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Room for online sex video chat sandeepanii
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Date: December 4, 2022
I’m also disgusted that the top comments are just advice on her relationship. The issue here is the CHILD BEING ABUSED!
Based on the way I initially read this, yes. Based on the newer understanding with OP’s clarification prompting my re-reading, no.
Your relationship is irretrievably broken… you need to have some self respect
Uh, lots of people learn to manage panic attacks. (Not everyone, but many, many people). It’s actually one of the simplest things to treat. We limit benzos as much as possible due to possible dependence.
You’re fresh off a breakup from 2 weeks ago in which you broke up because she didn’t want to have a baby and now you’re full-fledged in baby-making mode to the extent that you know her ovulation schedule? This sounds like a recipe for disaster.
its been several months since i started to work in all the stuff i want to change actually, i clarified that in the post. im extremely conscious now of the things i did wrong in the past and truly am working nude to not make the same mistakes. of course im not a totally different person but i did stop doing a lot of those horrible things a while ago because i realized i was hurting him and didnt want to.
I was looking for this comment. This seriously seems like a porn/sex addiction and it’s unrealistic for most adults to want to have sex twice a day, I frankly don’t even have the time for that. Ease back on masturbating and porn to start, and maybe get a new hobby
yes i am on meds.
But not controlling enough to control a door hinge.
OIL THE HINGES. That fixes that noise.
If she can't cope with the toilet flush noise, don't flush it until you get up in the morning.
Consider your liquid intake before bed, most adults can make it through a night without urinating.
Equally, she needs to grow up and realise that people can need a toilet at any time, and the world isn't all about her alone. Throwing all her toys out of her pram over something as trivial as this, is not a good sign.
What's she going to do if a real life crisis happens? Running out of toilet paper, for example.
I’d say go for it but respect her relationship. Say “hey, I know you’re in a relationship and that’s totally cool I respect that. But hey, if you ever find yourself available down the road and want to hang out, give me a buzz!”
You're in the wrong for spending a ridiculous amount of time harping on about it. He already gave you his answer, why keep pushing and pushing? If you don't trust him, break up.
Personally I do think it's very insecure of you. And possessive. But I also know that everyone has insecuties. But at the end of the day you either let it go or break up. The way you're going you're just making both of your lives miserable.
I’ve been with my husband for 14 years. I don’t think I’ve ever came. I got close one time when I was 20 (I’m 34).
I’m a reader so Ive done my sex book research. I’m open to asking what he likes, doesn’t like. Tell him what works for me. But in reality, he’s kind of a selfish lover. Great husband, great member, terrible lover. I’m a very sexual person despite my antidepressants. Guess I gotta do it myself.
She can’t take that back. Words said in an argument have some truth. You are not being unreasonable. Seems she isn’t vested in the relationship. If she wants to continue the relationship, she has to prove she is in it. If she doesn’t prove it, time to move on. Talk to a lawyer, get you options.
That’s SA…
It’s so nude!! I feel like when I think about our relationship being like this for the next 80 years I know that I couldn’t be happy with that. But if you change this one part he would be so perfect lol and I know you can’t change people but my heart doesn’t understand that
Have some self respect. It’s time to say goodbye.
Why can you not go?
Other than that the only concern is time. If he isn't willing to use prolonged time off work to go or do sth eith then this is unacceptable. However you haven't mention anything such.
You really shouldn't be guilt tripping him into not going (unless the above issue is true). This might deeply damage your relationship with him.
Most ideas are good
May I ask your age?
I'll bet money that if they start therapy, they'll find out rather quickly that his anxiety is coming from her.
Yessss. We need update ASAP.
British Jerry Springer.
I’m sure you already know the answer…you should love yourself and break up with him. He cheated on you and he put your health in danger. The fact that you feel like he’s going to blame you shows you have a toxic relationship. He’s toxic, literally and figuratively. You’ve got to let it go or you’ll keep getting hurt, and ill apparently.
This thread and subreddit for that matter is filled with fresh wounds, trauma and heart break. I’m not denying that. I’ve had my fair share. It’s nearly impossible to make good long term decisions when in that state of mind. I punch in every now and again with the intention to help slow things down, look at it differently and try to offer up advice that isn’t impulsive. OP states “so be it” if she wants revenge. And that’s what’s fucked up about the world. A never ending cycle of reactionary revenge justified by misery. What if we broke the cycle?
There’s a book called Healing Sex (a mind body approach to healing sexual trauma) by Staci Haynes. It’s quite full on and might be a bit triggering but each chapter has activities you can do to reconnect to your body and sexuality.
Might be worth a read.
My opinion about this matter changed when I actually read your answer on what “jokes” you were saying, and honestly, I didn't feel like you had intent to hurt him. Poor taste? Maybe. But some people use humor when they are bothered by something. It sounds like you're not compatible sex wise and I would let the relationship go. I also don't like that he gets mad when you're crying since it doesn't sound like you're using it against him. I could understand if you were playing “the victim” but you said you were crying at work and then he got mad when he found out. He's done with the relationship and I would just let this one go. You'll both be happier finding more compatible partners elsewhere
And loved it so much she tried to make it a regular thing with everyone involved. Damn.
Can u send me the list of flags and what they mean please
Not good enough. You need to get him stilts.
I would be really suspicious. That story is crazy. It doesn’t really make sense why he didn’t tell you. And the money thing?? I would get tested for STDs . I am sorry but that story is real sus abs I don’t think he is telling the truth. He was in the room with the guy at the brothel? Just. it believable
Nope, he does
She's not the one who got her boundaries stumped over
If it was a man to tell a woman who didn't want to have sex with him “you're so fucking nude, I could fuck you all day long” you would call him a harasser
I didn’t do on purpose he’s the one that’s suspicious he should trust me I wouldn’t care if he hung out with girls
He can love you and still be indecisive and flaky. I don’t like the ever-present threat of dumping you every time there’s some disagreement though, feels a bit manipulative?
Ohhh i hope she tells your wife. Disgusting behavior
Does he ever make comments about boobs on movies or anything? Or is the insecurity one that you’ve always had. If he’s never talked about other boobs or anything then you just gotta work on your confidence. At the end of the day he’s with you and if everyone else has being going good then you should both be able to watch normal movies even if they might happen to show nude bodies here and there.
Bruh dudes a dumbass
That’s what I’m saying man, jumping to cheating based off something so minuscule is crazy
Yay! I've sent you a message with 5 of my favorites.
Leave Me Alone by Ian Axel Abcdefu by Gayle F U by Lily Allen Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor
So they haven't found anything? No ovarian cysts, endometriosis, or anything?
Marissa is also nasty for seeing the wedding ring and not giving a damn.
Nah just graduated and the way my job set up I'm not really able to talk to my co-workers
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Not to mention many jobs are catastrophically worse paying in Texas. My wife would make 1/3rd her current pay and with far worse benefits if she did it in Texas. She’d kill me on the spot if I made this ultimatum.
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I think the itching just comes from trying to explain it to herself
How old are you? Because if your under 18 I think you need to learn this with experience lol. Read some erotica, watch some saucy movies, learn the lingo. And I really don’t want to give sex themed advice to a minor. But I’ll give the basics:
I’m a little confused what this is all about, but if I said to a partner ‘I want you to own me’, I mean it as ‘I want you to take control, tell me what to do, do whatever you want etc.’, a bit like a sub/dom thing. This DOES NOT mean I want that person to be my significant other, it means I want them to take charge and use me as they wish. It’s just a nude thing to say while sexting really.
Good luck.
I mean you started a relationship with a lie. You are 18 years old. Should have known better.
Sucks but you’re fortunate to find this out before you got married. Can you imagine finding out she’s a cheater after years of marriage and kids?! Bullet dodged.
Yeah I can’t imagine they’d be switching them back at 8 years old
Front and back!!
Physically abusive and now she's cutting out your support network? This won't magically get better. Leave before it's too late.
He’s manipulating you and putting you on a leash. You’re getting played. There is no “game” and no “self-improvement” for a man that requires sleeping with multiple women. He’s just making that excuse up so you’ll agree to let him cheat. Many successful men are faithful to their partner. You deserve better.
You're an idiot
Picture your life without your boyfriend in it. Ignore the other 2 guys for a minute – does your life look better or worse? Picture him dating someone else – would it leave you crushed or would you not care?
EVERYONE finds other people attractive now and again, irrespective of how strong their relationship is. What matters is whether you act on it.
If above, you realised that you're indifferent about losing your relationship with your boyfriend – then maybe that relationship has just run its course. If you realise that you would be upset if he wasnt in your life or if he moved on, then this is just a natural thing. You don't need to act upon any of these other feelings.
What I will say is that even if the relationship has run it's course and you want to pursue either of the other two guys, it isn't an automatic win for you;
The guy who started snapping you doesn't care about your relationship boundary. He's going behind his friends back and pursuing his longterm gf. That's pretty murky and the reality is that he probably still won't care about those boundaries if you started dating him – so it would probably be a matter of time before he was going behind your back.
And with the other guy; it's going to be difficult for you to start something if you're part of the same friend group as your current bf. It's probably going to take some time before you're going to be able to get together.
Thank you, I will.
I plan to call on Monday since something triggered me yesterday and my meds haven't been helping.
Yes, and carefully consider how life could be with this person.
Nobody who beats harmless Pets can be a good Human being.
we could go for dinner or something next week when we both have less on our plates
Imma actually try this more as a pickup line maybe XD.
Seriously tho, thanks. This is good advice ??.
Often religion is the hardest hurdle to overcome in a relationship. Since the religion is mentally embedded as a child, through the teenage years and on into adulthood. Often counseling from a no denominational therapist helps a lot in Crossing those rough points in a relationship. If Christmas means that much to you and he loves you then he should at least make the effort. If not things will only compound and you might end up I a very controlling situation that might lead to me talking and potentially physical abuse. I wish you the best and hold form or at least mediate for a middle ground.
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We aren't actually together we are just having sex. I am just saying I don't get why he's having sex with me when I'm not his type?
Well, you tell your partner that her “friend” is trying to get in your pants and send her all the evidence of it. Then you two come up with a plan to deal with this slime ball and drop her from your life. You don’t let trash ruin your relationships you throw it out and move on (unless you want to be trash and cheat on your SO but I don’t think you’re that type of person).
if she was underage it’s a crime to have them. Also, he’s told you he’s not ready to move on so take that as a hint to walk away with your head held high.
Good friends don't try to get their friends to cheat on their girlfriends while their GF is away for Christmas.
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My advice, don’t keep female friends that you have slept with. It will always cause problems in relationships.
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It's not just that your husband is so obviously infatuated with this girl, was lying to both of you but he was trying to get into that girl's pants by taking advantage of her vulnerable post break up state.
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Hi thanks for the comment happy cake dsy by the way!!
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I… don’t want to divorce my husband? I never once said that.
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Guy is frontal-lobe challenged. Walk away.
Sorry it isn't better news!
It sounds like there's something larger at play and relevant answers should be informed.
Is it recent, the loss of self-expression?
I have a personality disorder and I hate how every person automatically just demonizes me just because of a condition I have no control over whether I have it or not. I've been getting help and have improved drastically. He is getting help and that's all that counts and he can live! a normal life
Break up with him
He does DoorDash
What I wouldn't do to be 150. I'm hovering something around 100 to 110. I look horrible and spindly and I'm 5'1″. I can't imagine OP's gf being any shorter than me, and 150 was a great weight for me so…
Or your friends mother.
Let me preface this by saying I’m a serial monogamist so taking your side in this isn’t about open relationships in general.
You got into the relationship based on the premise it’s open. While there’s nothing wrong with him changing his mind, there’s also nothing wrong with wanting out when one partner wants to change the rules. You want an open relationship, so be with a partner who wants that as well.
I’d also be weary about the fact that he wants to close the relationship because he’s jealous you’re getting more action than him. That sounds like he hasn’t even actually changed his mind, he’s just resentful you’re more successful than him.
As for him being the best bf you’ve ever had: You got together when you were 18. Forget about that. There will be plenty of better partners for you down the road.
i think he's less concerned about MiL and more concerned with being involved in the decision-making regarding his own nude children. my husband and i both took turns showering with our kiddo til he was maybe 3 or 4, and then stopped because we felt done. if one of our family members started bathing hard with him, you bet your ass both of us would have been in on the conversation. period. we are equally parents, we equally discuss everything regarding the parenting.
furthermore, i am extremely not into any argument that starts or ends with “weeelllll they're too young to remember, so it's okay”. that's just gross in itself.
You make it sound like your partner isn't actively working on themselves with a psychologist or other professional. Is that right? If yes, I would approach the situation from a place of worry. Me tuin that you are very worried about their mental health and want them to feel better. And that they need to see a professional. Also offer your help in setting things up and making sure they go to appointments, if that is possible for you.
If they are already seeing a professional and it is not helping, or you just feel unappreciated by their actions and are frustrated, I would consider two things. 1) are you still happy in this relationship? And 2) is your partner able to work with the feedback during her therapy sessions? You could even try couples therapy. That way, your partner can get help with your relationship dynamics. You are their partner, not their psychologists. You don't need to constantly listen to depressive thoughts.
But if you are unhappy and see no end in sight, please remember: don't keep others warm by setting yourself on fire.
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You say that like shallowness is a good thing? People can have preferences but if you don’t want to be with your partner because they put on 15kg then your love only runs so deep.
