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Michelle Sweet, 25 y.o.
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Date: December 6, 2022
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I forgot to mention, he posted some of his pictures on social media hanging out with his friends. They see each other almost everyday (guy friends though). That's why I was so affected. I mean, the least he can do is just let me know if he needed a break. I unfollowed him on social media, I didnt want him to think that I'm stalking him. Anyway, thank you for commenting. I am happy for you 🙂
Should try an NDRI. I had the same problem on SSRIs
Maybe they weren't self-conscious about it. Maybe they just didn't like it. Why can people not accept that?
Sounds like it’s going great. Let it do that. Don’t get in your own way.
Of course, that might make people suspicious. Pretty much anything you do is a gamble one way or another. Probably your best approach is to do and say nothing and let it be you and your husband's little secret.
I had someone who did the same. For two years and they were “roommates”. She kept reassuring me that there was nothing going on, but after I told her let just be friends, she came clean and said she felt like she was with him more than me. She even hooked up with a friend whom she kept telling me, “he’s just a friend” and I believed her. it def messed with me but I had a feeling so long ago, I made myself detach just in case.
If you get a gut feeling, trust it. Now I don’t date people who still keep in touch with people, whom they had a past with. This had happened with just with men too, and well.. I’m traumatized. The moment I hear they’re close with ex fwb/bf, I run lol
All I see are future issues that could be very difficult to move away from. It’s easy for someone to be respectful and suppress their feelings in a 30 minute meet and greet. Much harder to do so spending every single day together in the same house
I would end it. Him not inviting you but being so willing to go knowing that she’s going and there are other singles there – it’s too much. If the roles were reversed, would he be alright with it ?
You might be being immature, but trying to manipulate people into doing something they don't want is disgusting behavior on their part. You don't have to do it and shouldn't be pressured into it.
That being said, I would have just done it because if you don't believe in the religion it doesn't really make a difference its just some respect for your family members.
Should I block him? even though I should not hate him for moving on? but his stories keep me thinking of him.
Why is he doing it?
Sorry. If you ever just need to vent feel free to scream at me
They've been dating 3 years, he and the other woman were “together” for 1.5
R/justnomil and quick.
Do not expect her to change, always expect her to be difficult. Never think “if I’m just nice enough/respectful enough/pay enough attention to her, for long enough/consistently, then one day she’ll understand that I’m worthy of different treatment.”
She won’t. She’s proven she won’t.
I hope your SO always defends you like that, it’s the only chance you have of having a great future with him. You drop the rope with her, let him talk to her 100% of the time. Decide with SO now how life would look if she offered him money for a down payment but she wanted to be on the house. What it would look like if you get engaged but she wants to be a part of it. If you got pregnant.
You have to be on the same page.
I don't think u should worry bout this xD
I'm sure u would have more sex if u had more free time. Myself and my Bf only do it once a week as well and we're perfectly fine
People got too much time on their hands if they having sex 4 times a week hahaha
thank you so much for this I really appreciate it this is great advice!
That could be true but thinking that she was the one that started this being physical and I didn't even like force anything or did anything It was all from her side and I wasn't bothered So how does suddenly ignoring me?
He's 32. if he started having sex at 18 that's 14 years and they've been together for 5 leaving 9 years he was presumably single. That's only 7.8 people a year. Really not that many if you put in to perspective. But also, that says absolutely nothing about someone's ability to be loyal and maintain a happy, committed relationship. Don't confuse your anxieties with someone's actual character. I understand feeling like “how could I satisfy someone forever that's used to having different women all the time” but that anxiety and fear doesn't turn change the fact that after all that he has chosen to be with OP, loyally for over a third of his adult life.
Beats me.
