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Date: December 17, 2022
True but it's the lesser of two evils. I agree though, it shouldn't even be about who is shit for xxx it should be about opening up and discussing what on earth is going on. They're both no saints but the main topic of concern is his partner lying, and keeping provocative media of her ex. As I said, needing comfort once is forgivable and even understandable, trust issues are present clearly, it's not like he's actively snooping, invading or stalking her privacy, he did something stupid to comfort himself once and he found what he was looking for, essentially.
But I do hope they both realise this will be hot to move past, and you'll always have the lingering thought of needing reassurance and wanting to check through her things again to make sure. Good luck.
What an incredible gift. Don't think of those 5 years you lost, think of the future you guys have together now. Wishing your family the best.
My favorite comment.
You are so fucking selfish!
Bro is not about the so called toxic masculinity, is just that women in general arent attracted to a man who cries thats it
“Give me a reason to give you another chance”… did I really just read that??? Get f——d, dude!
It's a valid point but 1) chances are if someone is planning on having a child to fix a relationship won't listen to a random reddit post. 2)This doesn't apply to this sub.
Exactly what I’m wondering too.
You know gps is usually accurate to within 50 feet, right?
She wasn't at work homie.
Also man why are you apologizing for feeling uncomfortable with her being best friends with her former f' buddy? Age issue above aside you need to set a firm boundary and if it makes you uncomfortable end the relationship. She probably doesn't take your feelings about this serious because you are apologizing for no reason at least based on the above. Weak behavior from your side.
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My boyfriend (23M) and I (24F) have been dating for several months, and up until this point, we’ve had very few (serious) disagreements. He’s a sweet, considerate guy with no glaring red flags to suggest that he might harbor misogynistic views, “mommy issues,” etc.. So I was kind of taken aback when we were discussing career paths earlier, and he puts it out there that he thinks that, on the whole, men are smarter than women.
Granted, he works in STEM—and his really is a male-dominated profession, which partly informs his opinion. But still. It just rubbed me the wrong way, but I don’t want to make a big deal out of something seemingly so inconsequential.
TL;DR My boyfriend told me that he thinks men are, on average, smarter than women, and I’m not sure how to react.
ETA: I appreciate the support in favor of gender equality here, but I am not trying to spark a debate on the relative intellectual capacity of people—I just want to know how to move forward, if at all!
I think we just stop at 20f and 34m.
but it can work out? didn't for you unfortunatelly…
Sounds like he’s totally fine being selfish and genuinely doesn’t give a shit that you’re having a bad time. He’s got no interest in your pleasure. Why marry someone like that?
i think OP comes from a family like my father's where they tell you they don't want anything, then you get crying and screaming when you don't get them anything. you need to get the person something or you'll never stop hearing about it for the next 3 years.
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What?
He is not into you as a person. Whereas I think it’s always good to better yourself and evolve as a person and your partner can be a good motivator in doing such things, I think this kind of dynamic is very healthy. He says he’s not into you. He does not want to engage physically either. Why is he still with you? Why are you still with him?
You deserve a relationship where your partner appreciates you and wants to engage with you emotionally and sexually. You and your current bf are not compatible. Please move on.
Apparently you have a asshole for a boyfriend
I think this is it. She sees him as just a friend, but admits maybe she is naive to his intentions. I see him as someone romantically interested in her.
Younare correct though, it's a good early relationship test to check how each of us deals with situations. Should I be saying or doing anything to support her through this?
Also question: what was the blackmailer hoping to get out of him? Did he tell you what she wanted that he wouldn’t comply with? Is he willing to come clean enough to show you their conversation? Did she tell YOU why she was sending it to you?
Because… had she sent it just to you I could see her threatening that if he didn’t pick her – but that seems odd if they’ve only been an on-line dalliance… and it also doesn’t make sense that she’d disappear once you know.
But I can only think of one reason I would send that kind of content to someone’s partner AND their mom AND their other female relatives and that reason is because he was sending this stuff to me against my will and wouldn’t stop when asked. In which case you might be ascribing the term “creeper” To the wrong person.
Personally, if I was going to even consider staying in a relationship with your partner I would first demand he hand over his phone so I can go through all his messages and chats and dms – and I’d do it without warning so he can’t delete anything. I’d be looking for other instances, exactly how often this happens and exactly how these exchanges start (because I have my doubts about it being consensual). And if he’s not willing to have complete transparency I’d consider that an admission of further guilt and a sign he can’t be trusted.
But honestly, I read this and you comforting him and all my brain thinks is that your bf is getting off on sending non-consensual dick picks (aka he loves sexually harassing women) and one woman sent that content back so you’d all know what kind of guy he is.