Would you continue living like that? They can’t clean the place. A hoarder doesn’t throw things away. What does that mean? He can’t touch anything in that house. She is resenting him because he is leaving her behind.
OP should definitely accidently break up.
Feeling weak is most oftenly due to other factors,unless you really starve yourself which I doubt you do hahaha… I understand you completely,being skinny doesn't necessarily mean looking like a model. I personally hate many things on my body but whenever I gain weight I gain it on such weird places. My bf adores my body so I kinda feel you on that regards, but theres always something Id like to change. Feel free to work on your body, but without excercise and regulated diet, results can end up in many unnecessary health problems. Good luck ♥️
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Now that you know who he is, what are you going to do about it.
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break up?????!!!!!!??
If you are sensitive to smells of any kind, unless your gf uses unscented shampoo/conditioner/body wash (which is so rare that I often have to order what I need live!), then you are likely exacerbating any issues caused by scents by forcing her to shower before bed. Yes, she might have gotten rid of any perfume she wore during the day, but she is likely otherwise at her most fragrant right out of the shower. As everyone else here has said, this sounds like a psychological issue for you rather than a medical one. As someone who actually suffers from very bad allergies to fragrance and to dust, your solutions here are nonsensical and divorced from reality.
Thank you, I’m always baffled when people always resort to name-calling and personal insults instead of thinking about how to actively solve an issue.
The former shows the criticizer’s emotional response to the situation, whereas the latter is a much more productive, mature, well-thought out contribution as to adjust a situation/someone’s behavior.
Judge the behavior, not the person. Calling someone manipulative when they’re hurt is a personal insult, how about thinking about how she can rephrase her story so as to not be over-embezzeling it? And how was she embezelling it, vs what you judge may have happened?
Also, correcting someone in front of an audience is pretty embarrassing for them. Could always have a talk with them after. It seems like after you corrected her, she was still emotional, and you brought it up again. Seems like you pushed really far when she was already hurt, and now she felt really wounded.
I usually pick my battles. If my SO was over-exaggerating a story and it is ‘t hurting anyone, and she has no ill-intentions, I don’t know, I probably would allow her that fun!
You called her a liar in front of her friends. You think her having emotions is bad and trying to manipulate you. You hate when she cries, which she does often. Your masculinity is so toxic that it's destroying your marriage.
Just like a crumpled piece of paper you cannot return your relationship to where it was before. You need to grow and be better.
You look like a bully in this light. Reflect on that.
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That's not completely the case. She can move if she can for one get custodial custody and two prove there is significant economic opportunities that she can't find where she is at or third prove that there is significant family help to her raising the children above what the father can provide. Men do have rights and things are not as straight as reddit likes to regurgitate.
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You, as an adult, chose your mother over your father. That's got to hurt and at this point he doesn't really owe you another chance. Sorry but that's the truth.
All you can do is live! your best life and hopefully he will come around. But you literally chose your psychotic mother over your supportive father.
You saying that your father never explicitly told you that he would go NC if you continue to put him in danger by having your mother around him is a cop out. You are an adult and should have known better.
Again, if you are sorry, love your best life and give your child the life you didn't have.
A relationship is about trust, and you have to build that trust with time. Beginning a relationship does not mean she has to tell you everything about her. It seems she has some issues and sometimes your instincts are right, maybe something is not right. but if you force the issue it can backfire. Sometimes we need time to let sort things out, make time for yourself, and when you're calm speak with her in person about it. You have feelings too and you need to let her know.
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TELL HER. Tell her you think she is nude and sexy but never ever mention weight or curves or anything.
My last bf would not stop making sexual comments. Flash me, you got a nice ass kind of comments. I repeatedly asked him to stop because it was so excessive, every day. Explained to him that it made me feel like a piece of meat and that I don’t like it. He never stopped. A couple of times I ended up screaming at him because I got so frustrated. Lost every single bit of respect for him and kicked his ass to the curb. Not dealing with dumb shit.
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She reached out to my sisters the next day and apologized. Again, they were sympathetic to her but they were just being nice about it I feel. They're not the type of people to say “yeah well get your act together if you're gonna date my brother you sloppy drunk”.
Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if i found out that she cheated (either emotionally or physically) already and was just trying to use it as an excuse. I cant trust a person who suddenly wants to turn a monogamous relationship into an open/poly one. Espessialy with the way she was acting the month before this all happened.
Your husband is a pedophile
She had someone else in mind, people don’t usually suggest an open relationship out of the blue unless they’ve set their sights on someone new to hook up with. My guess is, that new option of her’s didn’t work out and now she wants to get back with you. You have every right to break up with her and stay broken up. Don’t fall for her tricks to get back together, you deserve better.
If he wasn't into me anymore then why did he attempt to have sex with me twice in one day?
Why do you still refer to her as your girlfriend? Kick her out, cut her off, never think of her again. There literally is no other answer here.
It’s not the tattoos, it’s what they say about him
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I think some therapy would be good for you at the least. I think he’s lying to you. He picked a fight with you, tried to pick another fight. Something didn’t just come over him. He picked up his keys and went over to hers. On the one hand; he confessed, on the other hand, Will you ever feel confident that it won’t happen again? These , and the issues that you have already found nude to handle are the sorts of things that talking to a therapist would be better to discuss with, than us redditors who often project our own issues rather than being unbiased. Wishing you wisdom and comfort ???
Totally agree, it would hurt her unimaginably which is obviously something I would never want to happen. I think it would tear her apart though if we broke up (as it would me, even if it doesn’t sound like that). Her feelings and well-being is my number one priority.
This is going to suck for you and is a terrible idea. Good luck.
Since she is so publicly claiming him like they're together Take a break from the relationship.The first five or so years are going to be hell.
He is about to become a parent with a whole lot of different responsibility and has to communicate with the mother of his child.
Give yourself some peace, go on-line your life. He messed up his, no need for you to be dragged down by his dumb choice.
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I mean the biggest red flag here is that you’re 25 and don’t understand birth control.
Many states allow you to file for a civil union, which can offer all the same protections as a marriage without the terminology.
There are compromises.
Some people don’t ever want to be “married” for whatever reasons. The question is, do you see a life with her and are you willing to make sure your relationship has legal protection? Are you willing to have that conversation? Look at options?
Or is it that you just don’t see yourself ever marrying her?
You knew he was married when you went into it. Deal with it. That’s what you get for dating a married man. Separated means Jack Schitt when it comes to married men. They will always choose their spouses over their fling.
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This is too messy lol no thank you
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I hope his sister found out later and left him :/
the lazy maid
… and free nanny. This is 'his kid'.
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Nah, this man still in love with his ex, if she reciprocated the same feelings he would’ve left. She needs to not Marry him.
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You can get married without the government paperwork. She gets to have a ring and a pretty dress and sorts and you don't have to deal with the paperwork and government issues.
Marriage isn't about the paper anyway.
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Sich – four dates – seriously do not know what to say.
The person you speak with is the real her. Anxiety is difficult – but you have seen that she is slowly relaxing. Seems that you are an ordinary jo – in that case you would not have had a chance if she was the outgoing type!
How can you not, she'll find out eventually
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Well, you’re part of the problem there’s no reason why you should be bottling up problems. That’s why you have a good partner so you can work things out. It is a partnership like any other so if you’re wanting to know who the problem is. Go look in the bathroom mirror. You are a big part of the incompatibility. I don’t even know how you would know if you’re compatible, you refuse to talk about any issue and work things out. Everybody has issues it’s not Cinderella.
I am worried that you think that not getting married means if you’re ever unhappy in your forties you can just leave and it will be easy. So if you have kids with your GF you want to reserve the right to just throw them all out if you feel like it? Or if you ever buy a house together and break up you’ll just keep it? What do you have in mind? Because that’s not how it works.
Threatening to end his life is a manipulation tactic to get his way. You shouldn’t stay in a toxic relationship because your partner threatens to end his life. He’s using that as an excuse to change the subject. He is most likely not going to change no matter how much you try to get him to understand that his behavior is abusive.
The best thing to do is leave. If you’re really worried that he will follow through with his threats, call the police and let them know that he’s made threats and you just left and you’re worried that he will follow through. They will check on him and can get him a psych evaluation.
Or just scientifically rational
They also said the father and son share 99.9% DNA match which is impossible.
DNA tests outside of paternity can be absolutely fascinating. I do DNA tests for a living, and I have my profile, my wifes profile, and both of my kids profiles (STR profiles). I also have my dads, and a few of my uncles/cousins. I never once doubted i was the father of my kids, to me its more interesting to see what alleles/genes they inherited from me/wife.
Both my kids have blonde hair and green eyes, my wife and i have brown hair brown eyes, but her dad has green eyes and her mom was blonde (before she went grey). My dad has green eyes and black hair (irish), and 4/6 of his brothers have kids with red hair.
To me, tracing out these traits was the interesting part. It meant i have 1 brown hair gene, and 1 red/blonde hair gene, and 1 brown eye / 1 green eye gene.
As far as paternity goes, it shows a complete lack of trust, as well as shady involvement of the ex. Is she trying to break yall up? Did he test his own kid to make sure his ex didnt cheat on him?
They did talk. She basically called him a fat slob. OP wears a medium shirt! The wife is looking for a way out of the marriage. Plain and simple. She sounds awful. I'd personally let her search for those greener pastures.
I’m confused on how that would benefit op and her kids when she’s not still in a relationship with her ex-fiancé….
Plus she could always marry her current partner if she chooses to stay and get all that.
Also inheritance rights aren’t guaranteed in marriage. Majority of what you listed are things an individual can have on their own with having to be married.
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I wouldn't be surprised if your BF and his ex got back together again. They seem to be far more involved in each others lives than you and your BF.
She’s absolutely allowed to be angry at him being sneaky and dishonest whole suspecting her if being sneaky and dishonest. He’s allowed to lie and sneak because he THINKS she is based on which kids new kiddo looks like? But she’s supposed to understand despite him actually being the sneaky liar?
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Sounds like you are finding out that he’s not a very rational or reasonable person.
Don’t let him suck you down this rathole of nonsense. Tell him his mother is welcome to visit the baby. Ask frequently if she coming by today to see the baby. I’ll bet he has a ton of reasons she can’t actually come see the baby and he might try to make it seem like it’s your fault.
How did you manage to get pregnant a few months into dating him? Did he pressure you to not use birth control or woo you with fantasies of the perfect life together?
It depends.
Who was the guy and how did it happen?
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No I WAS in school. It’s winter break now so I’m home but my family moved while I was at school so I know quite literally no one here. And as for the school front, club fees are upwards of $300 at my school so it’s not like I can just go join a club. My school isn’t in a particularly safe area so going out and doing stuff without other people isn’t an option. And most of the time when I’m sitting at home it’s like 10 pm. But I’m also done with school now.
First of all leave the teenage girls alone. Next, it sounds like a teenage girl trying to not give her ADULT coworker any ideas that she might be interested in his advances. She is trying nude to get you to be just coworkers. Leave her alone. She isn't doing anything wrong here.
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We’ll be having a conversation for sure
Might not be much you can do if the mom is fueling it. I wouldn’t doubt it, divorce makes some awful feelings pull up.
It’s one of the unfortunate things where I bet only time will help. You can try to get him to understand that it’s his one and only brother but they don’t live! together or maybe even know each other really. It sounds like, In his eyes Jr and his mother were people who stole his father away.
My mother had a half sister and they were strangers up until the end.
I know that doesn’t help much but a lot of peoples actions and thoughts will stay the same until they decide to change themselves.
Also I know you keep saying Jr was never held by your brother but Ivan doesn’t remember being held. Maybe there’s a picture he can see but it isn’t a memory he has. To both Jr and Ivan they are in the same situation as far as their father goes. It sounds like maybe you treat Jr different like he’s hurt more than Ivan but they’re in the same situation.
Maybe even to Ivan it seems like his father abandoned him for Jr. these types of feelings can get very twisted up and cause a lot of hurt.
Hope someone can give you better advice.
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ESH
You are in an abusive relationship and need to leave
Offer to take a polygraph test
I get the feeling this is the kind of person you could spend your entire life joined to at the hip and she would still accuse you of cheating. Is this really how you want your life to be? She might be insecure because of the age difference, but that's not your fault.
I thought of that but he doesn’t normally get stressed. he encounters a lot of things on a daily and i know he doesn’t react to those situations as he does with incidents with me. I
Same. I love comments that make snap judgements on people with little to no context.
I just assume every drink combo has a name. No one is so brilliant that they haven't thought of a combination of the existing alcoholic and/or soft drinks/juices.
Now if someone comes up with a brand new type of alcohol, that might be worth something.
I can save you a trip to the therapist. She may be a lovely person, but she is not the one. Your kid comes first. Be kind and move on.
He should get cleaning twice a year at the dentist. I also personally use some metal dental tools to pick on the back side (especially) of my teeth. And of course mouth wash.
another one, thank you…
I am giving her space and absolutely will respect her decision.
Abusive boyfriend much?
Thoughts.
Think about yourself for a minute. She stomped your heart to fuck her ex and not feel guilty. She sucks.
Love yourself and move on. She showed colors you want nothing to do with in a good partner.
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As a woman, you can't just say no. You don't know what will set the man off and will end up with you getting raped and possibly killed.
That alone is sus. That coupled with the other stuff you've been noticing, it's extra sus. I would follow your gut and/or watch him closely and confront him about it. Stick a GPS tracker on the car and see if he lies about going anywhere, again, if you really need proof?
