These are lessons learned at a very young age. In all likelihood GF was an ignored child. Its a pattern thats imprinted on her by her parents. Breaking through that will involve basically rewiring her brain.
Your boyfriend isn't dumb. He knows exactly what's going on and he's enjoying it.
But okay, let's pretend he's sincere and he truly believes this is just a friendship situation. Find a guy friend who will mimic her behavior with you.
Don't get me wrong, I totally believe opposite sexes can be friends. But I doubt that will be the tune your boyfriend continues to sing when another man runs his hand along your arm and calls you “my girl”
That is sad, she didn't want marriage, because of failed marriages in her family. Later she got confident she can trust you and so she wanted to be your wife. Nothing strange here, it's very hot to even call it changing of mind on the topic itself. You have clearly made her believe she can actually have a happy marriage despite what she has seen in her family.
It is sad, because right now your relationshi might fall apart, because of that.
My now husband and I moved in together after 2 months of dating. We got married 5 days after our one year anniversary. We are still going strong, but only in Year 2 so far!
Some friends and family thought we were crazy, but others understood – when you know you found The One, you just know!
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So I printed out the papers to petition to just see if she would try to stop me and see if she cares about it
No you did it to see if she would stop you and see if she cares about it. Or that's the reason you said when you were writing it, and that's probably not the real reason. You've told yourself enough different reasons by now that you don't even remember the real reason.
Anyway, doesn't matter. Whatever has gone wrong, it's irrepairable. Just move on now and make the most of your lives without each other.
Well can the family not see them in the next town? Can y’all not go see the family? Is he keeping them kids from the family? I’m trying to find the nefarious angle cuz frankly it doesn’t seem like that big a deal unless the kids already had roots there or you and your side of the family were doing all the raising and his wssnt
OK, but your last post about your marriage being terrible was like three months ago so maybe hold off until you’ve actually been good for a significant period of time.
I ask my girlfriend to leave a pair of panties and her pajamas for when she's gone. We are long distance and i want to be able to smell her when she's gone. If he wants a pair, just give it to him if you are comfortable with it (you are supposed to wear them first tho)
So you just suddenly came to the conclusion out of nowhere on the day she left for three weeks? I have a feeling that's not true and you've probably been debating this for a while and not telling her. You want someone to give you the go-ahead to sabotage her vacation as…what? An abuse on the way out? It is a very typical tactic of emotionally immature people to wait for a time that their partner would be most impacted/humiliated by to tell them something big like a break up or cheating etc.
do what you want tbh because you should have done this before her vacation.
Such agreement on a thread is very rare- I hope you can believe it! This man is dangerous, your (mental) health means nothing to him! What is your family saying? Do you feel supported?
This is straight out of the ppd playbook, I’ve seen it happen. Unfortunately if you don’t treat it and after that amount of time, there’s pretty much nothing anyone can do.
She gave her number to a guy also mentioning she has a bf. Men and women can be just friends, you know. Also make new male friends while in a relationship.
I can't i can't argue with that. You are 100% right.
I feel I did, he did apologize and we talked but that night he made advances on me so I'm not sure it really got through. I know I said it clearly. It's if he understood that I'm questioning.
He doesn't get final choice, but he is a parent, too. It should be a joint decision. There hasn't yet been a solution that both parents like, so the discussion isn't over.
She gets final say on everything pregnancy related, because it's her body. But the second those children are born he should be treated like an equal parent (with the exception being breastfeeding decisions because, again, her body.)
There are a lot of legal/safety/bureaucratic issues that come with being a parent to a child that doesn't have your name. He has valid arguments for wanting his in there, and her unilaterally making parenting decisions (especially one that has the potential to alienate him from his children) is very worrying.
Not having many common topics is fine, as long as you two have a good rapport and similar goals. It sounds like the rapport isn’t there.
It’s only been a month, so maybe she’s still nervous to be herself. Maybe she’s still trying to learn the role of whatever relationship you have. Sometimes rapport comes with time. Sometimes it doesn’t.
If you like her, certainly no harm in having a few more dates. Maybe try having a date in a space she would feel like an expert. For example, if she was in the tennis club in college, try some tennis. If she studied plants, maybe go to an arboretum. Maybe that’ll get her to open up a bit.
But ya know, give yourself a time limit. If nothing changes in the next 2-3 weeks, you can knowledgeably call it over knowing you gave it full effort.
