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1. If he's still displaying a behavioural pattern that both of you agree is detrimental to your relationship I don't see this ultimatum as over the top nor abusive.

   I'd say you could set as conditions for him to get back or if he gets back due to authorities saying he can, he could stay in a guest root or the couch and only get his privileges back if you both go to couples counseling. Even if he rejects the counseling or goes half-assed or not enough sessions you'd still benefit from working on yourself.

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