My dream partner (33M) suggested the idea of putting my (28F) child up for adoption

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I met my dream partner almost 10 months ago, and I know in my heart that I am deeply in love with him. He has everything that I have ever dreamed of having in a life partner, we have amazing chemistry, he’s incredibly reliable, and he’s financially stable. Not to mention my 3-year-old daughter has become really attached to him, but he has now just thrown her love in hers and mine's face.

Recently, I noticed that he was acting distant from me. He’s a great communicator and so when I asked him if we could have a conversation and touch base with how we are both feeling, he agreed to have a conversation. I never thought that I would regret asking him to communicate with me, because it now feels like my life is going to end. Basically, he told me that he loves me, but he doesn’t want to “commit and start a life with someone who is broken” which when I asked to him to elaborate on “broken” he explained that my kid was born out of wedlock, I have little to no communication with her father, and that it’s a “mess” that he “doesn’t deserve to deal with”. Unless I allow my sister or a close family member who I trust to adopt my daughter, so that I can still see her, just not daily.

He also told me that if I didn’t have a kid that he would commit and start a life with me. I feel as if I am in emotional shock right now, almost like someone who I really loved died. My daughter is innocent and didn’t do anything wrong, she also has become really attached to him and the fact that he just wants to get rid of her is shocking, indicating that he couldn’t care less about her. I still have hope that I can possibly convince him to accept my daughter and continue his life with me, but right now I’m stuck between a rock and a nude place.

I don’t even know where to begin, what is the first thing that I need to do?

Edit:

Getting rid of my daughter is obviously never going to happen, I might have worded it wrong. I am just contemplating if it's possible to get him to drop his idea of adoption and sooner or later accept my daughter, even though it's not ideal for him.

submitted by /u/ThrowRA_adoption
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Date: July 7, 2023

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