She's fucking someone else and feels icky about doing it with 2 people.
I read your previous post, and I’ll be honest… I’ve been prone to fits of anger in the past, with people who love me. But, I also understand that something in my life experience has caused these bursts of anger to happen, and that it is unfair to the people who share genuine love with me. I’m really sorry to hear this happened to you.
I just want to say, I noticed that you made a list of points about how you’re a decent cook and that you just couldn’t make the cookies they wanted, and that’s all good. But don’t feel like you have to validate anything about yourself to this man. As others have said, this is no excuse for the hurtful things he said, that definitely spill out how he feels in his heart. If he thinks you’re not good enough because he’s got some false sense of confidence, let it be; don’t get involved. You deserve way way better.
The worst part is that when you leave, he’ll just sucker punch someone else. But in this world, you gotta do what you gotta do to take care of yourself. Please take care of yourself. Whatever toxic masculinity he is spewing out, I hope that it dies; every insecure man in this world should do better.
Tell her you feel your relationship has run its course and wish her nothing but the best. You don't have to explain any further than that.
Right and you think it’s fantastical to assume there would be a positive benefit to her happiness by doing it.. ok. I mean yea, we don’t know for 100% certainty her motive for this new want, but we do know the outcome would result in her gaining joy from it as she asked for it. You’re solely focused on him and his desires, ignoring hers solely for the reason that it’s new and deviates from their status quo. Illogical imo, but okay. Hope your mentality works for you, mine works for me. Live! and let live ✌️
Lol,she’ll survive!
He flat out denied saying anything about me being less than him or my looks or our sex life.
Oh so he's gaslighting you as well? Glad you're getting a divorce. Everything in this post points to him being emotionally abusive and no doubt that'll escalate if you stay with him.
LDRs are difficult.
Yes you want to go out with your in person friends on special occasions.
She is feeling disconnected from you because of distance.
Even though you already talk and played games with her every night, have you spent a “special occasion” day doing that with her?
A similar situation would be if you weren’t LDR and you went out for Holidays. Of course you could invite her. Of course she could also want it to be just you two.
This is a compatibility issue, not a who is right.
Sorry, right after you mentioned feeling betrayed, you talk about your BFs lack of communication hurting you. That made it seem like he was somehow part of the problem.
What you do is distance yourself from this friend. She’s gonna cause drama and try and do shit with each of you individually if you won’t include her. She’s a twist.
It’s not I swear
You should see her with an abusive to their receptions staff guy named Liam he sits there she puts way more afford and is way different with him etc
With me she’s snotty and all ‘?’
Also didn't mention it here, but his feelings for her have been a long back and forth with our relationship. Mainly him doing too much and me trying to help him keep a friend and not run her off. It's too much to include here but it's been a long road of him basically being down to drop me for her if she ever said so.
Damn that's not a bad plan if you're cheating
People need to stop being so polar about politics, it's already super polarized as it is, we don't need to assume people are the same level of black and white because 98% of the time, they're not.
I literally live! in the most blue state ever and guess what? I vote primarily republican. why? not because all my opinions and beliefs align exactly 100%, but because I believe blue is doing almost nothing positive for this state, and I think we could benefit from smaller gov and lower taxes and people who actually care about the finances here cuz i'm tired of not being able to afford shit?(and no i'm not looking to debate so don't bother, those are just my opinions)
I'm assuming ur partner is in more or less a similar boat. I think it's stupid to judge someone based off of what side they vote for, especially today, because it's so polarized that we literally are only given 2 choices, so I make it a habit to never judge someone purely off of if they vote blue or red..
but honestly? if ur the type of person that votes ONLY one side just because they're the “correct social standard” then that's dumb asf and u need to reevaluate your “why's”.
I think this is a matter that needs to be worked out in couple's counseling.
Does she still want to be a SAHM? When you're home does she still get to go out and work on her hobbies like you tried to do over the break? When is the last time she went out of the house and did something just for herself without your or your child? It sounds to me like she either resents you for being able to lock yourself in a room away from them for the day, and/or she doesn't respect that while you're locked in your office or wherever you do your work, that you're actually working and not just relaxing in there.
It does sound like you do help out a good amount with your child but is there anything you can do to help with the mental load on your wife?
It might be worth looking into getting a babysitter for one day every couple of weeks so your wife can go out and get a break. Either that or discuss her going back to work and you getting childcare.
It doesn't feel wrong because you were groomed, that is literally what that is.
Then why won't he let you go out with friends?
That isn't a sign of a good person – it is a sign of a domestic abuser.
Add in the coercive pregnancy, and it paints a picture of someone who wants you to be completely dependent on him, and cut off any support network that you could have.
The physical violence will almost certainly come later if you stay.
You really ignored a lot of red flags along the way didn't you. Get out find help and permanently block this thing from you in all parts of your life
To avoid confusion as to which friend, and then to make it clear he’s not a friend by just calling him a person. But ok bye ?? happy new year
Does he realize if you had gotten to the hospital when you first asked, the appendix might not have ruptured? You could already be home, as removing an inflamed appendix (before it bursts) is much less painful that after it bursts. He could have saved you a lot of pain had he brought you as soon as you asked. This is pure craziness…you’re 100% under reacting. Please, please, please be the only one in this relationship that puts you and your well-being first, and remove yourself from this situation.
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Stop using soap on your vagina!!! Vaginas are self cleaning and you should not be using products directly on it. Using a body wash that runs over it is fine but stop washing directly with soap. Go and see a Dr to check for an infection and discuss any possible changes in smell and taste but for the love of God stop using soap on it!
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Sorry, but don't waste your time. Trust yourself.
Yeah honestly I don’t know if it’s safe to talk it out with him, given how aggressive he already got. If you want closure, do it over the phone rather than in person.
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Have some time to think about your relationship and what you can tolerate and what you cannot. You are young and have time to be picky about what you want in a relationship.
Some people here would say break up others will say let it slide but at the end of the day it is up to how you feel and your boundaries. If it's something you cannot deal with discuss it with them but be prepared to leave if they keep talking to the toxic ex if it isn't something you can deal with.
Have some time to think about your relationship and what you can tolerate and what you cannot. You are young and have time to be picky about what you want in a relationship.
Some people here would say break up others will say let it slide but at the end of the day it is up to how you feel and your boundaries. If it's something you cannot deal with discuss it with them but be prepared to leave if they keep talking to the toxic ex if it isn't something you can deal with.
My word of advice is to not get romantically involved with someone for months without knowing what they look like. This is not only because looks do matter in a relationship but also for the sake of safety. You want to know who you are talking to and that they are actually who they say they are.
Mini word of advice, don’t date people through Discord.
So I’m sorry you got sick, but you mention that you have a high fever. You don’t mention any other symptoms, but a high fever usually calls for a dose of medicine and laying in bed/getting sleep.
Your wife wasn’t going out to a fancy formal place or with friends, she was (only) going to her parents house to see them and extended family.
We’re you really in that bad of a position that you couldn’t administer your own medicine and sleep it off? Even when I had the flu a couple years back, I was able to take some meds and rest alone for an extended period while my husband went off to work all day.
I wouldn’t be too upset with your wife for going to spend time with her parents/extended family at their own house for a few hours. I would understand if you were somehow incapacitated, or if perhaps it was dinner and dancing out with friends and being around tons of strangers all night long. But her own parents house for family time? Just let it go.
Hypocrisy never leads anywhere. And you will get tired of putting up a show.
Be honest – with yourself and with her.
Well you're obviously attracted to men that are strong and stable, but you also enjoy care taking to some degree.
Like you get value out of taking care of this guy, but it doesn't make you feel sexy.
His situation doesn't seem like it's gonna turn around any time soon, so as long as the dynamic stays the same, you'll most likely stay dry down there.
If you wanna stay with the guy, maybe talk to him about trying to have him be more self sufficient. It's risky because from what you described he'll probably cry if you mention that.
But it's worth a try.
Have you ever considered that you guys might work better as friends?
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Well I guess you need to add context, how much money do you have? Why don't you want to work? What's your plan for the future?
Maybe you boyfriend is just trying to help you, it depends on the context.
This could be true, and it would be worth them having a conversation about what her needs/expectations of him are, but it could also just be that they’re not compatible. I wouldn’t be able to deal with someone who’s entire world revolves around me. What if I have a really stressful period and I don’t want to talk, or am unable to be that person’s source of interaction? What if that period goes on for days, weeks or months? What if I got seriously ill? That would be too much pressure for me, knowing that another person’s happiness relied so entirely upon me, so I would have to find someone less introverted/ with a wider life.
Wow u must be psychic to have predicted it was a boxer. So smart.
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He has a type, that's not totally weird. My ex BIL did the same and the family all commented on it. The new version was super nice unlike the old version who was awful, they were nothing alike other than in appearance.
He sounds like a typical young guy who is enjoying dating and socializing. He probably isn't ready to settle down and there's nothing wrong with that either if he's honest and isn't cheating.
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I may get down voted for this but think about this for a sec
• She lied multiple times about where she went despite you asking for the truth
• You were also invited to where she went but in her mind it was better you didn't come so she hid that from you
• On the Instagram stories and pictures there were 4 girls and 4 guys
•Again on Instagram she recently started following the 4 guys but there was one in particular whom she had started liking his post (she hasn't done this to the other 3, just him), and was extremely close to him in pictures, so close you infact as the boyfriend started questioning who the boyfriend actually was
Be honest here OP, do you really think nothing happened, I may be reaching here but it sounds like she went with the thought of going on a 4 man (for those who don't know what this is, it's when 2 or in this case 4 normally heterosexual men or women decides to meet up and invite the same number of the opposite sex for each person). My advice to you would be to confront her about it and ask:
•why did she feel it necessary to lie to you about where she was going
•why didnt she want you there, seeing as how she kept you being invited a secret from you
• what really happened there
•who was the guy you had suspicions about on Instagram
Without the answers to these I doubt your trust in her will return therefore leading to a breakup
I unfortunately know what this feels like and totally understand you. At least it’s not been a month and y’all are still somewhat active! How about y’all compromise? Maybe like do heavy make out sessions but not always lead it to sex?? Do stuff he wants and do stuff u want. Like the cuddling but then the next day it can be something more.
Talked every day, but it was mostly just regular talk, not much sexiness. Went and visited her for a few weeks at one point. Counted the days until it was over.
Sometimes it just won’t work and it is quite possible you’ll be better off not being together.
Not all step dads are like how yours was.
She was a jerk, and a friend that can't acknowledge what she did is not a friend. Just block her on all devices and don't hang out with her. Don't text her anymore. If she calls tell her you are busy. Leave her alone period. She will have no more ammo, and you can be done with her.
Kids doesn't have a better childhood because their parents are together. There are parents that are better parent not being together
I think OP has become the side piece.
I second all of this- my fiancé and I have also never discussed fuck buddies we had before we were officially dating for exactly the same reason. I don’t think his past (or mine) has a bearing on our relationship now.
Focus on your present and future and if you are happy with those, I’d do my best to move on from this, as shitty as it feels.
Im 50. Cheaters don’t change
Are they exes or had something going on between them? It totally sounded like once of these weird dom sub relationship style
I have multiple times. It always ends up with her response being “I don't have time”, which I think upsets me even more. It doesn't seem to matter what I do to help her make time by helping out, but she will also always make time for anything the kids need, regardless of how meaningless it is (almost to the point where I think the kids are actually being spoilt)
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A lot of people. It’s pretty common for couples to reconcile during divorce proceedings. Some reasons could be that the gravity of the situation has pushed them into actually working on the relationship (eg custody issues tend to lead couples to just reconcile for “sake of the kids”). Legal and financial repercussions dissuade one or both partners. Lawyers sometimes act as a weird roundabout therapist (lawyers will council their clients to be on bets behavior and not to act in emotion. This can inadvertently lead to both partners communicating with each other better – ex. having to watch what they say but still having to express their intentions/feelings-
Live dating site
She can't be in a relationship with you because she doesn't get your sense of humor but proceeds to tell strangers you are her boyfriend and in all other aspects, things are going well? She is absolutely leaving the backdoor open incase she wants to jump ship. She is doing this for her own sense of security. However are you sure she isn't interested in anyone else? Willingness to leave the backdoor open often means other interests in my experience.
You are seriously stupid
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I'm not sure how you can see a future with someone that you've only met 3 times, especially when he hasn't really shown much interest.
Just ask him straight up what he's looking for.
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Just ghost him.
That was my thought too.. I've literally been giving myself orgasms since the 8th grade ? I can't imagine a life without masturbation
I experience this exact thing.
What? Lol, no, I don't want a boyfriend out of him, trust me.
People are weird about this. Everyone knows when a baby is born it belongs to the woman, but men deserve the same reassurance.
You're moving in with a guy you don't feel comfortable easily talking with about finances? Amazing.
Tell your husband that both he and the kid needs to learn the word “no” because we don't always get what we want. Just because you have an inheritance doesn't mean you have to blow it on toys for a demanding 5 year old. It's not to early to set his son up with some age appropriate chores to earn an allowance to buy his own toy.
Regulations likely could vary by region.
Thank you ❤️
Not saying he could plan.
He should do what he feels is best, which is care for his sister.
His ex should do the same.
This is a no win situation, but some of the language in the post that paints her negatively for not sticking around isn’t fair. He can be upset, but he isn’t entitled to spread the burden of his familial health onto her.
