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Husband had an affair 3 years into our marriage. He saw her continuously and lied to me about the nature of their relationship. “Friends” he would say then “business partners”. I found out then he “stopped seeing her” two different times. Idk why I keep taking it. Anyways it’s over “for good” about two months ago with other woman. Fast forward to today I see a video of him playing in a sports league. In the background? Her. Same day he gets new shoes and a watch band. Says he “got it from Kohls” but immediately throws away the box it came in, in the garbage outside.I looked because it was suspicious.It’s a crappy non name brand “fashion shoes” on the box. i immediately find the shoes on shein. Confront him about the lie he deflects and says he can be mad at me for so much. Says I saw her on the video next to his stuff. He Lies AGAIN. Says it’s not her. I’m like dude I know this girl (who btw knows he’s married and likes sneaking around) went to your game and gave you some cheap shoes and he just flounders and doesn’t say shit. It’s so frustrating just admit to the shit already! Says I’m crazy for looking in the trash after he acted the way he did it’s nuts am I being gaslighted? How do I get him to admit?
submitted by /u/throwra6546
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If he marries her he needs an ironclad pre-nup, because they are going to be divorced before he's done with fellowship
I do not recommend ghosting, since it will make life drama hell for your mutual friends.
You don't have to confront him or talk to him IRL. Send a text telling him what you saw and that it's over. Block his number. Tell your mutual friends what happened immediately, so he can't spin something. Ask to see your friends asap for support.
OP said they both have stressful jobs & have been going through family drama. I feel like part of this situation is just how much pressure they’re both under. OP is fully within her rights to be upset about his lack of up keeping household tasks on his own & to feel neglected in their relationship. But for a random stranger to say that he doesn’t think of her as an equal & insinuate that it’s simply because he’s older than her? Is a stretch.
People deal with stress in different ways. Maybe OP’s bf is an avoidant type. Again, that doesn’t make the situation fair, but it could be part of the complexity of it. It sounds to me like they need to talk more often & maybe more effectively about what they each want & need from one another. Clearly her going to him in tears in the middle of the night was a last resort. But was it also the first attempt to actually talk about it, instead of assuming that everything would continue as routine even with all the extra stress? If your communication is in a healthy state, it shouldn’t really get to this point. And I say that as someone who is still struggling with this specific sort of problem themself. I think both OP & her bf deserve a little grace during such a rough time. Mostly from one another.
No, leaving him would be a good thing to do for you. You are most important here. You are not obligated to look after him or feel guilty about leaving because of his mental health, because it's HIS mental health and not your responsibility unless you choose to make it your responsibility.
? I would divorce someone with this fetish, too. Good for your wife.