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Tldr; My brother in law kissed me while my husband was away and I don’t know what to do?
My husband and me have been married for 2 years and I’m a stay at home mum. We have a little boy and another on the way so we have a cute little family.
My BIL (also married) came over. He comes over quite a bit but this time my husband wasn’t here. We sat down and chatted while eating some brownies that I’d made earlier and he was just complaining to me about his wife and I was giving him emotional support. Then he started comparing me to her saying I was a good wife and better than her. I just thanked him and told him he was kind.
Then he leaned over and kissed me. I didn’t kiss back because I was in shock. He kissed me for a few seconds before I think he realised I was uncomfortable and he pulled away. He apologised and left pretty soon after.
I don’t know if I should do anything about this. Should I follow him up about it and say something else or tell my husband. Or should I just leave it because my husband and him have a good relationship I don’t want to ruin or start any drama over a little kiss. I don’t know.
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Yeah I agree. I always drive myself on the first few dates and always make sure I have enough money to pay just in case. Safety first! Lol thank you for your advice.
Does your fiancée have social anxiety. I have heard a lot of people with this condition hate the thought of being the centre of attention at a large gathering. If this is the case, she may need therapeutic help to cope with day, but it still doesn’t make it right for you to disinvite your loved ones. She may need extra support to manage the day, but If she is ultimately unwilling to be considerate of your needs, and is unable to be inclusive, she may not be a good match for you.
43m here. Got divorced at 40, went through a whole bunch of hookups in a very short six month period after the divorce. Like non stop….there werent smart phones the last time I was single and so I went a bit overboard with tinder and such.
I lived alone and brought one of my first hookups home and it was super weird after cause she kept dropping by days and weeks after and was sending presents to my house and shit.
For me, i realized actual hookups…..like intentional one night stands where one time sex was the point, were best done in hotel rooms. If I went on a few dates and was able to get a sense of liking said girl or not for real, then I'd invite over.
This isn't practical though if money is tight so might not be for everyone.
Wait so he doesn’t wanna pay for you because he’s saving up for a car and you can’t pay because you’re financially struggling. Meaning.. he’d rather pay for a car than for you to eat..? Idk how there could be any other argument besides wtf
OP please please look at this response. This is absolutely the way to do it. Like other users have shared, I also get depressed and I also have a very naked time accepting criticism. But if my partner said what u/miranails has said, I wouldn’t feel attacked, but rather cared for. Emphasizing that you love her, her body, and the way that she tastes, to reassure her that she is what you crave, is really the most key thing when talking about something that would usually be embarrassing
It depends. Are you always giving him money or are things pretty equal? If you’re always giving him money and he always keeps the change that would feel off. If your relationship is pretty equal than I don’t see why it would matter
How does someone first marry a person that won’t have sex with them and then stay with them for 6 years? 6 years married and never had sex. This makes no sense to me.
Buy he's not going to jail for 15 years
I didnt say he would. In fact i agree with you that he is unlikely to be convicted but that his life can still be ruined just by the accusation without truth in it.
What's the use of scare mongering the poor dude?
Because he should be scared. His life can literally be destroyed here.
No you are not. You are building up a problem in your head. You both just need to blow off steam at the gym and go on a date night.
Who do you love more?. You wife or your cheater friend?
I haven’t even finished reading but if this is how she is why the fuck are you with this person?
What does “no alchemy” mean?
You had me at “cheats on me with other people” at point #2. Yes, it counts if they have the same genitalia. Good for you, run far far away.
That's NOT self defence. If I knock you out or push you and immobilize you the threat has been nuteuralized. If I go and whisper that superiority shit and proceed to snap your leg that is now assault.
The scope of the self defence also has to match the threat. Somebody can't slap you and than 5 minutes later you have a word with them and shoot them in the head.
You need some counseling and Al non. It’s like the flight attendants say put your oxygen mask on first then your child. You could burn out and not be able to help them.
Not OP, but your comment really resonated with me. I’m male, have a great relationship with family and my girlfriend, but I’ve never really had many close friends. I know of no one who dislikes me; through several jobs, every single coworker has liked me. People like to come talk to me, everyone says I’m great at my job etc. Despite that, I basically have one close friend, and he now lives states away. I’m not a partier, but if I’m in a social situation, I always have people who I know to talk to…but I also don’t get invited to many things (to be fair, I don’t usually want to go…I’d rather chill at home). I do not struggle at all with basic social interactions, but the part about not being able to take a friendship a step further fits me perfectly, and I’ve never seen it worded quite that way before.
I’ve also wondered whether I’m slightly (and if I am, it’s definitely very slightly) on the spectrum, and my closest friend has mentioned that before too (mostly as a joke, he shares the same mannerisms as me).
I guess I’m fine with all of this, considering I don’t really like going to social events anyway, I just think it’s weird. It’s never bothered me to not have many close friends despite being well liked, but I think you’re exactly right about the why. Sort of the “popular loner” stereotype.
Is he in therapy and working on his anger management and depression? If he’s not, then he’s gonna continue to use you as a punching bag. He does not love you nor is “genuinely” sorry if he continues to emotionally abuse you.
You’re 19 years, just started your adult life…you still have the “teen” in your age. You’re too young to be “stuck” in an abusive relationship.
Ask yourself is this is someone you want to on-line with for the rest of your life where you’re belittle, emotionally abused. If he’s not willing to change, it’ll get worst…not better.
Cut your loss and break up with him. You just wasted 3 years, don’t makes it 5 or 10 years.