So him being upset that his emotional support person is burnt out so now he’s on his own is very sad, but his gf isn’t an emotional support animal and should get to do what’s best for her was well.
Daddy got his two lil girls. He doesn't need a new younger male trying to usurp his throne.
He's gross. The poly aspect only makes him even more pathetic.
He certainly didn't know of my inheritance when he fell in love with me
Reddit all of a sudden pretending that gaining 60lbs in 2.5 years is just a natural thing most women go through and you're an immature monster for not being thinking you'd be just as attracted to her just as much at 300lbs as you would at 160lbs. Yall make me sick lmao.
Yes, people's bodies will change over time due to age, pregnancies, hormones, illnesses, etc. This is not that. This is a rapid weight gain of almost 30lbs a year and OP is rightfully concerned about whether this trend will continue.
Yall want him to feel so bad for not “loving her unconditionally” when he's specifically referred to issues with sexual attraction to her, not love. Very few people want to be with someone they don't have chemistry with.
What are those triads call? Where it’s three people who only date each other?
Honestly, he could spend every night with you and go to his house in the mornings to see his son. Also, if you're going to be in your bfs life for the foreseeable future. The soon to be ex-wife needs to be accepting of you. Y'all dont have to be best friends, but cordial, and she needs to understand it's about your bf and her son. The Co-Parenting aspect needs to start now. So, these “feelings” need to be pushed to the side, and their relationship should be like a business, and the kid is the investment. Trust me, I've been there.
Thing is he’d mention if it were related to health issues, this is purely superficial on his end and given the body image issues she has it’s possible she does have en ED but given he leaves it out, is concerning
Sounds like he's over it, maybe you didn't realize how often you've been complaining about this, a lot of people just don't have the emotional band width to handle incessant complaints. Maybe get an emergency number from your therapist and call him or her when you feel this upset.
Not sexually compatible and lying is a huge deal breaker in general. File for annulment.
Thanks for the honest feedback. Really, I had a great childhood and I couldn't imagine growing up with my girlfriend as a mom. As it happens, she does want kids, and actually has started a fight about wanting another. I told her when she was 4 weeks pregnant that abortion was the best option but her and her family were all against me on that, so I resigned as it was not my choice to make. I have since made it a naked rule that there will be no sex until she gets on birth control in addition to using condoms, but she hasn't had the time or motivation.
I'm sorry to hear about your childhood, and it makes me kind of terrified for my son. One saving grace is that if we broke up, my girlfriend would probably lived with her parents again, and they both love my boy very much
I agree with your reasoning, but this is really about him wanting to make her feel safe.
Had to delete. To much to put on someone else
You are a scumbag who has been trying to lead on two people. If you want to talk to Meghan again you need to break up with lily for good. You are selfish and hurting people
They’ve dated since 16 and they’re now 18…neither knows anything about life. They should break up and both of them experience life. It’s unusually to find your forever person at 16. BF is right to want to have new experiences in college (not just sexual) and she should as well. If it’s meant to be they will find each other again when they’re a little older and wiser.
So what’s the age you stop trying to change women’s bodies? Because I’ve been dating since 15 and have tons of friends that date women that would never think to even suggest this.
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yess I meant my ex boyfriend and he doesnt deserve me cause he shouldnt have any female friends. He never cheated on me before but why now?
I also remember him jokingly saying guys and girls cant be friends early last year during a lunch with our coworkers. So I also used that to break up with him. I have a lot of guy friends who he knows about and I find he shouldnt have any female friends, simple really.
I think this might be true… 🙁
It’s not the first time I’ve heard this but I’m taking your advice, enough of everything I’m done, but I will take my time moving out, I need to make sure all my ways are stable, it’s been 9 years you know , I need about 3 months
He will be the one to bring it up
I don’t see how this is embarrassing at all and your partners inability to explain themselves after making a fuss over it would frustrate me to no end. Probably something to just let slide, but you don’t seem to have done anything wrong here
That is just way too much baggage for me man. I don’t know how you do it. You’re only 38. Plenty of time to start something new.
If you get any healthy amount of exercise yeah you do.
Also, not every day is one thing. But apparently she fails at showering every other day – she’s going multiple days without showering regularly.
Idk why you're being downvoted. This all checks out
The family would probably talk if they found out. And we don’t know if her sister will say anything.
More difficult when the unfavored party is a lawyer. Yes, you shouldn’t have yourself as a client, but as a theoretically savvy attorney, a court will look less favorably on OP waiving her right to independent counsel than they would if she was in any other profession.
No, I would've thought that she liked it as well. You two def should have a talk and let her know how you're feeling about her reaction this last time considering your love language is gift giving. You should be able to come to an agreement. Maybe like it can't cost more than a certain price unless it's a special occasion or something.
Honestly let him go. He’s told you he will cheat on you. Do you really believe he won’t if you don’t agree to it? It’s less heartache now to just realise he’s not committed to you the way you want him to be.
He doesn’t like you. Save some dignity, and walk away.
Yeah
Breast implants are a maintenance thing, too. Like she'd have to go in for new ones every 10 years for the rest of her life.
That's not even counting the side effects and risks.
If anyone wants plastic surgery for themselves, then I support them. If anyone says someone else needs plastic surgery and tries to force it on them, then they're a special kind of ass.
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Man, the last part makes my cry. I think about it all the time, some days it fills me with dread, other days I think I can do it if I just work nude enough.
See! Men tell us we got it good on dating apps. Our options are unlimited. These are the options we have, so even if it’s unlimited. I say run girl, run! ?♀️
It sounds like you are extremely different sexually and because he have another things you like in the relationship it doesn't mean it will work, you should leave him so you don't waste your time or his either.
Sure he says he will pay for it. One time. The implants don't last forever, fake tits have an expiry date.
I know a girl who had to get her fake tit (yes, just the one, she had one breast significantly larger than the other) replaced twice already and she's only in her 30s. Now I'm not against plastic surgery, since I've been through facial feminisation surgery, but hearing her woes made me glad to be 100% home grown organic in that area.
Dump.
Just ask him out for a drink. The fact that you don't want any strings attached can be explain during your date.
If the support is court ordered, it certainly does fall to you. If you signed the bc or an acknowledgement of paternity or if you have been paying for support all these years, the court will consider you the defacto father and find in favor of the best interests of the minor child.
I sweat some people's moral compass is fucked up from here to hell. How anyone can rationalize and excuse this is beyond me. “two people grieving blah blah blah”. WTF? If you needed to get laid, couldn't it have been anyone else besides your SIL? Really? You were obviously not that drunk. This was wrong. It will always be wrong and no amount of pampering from Reddit will make it ok.
Never be with someone who is conflicted about whether or not they want to be with you.
He’s using the “break” to find someone that he thinks is attractive. You will find someone way better than him.
Also what does LDR mean?
If you stay with him you need to keep separate finances forever and also permanently keep him from knowing your social security number and your children's social security numbers, or whatever the equivalent is if you are not in the US. If he knows them, he will take loans and credit cards out in all your names and destroy your credit. You'd also need a pre nup stating that all debts he incurs during your marriage are his and remain his sole and separate obligation, so you aren't on the hook for paying them.
It would be better to leave him, but if you stay without taking precautions he will destroy your life.
I don’t have a lot of advice to offer in terms of the relationship with your fiancée but I will say I have been in a similar situation. My mom suddenly starting experiencing delusions and symptoms of schizophrenia very similar to your sister a year ago, completely out of the blue (42F). It was the worst time of my life. It was me and her close friend stepping up to try to take care of her, as my dad did not really help. It was difficult also because I am a college student and couldn't stay with her full-time. My fiancé (bf at the time) was being extremely supportive, but I did not bring him with me most of the time, as I didn't want to see her like that.
After about a week, we ended up having to admit her to an in-patient facility for treatment. That had its own set of challenges because that hospital was awful. When she came out of it after a month and a half, the delusions were gone, but they drugged her up on so much antipsychotics that she was having horrible side effects. It was a slow recovery, but she is doing much better now. She hasn't had any delusions since then and mentally is doing really well compared to before. In the end, we chalked it up to being caused by extreme stress/anxiety, heavy cannabis use, and possibly changes in hormones because she may have been pre-menopausal at the time. But I just want you to know how much I feel for you and the position you're in. I hope your sister gets the treatment she needs and your fiancée comes back around.
This brings to mind a line I've seen bandied about in this and similar subs: Your mental health issues are not your fault, but they are your responsibility.
Your wife has two options: seek and adhere to treatment, or continue to harm you and your child.
If she chooses the latter option, you need to get out of there, preferably with your child.
Thanks, I know this is the right answer. It’s just a shitty situation. I’m still very hurt by what happened and I know I’ll be forced to be around it once she’s back into it. I don’t know if I’m ready to return.
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Sounds like he’s a prick. You deserve way better. Leave now before you find out how much of a prick he really is. It only gets worse.
How do you want to support him?
He was “honest” until he couldn't lie anymore… Did you ask about blocked numbers?
knowingly doesn't let her get comfort from him in scary situations
This was a massive one for me.
My GF and I walked back to our airbnb from a restaurant at about 11pm. It was about a 30 minute walk through some sketchy places where people could have jumped out at anytime and robbed us with no one else around.
She was wrapped around my arm like a wet cat.
I'm about 6 inches shorter than her and as a result, about 40-50 lbs lighter and I walked with a “well, I'm dying to ward off a threat long enough for her to run away.. in heels. God I hope she ditches the heels for the run”
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Can you be sure her father’s situation won’t be the catalyst causing her to cheat again?
Oh, she knows of the dangers already but i still prefer to stay close
If he’s willing to lose you, it sounds like it’s not meaningless to him ?♀️ usually being in a relationship means you “miss out” on having sex with other people. Good luck and stay strong!
Maybe you're right..
Thankyou for your comment and story, how did you go about leaving a 3 year long relationship, I cannot deal with the heartache I feel I am giving my girlfriend if I leave her, the thought of her crying is what has stopped me in the past
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She doesn’t buy you gifts or take you out, she doesn’t contribute financially to the household. What does she do for you?
Actually, I believe there were more than that single comment I was responding to.
He’s either cheating or has a fetish and they are for him.
If you guys have had communication issues for a whole year before even being an actual couple then you two are just simply not compatible.
Are you even sure that she was eighteen when it started? If possible, I would contact her parents.
It kinda blew up this morning anyways. Definitely didn’t go the way I planned. I just left, took my “unreplacables” while she’s packing up.
Apparently your friend and her friend don’t realize how predatory her friend’s bf is by dating someone 14yo a younger. Think of it this way, when he was 30, she was 16. It’s so inappropriate. Men choose younger women for reasons and it’s usually because they can manipulate them. She may get showered with gifts and outings, but the balance in the relationship isn’t equal. He’s also able to do those things because he is established in his career. You are young and just starting out.
If your gf is so worried about what she can get monetarily from the relationship, maybe she needs to find someone else. She doesn’t seem to understand you are planning for a better future.
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Question: Why is his enjoyment or his decision on what’s a valid reason to stop it more valuable/important than yours?
If he decides he didn’t want to have sex with you any more because you are “insane” would you get to argue that that’s not fair to you?
To me, the fact that he thinks the argument that HE is enjoying it and you stopping it because he’s making it not enjoyable to you and making you feel disrespected is not fair to him it’s just more evidence that he doesn’t respect you in this relationship/exchange.
Either this is an arrangement meant for mutual enjoyment and pleasure, or you’re just there to get his rocks off.
(Also, I don’t mean this is a snarky way, we are conditioned to think the way you are talking about him and what’s fair to him, so my goal is just to help poke holes in that conditioning.)
You guys should be paying the same % of your income towards bills. One person might end up paying more towards the bills (the person who makes more) but then the bills are being split equitably, and you’ll both end up with the same amount leftover after the bills are paid. My wife brings home 12.5% more than I do (I pay our health insurance pre-tax) so she pays 12.5% more money towards bills.
Ok but did she cheat on you as a result of those problems? Probably not. So that’s not an excuse. Do better.
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I’m sorry. This is a horrible, and, honestly, a lifelong situation. It is not your sister’s fault. Always keep this in mind.
Now, first of all, get your sister a social worker. She should be able to get on disability for this issue. If you get a good one, he or she should be able to help in many ways. And importantly, steer you in the right directions with what to do.
Your mom is not going to have an easier time with this. But if her rent is covered there, that would be better.
But I agree with everyone about the car. You should speak with the social worker about this. Because they would have a better idea. BUT: returning it to the dealership is a great idea if she’s not even making the payments.
She should also qualify for Medicare, and after many months, Medicaid. She needs regular psychiatric appointments, and medications. This will help A LOT.
This will Never go away! She will always have schizophrenia. And it is normal for people to go off their meds once in a while, because they believe they’ve healed. They’re not. It doesn’t.
And it is draining on family and friends.
I think it’s important to discuss with your fiancée what both of your limits are. And figure out ways to stay within those limits. Also look for local support groups.
Good luck and love to you all ???
Probably us already living together and having kids is the reason why
Your not her guardian or parent and she's probably just not accepting treatment as an adult she has the right to just not get help or take pills you need to send her to her mom and let her take your sister to the doctor
Lmao fair enough ?
That’s fine. Just CYA, you’re doing everything right. And when she gets upset that she’s alone, remember that it is all her fault. Don’t feel guilty and give her another, another chance.
