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Talk to the gay manager. Wasnt there a 3rd person?
I thought then time line was… drinking with gay coworker.
Went to apartment with gay coworker at 130am.
2 more joined them at 230am.
Your family is NOT YOURS to lose.
You out-grow their place in your Life just like everybody else does.
Thats how it works. Your parents teach you survival skills augmented
with, say, formal education. When you hit a particular age….
….may it please God…..you launch out into society ….say during your
20-s usually…. and begin to discern a place.
If you are about 30-32 you are right where you need to be to start
identifying goals, methodologies, applications, outcomes and assessments
and almost NONE of this has a fucking thing to do with your family.
They are in your Rear-view mirror and trying to continue to use them
as a function of your development is actually counter-productive as
a grown Eagle sitting in the nest waiting for the parents to feed him.
Now…get out there and make something of yourself.
If some of your experience is as a recovering SA, you probably have
quite a bit to offer in the MH field. Just sayin….
You could always anonymously check out the house if u saved it and see who lives there and if you get a reaction from them I wouldn't purposely come at them but maybe act like a salesmen or something
I’m leaning towards the sciatica control tactic…
Well, that's kind of appalling that her father would say that about her. It probably reflects a bit of anxiety. I think since it's her car and she may want to use it herself, it's only courtesy to give her a ballpark estimate of when it (and you) will be back. Save the idk's for times when you really can't estimate a return time.
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Oh, no this was all a few years ago. I'm 20.
Do you eat healthy and are you physically active? Ask him to join you in that lifestyle. If you aren’t, then suggest you both start together. Focus on the being healthy part. If you bring up losing attraction, that’ll likely put him in a bad spot mentally.
So you have no self control and a complete disregard for morals, empathy, and basic loyalty and respect?
Got it.
Tell him the truth.
I do think it’s worth just even casually communicating that I’d like to take it slow/that’s it’s been a wee while. But I totally see your point, I just don’t want it to feel like an “elephant in the room” topic
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Things become very different when you share expenses with others and have people dependent on you for their survival. They have children. She is right to be suspicious of larger purchases he refuses to explain.
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Because my wife is a bit on edge these days and not thinking straight.
Wh… what?
HAHAHAHAHA
100%. If someone threatens you with divorce, you should divorce them. There’s only two possibilities: either they really do want a divorce, or you’re married to the sort of person who will threaten blowing up your marriage when they’re upset. Either way you shouldn’t stay married to them.
Oh man your bf is 110% T W A T
She disrespected you. It's over!
Looks like a great place to go for a vacation with friends. If your GF is true it doesn’t matter who hits on her. Guys could be hitting on her anywhere at any time.
Yeah I suggested therapy but she says she doesn’t want to go
Yes it is. Find a lawyer and let the lawyer deal with the law.
So let me get this straight you made a mistake and you had a fight about it , he then told you to leave him alone so you followed him and kept up talking to him?
You didn't give us any information about past fights or how you two are as people. But just this little of information shows me that you don't seem to care about how your husband thinks.
And you guess that maybe its not just the exs wife family why the kids want to stay away? Take off the pink glasses and start looking at things for real. Do just that quietly make an exit plan but do it ASAP this is not going to get easier as time goes by.
if YOU care about the weight gain, then please still take the meds and just try to eat healthier and incorporate more activity into your day (which produces serotonin to double win!) if YOU dont care about the weight gain, then dump this man bc he obviously doesnt value you as a person
She sounds horrid.
Im sorry.
I wouldn't go back either.
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Info: have her reactions to you in previous situations also been violent/forceful enough to bruise you, or is this the first time it has been this bad?
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Your marriage is over. Your husband is a piece of shit and is trying to move onto another relationship before he ends the one with you. You need to stop trying to salvage this and realize that it’s not this woman’s fault. Get divorced and find new happiness.
Fuck dude. I’m so sorry.
I was in a somewhat similar situation. I was in a long term relationship (5 years) and my bf started getting realllyyy close to a female coworker. It raised so many flags to me, but I convinced myself I was just being jealous. We had a party at our house one night and he invited her. He spent the entire night with her and not a minute with me. My friends AND his friends were commenting about it (I went through his phone and saw his friends calling him out for it the next day). Long story short, we ended up breaking up because of his “friendship” with this girl that he wasn’t willing to let go. I believe he tried to pursue a relationship with her at that point and didn’t get anywhere and came back to me. I stupidly took him back. Guess what? It happened AGAIN a few years later with someone else. I finally ended it last year (after 8 years of being together) and I can honestly tell you I have never been happier.
Please learn from my mistake. Do not let this man con you into letting him stay. He had every intention of physically cheating on you and IS emotionally cheating on you. This is not okay. You do not deserve this kind of treatment. If you stay with him, this will ALWAYS be in the back of your mind every time he works late. Every time he puts his phone down a little too quick. Every random smile he makes.
He admitted everything. There is no coming back from this. Please lawyer up.
I’m so sorry and good luck ❤️
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Replied to another comment then copied/pasted it to my original thread since multiple people were asking.
Should I leave him.
Maybe. I read your post kind of fast, but it seems that you're making a case for moving on, and that's probably what you should do.
But there's also something bittersweet here, where he's probably a better person now – after knowing you for 6 years. And in some odd way, maybe the experience of knowing him will somehow help you find, and keep, a relationship that will work better for you.
If you break up now, do you think he can be a friend sometime in the future?
Sorry this is happening, I wanted to ask – does she do other things when she gets this way, or does she just sort of go catatonic? If the later, this may be her having a panic attack and therapy/medication could help. Is she explicitly telling you that if you go away then you're abandoning her, or is that just your feeling about the situation? If the former, then that's sort of a manipulative way to behave, but if the latter, I think it's important to remind yourself that her episodes aren't your fault. You can remind her that you love her and that she's safe, and let her know that you are nearby if she needs you. Either way, you need to have an honest conversation about what girlfriend expects when she has these episodes and what you're comfortavle with doing.
This is such a sad situation for you. How is your relationship with his father? Can you communicate with him about how the dogs are doing? If so, block the ex, work on going back to where you have friends and family. I know this is really naked to hear, but you need to let the dogs go.
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Sto
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Maybe she was already talking to her new match at that point? A lot of people fall off the radar when they find another person.
It's truly sucky, although you can't really force a person to behave in a positive or honorable way.
OP is becoming a POS with every text she sends..
It doesn’t matter why he’s doing this. But it’s not because you’re so great, he’s done this before and he’ll do it again (I’m glad you seem to realize this). Maybe his wife is abusive? Maybe he’s just an asshole? You’ll never know. It’s not important. Move on.
It’s not her husband. She is currently getting a divorce from her husband and is seeing L.
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Don’t be clingy. Send her a cute good night and good morning gif. Other than that, do not text her unless you’re responding to her texts. Don’t ask questions that require a response. You’re probably stressing her out with your anxiety. She’s a teenager. It’s not her job to alleviate your anxiety while she’s on vacation with her family.
Idk I was hoping someone would say something about this is how guys for xyz reasons sigh. I can’t understand him.
Drop this guy like a naked potato. What a friggin' waste of your time.
Just another age gap rage bait troll post.
You sound insufferable. You're calling him a monster and giving no solid proof he's been a terrible person. It sounds like the children would be better off without you and your drama.
If this is fake, good job stirring shit up. If not, you DEFINITELY need therapy otherwise you're gonna screw up your kids.
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Literally one of the scariest thing about dating a guy. Come home and boom a baby…Your gf walks around with a halo!
1) Respect your girlfriends boundaries. She doesn't want to go, don't force her. She's set boundaries.
2) Time to find out why your girlfriend isn't keen on your mother. Has mom perhaps said something to girlfriend that hurt her and has now stuck with her? Has your girlfriend said something to offend your mom and then never apologised?
