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Date: February 13, 2023
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The first thing you need to do is get rid of the idea that this is her problem. As an employee, she has zero obligation to engage in small talk or open up to you. She works and that's all she owes you.
Second, you need to find a social circle outside of work. Actual friends to fill the void you want your employee to fill. If you still have trouble separating your work and social life, get therapy. Again, your problem is yours, not hers.
Third, you need to reconnect with your wife. You say you have a wife and kids but are clearly looking for an emotional connection. That's what your wife is for. When you feel like talking to your employee because of her “personality,” text your wife instead. Call her on breaks and lunches if you can. Plan date nights with her. Get your crush back on your wife instead of your employee.
This is maybe 5% on you for not telling him about this before you got married. He expects his wife to be okay with this and you should have told him before you said “I do.”
It's 95% on him for being such a dick.
You're allowed to have boundaries. You should have laid them out before the wedding but regardless of that, you're still allowed to have them. If you don't want to be touched a certain way you have a right not to be touched that way. This is not a you problem any more than him complaining when you hit him in the head with a brick is a him problem. Tell him that.
And remember that saying “I don't like that” isn't setting a boundary. If you want to set a boundary say something “I don't like that. I won't tolerate it. If you do it again, I will do x, y, and z as consequences. If it continues after x, y, and z I will file for divorce and call the police on you for sexual assault and apply for a restraining order against you. Yes, I'm serious. I will fuck up your life if that's what I have to do to feel safe, although I hope you respect me enough that it won't come to that. Have I made myself clear?”
Good luck, and please post an update.
My partner also has stronger BO, but he goes out of his way to shower/put on deodorant/change his shirt when he can smell it or when it gets to be too much and I ask him to. He actually has asked me to keep pointing it out when he bothers me because he doesn’t want to smell bad. I think if your boyfriend isn’t really putting in the effort or taking your concerns seriously, that points to a larger issue. It can seem so trivial but smell really is a big part of attraction, to me anyway.
I’m very sorry that you were treated like that. No one deserves to be reduced to their physical traits and publicly humiliated.
Only you know if you can continue with him after this, take your time to think on it and about him as a partner. Think about if he’s often rude like that, if he makes you feel good more than bad etc.
I see this as a positive.
Assuming that you actually have gained weight, and he's not creating a problem where there isn't one, this gives you something tangible to work on. It's also a problem that's relatively straightforward to solve (it's all about maths).
Good luck!