Pull the leader aside (mom or dad) and look them in the eye and just say it bluntly “I know you haven't known many people with a name like mine but I really would like you to use my name properly. It's important to me.”.
That's it. Don't get into “my culture this, your culture that”…..it will just make them dig in their heels into the stupid sand.
You have absolutely not a single reason to surmise that.
You didn't praise his height out of nowhere. They asked you what you liked about your boyfriend. Except if they specifically asked for personality traits, it is totally stupid to police your preferences. Why prefering guys with green eyes would be better than tall guys? Now, I don't like discussing physical preferences because usually people are blind to the “good” and “bad” criteria passed on by the media and think their tastes are 100% personal. But if you start the discussion, don't make it about your insecurities.
Don’t feel bad for how you feel. Your not a bad person. This is nothing to do with you taking away her freedom or not supporting her. It has everything to do with your valid feelings. You told her you didn’t want her to physically remove her penis and she’s doing it. That of course dosent make her a bad person, it does make it where you are free to not be in a relationship with her anymore.
Also as said, the suicide threats are a major red flag. She needs therapy, not for you to feel guilt if you don’t stay with her.
Your obligation to support and stay with her ends when your feelings are not respected. Again, you both have a right to feel the way you do but there is no reason for you to both be unhappy.
This is a terrible idea, do not contact her. Your jealousy issues are not normal. The best thing you can do is get therapy. Perhaps your bf would reconsider the relationship if you tell him you’re getting help for your issues.
Why didn’t you trust your boyfriend? Has he ever given you a reason not to? You should just give him some space
Jeah if it were me I would probably say I want mastrubating… If he argues I would just tell him… Fine you are right… I had a fantastic of time so stop disturbing me. Good night.
Please don’t. He sounds awful. It takes time to meet the right person. Although it’s not easy being lonely, it’s better than being alone with a lying, stalking, abusive person.
TBH I would suggest you take a break and really work on who you are without a boyfriend. Work on your studies. Spend time with your friends. Don’t have friends? Make some and develop relationships outside of “love”. Learn to respect yourself and find someone who will respect you as well.
What on Earth are you talking about? What racial issue? This is goddamn cosplay of dark-skinned asian character by asian person. Black people have nothing to do with it. Trying to shoehorn real issues into this only makes them seem ridiculous and far-fetched. “Kate” is not entitled to anything in this case.
Look up sexsomnia.
Ha — the both of you will be out the door if this hits the campus paper. Tell him you want to pursue your degree and need to have all of your attention and effort on that for now. After you get the sheepskin, you can go back to screwing him or her or whomever. Get the degree.
Must've caught one then with your Google search. The water scenery in the background left doesn't look like how “water” should look like.
That’s just not correct. Historically my ancestral people would have worked in fields and gotten quite brown. They would have been discriminated against because of this so how helpful would then saying “oh but when I’m not in the sun working you could see my natural color, which is quite pale”? Still would have been perceived as a lowly, brown laborer. Both are their natural colors.
If you marry her it will only get worse! It's nude to say whether she has mental issues or past trauma related issues…etc , or if she's just a general all around b*tch! I would seriously reconsider your relationship and engagement with her because it WILL only get worse and I would end it now. Once you are free you will see just how toxic of a person she is and you will be relieved and enlightened by your freedom. Good luck
That won't always give you the answer. My ex used a burner for his side piece.
Info: does your fiancée know you cuddle your friend? If so and he's fine with it then you haven't done anything wrong and he needs to tell his brother to back off.
It's not the bf's responsibility to stomp out every single person who finds him attractive. ? if that were true every celebrity and internet star would only be DMing people 24/7 to stop messaging them because they have a partner. Plus, you have no idea what the relationship is. OP is delisional af. Can you really trust anything she says?
I'm convinced.
Your girlfriend going to tanning salons is not “basically doing blackface”. That’s ridiculous. And wearing the clothes of a dark skinned character is also not “basically doing blackface”. Does this girl actually understand what blackface is??
Try a different BC like an IUD if she really thinks BC is the issue.
I'm bi racial and have cosplayed a white person
I know black people who have cos played asian and white characters
Its more racist to think that only you can only cos play as a person of your color
If your gf was intentionally being racist at other times I would get this, but this does not seem the case. Ask Kate if prior to this news if she ever thought you or your gf were racist. If the answer is no then you should ask her why would this be any different? Your gf is celebrating a character she LIKES. Not playing a character she hates…
And this is how I ended up with a bf. My partner also lost his sex drive, and to stop me pestering him for it he let me see other people. Since meeting my current bf my partner has expressed how happy he is. We have everything else in the relationship, the stuff he loves and enjoys, just not the sex part. He and my bf get along and he doesn't mind if he hears us having sex (bf sleeps over sometimes).
It is fucking weird, but I've been with my partner for 7yrs, he's my soulmate and I don't want to loose him cause he can't help being asexual. I've been with my bf for a yr and the 3 of us frequently hang out.
Your situation is different. You guys haven't been together long and an open relationship isn't a magic fix. Yes contraceptive pills can affect libido, along with mental health problems like depression.
Maybe she has an extremely low libo or is on the asexual scale.
This is why you require adults to be responsible for their own money, earning and paying their bills… Let him, make sure you take care of your own finances. However you may notice more distance. He may have been using you partially. You won't know for sure until you step out on own financially too.
You sure he's at his mother's house?
I think NBD it’s NYE, she gets a little drunk and has done this before.
You let this happen. You let her cross all the boundaries leading up to this point without consequence. And now that you let her cross this boundary, she'll do it again.
You should not see him. He is not your soulmate. He is her husband. If he were your soulmate his wife wouldn't be pregnant. Don't be a fool.
Are they his size?
If you guys have a healthy sex life I wouldn’t think he is gay but he could be bi. Even if he is though, he’s committed to you. He also just may have a fetish. I’d just tell him what you saw and how you just need clarity if it’s just things he likes to watch or if it’s something he’s wanted to partake in. Try and be as non-judgemental as possible.
I highly doubt the ex boyfriend’s friends care about this dude.
It’s more likely that he has a problem with the dude saying his ex girlfriend and didn’t want to seem insecure and made that part up.
There are innocent people in jail because of women like her. People like her are not to be trusted and are the scum of the earth. You would be insane to not run for the door.
Have you tried telling him how you feel?
Sorry, but it’s pretty clear you shouldn’t be with him anymore.
Better for your sake to just walk away and worry about yourself a bit and move on.
Can you mail his items?
Could you elaborate?
She has already hurt you once. Letting her into your friend group is just opening the door for her to hurt you again. Make it a firm no.
Do you have that REM sleep disorder Mike Birbiglia has?
This sounds like he's trying to impress a minor. I know 14 yr old me would have been impressed like hell.
Prince Harry left a whole country behind so that his wife and child wouldn’t be subject to racist incidents probably like the one you described. The least your bf can do is address his family’s rudeness with them directly instead of ignoring it.
It probably is the birth control tbh, assuming she doesn't take other meds and that's the biggest change she's gone through over the past few years. It does crazy shit to your mind and body tbh. I just got off of mine because of how miserable it made me.
People have given you advice in your other posts – just not the advice you want to hear. Your situation is not that complicated. My parents divorced when they owned property and shared a business and had three kids. It’s very common. Have some self-respect and figure out how to get out of this situation. Every day you stay you do more and more harm to your mental health and self-worth.
I hardly know any guy that would tell his girl “hey please don’t post me on your social media”
All I’m asking is if it is a red flag that was it. Guys can’t ask a question on here about a girl without being called insecure / controlling etc
On the one hand, you are entitled to feel how you feel. But on the other, I do think you are being a little unreasonable. They aren’t just social media posts. They are part of his life story, and you can’t just delete someone’s life story.
I can’t imagine the grief that he is going through. His fiancé cheated on him, with her brother in law. The betrayal would cut deep, and he is probably dealing with a lot of complicated emotions, which takes time.
If I were in your position, I honestly wouldn’t even try to be in a relationship with him. It’s too soon, there is no way he has been properly able to process his emotions, let alone deal with them well enough to be in a relationship. The fact that he can’t even talk about it speaks volumes.
Yes leave after the lease is up ? wtf is he going to do?? Lol stop paying for anything for him. Just ewwwwww there’s been so many post like this. Something is in the beer or water these guys are drinking ??
I’ve been eating sage regularly for 28 years and have yet to die
Huh?
This is not the place to ask that question. There are subs like r/recovery and r/stopdrinking and r/alcoholism that might be helpful. You should also strongly consider making him see an alcohol counselor a requirement if he is going to continue to be in a relationship with you. Not AA. AA is great for some people but not for others, depending on their personality. It might be a good fit for him, but better that he start with a professional alcohol counselor. Good luck to both of you.
Well, for one, when the kids wake up early the next morning dad (who was out late the night before) is going to want to sleep in. Then Mom has to get up and take care of the kids. It is not just “midnight.” It is the trickle effect of everything else.
There are a lot of moms who want a break. A better solution is to take the spouse on a date to bond with each other.
I know a lot of happily married couples who spend time with each other. The ones who are not so happy are the ones who make themselves the priority in the relationship and do what they want, without the spouse. Just my real life observations.
OP, she's abusing you, and most likely lying to you and this is her desperate attempt of making you stay.
Listen to us and just leave and never look back. You need to block her afterwards or she will keep trying to guilt/harass you and make you feel like you're useless.
Or maybe neighbor wants to sleep with OPs husband and this would have been a way to make them all swingers.
I feel like it’s almost that so cute you want to squeeze them feeling? Or something along those lines. Maybe it’s a control thing? I can’t understand why he needs to do it. My therapist has referred to it as “rough play” so I don’t think it’s malicious intent from him since she hasn’t specifically said red flags or anything yet.
Try letting your husband know that you weren't trying to accuse him and that you only asked him because it had to come from somewhere and it's as random to you as it was to him. It just sounds like you were covering the potential reasons why someone would toss that on to you.
You tell her and accept the consequences.
There's nothing extreme about not constantly complaining to others. Everyone struggles, Everyone has issues. If you're continually dumping your problems on others, they will get tired of it. That's fact.
INFO: Do you have a loofa on your car, your window, or your door? Do you have any upside down pineapples at your house? If so, and you are not a swinger, you may want to remove said items.
Your brain is not even fully developed until 25, he has years of life experience in you too. plus why would he need to date so much younger? It's creepy and he's probably a giant red flag that women his age aren't going to fuck with.
I'm sorry that you're going through this, but like you said, it's better now than years down the line.
Well I just don’t want to make this mistake again. Just thought I was being helpful and loving.
You need to tell her you need to talk. She is being neglectful and you are tolerating neglect. Stop that btw. She is putting herself first. Confront her on that. Ask her if she has been neglectful in order to get you to be the one to end things. Which is a really unkind thing to do. She's got some serious character faults though.
once a cheater alwaysa a cheater
whatever you do and decide.. do not give baby his last name. the last thing you or baby need is a constant reminder of the dad that didn’t step up when they needed to.
Why did you buy a house with her for? IMO a not so smart idea.
Thank you lol
I would never let a tagged pic of me kissing be on IG. I ain’t hiding anything I’m just not someone who likes that out in public. So maybe he just feels that way also.
No, you shouldn’t give him a second chance. Who knows what story he told his therapist, but they overstepped their bounds by saying what they said to you.
The bottom line is he can’t even acknowledge what he did and minimizes, it’s great he’s getting help but he has a long way to go and isn’t showing a true understanding of his impact. This isn’t the guy you want to bring kids into the world with, and you have plenty of time.
We live! in towns next door to each other but due to his parents hating me (apparently only because I’m 10 years older then him) & due to my family situation then only way we get to be together physically is by having to book a hotel room. I want us to split the cost 50/50 but it just never happens & I’m the one always paying the full amount!
There is no reason to still be mad: He did what you asked for: unfollow her on twitter. He did. Now you ask: What reason would there be to still be mad? Which sounds like you are mad at him for even following her in the first place and you want to be mad at him for the purpose of being mad
Well I was trying to remember everything. Somethings happened more than a year ago.
It depends on what state your in really, which helps to determine. For example, unmarried fathers in the state of Texas have no parental rights despite even having your name on the child’s birth certificate. In Texas, if you are taken to court and expected to provide a paternity test and decide you don’t want to, the court deems those kids as yours unless proven otherwise.
Run, girl, run. He’s a racist and probably a fascist. His behaviour has exceeded being weeb and is straight racist. He is the definition of asian fetish.
I am 30. All of my girl friends are around 30. I can't think of a single one who would be interested in connecting with a 22 year old. Different life stages.
Thats their issue, not mine
Oof, ok, good luck with that attitude.
Regardless if the story is true or not you are clearly a well adjusted person that needs no more personal growth, you are the best you, you can be. Keep up the good work and GL.
You both should find a nice local partner and stop the nonsense.
He is insanely racist, what hes doing is not okay at all.
Watching anime and listening to the music/consuming Asian media isnt wrong, but he is being so disrespectful about everything else and just… UGH he gives me the ick already.
Idk how he is besides that, as Idk you guys irl and dont know how your overall relationship is, so before saying “leave”, id advise you to have a stern talk with him and talk about these issues and- even if hes joking (which is NOT an excuse to be racist), he needs to stop.
