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Date: October 23, 2022
If they wanted to, they would….
You’re the judgmental 24 year old virgin who thinks he can do better than a 23 year old with a past.
Enjoy your morals and fedoras.
Wanna break it off and be the good guy?
Here’s a suggestion:
Follow the advice on cameras and removing valuable stuff AND departing for the 30 days after you file an eviction. As you’re driving away, call her parents and let them know what’s happened. You do not owe them an explanation.
Since it’s Christmas, give her $4000 and a dog/puppy/cat/kitten/distraction that demands attention/affection. Write a letter saying the $ is for an apartment and whatever else you’d like to say to her. It’s up to her how she is to spend the $ after that. Basically build a safety net without you in it for her to fall away in.
Go no contact and be prepared to get a restraining order.
You’re out of options. Do something or lose your sanity.
If not married, I would set a goal ex. 15% of incomes and map out what that looks like. From their work hard and hold each other accountable. Once married or moved in together combine household incomes to meet goals. Good luck
We are not in the “bugs in the kitchen” territory, fortunately. Just in “we don't mind storing clothes in this chair” territory. And i understand the resentment part very much. I had a partner who expected me to have the dinner ready every day when he got back from work cause i was home, also working, but it didn't count cause i was in the vicinity of the kitchen anyway.
Seeing anyone else as in a other therapist? No, I only see the one. And as I said, we have been talking about Xanax for a bit, but I am not on it yet.
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I [21F] recently met up with a friend [30M] of mine with whom I used to have sex with in the past. He spent the night at my place and even though we have not talked for a while, I did expect us to have sex that evening, as that is what we used to do before.
However, when we met up he told me he had a girlfriend for some time and that they are currently living together.
We were intimate together anyways and I felt so shitty the day after I told him I regret it and that I do not want our friendship to continue. We have not been in contact since. He told me his gf does not know where he spent the night.
I only know her first name, I don’t even have him on social media (anymore), but I guess if I did some digging I would be able to find her on facebook or something.
Should I tell her? Should I ask him if he told her? Should I leave it be?
Tl;dr: A man cheated on his girlfriend with me and I don’t know if I should stalk her out to tell her.
I’m convinced he has never fully been faithful to you throughout the whole relationship (wether it was emotional or physical smh )
Stone cold Steve Austin this situation. This is called house squatting and is way more common than you think. A family member or friend falls on naked times you take them in temporarily and they never move out. In some cases they start selling drugs out of your house “to make ends meet”.
Good luck with this. My suggestion is harden your heart stay frosty find somewhere else to live! and when you do give notice to the landlord and don't tell her where you are moving.
This is very mean but she has made the situation untenable. If she asked for help but was polite and respectful it could be different. This type of scene will mess you up big time when it comes to relationships.
Also, don't feel obligated to continue on dating him because big things already happened. You're young and one mistake, such as this, shouldn't dictate your future. Rather learn from it and continue with your life with the knowledge you learned.
Alright thank you, i think thats what i had in my head already, but i just needed to hear it from someone else to really believe it. Thank you
I understand, I did nothing wrong to the community ?.
When she left with no option to schedule the events during the winter, I helped her to arrange a space, with a contract in my name. When no one showed up to help her with helping to arrange game, I was there always for her and the community :(.
Now, just because of her personal reasons, rejecting from the game group as well makes me VERY HURTFUL ??.
I feel it is VERY UNFAIR treatment towards me, on top of that doing silent treatment over a month. I feel I deserve a response.
Please encourage him to get tested for sleep apnea. All through my childhood, my dad snored so loudly you could hear it upstairs with the door closed. Now and then, he'd kind of stop breathing, snort, then start up again. He now uses a CPAP machine, which delivers a steady, pressurized flow of air while he sleeps. And the machine is far quieter than the snoring!
Sleep apnea is linked to increased risk of cardiovascular issues like high blood pressure, increased risk of metabolic syndrome and Type II diabetes, and is associated with liver damage. It may also cause fatigue, irritability, and increase in appetite/weight gain.