If your wife stays is she not essentially forced to parent your son? I think she understands that your son deserves parents who love him and want to take care of him and she understands that that’s not her. If you take full custody there’s not really a scenario that she doesn’t parent – you’ll be in the same home so she can’t just ignore your son and make him feel poorly, and you said she even sometimes takes cares of you and that doesn’t leave anyone but her to care for him during those times.
It’s a horrible situation but I think she just knows she can’t (or won’t) be a stepparent, despite seining like she does care about you both. There’s no convincing, and no compromise, some people just do not want to raise someone else’s child and it’s a firm dealbreaker. I hope you’re able to get into therapy and do whatever it takes to get through this. I wish you the best.
Imo if you ask your friends to ask their wife and fiancee to apologize and there's no apology, then tell your friends you're just not gonna invite them to the wedding since the wife and fiancee hurt your fiancee. Or just not say anything and don't invite them altogether.
It's killing me. He is finally starting to realize (as of like an hour ago) just how badly it's been affecting him. Whether or not he changes his behavior regains to be seen.
My advice is to set down boundaries. “I don't want to talk about this anymore.” “I said I don't want to talk about this anymore please respect my wishes or I'm hanging up/leaving the room/etc”.
It’s one thing for a man to make more than enough money to support a family on one income without too much stress while she stays home to raise kids…but that doesn’t sound like you (I’m talking $250k minimum)
What you’re talking about is she keeps all of HER money (which isnt actually true) while you slave to give her everything. Sound like you’d have to be a sucker to accept that deal
You need therapy immediately. Your husband has been engaging in all kinds of problematic behavior for quite sometime, behavior that has put your children's wellbeing in jeopardy multiple times, and has now escalated to groping women in the street and your response is “Yeah, but…” That is horrifying.
And this is why 19 year should not be considered adults.
Leave and go back home.
These are lessons learned at a very young age. In all likelihood GF was an ignored child. Its a pattern thats imprinted on her by her parents. Breaking through that will involve basically rewiring her brain.
Yeah. You need to go get scanned for all major stds. Like seriously; go do it this week.
And then next week, drop Sir Fucksalottawenches, because that’s too much drama you, me, and Reddit.
Your boyfriend isn't dumb. He knows exactly what's going on and he's enjoying it.
But okay, let's pretend he's sincere and he truly believes this is just a friendship situation. Find a guy friend who will mimic her behavior with you.
Don't get me wrong, I totally believe opposite sexes can be friends. But I doubt that will be the tune your boyfriend continues to sing when another man runs his hand along your arm and calls you “my girl”
That is sad, she didn't want marriage, because of failed marriages in her family. Later she got confident she can trust you and so she wanted to be your wife. Nothing strange here, it's very hot to even call it changing of mind on the topic itself. You have clearly made her believe she can actually have a happy marriage despite what she has seen in her family.
It is sad, because right now your relationshi might fall apart, because of that.
Makes me happy to read that!
My now husband and I moved in together after 2 months of dating. We got married 5 days after our one year anniversary. We are still going strong, but only in Year 2 so far!
Some friends and family thought we were crazy, but others understood – when you know you found The One, you just know!
We have tried counseling and I am 100% transparent with her on any and all interactions with my ex. Any other suggestions?
So how is she even able to intrude? How does she know about this LDR girlfriend
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Don’t stay for your children. They need a happy father.
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So I printed out the papers to petition to just see if she would try to stop me and see if she cares about it
No you did it to see if she would stop you and see if she cares about it. Or that's the reason you said when you were writing it, and that's probably not the real reason. You've told yourself enough different reasons by now that you don't even remember the real reason.
Anyway, doesn't matter. Whatever has gone wrong, it's irrepairable. Just move on now and make the most of your lives without each other.
You don't show appreciation why should he, it's a two-way street
Well can the family not see them in the next town? Can y’all not go see the family? Is he keeping them kids from the family? I’m trying to find the nefarious angle cuz frankly it doesn’t seem like that big a deal unless the kids already had roots there or you and your side of the family were doing all the raising and his wssnt
OK, but your last post about your marriage being terrible was like three months ago so maybe hold off until you’ve actually been good for a significant period of time.
