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Help me reach my goal! [4216 tokens remaining]
Date: November 25, 2022
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Because women are socialised to be 'sorry' no matter how wildly inappropriate a man is being.
I don't see how she left a door open at all. I think she said 'engaged' because it's more serious and unambiguous than 'I have a boyfriend', I think that's a good thing.
It’s hardly cruel we would stop when he said he loved me but he didn’t
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You are 18. Find someone who is not so complicated.
I don’t want to associate my bf with sexual violence and suicide every time I look at him for the rest of my life.
Have you said these exact words to him?
You guys need to consult a private dog trainer. Sometimes they can be expensive, but the relief that you’ll feel afterwards will be worth the money spent. And you could even bring up the fact that you’re under a lot of financial stress, and the dog is making it worse and interfering with your day to day lives as well, so he needs to pay for her to go to a professional trainer, and you both attend sessions. You could potentially do some research on doggy day cares that do training as well.
That means a lot. Thank you
So to put it in real numbers:
According to the Mayo Clinic, low sperm count is anything less than 15 Million Sperm per ML. and that's not the level at which you “can't get pregnant”. It's the level where your chances PER ATTEMPT start to decrease. And even people whose counts are so low that the have nearly no chance have kids all the time. A reduction in chances is not the same as having no chance. You almost always have to have certain organs or pieces of your anatomy be removed to have actually no chance.
I looked at some different fertility clinics regarding their minimum requirements for sperm donation and the numbers I saw as their minimums were anywhere between 20 Million and Fifty Million sperm per ML, so you can have a sperm count too low for donation, and still not clinically/medically have low sperm count.
And even if your sperm count now is actually low enough that you would have a hot time having kids, that doesn't mean that it has been for years. You're right at the cutoff age for a lot of those places, because sperm count decreases. so they know that at 35 you would most likely have a lower count than you would have when you were younger (i.e. when you had your kids).
I think you need to do a lot of research about this, and get your actual number, because you're about to destroy your marriage for no reason other than your complete lack of education in this matter, and a knee jerk reaction to a term you don't seem to really know the definition of.
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I just want to have the same securities and protection he has.
You are never going to have those securities and protections if you keep being a doormat. When you were 20 and he was 30, he was a predator. Now you are 36. You stayed with him while he was abusive, you stayed after he cheated 13 out of 16 years, you stay with him while he doesn't put you on the deed to your home, he doesn't go out, he doesn't allow you to work, you can't have a bank account…
He is NEVER going to give you anything. You have to start doing things he doesn't allow you. You have to tell him NO. Demand things. And abuser is not going to be giving you anything. Go open a bank account. Get a job. Go out. Make a life for yourself. Maybe, just maybe, if he sees you do stuff, he panics and puts you on the deed and gives you access to his bank account.
You should show her this post. She’s just humiliating you. Do you feel humiliated? She’s intentionally making you look like a fool while she picks and chooses what she wants. What an awful excuse for a girlfriend
I don't want to do that. She's just not a totally evil villain, that's all.
That's called alcoholism
Yeah, she probably does. Which is okay. Single women can flirt with single men for attention and vice versa. It doesn't have to go anywhere.
I mean, it's hot for me to understand why you would want to date someone who you can't talk to without feeling irritated.
Dang sounds like you're her bitch
It sounds less about what they were doing with their extra time and more about the fact that they failed to be decent parents. Maybe they weren't cheating on each other but it was like they were cheating on you. That is, it sounds like your life growing up with them was filled with deception, breaking your trust, letting you down, ignoring your needs and generally refusing to be emotionally present for you. And for a long time, you excused their behavior thinking that there was a good reason for it, such as, that they needed to do this in order to work and create a good life for all of you. But when it all became patently false, and that the real reason was that their own “hobbies” were more important to them than being there for their own child, it was understandably devastating for you. It makes total sense that you wouldn't want to continue a relationship with them. They want to believe that everything is fine, when they treated you more like a pet dog than their human child. It very much sounds like it had all to do with what self-involved people they were and not to do with you. But I'm sorry that you had to suffer as a result. I hope that you have a much healthier relationship with your fiancee and feel worthy of love and attention.
Yeah I won’t shy from the fact I made good money but just means of it and how extreme it is, was what was bad.