Granted, I'm not keen on spending time with people, and 31 isn't a round, celebratory number so I'm less interested in celebrating that instead of 30 or 35. Milestone numbers yknow?
Anyways, sometimes it's because something bad happened. Other times, it's just a case of I want to be alone because it's nicer this way. I barely speak or see my partners mum and we've been together 10 years. Why? Because I felt pushed aside when we were at his uni graduation. We'd been together a few years at that point and I wasn't allowed in any of the pictures. I couldn't even get a photo of just us. He invited me, but none of his family wanted me there and made me feel and see that unwantedness.
Though now his mum wants to bond with me a bit more and has accepted that her son has chosen me to be his life partner, I'm struggling to move past the feelings they caused me. It could be something similar has happened to your girlfriend.
Or she just doesn't want to be around her.
Both reasons are valid. If your girlfriend is adamant she doesn't want to be around her, you'll either need to respect that completely, try and discuss a compromise, or if either of those are just too naked for you, break up.
Yup, she literally told me “a woman tells you when she wants sex, a man is in no position to decide if he wants it or not”. How inflated is your ego?
Listen dude, I was like you when my ex broke up with me. He.cut off contact with me and I wasn't “ready”. Turns out that like Having contact cut is the best thing that can happen to you. You'll be able to actually grow and move past your ex.
Its naked to let that first one go… some of us never do. But as you get older youll realize that it was just a learning experience that hopefully you enjoyed to some degree. The best part of life is that there are endless learning experiences and things to find joy in, but to fully grasp the most out of life you have to accept the scars that come with it. Maybe in 10 years yall will reconnect and its the person you were always meant to be with, maybe she’ll have ugly kids and youll find someone who makes you happy in ways you could never imagine. Its all part of the journey friend, feel your feelings and let them be what helps you grow. Good luck.
Dude. Did you read the post? Like, any of it? You have like five comments with wrong assumptions.
You heard her right. She's saying you won't be her one and only. So you might want to consider your other options.
A month in, he showed you who he is. But, you keep hanging on, and hanging on, and hanging on. Why is that? If you don't like someone's behavior and you want it to stop, you need to stop accepting it. Nothing you've said would make me think he'll change or stop doing what's making you so upset.
Boyfriend – lies about being exclusive one month in.
Argument ensues – blinders go up.
Crap you don't like – argument ensues – blinders on – thinking he'll stop this time…
Rinse and repeat. I'd put money on him doing more than simply liking and putting fire emojis on Instagram posts.
Why are you in a relationship wherein you don't trust your partner? Messaging other women and attempting to hook up with someone else whilst in a month long supposedly exclusive relationship defeats the purpose of exclusivity, does it not?
It's sucks getting dumped.
Move on. She isn't a part of your future.
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I stopped reading after the headline.
Because you let him
So what's missing for you in the relationship? Is it just that she doesn't say the words “I love you”, or is there lots of other things missing?
It’s not a mistake when it happens multiple times. Sadly it is very common for men to cheat on their pregnant partners.
He sounds like a serial cheater and he’s placing the blame on you for “not giving him the attention he needs”. He sounds extremely immature and manipulative, I don’t see this changing. You need to decide if you can online like this forever.
Truthfully OP, my ex did this to me pretty much every time he went out. I started having to really re-examine if he was “great in every other way” like I painted him in my head. You might start pulling at that thread and the rose colored glasses will come off.
While I definitely think you should get some help with the anxiety you feel, as it sounds like you might have an anxious-attachment style, I do think that it seems your bf doesn’t do much to help alleviate the ways he triggers it. Such as with being radio silent on a night out. I get that people get caught up and not realize they haven’t looked at their phones, but it really isn’t that naked to just shoot a quick message, especially if they’re active on other things. That, to me, says they’re actively ignoring you.
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i agree that last bit was unnecessary, shes made it very clear she knows she cannot act on these feelings and only wants a way to get over them and not feel hurt. what she does is extremely difficult and takes a lot of sacrifice and naked work, maybe dont be so quick to call her a predator.
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Appreciate the comment, more than you imagine. Thank you.
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And a cheater on top of that!
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Your partner is a passive-aggressive selfish asshole, so really who cares what he thinks?
He admitted she was inappropriate. After they saw me they immediately stopped giggling & became professional. He never rescheduled. We never complained to anyone . There was no proof.
Also this is a 20 year old man who’s telling you “my mom said no” and that’s not an instant turn off?? And instead of letting go of this internet stranger who’s decisions are delegated by his parents, you continue to pursue him and try to override the concern of his parents? Everything about this is so weird
how is that creepy they’re childhood friends
I really wanted it to be like meeting and then developing everything step by step. Not forcing me to stay with them in the same room of the hotel in same bed and doing things that I am not sure about. That's how I always thought that I should be sure about someone, and I know this guy for around 3 months so it's even worse situation than when I knew ex for 6 years and we delayed always the meeting. It's very naked for me because maybe I'm overreacting and I'm immature for the guy but apparently I don't know how he'll be have in real. How can I be sure that he's just pretending to be a nice guy and then force me for something, right? I don't get this forcing for same bed in hotel. I always thought that people are meeting each other, go out for a walk, get to know each other and do things step by step. Maybe it's different for him cause he had lot of women for one night stands. My ex also did lie about “waiting only for me” and he had lot of women, but at least even if he was asshole too, he kind of for most of time respected me. On the other hand maybe I value my “first times” too much? Maybe I am the one that is immature?
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My opinion is often not like but I think it's fine. I either trust you to do the right thing should things go weird or I don't and if I don't then I shouldn't be with you. It's totally OK to have friends of the opposite sex even when you're in a relationship. This goes back to the whole idea that men will only be friends with someone they want to sleep with which isn't the case and perpetuates the whole idea that being friendzoned is a thing.
Um, what kind of twisted logic is that? This would be like saying she pays you for childcare if you watched the (future) kids while working from home.
IF she were driving you to work, I could see you paying her a portion of her gas bill. But because you work at home, that's a naked pass. Doesn't matter if you working from home is a “perk;” it's not a perk that costs either of you extra money. She's just trying to get more money than she's owed. Honestly, this would make me second guess the other ways we split money, wondering if they were fair.
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You don’t go back to a woman’s apartment without knowing or hoping what the outcome will be. He cheated, with the intention of cheating.
Have you messaged his friend or someone else who might be in contact with him? Does he have social media at all and can you see if he's active on that?
If you can't reach him and this is out of character, I think it's 100% okay to check up on him physically. Maybe tell him beforehand that you're going to come by so he has the opportunity to respond if there's not something really wrong.
And not just once. He needs to actively put in the work necessary to demonstrate that he is a safe person who accepts her and her emotions.
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I was afraid of this. I don’t know what to do.
Both solid options, thanks! Some of the other answers make some decent points but I've also realized over the years my wife often hesitates and talks her self out of all kinds of things she clearly wants to do. All the way from having a glass of wine or relaxing for 5 minutes to pursuing a career she is really in love with or taking up skiing again (just got her out his weekend). She comes up with all kinds of reasons she shouldn't or can't and once I talk her through her concerns and she executes she elated and much happier overall with her life. There may be some of that playing into it as well on top of the typical hesitation around something like this.
Not disagreeing but it's actually “milquetoast”, after the comic character Caspar Milquetoast. Who is named after milk toast, so I guess you were right in a way.
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Mate for your own sanity fuck the hell off.
I believe her holes were filled.
I do apologise upfront for this comment.
All the best OP and I agree with your plans and actions.
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I have not used Snapchat for years and it still notifies me for some reason
I agree, but I don’t think phrasing it as an ultimatum is what you want. Statement vs options
It’s anxiety your too much in your head it used to happen to me a lot try drinking beer or taking shots beforehand or smoking weed something to get the edge off
And then probably “traded in” around 30
Maybe it's lost in the rambling but I state in the post that everything discussed in the post bar her weight gain and poor hygiene have been discussed. All of it repeatedly.