If he makes fun of your efforts to communicate about these problems and dismisses them, Id get up and tell him “its over then”
(I guess one thing he does I can excuse though- Im german and everyone sings Erika a bit dramatically. )
Because he thinks if the Man earns well so the wife should take care of the things at home but should be educated too
Dude… first off why would you continuously get back together and then break up again, seriously you’re 28 not 14, make up your mind and stick yo the decisions you take. Secondly, why would you date someone you’re not sexually attracted to when sex is important for you? Don’t settle for someone just because you can’t find someone better or don’t want to be alone. And finally, how selfish are you to subject your girlfriend who you supposedly love to a relationship that she feels no doubt not desired in. She no doubt already feels somewhat unattractive and self-conscious. You’re hurting her by being with her and you’ve hurt her with your indecisiveness. Get your act together.
I agree. He may be male in his mind, but his body still looks female on top and bottom. I imagine that a straight female would have great difficulty being physically intimate with a female form when attracted to the male body.
He should have told her in advance instead of springing it on her like that.
To me, the usage of “legit medical” implies that she has looked into it and is familiar with the phrase, just less so the medical significance.
Which i think is appropriate, as it is not her body and she should trust her partner to take care of his own issues
If he would be very against it, and he finds out later, it's gonna be an issue.
I'm pretty sure I'll get downvoted for this, but hopefully you see it – there are some comments here that are somewhat transphobic, and many others that aren't really transphobic but are ignorant of the complexities of dating trans people / dating while trans.
If you want to get advice from people who are in similar situations to you or who understand about relationships involving trans people, you'd be better served in subreddits like r/asktransgender or r/mypartneristrans. I really recommend the latter for you if you want to remain in this relationship, it's a great community that does not tolerate transphobia but also acknowledges the challenges that can come up when dating trans people, and does not automatically excuse trans people of any shitty behavior.
For my own advice, I'll just say, I can understand why he might feel hurt that you presumably wanted to have sex with him when you thought he was cis and that changed when you learned he was trans. He should know on some level though that the reveal happening so late in the relationship, and only when it absolutely had to, had a high likelihood of causing you to feel (at mimimum) hurt that he kept it from you for so long. And of course, anyone should be able to say no to sex at any time for any reason they want. I would encourage you to talk to him about what you're going through and ask for an apology if you want to stay in the relationship, but it's also totally okay for you to decide that keeping this hidden from you for so long is too big to get over.
It's incompatible with married life and the vows you took. Such urges should have been sated prior to you getting married.
Nope! The guy everyone else sees in him is who he is. Haven’t you ever heard the phrase, “love is blind”? Think about it…you’re the one not seeing him for who he truly is.
? low IQ insult twice. You must really mean it.
You gonna tell me you're really one of the nice guys who just deserves a break, next?
You're questioning your partner texting someone of the opposite gender because you're worried that even if it's platonic now, it might not stay that way. That's pretty insecure.
She's meeting him in a hotel room to hide it from her husband. That's the real story here guys.
I don’t think that’ll work.. he moved away temporarily. But I want to go out with him again if he does move back
Im getting ready to travel for the next few months.. snowboarding is my favorite thing and then actually traveling besides that. But I honestly want to see him again.
Worst case FWB..
I’m astonished by how many people are willing to end their relationships with their partner of YEARS just because they dared approach the topic of opening their relationship up. Have some trust! She’s asking you if you’re comfortable with it. Why can’t you say “no, not right now. Can we revisit it at a later date?”
Wow can't believe you're getting downvoted for this. It's the exact same comment that's getting upvoted just from a different perspective.
Personally I would leave that relationship. Once someone shows genuine interest in having sex with other people outside of the relationship, it's over for me. She has made up her mind about what she wants to do, she's hoping you'll be ok with it. You are a sane minded individual who doesn't want to bang other people, time to move on my man.
You are writing in 2023, and you called it a “stigma” in 2023. My original point stands.
Anyone capable of basic context clues knows we are talking about the post and when the lie was told. We learn that shit in elementary school. They didn't teach you context clues?
Do you watch documentaries about the Roman Empire and go “these idiots think there's still a Roman Empire! They made a documentary in 2023! They really think that's still a thing?”
lol sure. You still can’t get blood from a stone though. No matter what the courts decree.
Husband is a full grown adult. They have a newborn. He can take care of himself and in ANY relationship, any parent knows the baby comes first. The baby always comes first and outranks your spouse.
Husband shouldn’t risk his wife’s health and his baby’s health.
Yes, check me out on Amazon, Marcel Proust is the name !
Attempting to initiate isn't the problem. Refusing to gracefully accept the no is the problem
No problem. Best wishes.
No problem. Best wishes.
You already know why you have to do it. Sometimes I feel like people just need to be told that it is okay. This is me, telling you, that this is a perfect reason to leave. Love doesn’t do this.
you’re an asshole tbh
Listen to your mom
I mean how are they 29 and still obsessive with celebrity status lol Like im 30 and couldnt imagine giving two fucks anymore about someone being famous, older I get the more it just looks like a headache from the outside having to constantly be worried about how you look and what you say.
You are not a piece of shit. We control our actions, not our thoughts. You’re doing good, internet stranger.
He is lying.
Get rid of this insensitive asshole now.
Yes, it’s possible to have a happy, respectful, loving relationship. AND for you, ngl, it’s going to be a lot of work on your part.
With your background, there are probably hundreds if not thousands of little behaviors that are destructive. You would benefit from therapy and even then it’s likely to take a lifetime of practice and learning to get to where other people start from.
That’s not to try and discourage you, rather – it’s totally worth the effort. But it’s something you have to commit to in yourself.
I will actually I agree with this.
Nah, just let it go. Don’t bring it up again.
Nope. You were minor when you met so that’s an instant red flag.
Lol you want us to be okay with someone who had a flirty dynamic with a 16 year old when he was 22??
snort
they’d know it’s a lie. I don’t wanna lie to a cop. Getting him to delete them just seems hopeless
Just wait until her asks for your “body count”. I guarantee it has probably crossed his mind which is why he doesn't like girls under 26.
leave him, and stay safe
That's not healthy thinking.
Each relationship had respect problems. Maybe you need to figure out why you keep cycling to these unhealthy guys?
You need to let him go. Maybe pat yourself on the back that you are slowly getting better but this is still not acceptable.
You know when it's time to go when you came to reddit to ask this question. Good luck to you
Break up time
He was implying that I’m not his wife yet which doesn’t matter because I don’t think attitudes towards a womans body changes the second you put a ring on it
Or just go home. All this is crazy. It won't kill you to cut an evening short once in awhile.
then they do not want her to live! with you
Dating other people is one way to get your mind off an ex. I get it, you still want to remain friends, and that's OK, but you have to terminate your romantic interest in her. And finding someone else that you really dig is a great way to do that. Don't just take up with the first available person but find someone you really like.
But I do understand now why Aish is offended. I can't tell Sara the truth. She will break up with me. I am just gonna apologize to Aish and try explaining her.
I feel like I am going to lose her.
It is odd.
It's going to take more than just a gift to get your wife's forgiveness. There's a lot of things wrong with this scenario:
It's her parents. You knew what family you were marrying into and you should have accepted the potential scenario that you have to host or live! with her family. You said you haven't gotten her a Christmas gift in 2 years. What kind of spouse are you to do that? You always get gifts every single year no matter if its your spouse, your parents, your siblings, whatever. This shows neglect. You also haven't taken her out on her birthday in a couple years too? You are supposed to do this every year. This again shows neglect. (Combined Points 2 & 3 – its no wonder you have a dead bedroom). You falsely accused her of cheating. She's not going to forgive you easily for that.
You need to be spending time with her like tomorrow is your last day. You should be showing her frequent affection, letting her know how much you love her, getting her gifts on these special occasions, helping out with her parents (not making things worse). You can certainly try to see if this will change her mind.
However, since you said it was a few years of neglecting to do special things for her, that level of resentment builds up inside a woman. My last ex did that to me with special things & would get into fights with me & accuse me of cheating (when he was cheating himself). If that had been a marriage, there was no way in hell I'd have taken him back.
His mind has changed about children, that happens.
You guys are no longer compatible. You want different things now.
I know your heart hurts but he is setting you both free to live! the lives you want.
Letting go is love
They’re safe now and have many organisations and agencies to look after their basic needs.
These people are users with no empathy or appreciation for the people that are trying to help them. Now help yourself by removing them from your life.
They’ll never comprehend any advice or criticism you have for them, so take back whatever you can and move on.
Above all, you both did a wonderful thing and I’m sure it’s appreciated by others and the wider Ukrainian community.
OP if he posts them it is ABSOLUTELY illegal go to the police to start the paper trail. I had an ex who threatened to do the same thing. Chances are he's bluffing, and just being a dickasaurus. But be proactive, in my case the cops gave him choices. He could delete the pictures, keep them and be a respectful human and keep them private or face the consequences if he posted he could face charges and a very expensive law suit. But its your choice. You can choose to allow him to continue to be a toxic person in your life or show him that you will not stand for him pushing you around.
Her post says they've seen each often for a month and a half.
If you are not exclusive, and he doesn't have an issue with going out with other women then I don't think you need to apologise tbh.
She's going to keep going until she seriously hurts and/or kills you. Gather your documents. Make a police report. Find a lawyer. Reach out for help. Leave or force her to leave (with assistance, because, again, she's not going to quit and she is already escalating).
Hi there, fellow traumatized person covered in scars here. If you trust your girlfriend, tell her a bit of what you explained here. Not even necessarily full details, but explain that you suffered many years of physical abuse that left you insecure about the way your body looks. If she’s a loving and supportive girlfriend, she will likely be horrified at how she reacted and you can move on from this and grow as a couple. If you don’t trust her enough yo share that part of you, then you know this relationship (or possibly any relationship) won’t really work until you address that trauma.
My husband and I have been together for 6 years but we were good friends ever before we started dating, so he saw my scars a lot (stuff that’s visible in like regular summer clothing, but it’s quite bad) and never even mentioned it. When I finally said something, he almost laughed and said we were going to grow old together, scars are going to be nothing when we are struggling to wipe our own asses.
Point being, if your girlfriend is understanding and a decent person, she will apologize for her behavior and stop pushing you about it. Either way, you will likely feel better opening up with this stuff, either with her (if you feel safe to do so) or with a therapist—even if you saw one back then, trauma has a funny way of hanging around and manifesting in all sorts of ways and it could be useful to just talk to someone about how to handle these insecurities for future relationships.
Your bf is a predator who groomed you when you were 15 and he was 22. Your family are terrible for supporting this and your cousin is right to be worried about you. I hope you are a troll.
Insert surprised pikachu face.
I don’t see anything wrong with her paying for u! U shouldn’t make it all about your pride u know. Sometimes atleast sometimes in situations like this let her pay if she is insisting..
Might be good to see a therapist.
You stopped lying. Remember that. You’re an EX liar.
I think writing it out in a letter to her might be good. Then therapy, to sort out why you felt you needed to lie, and to learn to ease up on yourself.
Good luck.
That is how some people are. But these people have nothing. Literally nothing when they came here as refugees. They didn’t come here flush with cash and driving around in Lamborghinis and Masaratis. So it’s tough. They may have been used to an upper middle class life in Ukraine from a wealthier part of the country. When the war started they came with a suitcase of clothing and nothing else.
Remember refugees when they usually come they don’t automatically get the presidential suite at the Ritz Carlton but are just momentarily roughing it living in a 2 bedroom apartment in a middle class part of town to see how poor people live!. Like a social experiment.
It’s easy for folks not affected by war to dismiss the issues.
Why is he sending shitload of stuff to her?
OP, I hate to break this to you, but this behaviour is toxic af, and you may have to consider getting out of this repationship asap. This soubds more than manipulative – you literally get shut out when sth is not going accordong to her and she doesn't let you have a conversation – do you want this to go on forever?
It seems to be the responsible choice to not move in. He isn't respecting your boundaries for time and space now. It would be worse in a shared space.
He does seem to be pretty clingy. Your daily visits almost sound like obligations you do for a child.
Bingo!
Did you not read the rest of what they wrote at all?
You should break up with him, honestly.
I've cheated on most of my exes, so unfortunately I am experienced in this. You've crossed that line once, making it easier to cross next time and even easier the time after that. Whatever level of respect you have for your partner will subconsciously deplete now, you'll almost not respect him for not catching you cheating, it's weird.
I found my GF almost a couple of years ago now, I haven't, couldn't and wouldn't cheat on her to save my life. You'll know when you're with the right one.
You don't know why you cheated, but you know this relationship isn't right, maybe you cheated because you know this relationship isn't the one you want nor need.
Close the door when you shit. D-I-V-O-R-C-E
Babe, your friend and now hundreds of strangers on the internet see that you were groomed. It sucks, I’m sorry. Get away from this man.
You need to get laid, bro. Been out of the game too long it seems.
When I read the tittle my first thought was depression. The more I read the more I want to scream depression.
Get her help, keep pushing to get her help. She has gone through a lot (you have too but it's different). You said it in your second to last paragraph; “she's given up on life”.
So is literally every domestic abuser.
If you stay with her you will end up murdered or in prison.
Thanks for this. Unfortunately I’m transitioning from school to taking a medical board. I’ll be out soon but it was this or my car till then. Love my mom but I want to see her happy and energized
I hold no judgement toward anyone's choice of relationship but I gotta tell you the words 'open' and 'relationship' are 100% mutually exclusive to me. If you wanna be fuck buddies, OK cool, but if you wanna have a relationship with me then that's different. I think you are making a wise choice.
