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Mary, 18 y.o.
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Date: October 29, 2022
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Fuck your boyfriend, he has no empathy.
Your Dad being in your life and visiting is a non-negotiable.
So the bottom line here is, your boyfriend doesn’t want your Dad (your only close family) to stay over once a month because your boyfriend can’t tolerate your father’s behaviour?
It sounds from your comments that your Dad has ADD and can’t help a lot of these traits and your boyfriend has no tolerance for it.
This is not a person you want to share the rest of your life with. Once a month is not a huge amount of time, your Dad is not being overly burdensome and he probably misses seeing his only daughter.
She needs to be working on these insecurities without displacing frustration onto you. It’s also weird how she has bad insecurities, but chooses to do nothing about them
What is it that you want from her anyway. Block him and stop talking to him?. But you will.not ask her to do that and so she hasnt.
I agree with airauqa. I would sit them both down together and let them know that you appreciate their concerns, but you're an adult. Let them know what your boundaries are and how you want them to handle their discussions about you and your relationship.
If you know your Mom has boundry issues take your SO aside and let him know what your comfortable with him discussing with her. Set these boundaries now and make sure they both keep to them. I'm sure he'll have things he won't want you to discuss with his family should they ask. This way you'll start off with good strong rules for dealing with each other's families.
Good luck
Yeah, you’re right. Personality Disorders are NOT and excuse to act however you want when drunk. It is NOT an excuse to be a POS.
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Go seek a lawyer you don't need him. Lut your kid first.
Thank you for your reply.
It doesn't bother me that he spoke up about the fact that it was the lack of sex that bothered him, it was the way he did it, and tried to make it seem like it was my fault that he didn't get his needs met. Masturbation is always an option.
About his brother, I think it's a problem that he doesn't even speak up about it at all, it tells me that he is just going to “ignore” the fact that his brother physically hit his partner. It doesn't reflect well on him in my opinion. I'm not expecting him to judge his family member, but I would expect anyone to speak up about it, once they were told what had happened.
Get off fucking Reddit and go to the police now. He DRUGGED your child. Get yourself tested, your kid tested, and contact authorities. Stop wasting time.
Genuinely, I think you should have a heart to heart with your wife about her sexuality; from what you described, as a lesbian myself, she sounds wholly disinterested in physical play with you, but is more than willing to do so with another woman. She only had one relationship before you and never really gave herself the chance to consider otherwise; she might be having second thoughts.
She also is more preoccupied with her friends than you; what is your relationship like outside of what you listed? Does she go out of her way to spend time with you? Do things you enjoy? Take an interest in your hobbies? Do you pay for most things? How one-sided do things feel?
No, it can't. The whole point is the lack of respect and feminism. Stop being so naive lol. Just leave the dude and start dating a proper guy, or continue your sugar business.
Btw, no sugar daddy is going to be a good person. They are doing this because they can't get women the proper way. Why is that? Did you gave it a thought?
If it is it may be a lot and a lot of lies because he doesnt want to be seen as the bad guy
Regardless of your current feelings if you cheated 3 years ago that’s still an action you took.
Why should it matter what your current feelings are, and why would anyone trust what you SAY your feelings are, when you cheated and lied about it every day for 3 years? Not exactly trust building behavior
I’m thinking he has to be Gay and wants to keep up the facade of a straight man. She should look into the matter before that second wedding. Cause you deserve more than whatever this relationship is.
I got married to a guy 9 years older than me when I was 23. I’m 38 now. I feel like he stole my early 20s. I hate the fact that he took advantage of me at such a young age. You have so much life to online, don’t get hung up on some dude you haven’t even met yet. Believe me, it’s not worth it.
Wait…a 31 year old adult gave you the “silent treatment” because they felt “unappreciated”!? Nah that’s when I would have ended the marriage
Sorry OP, you've got an immature guy who is like the old Rita Rudner joke 'Men are like bears with furniture (In this case I would be most of the furniture except his gaming rig is yours?).'
Some guys just don't care; get away with whatever they can, can easily move on if you are too much. They care more about being lazy and gaming.
Can you see 30 years of this? Raising kids together?
If you do talk to her again, recommend she get tested for borderline personality disorder. Not saying she has it or trying to diagnose but a lot of your comments about her remind me of myself before medication.
Thank you. I appreciate it. Not sure I can visit right away but I absolutely would if I could. I haven’t called because I am afraid he won’t answer.
I understand being bloodthirsty after going through something as terrible as that. I won’t tell you not to act for revenge, but I will ask that you be the bigger man. Don’t stoop to his level. He’ll get what’s coming to him eventually whether you interfere or not.
Honeslty dawg, I'm a lot more confused about people's response to my post than I am about my actual situation at this point. You are completely on point with what you said. I still don't agree that it was sexual assault or anything to that degree, although I can see how it could be viewed that way to some. However you are right in saying it was difficult for me to process it right away. I was genuinely unsure of how I felt about it up until recently now that I've talked with him. I posted this pretty soon after it had happened simply wanting some clarification and other opinions. Initially, I was very confused and shocked and felt uncomfortable with what had happened. The fact of the matter is I did not consent to what happened to me. He didn't do anything purposefully and he thought I had consented so I am not holding any anger towards him about it, it was a miscommunication. However, i still did not consent and that makes a person feel a certain type of way regardless of the situation. I feel a lot better now. Ive talked to him, he understood and even told me he had been thinking about it too. We were both baked and he said he just wasn't sure how to bring it up. We had a conversation about plan of action in the case I need a plan b or an abortion at any time and we also established a safe word for the future. I feel a lot better now but still am bummed about it happening. Idk why people are jumping at you for simply suggesting I take my time and look at the situation from all angles. That's exactly what I was trying to do. I did not want to brush off sexual assault that easily because I know a LOT of people do that because they don't think what happened to them counts or they haven't processed it properly etc. I didn't want that to be me, I didn't want to continue seeing someone who possibly hurt me and wanted to make sure of these things completely. Thank you for understanding that and not being an asshole
Not that long. It's a simple blood test now.
as far as fighting goes i’ve recently signed up for therapy in hopes to help that, but besides the fighting i just don’t know if it’s worth putting my all into something for someone who isn’t sure they want to be there anyways
This is IMO the best advice, not everyone is skilled at grey rocking, and it's perfectly acceptable to make it clear that while you love and support her, you can not abide their presence.
Who knows, maybe your boundary will help her realize she is also able to refuse attendance. My firm boundaries with my own parental abusers have helped my spouse see that he doesn't have to bend over backward to accommodate his own. While he still is in LC and VVLC with his, it has helped him find some footing with what he does and doesn't want to tolerate.
I love how men never get support on this sub.
So let him leave.
Umm yeah it's clear it's not your idea or even your thing by the way you describe it.
It will absolutely change the way you feel about him if you are already having anxiety and having those thoughts now.
You told him you would do something you don't actually want to do and rationalized it because of “age”.
Are you maybe doing this to satisfy him because you think he will cheat.or lose.interest in you if you don't?
You have some thinking to do but I would say do not cross a boundary that you suspect will ruin your marriage. Talk with him and say you are not the other girl. Tell him how you feel and that maybe this isn't for you. Then the ball is in his court. He should be understanding of that if he is a good man.
Sounds like OP got poisoned by bitter divorced guys. The “horror stories” he's heard abuout wives being granted half the guy's pension… after giving up her career and raising his children? Seems fair to me?