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Maria-Myers Public Chat Channel
Date: November 1, 2022
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HAHAHAHA. THE FUCK?? is all I have to say bro. Sounds a bit unsafe honestly, like there's something lurking underneath.. you know.. mentally? … or maybe she's just… practicing her English? Idk.. man.. lol
She's using you. Stop giving her any money
Don’t go to her house, don’t let her in yours. Her behavior is irrational. She needs professional help.
I mean I cleaned myself and I was showered so idk what personally happened
Is she openly struggling with body image or is it something you have picked up on reading between the lines?
You could box it up really nicely and write a letter expressing the sentiments on your post to add context about why you bought the lingerie.
Then don’t push her to wear it to the bedroom or hint for pictures as this will reduce the genuine sentiment.
He just wanted to be honest with his girlfriend. It probably came up in conversation when he was talking about his time with Chris. I don’t see anything wrong with that
TL;DR, you see all the red flags. You know he hasn’t been trustworthy. He is making you feel uncomfortable (refer to the red flags below). Tell him that you feel like something is up & that he is acting different. Be warned, that he will probably try to spin it on you, and gaslight you by making you feel like you’re crazy for noticing the red flags.
Honestly, you should have broken up with him the second he decided to communicate and meet up with someone that likes him, behind your back.
1st red flag ? – He unlocked someone that he knows makes you feel comfortable AND has openly admitted to liking him, etc.
2nd red flag ? He not only talks to her but MEETS HER (in person).
3rd red flag ? When he does meet up with her, he doesn’t tell you, aka it’s behind your back.
4th red flag ? He feels like he needs to lock/shut down his phone and change the subject every time he’s on Snapchat and you’re close to him
Hey, OP’s making the step right now. He’s been quite literally raised by these people.
We can't assume but yes OP should seriously consider this. It happened to me with my ex at his work Xmas party too, he didn't fully ignore me but his affair did almost confess to me and he ended up borderline threatening her in the toilets not to. At their new year's party he also really didn't want our picture taken cause it was her taking the pics. It took me two years to find out, and only because I ended up texting her to ask.
Sounds like someone put something in your drink before you got it. Check it out.
That was acknowledged several times in the post so thanks for pointing out the well established obvious the question is what the hell am I supposed to do with this information
This actually really calmed me down a lot and helped, thank you.
I really liked your suggestions and though OP hasn't stopped this behavior, I don't see how him being a giant, petulant child is on her at all.
She said he refuses to do the counseling, point blank, and I don't know if you read that she had to fight for him to “allow her” to take medication she was prescribed, that he takes all of her money, that he yells at her and that all of that is in addition to him being a bum. He doesn't sound like relationship material, and OP just sounds naïve/ in a nude spot due to her beliefs.
I don’t think this is a reflection on you or your housekeeping. I also think with in-laws, it’s always good to let it go if not a big issue.
From your post, it sounds like a big issue to you. If you reframe it in your mind so that it’s not a judgment based on you or the state of your home, you may be able to shrug it off. If you can shrug it off, you’ll be happier.
Many people, related or not, are helpers. It doesn’t occur to them that it’s overstepping to tidy up, sweep or even vacuum around you. If they’re literally sweeping around you as you’re working, it’s understandable that you find that awkward. It’s fine to say something along the lines of: “X, I’m so appreciative of you tidying up and the house looks great. When I’m working, it needs to be tranquil, so if you wouldn’t mind holding off on the office while I’m working, I’d really appreciate that.”
I think you’ll feel better if you view their actions as helpful rather than judgments on you.
I married into a large family, very different culturally than my own. My MIL and FIL would do their own thing. This included cleaning, cooking, taking the baby. When I gave it a think, I understood it had nothing to do with me, it was their way of showing love. When a younger DIL joined our family, she was taken aback. When we talked about it, she felt better bc it’s not a judgment; it’s a way of giving back.
TL/DR: if they want to clean, cook, watch your kids etc., let them. Take a nap and appreciate the down time.
It doesn't sound like you really have a choice here, any longer. You broke your relationship. She knows you're on the path to separation, and she found someone else. Time to move on.
Try not to betray the people who trust you, next time.
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I didn't get over it. After the first time I forgave. And guess what? He kept doing it. The trust was gone for three years but I stayed in it way top long. The onus isn't on you to rebuild trust. It's on him to show he is trustworthy.
Getting divorced now. Should have left the first time but heh ho, my self esteem had been in hiding since childhood. How's yours?
