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Date: March 25, 2023
I do think I should and I will hopefully. thank you!
I do think I should and I will hopefully. thank you!
Tell. Once you are set up for your divorce, tell her. You two might be able to share notes and help each other.
Why are you not on the phone with the police after she stole your car??
Thank you, upon reading all these comments I agree, as much as it is uncomfortable I believe you are right and an open discussion about it is best for us all, much appreciated.
Like, the thing about being 19 is that you're young until you're not. Eventually you're going to have a more “serious” job — and even if not, that minimum wage you're pulling is gonna be a hell of a lot more important in holding your life together. You can be in horrible shape and eat like shit at 19 and never experience serious fatigue, back pain, or have the word “hangover” in your vocabulary. That changes big time, and weight will pile on as well even if you continue to eat exactly the same, which will exacerbate everything else.
I don't even know if OP is comprehending how bad this relationship is for her. We all want to see our partners be able to relax, especially if they're very serious, rules-oriented, or neurotic in some ways. But you guys are so young that the serious harm isn't visible yet, even if you are already experiencing sluggishness and have begun drinking. It can get so much worse.
Every day, you, OP, are making a choice to be with this guy and framing his attempts to harm you as “admiration.” (Please don't think I'm saying “harm” as in he's physically abusing you, not trying to be dramatic or derail because he's not — but you've told him these things make you feel crappy and no one believes drinking can't be addictive or bad for you). It sounds like maybe your view of the situation is skewed due to loneliness and not having much experience, especially because you weren't happy and didn't feel productive before him. That's ok. You're 19. So I'll make it clear: being alone on your laptop is actually better than actively doing things just as wasteful of time but with other elements added, and there are actually other people you could try to meet and have healthier experiences with.
If he wanted you to relax, the best things he could do is offer support while you're busy (need an errand run? Need a healthy snack?), make his environment comfortable for you to be in (idk his living situation, I'm not gonna say he should make you a fancy dinner or draw you a bath if he's living with family or a bunch of other guys, but at least make sure his room is clean and he has food you like in the home), or planning specific date nights where you will put all work and study stress aside and just chill (maybe you pick a movie, keep things low key, if you need to vent about anything then he listens). Honestly, just talking you through stressors where it's obvious you're putting too much pressure on yourself is often enough imo, even if you still continue to have that pressure — articulating it can do a lot and get you thinking straight for the time being at least.
He's not trying to help you relax. He's trying to change you. And it's working.
Is your girlfriend overweight?
I had the gestational diabetes really bad (it’s diabetes you get during pregnancy – so not in any way as a result of diet). I had blurry vision sometimes. I had to manage my diet and test my blood sugars.
Noone needed to care for me during this time. It was my responsibility.
It’s possible to reverse the type 2 diabetes through diet and exercise.
If your girlfriend won’t manage her diet and exercise and she’s developed the beehive as a result – then that isn’t going to be her only problem in the future. In which case you absolutely need to leave.
There popular drugs on the market that help people lose weight are actually intended for people with diabetes – but people are taking them to lose weight.
Your girlfriend should not be needing you to care for her with a type 2 beeties diagnosis.
Tom Hanks has the type 1 diabetes. He has been working at an extremely high level for decades.
Given that most people don't want to be seen as the villain in their own stories, I think that you are probably being vague about this “kinda vague” result to the exclusivity talk. You know damn well that she will be hurt.
So two choices;
tell her and let the chips fall where they may.
If there is no chance of her ever finding out, suck it up, and never tell another soul what you've done and hope she never finds out.
I did not even read your whole post. Absolutely yes! Why not? Do you want to listen to that for the rest of your life? Next thing you know she'll be calling your pets her fur babies. And that would make ME absolutely insane. Your mileage may vary. why bother to marry someone if you can't tell them to quit calling you a creepy nickname. Settle in. You'll have more controversial shit than that to talk about soon.
Your husband only wants you to have a happiness he envisions and approves of. Seeing you happy on your own accord is what is making him so unhappy. He can’t control this and it’s killing him.
