My (M38) partner (F32) has been having an affair for the past 3 months with a work colleague (M30) who appears to also be in a committed relationship.

Both me and my partner work remotely on different mine sites across Australia, and have done the entire relationship. We live! in my house, she pays occasional rent. She has done most of the furnishings over time from second hand markets and on-line.

Early in the year we went through a short period of significant increase in her sexual appetite, which she put down to being happy at work for the first time in ages. Sadly I had some mental health issues around work and a death in the family, which meant I couldn't always reciprocate. I did however try to make sure her needs were met.

Then suddenly I start getting the cold shoulder after a bad night where I didn't even have the stamina to eat her out, (which is one of my favourite things) for a few weeks followed by the last three weeks of almost active hostility. She has also recently had clear genital health issues but avoids any conversations around how she is and if anything is wrong, when there clearly is something wrong. Mostly based on the fact I noticed several hours of googling about Herpes on a recent road trip and walking like in significant pain.

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Roll forward a couple weeks of ongoing quiet hostility, as in no response or short response to daily check in messages. This weekend culminated in lack of eye contact and multiple doctor visits on Monday.

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Not gonna lie, felt like something is up. So during the week, the next time she left her phone unattended, I broke a cardinal rule and breached the trust of our relationship and had a look on her phone (the only time I've done it). Well turns out there are nightly shenanigans for several months, when we are away for work . This more recently culminating in a carpet burns from the vigorous sex, turns out Herpes was a false call, as was the pregnancy scare. She has admitted to him she has grown attached. Both are STI clear which is a relief.

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Simple to this point, for a soap opera, but how do I confront without letting know that I know. I just want it done and her out of my house.

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Update towards end of the week. Mutal friends have implied that she wants out, but wants to make sure it is all amicable for the sake of the tight nit friendship group, and she is worried she will 'break me' which amuses me as that ship has sailed!

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And then yesterday I've seen, over her shoulder, lots of Facebook searches for houseshare or room rentals. Do I take the easy route and let her move out on her own accord and it appears that he has ended it with her. She is devastated

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We will be apart for work for the next 9 days, so I think my brain will process and deal with it.

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Basically, should I confront her, or start the conversation so she can end it? Or light a fire and watch the world burn?