If you really don’t agree with it, then don’t do it. Don’t lead him along. That’s not fair to him. But as far as him being the best boyfriend you ever had? You got together when you were 18? So, how do you even know? You’re both still very young.
My first move would be to make an appointment with your doctor for testing. Beyond that, I’m sure others will be able to suggest a good plan of action. You seem to have good instincts, so I would take them seriously.
I'd start to give up on him. There is very little you can do to help him mentally and you have continually put yourself out there for this relationship. I would not actively text him, allow him to contact you. If he does great maybe he needed the space if he doesn't you don't have to regret spending so much emotions on him. With the amount you are seeing each other two months is more than enough time to establish if this is a relationship or it was just a fantasy.
This sounds like my ex. I never got closure and that shit eat me alive. He even talked about marrying me then one day was like ahhh my anxiety/commitments and that was it? I just had to accept it and that took a year at least to get over.
Put a period, let her go. You’ve made a one-off mistake which is now in the past, but she’s seen a side of you that she didn’t want to see. You can’t take that back.
It’s very similar to if you took drugs or alcohol and acted out, ultimately causing your relationship to break down. It doesn’t help to say it was the chemicals that caused the behaviour. You were the person who chose to take those substances.
So abide by her decision, learn from what’s happened, and allow yourself to recover from this relationship. You will move forward and be happy again-and your experience will help you to mature.
But, why? What are the reasons and qualities? And what can redeem the fact he wouldn’t be there for you if something serious happened? That he finds you useless if you can’t feed his fun as a game partner? Is he just really good in bed or something?
Started dating the “don't sorry about them” friend IMMEDIATELY after ending your relationship (he cheated on you, if not physically then definitely emotionally)
Started hitting you up again when she dumped him.
You were second choice to her, and now that she's got rid of him he's coming back to you.
And you're not only talking with him, but you're letting him try and remind you of the good stuff while completely ignoring how he actually treated you…
Has your spine been replaced by a wacky inflatable waving arms balloon man?
My advice is to ask someone IRL to slap you once very naked, nobody on reddit can do that for you
How is your relationship with your family? I think you should end this relationship but if you don’t process it properly you’ll date this guy all over again but with a different face. Take a deep dive into emotional abuse. Learn the tactics. Learn how it keeps you second guessing yourself.
Nothing about the parents is clear to me here – OP mentions them in the subject but then specifies (27F) so I think he meant “partner”?? No clue what the mention of the parents is about but I agree that OP should reach out to his parents for support in getting custody of his child and raising her with their help.
I mean, I (and anyone else) don’t really know the dynamic of your relationship. It became more of a need for details when you said she’s free to do lots of things sexually, because that context is important. To me, that reads as though you’re essentially in an open relationship. Just need more clarity on that.
Either way, I want to look at this from both perspectives and opine accordingly. If you’re in a completely monogamous relationship, I don’t know if I’d necessarily define the action as cheating, but that’s nothing more than my opinion. Like I said in my first comment, it’s objectively inappropriate, so whether it’s “cheating” or not is just semantics.
I’d honestly love to know how the situation even happened. Why was she in nothing but panties? Why was she dancing with them? Why were they groping her? To be honest, the craziest thing here that you sort of glossed over is the fact that these two guys are people you said were your friends. Let’s ignore your feelings about her for a second; you good with your friends groping your girlfriend? You made no comment on your feelings towards them. That honestly to me is more problematic. I digress.
Let’s say you’re in an open relationship. Unless you communicated this boundary, maybe she thought she was acting perfectly fine given the nature of your relationship. To come back to your friends, did they think it was fine too?
You’ll have to clarify all of this, because I want to make sure I’m providing correct advice. As for “consequences,” that would logically be ending the relationship. Why? Because if this was truly an act that she knew was inappropriate, then not breaking up with her just tells her that she can cross boundaries whenever she wants, because she knows you’ll never do anything about it.
The worst part though is that she’s making you out to be in the wrong, which means she thinks she’s done nothing wrong (and maybe that’s the truth based on how you respond to my questions). You need to decide if she’s done something wrong based on your personal boundaries which ideally you’ve discussed. If she has, then don’t let her gaslight you.
On another note, alcohol is never an excuse. Don’t ever allow it to be used as one.
I have before, but he gets irritated when I tell him about it especially about his mom. I don’t know how to get through it aside from escaping for a few hours.
