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Mary, 18 y.o.
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Date: October 16, 2022
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Why did him saying he didnt want you messaging a guy automatically lead you to deleting the whole app? If he's insecure, he should just say it. Not push those thoughts on other people.
Just take finasteride and goodbye libido.
THIS RIGHT HERE.
Nah call him what he is, a man and an. Awful one
You guys need to take some time for youself. book yourself a massage session, vist some new place that you both like , or take on a hobby etc etc
You can't compromise on kids if you want none and the other wants some. You may be able to compromise if one would like 5 and the other 2 so you get 3 or something like that but compromising on having kids even though you want none is a horrible idea! Children come with a lot of responsibilitys and consequences. If you aren't fully into the idea…don't. Your doing no one a favour besides maybe your partner.
I'm sorry but it seems like you are not for each other
This issue sounds like a teen.
I don’t think therapy is necessary if the OP is a juvenile; the odds are she’ll grow out of it soon enough. OP honey, we all have feelings, but you can’t let them rule your behaviour. You know, emotional regulation is a skill we’re not born with (small kids have tantrums and cry a lot, and it gets less as they get older!) but we learn it. That said, feelings can always catch you unawares, and most of us still put a bit of work at it.
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He is being unfair about this, but maybe it isn't the hill to die on.
Have the talk. You shouldn’t be with someone who’s gonna string you along.
I’ve always been upfront with my now husband as well about my timeline and his proposal actually came a lot earlier than I expected it. I asked him for a long engagement, he was okay with that. We got married in November after a two year engagement and we’re very happy! Clear boundaries and communication are essential when it comes to marriage.
Did he before you married? Probably something I would’ve looked into before you got that far but that’s just me
Get out of there, how do you expect to on-line the rest of your life like that, she needs help big time.
She will not change and you will be miserable for as long as you stay with her.
I don't even think he had cancer. His wife definitely wasn't the nurse that was in on a surgery he had. You got played.
Suppose that only makes one of us then
This is a VC Andrews story.
Oh okay, thanks for sharing. Ugh I don’t know what to say besides I feel for you and I hope you find peace. ?
No it's not over. We are currently in our break period.
this really feels like a manipulation attempt to me, so he can get you to grovel to him and he has all the power. i really hope you have friendships outside this relationship
I don't want to say what his job is to stay as anonymous as possible. but he does counsel people as part of his job
Do not give her the opportunity.
Did you ask him what he wanted to do for Valentine’s Day, or did you just hand him a list of instructions and an itinerary? I don’t think there is anything you can ask him to do, rather I would start asking him what he wants. The last half of your post reads like you are talking about an employee. That doesn’t seem healthy to me.
This sub is ridiculous. ReLAtiOnShIP iS oVeR
Kids/no kids is an absolute deal breaker for any relationship. It ruined my first marriage before I even got to our one-year anniversary (well, that and my ex wife cheating). We were both young, early twenties, and had that “maybe someday” approach to kids. For me, kids was “someday” and for her, kids was “maybe”. Completely incompatible, and by the time she left me we were very resentful of each other. Me to her because I felt like she pulled the rug out from under me and her to me because she felt like I was forcing her into a life that she didn't want.
So you’re an habitual liar. You were lying about small things and you graduated to bigger lies. I think it’s safe to say you’re not exactly trustworthy and you finally lied about a topic your “strong willed” wife wants to put her foot down about. Good job!
When it comes to any friendships in a relationship, I’d say a rule of thumb is not put effort in the friendship than you put into your romantic relationship. If you text your wife throughout the day, have lunch with her at least once a week and you take a nice field trip every few weeks – cool. But something tells me your wife gets way less attention than your friend does. So… not cool.
Your guess is as good as mine. I've always had female friends (right back to primary school), I usually prefer female professionals (doctors etc.), most game characters I make are female. Something going on there but damned if I know what it is
Break up with him. You shouldn’t be with someone who obviously doesn’t respect you.
He's not wrong. Buy a house instead of wasting $$ on a 1-day party. Have something small and simple.