I’m getting same vibes… and also “sometimes I clean up after my kid!” really stuck out to me. Uhhhhh that isn’t really a point for the scoreboard? That’s something he should be doing and not just “sometimes” ?
Same with “I’ve spent time with my kid, just me and him.” My guy, that is something you should be doing by default. It is not a “chore” that you “help with”. But I guess it’s very telling that he is the type of guy who says he’s “babysitting” his child.
And also, the wife’s complaint is that he never helps her with the tasks she takes on in the house. But then OP proceeds to list every way he literally ONLY looks out for himself within their home; has own room and makes his own bed, washes his own dishes, orders his own food even if she’s made dinner (? Not sure if I understood this part correctly?), does his own laundry but no one else’s, and then admits he doesn’t clean the rest of the house….
OP, it sounds like you basically just online alone and your wife and child are your roommates who are inconveniencing your desire to be independent and alone. Your wife isn’t mad at you because you don’t wash the dishes. She’s mad at you because you literally do not contribute to your family or your home in any material way that does not directly benefit you alone. I don’t respect you based on what you’ve told us, and I don’t even know you. If you can’t understand why your wife doesn’t respect you – even after your comprehensive list of all the ways you either isolate yourself away from your family or you flat out don’t help anyone else but yourself – then both you and your wife and son will probably be better off if you leave and go and on-line the life of self-serving solitude you clearly desire.
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Well, I think that’s a decision only you can make after going along with this for a while. We have never lived in a time, so technically advance that we can’t text for 30 seconds to set something up even without calling. I don’t think there’s any excuse for it It’s sort of lazy and not very thoughtful. So just watch him as you’re getting to know him and maybe drive you so bad in the next month or two that you don’t wanna date him. Or maybe he’s so great that this one thing isn’t that big of a deal
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I saw your post 6 days ago, mate, you both online at home with your respective parents…So she wants to move in with you and your parents?
Is her home life that bad that she has to rely on a stranger (you) to move into?
Just say 'no.' She has parents and she's living with them, she probably just gets into an argument with them hence her question…assuming it's not an abusive household.
Big facts
Right and his feelings are not any more valid than the partner's. No one is saying you can't have the test, just that partner has a right to react how she reacts. Everyone gets what they want. Father gets peace of mind in knowing and mother gets peace of mind knowing this is not the man she wants to spend a lifetime with. All hearts and minds satisfied.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this:( There is a reason he has never had a girlfriend at 30 years old or even had sex. It sounds like he just sees you as a warm body. The way he continually disrespects your boundaries and makes you uncomfortable is really gross and not at all acceptable. The situation honestly seems like it could escalate. Other comments were saying he could be love bombing you or mirroring, take that seriously because he is just manipulating you to get what he wants (if those things are happening) Please be safe and reconsider this relationship, it will only get worse
C O M M U N I C A T E
You’re right that it’s not illegal now but he did groom you. Him being 22 and not ending things when you “seduced” him is what a press does. Obviously you’re only going to break up with him if you want too but she is 100% right about your relationship.
I get the impression that the fact that open relationships are meant to have boundaries but also open communication and frankly the bf being bi and actually not telling OP is huge especially when she has been honest about her sexuality.
The fact your partner is lying about a huge part of him might be the source of you being put off him. Think it's time for a good talk because the longer you stay silent the more secrets you are now also keeping from him.
Let him move out. He’s acting like a child. I bet mommy does everything for him so let him go and you can online peacefully.
Get a friend to catfish him, or just hit on him in real life. Altho he doesn’t sound like the sleazy type (takes one to know one …
Yes the perfect man, a cheater
/s
Life happens. We don't know what it will serve up so if we are smart and able to, we structure it in a way that preempts potential problems and maximises potential for positive outcomes. Even the best planning cannot cover every possible eventuality.
Retirement funding; education; life/health/funeral/disability/income protection insurance; servicing and maintenance of vehicles; preventative dental and medical treatment; diet choices; exercise; wearing PPE; the list goes on and on.
Your kids with the first wife means that there will always be that link if the kids want that. Illness and accident happen. What if one of the kids needs long term care and support that requires coordination by their parents but you are starting from scratch to work it out because you have no idea what the other parents circumstances are? Background knowledge, information, and knowing the other parents inclinations allows one to make better decisions under pressure. These kids are growing up – they're not dead! FFS.
BUT….find out where this is coming from. Is it a trait like competitiveness/negativity/being controlling? Is it a misguided expression of justifiable resentment because her children are being actively disadvantaged or treated differently to their half-siblings? Have you spread yourself so thinly that you are not able to meet the needs of everyone adequately?