Def tell him how you feel if you want to try to progress through this. Communication is key, if he wants or is ready for another relationship then he will tell you, but if he doesn't then you now know and can try to move on Sadly. The other thing is to just be there for him and listen to him talking about his flings(hurting yourself in the process on so many levels)
If she doesn’t need the money.. what is the point and why is she still doing it? It sounds like she wants to be the center of every man’s attention- she should only be wanting your attention. Do yourself a favor and leave. You’re better off finding a woman that respects herself AND you.
Sounds like you know what you should do. It will take a huge amount of courage but it will be worth it.
Yes she is.
She’s basically a pedo and you should tell your parents if they don’t know.
His problem not yours. I’m a guy – trust me you are helping him by dumping his ass. Either he will wake up and improve, or he will get a living situation more in line with what he deserves. You just don’t want to be alone but trust me you will find someone again.
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You suck it up and apologize sincerely, because you were absolutely wrong. While this wasn’t purposeful on your part, being falsely accused of SA on Thanksgiving has got to be absolutely traumatic for your sister’s boyfriend.
Of course they looked for evidence that he was telling the truth: if he was absolutely insistent that this didn’t happen, and if it was against what people knew of his character, it’s best to make certain that it did in fact happen. And lo and behold, when they did look, it turns out that it didn’t happen.
I suggest you do both a private apology to your sister and her boyfriend, and then a “public” apology that includes the people who were there when you accused him and he got kicked out.
This is going to be awkward and uncomfortable and painful for you, but it’s a good learning experience for life and is one of those rare things that actually does build character. You can be sorry for something going terribly wrong even if it wasn’t intentional, and it’s a good thing to admit your mistakes when you make them.
Life has already kicked my ass plenty.. so thanks? ??‍♀️
Too many people think being the dominate person means doing whatever they like and telling the other person to do what they want. But being the dominate person means you are responsible for the other person. Making sure they are comfortable with what is happening, that they are enjoying what is happening, and everyone feels safe. Hence why they usually say the sub is the one actually in charge, it's not all fun and games being in charge.
” because I dont want to make him feel bad by crying.” WTAF?! You don't want to make HIM feel bad? He thought nothing about your feelings when he opened his mouth about something you can't change (or should change).
Sounds like you really need to consider if this guy is worth the anxiety and insecurity. (spoiler alert – he's not) What a completely useless piece of meat he is.
If I was that son I would want to know that info about the father. I would demand he includes his other family in the will otherwise resentment will breed
How do you not hate your dad, honestly? I hate him with a burning passion even from reading this, I wouldn't need my mom to tell me to cut him off. He's treated you and your mother horribly and abused her sense of responsibility (letting her take care of him during his cancer and then going back to the useless trophy wife as soon as possible), cut you out of the will for no reason, even just letting his affair partner harass your mother is inexcusable. I'd tell him to shove it or else I'd feel like a complete doormat.
When people can't control their anger (bonus for blaming you for making them angry/gaslighting), that's an enormous red flag, no excuses.
I think getting off on something and merely appreciating cinematic art is totally different. When I look at violent stuff, I’m not overjoyed. I see war and heartbreak and even abuse and rape pictured in movies, but it DOES NOT AMUSE ME. It makes me feel sad or angry, I even cry at movies. Getting off on rape and incest fantasies is not the same thing.
I think getting off on something and merely appreciating cinematic art is totally different. When I look at violent stuff, I’m not overjoyed. I see war and heartbreak and even abuse and rape pictured in movies, but it DOES NOT AMUSE ME. It makes me feel sad or angry, I even cry at movies. Getting off on rape and incest fantasies is not the same thing.
Is it a kink or is it a trust issue, it’s one or the other, and you decide what’s okay for you. You haven’t been together that long.
You deserve privacy and the autonomy to lock a door without fear of it being unlocked.
TL; DR: your boyfriend has some really common but poisonous issues.
This isn’t really about the iPad.
It’s about him failing to fit his actual real relationship and life into an ideal that he himself is actually responsible for but for which he isn’t taking responsibility.
