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  1. Oooof every time I get angry out of the norm, I always check my period tracker to see if it’s actually ‘me’ or hormones talking. I always have a good laugh whenever I realize that it’s the hormones driving me crazy. I would then let my bf now husband know so that we can have an easy day/night so I’m not triggered. Hopefully BC can help her regulate her hormones.

  2. Leaving her without even custody of her daughter is the worst idea. What she needs is help. Try to find some adult to whom you think she will open up. I too had a miscarriage. It was the worst time of my life. Not even my SO was there to help as he had his own issues to tend to. Being mentally strong and sound helped me out of it and I was even strong for my SO to pull him out of slump.

  3. You ever have an addict sibling? You ever let that addict stay in your home? My wife’s brother(RIP) would rob you blind when he was using. I firmly laid a boundary that he wasn’t staying in our home. Ever. She respected where I was coming from. I didn’t want to find out he stole from me and create a serious rift in the family as I would take action into my own hands. It’s easy to say what you would do when you aren’t in the situation.

  4. It will fizzle on its own. The awkwardness and pain will overshadow the joy as the time approaches. Call it quits just before then, when you start feeling the weirdness creep up.

  5. I have good friends, but they haven't given good dating advice. It's either “ask more girls out” or getting a dating app. I won't ask a girl out unless I know she's interested, and to date that's never happened. And dating apps are kinda rigged against men, especially less than stellar looking ones

  6. I bumped your upvotes back to +1 because you make logical sense, I don’t understand why Logic gets downvoted so much in this Sub or on Reddit in general

  7. Ok, after funny posts, please allow a serious one: these kind of worms are transmissible from and to pets, f those pets are living or going in the yard! This is why any pet must be subjected to internally deworming regularly!

    This is the explanation for any pet owner that doesn't do the deworming regularly and yes, all family members and the pet must get treatment,, which is simple to get if you don't have liver issues.

    However, don't despair, you can get worm free by eating garlic and pumpkin seeds, roasted in their shell (eat them WITH the shells, that's what kills the worms)!

    If he has no pets and doesn't interact with pets (or stray dogs/cats) he may have eaten you know what, yes, the itchy part of someone that had them…!

    I wish you tell me the name of his pet(s)…!

  8. Hello /u/Ezzbe,

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  9. Is it crazy that I want him to do something more unforgivable than this? I want it to be a no questions asked I have to learn scenario because otherwise I just am too scared to go. He can be so incredibly caring and loving. Asks me how my day is, calls me beautiful, thinks I’m smart and funny. Share the same humour and values. Yet he is very neurotic about things like diet. Thank you for giving me your perspective it helps me a lot. It may seem like an obvious thing for some people but this stuff is way more intricate especially when you’ve been together for so long

  10. I(40f) was widowed 13 years ago now. I talk to my now fiancé about my first husband often because my first husband helped me learn and grow into who I am and who my fiance loves. I never compare my first husband with my fiance because they are totally different people. My fiance isn't jealous because my husband is dead. He is just curious what someone who was a large part of my life was like. Also? Telling my fiancé about my past makes me feel a little happier about it and less of the hole in my chest from missing my past. So talk about your wife, tell good stories. Then tell your gf why you love her and how you're looking forward to making many memories with her.

  11. I see on other comments she’s not getting therapy, if she’s not doing anything to feel better, why should you? Explain you’ll give her all the boundaries she needs around not KNOWING what happens, but draw the firm boundary that controlling YOUR behavior when you’re not even around her is off the table indefinitely and SHE can choose is controlling you is a requirement of the relationship and if it is SHE can walk away if she wants fro your relationship.

  12. Yeah no, and I’d make sure you have a super tight will to protect your children. She has her own job, doesn’t online with you, doesn’t provide you with care so why in earth should you give her an “allowance “?

    It’s absolutely not the right thing to do.

    You know she’s using you for your money don’t you?

  13. I would suggest therapy for your wife might be beneficial to help deal with the toxic family dynamics and create a plan of action. My family is toxic in a different way, but therapy has really helped me with dealing with them and setting boundaries. You can offer to go with her and also do couples therapy to deal with the family strains on you and your wife's relationship.

  14. This is a lot to unpack.

    First off, from one SA survivor to another, I’m so incredibly sorry that you were violated in one of the most derogatory ways possible (perhaps even the most derogatory of all). What I went through is probably considered mild in comparison to what you have just experienced, and therefore I can’t possibly imagine how you must be feeling right now. With all things considered, you handled the ordeal very well and ‘freezing’ is a normal instinct in these moments to protect us.