She lives a far distance away, so the kids are with me during the school year and with her for many holidays.
Does it appear (or is it the reality) that the ex seems to get consideration and the fun times when (if it is the case) it is your current wife who carries the daily nude slog and responsibility of keeping a family of 8 functional? Is your current wife's effort being taken for granted? Particularly considering her recent pregnancies and caring for an infant? Does your wife get parenting input commensurate with her parenting actions and responsibilities?
She says she needs boundaries.
Who? The ex? IS the ex overstepping and causing issues? Is the ex inserting herself into your lives via the older kids, intentionally or unintentionally? Requiring scheduling or allowances that prevents your newer family obligations being met as they would normally be? Is there tension present between the older and younger kids, or older kids and wife? Is there resentment lurking – like cheating or moving the kids away from their mother?
If there truly is no underlying justification for your current wife's (misguided) request then….
then I'd be pissed enough to put it to my spouse in very clear terms. I'd inform her that:
“Should we split, then you will cease to exist as a consideration once our youngest is 16. Weddings; grandchildren; birthdays; funerals; illness; support if you lose a family member and need me to step up for the kids; medical decisions in the event of one of the kids needs advocacy………”
“We will not have a relationship that enables us to work together in 'dire emergencies' to get the best outcome because you will essentially be dead to me. I will have no idea of your circumstances so I will not be able to take them into account and I will make plans and arrangements with the kids which suit ONLY myself and them in such things as Christmas and holiday plans, because these do not fall under the heading of 'dire emergencies.”
“You will not be considered if I plan or choose to support our child to move away for study or work. If you need me to support the kids while you are sick or away for any reason, it will not happen because that may not be considered a 'dire' circumstance. Discussion would be required to assess the validity of your definition of 'dire emergency' and we will not have a relationship that encourages sharing our individual knowledge, opinion and values.”
“I will have to make the decision on what is a 'dire emergency' in regards to the children when they are with me or I am contacted on their behalf. This might be a car accident, illness, mental health problems etc, but I may not consider it important enough to inform you if I believe that the situation is under control, and I will not know if there are extenuating circumstances that should perhaps be guiding my parental decisions.”
“A basic ongoing knowledge of each other's individual circumstances and our current parenting choices would enable us to present a united front to the kids and back up the other parent. Our parenting would be by default adversarial because as parents we would no longer have the natural inclination and established communication habits to consult with each other in regards to the general wellbeing of the children. Our advice and actions may unintentionally be in opposition.”
Harsh? Yep. But laying it out in real-life terms is necessary, rather than some indefinable unanticipated 'dire emergency' vagueness.
That's the reality of split custody when parents aren't working together to provide holistic care to their kids, and it could be your wife's reality if the marriage were to fail. The kids lose continuity of care and they also end up being stuck in the middle when one parent expects, plans or decides something the kids suspect will be problematic for the other. They're stuck watching their words and being the negotiator-peacekeeper.
Talk talk talk with your wife. Life is nuanced, and there may be things going on that you haven't noticed or been told yet. Consider whether your wife is parenting the older kids but being left out of parenting decisions. A family of 8 plus and ex wife is a big load for both you and your wife, so take a hot look at whether everyone's needs are being met and redistribute the load where necessary.
Good luck.
There are these things called boundaries and consequences. She does something spiteful like that then there should be some sort of reaction from YOU to discourage her from doing it again.
UPDATE: His wife saw my message and blocked me
SHE CHOSE YOU BECAUSE SHE KNEW YOU WOULD BELIEVE EVERYTHING SHE TOLD YOU.
Stop Being Scared. RIP THE BANDAID. BREAK UP AND IMMEDIATELY BLOCK HER EVERYWHERE AND I MEAN EVERYWHERE INCLUDING YOUR CELL.
She is using her trauma to manipulate you. This is called EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL. In every manipulative relationship, this is used TO TRAP THEIR PARTNER IN A RELATIONSHIP HE/SHE NO LONGER DESIRES TO CONTINUE.
You need to work on Boundaries and stop letting women deceive you so easily.
And NO MORE LDR.
Call your local DV hotline for expert advice on how to leave an abusive/self-harm threatening partner.
My apologies. I hit the reply in the wrong comment.
Call the cops.
Nothing about any of this is immature or sounds like lapse of judgement behaviour. I'd get the police involved and you should get yourself and your son somewhere safe. If not to a friend or relative's then to a refuge.
Dump him. No one should waste any time with a misogynist.