And yes I do have a job (again mentioned above), I work the same hours she does.
Honestly looks like you're looking to have a problem with my post rather than say anything helpful for either of us?
Dude, the problem is staring right back at you. Your girl is playing games.
Just this issue you wanna go back to your parents house?. What happen to the last 4 years he never smoke in the house?. You think this is bf/gf stage… So easy to just up and leave due to some issues?.
And you're a bigot.
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Be honest. Maybe don't give every single detail, but it's only fair for him to know.
This poor woman is going to lose her job over an insecure wife.
Just leave
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i told him about our coworkers. i dont think its messed up. theyre looking out for me. my friend/coworker told me they did it to warn me. because they were all even confused as to why hes with me (not in a way about my looks, but just pure suspicion) , as opposed to a girl of that race.
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That is a sure sign to not stay and make things work in my mind….
You stop talking to her on social media. Whenever you think about her you start discracting your thoughts. Meaning you just think about something else. Plan your next day, recite a song, think about some great movie,… The more you think about something and keep having these thoughts and actually think about that stuff for longer periods of times, the more often these thoughts will come haunting you. The more you distract yourself from them the less they will come back. If you think about her for half an hour and imagine stuff about her again and again, these thoughts will plague you forever. If you start distacting yourself after just a few seconds of thinking about her the thoughts will get a lot more rare.
The question if you should break up is another topic. Do you like your gf? Are you in it for the long run, both? Just because you want to eat pizza does not mean you need to throw away the pasta if you still like that one too.
So to answer your question. if my wife became unhappy in my marriage and started flirting with other guys, I would divorce her and not force her to be faithful. With that being said, she's given no indication she is in a toxic relationship and wants out. I understand what you are saying, but if a wife is happy in a marriage, she wouldn't cheat.
You guys are fundamentally different. You are allowed to be uncomfortable and are allowed to set a boundary that your partner cannot watch porn.
He is allowed to watch porn and find a partner that doesn't mind this.
Neither are bad, but you may need to look for a partner in someone else who doesn't watch porn.
The majority of cheating happens with people in work right? This is exactly why. I think recognising the attraction and chosing distance is the smart thing. It's naked to be friends with someone when there's active sexual chemistry going on, and most people kid themselves with the just friends things.
I feel like there's a difference between just being aware someone is attractive and finding yourself very attracted to them, if that makes sense.
He doesn’t sound like boyfriend material to me… or father material unfortunately
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You can also add racist to the bad partner bingo card.
Either break up or suck up
Oh its been a while since youve spammed this one.
Perhaps I’m being slow, but one thing that’s not clear to me is why did she invent the rape story ?
She could have said- I’m done and it’s out of my system- and you probably wouldn’t have been the wiser.
She is a piece of work though…
Wait until you see what she leaves you in the Will
You can have a kink ,but to want my ex to get involved with the both of us ???? That’s okay ??
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You have to have that 'come to Jesus' talk with her. AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
It sounds like you guys haven't although you may have told her that you don't wish to get married.
At this point, she is invested in you so I'm not going to be surprised if she's going to get angry and there may be a bitter break up. But you have to be strong.
This is the thing, either you or her have to end it IMMEDIATELY. But I think if you do love her, you NEED to be the one to end it first.
Because you know she wants to get married, she's under the impression you may change your mind about marriage. You know that you're going to disappoint her, while she's under the illusion that you are going to fall in and be 'traditional.' Since you're more adamant on not getting married, let her go, man. Be KIND to her and tell her there is no way you're changing your mind. Make sure y'all are very protected (so no kids will come out of this). Tell her that you're ending the relationship because you want her to have a chance to meet another person. You know your conscience and you're the one posting on Reddit out of this.
Don't let her waste anymore her younger year on you, esp. if she wants kids, etc.
Ooof you guys opened the door and now the only way to try to fix this is to close it completely. You guys need to cut her out of your lives . He doesn’t seem willing though, and I’m pretty sure he’s always been in love with her. I hope you weren’t pressured to open your marriage , because that was the biggest mistake and seemed calculated .
Was it made with Koa wood by any chance? I see those all over the place in Hawaii. I have one myself made of Koa wood and opal.
Innit, texts her and tells her she's a cracking shag
A really good point is that men do not have that luxury of knowing 100% that a baby is theirs. They are not carrying the child, so yes they rely on trust that they are the father. Sadly his ex likely took a simple comment, like wow the new baby looks nothing like son, and fanned the flame into wonder if the kid is even yours. Did they break up due to cheating? Did she cheat on him (if so maybe this is her way of making herself feel better) or if he cheated on her maybe this is her way of making him feel how she did. If I were you I would make some copies of this test and keep it where he can be reminded for a while that he questioned your trust by being deceitful. Why didn’t he come to you if he had any doubt? It is uncomfortable but if you want to continue this relationship, you need to ask him about why he had doubts and then why didn’t he come to you, but went to his ex. Also, you may want to reevaluate your relationship with the ex, good co-parents but nothing more, and discuss his relationship with her and boundaries regarding discussion of your relationship with him.
Am I the only one that read the strap-on part and was like “atleast this grandma is accepting!!”
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We can all agree she's being terrible to you, but her advice is terrible, too. Cutting out eggs and milk? What sort of nonsense is she reading?
What is this an episode of Maury? Y’all are too big and grown for this kind of dumb. He should be your ex bc he’s an idiot and probably cheating.
My thing is that the ex may not have even convinced him of this….he may just be using her as a scapegoat b/c he genuinely thought OP was cheating. That's why I think OP needs to talk with her (after calming down)….if they've never had issues before, it wouldn't make sense for the ex to just all the sudden be putting these ideas in his head.
Then it's simple. She's not the one for you.
Any more thoughts?
hate to break it to you but he absolutely is a misogynist. men who aren't misogynists do not get sucked in by grifters like tate
Get him to go to the doctor because he sounds depressed. Depression and weed aren’t a good mix
Not sure why people are saying her lying is no big deal. It’s 100% a major red flag that your partner would lie about a major aspect of their life for 6 whole months. I would be dumbfounded.
Personally I don’t think it’s inherently a deal breaker, but at minimum you need to let her know that further lying will result in an end to the relationship, and to tell her that honesty will be rewarded and not bullied in your relationship.
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If she’s happy and having fun why does it matter? My bf doesn’t smoke but I do and he’s fine with it. Maybe tell her to give you a heads up? If I were her I’d definitely think you were being unreasonable but I’d accommodate stuff like that.
There's a distinct gender bias in this sub when it comes to calling out people's shitty behavior.
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???????
Doesn’t matter what gender you are that’s why I never mentioned it.
Men and women can be both biased.
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The common guidelines are that adult dogs shouldn't be left in a crate more than 6-8 hours. Sounds like yours are crated upwards of 15 hours on a good day. I'm not trying to dunk on you, but just pointing out that this is really naked on any creature.
With two kids now in the picture? Stay for the sake of them or move on? I don't think it would be a question in her mind or ANYTHING she or any woman would or should put up with. But kids and a family staying together makes it difficult.
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Well, when thinking about breaking up, never take the other party into consideration. Obviously she will have to rent smaller, worse location etc etc. That's just life. She will figure it out.
2 things you need to think about:
1) If you're honest with yourself, do you want to break up or do you want to give it one more shot? Based on that question, you know what to do.
2) if it's the latter, think about what can possibly fix your feelings: did you fall out of love because of the cheating thing, or because you… just fell out of love as that can happen? Find the source of the issue, so you can work on it.
PS: honestly, I haven't been cheated on, so maybe I'm out of line here, but being bitter after 4 years, when she “only” kissed a guy and she confessed out of her own volition, that seems a bit extreme to me. Again, I can be wrong here and maybe cheating is cheating, no matter the 'gravity', but try to find inner peace with it, because how you are living emotionally right now, that's just not healthy.