Buddy you get full say here. It's *YOUR* parents' property and *YOU* pay the rent. She lost all rights.
I think I’m confused … because I look at him and I’m like wow he’s so different. He doesn’t treat me like my past exes did where they wanted to control me and abuse me and cheat on me. But instead he tries so show the best part of me and wants me to be happy and I’m the one that brings her up …. Like I feel like a bitch but fuck like idfk why the fuck I can’t mature and be like yea she’s just a friend… but bc of the nature and the way she acted that night I just can’t be friends w her nor I don’t want my bf being near her
This and to add, being healthy is a commitment to you and the kids, as well as himself.
Also in time, you’ll likely come to accept him more in this shape. Meanwhile, all the above is a great list to enjoy going thru!
Exactly. OP he doesn't have a problem with this. He's the cause of it all. He won't tell her no. You trying to set boundaries for him with her will backfire on you. You'll come across as jealous and controlling. Just because it worked for one person on here, doesn't mean it's the way to go. He has to change his behavior. You can either give him a chance or end it.
Your fiance is allowed to end a relationship with you. Even if you don't want to , of don't understand her reasons. That is her choice and that is what she's telling you. Please listen to her. If it's too hot for you accept, then talk it out with your family, friends, or professional therapist, but please let her be.
I'm not even going to focus on your ages. You're both, in my opinion, way too young to be engaged or married.
Also, I don't understand the timeline. Your gf graduated from HS and got most of her BSn in one year, while maintaining a high GPA?
Exactly just do the test for OP's own knowledge
Why live in he said she said land when facts are so easy to obtain
You have no idea how long this is going to take. You are 18. You should be meeting new people and making connections, not hanging on to a tiny possibility with her.
It's not going to work with her, that sucks but that's life. Dating is about trying people out, seeing if it works, and moving on if it doesn't – not dating someone and when it doesn't work waiting for them to completely change as a person. People really don't change that much, especially in a short period of time.
Honestly, no. I didn’t understand the gravity and depth of power play and playing on inexperience.
Just going off of your two examples…
1) I think that if your behavior while traveling were the real issue, he’d decline the trips you plan. I think he’s using you as an excuse. I don’t like traveling with nervous fliers who freak out about every little thing but if that’s how someone is, I wouldn’t take ANY trip with them, not just not initiate trips myself.
2) okay so he hates that word. ?♀️most people I know can choose their speech/words based on the situation.
I dunno. I don’t see either of those things being critical. But if you feel like he’s constantly asking you to be someone you’re not then…date someone else who takes you as you are. People aren’t projects. Sure, we can ask a partner to make some minor changes here or there—like my partner now recycles and he folds the towels so they fit the shelving we have. But I’m not asking for a personality change.
It's been only 3 days and I'm miserable already. I really don't know how did you waited for 31 days. I respect your patience. I breakdown every morning trying to get him to talk. Tried mildly, today aggressively. He has same answers, “I've no issue” and now “i don't want to talk to you, get lost”. Pls understand, I'm not a saint. I shout. I hit him today (he hit me back). I m going to apologise for hitting, no matter what. I'm no saint. I become the bad guy coz I initiate the talks, shouting and what not. I don't want to be the bad guy. I hate myself right now. What I've become, it shouldn't be it for me.
You definitely should. As you mentioned you work out regularly so hormones could very possibly be the issue.
No it's not a boundary. Telling the other person how they should express love is not a boundary.
This sounds exactly like my wildly abusive ex, also almost 38, but like, down to that line “are you done being dumb”. He used to call me back or come into wherever I was literally hiding from him(closets, under bathroom counters, behind laundry and an open cabinet door ffs), and it was 50/50 if he'd come after me, or kick me in the shin because I was ignoring him and containing myself and ask “You fuckin done?” If he really wanted to manipulate me it was the sweetest voice asking “ya done bein dumb? Ya fkn done now? heh ?”
When in doubt, don't be afraid to ask them, “Hey, how can I help? I suck at social cues, but I want to be there for you.”