Sounds like you’re the gold digger here. She paid your $200 tow. You didn’t pay her back and instead only did so when she had her own $200 tow. And she pays for you on dates. The fact she’s noted it on your contacts sounds like a note to herself that you’re not an equal in this relationship.
I saw your update that you sent a voice note. I hope you haven't tipped your hand.
I really hope you are able to have a personal discussion and hear him out – this way you can read body language and be very careful to listen to his words. It will be difficult to remain calm and balanced, but you have to keep an award winning act of observing.
Have a quick search on the intrawebz for Dr S Glass pinnacle publication titled “Not Just Friends”. I wonder if there are behaviours and habits you will recognize in uour past?
Lies of Omission is a very dangerous precursor to a sinking marriage OP. You mentioned that you thought everything was fine in your marriage and your stomach is giving you a clear signal. I would also think about his free time (you mentioned 'gigs' ) that he goes with friends. You are his life partner and someone he promised to put above all. If you discover your SO is putting others ahead of you..well..
How about you leave him alone and stop minding his business about this whole subject? You have so much addiction in your family you are putting rules in all the wrong places. You will drive people away w this behavior. Go seek therapy
She deserves to know, he completely betrayed her. You arent the one damaging the friend group, he did that when he hit on your wife. Also, the high on hallucinogens and just touched each others legs a lot sounds like nonsense to me.
She's already cheating. You can wait until you find some proof, but what's the point. In the meantime get your ducks in a row and be prepared for the moment you find out for sure. Sorry to be blunt.
Don’t screw the crew.
We have been married 11 years now. So yes.
Has it been determined through a DNA test that the baby is your boyfriends?
If you really don’t agree with it, then don’t do it. Don’t lead him along. That’s not fair to him. But as far as him being the best boyfriend you ever had? You got together when you were 18? So, how do you even know? You’re both still very young.
My first move would be to make an appointment with your doctor for testing. Beyond that, I’m sure others will be able to suggest a good plan of action. You seem to have good instincts, so I would take them seriously.
I'd start to give up on him. There is very little you can do to help him mentally and you have continually put yourself out there for this relationship. I would not actively text him, allow him to contact you. If he does great maybe he needed the space if he doesn't you don't have to regret spending so much emotions on him. With the amount you are seeing each other two months is more than enough time to establish if this is a relationship or it was just a fantasy.
Boyfriend used confusion: It’s highly effective!
His health.
He’s probably in much worse condition than he’s told you.
You commented his health history is an irregular heartbeat and medication controlled blood pressure issues…
Neither of these things suddenly put you in the hospital for weeks at a time.
What would force him to suddenly propose the second he is discharged from a long hospital stay?!
He didn’t expect to survive it.
This sounds like my ex. I never got closure and that shit eat me alive. He even talked about marrying me then one day was like ahhh my anxiety/commitments and that was it? I just had to accept it and that took a year at least to get over.
You got what you deserved. You don’t deserve to marry someone that you can’t respect enough to honor a boundary.
Put a period, let her go. You’ve made a one-off mistake which is now in the past, but she’s seen a side of you that she didn’t want to see. You can’t take that back.
It’s very similar to if you took drugs or alcohol and acted out, ultimately causing your relationship to break down. It doesn’t help to say it was the chemicals that caused the behaviour. You were the person who chose to take those substances.
So abide by her decision, learn from what’s happened, and allow yourself to recover from this relationship. You will move forward and be happy again-and your experience will help you to mature.
But, why? What are the reasons and qualities? And what can redeem the fact he wouldn’t be there for you if something serious happened? That he finds you useless if you can’t feed his fun as a game partner? Is he just really good in bed or something?
How does a 28 year old need to ask this question?
Started dating the “don't sorry about them” friend IMMEDIATELY after ending your relationship (he cheated on you, if not physically then definitely emotionally)
Started hitting you up again when she dumped him.
You were second choice to her, and now that she's got rid of him he's coming back to you.
And you're not only talking with him, but you're letting him try and remind you of the good stuff while completely ignoring how he actually treated you…
Has your spine been replaced by a wacky inflatable waving arms balloon man?
My advice is to ask someone IRL to slap you once very naked, nobody on reddit can do that for you
You stay and you have your own self to blame.
How is your relationship with your family? I think you should end this relationship but if you don’t process it properly you’ll date this guy all over again but with a different face. Take a deep dive into emotional abuse. Learn the tactics. Learn how it keeps you second guessing yourself.