When somebody says he isn’t doing anything with his life because he’s just coming home and playing video games, I’m not terribly sympathetic.; that’s a choice to be a boring person.
When he blames that on a partner, it makes me feel downright hostile.
His life sucks because you aren’t buying lingerie? He hasn’t bought a house because of you?
Notice this: he gets bent out of shape because the iPad which he never fixed but which you did is bent out of shape. But he doesn’t let you make it right by replacing it.
This is straight up a need to put his inadequacies and self-disgust on you, making it your fault, and not permitting you to make the changes that would reveal that it’s actually his deficiencies.
This is a common tactic. But it rarely goes away without therapy. Let him go. Refuse to shoulder the blame for his refusal to be an adult and take responsibility for his life and it’s direction.
This would be a dealbreaker for me. He needs to go and the dog should stay.
who cares? hes asking why his wife is lying to him in private. she could easily tell him she changed her mind.
Because she lives her life at the older age. All her schooling has been at that level, meaning all friends have been older so she has been socialized to be the older age as well.
This isn't exactly the case of someone lying, the is someone who was told they were now older, and became that.
Thanks for responding, I appreciate it.
I do like her, I just feel that the pressure and expectations from her are unfair. I have been very very focal that I will need her to contribute and I get it…. who wants to work? I'd much rather not but it's not a luxury I can afford.
My family is very poor (and immigrants to the US), so things like my grandparents funeral expenses, my mother's entire cost of living, and my own are unfortunately my responsibility. So I make sure to save a lot so that I have cash at hand to afford all of these things.
Her life is completely different. Her mom paid her entire graduate degree (where we met), paid for her apartment during the two years we were on that program (cash up front), and she hasn't had a financial stressful day in her life.
I guess that's where the resentment lies… Is I constantly am looking for what's next in my career and as I mentioned was making $75k a year and now at $250k a year in the five years since we got married. That came with a lot of very hot work and that's just not a drive that she has… she doesn't have the pressure to have to go through that and doesn't understand where I'm coming from. Is that we have such varying differences in financial upbringing.
I was curious if others have dealt with something similar.
You guys got together and married young. He never experienced a wild side and now he wants to try other things. Its called a mid-life crisis.
Update: thank you everyone for the advice and information. He comfortably opened up to me today and told me he has had a cyst on his crack and he hasn’t gotten it fixed bc he has had no health insurance and kept putting it off. He does have insurance now though and I urged him to go to the Dr so he will be going!
Hit it on the head , had me tearing up because things are finally hitting me. I tried to make it brief and to the current point. But yes addiction + tax problems = equaled losing almost everything when I was young. It was some really very hot times for my mom and she did her best. But he can’t let go of how life should have been different
I am having that realization and not lying to myself anymore that I’ll never have that relationship it’s taken longer then it should have and it’s really hard. There’s so much more to it obviously. Just hope I haven’t let myself be completely defeated and regain who I used to be. I’ll be making calls to talk to someone Monday. And talking to my dad more confidently after writing everything down.
I mean you can ask or demand an apology but you either won’t get it or it won’t be sincere. If you don’t see how it’s your boyfriend that’s the issue then I don’t know what to tell you.
She’s not healthy enough to be in a relationship.
She cheated on him. He has every reason not to trust him. You don't get to cheat on someone and then be upset that they don't trust you, or put a date and time on when that trust is supposed to be regained.
Nope. Cocaine is more likely.
Will a criminal record and jail time affect his ability to get a good job? Probably, it will prevent him from being able to get any job where a security clearance or criminal check is required, so most white collar jobs. So yes it will affect you and any children you may have in the future.
So what have u decided if it continues this way and she keeps u at arms length ? How long r u willing to wait n watch ?
You crossed a clear, set boundary that you both agreed to. She told you this was a deal breaker. You fucked up and you broke her trust Apologize and hope she’s willing to move past it. I’m not sure why you’re here trying to get sympathy for fucking up.
