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Date: October 10, 2022
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My dad stopped bathing with me when I was around 5, and I’m female. My mom bathed with me until I was around 7-8. Now as an upcoming mother (am pregnant with first child) I am thinking that if my child is of the same sex as me then I will probably bathe with them if they wish for it until about 7 years old and if the opposite sex then cap it at 5. I’m from Denmark where it’s very normal for parents to bathe with their younger children, as bodies aren’t sexualised.
You feeling uncomfortable is one thing, but saying it's somehow inappropriate is very VERY weird of you to think.
So she has sexual trauma from childhood, but has no problem reminiscing about an ex FWB and their sexual escapades…
Those two things don't add up, OP. I believe the trauma can be an issue, but why wasn't it an issue with her “divine sexual connection?”
This is some heavy drama, and I would be second guessing the relationship. Sounds like you're a crutch for her…because sexually, she's still got ex FWB bouncing around in her head. That isn't fair to you at all
She should have known that on the first date. I guess she thought she could change you which is wrong, wrong, wrong. Sad to say, you are incompatible. You can give up weed for a few days and show her how bad your pain gets. But like I said, I think she would be an even bigger pain. I had two very very long relationships where the men didn’t smoke at all and they never asked me to stop so it is possible for a stoner and a straight to exist. Edibles might work for you, no smell, but you’d still be stoned. Do what works for you. Good luck.
“what’s a relationship without trust” yet you don’t trust him anyway? idk you should have just looked at that point
You’re not his priority and he cares more about gaming than having actual human interaction. If you’ve communicated firmly but lovingly that you would like to see some changes, and even offer to negotiate those changes (ex you’ll make dinner three night a week and he will go to bed at the same time as you three times per week), if he doesn’t put in any effort, then I’m not sure this will make you happy.
I'd treat it like Neo when Smith told him he was free of The Matrix, where he's, like, “Congratulations,” but he's wary, and by his demeanor he indicates he probably doesn't want to continue the conversation. Like, it can be a nice thought, but it doesn't necessarily mean dick given your history. It's my understanding that the beginning of a marriage can be a confusing time, a, like, “liminal space” or whatever where you're trying to figure out what this new time in your life means and getting terribly involved with an ex wouldn't typically seem to help matters. I would say on the face of it, it's not a good look.
Yes
She's 26 and was in a 10 year relationship with a guy? And you just moved in together, three months ago, but for how long have you been together? Firstly, kudos for dating a single mother, it's a lot of responsibility and added work.
I mean, she was basically with him for her entire dating life, and even before that, prior to you entering the picture. He is likely to have been her first everything and now he still has to be in the picture due to the kids being there. Perhaps you should let her know that's it's making you feel uncomfortable that she is spending the time talking to him on the phone etc
Lol bro what's do you expect us to say???. She is obviously sleeping with him… Im All you need to do is to have a backbone and leave
Don't message her, just unfollow. It sucks but it will get easier with time.
No, I had not previously mentioned to not be touching up on other guys in front of me and making comments such as the one she did.
But if someone asks you to get a plate and a fork then you should do so, not throw a hissy fit.
I agree with this. Their tone is confrontational and demeaning, so there's no point in trying to have a respectful discussion as they likely wanted a fight.
I mean I’ve been recommending some things…
No wtf. I wouldn’t tolerate that. My shit is like $50 for shampoo and $50 for conditioner for tiny ass bottles. Unless he wants to start pitching in for that, he’s not touching it. If this guy can’t even respect something as simple as that, he’s a douche and I would give him an ultimatum.
Don’t worry about what’s in the dm’s, worry about the search history
I'm a doormat and was afraid going behind her back would create drama
I regret not just doing it now
Cheater, cheater…. jinkies, for the love of any ethical based religious system, please tell Bob that you've been cheating on him. Use that specific word: “cheating”. Thanks, have a lovely day.
Why would you ever send such a thing? I mean do you like failing? Do you want her to think you’re a douche? Best way to accomplish that is to tell her “I’m a douche”.