Thanks, this def. makes me feel validated, and reactive abuse sounds about right. She claims she hasn’t done any yelling or slamming or anything in a while, and that he’s been doing this on his own now, but clearly the behavior already became normalized early on. It’s been naked for me to accept that someone with this many troubles just won’t go to therapy, but I guess there’s not much else I can do besides limit the number of times that we talk.
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Just echoing everyone's thoughts, but a burst appendix is a major deal. So major that many states/countries have laws stating that an inflamed appendix must be removed within 24 hours to prevent sepsis or death. Additionally, aftercare is really important because you need to keep the incision clean and take antibiotics.
That said, I started feeling bad on Father's day one year. It is supposed to be a day where you celebrate your child's parent. I told my husband that I needed to go to the hospital because something was wrong and he immediately jumped into action. He didn't think of himself or the ruined holiday at all. I'm eternally grateful to him because he saved my life that day. If I waited even a couple more hours, my appendix would have burst and I could have died.
Please put this experience into the perspective it deserves. If someone loves you, they will make taking care of you a priority. Your BF doesn't make your health a priority. He views it as an obstacle to him doing fun things. He is not a partner.
As long as you’re happy that’s all that matters. I think your SO sounds lovely. People can judge all they want but only you know the truth of your relationship. If you’re happy, loved, and respected, then you’re winning at life. So far it doesn’t sound like there are any red flags. My husband is only 3 years older than me but he prefers for me to stay at home instead of working too. He likes having me be available to him whenever he needs me. His job is stressful and it’s much easier if I wasn’t stressed with my job cause then we’ll both be stressed and that might take a toll on our relationship.
Not gonna lie, there were times that I felt like I’m just wasting away at home with no purpose, just waiting for the kids and him to come home. I don’t do any housework, I don’t cook and I don’t do the school run. I took up hobbies and learned how to sew. I can sew clothes and costumes really well now. I also learned how to bake, decorate cakes, build terrariums (none of these really stuck though. Not enough interest in them). And then I started volunteering which really is what gave me some sense of self. Something that is mine and it really felt fulfilling for me to know that I’m helping people.
I wish you luck in finding something to fill your time while the little one is away at school. Take up classes, join a sports team, join walking groups or running groups, explore everything. You can use this time to figure out what you like, what you’re good at and eventually get a job that will make you happy instead of just something that would fill your time. And with all the hours you’ve spent ‘dabbling’, gap in resume wouldn’t be such a big deal because you’ll have experience.
You are gross. You describe your wife in such disrespectful terms. She’s the mother of your child ffs.
“What you have to work with”. Jesus. You really have a very misogynist view of women. Are you a porn addict that you see women as bits of meat to be picked over until you find a nice juicy one you like the look of?
Why did you date her? Why did you marry her and why tie yourself to her with a child if she’s so not your type? You’re a fool.
Take some time off just to be sure. You can Shasta come back to it if that’s not it.
You’re a real charmer
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But it's not how things actually are, everything you say is just lies. That's why you've got a mob of internet strangers going for your bs.
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He wants a bang maid. I'd rather be dead, but hey that's just me.
Well it’s not about you, it’s her. Her feelings are personal. I see why you may be hurt though, you might feel like how you feel isn’t important as it doesn’t seem to have an effect on her. But it’s not about you personally, she’s just having some self image issues right now. Maybe less “I love your body”, that’s very specific and you know she’s having a naked time with it. More “beautiful” “You’re sexy” etc. keep complimenting her of course.
She is self- focused, grifty-userish, and has too much shit baggage.
Well then I'd say it's time to put down boundaries. Express how you're feeling and tell him what needs to change for you and what's going to happen if it doesn't. The important thing is just to communicate and let him know what you need, to give him a chance to change his actions. He's a grown adult and gets to decide if he wants to make a change and work on your marriage, or continue to do what he's doing (which could be making him happy, who knows, it's ultimately his choice).
Thank you. I appreciate the advice. I think you’re right. I plan to go to my parents and take care of rent for the next two months or so, so he can save and find someplace else. I can’t online in this place on my own, and friend wise I am quite the loner these days so I don’t have someone who can move in. He can’t stay here either financially. Rent has gone up and I’ve been covering a big portion of it for him for a while. I know I should do it in person
I feel the same way in the sense that these things seem more routine than the ability to enjoy each others presence. If you’re not happy you should say something
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I have a dog and a cat and it’s terrifying. But I also feel, unlike OPs husband, if my dog attacked my cat (or a person or child) and killed it, I’d take the dog to the vet to be put down myself. I love animals, but not if they’re a serious liability.
Interesting. My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year now and she’s never mentioned it happening before, but now I am wondering if something like that has happened before and she not mentioned. I can only assume it can’t be more than an infrequent thing if it has happened before as I would have thought she’d have brought it up earlier if it was frequent.
Either way I’ll talk to her tomorrow about it. It’s been useful to hear that this is something that’s happened to other people so thank you for sharing that
You should try bumble bff it’s weird but it really helped me cultivate friendships in an area I didn’t know anyone. Make outside connections if not for yourself for your husband’s benefit it will strain any relationship making one person your entire support system. A little thing I always told myself when I struggled with my anxiety and talking to people was if Casey Anthony can make fu**ing friends so can I!
Should I give it another week too? It’ll be a week tomorrow? We are just talking but I think he needs space I’m not sure. Sent him a heartfelt message today.
Well good luck.
Sounds like you need his and hers therapists (and a couples, to complete the hat trick). That’s IF you really think you want to make this work, and I’d give that some serious thought. If this was a complete departure for him, maybe that’s worth it, but if you can’t find it in yourself to forgive him, don’t stay for the sake of the baby. Modeling an unhealthy relationship isn’t going to be any better for your child than growing up with parents who are separated. Model happiness for your baby instead.
Possibly relevant: did he cheat too because he thought you had?
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Is salty about his own failure, takes it out on others.
The difference between failure and success in this scenario is that I could give my parents a better rate than the bank, so it's already in my name.
So, when the residence changes ownership to someone else since it's not going to you, are you still going to say it is yours?
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You should read 'Attached' by Amir Levine and Rachel S F Heller. She sounds like she has an avoidant attachment type. The book might help you understand her behavior. I have dated a couple of avoidants and it is very naked.
Your insecurity is making you uncomfortable with him having a normal social life. Destroying his relationships is not the solution. Get over yourself or leave him alone if you cant treat him right
I started dating at 15 and ended highschool/college as one of the top performing students. Its all about managing your schedule. You sound intelligent and i doubt it will be an issue for you.
Understand that you dont need to be with your partner 24/7. Study and take time for yourself whenever needed. Keep in contact by texting if you cant spend time together for longer periods of time.
Info: did he cheat with her?
If not, keep going to therapy. Both couple therapy and individual therapy. Sometimes naked experiences can bring couples closer together but it requires a lot of vulnerability and honesty but more importantly, it takes time.
If you’re unsure how you really feel, and this might be dumb, but flip a coin. It will help you know what you do feel and want. (I’m not saying let the coin decide for you, it’s just a method to figure out what you actually want to do and what you might feel.)
You’re basically staying because you had a mediocre stepfather (ie your own baggage). The irony is you’re staying with someone who has already proved himself a sh*t parent who kicked his pregnant wife to the curb and cheated on her. Don’t stay with a terrible person for your child; have some self respect for them and leave. Current best case scenario here is you force yourself to stay despite no longer trusting and/or loving your husband and one day your child finds out that you only stayed because of them—and yes they will find out. Not only is that a really bad model but do you really want to put that amount of guilt and pressure on your child..?