Ew he's gross. I got pink eye too because some guy didn't wash his hands. I'm not going to date someone who puts laziness over health. Dump that loser.
Thank you. Ill give it my best.
Lol what? You brought this upon yourself. Did you ever think about how your actions can reflect poorly upon your actions? Why are you showering at his brothers house and why tf was his brother in a towel? I’d think you’re a cheater too.
How has she tried to fix things with you except for the birth certificate and last name?
Why did it take two weeks for her to accept your proof that the girl was lying?
“guys chopping their dicks off” reminded me so much of my ex-boyfriend I had to do a double take.
I really don't understand conservatives' obsession with trans people, or why they take such offense to them.
It's not that it's unwelcome, I do have the same feelings, I would like for us to be able to explore dating and I have been direct with this and told him my feelings but the problem is that when he expressed his feelings and I want to talk about it further to see if something could happen he then shuts down and won't tell me why
Has anything changed with you and him? Have you checked her social media? The better you are friends with her the easier it is to have an affair with her. Tell him that you are uncomfortable with his relationship with her and you feel that he has feelings for her and you want to know if he wants to be with her. Ask him flat out who he wants to be with you or her. IMO, they are more than friends and he's deleting texts between them, I would also show up to his work unannounced and take him to lunch just you and him, and if he invites her ,tell him no thanks and walk away. He's into her way more than a co-worker. I also would have a bag packed and the next time he's on the phone with her at night I would walk out (let him see you leave) and not say one word to him. He's a walking RED FLAG
She is stringing them along because she likes the attention. Those are not her friends, they are guys who are just hanging on to hope that she will change her mind. As far as not telling them she has a BF because she knows they will vanish, well that is the point! I would have a problem with her not telling them. She is keeping them on the side in case it goes south with you so she doesn't have to be alone for one second. It would be time for her to make a decision and it is clear she has not chosen you.
There is no 100% way to know, but that's where you need to be observant. And leave at the first sight of a truly red flag. Because red flags seldom come alone, and they rarely shrink, either.
God, I hope it is. Because if it's not HONEY WHAT IS YOU DOING?
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I think you bring up valid points. I imagine if asked about it they will likely find excuses for supporting her but not me. I guess the risk in bringing it up is potentially back tracking on the progress we’ve made. The risk in not bringing it up is further resentment. Either way, it’s still really hard for my sister and I to get along due to the dysfunctional family dynamic.
Thank you so much for this. This is the approach I'm going to take. While I was hurt, I still thanked him for telling me, and said I'd rather know.
Tell her you want to see the pictures, and you want to see the conversations between her and this guy, and if she deleted them you're going to assume the worst possible answer. Any road blocks on this and I'm telling her my trust in her is completely gone and I'll be seeing a divorce attorney Monday.
Basically looks sketchy as fuck and I'm choosing this as my hill to die on relationship wise.
She has 3 choices.
She fucked up and she can't show you because she knows you'll flip.
She didn't do anything wrong but refuses to make it right/ transparent or she's oblivious to how this looks and she'll choose stubbornness as her hill to die on.
She says fuck you're right this doesn't look right and I'm sorry to have made you worry I'll get the pictures and you can check my phone to make sure you're happy.
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Uh…. which of you is the 30yo hanging around a 21 yo?
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You’re right… hate it but I know this is the right advice
It does mean one thing only if she asked that’s all and he made super clear THAT IS ALL. Take your first sentence and apply it to his wife. She didn’t care about how her pushiness made him feel. So if her pushing him for sex made him cry does your opinion still stand? Because all I’m hearing is that she cried so he’s in the wrong and should be the one to fix it when she caused the situation and then spent the rest of the night throwing a fit. You say it’s fine for him to reject her but she didn’t accept it. That’s when she got upset because the man just wanted a damn sandwich.