Because she told you she needed you to be responsible in order to move forward, and you pushed back saying you won’t until you think you are moving forward. She made it clear what she needed, and you decided she wasn’t worth it because you didn’t meet her parents.
You claim you can stop gambling (which honestly I question), and become responsible IF you get a wife, house, kids, etc. Most women, your gf included, want to KNOW you can be responsible before getting serious. Especially when money is concerned. All you have done is blown through your income, and aren’t even sure what you have to show for it. You said so yourself, you don’t know if you have made or lost money.
What have you done, other than spout you’ll change if she gets serious, to prove you can change and are ready for a commitment such as marriage.
This is not the same girlfriend who cheated on me before. So yeah that's my fear. I don't want previous baggage to come into play here and mess this up but I also don't want to go through the same heartbreak as before if this gets to that point. I know this isn't the same person or relationship but I'd be stupid to just dismiss a potential red flag cause this is a different relationship.
I'd figure it out first… ut it would be creepy if she did that…
But, you don't care about boundaries…you, obviously, will screw anything with a pulse.
Not, saying I haven't had moments of foolishness but yea..
IMO this is beyond thoughtful and meaningful. You are trying to keep your Nana safe but also trying to make it a theater date. All that effort you put in just to make it seem closer to being at a theater the LEAST he could do is not complain. It sounded like it would have been a great date if he just kept his mouth shut
No problem, and I'm glad it was helpful. I just saw your edit and I think you two are making the right decision telling Bob's wife, and also your girlfriend in being the one to deliver the news. Morally right, and also pragmatically right. Good luck with everything, and let us know what happens.
I agree, but she's 24 weeks, I think that's too late in most if not all states.
To be fair we were both drunk and I said it because she wasn’t giving me an inch and I wanted to hear her say she was sorry because she never does. I know it was wrong but she said hateful things too. And I quickly explained that to her. I regret saying it, no I don’t think it’s not a big deal but maybe I didn’t realize how traumatizing that was to hear either.
Honey, love is not enough. So what if you love him? You don’t get on, he doesn’t treat you especially well, and he sounds generally self centered and inconsiderate. Love can’t make up for those things.
Respectfully, being bisexual wouldn't help with what you are dealing with here.
A cis-gendered woman and a man wanting to be a different gender than the one he was born with are two separate types of people.
Like it was said in other posts, you are not compatible in terms of what sort of relationship is comfortable for you.
Also, unlike other woke posts, I disagree that you would be the asshole in regard to being sensitive toward your partner's gender fluidity.
Neither of you discussed how to console each other in case of tragic events without coming off as hurtful toward their gender identity.
But it's still literally cheating..? He's NOT single. He hasn't been single since the time he and OP committed to an exclusive relationship. Any other night after that exclusive relationship was agreed upon right up UNTIL the bucks night, it would OBVIOUSLY be cheating. There's no 'free pass suddenly not engaged anymore' that magically happens at the party.
Needs to be a big pinned post for all the “my bf didn't get me anything for vday” issues today lol
This one’s interesting. What was the fight over?
Throw the whole friend away… she’s ?️ trash. Cut her out. NC. Full stop.
*PPD
Convince her to go anyway because this sounds like a once in a lifetime opportunity for you two
My current bf (hopefully soon ex, trying to get the courage to take action and leave) is like OP and I'm definitely going to read this book so glad I found this comment!
I can online alone, the only downside will be it will cost me a little bit more.
so close! as i mentioned in my previous comment i actually said, watch closely now , “nut everyday November.” can we see how that statement is different from “no nut November.”
My bf worked until 2am last night in the ER and came home to me with the flu, very sick and miserable. I woke him up multiple times throughout the night coughing and then this morning at 10am he went to the pharmacy dead tired to get me medicine and Gatorade because I ran out of medicine and had a prescription I needed to get picked up. He takes such good care of me all the time, not only when I’m sick. I love him so much.