Nothing about the parents is clear to me here – OP mentions them in the subject but then specifies (27F) so I think he meant “partner”?? No clue what the mention of the parents is about but I agree that OP should reach out to his parents for support in getting custody of his child and raising her with their help.
I never fucked anyone else. That's the point
This was a really gross creative writing story.
I mean, I (and anyone else) don’t really know the dynamic of your relationship. It became more of a need for details when you said she’s free to do lots of things sexually, because that context is important. To me, that reads as though you’re essentially in an open relationship. Just need more clarity on that.
Either way, I want to look at this from both perspectives and opine accordingly. If you’re in a completely monogamous relationship, I don’t know if I’d necessarily define the action as cheating, but that’s nothing more than my opinion. Like I said in my first comment, it’s objectively inappropriate, so whether it’s “cheating” or not is just semantics.
I’d honestly love to know how the situation even happened. Why was she in nothing but panties? Why was she dancing with them? Why were they groping her? To be honest, the craziest thing here that you sort of glossed over is the fact that these two guys are people you said were your friends. Let’s ignore your feelings about her for a second; you good with your friends groping your girlfriend? You made no comment on your feelings towards them. That honestly to me is more problematic. I digress.
Let’s say you’re in an open relationship. Unless you communicated this boundary, maybe she thought she was acting perfectly fine given the nature of your relationship. To come back to your friends, did they think it was fine too?
You’ll have to clarify all of this, because I want to make sure I’m providing correct advice. As for “consequences,” that would logically be ending the relationship. Why? Because if this was truly an act that she knew was inappropriate, then not breaking up with her just tells her that she can cross boundaries whenever she wants, because she knows you’ll never do anything about it.
The worst part though is that she’s making you out to be in the wrong, which means she thinks she’s done nothing wrong (and maybe that’s the truth based on how you respond to my questions). You need to decide if she’s done something wrong based on your personal boundaries which ideally you’ve discussed. If she has, then don’t let her gaslight you.
On another note, alcohol is never an excuse. Don’t ever allow it to be used as one.
Sure, rehomed, fine. But most people are cruel and just dump them to shelter. Thats inexcusable.
Are you ok with her keeping something like this from you? And also LOL this story:
she had an overly close male friend I stated was after her. She denied he was interested in her.
I have before, but he gets irritated when I tell him about it especially about his mom. I don’t know how to get through it aside from escaping for a few hours.
End it. He needs therapy, not an enabler.
Girl he wants a mom. And a bangmaid. And a therapist. He’s not a good partner, and quite frankly, he sounds like a loser.
You put it rather succinctly
He’s not a traditional man so why does he want (or think he can have) a traditional woman?
This red pill stuff has messed up a generation of guys
Sounds like you’re the gold digger here. She paid your $200 tow. You didn’t pay her back and instead only did so when she had her own $200 tow. And she pays for you on dates. The fact she’s noted it on your contacts sounds like a note to herself that you’re not an equal in this relationship.
Are you ready to be the next girl he plays? That’s how you get over him lol.
I saw your update that you sent a voice note. I hope you haven't tipped your hand.
I really hope you are able to have a personal discussion and hear him out – this way you can read body language and be very careful to listen to his words. It will be difficult to remain calm and balanced, but you have to keep an award winning act of observing.
Have a quick search on the intrawebz for Dr S Glass pinnacle publication titled “Not Just Friends”. I wonder if there are behaviours and habits you will recognize in uour past?
Lies of Omission is a very dangerous precursor to a sinking marriage OP. You mentioned that you thought everything was fine in your marriage and your stomach is giving you a clear signal. I would also think about his free time (you mentioned 'gigs' ) that he goes with friends. You are his life partner and someone he promised to put above all. If you discover your SO is putting others ahead of you..well..
How about you leave him alone and stop minding his business about this whole subject? You have so much addiction in your family you are putting rules in all the wrong places. You will drive people away w this behavior. Go seek therapy
She deserves to know, he completely betrayed her. You arent the one damaging the friend group, he did that when he hit on your wife. Also, the high on hallucinogens and just touched each others legs a lot sounds like nonsense to me.
She's already cheating. You can wait until you find some proof, but what's the point. In the meantime get your ducks in a row and be prepared for the moment you find out for sure. Sorry to be blunt.
This could just be a karma farm post. Judging from account history.