You don’t get to get upset with someone because they didn’t respond to something they didn’t ask for the way you wanted. And you can sympathize with her but not him because you wouldn’t want to be rejected for sex. Then like her, maybe figure out how to self-reflect and approach your relationship issues calmly instead of ruining your partner’s bday (who now feels just as hurt and neglected by you INTENTIONALLY sleeping in another room). It isn’t that deep to understand that his bday was not the day for her to act like that if she really wanted it to be a nice bday. Bottom line.
Uhh is it?
So… you have issues that literally are out of your conscious control… and your “partner” made you feel bad about it, shamed you, made you apologize and somehow made you promise to never let it happen again?… wow, some support you got there.
Seems like your partner is the problem here…
Y’all need to communicate about your relationship. This is a form of cheating.
I have to assume your sex life has slowed down.
Has he not been attentive to your needs?
Typically before things lead to snooping and lack of sex, there are plenty of reasons why that just don’t get communicated.
Things just keep dulling away until people start acting out.
There’s a level of attentiveness required for a successful relationship.
You have to sit down with him and communicate in a healthy way.
I think you're wasting your time and feeding your own insecurities by asking if your girlfriend is settling.
What you should instead be focusing on is your overall compatibility and whether you actually feel good being in the relationship, and based on your post and your reiteration here that the relationship is making your self esteem worse, I would guess that's not the case.
To be fair, I'm keeping the 2 jobs – trying to save up and still am taking care of my father. Hahah.
It's definitely a one sided relationship, and everything else you've said is basically on point. On the boundaries side of things I think there's definitely a way where I'm far too stern with her, or my delivery on what I'm looking for is too intimidating. Someone early said I shouldn't be worried about controlling her emotions. That's fair, but I still think the course of action is to just be myself and talk to her normally. Set these boundaries and expectations, and see what she can do. If she doesn't take to any of this then it can be over.
Thank you for this, a lot of good stuff I can think on.
She’s a chest, which you know spreads. Break up with her. Before the trip. You don’t owe her peace of mind while she cheats on you. Plus, it will free her up completely to take the trip single.
Cheating isn't a mistake. It's a choice.
Have you ever eaten kbbq? What he did is 100% normal how you're supposed to eat kbbq.
I desperately hope this is a troll, because if not, I fear for ops safety.
He handcuffed you to a bed against your will. He HANDCUFFED you to a bed AGAINST YOUR WILL and left you alone to scream until you were exhausted. Op, he kept you PRISONER because you dared to do something he didnt agree with.
Please, please listen to me.. people can be incredibly good at hiding their true nature until its too late. Then theyll start out doing small things, things that you know are wrong but that you can dismiss. They convince you that theyre in the right and make you think youre coming to that conclusion on your own, by telling you that theyre sorry, by framing things as 'well I understand that x upset you, but I had to do it for your own good', by pretending that theyll respect how you feel. You start to convince yourself that, maybe, you really are overreacting. Their behaviour ramps up over time, ever so slowly – you might not even realise at first.
This is how my mother ended up living in a house in the countryside, no friends, no job, unable to drive and having cut off her entire family. My father abused her for years, until he almost let my brother die from meningitis and she realised just how screwed up his behaviour had been. Abuse doesnt start out how it does in movies, not always. Please, please be careful.
Not true at all, residency spots in US are limited. It’s much harder for international med school grads to match, especially in more competitive programs.
My husband teaches residents, and he has had some international grads who have more experience than him but they had to redo their whole residency. Plus residency is brutal
Sometimes you don't get sauce. Sometimes you have to live! with that.
Oh this would be a reasonable choice.
Honey, you don’t need your parents! You need a support system and can lean on other more realistic family members or friends. It’s not easy, but you can do this without your parents approval. Unless they held a gun to your head, they didn’t force you. You chose to be obedient. You don’t have too.
I tooooootally empathize with that but yes, it will get you in hard water. You’re doing better than I did/do and at least asking for an outside perspective so you aren’t too far gone. It sucks but the project guys always disappoint
The only thing you can do is communicate with him. If after that he still can't see how this affects you, then you should reconsider the relationship.