Dude relax. Instead of treating her like some prize that has to be won, treat her like a human being and a friend. Just back TF off. 27 hours is barely 1 day. After 3 dates. She’s not expecting more from you or she would have been blowing up your chat/social media/phone/whatever.
Right after my daughter was born, I discretely wrote her initials with permanent marker on the bottom of her foot (about the area of a nickel). My wife laughed when she learned what I had done.
The dude is married and that is his wife. You I'm sorry to say are the mistress
Leave him, this dude sounds manipulative and unhinged .
Also, 4 months is a tad early. At least in my opinion. I think you should run away now. If he's like this at four months, he's gonna be even worse down the line.
It could easily backfire if he doesn't reply on Monday. If you are at this point don't play games just break up. Games are for immature people only.
You can’t be friends with married men. Full stop. Back off.
Also. — really bad idea to get drunk with coworkers.
Join clubs or take up activities to make friends outside of work.
Time. You need time to get to know the other person, so you can make informed decisions like being exclusive, moving in together, buying property together, or creating life together.
These are not decisions to leave to chance or whim. You need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your partner will be a safe harbor not only for you, but any children you may have together.
Dump him, get therapy. He showed you who he is. Move on to better things. You’re right, your future kids, and you above all, deserve so much better.
Time. You need time to get to know the other person, so you can make informed decisions like being exclusive, moving in together, buying property together, or creating life together.
These are not decisions to leave to chance or whim. You need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your partner will be a safe harbor not only for you, but any children you may have together.
Dump him, get therapy. He showed you who he is. Move on to better things. You’re right, your future kids, and you above all, deserve so much better.
move back into my mother’s house and I’m highly considering it at this point.
If that's an option then please do so. Pack up your stuff and “go visit” your mum. There's no telling what people this unreasonable do you leave and they lose their control over you. Better to go for the “visit” story and break up once you're safely away. Text her bye and then ghost
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Cuming in his mouth might fix his mood.
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Does he have any addictions like alcohol, porn, or prescription medication?
Honey, his claiming he didn't say what he said is actual gaslighting. Divorce sounds like the right choice.
This is how you feel. Break up. Don't string this poor man along.
Here are some outcomes
You break up now and you both move on, don't waste anyone's time and you guys find other people. You wait longer, build up tension and potentially this man falls more for you making the breakup even messier You stay together and somehow you guys just magically click even though you've known eachother for months and have been in a relationship long enough to the point in which that should have happened. (Notabke to note outcome 3.b in which you guys click but break up in the future anyway)
Outcomes 1 seems to have the best likelihood to positivity ratio.
I'm not a man.
It's an assumption, hence the “probably”
Op gives not a single piece of information that points to the fact her bf doesn't find her attractive without makeup. Just that he showered her with compliments when she put in a lot of effort.
Piece it together and you'll most likely come to the same assumption.
That’s true.. ugh I know you’re totally right I just can’t seem to accept it because I know I’m going to fall in a really bad depression as soon as I realize he’s gone for real. Thank you for the advice !
I wonder what the reason was for the divorce… perhaps cheating?
Essentially or explicitly? If she actively participated and agreed with you, then you should bring it up.
If you left any ambiguity or she didn’t agree to it, then maybe tell her you need that.
I immediately tell her she isn't making sense because I constantly tell her I like touching her nose and how much I like her nose
That’s defensiveness on your part, she’s telling you how she feels (though not very nicely), and instead of trying to understand her, you invalidate her and say she doesn’t make sense. So she IS incorrect in that you aren’t saying it’s an over reaction but you are invalidating her which is what saying she’s overreacting does as well, so she’s not incorrect either.
What would have been a better approach would be to ask her why it bothered her. Maybe she’s sensitive about her nose like your weight, maybe she was having an off day, who knows but by saying she doesn’t make sense instead of asking her about it to try to make sense of it, you put the blame on her for the misunderstanding rather than work together to figure it out. And now you’re just ignoring her. If you’re that close, seems a petty thing to lose a friendship over, but your funeral I guess.