This may get downvoted into oblivion but MDMA is currently being tested as a therapeutic drug to help people with PTSD but it also does help with dealing with intimacy blocks.
Otherwise, the insecurity you are talking about requires both getting out of your head and getting over all of the crap being fed to you on tv, film, Instagram, and pretty much every aspect of our culture- the idea that only perfect women are sexually appealing. Most men who actually like women like them in lots of varying degrees of presentable. I used to get hit on when I was leaving the gym and had not showered. It freaked me out that someone was trying to talk to me when I looked like that and then I finally realized- oh, messy hair, sweaty, yeah- it's a post-sex look.
I'd say work on little steps. Instead of making sex the end goal ask him if he's willing to just make out with you sometimes when you have no makeup on and are in sweats. Learn to get comfortable with intimacy in small stages and being present even when you aren't 100% perfected up.
Is it really a that big of a “rewire”? If you want to make change for your partner then that isn't impossible right?
Id bet the brother has been putting ideas in his head and he has latched on to them. I have seen it happen before. I know I wouldn't be able to move on quickly either. Your reaction is very normal. He may come crawling back when he realises what he left behind. My advice would be to take your time. Do things for yourself. If he wants to come back that's something only you can decide to let happen. Its a rocky road but you'll find what you need.
You need to stop enabling your husband & son's shitty behavior. Chances are good that your younger children will pay the price.
What exactly did you expect would happen when you ended the relationship? And from how messy it sounded you did the right thing but you need to accept the situation for what it is because there is a little somebody to think about. You can cut off your best friend because of unresolved feelings but don't cut off a child from his father.
if I don’t forgive him he’s gone.
Awesome!
Let him go and get tested for stds. Quit fucking him forever and find someone who isn't like this.
You need to listen to your friend. There is a reason men like this go for young kids who don't have a fully developed pre frontal cortex.
You are very open to influence and manipulation and don't have experience laying down firm boundaries in intimate relationships. This man counts on this and is leveraging this imbalance of power and working it completely to his advantage.
It is entirely predatory.
There is a reason he doesn't date men his own age, likely because they have boundaries and are able to call him on his bs. He doesn't want that, he wants a child he can mould and a dynamic he can control entirely so he doesn't have to grow or change as a person.
Your friend is right. 19 might legally be an adult but 18-early 20s is really like Adult Lite. You’ve just recently gained the independence that comes with adulthood and it’s gonna take some time to figure things out and get the life experience it takes to really be an adult. There’s a world of difference just between 19 and 22, just like your friend said. Just a year ago, you were in grade school and having to ask to go to the bathroom.
It is absolutely, almost certainly, an issue she needs to get checked out. It is so unlikely that you are growing, and so very likely that she has an issue causing her to get more tense.
She needs to go to a gyno.
You are starting an emotional affair with your coworker. That’s a pretty shitty thing to do to someone you “love.” By the way, emotional cheating is real cheating, so add lying to yourself to the mix while you’re at it. Finally, confess your bf and at let him find someone lss faithless and selfish.
we have respect and we do love each other but i really wonder why he did this to me…he now listens to me and if something is bothering me he isn’t doing that, to be honest i’m kinda controlling right now
Awwww thank you. Yeah he was showing a lot of red flags. Now that I'm away from the situation, I see that he was super controlling. I couldn't even get off the couch without him complaining that I was moving too much. The fuck?! He brought me there to be a live-in housekeeper and babysitter and that's what I really think. Why else would he have brought me? It became clear that he was cheating emotionally and would have done so physically. It was just a matter of time. I'm just glad that I got away.
That’s all it seems to be: my insecurities.
Lol
Glad you were entertained.
Is there a way for you to move on and not contact her either? Closure usually just hurts more than anything. A face to face meeting where she tells you how happy she is with someone else doesn't sound productive. But I would just move on period.