Don't be silly, you know it won't be just twice.
There’s no excuse for breaking things during a fight, it’s just not normal. But, if, and big if, let’s say some lost their cool and actually punched your tv. The normal response would be to offer to buy a new one and apologize for going too far.
Your boyfriend is basically telling you he did this on purpose to “teach you a lesson”, which sounds psychotic.
Let the friend have her! She doesn't love you! Love and hate in two months is too much drama.
When she accused you of “using” her she destabilized you mentally. That's emotional abuse what she did to you. I see that she wants to meet you soon, for your own good don't do it. Take a least 3 months to recover and try to stabilize mentally.
If her mother is terrible, do you think maybe that she's terrible too?
I'm not diagnosing her, but take a look at r/Bpdlovedones and see if she showed other red flags in the past two months.
Don't be naive and stupid. I understand that you love her, but you need to love yourself also if you want to be loved by her!
This is a key piece of information that should be in the main post.
He doesn't care about you or your comfort-you're a doll to him. Eye candy. A prize. He wants you to preform for him at all times. Give into this and he'll probably start insisting you wear makeup all the time too.
My boyfriend thinks I'm sexy when I'm dolled up and in my pj's because he thinks i am sexy as a whole person. Even when I feel ugly my guy is telling me I'm beautiful. Now if I'm really gross hell tell me- not out of spite but like, “are your aware you have some mud on you? You should go change” That's what a relationship should be like: love the person as they are but able to tell eachother when they might need to make an adjustment.
Your boyfriend doesn't love you. He probably love bombs you but it's not genuine. No one reasonable expects you to be dolled up in the comfort of your own home
Not sure how it works where you are, but where I am in the US, up to a certain value, it’s automatically covered under the “owner’s” renters or home owners insurance. Over a certain value, you add a special rider for the ring. Again, this would be done under the insurance for the residence.
If you online together, whomever has the insurance would add it. If you don’t on-line together then I guess you as the owner would put it on yours.
I applaud your insight. You would be creating pain in your life if you agreed to remain friends for his sake. I love you and I hope you love me enough to respect my decision. Remaining friends would be too painful for me. He doesn’t sound like a man who will keep pushing and knowingly cause you pain. If he is, that’s not how a friend behaves. Do what you know is right for you.
Lmao I wrote a short negative comment to someone laughing about a situation the OP is seeking help with. Why are taking this so seriously? Lighten up ? I would laugh this off if it was like “my bf accidentally shit himself today trying to force a fart”, but I think a grown man who shat himself once and then keeps doing it and laughing about it is just kinda not funny anymore, it's not even childish, that would be sorta insulting to children
From one internet stranger to another, you’ve got this. There’s a better life out there. Go get it.
Nobody wants to hear this. Women don’t want to use birth control, men don’t want to use birth control so the only answer is for him to have the surgery. Rarely do I even read the suggestion that the women have their tubes tied. Nope, men are the horny ones so yeah, get snipped.
You did touch his genitals without his consent. That is sexual assualt. Regardless of what you or he think about it, it is sexual assualt.
Suggestion: move to her area but not into her home. Going from long distance to living together isn’t an easy transition.
Good going. My relationship like this ended two years ago and I’ve never felt more free.
Why did you say thank you when compared to his wife instead of realizing how inappropriate it was for him to do so?
Is there something lacking in your own marriage to make you question whether or not you should keep this kiss a secret?
So, if y’all hadn’t agreed not to date other people, I’d say you just have to get over it cause she loved her life. However, your agree was specifically to not date others and to work on your marriage. I’m not here to shame anyone but there’s no way she slept with 30 people and managed to work on the marriage. I suggest you make the split permanent.
Wtf are you smoking?
First off, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! Second off, everyone but you and the father can go straight to hell!!! My favorite saying seems a bit apropos in this situation..’It’s no fun when the rabbit has the gun!!!’
Your STBX broke up w you and slept w someone else else…he only came back in play when your mom decided she knew what was best for you…completely disregarding the fact that you’ve been grown for longer than you’ve been a child AND you want this baby…you’re ex came back when he found out someone else was able to give you a child…a day late and a dollar short…
Online your life with and for those who want the best for you, and an ex who left you to go sleep w your friend doesn’t meet that definition!!!
I hope the best for you and hope that your baby (girl!!! I’m with you!!!) can have a happy and peaceful life, and the father is the most amazing partner and/or co-parent EVER!!!!!
Truth! Life is so much better when you're not wasting your time and energy on some tosser. I can attest this from experience.