Seriously OP, what was the message she sent you when she sent the content, because it seems really weird to me you left that out.
Uh. Did this girl really accuse you of having feelings for your own damn cousin!? Wtf man.
This relationship is clearly not working and you’re ready to get out of it. If she’s too lonely in the country you guys on-line in, she can always move back home. Don’t worry about her so much, she’s a grown woman, she will figure it out.
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Run. Run fast. Run far. Run and never look back.
great i just wont respond ?
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Ask him why he doesn’t talk or play?
He's a complete dick. Nobody should put up with that shit.
He did cheat, he didn't honor your marriage vows and threw you out of your home. He took the word of a woman who was trying to get into bed with him, over investigating and proceeding with HOT evidence and facts. It was all circumstances and it wasn't until someone vouched for you, that he realized that he made a mistake WHILE you were pregnant. You were at your most vulnerable and he still expects you to move on like nothing happened because it's what he did.
The truth is, that he severed your emotional bond to him. By doubting you, turning people against you and sleeping with other people. You may love him but he took a knife and plunged it in deep multiple times. You're bleeding out and the truth is, he may have killed all feelings and if you stay with him, he severely decimated anything there.
I get what your saying and that its hot to raise kids without their bio dad. Every experience is different, i think you can co-parent but you will never be his old wife again. If you stay to work on things, that's your decision, but your feelings and attachment are either dead or on life support.
Some people have only like 3 bras. I’m pretty particular about them, would never just leave them somewhere, I don’t have enough money to waste bras like that.
The worst thing you can do is stay with this man. He ruined your life, filed for divorce and fucked a bunch of others. How can you possibly forgive him?? Dont stay because of your child, your child will see how shit you two are together.
Do him a favor and break up with him. You are a selfish partner and he deserves better.
I would suggest you assign him a certain amount of money each month and tell him that's his pocket money, and he can decide how he wants to spend it. Tell him it's either x amount of eggs, or y amount of eggs plus some sweets etc. And set that as a hot boundary – keep a countdown, so he can follow the amount until it's gone each month.
And if he gets physical, put him in timeout. And consult with a child psychologist – the violence doesn't sound healthy. How many hours of screentime does he have? I heard that leaving a child too much with a screen can lead to them not being able to deal with/ regulate their emotions.
“He swears he loves me but I just don’t know”. He may have betrayed you, but there’s no indication from your post that he doesn’t love you.
I think you could just be like “hey we've had some good times but I don't feel like this is going to go anywhere. I think we have different life goals/values. Good luck out there! “
Voila!
I suggest you read Come as you are by Emily Nagoski. She’s a scientist and in this book she covers the topic of female orgasm in a very easy way to follow. She explains that we don’t know much about it but what we do know is that in order for women to orgasm from penetration alone our anatomy has to be a certain way, the clitoris has to be a certain distance from the vaginal opening, I forgot how close exactly. But if it is further there is no way for a woman to achieve that unless we are talking some alien dick that’s very weirdly shaped, ok? So don’t beat yourself up you are in the 60% of women. Also, you mentioned you were shamed as a child and that is also huge factor in this. You might want to consider therapy to resolve that but for yourself not anyone else. Alright? I have to tell you though, your bf sounds really immature. I hope you heal from your wounds and realise you deserve much more than that. ❤️
Personally? I think you should go for J because he seems more real and doesn't have the past commitment issues.
But if your heart triumphs logic? Then be honest with J that you're going to give K one more chance. Be prepared to lose J or for him to move in the time it takes for things to fail with K if it doesn't work out with K.
I would rather be “verbally violent” than actually violent. Telling someone who protects predators to “get fcked” is way less violent than what this disgusting 30yo is doing to this 21yo. Is this your friend? Do you know them? Do you have fantasies of someday getting your own young person to exploit?
Good suggestion! Our deal is whoever cooks doesn't have to clean up from cooking dinner so I like that I can still hold up my end of the bargain. I'll hate it but short-term hate for long-term gain is definitely better than nothing.
Thanks!
This happened to my mother ???? I got a fat ass check from SS at 25 because of this. She will be playing “catch up” until she dies lol
Sex was a chore for me when no effort was put in to please me. He was all about his pleasure and it ended in 2 mins. Still get along with my ex husband, but i knew it was over at this point.
You're being wilfully obtuse. She doesn't like to be touched by your Dad. She's happy and consents to being touched by her friends and like you specifically mentioned, who are girls. I don't hear you say that your Mom or sisters spank her butt. Just your Dad. So where does the 'my family' come in? It's just your Dad dude.