I immediately tell her she isn't making sense because I constantly tell her I like touching her nose and how much I like her nose
That’s defensiveness on your part, she’s telling you how she feels (though not very nicely), and instead of trying to understand her, you invalidate her and say she doesn’t make sense. So she IS incorrect in that you aren’t saying it’s an over reaction but you are invalidating her which is what saying she’s overreacting does as well, so she’s not incorrect either.
What would have been a better approach would be to ask her why it bothered her. Maybe she’s sensitive about her nose like your weight, maybe she was having an off day, who knows but by saying she doesn’t make sense instead of asking her about it to try to make sense of it, you put the blame on her for the misunderstanding rather than work together to figure it out. And now you’re just ignoring her. If you’re that close, seems a petty thing to lose a friendship over, but your funeral I guess.
You've admitted to sleeping with the groom, that makes you exes. It's not difficult to understand.
Hunny, he isn't saying there is something wrong with you. I'm the same way, and, honestly, a bit of spit goes a long way for entry. It happens with age, for one, for two, you were long distance for 4 years, meaning you only had your hand and toys, I'm assuming. It's going to take him longer to get you ready because he is still learning your body, it would seem, whereas you know yours well. Give yourself some time, and you'll be back to your previously scheduled program.
I don’t know how to become comfortable with my significant other having sexual conversations with women.
You realize there's a big difference between “sexual conversations” and conversations about sex, right?
great communicators generally
Great. Now need to fully expand that great communication to include sex and about sex. Should be able to sort it out from there.
At least my degree carries value and will turn into more money
Dude, people at McDonald's make more than you. So act your wage!
She's a fuckin college student, works part-time, and has to take care of cats and an oversized child, and despite all that she still makes more than your $14 Computer Science degree. So, get off your high taking out the trashy kitty littered fuckin horse and help her out.
As a fellow STEM major, I'll add that people like you in the majors, who have a “holier than thou” mindset and think they're better than everyone else give us a poor name.
As a Pre-med major and researcher, I work with others from various majors and know how very hot everyone works to get to where they are. So you disrespecting your GF says a lot about you. Hopefully, she'll see that she's worth more than a $14 Computer Science degree and take you out with the kitty littered trash.
He's thirty four. If he hasn't gotten his shit together by now what makes you think he's going to do it in the future?
It’s important she knows what I enjoy, and doesn’t judge me for it.
He doesn’t believe in therapy, or medication. The last time he went to therapy, they handcuffed him, threw him in a police car, and forced him into a psychiatric hospital. So he refuses to ever go again.
We were young, 18, not sure I could have possibly known what I know now. I couldn’t have walked away over something that wasn’t even a known reality at the time,
You're oldest is 13 months, and you're pregnant with your second….in your 30s, you clearly had all the information you need, but you still decided to stay…for whatever reason (sunk cost fallacy? Blind hope that he'd magically change?)
I don’t exactly feel like I’m that much of a catch so he is probably better off without me.
How does this fit into anything? I think you really should invest in some individual and couple's counseling to figure out if you're together for the right reasons.
And yeah… did you WANT to get pregnant, or why did you decide to have a second child if you were already unhappy? And were never overly interested in kids?
Put back the clothes except the lingeries. Put instead ordinary underwear. She’ll find out you know when she opened her suitcase. Either she’ll bring it up or not, but you need to ask her who she intended to show her wearing those.
Sounds like interest to me.
Ehhh.. this huys is a psycho and you should run to the hills with the child. You can't stay with a guy like this, he is controlling and very creepy. OP it is time for you to look for the exit and walk out.
She’s doing this to herself. You’ve proof she’s trying to blackmail you. That’s a crime, you breaking up with her isn’t. Let her hurt herself. She’s just attention seeking.
Good points, thanks for taking the time to respond.
True. Trying to get out of my own head and get some perspective. Always easier when emotions aren't involved!