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Well I aint gonna jump into whether or not she cheated and regrets it or whatever. Just saying if my partner was assaulted and didn’t press charges, it just wouldn’t sit right with me.
Seriously. Anything a little too much below 25 I'm beginning to feel like a creepy mc creeperson. And I'm younger than her husband.
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Yes both are women
Break it off.
The worst thing you can do is try and convince her to give you a child she doesn’t want, or to give up on children if you’re really that dead set on having them.
Personally, I don’t think you can fully make that choice yet, since your brain isn’t finished developing, but you still should not stay in a relationship that has such different life goals.
I'm not insisting that it can only be one thing, I'm pointing out how I personally would react after behaving badly and being talked about and apparently being forgiven.
I would actually be relieved that SIL has moved past what I would consider a very embarrassing incident and I would call and say thanks but I don't feel up to attending an event with alcohol right now since I only stopped drinking a short while ago.
So I don't understand OP's problem in the least. You behave badly, you accept the consequences. I'm wondering how OP would have reacted if they hadn't been invited, because that would be a very strong signal that SIL hadn't forgiven OP and might be making it into A Thing.
Don't wanna be too specific, but General Engineering subject
So she married a guy 27 years older than her after knowing him for a week just for kicks?
Wow, I’d be running away really. This one sounds like a penis trap of some kind.
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I asked her to play in the next days earlier today, so I am waiting for a response on that but it most likely will be a yes. I feel like it will make me like her even more tbh.
We play Dead by Daylight together
I’m sure that’s the mentality that she has and if that’s the case it most definitely is not my problem. I just want to be cordial with her but it doesn’t look like that’s what she wants. So perhaps I should completely ignore her when I see her from now on.
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Well that's stupid. And it rarely ever works.
I don't think she understands that what she actually said was, “You are not enough for me anymore. I want to see if I can find something better.” Very selfish and entitled. OP is better off without her.
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Doing it for Ego??…bzzzzz…WRONG ANSWER!. Time to leave OP
Maybe see a professional about whether 1-2 months is enough of a porn detox – if you’d been watching quite a bit then it may take longer than that to reset?
I think a key question is also whether you were ever attracted to her in that way or if something has shifted at some point.
My advice is to untangle whether is a problem that comes from your porn use or not. Then you can make a better decision.
There are great starter resources out there in the sex therapy space that can get you thinking about things in a different way. Might help you untangle things.
Also you can consider that our culture promotes certain sexual norms and it’s actually really ok if sex doesn’t occur to you that often. However the fact that you use porn and masturbate makes me think you do have a naturally strong sex drive.
Ultimately she deserves to be with someone who does have that oo ah ah sensation for her, and you also deserve to be with someone who excites you in that way (assuming that sex is important to both of you).
Long term relationships that lack physical attraction often end up in pretty sad places so if you think you’re just not that attracted to her then at your age I’d suggest moving on. I know sex is just one issue now but trust me when the attraction really wanes when one person still has a strong desire, you can end up in a pretty dead bedroom and it becomes THE issue, and takes up a lot of space.
The worst thing you could do is refuse it. He just has anxiety over it and there’s an extremely easy and simple way for you to fix it, by doing the test. If you aren’t cheating then you have nothing to worry about.
Question: Have you ever felt genuine sexual desire for someone else before? Not just 'I think they're attractive' but 'I think they're attractive and I want to have sex with them'. Or is it just with her that you're not sexually attracted?
I ask because asexual people can and do enjoy watching porn. They just don't want to engage with it.
Honey, you’re never going to talk him into suddenly wanting to move in with you and be attached at your hip. It’s not an “argument” that you can “win” by crowdsourcing opinions on the internet. This is about his feelings- he doesn’t want to live with you. You’re not compatible; move on.
For anyone reading this, if you are as squeamish as me, I recommend a bit comb. ? mayonnaise can also smother them.
Don’t put it in the baby maker unless you’re ready for a baby with this woman. Hope you both like anal.
Why should you reward him for bad behavior? Cheating and attempted suicide isn't exactly a shining example.
Once he cheated he ended the relationship. You owe him nothing.
I love the dog and she loves me. I have my own dog that his dog gets along with great. So I really am just puzzled!
Some form of morals and values to be forced upon other people.
That doesn’t mean I’m calling the entire concepts of moral and values gross. Or are you saying you can’t comprehend the concept of being a moral person without religion?
You're good…unless you come home to find her smeared in peanut butter calling out, “Here puppy, puppy!”
Case closed, time for ice cream.
First your mom needs to mind her own business, second I truly don't believe she knows this many people who have ever done this, as I don't know anyone in any of my circles who have even considered this. If you and your husband have already discussed this at great length, trust him, you're in the relationship with your husband, not your mom. If you're uneasy/anxious about what she has told you, communicate with your husband, and have a conversation about this. “My mom said ____ and it's making me feel ____. Is this something that you'd ever want over being truly child free?”
If you're not already in therapy I'd also suggest looking into that. ❤️
Do not engage with Ghost Spammer
You should expect a very similar reaction when your bf finally talks with her. It sounds like her overstepping boundaries and being overbearing is a consistent theme.
Don't be surprised if she cries all day and/or tries to get other family members to make you feel like you and bf are the bad guys. You don't have to be aggressive about it, but you need to be very firm in describing your boundaries and your bf needs to back you up 1000%. As other commenters mentioned, any wavering on either of your parts will result in no net change in her behavior.
My dad is exactly like this. I’m sorry to tell you that these people never ever change. The best you can do is tell him that his lectures are not appreciated and hope that every time you tell him he’ll stop. I (33M) honestly try as very hot as humanly possible not to be the same way with my wife/kid, though I’m sure many years with him has made some rub off on me.
You
Your talking about like your a criminal. You face it. You know what you saw? Your not the one who cheated. He is. Don’t be afraid of what they will say.
It sounds to me like he was keeping you on the back-burner in case things didn't work out with the 19-year-old… in that situation, I don't think it's the other girl I'd be upset with…
The smart play for you would have been cutting ties with this dude when he decided to be with the other girl.
What worries me most here is that, after your partner knowingly trampled your known boundaries during a sex act, your immediate response was to try and make it comfortable for them by turning your discomfort into some kind of joke. As though it was more important to minimise the damage that he might be feeling than advocate for your own bodily autonomy and sense of safety.
OP, your boundaries are in place for a reason, they matter for a reason; and when it's about our bodies, we absolutely have the right to be pissed when someone doesn't respect them.
In order for consent to be fulfilled it has to be FIRE- freely given, informed, revocable, and enthusiastic.
You are ALWAYS allowed to withdraw consent at any time. If someone tries to shame you or punish you because of this, then they aren't fit to be having sex with you in the first place. I hope you can love yourself enough to get away from this person. Because this kind of punitive behaviour through emotional manipulation only escalates as time goes on.
The shipping isn't the problem, whatever you want you can just take it all into the UPS Store they will box it all together and send it there in 3 days or faster if you want. More expensive than boxing yourself but they will do it no issue.
If you ship the knife just already have it still packaged in the box it came in without the image of it showing. If they ask what it is just tell them it's a knife and that you want to declare/insure it. It won't get lost or held up.
Pretty sure they just mean because you had to do something to get them like maintain a certain academic standing where as that isn't always the case with grants.
Why are you blaming yourself? His emotional unavailability is his own responsibility. If he is in denial of his mental issues and not willing to get vulnerable with you, or at least seek out support from other sources like a therapist – then that is how it is. You can’t fix him or change him, he has to want to change. And if he doesn’t see a problem and doesn’t want to change, then your only choices are to accept that your bf is going to be closed off to you or you move on.