And if she is uncomfortable, that's just it. Period. She doesn't owe it to your Dad to feign acceptance if she is grossed out/uncomfortable with his touch. Don't you ever listen to her and understand what she's saying?
But he's perfectly OK to touch an adult woman's butt, and you think that's ok? Don't see an issue?
Kick his ass to the curb!!!! What is he even bringing to the table????
Thank you so much for the advice
Bro listen She wanted him He said no She came back to you
Leave her
Bro listen She wanted him He said no She came back to you
Leave her
Im looking for an alternative way
People who do things like this of their own volition, and then afterwards blame it on their partner are not really functioning in a mature adult way.
If hes fit conscious and was wanting an audience, fine, post pics, get the feedback, but he should acknowledge that's what he wanted.
If you want more interaction from a partner, or if you want to feel like your partner is taking notice,you talk to the partner first before you do anything.
What he's done is not a replacement for what he says he felt was lacking in the relationship. Posting nudes to strangers is a completely different arena to the personal attention of a long standing partner.
No. He wanted to do that for himself. He knew/thought you probably wouldn't approve and so he tried to blame your recent lack of attention die to your own insecurities.
That was a low blow from him. To know that you've been experiencing issues, to then go outside the relationship for validation, and finally to turn it back on you. No. Not impressed with this guy. If you were my kid I'd be pointing out that I dont rate him as a lifetime partner.
You know people can see your profile, right?
Like, this is a super weird thing to do, dude.
It wasn’t later than we were supposed to- we told her we’d be home at 2AM the latest.
I mean, she has a life outside of babysitting your son. There's loads of things that could have made her seem off. Stress from school, arguing with a friend, shit talk with a family member, maybe she's going through some mental health stuff, etc etc.
Sorry, took a while to reply. He’s not on any porn sites that I know of. All I’ve found is a Twitter account, him pretending to be a lesbian following women that are publicly putting their photos and videos out for anyone to view. Some more explicit then others. Sometimes he comments flirty things to their post. He’s definitely lying to me and I know that’s a major red flag. It’s not right and I’ve definitely let him know that it bothers me about the lying and how liking other women’s pictures is super hurtful.
seeing almost every person say seek legal action gave me so much support and closure. I wish I could tell everyone exactly who he is, ppl deserve to know, but I will let him start over new. I will always keep my money private in the future.
Doing a few errands and giving you massages aren't a substitute for a job. He's not seriously looking. He's comfortable sitting at home, playing video games, while you work to support him. You don't owe this to him.
Welcome to life on hot mode.
My partner and I had a similar situation and despite me loving my daughter to pieces I wish it didn't happen this way.
You have the right to keep the child, but that doesn't mean you're entitled to the beautiful family with a present and loving father.
You've altered the trajectory of both your partner and your lives and now it's up to you to figure out how to find a suitable situation here.
Wait. Let her decompress. She will let you know what's what when she knows herself. Good luck.
for sure, super subjective.. I feel like if the break up was stress, career, etc, then it's more manageable than like cheating, abuse, toxicity, etc
I will seek counseling
If multiple things have been going wrong in your relationship, a break from that will not neccesarily mean it automatically repairs itself.
I don't believe in breaks anymore. You either commit to someone, or you don't. If you have doubts, there will always be doubts, and it will infest into your relationship no matter how many times you try.
You could have just– said no? Rather than give it a chance?
'Hey I want to retry this relationship.' 'Nope. No. No thank you.'
So basically she wants you to finance her dreams, what about you?
Put one of those photos in front of him and say: “Talk!”
Just imagine another situation : the day of your wedding, the brother has a panic attack. And you fiancé, instead of staying with you, go to the hospital with him and you're left alone during the ceremony. Awful, and it may happen.
You just block him.
This is totally normal. My new brother in law still sleeps with his mom occasionally. My sister was uneasy about it at first but they still ended up in a loving relationship with each other. You should see the three of them on their honeymoon! So precious.
Hi. I am a long-time security and protection professional. I have dealt with all kinds of dangerous people throughout my career – gangsters, terrorists, hitmen, rapists, and psychopath/sociopaths.
Your boyfriend is DANGEROUS. He is the worst kind of danger. He is the charming, slick, high-functioning predator.
You need to RUN from him.
But you need to be smart about it. A quick dramatic break from him could have fatal consequences for you. Before you end it, get your ducks in a row. In the interim, play it off like you forgive him.
Don't sever all contact right now. That can drive some kinds of predators to extreme reactions, like hunting you down and killing you.