Ex girlfriend
This is a non negotiable and if she doesn’t understand why she’s not a keeper
Mine didn't because she was cheating on me with one of the other servers and no one knew she was in an actual relationship
Oh look, it’s the pixie cut troll.
Aren’t you bored yet?
A 27 year old with 2 kids dating a 21 year old.
There isn’t any way to know her reaction until you have a conversation.
Is there another reason you can suggest the trip? I would love to surprise you with a trip for our six month anniversary. I will tell you the dates and what you should pack for. Then it is a surprise until we get to the airport? Some would love that; others will hate it.
Or do you know someone who could “gift” you FF miles for her ticket?
But I think there is a larger danger lurking here. You are both generous and but only you have financial means to do so in that way. She isn’t used to that. But, more than that, you likely value money differently. You might see three nights at $400 a night as a fun splurge; she might that as her food budget for several months. She might feel like she is taking advantage of you, etc.
The thing is.. I was injured last month and had to take a lot of time off work.. I wasn't injured at work so no workers comp. At the time of injury (boxing day) i was completely broke from Christmas and had 10$ to my name and didnt have the full 40$ for a doctors note to collect EI sick benefits…. series of unfortunate events I suppose, if he leaves I lose my home.. so there's that as well.. I just went back to work on Friday, rent is due shortly and I won't make it as my payday is a week after.. and 1 check does not cover the full rent. I'm afraid I won't be able to keep my home, once I have enough for the full amount it will be due again and I'll be short a second time. So I do not know what to do in this situation.. let him stay until he finds something else or kick him out and potentially end up packing my things as well.. This is probably the shittiest situation I've had in quite a long time.
I’ve just seen you’re other comment about how texts other girls… RUN. I promise you probably feel he is all you deserve. But you deserve someone who worships the ground you walk on.
Always chose an animal over a SO animal will be loyal and loving till the end
Fml why are you still with him… you deserve better.
Yeah, OK, stop calling him “baby daddy” and “ex”,that's not what he is.
Honestly grief is rough and 3 years isn't that long. That's not to day she isn't ready to date, she probably is, but you have to bear in mind she will be affected by this for the rest of her life.
She still loves him and that's OK.
She will grieve him in one way or another for the rest of her life. That's OK too.
Whether you're old enough and mature enough to da with it is another matter.
Tell him to present his facts since he's so sure of himself
Either that or he had sex with the 21 year old on the trip and realized that's all he wanted from her, and now wants OP back. Super scummy either way
It's hurtful and I'm sorry this has happened to you.
Next time, bc there will be a next time, Tell her move to a top floor apartment and to not speak to you anymore, then shut the door.
do you want to deal with a covert narcissist for the rest of your life? is she truly is one, she will make it hard on both of you as long as you’re around.
No. He flat out said you are not the one. If you want to be married, you need to find someone who thinks you are the right one.
She was just dancing and having a fun time, she didn't want to be hit on. You should have gotten the hint when she left the first time you tried to dance with her. Woman will dance with other woman because we know, for the most part, that it's all in good fun and we're safe. We can dance and let loose with someone and not have to worry about “leading them on”. Typically, can't do that with men.
Good God no
Read your other posts and have no clue why you are so desperate to get back together with him. He sounds awful. Just walk away and get some therapy if you still find yourself wanting to talk to him
You don’t. You move on. Don’t messenger. If you’re gonna date, get comfortable with ambiguity and no closure.
It probably doesn't feel as satisfying because it's not the real thing. My wife and I before we got married had a LDR. I'd go see her every so often, but for the times we were apart we'd try some stuff over the phone. She was never into it because it wasn't the same as being together. When I'd go visit her and we'd do it for real, it was so much better. Even if it didn't last that long. It was more personal as we could actually touch each other. IRL sex is so much better. I wouldn't even worry about it.
Youd be better off on your own. I cant imagine being where you are. My husband is my biggest supporter and has a ton of empathy and respect for me. Birth was the most traumatic experience for me and my daughter had colic and i have no idea what i would do with an unsympathetic jerk like this. He needed this reality check and if he brings up the having more children subject tell him you lost alp desire to carry more children for him when he gave you no support and only stress through this time. If he wants another he can push it out his ass.