Yes, we actually had a debate about it. She was asking me if i would mind if she followed her Ex on Instagram or someone she loved before we were together. I said it would be a little weird but ultimately i wouldnt mind. Then i joked if she is asking me those questions, because she is looking at who i am following, to which she replied, no bit im going to chwck now. All this in a joking way. Then she went to check, find out i liked this girl pic and a fight was born.
So there are 30 days in a month and you can't be bothered to give up one to give your kid a break. WOW.
Maybe actively is the wrong word. I guess progressively cut down. He’s stopped going out as much (like pretty much never goes out to bars with friends anymore) and if we do go out for food/drinks, he’ll opt to not drink anything with alcohol in.
I can’t believe how blind I’ve been to this issue, as it’s obvious he won’t/can’t have a drop of alcohol as if he does he’ll take it it too far and then won’t/can’t stop drinking.
He’s never said he drinks due to the stress of the job, it’s more that it’s an environment that it’s normalised. The hospitality industry is/can be bad for substance abuse so it’s more the environment and he’s around it constantly. I bartended and waitressed for a few years and saw this first hand where basically everyone working in the high end restaurants had coke/alcohol issues.
He plans to leave this work once his contract is up in November and often speaks about how he’s sick of it and can’t wait to have a normal Monday – Friday, 9-5 job.
that makes me feel like shit and I hope he realizes it so I don't have to tell him!
If you don't leave this will go on for.the rest of your life.
Yeah, I believe this is the best course of action.
Ok, this is how this reads. You cry basically when there’s a conflict and your partner doesn’t look to resolve the conflict, instead they ignore or blame or invalidate you. So yes this is a you problem, but not in the way you think. You’re picking and staying with partners that disrespect, invalidate, gaslight, manipulate or don’t care about your feelings. Pick better partners and this will happen a lot less.
In general when in conflict, each person’s feelings should be treated as just as important, not more than, not less than, but just as important. So one side shares their perspective, receives validation, then the other side shares and gets the same. After that, solutions that work for both are explored and then implemented. You want a partner and you want to be a partner that looks for win/win solutions, not one who repeatedly looks to win at the others expense.
Forbid!? Are you her house boy or something? Does she not think you can control yourself enough to turn down other women’s advances if it does come to that?
Seriously, sounds like she is being very controlling and you need to get her to stop or gtfo of the relationship; there is no reason she should be so be trying to be so controlling unless you gave her reasons to believe you wouldn’t be faithful before.
I don’t know OP, it sounds like you’re setting yourself up for failure. Isn’t the figure that half of marriages end in divorce? I’m sure your spouse wouldn’t like to hear that you’re settling for him, and he’ll get screwed in the divorce through alimony. Not to mention- you can’t really be half way into marriage, so either you become fully committed to it ( and loose a bunch of time if it still fails ) or back out now, but there’s no use in having the foot in the door and being married while wanting to be single. Are you rushing things because you want kids?
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Thank you for your advice. I’m sorry that happened to you and I would be concerned about how my in laws reacted if something similar happened to them. That’s a good way to phrase it that I might just steal from you when we have this conversation.
You don't need to tell your parents even though you ARE OVER 18 and technically an adult. Go to planned parenthood and get checked. Or go to urgent care/ER and get checked. You apparently found time away from your family to give head find time to get tested.
Wow, your wife have groomed you into a marriage and pressured to have a child you are not ready for, while also expecting you to provide for her? You really have a bigger problem than the fact that she can't move on on a mistake you did.
Ofcose it also doesnt help that she hooked up with him on the first day while she made OP wait while lying about her past about being over just hooking while actively hookibg up with the ex fwb, so yeah he just found out the base of his relationship was a lie and these people dont think its a big deal? They could certainly work it out if she was a perfect gf for the past 5 years but still if she doesnt wake up and realise how much she hurt OP and start apologizing they are better off seperating and figuring out what they want than stay together while he resents her and in return she will start resenting him for not getting over it , i would suggest OP to selerate and deal with his emotions first and see if he really wants to be with her or if he is staying because if cost sunk fallacy ,the past doesnt matter because he realised he has been lied to so its upto him what he wants to do with his new information, if its been breaking up he should do it or working it out he should do it also ,do what he thinks is best for him ,personally i suggest seperation because she is acting like this is not a big deal which she knows isnt the case otherwise she wouldnt have lied about it
Tell her that while you're honored she feels she can trust you to help her, you are worn out from being a parent yourself until very recently. You could come and help her recover after pregnancy but you are not willing to be her childcare plan when she returns to work, as you want some time for yourself now.
I've been with my wife for over 20 years and she is like that. She has been getting progressively worse, especially over the past 5 years or so. She nags be too do things. She micromanages what I do. She complains about how I do things.
It got to the stage when I started telling her to back off. When I am in the middle of doing something and she is complaining about how I'm doing it, I say to her, “Well, you've had plenty of opportunity to do it yourself, so you do it,” and I abandon the task. The more she nags me to do something the less she gets out of me. I have a mind of my own and, but she likes to control me. I don't let her now. I stick up for myself. I'm prepared to argue back. I'm prepared to walk away.
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does your daughter realize that she has to parent her own kid and isn’t entitled to breaks once she has them? like being a parent is a full time job which you understand, but she doesn’t. she’s in for a rude awakening.
Yes, the one year she got into a fist fight with one of her “best friends”. The other time for the 2 years when she was 302d (hospitalized) she assaulted a nurse at the hospital
Especially when kids are involved.
I actually enjoy the responses. I feel youre just upset and focusing on trying to talk shit to me as a person. If you read clearly she texts me and has told me to come and see her time and time again.
To your greek life response, I went to a stupid party school that is not prestigious. Shit, hazing became illegal because of my university tbh. I am fixated because now that I am successful at the age of 24 it makes me wonder. Wanna know the truth? I worked out everyday, i began applying myself to school so much more, did 2 internships during my final year, paid for this girl for 2 years of my life and told her to focus on an internship and not worry about money because I wanted to be #1 in her eyes. So for people fixating on a stupid fraternity which I stopped caring about to worry about my future is annoying. You seem very angry about me saying the raw truth. Did i cheat? No, she dumped me that week & i take it as cheating because i threw my relationship away in a moment of insecurity. I HAVE LEFT HER ALONE AND SHES ALWAYS TEXTING AND CALLING ME & SAYING THESE THINGS. Do you not think it sounds like im being manipulated? Youre so focused on making me want to feel like shit that you dont even answer my question. Youve made this into let me prove this dude is a bad guy that you dont even answer my question.
As a divorced parent, I can tell you how this works. Please understand that this is NOT me saying 'divorce her'. I believe that you need to take responsibility and have a discussion with her about how you feel before any of this happens. I understand how you feel here, but I also understand people who write these things often leave their own negative traits out of it.
Assuming you're in the US.
You get a consultation with a family attorney and see how much they charge, and put down a retainer with the one you choose. Get one that specializes in custody.
If you decide to move forward with divorce, you will serve her papers, and she will need to get a divorce attorney.
You will go over the situation with your attorney. Depending on the situation, you may or may not need to pay spousal support or child support (or both). Child support is almost always guaranteed because you're the one that earns more. Spousal support you can work out with your attorney and get help limiting it.
Custody, as long as you were a fit parent, is something that is usually split. Most states would rather parents co-parent, and most states also require each parent to take a seminar about co-parenting so you don't screw your kid up. My partner, for example, has split up his time so it is exactly 50/50 time, days of weeks change, holidays, etc. My time with my son is different because I online out of state with him and he's a teenager. He travels to see his father for weeks at a time when he can. Granted, that's a different situation because he doesn't WANT to go. it's up to you to make sure your child WANTS to see you when he's older.
You will go back and forth with your attorney and his to get custody right. if you two can agree on something, great. if not, then you will go before a judge. (Please note this is a very broad explanation of what will happen, each state is very different, and I did this in a no-fault state, so there couldn't be a 'he did this' or 'she did this' to cause the divorce).