Honestly there is no excuse to not go to the store after work unless he's walking or doesn't have an accessible form of transportation. I understand not getting up before work to run errands because I do the same thing. I also have problems with going to sleep on time, but that means I stay up later than I should, which means no excuse not to have time to run errands.
If he's only been independent for a year who is he to judge you and claim he knows more about being a “responsible adult?” That's like the 19 year old scoffing at the 18 year old high school senior.
Whether or not this is a character flaw or a learning curve comes down to if he's actively trying to be better and/or expresses he wants to be better, or if he's seemingly content in his life without making changes.
Constantly giving excuses and not taking accountability isn't a good sign. You can still help him of course, but don't allow him to become dependent on you or he'll never want to change.
The fact that you're here says that this has you on the fence. Think about whether this bleeds into other areas of your relationship or his personal character — and if you're willing to become more serious in spite of that. Learning new good habits and replacing bad ones takes time, and personal growth isn't achieved in a day. Are you willing to continue to deal with this behavior for at least another few years? Is this a person you want to merge finances with?
Chalk it up as temporary insanity. She probably thought that you were being too friendly with your friends, and as you say, she wasn't firing on all cylinders. Forgive, but don't forget: make sure this doesn't become a pattern. It is never a good day to marry crazy.
Your BF has zero interest in marrying you. He didn't propose, he sullenly acquiesced on the condition he do exactly zero regarding money, time, ideas.
Your family says you “maintain” him. What else are they referring to?
My brother is an amazing person. He has high functioning autism. He’s in regular classes, not special Ed, gets good grades, but has social difficulty. You think my brother should be aborted because he’s not perfect?
Is it possible that you are trying too naked to change?
It's true that you probably do need to change your view of relationships after your previous experience, but there's a big difference between not running away from something that is actually good for you and staying in a situation that doesn't make you happy.
It sounds like you have already tried to address the issue with your girlfriend several times, but that the issue still remains and that your romantic feelings are diminishing as a result. You can of course continue trying if you are set on maintaining a relationship with your girlfriend, but you shouldn't do it just because you are set on maintaining any relationship.
There's nothing wrong with throwing the towel in the ring if things just aren't working out. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, or with her for that matter, it just means that the two of you aren't compatible as a couple.
Your gf has issues that are not really your fault. You are not being insensitive and in fact talking about your opinion that the old coworkers diet is not unhealthy, which is true, is not the same as criticizing her body image and appearance. Thats really some deep insecurity issues and victimation.That is actually a pretty healthy diet and your gf is strange and being insecure judging other's healthy lifestyle. Her rudeness isn't justified either. She sounds like the sensitive ahole. Really judgmental about other people's lifestyle and gets butt hurt when others agree with it. Nobody can deal with a sensitive ahole. It is always going to be a toxic environment where you have to walk on eggshells because any disagreement would be interpreted as a personal threat. It just sounds like anti-relationship behavior.
and it doesn’t help that what that person looked like was so completely unobtainable.
It's a fantasy. It does matter if it unobtainable, he'd probably find a 3 breasted woman attractive, because it's a fantasy.
Rude to say but super true lol. Women have way more options then men, you should know that.
That sounds like immaturity and not surprising for 22yr old I guess but honestly is some downright ridiculous thing to say in an argument (which btw, what was about?)
You’re not obligated to stay in any relationship so if I were you, and knowing what I know now about fulfilling relationships I’d probably mentally plan to breakup and have all her things ready to go (or your stuff) and have a talk about how that’s not a healthy way to communicate in a relationship and ask her how she thinks that makes you feel about your future. If she has any sort of decency she might come to her senses but I’d expect she’d stoop low and accuse you of being soft or something because she was trying to hurt you before and she will likely do it again.
You could skip the talk and just dump her and let her figure her shit out (which is prob the best option). Either way, big red flags
I’m not sure how being incredibly judgmental and not accepting of you makes them better than you? It’s a game for gods sake. Who gives a crap. They’re bad friends for making you feel bad over something so trivial. I’m sorry your friends suck. I’m a leftie, ally, all of that, and to be honest people like your friend annoy me because they focus in on trivial, pointless shit and it makes their message a joke. Who would listen to someone screaming about a video game making you an enemy of LGBT? Get real.
I also love Harry Potter and the game sounds dope.
Don’t listen to him, you married this person who used to be a prostitute and didn’t mention it until now? Am I taking crazy pills
Drinking is not an excuse for crossing boundaries. Particularly when the boundary was explicitly discussed. Actions are excusable in context. If you give him a pass, will he repeat the behavior? You have to decide if he’s capable of standing by his word. At the very least, why not ask him to never go to another strip club or only go when you’re with him?
You don't joke about murdering babies. Jfc this guy will eventually physically hurt you down the line if you stay with him. Take his words seriously because he's literally telling you who he is!
Thanks for the response.
As someone who left someone like this, and was scared to death, it was absolutely the best and only choice I could make. Please leave. Not tomorrow. Not in a couple of days. Grab your shit and GTFO NOW.
People like this escalate very quickly especially when they feel their world falling. Mine escalated from tossing something, to shoving me out of the way during a fight, and to threatening to burn me alive in my new home when I left.
Leave. Hide. Call the police now. Seek legal action to get him out of the place you share. Lock your social media down, change all your passwords.
Calling the police may seem extreme but it’s absolutely necessary to document this in case it escalates. They will take you much more seriously if you contact them and have this on file.
Thank you for this ?
He’s now trying to be more intimate with me because he wants another. I think it’s because he’s jealous and isn’t happy with our son because he thinks he’s not his. What should I do about this behaviour?
Do NOT have more kids with this dude, there are some major trust issues and he's not mentally matured yet, clearly.
It's just nude after 6 years of happy relationship. He's been a great, caring boyfriend. Breaking up over different life priorities/goals, but we still care about each other. I'm also worried that any sudden no-contact will put him bad depression/suicidal
Dog she is using the shit outta u
you're going through something tough only because you lack self respect, boundaries and critical thinking. people are telling you to get those back so that you stop being a doormat to a leech that's sucking you dry and all you do is say “oh no, but what about the feelings of the leech?”. mate, that's just stupid. you really need to get a grip.
This is not the AITA subreddit.
Sounds like she’s the one that’s been wasting her time
Do you actually enjoy being friends with these people or are you telling yourself that you're supposed to have friendships to be a good person?
You are an adult and it's ok to not explain yourself to other people. Looks like you are mentally checked out from your friendship already. If you just stop initiating the contacts, it will slowly fade away…
Leave
Can we even trust that's true and not OP filling in the blanks in his life? His parents were so busy fucking other people that they were never around, and he didn't learn they were never around until he was 16?
It might be platonic, and it's fine to go on vacations with the opposite sex friends. But once you're in a relationship, it's unacceptable. However, since she was willing to leave that relationship we know where her priorities are.
It's not just a thing. It's a huge thing. It's not just having a close friend, but making you feel inadequate as his GF. Making you feel like you're his last priority. He does 0 effort to fix things even though you told him how you felt repeatedly.
That's not love. It sounds way more like he uses you as a replacement for that friend. Honestly wouldn't be surprised if he immediately dumped you if she'd express interest again.
Who said anything about “have to”? If you actually got laid, you might realize it’s fun and something many people want to do. Grow up.
Both sexes, if they have low body counts, prefer dating people with low body counts. If they have high body counts, they prefer dating people with high body counts.
This isn't something inflicted only on women.
Lying to someone to get them to stay with you is a pretty good indistinguishable of someone's character.
Are you dull? THE WEIGHT IS RUINING THE MARRIAGE, MEN DONT WANT TO BE MARRIED TO MORBIDLY OBESE WOMEN WHO WEAR A 3XL. Also, once again, VERY telling that you still haven't answer my straight forward and simple question. People like you are what's wrong with society. Keep feeding her those delicious lies when the bitter truth will help solve her problems.
Umm… It's not high maintenance to go on regular dates? Like that is something couples do, and something you are supposed to keep doing when your married to have couples time.
Like being high maintenance is completely different from wanting flowers just cuz occasionally and couple experiences outside of the day to day minutiae.
Honestly he's choosing to not recognize your love language, and I highly doubt there is much you could say that would get him to finally get that he honestly is neglecting you as a partner…. He'd rather just say it's your problem, afterall.
Thanks for your input! i just find the “when you have babies part” unnecessary. First of all i dont want to have kids, never have, never will. Second thing: i eat right and actively to the gym also to be attractive to my partner. He isnt attracted to fat women and has said it multiple times and i respect his preference and i know that if my body type changed a lot from the one he was attracted in the first place he would struggle with physical attraction too. I respect it and take care of my physical appearance not only for me but also because i take his preference into consideration. If i gained a lot of weight and i left me for this reason it would hurt but i would 100% understand it.
Yes after three years you are not only attracted to looks, but “not only” doesnt mean physical attraction suddenly stops playing any part in a romantic relationship between two young people once you develop feelings.
It gets complicated when you’re talking about having a child. If you decided you didn’t want a kid but your spouse still does should they choose you over an unborn potential person? I agree that you shouldn’t have fear with a partner, but the decision of having children isn’t cut and dry – and even less so once the pregnancy has moved from hypothetical to actual.
Being able to navigate this situation and come out on the other side together would be amazing. But I also can’t damn a guy if this changes how he sees the relationship.
This is your husband’s responsibility. He is responsible because he accepts this behavior. He needs to set things straight with his mother. He needs to I tell her to stop babying him and to respect his wife and child. HE is 50% of the problem. Your MIL is the other half. You have taught this man that it’s OK to allow this by letting it go on for TEN YEARS!
It’s a you issue. It’s ok for a dude to have female friends. It’s ok for a dude to have female friends he hangs out with and stays over with. With that said if it’s your boundary then that is also fine. You are simply incompatible. Move on for both your sakes.
Ask yourself if you would be bothered about that, if this was the other way around, and you had discovered those sorts of videos on his phone.
I'm a dog lover and my advice would be to tell your mother to euthanize the dog. While the way he is isn't the dog's fault, I don't think your mother can care for him well enough considering his propensity to bite. Don't let his small size fool you, terriers can be very aggressive and it would be a shame if this one bit a child.
You’re asking your boyfriend to neglect the common courtesy you should expect from a mature adult. You’re asking him to be a shitty person because you are insecure. People have pasts and dating people with relationship experience means you’re dating someone who has had experience learning how to be in relationship. This is a positive thing.
You may not see it, but you sound controlling and insecure. If you don’t get a grip on those feelings, continue to make unreasonable demands out of this deep insecurity, and view him as your property, he will break up with you because no one wants a girlfriend like that. Your whole relationship will begin to revolve about you managing your jealousy and that’s not healthy and crosses into being abusive very quickly.
Update: Me and Mittens talked it over with a spot of tea
Needa get one ?
If he knocked this guy out cold by slamming his head on the ground, guy has a concussion at the VERY least. Life is fr not like the movies lol. No way did this happen.
If you're not reading the OP's comments, then why are you commenting about making assumptions?
If you're not reading the OP's comments, then why are you commenting about making assumptions?
I recently couldn't find mine at my 45-year-old boyfriend's house. He later texted me a picture of them hanging on the Christmas tree and admitted he wanted to keep them in his pocket for the day. So, it's not just 17 year olds. lol
No, she's mad at him because, by his own admission, he calls her “derogatory slurs” during arguments, including a b*tch and openly admits he is abusive towards her.
Also, one day I sincerely hope we stop disproportionately using the term “for the streets” to specifically refer to women.
Finally, he can't “dump her ass” considering the entire post is about the fact she dumped him.
He’s not gonna stop at punching and kicking walls. Soon, he’s gonna be punching and kicking you. Leave this man. Now. This will absolutely escalate and get so much worse for you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but please for your safety, leave this man and this relationship.
The incest porn might not be a red flag but the fact she told you on the first date definitely is.
He needs therapy and/or anger management. This is way over your pay grade. You can’t help him.
He’s amazing when he’s not physically abusing you? Honey, he’s following his example of how home life works. All the abuse he witnessed? He is repeating what he learned. This is who he is.
Um…what the hell do you mean by ‘some type of infection’? You know not all infections in that area are STDs right? Is this whole thing caused by you two being too ignorant to know the difference between a UTI and an STD?
My young dude: injuries happen. Hell, that's a certainty of life. We all get sick, knocked around and roughed up. Remember the golden rule and realize if the shoe were on the other foot, you'd be more worried about HER than public appearances. It's not a high bar to have wanting a partner who genuinely cares about you. Her actions don't align with someone who cares for you or will be by your side during tough times. I'm sorry and I hope you feel better soon.
Unless you are perfect, you are not good enough in her eyes. Rough? Yes. But true. She may grow out of this shallow mindset, she may not. And until she does, do you really want to be put in a closet every time you have a blemish? She only took care of you with the ankle because it wasn't ugly and she could play up nursing you to her “fans”. Are you really willing to be second fiddle to that?
Sorry if you already mentioned this, but what does his place look like? Do you go there often?
And why are you still in this relationship? I know you’ve realized by now that it’s not progressing how it should
You didn’t tell him…. I don’t know what to say about you, but you give me the ick.
You had a nice birthday but you’re bugging out about him not staying with you til 12?!