Thank you everyone. There are comments I can’t see on Reddit but they came through on my phone (I wrote this whist on my break at work) one person called me a doormat but I couldn’t see the rest. To be honest your right. I’ve always been that way. I always give 100% so I can look back and see it wasn’t me but effectively it’s just destroying me.
I appreciate the comments. They are making me feel better and giving me a little bit of hope. A few things people have said has made me smile. One about his mother kissing his boo boos.
Writing it down has made it more real. I’ve shielded my son from all this as much as possible but he’s a bright kid and I need to set a better example for him
So you want him to do what exactly? You don't like fast food and that's fine, but you don't get to ask him to stop eating it because you don't like it. If there's no food in the house, he has to eat something.
That does suck, what a betrayal, my goodness. This might just be the tip of the iceberg too, consider an std test. He will probably try to say anything to get you to stay, don’t be swayed. Uprooting your life again is never easy but decisions he is making behind your back put you here. It is a gift to discover before you’ve married a guy you thought you knew but clearly don’t. Without trust and respect, there is NO healthy foundation for a relationship. He will only get better at hiding things. You’ve got this, tell someone you trust and know has your back. Get all the personal support you can. I’m sorry this happened to you.
No no no nooooo OP ffs.
This man has grabbed u, scared u, thrown a plate of food at you, pushed you and most likely verbally abused u.
Im currently pregnant i cannot imagine the stress this is putting on you and your baby. But for the love of all that is fucking holy please get out. Go to family go to friends fucking hell go to a motel.
You CANNOT raise a baby with him. What if the kid cries too much? What if the baby cant be soothed and “it pushes him too far”
Wtf will you do when he hurts that baby? You are already scared of him
And you cannot say he would never hurt that baby because you probably believed he wouldve never thrown a fucking plate at his pregnant gf.
For the love of christ don't create another statistic. Dont make this child a trauma holder watching his or her mom get abused by dearest daddy… trust me as a kid that saw that shit.
It's not fucking fair to put that on kids when you can't leave an abusive asshole.
Yeah dude these people are nuts. Your girl didn’t reject his advances and was flirting back. It’s over, and yes you did a dumb childish thing that sucks. But these people saying “oh it doesn’t matter” are on something
With absolutely no context, this could be him suggesting healthy communication as much as him being a horrible person.
Can you provide examples?
Edit because OP responded to me but deleted the response, but here was the response essentially to OP saying her husband saying she’s wrong for questioning disrespect; Thanks for the context. These two examples are interesting in the sense that there seems to be fault in opposite directions.
Example 1 – He says he vacuumed already. You tell him that it doesn’t look like it. So there’s then two scenarios; first, he didn’t vacuum and is gaslighting you. If that’s the truth, then my “fault in opposite directions” no longer exists. Second, he did vacuum but not to your liking. That might be fair enough if he ended up missing some spots or even was just lax about it. I could understand him being frustrated by your comment, but to be completely fair to you, that statement doesn’t need an “I feel” to soften it. “It doesn’t look like it” implies that you “feel” that way. His argument is absurd.
When we get to example 2, it unfortunately puts example one into better perspective. I started this by saying I saw two different sides. I’m now here saying I’m largely certain you’re entirely in the right. Example 1 was illogical in how he responded. But now we talk about example 2.
He speaks over you and you ask him to please not interrupt you as it’s disrespectful. That’s as polite a request as one might make, but logically something someone won’t want to hear. He responds; “you feel like it’s disrespectful.”
Alright, what’s his argument? Of course you feel like it’s disrespectful. That’s why you made the statement. Now, he obviously was suggesting that you feeling that way doesn’t make it fact; implying that he doesn’t see it as disrespectful, so your statement was baseless and that you’re crazy for suggesting as much. You know what that is? The definition of gaslighting.