File a police report. Talk to the police, especially if you can talk to a sex crime/special victim unit-type of detective. See what options you have. If the police are less than responsive, get a lawyer to advocate on your behalf. That will get their attention.
Get a Protection/Restraining Order. Ask the police about the timing but make sure you have emplaced other security measures first.
Alert your friends and family. Let them all know the danger he presents to you. He may try to get to you through mutual friends/associates.
Potential Security Countermeasures:
Internal/External Cameras – even a Ring Doorbell Cam can be mounted on an apartment entry. You could get a Go-Pro or other cam for your car to monitor when you are not in it. Social Media Blocking – at the right time, block him on everything. After that, change your screen names on everything. Use all social media security settings. Better yet, delete all or most of your social media – and don't use your picture on a profile. Change your routines – Leave and arrive at different times. Use different routes to work or school. Avoid places you frequented with him. This is hot because most people are creatures of habit…but it can be done. Change Cell Phone – Get a new phone & number. He may have added some kind of tracking app to your phone secretly. You can always restore the phone to its factory settings but that doesn't always delete spyware. Check For Tracking Devices – Look through your purse and your car. You can find videos on how to do it on YouTube. Alternately, you can take your car to a repair shop and ask them to search the vehicle as they can reach places you can't. It will be an unusual request but they should be willing.
These are just some of the things you can or should do, if possible. Your objective should be to make yourself a “Hard Target.” Carry pepper-spray again if you don't already. Feel free to DM me if you have questions.
It's giving you the ick because he lied or because he was a virgin?
Well first you have to ask yourself if you really consider your “best friend” that close when you tell her something in confidence and she tells her bf. You haven't seemed to address that part as if it was fine that they went and did that. Especially when they both know that his sister died of cancer recently.
I'm actually skeptical to believe any guy friend group would poke fun at a guy who's sister died not but 2 months ago. I mean they exist but they aren't really his friends if they're doing this.
Lastly you really are a stupid cunt. Like who gives a shit about how you feel? You lost that right the second you broke your bfs trust.
Awww does the 23 yo woman FEEL guilty? Who the fuck cares. Maybe if you took two seconds to think about how others would feel you wouldn't have gotten yourself in this mess.
Do better.
Hoping and praying is going to get you nowhere, be an adult and talk with him about it. Communication is how issues need to be handled in relationships.
Because I like to spend time and do things together with the person in with and have someone who cares about what im into
I just feel like she’s really interested one week and basically ghosts me the next. then when i stop texting her for like a week or 2 she comes back out of nowhere. it confuses the fuck out of me
You need to run. Fast.
He knows how to manipulate emotions. He is not someone you want to start a relationship with.
Sorry, it seems I missed this part. Anyway, I suggest you to give yourself a couple of days to cool down a bit. Lying aside, 7 and 14 are not the same as, for example, 7 and 70. If your relationship is as good as you say, and she was “suitable” for you during those 2 years, what exactly has changed in her? Aside from having 15 past sex partners, I mean.
And depending on what type of diabetes there could be other issues, like thyroid imbalance. My type one Diabetic 12 yr old goes through about 3 weeks on of being a total dick to everyone in the mornings and then gets better. Thyroid is craping out but not low enough to merit meds yet. We only know this because his endo tests all T1D for other antibodies about every 6 months. A lot of doctors don't bother to do that with adults. They check like TSH every year and as long as its “in range” they don't pay much attention to anything else.
Not saying its a valid excuse to be a dick in the morning, but understanding the cause can usually help find a solution. In our case, our kid is allowed to tell us he feels super agitated and we can take steps to help minimize the agitation, give him space till help calms down, ect. But flat out if anyone in our home is being super grumpy, i will call them on it.. “I'm sorry you feel like crap, but you don't get to treat others like crap because of it. Go do what you need to to get yourself right, but leave everyone else alone till you sort yourself out.”
Sounds SO exhausting
How do we know OP hasn't had that talk with his dad.
That wasn't part of the post.
*correction: you don’t see this is as a problem currently. That is because you are still too immature to see the problem. You are now wasting very valuable years. Listen to the advice of people who have seen this countless times. You will realize this sooner or later, I hope for you that it will be sooner. If not, you can advise people on this subreddit in 10 years. They will also not listen. And the cycle continues.
Haha come on, it is clear she is cheating. That excuse is horrible.
There are no good picks but the person he’s sending money to is below. You’re dating an idiot.
1- a man cat fishing
2- a woman cat fishing
3- a man and woman team cat fishing
4-9- a combination of the first 3
10- a woman who needs money just as much as you do and your boyfriend sees them both and picks one.