ALL of this is something you can talk to the attorney about during a consultation over the phone. Ask them, “if I divorce my wife will I automatically lose my son?” and they can answer questions. They will not answer some. It's a free consultation. But they will help you. You also cannot get free consultations from ALL of the attorneys in your area because once you do your wife can't hire them.
I urge you, after all of this, to do something other than going straight to divorce if you're otherwise happy. And if SHE is otherwise happy. But for the love of christ, don't stay in a marriage for a kid if the two of you are miserable and are at each other's throats. I did that and my kid has told me since that he wishes I'd left his dad a long time ago. I told my mom over and over again I wish she'd left MY dad long before she did. Unhappy marriages don't make kids happy. Kids are much smarter than you think.
OP, I get that before you thought it was over in everything except the paperwork but let's look this as it is now.
Let's forget for a moment about the difficulties in divorce. Your bf interacts with his wife who you claim is not over him yet, stopped you seeing his son and lies to you about it. After an apparent year of separation, there's no sign of moving on and in fact doing more things together.
This sounds a lot like reconciliation. Your bf is more than enabling, he's encouraging the situation. He's staying with his wife and continuing this because HE wants to. He also wants to have a gf (you) but not ending his divorce as best he can, even if his ex was digging her heels in. That sounds like he's enjoying the attention both of you give him.
Look, after the initial passion of your relationship and newness, your rose tinted glasses are coming off and he has set in his ways. It's easy to blame it on the ex but be realistic. He's just not as serious about you as you are him. He's having his cake and eating it simply cos he can- he is still in this “messy” situation because of his choices. Hell, if he's not taking his divorce and separation seriously, how can you expect him to have a proper future relationship with you?
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I had the same issue growing up! I didn’t like my name… some family drama/issues. I wanted to be someone else then.
It wasn’t until in my mid to late 20s that I started getting confident and really appreciated my name, identity and who I am that I realized… I am who I am because of everything I’ve been through. And whatever family drama back then shaped me who I am. I went from an insecure child to taking back my identity and making piece with it. And now I love my name… it is unique and most of all… it’s ME.
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I’m asking a question.
I’m asking a question.
Why do you say that
Amount of ppl who think if your partners hang out one on one with someone else is nothing to worry about is mind blowing to me. “ I do t wanna be controlling “ but you are clearly bothered by it and what she is doing is pretty sus in my opinion.It’s one thing to hang out with childhood friend you know for a long time but someone new and she doesn’t even introduce you to this supposedly “friend” … she is only 21 so yes she will be meeting tons of new ppl. She is young , you will find yourself in this situation multiple times if you date someone young.
Pretty harsh calling someone a placeholder.
I’ve been around tons of drunk people who mistook someone as someone else. You can literally hallucinate and depersonalize when severely drunk. I don’t think the episode of him being a jerk while probably blacked out means one thing or another. It could mean he’s a creepy cheating liar, a sociopathic abuser, or just an alcoholic who becomes verbally abusive while blacked out. It could also mean anything else we don’t know about. It literally tells us nothing about who he is, or what he has been up to in his free time.
The facts of this post are that OP’s partner has a drinking problem, she wants to be with him but won’t fully commit to being with an alcoholic, his drinking has progressed to include incoherent and unintelligible verbal abuse, and he also has a strange obsession with a stranger, or he is lying about the meaning of his search queries.
In any case, I would advise OP to stop making excuses for him and put up boundaries around his drunk behavior. She could also look up the dentist office herself and see if the person even exists there or if it’s a fake cover story. In any case, she doesn’t need to accept his bad behavior.
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idk, I may be wrong but I kinda get the feeling that the reason it bothers OP's bf is because he probably sees himself as a failure because HE can't get her there but some other guy did, just a thought.
I just wonder… in the two months, did you never speak about what will happen with your sister in the future? Or did you just ignore the topic hoping sis will magical get better? And did you talked with a specialist if it is actually better to give in in her demands?
I also wonder why she isn't in an hospital while she is still so in her delusion and not on medication? I mean, if she is just in the beginning you don't know if she can end up as a danger for others or herself…
OP sounds delusional, everyone’s giving her solid advice,
And she responds with,
What do you mean, he’s not controlling me… are you really 27?
It IS exactly cheating. It’s at the very LEAST emotionally cheating. You’ve caught him sending pics to guys before, told him that’s not ok, and now he’s doing it en masse by posting secret videos of himself for the internet. And this is just the things you’ve found SO FAR. What else is he keeping from you, and what else will he continue to keep from you to keep his little fantasy going? It’s not about the content. It’s the lies and secrecy
That makes sense. Are there certain factors that can tell us that the relationship may or may not survive? Or anything else to do with these feelings?
Better off from someone who wouldn’t actually cheat? Yes actually, he’d be better off with someone who suspects him of being disloyal about the biggest of things.
If he’s bringing home random babies and telling me that they’re mine, I think it would be time to contact the police.
What if she’s healthiest and happiest when she’s not concerned with her body image or weight??
Going into therapy like that feels kind of dishonest to me, like if he should be honest about why he wants them to do therapy before starting.
If he wants them to both get healthier together he should prioritise her mental health and be really aware and careful about triggering her.
She doesn't care about you in the way you want. She's moved on. It may have been a small fight or a silly reason but she wasnt as invested in the relationship as you were so she has found it easier to move on. You're the ex now. Don't embarass yourself and try to reconnect. It's over, Dude.
As for the alcohol? I'm not sure of the details, but is it a problem or a scapegoat? I know you blacked out this once but it doesn't sound like you drink a lot and it hasn't been causing problems after the one night. I'll let you figure that one out. Class or not, don't take it because you think it'll help you reconnect.
How does breaking up avoid hurt? Open relationships aren’t without hurt feelings, but hurt feeling aren’t without benefit.
Breaking up damages the relationship. It’s either over or you get back together later. Neither prevents the hurt in the moment or the amount of sex had between. Why not engage the feelings and deal with the difficulty that comes with that?
Maybe he didn’t want her to post anything?
Maybe she wanted to keep her private life private?
Not everyone needs or wants to post about everything happens.
To be perfectly honest, it’s more of a red flag if someone posts everything about their life on social media.
So you need to talk, it will probably take a while to sort it out, as first she needs to see that she is actually doing these things, then you both will need to work out why, and then work out how to work through it all.
I suggest starting the conversation asap, but when you don’t have the children.
I don’t see it as a complete rejection but not a naked yes I need you, it’s more of an IF I need your help, I’ll call you because “I have your number”
I think she's on the fence, and maybe a bit scared, but she's enjoying knowing she can have you if she wants. Getting together with someone else (i.e making her a little jealous and reminding her that you're not just waiting around for her, forcing her to stake a claim on you and show her intentions) might work in your favour here.
So because he's having a crisis about his mortality and thinks having lineage will salvage that, that means you need to bear the brunt of his feelings? Absolutely not. He needs therapy and you need to get away from him. You're 26, there's plenty of other guys out there who aren't going to treat you like a baby cannon to repair their own issues.
Kinda coming to realize this is a more than likely outcome, karma is a bitch
Not gonna lie, if a fairly harmless joke like that from her first ever 3 viewers was enough to make her lash out on camera, shut off the stream and then bawl her eyes out, she will not be able to handle being a full time streamer.
Can you imagine the reaction when it progresses to real, targeted hate and abuse? Which is what every streamer receives on a daily basis, ESPECIALLY female streamers, who have the extra risk of rape threats, stalkers, and constantly being objectified/sexualised by their mostly male audiences.
I'm not sure if she fully understands the gravity of the business she wants to get into and she doesn't sound stable enough to be able to handle the inevitable dark sides that come with it. Being in the public eye on the internet is not easy, even more so for female gamers. Based on what you've said in this post, I don't think it's going to work out for her.