I hope you can set some boundaries around your friend OP. Her issues with guys aren’t your problem or responsibility to protect her from, and I sense your resentment is coming from the fact she continues to ask for your emotional labor in these situations, yet they just keep ending up the same every time. That’s a lot to ask of someone.
Yea, honestly I think the whole “coming out as poly” thing is all bullshit. You don't all of a sudden have an epiphany that one person isn't enough for you. No, what it is is so.eone deciding they want more. And in this case it sounds like she wants her cake and to eat it too. You sound like mr. safety net that she can keep around while she goes out and let's Chad blow out her back.
Maybe get some therapy?
If you’re hurt over this and think you need an apology when you’re the one pushing your bizarre beliefs on him then I think you aren’t mentally well enough to be in a relationship.
Had a dude (boyfriend of a year) do this to me on Valentine’s Day while I was driving him home after our date. in high school. Literally said “I didn’t want to miss out on my present and Valentines Day sex.” Loser. I took the present back and kicked him out of my car.
First someone using your hairbrush is gross. They could have lice, scabies or who knows what. And if I went to someone's home I would never use their hairbrush. But maybe it's because I used to cut hair for a living and I've seen some shit lol.
The missing condom is sus. If he used it to masturbate he would have said, if he gave it to a friend he would have also said. They don't dissappear.
And BTW folks who say they hate cheating can cheat just like everyone else. I've seen it.
I don't know if he's cheating or not but if he is he will be better at hiding it now.
Maybe it’s the messiah
Have you ever thought she doesn't enjoy that other side as much, and prefers you and your friends to hers?
Not gonna lie yall are probably going to break up
Thank you so much this is really helpful o truly appreciate it
I am curious why you feel compelled to be controlling? Is there something in the relationship making you feel insecure currently?
Are you asking for advice as far as how to handle these conversations? Or how to manage his care as he ages? If you should even maintain contact? Some of the above? All of the above?
Friends don’t do that to friends, she’ll get her karma but I recommend not living with her.
sacrifice his health in what he considers the short term.
Does he know tooth infection can kill him? He needs to see a dentist, like really need to!
sacrifice his health in what he considers the short term.
Does he know tooth infection can kill him? He needs to see a dentist, like really need to!
Leave him. I think he's being very honest with you right now what he plans to do.
He isn’t a source of stability. After 4 years your relationship is still stagnant.
He lacks the stability and reliability required and it’s not getting better.
Not only should he not move in. You should reconsider the relationship. Where is this relationship really going? How many years are you planning on investing into him? What do you want in a relationship and future? Is he really meeting it or are you constantly justifying his actions?
Time isn’t free.
But doctors only know about men’s health obvi /s
Sounds like she needs to get off the internet as well as learn how to advocate for herself in a medical setting?
if you wanna wait to build yourself up, you're gonna wait forever. i think there's prolly other underlying reasons as to why you havent locked down a relationship of 5 years. i think you need to do some soul searching to figure that out. its perfectly reasonable to ask her to wait, but it's also perfectly reasonable that she decides to leave because of that. not making a decision is still making a decision
Tell that to the women who have 2 children, no financial safety net, a religion that tells them divorce is wrong, family members that urge them to stay married no matter what while her husband doesn’t even touch or look at her nude body for years, while laughing at any attempts of her to initiate sex.
Seriously, go visit /r/deadbedrooms, should be eye opening for you.
I'm in the UK so I'm not familiar with Private Universities, what makes them different from normal ones?
They’re private loans. This is not an option
But you weren’t saying it to a bunch of girlfriends. You were saying it to your creepy boyfriend who proceeded to sexually objectify her for the rest of the night.
I think we can agree that I’m making observations you don’t want to hear and I’ll leave it at that.
I totally agree with that. For a long period, I’ve thought of if she actually love me or if I was just her ‘type’. I’ll continue to be true to who I am and I won’t let others effect the way I think of myself, however, I am looking for a supportive partner that makes me feel secure
Explain to her mother exactly like you have explained this to us, she will understand what is going on in your wife’s head.
If your wife wants out she can speak the truth to all involved.
I don’t blame her for the debt. This country is stupid. I do blame her for not accepting the dunk cost on whatever her career is and not just finding a new job. But even then…she’s still got people in her ear selling her a bill of goods for a masters. Between the laws and the higher Ed institutions in this country, i can’t say it’s all her fault. Not that there’s anything wrong with OPs choice.
How can I difference between someone that only wants sex ? :”(, We passed good time together, even playing videogames, we cooked together, have a lot of things in common :”(
Absolutely, you are right, and what you and others have said is valid.
From my pov, I think if others knew what this organization does, they might have a better understanding as to why OP wants to go.
Various people donate financially to non-profits.
Some organizations that do the “help starving kids in Africa thing” might send a photo or letter to a contributor.
Some other charities / non-profits might be sketchy with where their $ goes.
With this particular organization, they want to give donors an opportunity to see where their $ goes – to see the orphanage in person, to see the actual kids they're supporting, etc.
I get why OP is getting a lot of blowback and criticism, but in her defense, this is a legitimate organization that genuinely supports 10 orphanages that does not receive government assistance, and they rely on individuals to donate and support them financially.
And for some, they enjoy visiting the kids and bring them supplies on the bus.
Damn, all those years I want to clubs to dance and hang out with my friends and I was using them wrong? I hope I don’t get in trouble.
This has calmed down since leading into adulthood
You're an adult. You don't need permission
Thank you, yeah you're right. It's not her fault but it is her responsibility, I already resent her for the boundaries she has crossed so far, if I am to keep encouraging her behaviour then I will inevitably want to stop being her friend.
I'll speak to her and include what you said, thank you, I never realised I could be hurting myself by trying to help her.
All of these questions should be put to your lawyer, not Reddit.
You should call his mother and ask her if she thinks it's appropriate behavior.
?
would your answer change if I had made suggestions as to what I would renovate, and he vetoed it? As in, “I would like to change the bathrooms because the tiles are so stained they can't be fixed, the toilets don't flush well, and the kitchen because the stove doesn't work.” And he said no because it's a waste of money (even though I would be paying for it). I should have put that ^ in there, but it seems like he still holds the power to even decide if I can do renovations, following his proposal.
would your answer change if I had made suggestions as to what I would renovate, and he vetoed it? As in, “I would like to change the bathrooms because the tiles are so stained they can't be fixed, the toilets don't flush well, and the kitchen because the stove doesn't work.” And he said no because it's a waste of money (even though I would be paying for it). I should have put that ^ in there, but it seems like he still holds the power to even decide if I can do renovations, following his proposal.
Jeez. A couple of years ago, my husband ordered Chinese food for us and I ended up having an anaphylactic reaction. He felt so incredibly guilty—cried, kept apologizing, couldn’t sleep that night after we got back from the ER. It wasn’t his fault in the slightest, it was unintentional, and he’s now hyper vigilant about checking with restaurants before making orders to ensure I don’t get “dosed” with allergens. If your SO isn’t concerned for your well-being and isn’t willing to change their behaviors to accommodate a legitimate medical need? That’s troublesome. It’s time for a serious conversation at the very least. At most, it’s a relationship ended. Best of luck to you, OP.
God just reading this made me frustrated. If she says she's still “decuding” about staying with you just tell her you already made up YOUR mind and you don't want her. She wants her cake and eat it too and it's so nasty. She's expecting you to just take it and let her do what she wants.
Kick her out, go non contact. She will probably try love bombing you once this goes sideways with her side d*ck.
So is yours….read it? Not bickering with you today.
You’re boyfriend lives sober. He’s not going to be impaired. So I’m not sure how going to a rave is different than going to the grocery store. Do you trust him going to the grocery store? Maybe you’re worried because people around him will be impaired and your boyfriend will take advantage of that. If that’s the case then you shouldn’t be worried that he will cheat on you, you should be worried that he’s a rapist. General rule: rapists make horrible boyfriends – horrible people actually.
Btw a question (just curious): What kind of hobby is „animals“??
So be alone. Being alone isn’t so bad
Thank you for your time in replying. I begged her to tell me if anything was wrong before and she said there was nothing. That she still loves me very much. But nothing other than that. Even our friends say they are surprised because she spoke very highly of our relationship.
I am hoping it is just her freaking out. She is adamant I focus on my son and taking care of him and supporting him through this transition. She will not remarry due to her families religious reasons. So I have told her that I will always be here for her. And that I love her and our children. I am trying very nude to give her the “right” amount of space. I want to allow her time to think but also want to convince her this could work and let her know that nothing has changed for me.
NOPE.
I actually do think it would! Not an excuse and needs to be stopped, but it sounds A LOT like rejection sensitive dysphoria. We feel like any small critique is a direct attack to our personal being. And we WANT to change things but just can’t get ourselves to do it.
It would also explain the personality thing. He has absolutely not interest in stuff unless it’s something he learned his own way. And he’s doing the classic ADHD mirror. A lot of us accidentally become reflections of those around us before realizing who we really are. I’ve never seen someone be so reflective at such a high age, but it’s certainly possible!
And the shitty planning. Like offering to do it but never doing it. People with ADHD get the dopamine kick of accomplishment from simply planning tasks, whereas a neurotypical person needs to complete the actual task. This can lead to overly high satisfaction when discussing a task theoretically, and then failing to follow through because of the executive dysfunction and struggle to transition between tasks
We argued a lot when we were younger and dating and things got bad and we broke up a few times. When we we’re together I was really sad but I really loved him. They don’t like him bc they saw how we were in a relationship but I believe we’re older and people grow and change and mature.
For some reason it’s not letting me reply to where you originally asked but I was only 115 lbs before pregnancy. Really not sure wth happened. I also never really wanted an abortion. I almost died last year June. Literally spent a full month in the hospital. I DID die while being born. I came nearly 3 months early and wasn’t breathing for almost 45 seconds. I’ve also been dealing with pcos for the past couple of years and was told I’d have a nude time ever even getting pregnant. There’s a lot that goes into my beliefs which created my decision but abortion was never an option for me. I am 100% pro choice but for me personally I do not see abortion as an option.
My friend actually spewed on herself when she got hers put in, where another friend said It felt like light cramps. The one who spewed found it her favourite bc said it was worth it. The second girl had hers out after 6mths because of constant bleeding. Really varies person to person
When I was SA'd I was explaining to my crisis counselor how I didn't want to tell my parents and I was told they can have one or two free sessions to help them deal w the news. Maybe call a crisis line and ask if that an option? Or even just to tell her w a third party
You're in your 30s you can't possibly be asking this seriously
You probably have to get past the idea of starting your life with him. That’s on hold and you better be 100% sure it will resume because it’s year apart with questionable contact.
It would be probably better to break and have him contact you when he’s ready. It removes any worry or commitment.
That said; you need a plan with what’s going to occupy your time for a year. Since you are currently engaged, you will have to avoid romantic distractions. What will be your focuses? How will you get your social non romantic support? Figure it out.
Sign up for a Barre or cycle class after work? Plan weekend trips away.
Thank you for your advice. A little reassurance goes a long way. ?
He is showing his feminine side. I’ve observed obsessive phone texting before but it was primarily females attached to their phones. It’s much more rare with men, he’s in touch with his feminine side, admirable.
We’ve only been together for around 6 months. He claims I should be able to rely on my family and so it’s fine for him to suddenly kick me out.
The age gap can be an issue but doesn't have to be. If you're okay with it and he's okay and it's not something like teacher/student or worker/manager or something? Then just knowing it means it's just something to watch for. it's only a “red flag” if it's being abused.
For me the question is… why is he dancing with other women and why is he half nude while doing it?
Is it because you're not dancing? Is it because he's a male stripper? is it just randomly happening?
if he salsa dances and you don't? how else is he going to dance? unless you're going to learn and put up a boundary of “no one else gets your salsa but me”?
Own up to your behavior. Tell your gf that you need to end the relationship because your heart is somewhere else. Apologize for being a cheater, but let her go so she can move on with her life. Apologize to families. Stand up and do the right thing. Your gf deserves better than you are giving her.
So please refrain from giving any moral lecture
you dont need a moral lecture..morals are relative, depending where you are and who you are. You are fine. Just keep dating both of the women. Its all poly now a days anyways. I don't see why anyone would have a problem with a secret side piece? Just tell the love of your life(you know the first person who ever paid attention to you) that you have a second love of your life(you know the second person who paid attention to you). I will be fine. You are just conflicted cuz all these religious zealots think it is wrong to 'cheat' on people. It is all love. How can love be bad? you have to spread love. In fact, should a third person pay attention to you, you should incorporate that into your plan on what is moral of you..
there you go, something that works out great for everyone…the two women get to know about each other and make a new friend. You get to stop lying (which is what is really making you feel bad, not this stupid 'moral' quandary) and everyone gets to enjoy how amazing you are. Spread that love. Ignore dem haters.
now the flip side is to make everything easier for the people in solved, you could just be honest and take your shit sandwich and eat it..that way the women can move on with their life and you get to try and be a decent human being. Which maybe you are, morels are relative and delicious. Only one way to find out and lying to people wont cut it.
I really appreciate the advice. Honestly leaves me with a lot to think about. Thanks for all your help
Break up with him unless he gives you the rest of the money. If he does give you the money wait until it’s fully in your account and then break up with him still. Do to you allowing him to use your card I don’t think you can sue him or press charges but you can make sure he is out of your life. He’s a bum. Also cancel that card because he is untrustworthy and may use it again without your permission and because you gave him access before the bank won’t honour if you say it is fraud.