You've never met him.
He's pushing for sex. If you go meet him it should be on the basis you stay in a hotel and go on dates. He can show you around his city. You need to find out how you feel about him in person. Why can't he find a girlfriend in his own city?
He will only keep doing this. If you don’t like this life you have to leave. If you can’t leave get used to being cheated on and lied to. There are no excuses. Not all people cheat but this guy does. Find a better partner he is trash.
Drinking. Sex addicting. Excuses. Not everyone who drinks acts like this. Not everyone with sex addiction cheats. He CHOOSES to cheat. He knows what he’s doing and he know you will always let him. The only way to end it is to end it.
This isn't an art class, it's your relationship. The comment wasn't suggesting you write a critique of her or her art. It was suggesting you write how you feel about her copying your art and what you would like to change about how the art is sold. Writing out what you want to say can help you say things in a non confrontational way.
Op what you need to is find some balls and tell that bitch to kick rocks. She bad the audacity to cheat on you and use a sex you YOU BOUGHT HER WITH ANOTHER MAN. Then continue using it right beside you. Your gf shouldn’t evil and even being with her just shows a lack of respect for yourself. Please do yourself a favour and get out of this relationship.
Thanks, I guess
I don’t think you have commitment issues, it just sounds like you’re not compatible. Constant texting and wanting to hang out all the time would be a massive dealbreaker for me. If you’re feeling this way after 9 months, it’s likely not going to get better. Break up with her.
Actually, most responsible fertility clinics will only implant one embryo at a time, especially if there haven’t been previous issues with pregnancy losses etc.
No in I’m not sure how the terms work in your country but like her friend has a whole apt that includes kitchen bathrooms etc so the friend owned the apt no one else it was just them
She’s abusive honey. This is how it works, it tears you down until you have nothing left. You are already becoming emotionally numb. Please, please leave. She sounds like a cluster B nightmare.
Great suggestion, they could get proof to help OP
She sounds like a cruel snob. Really glad that she enjoys this high level of aestheticism and talent but honestly the rest of us reside on lower planes of existence! I think you’d be so much happier apart; the way you describe her it’s almost like she would laugh at you behind your back. Or think of you as infantile; she’s incredibly off-putting with all that superiority. I think you’ve gotten too carried away and centered her opinions as better than your own, when frankly you need to be true to yourself and you deserve to be with someone who finds you interesting at the very least !
You let her know by telling her.
But I think you're being kind of petty unless your household is struggling.
Yeah this sounds like him a lot, if anything he’s not the type who would ever make fun of someone obviously because of how he was treated, and any gay jokes wouldn’t be well received by him, especially since he very much enjoys that I am bi.
All the guy at his work are very much the alpha bro types, I think maybe he thinks that’s who he should hang out with because they share common hobbies, but he’s just not the right kind of personality for them.
You have summed up our modern society
Wonderful to hear! My family has been riven by cancer. I know it’s so, so hot. Viciously painful. You’re so strong to have made it this far. Love and healing to you.
You should have an open and honest conversation with him about his ex and how he views you. Why is he with you. See what he says. Then go from there.
Also worth thinking about why he’s dating a teenager. I’ve never known a quality person 25+ who wanted to date a teenager.
Absolutely. Yeah, situations like this can be creepy and if she doesn't reply, you should obvs respect that. But she told you that she was single and liked your socials? You've got a shot.
You’re the most morally reprehensible piece of shit ever. I can’t believe you turned your back on your wife she needed you most. What you did is unforgivable.
Second this. Sometimes people do need an ass whoopin but being subjected to continual abuse from a partner goes well beyond being an arguably justifiable ass kicking that jars one to reality or demonstrates a point.
The chances of the abuse escalating is significant and he may abuse the child as well. Some of those sick fucks don’t wait until a kid grows up enough to endure and survive abuse. I’ve had the misfortune of knowing someone whose spouse took his anger out on their one year old because she wasn’t around and seeing that little one with numerous broken bones and permanent brain damage from being violently shaken and thrown. Nothing justifies that.
Habitual abuse doesn’t teach anything worth learning and it shouldn’t be encouraged or written off as okay because the abused is young, selfish, stupid, and made shitty choices.
You can’t make him. All you can do is encourage him to seek therapy to overcome these issues. Explain to him that his insecurities is damaging the relationship and breaks your trust in him. If he refuses, then you know his priorities.