Maybe 5 seconds
I lived away from my family for many years. When I moved back in 2016, my twin sister would get emotionally elevated pretty regularly. And once elevated, she processed everything incorrectly. There was just no way to get through to my normal sister. I slowly began mentioning this to her, but only when she was in a safe space. I also noticed she didn’t get a lot of positive feedback, and started to be verbal about what a great person she is, and she really is! Funny and smart and insightful and caring, I could go on! It’s been at least a year or more since she got emotionally elevated, she’s really improved herself in confidence and self awareness. I tell you this because we’re 55 fucking years old. It takes years to make what is learned in therapy a part of who you are.
She’s emotionally elevated. You stood firm. That’s really hard to do. And good for you. You can’t see this now, but it’s likely the best thing you could have done for her. When being crazy emotional doesn’t work, and eventually the emotions deflate, there’s a part of her that will wonder about her part in it. A good therapist will confirm it wasn’t just you. It’ll become a part of her moving forward.
she belongs to the streets my guy – the least she could do is act the same way with you and you guys can at least be kinky fuck buddies, but with all the double standard bullshit and not giving you the same treatment shes even worse – highly manipulative if you ask me and you need to dump that asap
That sounds amazing honestly!
I agree. OP is making this a way bigger issue. We have friends like this. One recently bought a vacation house and we haven’t been invited, but In our group of friends it’s more Customary to invite yourself.
In just reading the title, I thought: Bill Clinton would agree with your husband. But Ken Starr and most of America would not.
It is true that an orgasm will release a lot of tension. But so will a good cry, a ( non sexual) massage, or even jogging. But it is illegal in most of the US for a massage therapist to give you an orgasm as part of a massage. Because it's sexual.
Why do you need him to be there when you take a pee stick pregnancy test.
A relationship without honesty is nothing. You owe him the truth, so you did the right thing. But also it's now up to him to decide if he wants to continue in a relationship with you. He has every right to want to end things, moving on from infidelity is hard and often fails or ruins a relationship. What you had before you may never get back.
If this ends the relationship accept that and learn from what you did, grow and be better. There is always room to grow and be better even if your relationship continues, but don't expect it to be easy.
LimitlessMegan is 100% AND you yourself say that you “feel cautious”. Think about the people in your life that you love…do you feel “cautious” about them? Please, trust your instincts here. If you want something temporary and fun, it sounds like you have it. If you want something lasting and reciprocal, it may be time to move on.
Then get the ball rolling on that. Talk to an attorney and set things in motion. There is no saving this. She has made it abundently clear she is not interested in an actual marriage. Its time to start closing this chapter.
And, in your country, talk to the attorney about other ways to disolve the marriage. Annulment or such. There might be loop holes for situations like this.
Controlling is a step on the road to abuse. And abuse isn’t always physical. So I’d be mindful of the non physical dynamics he’s cultivated and maybe read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft.
Cash money.
What does your gut tell you about the future. If someone had told you, “I want a big party” and the party is for their benefit, it's reasonable to consult them about details. Getting grumpy about being asked to help plan a wedding you didn't really want but he does says “football field of red flags” to me. This is likely to get worse if and when the planning continues.
I would ask him to visualise what he thinks married life will be like for you both. “it's not a trick question, I'm just wondering how you see it.”
Also, make sure the least favorite sheets are on the bed. Because oil can stain.
I'm not that kind of guy. Thank you though.
We don’t have any assets or even enough money to get a divorce lawyer so im think we might diy but lets see.
Oh, I'm sorry you're going through this. You've got to just talk to her about it. It will hurt, but just reassure her you're not leaving her alone with the baby. You don't have to be married to be parents. I do hope you continue to support her as much as you can, as she's going through so much being pregnant. But you're absolutely correct that getting married because of the baby isn't good, and that trying to force it will only make for an unhappy household for everyone (you, her, and kid). Best wishes to you and her, and I hope you all get through this okay. Proud of you for being honest with your dad and yourself. Now go be honest with her.
