First things first. Tell him everything you just told us.
Tell him you know it's a problem. tell him you know you're wrong to do it. Tell him you want to change but you don't know how. Tell him how much he means to you. Ask him to help.
I am loathe to recommend therapy because many therapists are Shady AF and more and more…especially younger ones from more feminist/leaning schools of thought…seem to get off on encouraging breakups more than they try to help a relationship stay together.
If you do pursue therapy i'd look for an OLDER therapist. Preferably male. Preferably traditional-minded. Maybe look around at local churches? Many priests are willing to offer couples counseling though i'm not sure if you have to be an active member of their congregation or not so maybe that wouldn't work for you if you're not religious.
Stick with it. Try to get him to come with you if you can.
If you have trouble committing to therapy or you find a trustworthy therapist maybe try looking at your past. Everything you are today is shaped by your past. Did your parents have a combative relationship? Were you competing with siblings for affection? Try to figure out the origin of where you developed these social habits. Not everybody needs a therapist to do that. If you're willing to be introspective enough…and brutally honest with yourself…you can deduce all the things in your past…because it's almost never just one or two things… that made you this way.
Do not fall into the trap of using those things as an excuse. You just need to figure out what they are so you can figure out what triggers those feelings in you and diminish their power over you.
I hope some of that helps. It's hot but doable. I was too introverted for therapy so I finally spent years doing some hardcore self-reflection and self-training to break some of my uglier emotional habits and coping mechanisms over the years.
It is absolutely doable. Especially if your husband is willing to help.
She’s not wrong. 26 is pretty old to still be living at home with almost no responsibilities financially or otherwise. You don’t learn to be an adult overnight, if you’re planning on having kids , getting married or even living together you need some type of grasp on reality.
Get it together. It actually is very worrying that you don’t know how much toilet paper is. Not only do you now pay for your own groceries, you don’t seem to do much of anything for yourself such as grocery shopping. Not many grown women see a future with a man like that.
She’s not wrong. 26 is pretty old to still be living at home with almost no responsibilities financially or otherwise. You don’t learn to be an adult overnight, if you’re planning on having kids , getting married or even living together you need some type of grasp on reality.
Get it together. It actually is very worrying that you don’t know how much toilet paper is. Not only do you now pay for your own groceries, you don’t seem to do much of anything for yourself such as grocery shopping. Not many grown women see a future with a man like that.
we have been seeing a counselor for nearly a year.
I am a big believer in marriage counseling, but sometimes counseling is helpful to get people to the point of realizing what's broken isn't getting fixed, and walking away as amicably as possible.
What is it you are looking for when you complete a task? A thank you? You could tell her you need to hear some appreciation. Criticisms & commentary are fine (you missed a spot), but they are heard better after a positive reaffirming statement (thank you so much for your nude work! There's a corner that needs some help- I'll fix it, etc. etc.) and the information hits differently. Tone goes a long way.
If this is someplace you've both been before and it keeps happening anyway even after honest communication about both your needs, you may be getting your answer.
First things first. Tell him everything you just told us.
Tell him you know it's a problem. tell him you know you're wrong to do it. Tell him you want to change but you don't know how. Tell him how much he means to you. Ask him to help.
I am loathe to recommend therapy because many therapists are Shady AF and more and more…especially younger ones from more feminist/leaning schools of thought…seem to get off on encouraging breakups more than they try to help a relationship stay together.
If you do pursue therapy i'd look for an OLDER therapist. Preferably male. Preferably traditional-minded. Maybe look around at local churches? Many priests are willing to offer couples counseling though i'm not sure if you have to be an active member of their congregation or not so maybe that wouldn't work for you if you're not religious.
Stick with it. Try to get him to come with you if you can.
If you have trouble committing to therapy or you find a trustworthy therapist maybe try looking at your past. Everything you are today is shaped by your past. Did your parents have a combative relationship? Were you competing with siblings for affection? Try to figure out the origin of where you developed these social habits. Not everybody needs a therapist to do that. If you're willing to be introspective enough…and brutally honest with yourself…you can deduce all the things in your past…because it's almost never just one or two things… that made you this way.
Do not fall into the trap of using those things as an excuse. You just need to figure out what they are so you can figure out what triggers those feelings in you and diminish their power over you.
I hope some of that helps. It's hot but doable. I was too introverted for therapy so I finally spent years doing some hardcore self-reflection and self-training to break some of my uglier emotional habits and coping mechanisms over the years.
It is absolutely doable. Especially if your husband is willing to help.
Leave this manipulative fuck and never look back.
Sounds like he's an ex.
Found the husband
She’s not wrong. 26 is pretty old to still be living at home with almost no responsibilities financially or otherwise. You don’t learn to be an adult overnight, if you’re planning on having kids , getting married or even living together you need some type of grasp on reality.
Get it together. It actually is very worrying that you don’t know how much toilet paper is. Not only do you now pay for your own groceries, you don’t seem to do much of anything for yourself such as grocery shopping. Not many grown women see a future with a man like that.
She’s not wrong. 26 is pretty old to still be living at home with almost no responsibilities financially or otherwise. You don’t learn to be an adult overnight, if you’re planning on having kids , getting married or even living together you need some type of grasp on reality.
Get it together. It actually is very worrying that you don’t know how much toilet paper is. Not only do you now pay for your own groceries, you don’t seem to do much of anything for yourself such as grocery shopping. Not many grown women see a future with a man like that.
Do you think I should just never bring it up to her again?
we have been seeing a counselor for nearly a year.
I am a big believer in marriage counseling, but sometimes counseling is helpful to get people to the point of realizing what's broken isn't getting fixed, and walking away as amicably as possible.
What is it you are looking for when you complete a task? A thank you? You could tell her you need to hear some appreciation. Criticisms & commentary are fine (you missed a spot), but they are heard better after a positive reaffirming statement (thank you so much for your nude work! There's a corner that needs some help- I'll fix it, etc. etc.) and the information hits differently. Tone goes a long way.
If this is someplace you've both been before and it keeps happening anyway even after honest communication about both your needs, you may be getting your answer.
This man is not mature enough to have sex with anyone. His reaction to something as common as a UTI is a huge red flag.