Age gaps aren’t always dangerous, you just need to be on the lookout for red flags just like in any other relationship.
You also should check and see what the age gap is between him and his last partner, is dating younger women a habit?
Well just out of curiosity, if there was no infidelity is there a good reason he wouldn't have stayed with his ex?
So if you didn't think private dances constituted as cheating, why didn't you tell your wife about them? Your omissions are lies.
sounds like that person should never be invited to game night anymore.
I disagree. She’s already caretaker for her disabled husband and she knows she’s going to have to look after his son as well and she’s done.
She doesn’t have to give reasons – the reasons are already very obvious. She’s done. She’s not paying for a child that’s not hers – she doesn’t want the drama of the birth mother – she has had enough of caring for her disabled husband. It doesn’t make her a piece of shit.
No it isn't. It is about control. He targeted you while you were vulnerable and made himself irreplaceable. All while love bombing you. Things were going okay until you decided to start a consistent activity that is out of his control. In art class you will meet people who will point out that he is controlling and abusive. He doesn't want you to come to your senses. Also go to your bank and change everything. If you don't on-line with him change your locks
Are you talking about lube?
She never slept with him
Don't even worry. Take a look at his post history. One of those “men are best, I deserve quality women” type of guys.
I'm happy his 'date' got out when she did. Hope this guy sorts his stuff out. 34 is too old to be a teenager.
Nope. You aren’t a bad person. But. If you had any notion of getting back together, which sounds like a terrible idea, you did blow that up.
The stuff about taking criticism so harshly does sound like rejection sensitivity disorder which is a thing ADHD folks can have.
Unfortunately, it's not worth wasting your time trying to figure out how it happened; it's happening. Sometimes you work late, he cleans, but gives you shit for it. He says it bothers him that he comes home from work and the chores aren't done. He's literally ignoring the fact that he's come home from work and you're still working. You say that you let him know that you didn't have time to clean; have you let him know that you're literally still fucking working?
Either way, you two discussed this and came to an agreement as far as you know. It's not happening, and he's talking down to you.
It's not “like” those expectations have changed; they've changed. He's explicitly told you as much. Maybe he does in fact expect you to be a 1950s housewife (which logically you're not since you work).
You need to stand up for yourself. You don't guess. You tell him how you feel and you stand firm. You don't need to waste time trying to figure out how it happened; it has happened. The good news is that you're not yet in a legal relationship. So if there's any advice I can give you it's to understand that the relationship you have now is the relationship you have when you make it legal. If you're not good with the current situation, don't just assume all will be good because you got married. Get yourself into the position you want to be in first. If it doesn't happen, then it's time to make the naked decision.
I would divorce, and go see a counselor…This is beyond disgusting. Go to an attorney, and get a divorce. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is rape, and I would go an attorney, then the police. Please let us know you are ok.
the only reasons you should be showering before bed is if you enjoy it, if you genuinely stink, or if you don’t like showering in the morning. That’s really it.
Oh my god…..you sound like my younger self. My SO is the youngest of three, and we support his extended family….they got comfortable being subsidized. We have no life because we support them. It only gets worse.
What the fuckkkkk dude. Should you be more respectful of their boundaries and not go out with your friends?? Sorry not sorry this is going to be harsh, but where is your fucking spine?! She assaulted you in public after a breakup, humiliating you in front of people aka witnesses. Contact the cops and start reclaiming your life. Being a doormat is no way to live!.
You can do this. Hang in there.
Thank you. I hadn’t thought about seeking legal support, & I’m going to look into it. Oof, the truth hurts. I appreciate your honesty & advice. It’s things I needed to hear.
Here's my opinion on that. It doesn't sound to me like you are being what I would call controlling. You're not trying to tell her she can't go. You're just expressing your concerns, which I think are valid. Lots of things happen at those kind of parties and alcohol often allows things to happen that wouldn't otherwise. Even if she doesn't plan to do anything inappropriate, alcohol changes one's thought processes and ability to make good decisions. And even if she's making good decisions, drunk horny guys might not respect boundaries and things could happen even if she doesn't agree to them.
My concern here is that she seems to not be respecting your concerns and is just dismissing them which I think is a problem in relationships. What should be happening is that the two of you work together to try to find a mutually agreeable solution, but it sounds like she's basically saying “I don't care what you think about this or how it makes you feel, I'm going to do it because I want to.” That IMO is not a good attitude to take while in a relationship.
It sounds like things are pretty good between you otherwise, so that would make it difficult to leave, but if it's causing you significant distress (and it sounds like it is) you might have to think about whether it's worth it and whether you think she's adequately considering your concerns when she chooses what to do.
This seems to be a significant incompatibility. Perhaps she'd be better with someone that doesn't mind her doing that kind of thing and perhaps you'd be better with someone that doesn't want to or at least respects your feeling about it and accommodates them in some way that you both find acceptable.
Not so exclusive? They were dating. Sure it was the start of their dating, but nothing in that says “not so exclusive.” Let's not make excuses
You’re welcome! If convenient let me know how it turns out for you :))
Ask you wife OP what would she think if you were to suddenly have a co-worker who:
paid lots of attention to you brought you perfume you buy her a beautiful romantic novel full of steamy sex and then asked that same co-worker for a drink after work?
If it sits well with her then she will probably think, lets have an open relationship.
With two kids in tow, it will not end well unfortunately. Set boundaries and expectations and let her know that you are not happy. If you are ignored, then there are issues within your marriage that maybe couples counselling would help.
Good luck bro.