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Nathan Harris, 22 y.o.
Location: Colombia
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Date: October 5, 2022
ily I can sleep in peace now
Yeaaaaaaaaaa that’s a no go
I guess I read it like OP brought this up for discussion and it was a nude no for the partner. What should he do then? I suppose I'm also assuming he's not going to lay it out that bluntly. But what's really the option here?
I would never expect a guest to clean or wash the dishes. That's just being a bad host. However, not offering is her being a bad guest. But it sounds like she could be having mental health struggles and sometimes even the best intentions don't come to fruition (cooking a planned dinner).
You could just ask her to pick up her own wrapper and garbage or once she is done using a cup outside of mealtime, if she could wash it. But I wouldn't expect her to cook a meal, wash mealtime dishes, do laundry or vaccuum unless this was a temporary living arrangement and the rules were agreed upon.
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She took the risk. If you try to keep things normal, and if she handles it well, the friendship can survive.
I used to have a friend who acted like your boyfriend. My life got so much better when I cut her out. Don't waste your life with someone who's not happy for your success.
You're a petty little bitch .
41m here, you’re a trophy, I’m sorry to say this, but it is what it is. He’s dating you because women his age won’t put up with his bullshit.
Thank you. Yes it seems like a long time and after today she is going back to work then leaving on Wednesday for a week long vacation. I don’t see her sitting down to talk to me during that time either. And around 11 months, it’s long distant right now which doesn’t help make anything easier.
A trauma response is a “fight, flight or freeze” response driven by the sympathetic nervous system – which is mostly outside the control of the individual and is self-limiting under normal circumstances.
Giving the silent treatment is not a trauma response. It's a coping mechanism – control remains. He is choosing to shut you out, and choosing to not discuss it.
Usually when we use the silent treatment we get a response from the other party. It's usually for attention or for the other party to change their behaviour in some way. Ask yourself: How do your behaviour change as a result of the silence? How might he benefit? What would happen if you ignore the silent treatment and go on living your life?
You are drowning yourself in a glass of water. That is the most stupid reason to be mad.
She waited a bit to make is seem more believable. She told you what happened because clearly she knows how you are.
As many people have told you, she can't say “I have a boyfriend” the dude isn't asking her out. He wants to talk about the show or the video game. If she messages him “I have a boyfriend” I guarantee you that he would say “Uh I'm not asking you out, I have a girlfriend.” Then make things awkward for her when he visits her job.
I had a guy creep on me at a job I use to have when I was younger. He did it to another coworker too. I asked him to stop, he didn't. I told my worthless boss, who didn't believe us, but spoke to the guy, obviously she wasn't on our side. He came in the next day and told me he has a wife, he wasn't creeping on me, or my coworker and my boss was like yeah, it was a misunderstanding. My ass.
Anyways, women get put in these difficult positions, and at work it's harder to advocate for yourself, because you don't want to loose your job, and if no one believes you and thinks you're being dramatic, it makes work awful.
She also won't say “my boyfriend doesn't like me to talk to other men” because that makes you sound like an insecure, controlling, person who doesn't trust her. Which TBH if that is how you really are, you need to sort yourself out.
Stop making a mountain out of a molehill. You're young, work on yourself and your insecurities. Your mind games sound exhausting. She set everything up not to trigger you and you still got triggered.
If we won't share the same last name, and I'll already be listed as the father on the birth certificate, the kids won’t have my last name, what additional benefits would marriage bring?
Is that seriously all marriage is for you? Do you not love your girlfriend?
I think it’s right to tell him if you were a sex worker.
My immediate take on this was that the previous girlfriend never existed. He’s been caught lying and is trying to push it back on you. You may seem to him fixated on the ex-girlfriend issue whereas it seems to me more a need for honesty.
Is this guy actually going out to hurt anyone or do anything illegal?
The way I see it you just disagree with this guy's political views. While his views may be unpalatable to most of us, he is entitled to them. If you don't like them, fair enough, don't associate with him. But I would stay out of it, that's an issue for your cousin, not you.
I'm confused….if you didn't earn it….how did she earn not paying it back at all???
No one is wrong. He masturbates, just like most adults of all genders, and you don’t like what he masturbates to.
Attempts to make someone stop masturbating the way they like to never work; on this sub alone there are 10,000+ posts of people upset because they made their partner promise to never look at porn, and then they did and lied about it.
You’re allowed to not like it, but you need to either find somebody who shares your views or figure out how to get over whatever insecurities are making you want to control your partner’s masturbatory habits.
Because it isn’t going to work, and you’re only going to end up resentful that he continues to do it in secret.
I have never heard of a single relationship where one person banned porn because they’re insecure, and the other didn’t just do it secretly and lie about it.
I’m a married woman in my 40s. I watch porn, my husband watches porn, sometimes we watch together and sometimes on our own. It’s great! I can’t recommend enough just getting over this idea that your partner isn’t supposed to have a fantasy life unless it revolves solely around you.
I think an “ultimatum” on a ring is what makes this most distasteful. I will say, you will be getting a free wedding and home if their word is true and as another comment says, I think it’s a nice bargain in exchange for buying her an expensive ring. But it should never be about how expensive it is, there’s love behind most wedding rings given. You just have to decide if this is okay with you, and know that in the future she may want to splurge on other items as well. She will continue to live! her wealthy lifestyle, you have to decide if it’s achievable, affordable, and desirable for you. If neither of those three click, I think you should cut the reigns before you invest further, or have a true discussion on how she really feels about this and if she’s willing to actually lose you over the cost of the ring. If her answer is reassuring/satisfactory for you, I’d say make your choice to stay. But again, if you’re just not down with any of that I think you know what’s best. Good luck.