General advice: while you may like to solve an issue right there and then, not everyone operates like that and so your reaction to people dealing with conflict (differently than you) should not be getting angry and talking out of anger.
Tbh …. a really big parameter for me when dating is “how does he act when angry at others and how does he act when he's angry with me”. If my brother told me that you behaved the way that you did, I wouldn't like you either for my brother
I say that all to say that you need to work on your conflict resolution and dealing with anger. Saying things hurtful out of an anger is a no no.
Also, I understand that it sucks. A lot of times families only hear the bad things about someone's significant other and so they're not really given the chance.
In your case I think you need to decide whether he can go without venting to his family (create boundaries)
Or decide how important it is for your relationship that his family like you.
To recap:
Clean your own house, work on you. Create boundaries
Imagine being fluent in less than 1 language
My fiancé’s best friend works as a cook and regularly does cocaine and gets high and drunk every night playing video games when he comes home.
Just because you think you both are regular smokers doesn’t mean he ain’t doing more..
Sorry – I wasn’t asking how DNA tests work. DNA tests would be worthless if it showed every other human as related lol, it uses shared segments of dna (the segments which have variance for human dna)
I’m asking why/what percentage/how many shared segments it’s showing the father is related by. If OP doesn’t want to answer that it’s totally understandable, but anything >1% I’d be asking questions.
OP, please continue to consult doctors to rule out treatment that could restore your fertility.
Grow up, you helmet.
I'll break up if something actually happens. Like these emojis are taken too seriously… I get lots of these emojis from male platonic friends and even my boss. He sends me kisses and calls me hon. “Thanks for finishing the project hun ?….now I don't have to do it in the am hon” .. totally harmless. Sometimes people are just nice and don't mean it in the way you are thinking.
absolutely agree – i just found distilling it to “she can fend for herself” as overly harsh.
You don’t know that. Men will surprise you in the most horrific ways. Ask yourself why would he even tell you that? It’s because he wants to bring down your self esteem, he wants you to feel how you’re feeling now. All creepiness aside your bf should not be comparing you to other women. My ex used to do it to me and it really hurt but then I realized that he ain’t shit. This guy fucking sucks, I’m sorry
I agree my reaction was an over reaction. And like I said I did apologize to him for hanging up.
However it was just a video recorded of some kids at a lunch table and I highly doubt it was fake. It very well could have been though and I do understand that.
My issue isn’t that he thought the video was potentially fake, my issue was that he didn’t trust my judgement that it was most likely real. He literally said I had to be remembering it wrong. If this was a one time thing then okay it wouldn’t really be a big deal because you’re right, I don’t 100% know that it was real. This is a pattern though and there have been instances when I know for a fact that I am correct about something and he tells me I couldn’t possibly be right.
You just started dating and he's already being like this? ???
Maybe he wants to be on a break while you stay preoccupied with him and the relationship.?
So I smoked outside on the balcony but we both agreed that I would not do it. I pretty much understood at the time that she means the balcony as well. She had left for work and I thought I would smoke because she's not there and there is no way she will smell it 8 hours later. She came back because she forgot some files and saw me smoking outside. She got angry, left for work and told me it is over. I left the house at night since she had the keys to the other house and I left mine with my parents since they were visiting. It was an awkward dinner and then I left after taking my keys from her.
Ok.. was talking to op.. It was for the best. She had me bc dad didnt show to court. She never kept me from seeing him. I was happy till I got step parents. She got to continue doing what she loved. She didnt regret it.
I'd take it a step further and tell him not to see her, anyone who is friend with someone who is that rude is nasty too.. don't be with a nasty guy, he probably gets off on two fighting over him, breaking up is hard but worthwhile sometimes
Seek therapy. Frankly, I would level on him what I thought of shit he pulled. Better now than at the grave side. Let his family and friends know what a POS he is.
Has it been confirmed he is at stage 4? Did you hear the doctor say it yourself or did your husband say it. It may be his way out of the “I have cancer and I cheated” get out of jail card? Sorry to be cynical, but Reddit has jaded me.