I don't trust her either, and was hesitant to comment that because of, well, I'm sure you can gather why. She knows the dad doesn't like her, doesn't want them together, and that their father/son relationship has been strengthening lately. They went from a very tumultuous dynamic to now working on having a healthy dynamic as parent and kid. This is why I think she might take drastic actions, such as this, to put the seed of doubt into OP's head regarding how he moves forward with his father. She doesn't want them repairing their relationship, because she's thinking of how it will effect her instead of what is actually best for OP, which is obviously a healthy and happy father/son situation.
I am the one who proposed he get training. When he came back he was actually better behaved but neither my boyfriend or his kids have followed through on keeping up his training and he has quickly regressed. I’m all out of solutions at this point and hoping anyone else might have some.
I’m also not here to get walked on by his children and be disrespected. I always take a backseat approach and I’ve never raised my voice at either of them prior to this afternoon. I already pointed out that wasn’t the best approach but I was pissed off and scrubbing their dogs piss out of the carpet at the time. I made a mistake and I will apologize to her later but only for raising my voice. I was absolutely justified in calling out her disrespectful behavior and talking back to adults. I’ve been in their lives for 3 years now, I should not be expected to sit back and stay quiet.
“It’s not just you honey …” Take this on as a team.
midwife is not a good source of legal information
Better than random person on Reddit. 😉
Yeah how about you get over it and don't let your brother sleep in the same bed…
Yta
Definitely not. I woke up feeling crap .. lol. There is a lot more context here but I think the bigger point is I need to let go of thinking he is controlling me and I need to hear more. I do feel terrible. I just don’t want to really ask for permission as I’ve had to do that in the past so it triggered me. There is a lot of learnings here.
Ask her if she met someone
As a male who sometimes feels the same for no good reason, I'd say the best way is to communicate how good sex feels and how good of a partner he is in bed.
Personally, saying stuff like “you're the perfect size for me” or something along those lines sounds like a sugar-coated “yeah you're not that big but you're my boyfriend”.
Saying stuff like “you're so big” during sex also doesn't help much. Honestly when people say that to me I just laugh cuz I'm like no I'm not.
To be honest I think most of the insecurity doesn't necessarily come from the size itself, but more of the meaning behind it. He may feel inadequate because he believes someone with a larger penis can pleasure you better or do a better job than him purely because they have a larger penis.
I think the best way to combat the insecurity is just by telling him how good it feels and how good he feels, and even during sex saying stuff like how deep he is and how hot your orgasms are.
At the end of the day, penis size is just something that needs to be accepted as it cannot be changed no matter what fancy tools or pills you use. Plus, women don't care about size as much as they care about how it feels, so size really means nothing if a guy is trash at foreplay and knowing his woman.
just the tip of the iceberg fr, calls me sensitive or dramatic for being upset because of the way he treats me. maybe im just not cut for relationships
And if they have a baby things will get SO MUCH WORSE.
Even marriages that were previously egalitarian have a tendency to backslide after a child is born.
If OP already feels like a mom? Nope nope nope.
Yes, I’m certain they are who they say they are.
Thank you so mucb
It doesn't matter what other people have done. No one can tell you if she is going to “come back to you” or not. That is not relationship advice.
If a man describes a woman as a 10/10 he is at the very least physically attracted to said woman.
If he’s typically an open book about spending time with his female friends but was not about that girlfriend you have every reason to have some suspicion. That’s not to say he definitely cheated, maybe he felt like a short coffee break with an old coworker wasn’t worth mentioning. But yeah I’d have many follow up questions if I were you.
He’s lying. How do I know this? It’s as obvious as a flashing neon billboard in the centre of Times Square. I’m surprised you have any doubt. He CLEARLY was asking out a colleague or planning to. Either way, dude is shady and you’re wasting your time and best years if you stay with him.
The odds that he is becoming better are really low. Has he ever actually acknowledged his wrongdoings and apologized and tried to make amends? Probably not.
I think you’ve dodged a bullet. Your life is going to start looking up without this person draining your energy and happiness away.
Best of luck to you!
I’ve been to Rome 3 times and each time has been a completely different experience as if I’d never been before. And this was one city. A friends holiday V a couples holiday are very different and it’s really likely your BF will have the first time experience with you aswell.
This may really shock you, but women are people. We want to be interacted with as people who have inner lives.
Please refrain from labelling people. You don't know me, nor my relationships to women. Most of my long term friends are women. You implying that I see women as objects to fuck is just poisoning the well. I would have way more examples to claim you see men as emotionally stunted.
Notice the line “GF doesn't understand why I'm mad and asks if I'm jealous”
Come on, it's a common deflection tactic. I don't know why you are mad ( “i didn't do anything wrong”), are you jealous (most people don't want to be seen as jealous).
this suggests a history of OP not being able to interpret his emotions and defaulting to expressing them with anger.