So why is this? This is nothing but conjecture obviously, but I’d assume it’s because he’s treated you horribly for the duration of your relationship, has always convinced you that you’re wrong despite knowing the objective reality, and so he continues to do so because he knows there will never be a consequence for his actions.
What are your options? Well, if I’m right, the best option is to talk to a lawyer, because why would you ever want to online like this? Good luck.
You blame yourself a lot in this post for things that aren’t your fault. He’s abusive to you. Eventually you’re going to need to cut him loose and let whatever happens, happen. He is uses the threat of hurting himself to control you. Also, are you certain he really is going to therapy? Regardless, you’ve seen that he’s not going to change. Any time you continue to spend with him is time you could be spending with somebody who will value you and treat you well.
My initial reaction reading this is that you are not ready for a relationship. I don't think your mature enough, quite frankly. A little selfish, even.
You are very focused on yourself; nothing wrong with that at your age. But a relationship requires sacrifice, time, and compromise. You can't just take breaks. It could be the right person, but if it's the wrong time it doesn't matter. There will be many “right people” in the future.
You need to be 100% in the relationship or not in it at all.
It's possible you are using the excuse of “exploring yourself” as a way to avoid intimacy with the perfect partner you describe. In which case you should separate and seek therapy for why you're using escapism to cope with the increase in intimacy.
I hope this helps.
Wow that is not normal.
Are there any other abnormal behaviours she displays?
It doesn’t matter if it’s her dad or stepdad or mom. Sleeping very hot with someone else besides your SO is wrong on so many levels. I can’t comprehend how she thinks this is normal behavior. That whole family dynamic is something I would personally run from. Can you imagine having kids with this woman? Her moral compass is missing a few directions
He just told you to be happy that he didn’t rape you, and that he could rape you if he wanted to. You need to end this relationship immediately and stay away from this man.
You need to tell your husband to pipe down. Yelling in your face? No I don’t think so—he needs to be put in his place tell him if he ever screams at you like that over something so-so LITTLE—trust further action needs to be taken—there’s no reason for him to be that way and show him this post so he can understand why nobody has a need for such an aggressive asshole ish husband.
Thank you for the reply. This is all very eye opening.
I don’t blame him in a way. I saw a box on the same aisle that allowed you to design a car and I contemplated the notion of becoming an engineer. I’m quite impulsive. He has my best interests at heart. I should have just gone back for the kit when he wasn’t there and surprised him with a performance. You’re right, if this is truly what I want nothing should stop me. I should use his tricks as motivation to learn my own!
Cause in the average case, men and women differ in how they speak, in what subreddits they participate in, what kind of comments they'll leave etc.. It's really easy to deduce what kind of person you're speaking to when you have an entire profile to go off.
So the bigger income earner has to subsidize the lower income earners lifestyle if they want to online based on their own means AND they have to do half the chores?
Is it more important to punish him for something he didn't know he did or is it more important to foster a healthy relationship dynamic, talk about the problem, and come to a mutually beneficial conclusion?
Yeah it would be on my name only, sorry if it wasn’t clear enough he would feel like that just because we’d online in it and I would be repaying it back slowly
It’s common internet slang and probably the smallest issue here.
Yeah, it would seem like kind of a normal question — like, hey, you often mention how people hit on you. It doesn't really bother me, but I wonder why you are doing that? Do you think I'll think you're hiding something from me if you don't say anything?
You can be pretty clear & non-confrontational in this conversation. If she shuts down, it may give you a better answer about her motives (ie, she's negging you).
My husband used to get immediately defensive anytime I’d try to talk to him about something like this. It always led to more issues because nothing could get talked about or resolved.