Have you recorded her so she can hear herself? Has she seen a doctor about the snoring?
Grow a pair man. If it's 40+ people then there are probably a lot of people she wants to see and party with.
If this circle of friends doesn't like you, you're out of luck.
Someone who wants children but can't have them generally answer the question of kids with; “I want kids, but I'll have to adopt/use a surrogate/ do invitro, etc.” Whatever their personal preferences are.
Someone who doesn't want kids but can have them say, “I don't want kids.” Maybe there are follow-up questions. But those questions are generally filler to describe that they don't have the patience. They like their life to be their own, don't wanna deal with pregnancy, etc. Whatever, very valid reasons they have for not wanting them.
Someone who doesn't want kids and can't have them will have the same conversation as someone who can but doesn't want to. There was no lie, not even by omission, because it wasn't relevant information. Now, maybe you could have let him know when he first told you he changed his mind. But again, you don't want them, so it doesn't matter. No means no.
My children were always wanted and are the brightest spots in my life, but they tore my body apart (figuratively speaking). I can't imagine someone forcing me to go through it. I can't imagine even being able to look at someone who would attempt to force it on me. That's a high level of cruelty.
Something I've never seen anyone talk about, but I experienced, was the dehumanization. I wasn't me. I was the incubator. Gotta do this it's good for the baby. Can't do that it's bad for the baby. It's just your hormones because of the baby. You shouldn't do that perfectly normal thing because gasp the baby!
Have you ever been fully awake in an OR while they cut you open and played with your insides before yanking out a whole ass person, and no one says a word to you. Even the anesthesiologist is busy watching the monitors and the procedure. They have conversation with each other. Sometimes even laughing. But until they were putting you back together, you weren't really there. It's not fun.
When his friend died and he changed his mind, he stopped treating you like a whole individual person and started treating you like an incubator. Your body is not his to command. Just because he says “I love you” doesn't mean he should get to take your choices and autonomy away. You do not owe him a child, nor is it shameful to not be able to have them.
If you listen to anything, listen to this… a woman's worth has nothing to do with her womb, whether it's used or not. The only reason anyone should ever have a child is that they themselves want to be a parent. They want to love the child they create. They should never have a child for anyone else. “I can't give the man I love a child,” that is 100 percent societal conditioning. Do YOU want a child?
If the answer is no, then you need to realize that he tried to say, “I don't care if she wants it or not. I want it so I'll make her. It'll just be an 'accident'. What she doesn't know won't hurt her.” Can you really online with him taking ownership of your body like that?
If anyone has read this far, I applaud you.
Not salvageable. It would happen again and again and again if you stayed.
Probably cultural thing, i online in europe, parents here don't sleep with the children until they're 14 or something.
I think that’s pretty normal. I think I would feel jealousy if anyone in my family or my friends suddenly got millions of dollars.
I'm going to throw out an observation that's probably wrong, but it feels like you're in the high functioning spectrum? I say this because you type how my dad (Aspergers) speaks.
Now, if that's true there is likely a big gulf in between her communication style and your communication style which isn't as easy to bridge as some people not on the spectrum can.
An obvious observation is why do you think your communication style is the correct way, and hers is wrong and should be adjusted to your style? I'm not disagreeing with you, because I too prefer straight forward feedback but I appreciate that it's not always possible for people to deliver information that way.
I do need to point out that, irrespective of spectrum or not, your spiraling and paranoia is a tad extreme and your extrapolation of data isn't beneficial. Only you can control this and its unfair to assign blame or responsibility to someone else.
Dude. If I was with someone I’d call “extremely mean”, I’d feel a bit more comfortable saying “I feel alone”. This is not a healthy relationship dude. You know this. And you know this will get worse and less affirming.
You are allowed to have your feelings and you've expressed them to him. I also wouldn't call this game “a bit sexual”. It was sexual, period.
All you can do is talk about it and both express yourselves and come to expectations regarding boundaries. I think a lot of partners wouldn't be happy with the circumstances you describe.
Ok I don't believe in hanging out, or being friends with people you could date while in a monogamous committed relationship. Why? You are looking at. I swear if this were a man and she was doing this, you would call her naive and saying he was taking advantage. IT is complicated. There is a way to online a drama filled life, and this is not it. All I know is the post, what you have done before, not sure. If you dont' like your girlfriends values, then you may not be in the right relationship. Good luck.
Good suggestion.
Maybe it’s time to leave. You shouldn’t have to deal with all this and if she’s not willing to help herself then there’s nothing you can do. She’ll online to regret it.
Ahahah yeah! She may have wanted to string you along and thought that since you are married you wouldn't actually pursue her.
Weekly is absolutely not an excessive amount to see friends. Seeing only your SO for weeks at a time probably isn’t very healthy for your relationship or mental health
Thank you for your reply. I feel like at this current moment we both know what each other want and if that were to change, I’m sure we’d both talk to each other about it. Since getting together he’s gone to uni, I’ve had to work on myself by getting therapy, we’ve both taken up hobbies. I know obviously bigger life events will happen and we will have to deal with them when it comes
I totally get why that sucks, but what alternative is there? Abandon children to poverty with single mothers?
Women can give the kid up for adoption or abort.
But they still are responsible for at least some of the cost of that child.
In my opinion, it's hypocritical to say that it's fine for a woman to kill the fetus while also believing that merely abandoning it is cruel.
Encourage men to run at the first sight of a positive test by the goverment supporting the child?
Are women encouraged to run away from their responsibility by being able to abort?
hes not str8 first of all ?
It surprised me how you instantly jumped on the most extreme possible interpretation to demonize what is completely healthy communication.
Sure am ?
Dude… run.
You might be, depending on where you online.
Alimony is strictly paid to the spouse. If you had kids, that would be child support, which is a totally separate thing. Just because you don’t have kids doesn’t necessarily mean you wouldn’t be entitled to money.
I say take it if it is a possibility. A lawyer would be able to figure all of that out for you.
The swinging offer was decidedly out of left field: but why in the heck did your husband blame you for it? ? I mean I imagine you got home, still weirded out, telling him about this like it was weird because “Uh, I really just needed to take a piss, thanks but no thanks!” And yet, he’s freaking out on you?
You brought the sexy popcorn, didn’t you?
(Good looooord)
…if it’s not at your home then absolutely you do it yourself. Find a time to go.
Cut him loose and never look back and I would get a custody agreement in place with child support and full and sole custody, with visitation to be determined at a later date. I would also change the locks so that he can't come crawling back, he's IMO using you as an excuse. Be done with him
All of this is racist as hell. It is not normal. Even wanting to visit Japan is racist in context here.
You deserve better than him, and you will find it.
31f here. I set an age range down in the low 20s before just to increase matches, but every 20yo I’ve matched with comes across as extremely immature from the very first message. It’s exhausting when you feel like you’re dealing with a child. That’s just my experience though.
Why are they hunting in the wild like that? Dating sites specifically for swinging do exist, so does fetlife etc.
Exactly
I'm really not. This person is really emotionally unstable and manipulative and your answer is 'meh, keep dating them' which is awful advice.
Clearly there are red flags here.
I agree with everything you say. But the last part is meh. I know my worth. I'm a 10/10. I'm still humble in other ways but I will never play myself down to act like a naive wall flower that doesn't know how she looks like.
Plus humbelness can be shown in other ways. For example how I donated to this brokie who i consider a lost case at this point
I don't know what to do
Do you? Or you just don't want to say it?