Getting married just after one year and half at your twenties sounds like a big mistake. I would also be fucking worried if I was a parent
and either found porn or stumbled across it.
Me and her are similar in appearance(same hair color, same eye color, almost same height) about the body structure we defer: she's very thin while I have some muscles. The particular physical traits that the girl has is droopy eyes and big lips with are very similar characteristics to the girl in the video.
When we watch porn together there's usually a big variety. We don't search for a particular type of girl
A lot of people need alone time. I get mine by going to do my hobby or going for a walk or something. Cohabitating with a homebody can be hard. You basically have to get your alone time outside of the house.
I don't feel cool. I'm usually pretty calm and collected but fuck this is stressful I don't know how anyone does this …serial daters are out of their minds.
I don’t understand why you care so much about the opinion of an ex. Who cares if he perceives this as revenge or if he won’t forgive you. There’s nothing to forgive anyway. But don’t try and involve him in the pregnancy process. He’s made his views clear.
he’s not your dream guy anymore.
sadly, it’s time to move on.
sending love
I honestly hope you confess. The other comments offer sympathy and blame Jake even if they do admit you have fault, but to be honest, I’m find it incredibly difficult to have sympathy for you. Jake is obviously in the wrong. Incredibly and very, very inappropriate. But the decision to cheat is yours as well. Given how the other comments on this post have been sympathetic, I highly expect this to be heavily downvoted. The weirdest part is that among my friends I’m well known for being incredibly empathetic towards people who are wrong, but I can’t find it in me to do so right now. I don’t doubt in your separation, your husband is also at fault, but without details, I can’t judge his role. However, the fact that you need to ask other people whether you should tell your husband you cheated tells me what I need to know about your decency.
I’m genuinely sorry you were treated that way. Jake took advantage of the power dynamic. And he is rotten and disgusting. But that doesn’t lessen your own blame. This wasn’t one mistake, unlike what one comment said. You continued this for several months. You chose to do this. You advanced your relationship with him again and again. This was a choice, many, many choices. I’m sure I’m going to be absolutely roasted for this because how harsh I’m being. But you chose to continue this relationship for months. While Jake disgusts me more, you disgust me as well. I don’t care if I’m being judgmental. As many flaws as I have, I know I could never be like you. If I do someday, then I deserve everything that’s coming to me.
If I was riding with anyone and they pulled that, I wouldn't get in their vehicle again. It's ugly behaviour that is coated with red flags.
So sorry that all of that happened to you. You might want to look up CPTSD. And try to find a therapist that understands complex trauma.
But he is claiming he did not do anything else with anyone and that it might’ve been a false negative because not enough time had passed for the test to detect the STD. I want to believe him but I am not sure what to think.
So sorry that all of that happened to you. You might want to look up CPTSD. And try to find a therapist that understands complex trauma.
There are lots of reasons someone might do this. Some better than others. If you're interested, you might as well overlook it and just try texting her. If she doesn't want to answer, she won't. Not much to lose at this stage.
There are lots of reasons someone might do this. Some better than others. If you're interested, you might as well overlook it and just try texting her. If she doesn't want to answer, she won't. Not much to lose at this stage.
I wish that was an actual option. Honestly. If I could just live far away I would
I wish that was an actual option. Honestly. If I could just live! far away I would
I’m guessing that overthinking might lead me to ruining my relationship, cause it is for some reason hard to not think about the past and get hurt once in a while.
Thanks, but should i say anything to her?
“Step 1: go to a therapist and focus on your issues before projecting them onto your gf.”
This! And all of it!
Well can you pay rent? If you can, then move into your own house and do what you want how you want.
If not, then you should be asking your parents what you should do, not reddit.
That being said, them simply wanting to talk to your partner seems like a big compromise from them – and while they'd rather you not engage in your behaviour, they seem to be willing to work with you and him to make sure you are both safe.
Have him watch the Friends episode where Ross and Rachel were on a break.