I explained it already why this isn't the case. There are situations were you are angry, this doesn't mean you are “defaulting” to anger. If in an imaginary scenario your husband would cheat on you, you would be angry, you would not think “this triggers my fear of abandonment, this is why im currently angry”.
Yes, start now and continue being honest, and don't leave out important information. Things like not wanting g to be exclusive with someone who doesn't want to admit to being in a relationship with you, and not enjoying being in some undefined situation where you don't know if it's a problem to date. If he's not offering you anything but vague suggestions of a situationship then I don't know why you are even wasting your time with it in the first place.
Find someone who knows if they want to be with you or not. It's not that hot to make a damn decision.
Why don't the two of you discuss together what might be “romantic” options, write them down, put them in a jar, and together you can pick one and do that? Why is it all on him?
The reasons you list are the reasons couples divorce. Seriously nobody wants to be the 'do it all' in the relationship. Nobody wants to always be the grown up while the other partner just coasts by. Sex problems or incompatibilities rarely change after marriage.
The words not matching actions is called manipulation. When somebody repeatedly promises but doesn't follow through, their words are simply used to buy time for themselves and because they know it works, you'll forgive and forgive and stick around unhappy. They have no reason to want to improve.
So you only blocked him on one platform? That’s not really blocking him.
Hmmmm…….
There is no lesson to learn and you're speaking opinion, not facts. You don't like something. Congrats. You have a preference. I don't like potatoes. Does that mean I can shame people for eating french fries? No, it does not.
Voyeurism may be uncommon for women, but that doesn't give anyone permission to shame people for what they enjoy. The only problem exhibitionist have is when they force themselves on the unwilling.
They’re two men, just fyi
I genuinely don’t understand what you are having to apologise for.. this reminds me so much of my dad, flying off the handle over absolutely nothing. I bet he didn’t want to go with you and causing a fight was his way of getting out of it. I think he should apologise to you for his irrational anger, calling you names, ruining bonding time with the kids, and his blatant transphobia and bigoted views. Your husband is gross.
Red flag for sure (on top of the age gap). From experience it will only get worse and worse so you either need to get him to shut down the crazy now or walk away.
What did you expect? That she will be in a freezer until you feel like having an actual relationship with you? If she has found herself someone properly commited to you, she would better if with them.
If you still think neglecting her for your job was the correct choice, than maybe refuse to marry her. For her benefit.
I don’t think you are trying to make her look bad. It’s not your fault that there are people here who will take your words and run with them by implying you are describing as some one who “treats you like shit”. Even though you did not give an example of actual cheating, that doesn’t mean you did not feel hurt or even betrayed for being dumped by her for one of her musician friends. You are both very young, it is very likely this woman is not going to turn out to be a wife. You both may never even get to the point you fully trust each other, and you know what? Maybe for now that’s not such a bad thing for you both to just try to enjoy each others company but guard your hearts. Trust is something that requires effort and patience, neither of you can assume the position of forgive and forget, that’s not so realistic in cases like this. Forgive surely, forget, not so much. Maybe you both need to communicate and come up with ideas together how you both can rebuild trust you both lost.
I agree I guess I had made her my priority since I wasn't in a serious relationship with anyone and put her first as my bestfriend my mistake
“Comparison is the thief of joy” as they say, and it’s so easy to see other relationships and wonder why yours isn’t like theirs. It can ruin a truly wonderful and unique relationship. I’d have a conversation with your partner and apologize – if they’re someone you love and they respect you, it’s worth apologizing for. I’ve definitely learnt to fall on my sword when I’ve made a mistake – even if I felt a bit too proud at first.
As a practical tip, scroll right by those dumb TikToks and they’ll eventually stop popping up.
Exactly. He will never, ever change- because it fucking works for him. He can stay Peter Pan and never have mature relationships. Whereas, getting jerked tf around is so not it and you are better than this dude. So remove him as an option and start looking for that feeling with a guy willing to make progress. But, maybe go a little slower next time.
Thats a classy move if I've ever heard one. Must be God testing her to see if she's truly worthy of being his wife. /S
I never got the “it's your Batchelor party, so it's your last night to cheat on them.” It seems weird, like why are you getting married if you have to go out and enjoy sex with someone else one last time before you're “trapped”. Shouldn't you want to only be with the woman you're marrying?
They all made a bad decision and I'm sure they'll all get found out.