Oh I wish i could give you a big hug. You are so young, and you seem like a good person. You are not worthless and useless. ♥️ I know it may be naked but honestly, cutting ties with him may be what’s best for both of you, so you can be happy and he can learn to take care of himself
It is an opinion. Nobody can identify themselves in any way they want. Science-phobic
I'm sorry you're going through this, sounds like you had a right-person-wrong-time thing with V. Unfortunately I don't have specific advice, not having been in this situation before, but maybe ask on a transgender sub for help identifying your emotions? That way the next time something like this comes up you know how you're feeling and can act on them. Good luck.
Wtf.. I’m a father of 2 daughters and I have repeatedly stated that I couldn’t care less about who or what gender they are dating as long as they are happy and treated well and with respect. It is up to me to show them how a healthy relationship should look like. What your husband is stating is just sick and disgusting.
This is fucked up. He should be fucking ashamed that he hid something like that for 3 months and then he disclosed it right as you’re about to do the deed and then gets angry when you don’t want to have sex at that exact moment?? What a tool.
Some people have genital aversion due to sexual assault or just plain and simple aren’t interested in having sex with people with a certain set of genitals and that’s totally okay! It’s understandable that you need a moment to process this information before you put yourself in a vulnerable position with him. Especially after he lied and said you knew any major information about him.
I’d tell him to kick rocks just for getting pissed about you not having sex with him. Not to mention the lie beforehand.
Have you not seen his coments saying that makes 'girls' (not women, apparently) 'low IQ'? This guy's eother a troll or just hopelessly sexist, don't give him the time of day.
She put in effort, she arranged babysitting and got the kids out. This thread is so crazy to me. I guess I can’t understand a marriage where one person initiating sex is some kind of huge offense.
Yea she’s not just gonna accept it but we did talk about postponing the wedding yesterday and she seemed relatively open to it. Although she then brought up abortion/suicide of herself. Which she knows that I don’t want her to do that
Make SuRE he's not married. Sounds like he is. Doesn't want paper trial of hotel charges … Mysterious, never-mom doesn't like you …. Research it!!!
I'd bet money that he doesn't online with parents, he lives with his wife or girlfriend
My husband and I always said this, but we are not an open relationship type of people. That’s why it works
I’d pack my shit. That thought is always going to be in her head now. She pondered the idea of have sex with other people
If asking to put a condom on ruins the mood ..don't fuck that person. Simple. Effective.
This doesn't sound like a compatible partner for you. You'll only end up resenting him when you piggyback him through growing up, organising himself and dealing with him and his friends in your home. He'll make you into his mom and you'll be deeply unhappy.
Go do your thing. You can do better than this. Check back in with him in five years, I'll bet you anything nothing will have changed in his life.
Are you sure you're not being catfished?
Let me help you here my man. She went on a vacation with someone or met someone on vacation and they had a sexual relationship that developed into something emotional and now she wants to keep her relationship with you and the benifits it affords her while still having sex with this other person without having to go through the trouble of hiding it.
An open relationship takes a certain type of trust that she's already shattered. It also takes a certain type of person to be in it. I'm not that type of person and couldn't do it so you need to decide if you're that type of person. There's nothing wrong with consenting adults having whatever type of relationship they're most happy with as long as everyone is ok with it.
That being said you're both still young and maybe you're not meant for each other. I don't believe in soul mates but mostly because I don't believe in souls but I digress. I believe that MOST people have someone in the world that they could have a long,healthy, and happy relationship with but sadly not everyone finds that person and you have to make due.
Sometimes people think they've found that person at a young age and then 10/20/30 years later they find out they didn't. That's a risk we all take when we commit to a relationship. People change over time and sometimes the person you were completely compatible with 10+ years ago isn't who you're compatible with now, its sad but it happens.
You need to decide if the person you got with 3 years ago is still compatible with you. An open relationship isn't something that a couple tries out and generally recovers from when they find out it doesn't work for them. Goodluck man
remind him about Goldilocks. There is too small and there is too big, then there is just right.
Therapy. Honestly, sincerely, that is the advice I can offer you.
As someone with deep-seated phobias that give me anxiety attacks thinking about, about things that are out of my control– Therapy.
If he plays
Yep this is my plan for later this year! Already have a nice but inexpensive ring to propose with as a gift, and the intention is to go out with her afterwards to get a real engagement ring she'll be happy to wear for a long time. It's really the best option if you know your partner is picky about what they'll like.
Thank you, I think I will try to talk to her about it
People should shut up and let you online your life how you want with who you want. As long as everyone is a consenting adult then it really doesn't matter what other people think.
As a child, I'd never betray either parent over this. It happend with my grandparents. I've seen it happen so many times where people choose to cut off family who has decided to divorce or has an affair. When a couple with small kids split, it's rare people will say yeah I hope they don't get to see their respective parents. Those people are important to a child and the split likely has nothing to do with the children.
Another way to look at it is If the roles are reversed and I was the one who cheated, I would hope my parents would still keep a relationship with me despite my poor decisions. Lots of times we don't know why we as humans act terribly, but many times we just want our family to still love us through the shit.
Your relationship with your dad is important and unless he's manipulating or using you or is toxic, then you have the right to keep it. Same as your mom. You can definitely respect her by keeping that part of your life to yourself, but she can't keep you from him.
That's my thoughts/opinion anyway.
I’m an American and I will admit, uncircumcised dicks were a little scary to me, because of lack of exposure…. But it’s so much better! Handjobs are easier, it’s more sensitive, and I get a nice surprise because it’s a grower! Americans have become really weird about their genitals recently.
You could just understand it wont happen and calm the fuck down? You want this man to have an affair so fucking bad. Its sad.
Thank you and THANK YOU for looking out for these kids! It’s so common and scary how easily young men and women are preyed on by creeps.
I didn’t say he was a cheater, I said he’s most likely been thinking about this breakup for awhile- the fact he was able to clean-cut you off so easily and shrugged off your goodbye means he was ready to move on.
i keep coming back to read this. you’ve given me so much insight. it was kind of refreshing and validating. if that makes sense
You’re sweet OP
I’ve definitely separated my feelings about him vs my feeling about the experience of being in a relationship with him. Our relationship wasn’t the best and i know it wasn’t good for me. Just was concerned about my personal timing with this new development. I definitely realize i have to make her feelings about it a priority too which i hadn’t completely thought about. Thank you for opening my eyes in that way.
James Deen is still working too, even after being accused of rape by multiple co-stars. Kink.com made a big show of cutting all ties with him… and then quietly began working with him again a few years later.
No one changes in only two months. You also had health issues being with her that cleared up after you broke up. Sounds like being with her was causing you major stress. The minute you are with her again, your issues came right back. Don't get back together with her.
I don’t think you need to hang out. If you do, make it an outing somewhere so you can easily escape leave. Your husband has your back so that’s good.
Dump the effing apps. The usual feelings those apps produce are exactly what you and thousands are experiencing. While some may find a partner on an app the majority do not and it leaves a person feeling insecure. Go old school. Join gay biking, hiking, bowling, softball, whatever clubs. Volunteer at pride organizations, gay community centers, dog pounds, and so on. Go to neighborhood bars (not loud clubs) when they have specialty nights like bingo, movies and so on. Whatever you do just go old school because that is a true & trued way. And yes, I’m going to say it. You will find someone out there. You just have to look and be open to it. Don’t let the insecurity that the apps gave you rule your life.
You know what would be funny? Telling him that years ago you fucked his mom in the ass. I’m sure someone like that could appreciate that kind of humor.
How fast can you get away from this guy? Whatever it is, won't be fast enough in my estimation. Find someone in your own social circle that has the qualities needed in a loving relationship. He doesn't have it.
Well that’s your opinion and I know in my head I am over it so thanks for your insight. ??
That's a good one
Thats fucked up, Its not “Cheating” but its 100% affecting your relationship in a negative way. She wont be as nice, caring, attentive or committed to your relationship for as long as this guy is around since shes got a “Backup”
its messed up and you need to stand your ground. Its not controlling to make her block and delete this guy, Totally Understandable and an important Boundary