A promise ring isn’t going to secure your relationship
Move on and find a girl who treats you with right. Continuously blocking and unblocking a person is not only disrespectful but it leaves you with no chance to talk through problems and give your side of the story. As for the religion part, it’s tricky to find someone who is willing to convert and if she’s already indecisive about it now then trust me it won’t get better in the future. I think you are better off giving your love and attention to a girl who won’t constantly zig-zag with your emotions and feelings.
If you don’t tell him then you’ll break up and possibly regret it for the rest of your life.
If you do tell him then maybe he’s feeling the same and you have a chance.
You have nothing to lose by telling him.
There probably having at least an emotional affair
Thanks for your reply, I really appreciated your perspective in this! Having fun for both parties is pretty much the main basis I'm focusing on mostly in these dates. Also I'm really trying to make sure that I'm not taking advantage of others as much as I can, hence the question I'm asking. But good point, taking things slow is definitely what I'll most likely need to do. But I also feel at one point, I'll also need to take the initiative to be committed in it, as it would be unfair for the others.
I'm hoping on top comment here to let you know what she's doing, by giving you the silent treatment and stonewalling you, is abusive and not acceptable. Do not let others make you feel like this behavior is justified bc women can feel inadequate to porn.
Yall need to sit down and have a frank discussion about what happened and what's happening in the future. You also need to let her know that the sheer amount of time it's taken her to “process” is not ok. Honestly, I would learn how to tell her that her behavior is abusive and not something you'll tolerate moving forward; she's a woman in her 30s who needs to learn how to communicate.
Maybe not cheating per se, but it's certainly disturbing that she sought comfort and distraction from her ex when the two of you had a fight. Surely she has other friends she could have texted for emotional support and a fun night out, if she felt she needed a social outlet after your fight. It's even more of a red flag that she's been talking to him regularly without letting you know (unless she assumes you've been checking her phone all along), and she deleted the entire text thread about going to his show.
You need to confront her about this, obviously. Don't try to trap her into confessing, just tell her straight-out that you saw their convos in her phone. No worries about snooping, since you both had open access by agreement. Ask her to please explain to you why she chose to run back to her ex for emotional support after your fight, while claiming she was completely over him.
Either you are equal or your not. Grab my girls hair and take her to the ground you are going going to be removed from her, without much regard to your safety or well being.
Sweetie, there is no such thing as a fair fight.
Freaking tell him
Do you know how much of an asshole move it is to be I would feel the same way but I still do it anyway.
Plus hell if you are going to marry him it should be a no brainer to dump the friend.
I didn’t take her side actually. I said that neither of them should even want to be going through each others phone. That’s unhealthy trust issues that needs to be worked out between the two of them.
I did say that it sounds like his wife is making the right call after everything he listed. So I guess you could count that as me taking her side, but ultimately it sounds like they both have issues. But he writes journal entries about divorcing her, watches porn he can’t share with his wife, and shit talks her to all of his friends. So much so that he doesn’t want her to see the conversations.
I’m not only using my past experiences, I’m also imagining myself doing any of these things to my husband. And I can’t. I love and respect my husband dearly, I don’t run to everyone I know every time we have a disagreement or conflict, I don’t shit talk him, I don’t ever speculate about divorcing him, and most importantly I don’t hide anything from him. I don’t say anything to anyone else, including my journal, that I wouldn’t also say directly to my husband.
So, I stand by what I said. They both have trust and communication issues and should probably seek out therapy if they want to fix this marriage.
Nope you don’t know what a red flag is. It means you two are sexually incompatible. It doesn’t mean she’s abusive or bad. Also because I can literally tell that you probably haven’t ever HAD the opportunity to date two people non exclusively at once so of course you see it as threatening or “ devaluing “. Like if in your relationship ( not even because again in this situation y’all wouldn’t even BE exclusive yet wtf ) the sex is so bad you’re worried someone else will win them over then that’s insecurity. I also think you’re being a massive hypocrite to somehow claim you were just talking about difference in compatibility which is literally just what I said.