What are you doing? You are so desparate to maintain the fairytale of a happy marriage and family that you are blind to his crimes??!! He stole from you and sexaully assaulted an innocent woman. He's got you so fooled playing the victim and excusing his behaviour due to a gambling addiction! You're enabling him will only make him more dangerous and reckless.
He needs to be accountable for his CRIMES, while you are just worried about his reputation??!
Hello! I wanted to update you. I sat down with him and i told him everything i thought was not normal. I used everybody's comment to some extent and i emphasized how weird it was…and he admitted to me that they made out once when they were teenagers. He said it was dumb and that his hormones were all over the place back then. He says they both apologized and promised to not talk about it but he admitted that the secret grew their bond in a “keep your enemies close” kind of way, at least on his end. I confronted her about it that same day and she called me crazy and all types of names. I wanted to have a mature conversation with her but her denial of the events infuriated me. She accused my fiancee of being obsessed with her since they were teenagers and that they never kissed. I went ahead and told my fiancee's brother which is her husband and a huge fight broke out. Even his little brother got involved because he admitted to have read his sister-in-law diary where she detailed everything that had gone down the day they made out. He without anybody wanting played a huge part on this since he gave a bunch of details on watch she thought about my fiancee. It honestly gave me a little bit of understanding on why he was afraid she would tell everyone and make herself the victim.
Long story short my fiancees brother is divorcing her and he cursed all of us out. Now my fiancees family is mad at us because “we ruined a good marriage”.
My fiance admitted to me that he should've been transparent about things and assured me there was nothing going on with her since that one day when he was 15 which I know for a fact because i hired a PI (something he doesn't know i did). He said the second i mentioned it he thought he'd lose me if he told me the truth. He said it was of no significance and all he wanted to do was not anger her so she wouldn't come to me and tell me something different that what had happened.
I'm all over the place emotionally and i asked him for few days alone so i can ponder about everything that haves happened. I very obviously love him. He's a good man and i want to forgive him but my heart is feeling very heavy right now.
Hello! I wanted to update you. I sat down with him and i told him everything i thought was not normal. I used everybody's comment to some extent and i emphasized how weird it was…and he admitted to me that they made out once when they were teenagers. He said it was dumb and that his hormones were all over the place back then. He says they both apologized and promised to not talk about it but he admitted that the secret grew their bond in a “keep your enemies close” kind of way, at least on his end. I confronted her about it that same day and she called me crazy and all types of names. I wanted to have a mature conversation with her but her denial of the events infuriated me. She accused my fiancee of being obsessed with her since they were teenagers and that they never kissed. I went ahead and told my fiancee's brother which is her husband and a huge fight broke out. Even his little brother got involved because he admitted to have read his sister-in-law diary where she detailed everything that had gone down the day they made out. He without anybody wanting played a huge part on this since he gave a bunch of details on watch she thought about my fiancee. It honestly gave me a little bit of understanding on why he was afraid she would tell everyone and make herself the victim.
Long story short my fiancees brother is divorcing her and he cursed all of us out. Now my fiancees family is mad at us because “we ruined a good marriage”.
My fiance admitted to me that he should've been transparent about things and assured me there was nothing going on with her since that one day when he was 15 which I know for a fact because i hired a PI (something he doesn't know i did). He said the second i mentioned it he thought he'd lose me if he told me the truth. He said it was of no significance and all he wanted to do was not anger her so she wouldn't come to me and tell me something different that what had happened.
I'm all over the place emotionally and i asked him for few days alone so i can ponder about everything that haves happened. I very obviously love him. He's a good man and i want to forgive him but my heart is feeling very heavy right now.
that’s a good point
is it possible she’s not satisfied when you do have sex and instead of communicating that, she asks for more? if that’s the case, which it may well not be, a conversation needs to be had. if not, good grief she is asking way too much.
OP men like him prey on young women like you he's lying to you
the money is just to make you dependent on him so when you find out the truth you can't leave because you financially depend on him the only reason older men want younger women is so he can control you and buy you because women his own age wopn't fall for that crap
I’ve had two and it was always after doing it in a spa. Lesson learned.
Just break up. You’re only 21 and have plenty of time to find a decent guy 55.
I understand expecting 50/50 all the time is unrealistic and sometimes one will do more than the other. But when I needed the extra help I feel i never received it
Yeah he said he was pissed then said he wouldn’t call me again cause he’s not chasing me.
Idk if he checking up on me though I’m so upset
I cut off ties with my father when I was 18 and if anyone in my life did what you did, I would consider this an act of betrayal and serious disrespect. It may have come from a place of “love” but if you truly loved someone you would understand and respect their boundaries. I would never want to marry someone who would dismiss my decisions because they think they know best.