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nala_rames, 24 y.o.
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Date: October 10, 2022
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I'm so proud of you for taking that step.
There are people who think that “Total openness and absolute honesty” is the only formula for a successful relationship. IMO, most of these people haven’t been in many long term relationships. Or they’re hypocrites. There are things your partner has a right NOT to know. Your masturbation habits are a good example. They are PRIVATE and none of her business. AT ALL. But you’re not going to convince her of that fact, due to her massive insecurity and religious upbringing. But the only way to keep them private is to lie about them when she asks if you watch porn or what you think about when you jerk off. We both know she’d be horrified if she knew every sexual thought that went through your head, so you don’t tell her those, right?
If your girlfriend asked you, “Honey, do I look fat?” Or “Are my boobs too small?” Or “Do you find any of my female friends attractive?” The answer to these questions is ALWAYS “No,” regardless of whether they’re true. It would be CRUEL to answer yes to any of those questions. And this sub is filled with posts from women who complain abut things like “When I asked my boyfriend if I’m the prettiest girl he’s ever dated, he told me no. Should i break up with him?” So people aren’t really being truthful when they say they want total honesty. So, personally, I think jerking off is one of those areas that we are justified in not being totally honest about.
Some couples are able to come to an understanding: “I’m going to watch porn, but I promise not to do it where you’ll see it, and I’ll hide the evidence, and YOU promise not to go looking for it and not to ask me about it anymore,” and that works for them, but it doesn’t sound like your girlfriend would agree to something like that.
The BEST policy is not to lie, but there are situations where not being truthful is sometimes a necessary evil, in order to protect her feelings and to save the relationship. But you need to decide what’s best for you and her.
Good luck! I hope you guys find a balance the works out for you.
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Umm. Ok. Before relationship advice, writing advice.. use paragraphs and think through what you want to say before your start writing coz I’m having trouble following what’s going on here..
On to relationship advice.. So it sounds like a classic love triangle.. you love her, she loves someone else. That someone else was your best friend and now you feel betrayed? Does she want to keep her relationship with the other guy secret?
If I understand everything correctly, right now I think your feelings are too raw to really process. You might feel hurt and betrayed, but based on something’s you said I feel like it’s as much hurt ego and embarrassment that she quickly moved on to someone you trusted.
I know you think you are mature beyond your years but believe me, you’re not. You’ll feel a lot more of this before you find true love. This wasn’t true love. This was an infatuation/puppy love. You will feel like this again someday. The hardest part is putting on the brakes when you feel this way and grounding yourself in the level your relationship is in reality vs the level it is in your mind. Dreaming about what kind of family you want is a far cry from planning for it, for example.
I am a trans man; aka I identify as masc by choice. You're making me seriously question my decisions.
If this is seriously how “all men” think, I might be better off identifying as fem and being butch lesbian.
Fuck that bs.
Why were you dating a 16 year old dawg???? Wtf.
She doesn’t like the way he’s playing and doesn’t like being called that. How is it playful if she doesn’t like being called that? Would you feel the same way if she was calling him dick head and he didn’t like the nickname but she kept calling him that even though he has said multiple times he doesn’t like being called that? Jesus how very hot is it to compromise and call her something else more to her liking?!!
Why do you think so? Have you been through this?