You are her only sexual paetners and she was sexually abused in the past. These dreams might not be going away.
Problem is also that she might think that while she has all these issues having sex with she might wonder if it would be easier/better for her with other people. Obviously not, but it is not something she can know for sure herself.
Pair it with what she has already told you about not wanting you to be her only sex partner in her life, I think your relationship is doomed for either, break up, infidelity or being opened at some point in future.
Yeah, this. Stay cool, ‘forgiving’ without pandering. I think if you wanted to let her know what she did was a dick move then you can, but keep it short and cordial for the sake of your friendship group and also yourself (emotional explanations are often regrettable afterwards – me, in my 30s). Then draw a line under it and keep her at arms length as much as you can. If you’re enticed into an emotion led back and forth with this girl, it’ll get messy considering the group dynamics and you’ll likely get hurt. ‘She showed you who she/he is, believe them’ is advice I wish I’d realised when I was younger.
It’s very shitty that she did this right after you guys shared a moment and I’m also assuming it’s no secret between you there are some feelings between you. Thank god this happened now, the bubble was burst horribly quickly, but better than developing a partnership and it happening then. I’m all for single people doing whatever, but the flippancy of kissing a dude within seconds of meeting him and right in front of you kinda suggests she’d play games at least, or even outright cheat. I don’t know why someone would behave like this unless they are just a cunt that doesn’t care about others. Maybe she got scared by feelings unfolding and acted out, or maybe she is just indifferent about hurting others this way, it doesn’t really matter because the action and result are the same. Control the situation, get your closure and move on. Good luck, it stings but you’ll be absolutely fine in some time.
You can split up for any reason but it may be that the relationship is just fading and the spark with it. If she changed this then some other thing about her might become an issue.
He’s very affectionate and loving towards me and he just lacks empathy for other people but he has it for me
If he has been truly diagnosed with ASPD, you're not the exception that proves the rule
“But Mistah J loves me!”
No, I wouldn't date a 36 old man who never had a relationship and only fucked hookers whenever he pleased.
she always yells at me and curses at me in disagreements
Why are you staying with someone who verbally abuses you?
If you haven’t made it official then she’s not with you and she can do whatever she wants. Sounds like you’re not together but you’re wanting to be. She hasn’t said she’s dating you exclusively therefore how can trust be broken if you’ve never made it official? This doesn’t sound like it’s going to end well.
Why does your edit say you’ve never had an open relationship, when one of the first things you say is that you’ve approved various women for him to sleep with before? Lmao that IS an open relationship. of course he feels like he can do whatever he wants with no respect to you, because for whatever reason you allowed it before. Maybe those times were just sex and now this time is emotional too and he’s abandoning your family for her? idk but yeah you really haven’t been on the same page for ages. He’s a selfish troglodyte who’s ruled by his “other” head and you don’t seem to know what you want. But honestly, you should forget about the cheating because the biggest issue is his emotional abuse of your kids by traumatizing them from sharing all this bullshit to them. Divorce him for being a horrific parent if nothing else.
I've been there! And I'm in the nicest and most stable relationship of my life right now with someone I do honestly think I might marry, but last week I got really upset because I miss how intense things used to be when I was much worse at choosing good partners! And it's not that I want to be back there because I do know how bad it was, I really do and you do too, but I miss the highs! The highs were incredible.
But I do still get highs now, they maybe don't feel as high but I think that's because I'm not starting from as low a place not because I'm not reaching the same heights. And god. The lows are so shallow they're practically still ground level and we talk ourselves back up out of them as quickly as they happen. The lows before were multi-story pits of emotional neglect. And I don't miss those. So I will sit with missing the intensity. But I'm not going to act on it because I know this is better.
It's been a year and a half and I still get so excited to see my boyfriend every time. I tell him I love him every day because I feel it so naked that I have to say it.
I went on two dates with another guy before my first date with him and the other guy was lovely. But that's all I could say about him. He's nice. His family sounds super cool, I loved his friends. He's… Nice. And then I met my boyfriend and I jokingly told my friend I loved him after one date. Because I could feel the potential.
It's normal to have wobbles, especially with a history of abusive relationships, but it doesn't mean you want anything to change. Unless it does. But you'll know the difference.