    As for your boyfriend, I do not mean to invalidate him whatsoever… but in my opinion he is either manipulating you and using his trauma as an excuse to harm you, or his trauma is A LOT worse than anticipated and such a fragile mental state is genuinely causing him to lose control of his actions. He was also more than likely still a child when he was abused. However, the fact that he had time to pull out and urinate on you seems incredibly off to me. Call me ignorant, but it makes more sense to me if he were to lose control of his bladder while he was still literally inside you. That being said, everyone processes their SA trauma differently, but obviously not all of them are safe and healthy…

    I know you say that you love him still, but I think that he is too dangerous to be in a relationship right now. Therefore I think it’s best that you never see him again and focus on healing yourself and yourself only. It seems cruel now, but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind in order to make people understand the consequences of their actions.

    Best of luck to you, and if you need someone to talk to you’re welcome to message me…

  15. That’s very nice and thank you for your words. I will definitely keep this or something along the lines for the future.

  16. I'm 35 with CPTSD from some pretty extensive trauma in my childhood and during my military career. I love to clean my home. My home brings me a great source of pride. I have to stay here a lot because of my symptoms of either my autoimmune disease or my PTSD. So why wouldn't I want my areas to be not only tidy but beautiful? Your husband is using his depression and PTSD as an excuse not to do anything. Here's the thing. Mental illness does not give you excuses. Mental illness is a reason but it's not an excuse. You have to put in the work. If he has PTSD then he needs to start going through some form of PTSD therapy. Either exposure therapy or something a little less intense. He can't be using his PTSD as an excuse and then not do anything to alleviate the symptoms of it.

  17. He didnt blame it on adhd, I suggested him seeking professional help, I dont think your situation has any bearing, people have it mild and others extreme, others have it under control others don't, he should still a professional and get a treatment plan, whats the alternative shame him into doing it?

  18. It sounds like she wanted to have you locked into marriage before showing her emotionally abusive side. You don't have to die to stop putting up with the mess. You can leave. I lnow it's easier said than done. See if you can build up a support network, including an abuse hotline, and come up with a plan. Can you reach out for therapy to build some strength?

  19. What do you do now? If he's chastising or teasing you, make sure he knows he needs to grow the F! up. Almost the entirety of the world's human population takes a dump every day or so. If you're feeling embarrassed then you need to get over yourself or suffer dank-butt until you get home to shower in private.

    In fact, you need to get that man on the S.A.S. (shower after sh***ing) train, especially if you two like getting frisky spontaneously.

  20. Just means that he learned from the first time when you saw it that you don’t like seeing it so now he leaves it in the center console or someplace else because he doesn’t want to alienate his side piece. Personally I don’t want dick in my mouth that was likely in someone else’s pussy recently, so there’s that.

  21. LOL I would not say that. Two people must work together to find a balance that works for them. It takes time to find the balance or to even find out that you may not belong together

  22. They told her the letter exists. They shouldn't have done that but didn't realize that at the time. It wasn't malicious.

  23. Is it a case where you can just hear her talking to them on mic and you feel kinda jealous or is it just the idea of her playing with them

  24. This one. He’s not your concern anymore. Tell his family he seems to be in a bad place so they can look out for him. You don’t have to tell them how exactly (or you can I suppose) but pass the buck to them, it’s not your burden to carry now. Then block and move on.

  25. I get where you're coming from, but people are just going to hear it as victim blaming given the context.

    And it might feel like that to OP as well and it seems like she's in a way kinda already trying to blame herself already for not being “enough” for her husband post partum. So I can see where people are wanting to downvote it.

    Nothing happens in a vacuum for sure, but yeah people may not want or need to hear that while they're in the middle of just processing and figuring out a betrayal that perhaps recently happened.

    The book is a good recommendation though!

  26. No OP it is not possible to be in a committed relationship and be friends with an ex. How is your ex making a positive contribution to your life that you find the need to keep her in it? To me this is an absolute deal breaker, your current girlfriend set her boundaries early on so you need to decide whether you can respect her boundaries or not. Plus it’s also disturbing to remain friends with someone you’ve slept with.

  27. Your so-called bf is simping over another woman, the 19 yr old. And lied to you numerous times.

    Cut him loose. This is only 8 months in, if he's comfortable lying to you and crushing on other woman, it's time to move on, OP.

    I think you can do BETTER.

  28. Exactly this. If you don't trust someone ever, you're never going to believe them when they say they love you. And that's even without them cheating first. You just won't feel loved till you can trust.

  29. Also I did bring snacks and drinks for the car and drove 30 mins up to her place to meet her where we left from ¯_(ツ)_/¯

  30. I agree with those saying that a person willing to lie like this is bad news and would go to any lengths to at minimum protect her social standing and sabotage yours. Inform your immediate family and friends to what’s going on. If you decide to talk to her at all, record the conversation and don’t delete texts. If you meet in person, do it in a public space.