I ask my girlfriend to leave a pair of panties and her pajamas for when she's gone. We are long distance and i want to be able to smell her when she's gone. If he wants a pair, just give it to him if you are comfortable with it (you are supposed to wear them first tho)
So you just suddenly came to the conclusion out of nowhere on the day she left for three weeks? I have a feeling that's not true and you've probably been debating this for a while and not telling her. You want someone to give you the go-ahead to sabotage her vacation as…what? An abuse on the way out? It is a very typical tactic of emotionally immature people to wait for a time that their partner would be most impacted/humiliated by to tell them something big like a break up or cheating etc.
do what you want tbh because you should have done this before her vacation.
She sounds like an absolute nightmare. The advice is to run. I promise you this isn't going to get better.
Such agreement on a thread is very rare- I hope you can believe it! This man is dangerous, your (mental) health means nothing to him! What is your family saying? Do you feel supported?
This is straight out of the ppd playbook, I’ve seen it happen. Unfortunately if you don’t treat it and after that amount of time, there’s pretty much nothing anyone can do.
She gave her number to a guy also mentioning she has a bf. Men and women can be just friends, you know. Also make new male friends while in a relationship.
I can't i can't argue with that. You are 100% right.
I feel I did, he did apologize and we talked but that night he made advances on me so I'm not sure it really got through. I know I said it clearly. It's if he understood that I'm questioning.
He doesn't get final choice, but he is a parent, too. It should be a joint decision. There hasn't yet been a solution that both parents like, so the discussion isn't over.
She gets final say on everything pregnancy related, because it's her body. But the second those children are born he should be treated like an equal parent (with the exception being breastfeeding decisions because, again, her body.)
There are a lot of legal/safety/bureaucratic issues that come with being a parent to a child that doesn't have your name. He has valid arguments for wanting his in there, and her unilaterally making parenting decisions (especially one that has the potential to alienate him from his children) is very worrying.
Not having many common topics is fine, as long as you two have a good rapport and similar goals. It sounds like the rapport isn’t there.
It’s only been a month, so maybe she’s still nervous to be herself. Maybe she’s still trying to learn the role of whatever relationship you have. Sometimes rapport comes with time. Sometimes it doesn’t.
If you like her, certainly no harm in having a few more dates. Maybe try having a date in a space she would feel like an expert. For example, if she was in the tennis club in college, try some tennis. If she studied plants, maybe go to an arboretum. Maybe that’ll get her to open up a bit.
But ya know, give yourself a time limit. If nothing changes in the next 2-3 weeks, you can knowledgeably call it over knowing you gave it full effort.
If your wife stays is she not essentially forced to parent your son? I think she understands that your son deserves parents who love him and want to take care of him and she understands that that’s not her. If you take full custody there’s not really a scenario that she doesn’t parent – you’ll be in the same home so she can’t just ignore your son and make him feel poorly, and you said she even sometimes takes cares of you and that doesn’t leave anyone but her to care for him during those times.
It’s a horrible situation but I think she just knows she can’t (or won’t) be a stepparent, despite seining like she does care about you both. There’s no convincing, and no compromise, some people just do not want to raise someone else’s child and it’s a firm dealbreaker. I hope you’re able to get into therapy and do whatever it takes to get through this. I wish you the best.
My first husband used to hit my arms bc he thought it was funny when i bruised so easy.
Guess who tried to murder me a couple of weeks later?
Her going out and getting a drink and being flirted with is not a bad thing for her.
She wouldn't keep doing it if she didn't enjoy it.
Imo if you ask your friends to ask their wife and fiancee to apologize and there's no apology, then tell your friends you're just not gonna invite them to the wedding since the wife and fiancee hurt your fiancee. Or just not say anything and don't invite them altogether.
Yeah I just don’t
This isn’t a difference of politics. This is a difference of morals and integrity.
Are we married to the same guy?
It's killing me. He is finally starting to realize (as of like an hour ago) just how badly it's been affecting him. Whether or not he changes his behavior regains to be seen.
My advice is to set down boundaries. “I don't want to talk about this anymore.” “I said I don't want to talk about this anymore please respect my wishes or I'm hanging up/leaving the room/etc”.
It’s one thing for a man to make more than enough money to support a family on one income without too much stress while she stays home to raise kids…but that doesn’t sound like you (I’m talking $250k minimum)
What you’re talking about is she keeps all of HER money (which isnt actually true) while you slave to give her everything. Sound like you’d have to be a sucker to accept that deal
You need therapy immediately. Your husband has been engaging in all kinds of problematic behavior for quite sometime, behavior that has put your children's wellbeing in jeopardy multiple times, and has now escalated to groping women in the street and your response is “Yeah, but…” That is horrifying.