So cue the new method…. Anytime I tried talking to him about a problem I’d start the convo off by saying “if you start getting defensive this conversation is done” so he knew beforehand my boundaries. I’d start by describing the issue, he wasn’t allowed to interject, he had to listen and let me get all my thoughts out. Then it was his turn, if he said anything defensive the convo ended immediately by me getting up and walking away. When he felt like he could talk without being defensive we’d try again, sometimes that same day or sometimes days later. It was not easy sometimes. We figured out that my way of addressing the issue was, at times, accusatory and made him feel a certain way, so we worked on that, and even tho it took time his first reaction isn’t defensiveness anymore when we argue or I have to bring up an issue.
Jacking off to your friend’s social media is fucking weird and gross. I would not be able to see my husband as a viable sexual partner after that. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
You are doing nothing wrong. No one should treat you rudely or bad because of a difference of opinion. I suspect she wants to 'lock you down' so she can have a baby and perhaps financial security on her timeline. You learned about how she handles conflict OP. And it's not in a mature, respectful manner.
Echo this with one addition: join a parental support group and ask your general questions there rather than burdening him with having to educate you. He's your son, not your teacher.
Honestly, I’d leave. I get asking, and maybe even verifying. But harassing? Nope. He didn’t find love letters, or nudes, or a plot to ask are someone. He found a post it with two very innocuous words on it and he’s going this very hot? He’s broken. Throw him out.
not your responsibility to do that, you are not a therapist. even if you shower someone who is depressed/anxious/insecure they will still have poor self image, because to fix that they need to do the active work on themselves. you cant fix her for her even if you want to.
not your responsibility to do that, you are not a therapist. even if you shower someone who is depressed/anxious/insecure they will still have poor self image, because to fix that they need to do the active work on themselves. you cant fix her for her even if you want to.
I can't imagine anyone over 70 working in fast food in my country… only politicians, professors… Actors would work, definitely not people who need to work… Cause they would have a pension at that age.
Thanks for the offer, but no. I'm not triggered. I have a degree in psychology, way too many years in the mental health field and have seen too many similar situations for the OP's one sided post to pass the sniff test for me. I am very protective of kids and adults that has suffered trauma, abuse and neglect.
Normally, people on Reddit are a little more discerning than this. There are several people on here saying pretty much the same thing I am but I don't expect everyone to see the same things we do when we read her post.
No way this is real
Brother, this is game over. Now you get to show your kids the right way to respond to abuse from their partner: pack up & get yourself and the kids away from her as soon as possible. Keep records of everything and act as quickly as you can.
This is one of those moments you look back on later in life and go what the hell was I thinking
Hope it works out for you
I'm glad you've decided that for all 400m people in the US. Personally I'd have no interest in someone that young, in fact I attended a friends wedding when I was 35 and he had a group of cousins who were 20 and one of them sort of fixated on me (I'm very fit and typically am mistaken for roughly 10 years younger), but I just couldn't do it. It was like speaking to a child.
But it's not illegal. The reality is woman are at peak physical beautify for a relatively small number of years. All men are attracted to women in that peak window whether you like that reality or not.
I could never do that, It would be too emasculating.
I could never do that, It would be too emasculating.
This is so my husband!! He doesn't get visually excited or emotionally impacted (good or bad) by much (maybe even anything?). Yet– I will catch tears falling as hes watching a sad anime.
that’s not the case. she’s fixated on one person. but go ahead with your runaway slippery slope fallacy I guess bud
Back off and pay attention to your husband, dim-bo.
Dude, you’re going places, and not to be crude but she’s literally dead-weight.
You want a partner. Someone equally yoked. Maybe not as ambitious as you, but ambitious at all. Maybe not as fit as you, but willing to move at all.
Hurting someone you care about hurts. Its gonna hurt her way more if you move her all the way out to Cali and THEN break up when it becomes even more obvious that shit is never gonna change. Clean break now, move on, never look back.
Or enjoy being a father
Leave… he's not worth it & very insecure… if he can't see why he only cares about himself… not u at all… I'm sorry ?
Fr! Its crazy to me how many guys on here don't consider women cheating with women as “real” cheating. Do they think lesbians in relationships for years and years are just experimenting?