  31. thank you. im believe she knows this is how im feeling solely because she knows me well but maybe i need to initiate a conversation and explore these feelings further with her.

  32. You're not the asshole. It's perfectly normal to stop feeling for someone or to find someone not as attractive as you once did. You're young! You're going to go through a lot of different people before you find the right one. And by the way, based on your pulse history, sounds like you were desperate for a relationship. Make sure you enter the right relationship rather than just anyone. Take this relationship as a good learning lesson. Good luck with your life.

  33. Great advise. She's Mexican and from a very patriarchal family where her Dad does very little. Could be why.

  34. She explained that she was scared to come out because she didn’t know how they would react, but she’s in a very happy relationship and she didn’t want to hide it anymore.

    Yes, that absolutely sounds like someone young and immature, intent on provoking her parents.

    It doesn't sound at all like someone wanting to be honest and open after walking on eggshells her entire life, afraid that her bigoted parents would respond exactly the way they did.

    Good grief.

  35. I get the going out and it's to be expected. Any of them being married or having partners means nothing in my book. In this situation it boils down to your trust in your partner and hopefully you know some of the friends and their history.

    Having said that, he's apparently lying to you, and disrespecting you by not being an adult and having a real conversation about what's going on. He's going to come home and spew some BS about you ruining his vacation, but what really happened is you called him out on his behavior and he is throwing a tantrum.

  36. There’s an old saying of strike, while the iron is very hot. I think you lost your opportunity, and the truth of the matter is what I know about most guys if they really like somebody, they will go after them in some sort of way. They will let the other person know they want to be with him. So if he did that, and you did not reciprocate, it’s done. Be his friend and let him enjoy his girlfriend.

  37. So you realize you are cheating on Tom, which I guess is some level of self awareness. Imo there's no separation of emotional vs physical and one is better or worse than the other. Unfaithful is unfaithful. You are deliberately engaging in romantic intimacy with someone other than your partner. Your own behavior has shown you are incapable of keeping things “truly platonic” with Kay. If you want to be in a romantic relationship with someone else imo you have to cut way way way down on time with Kay, perhaps even a period of no contact. And Kay has shown with her behavior she's probably not really ever going to take the plunge and fully and openly be with you. I even hestitate to call her your “ex” because yall really were never together by the info in this post. Yall had a messy situationship where Kay was cheating on her partner. Just bad all around.

    Even if you ditch Tom and decide to keep the friendship with Kay what are you going to get out of that but more pain, longing, and frustration. Sometimes there's just people you can't be around because the timing is never right. It sucks but it's how we react to these times that shows our character. And right now both of yall seem to be so stuck in the weeds of your situation you can't zoom to see how it makes both of you behave in really bad ways.

  38. Very telling that he is super concerned about his friend throughout this entire post and doesn't mention his wife or feeling guilty at all.

    I feel really bad for her and I hope she finds out soon.

  39. A jealous girlfriend? Because I don't want to have sex with a guy if he's in a relationship with another woman? I'm not sure how this makes me sound like a jealous girlfriend?

    Would you want to have sex with a guy if he were in a relationship with another woman?

  40. Time to leave and go have sex, adult people want sex, and frankly I don't care what her issues are, go have sex. This is a doomed scenario…

  41. Five months isn't long and if she's been sick enough for a week long hospitalization she may not be back to herself just yet. Maybe try to normalize things to where you're not so hyper solicitous. I.e. it's curious that you were the one at the hospital instead of a friend/family member that she'd known longer. You may be inserting yourself too much into her life given the very brief time you've been dating her.

  42. “We said I love you for the first time” did you say it first and he reciprocated? Would make a lot more sense

  43. At 32 you have crushes on fantasy figures – actors and pop stars. It’s a harmless way of sorting through emotions and feelings, of understanding boundaries in a relationship and coming to terms with difficulties. You have a crush on Selena Gomez, Anne Hathaway, someone intangible you’ll never meet.

    Having a crush on a real person is far more concerning; it speaks to serious relationship issues.

    Cyber-stalking someone, trying to spend time with them and attempting to buy gifts because you know what they like skips straight from crush to stalking. Doing this to someone whose age you don’t even know, but is clearly young, skips straight from stalking to outright predatory behaviour.

    It’s possible your wife sees something of herself in this girl and has confused maternal feelings with something else, but that’s extremely unlikely. It’s possible your wife doesn’t understand these feelings herself.

    Either way, if you want this marriage to work you should really consider therapy/counselling of some kind. If your leg felt bad, you’d go see a doctor. Your marriage is ill; go see a therapist.

  44. I mean if he knows your concerns and isn’t addressing them properly and he’s also not planning to move to you then unfortunately I’d have to say it sounds like you should break up with him. It would take so little effort for him to tell you this kinda thing and he won’t even do it. Bad sign

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