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Patricia, 42 y.o.
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Date: October 8, 2022
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Stop spending a lot of money on gifts and then expect expensive gifts in return. Gifts shouldn't be an exchange system. You should give gifts because YOU WANT to. Stop giving gifts until you can stop expecting things in return. You say you are not materialistic, but mate, you are.
With that said, it absolutely sucks that he doesn't put any thought into a gift while still getting you things.
In Canada we have actual apple juice, and then we have both alcoholic and non-alcoholic cider. Cider for me here is usually a naked spiced apple juice basically! (I don’t drink)
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Make small goals and make a pointed effort to meet them. Put them on paper or a calendar and gradually increase the kind of goal..from getting out of bed at a certain time or cleaning an area of your place or growing a plant. See how you feel after and if you feel good keep going but if you still feel rotten on the inside you might need some help. Even with all the effort if our brains are missing something we gotta get help. Hang in there, take it step by step and keep moving forward.
He could’ve fought to keep custody of OP. It seems like he makes the most money out of those 2 so he probably could’ve had, at least, some custody. Fixing your mistakes is cool, hiding it? Just making more mistakes.
Are you guys dating? Is it exclusive? If so, and after she was open about their history, why don't you trust her word?
That said, she has feelings for him. Maybe it's best to talk with her about that. Those feelings need to go, and she needs to distance herself from him to do that. You cannot tell her to do that, I guess you could suggest some space from him, but it's her call.
Your call is to consider if this relationship is for you, whatever its nature.
Marinara flags all around.
Lying by omission is still lying. This is a huge deal and she should have said something before they had sex.
Y'all are acting like I'm demanding her to stop. I feel like had I lied about the age gap this would be a different conversation. Thanks for any actual advice on approaching a conversation.
I guess if this were to happen to my husband and I, I’d be trying to figure out who wants us to not be together so bad that they’d go to such great lengths to tear us apart so that I can make sure they’re no longer in our life.
Get him to admit it via text.
I.e. “Why do you want to kill me and my family if I refuse to marry you? That's really scaring me. It's abusive and I'm scared of you now…” Etcetera
Under non-parental conditions people who got married too young can just divorce and write it off as “youthful indiscretion”. But when you have a kid there's a third person involve who's reliant on both of you and will suffer if you can't make it work. So try some marriage counseling before you decide to split permanently. Maybe you can come to some compromises or maybe you can't. But you owe it to your child to at least try.
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You do now.
He says he just hates being around people he has never met before but I definitely think he has social anxiety and just won’t accept that it’s an issue. He works from home too so it’s naked to get him out at all. I’ve finally negotiated 2 morning walks a week and he has started going to the gym. I feel sad that he also won’t see his own friends, who I know he likes but who he now says annoy him.. if we were rich I would get him to therapy but alas I have 15 quid to my name
I've heard that, but I know of a guy that said he had a low libido but watched porn regularly and paid for cam girls.
In that case, is it really low libido or just not interested in having sex with the other person?
FOLLOW YOUR GUT. He’s trouble and can’t communicate. Bullet dodged.