When I asked him, he said that she must be confused and it’s a case of miscommunication. I didn’t want to speak about it then when emotions were heightened and I knew I wouldn’t be able to explain why this is so effed up. I don’t believe this is a misunderstanding and if I’m honest, I feel like I’m in shock a bit
It makes no difference to me which gender makes more. I used him as making more due to the op’s boyfriend worried about protecting his assets. I’m assuming if she made more, he wouldn’t be worrying about it.
Yes I agree that in a marriage they should be doing half the work. That means half the chores and paying half the bills. So in the hypothetical that he makes more, he also has more personal money that she is not entitled to in the case of divorce. So you would agree with this, yes?
As far as children go, again, they should both be doing equal amounts of childcare unless they come to an agreement otherwise. Personally, I feel that as soon as possible, she go back to work to start contributing financially to the household.
I’ll admit that I’m basing some of this of my own financial situation when I say that it’s not worth it to me and I can’t afford to pay my partner (via her not working outside the home and me being the only one bringing in an income) to do housework. I’m more than capable of working and doing housework at night but I can’t work, be expected to do housework at night, and pay for a whole other person’s expenses. This is also why personally, I don’t feel as if I can have children.
Why does he think of her that way? Maybe he’s seen women take or try to take men for as much as they could. Maybe it’s less to do with her and more to do with how the courts work. Maybe he works a physically demanding job and she doesn’t and doesn’t want her profiting off him literally breaking his body to get ahead while she chooses to work a less demanding job. These are all reasons I just came up with out of thin air but I could see as being why he might feel that way. But I don’t know for sure.
I was married to a woman about 10 years younger than myself. We had many talks about finances. This included frank discussions about our assets if we didn't work out. I explained that since I was 10 years older than her, any division of my assets would be significant and would upset my plans for early retirement, and I wanted a prenup to protect us both (she didn't work and had a significant inheritance she lived off of, so protection would've been mutual). She took offense and it resulted in a massive argument any time we picked up the discussion. She kept saying it wasn't anything she would ever do, she has enough money, it isn't in her character, blah blah blah. After months are arguing, I finally relented, and we got married without the prenup.
Flash forward about 5 years, she's making threats to take everything she can get: 401k, social security, etc. I had an ace in the hole that immediately shut this threat down, and I never heard another word about it, us walking away with everything we came into the marriage with, but a lot of people aren't so lucky.
This is a lot to say that you have no way of knowing what the behavior of a person will be when they are going through great pain. They can break through promises and everything you think you know about their character without a thought. Push for that paper shield. Make it mutually beneficial (protections for both of you, how to handle future inheritances, windfalls, investments, assets acquired during the marriage, etc.). I would recommend hiring somebody who specializes in such things, as they will be familiar with any relevant legal requirements and can probably think of things you and your bf may not.
Nobody gets married thinking they're going to be divorced, and yet somewhere around half of us do. Having a written plan you can stick to in case it happens can offer some certainty and a bit of comfort while you're going through what feels like your whole world is falling apart. I hope your bf sees the prudence in this.
Two years worth of damage is not going to be healed in a few months. You need to lay off of expecting things of her right now.
You can’t snap your fingers after two years of neglect and expect her to crawl into your lap like a dog. She’s a person and she’s hurting and you are the cause of that hurt. You can not expect her to make herself completely emotionally available to you when the wound you created is still so fresh.
Keep working on yourself and be reliable. If your marriage is going to be repaired then it needs to happen naturally over time. Her emotional well is exhausted right now and if you take care of yourself and your emotions so she doesn’t have to, it will give her a chance to refill.
I’m concerned for you. Clearly, you suffer from anxiety and don’t feel particularly safe. I don’t think it’s her but I think this experience has triggered an old trauma. Please talk to someone so you can learn to distinguish between past and present. She violated a boundary you felt but didn’t speak up and may have froze when it was happening which is why you’re confused.
Well said.
OP I highly encourage you to read the book Codependent No More.
Do you know them? how would you know for sure otherwise?
Stop trying to turn assumptions into facts. These keyboard warriors, I tell you.. smh
The advice is try to get out of the lease, it’s early and if in demand it should be easy. Also try to get your job back. Now. It’s time to let this guy go.