She has unreal expectations of life, you are being reasonable. I could not afford a expensive ring for my wife, but years later, I got her whatever jewelry she wanted.
So what is he doing to work on that and to become more secure in what he wants?
Sorry I didn’t mean it as a certainty, but as a possibility which I edited. I missed that before posting.
Even if she just liked the guy and he never gave her the time of day you shouldn't have given him your number. Sister code number one. It's just trifling.
Someone with a career in an industry? Where their reputation can proceed them? To be blunt, those folks usually get screened out before something like this.
The only “immature” people I know that have done anything like this in corporate America ultimately were treated for mental health disorders. Perceived Immaturity tends to be a symptom of a personality disorders.
What bothers me so much about these stories is that the spouse is perfectly happy to watch the other work their fingers to the bone and exhaust themselves with no thought about pitching in and helping. That’s not the way you treat someone you love. It’s selfish and entitled behavior. It lacks empathy. It’s not surprising that love wears out when you are being worked to death and made to feel used and taken advantage of.
That’s really fucked up of her. How could she hide something like that?
I asked why the video was in her recent videos (1 week ago) and she said she was clearing out old photos and found that and was going to delete it.
I'm not 100% clear on what you mean by recent videos but I know for certain that thinking about deleting a video doesn't change the date. If she is being honest the best explanation I can think is she did delete the video and then found it and saved it again but that in itself would be a huge red flag.
Time to cut and run buddy, you deserve better than this.
So I read a lot of the top posts how people can’t believe this is a thing, but honestly I know lots of guys who do this, and I have guy friends who will whats app me nudes they find online its just their personality. It’s not that uncommon among my social circles and they are some really genuine guys in relationships, wouldn’t violate their partners like that.
He’s showing you low effort, the bare minimum and he seems to get away with it.
What are you getting out of this relationship?
Has she always been manipulative? Or did she start using this to manipulate you at a certain point in your relationship?
Because this is unacceptable and I'd tell her you never wanna hear about it again, unless she wanted it followed up with divorce papers. She's either using it to keep you pliable over some other shit OR she really has issues that need to be worked out in therapy; either way, it's on her.
I wouldn't tolerate it any longer.
If he were my husband, we would be so done.
what’s common sense to a 25+ year old isn’t common sense to someone 20. You are in the process or learning the only reason why 30 year old men date people who are basically still teenagers. Don’t waste your best years on trash.
Oh, no. You've highly underestimated how deep the anti work sentiment goes. I thank you for paying taxes so I can slack off at my government job 😉
Good luck with your small, pathetic, lonely life.
All the best
-Horsewang
Hey could you dm your reply? They’re not coming through properly
Exactly. He sounds like he is suffering from a psychotic breakdown: not a person I would be safe meeting again. His behaviour is all over the place and so ambivalent that you really don't know what he wants or needs: he might not even have a clue himself.
He wants to protect his daughter – but instead throws s surprise beach meetup. He agrees to meet later, but instead wants you to take an uber right away to his place. This is not a safe person to be around.
I can't know what exactly is wrong with him, but you OP blockef him for a reason and made this post for a reason. Something in his behaviour made you afraid and you really ought to listen to that. People alwayd recommend the book “Gift of Fear” here, but in your case I really suggest try to read it (can be found online) since it can safe your life…
I have no idea what he’s trying to gain, I’m totally lost. I keep extending my hand to him and offering him what he wants and it just never feels like it’s good enough.
So let’s start backwards – no not all guys follow these girls.
And you need to talk to him.
Just be honest, tell him how it makes you feel, and that you need to both agree on boundaries for the relationship going forward.
If he doesn’t want to stop then you have to decide if the disrespect he is showing you is enough for you to leave.
This is what happens when you stick your dick in crazy! Now, you need to extract yourself and get far far away!
Yeah, it's totally a bummer. But there is nothing worse than investing mental energy into a person who isn't reciprocating. Best to put that energy into the next first date!
That’s my min issue, we have two small kids. I don’t have any support system, and my job requires me to be gone for days at a time. I’d have nowhere to go.
Well I’m sorry you are going through this. I think you need to consider some sort of serious inpatient treatment. Reading through some of your previous posts it’s clear that you need some help.
Again, I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
Your husband is being extremely selfish, but you need to grow up too. Games and tests at your age are a fool's errand. You should have told him how you really feel from the start, and maybe this wouldn't have gotten so far.
When I was younger I definitely wing manned for a friend and discussed politics or stuff going on in our city with the female counterpart. It’s not looking great for the op here but it is possible nothing happened.