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Date: October 10, 2022
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He cheated I would call the hotel of the card and ask who rented the room and when ?
I didn't make it clear in the post but I am 100% going to give her the rest of her shit back, was just asking mainly about what else to say to her to draw a line under the whole thing.
Kiss me instead
Your feelings are valid. He put himself into a situation where he has to have you take care of him instead of doing what you ought to be doing. I don't think this breakup worthy or anything, but having a serious talk about his drinking habits, his inability to accept responsibility for his actions (admittedly that may come when he is sober), and the impact his actions have on others is definitely worth having.
Yes he should have asked/consulted you. Yes, it is a tad weird. Is it enough for a divorce, if you think it is then you’re marriage/love for each other clearly isn’t that strong. I’d be more concerned if they want another baby!.. shes 28 so still plenty of time!
Body and looks isn’t what matter. That may spark attraction but trust me that isn’t what retains it. Once your boyfriend truly loves you, nothing matters to him. I can speak from experience because my type isn’t my girlfriend and her type isn’t me. We look nothing like each others types but we’re madly in love and personally I can tell you for a fact there’s nothing about her I would want to change because I would not rather it any other way but just the way she is. If he loves you, he loves you. This isn’t a person you’re tryna impress for you to bother whether you’re his type or you’re the kind of body/looks he would go for. This is a person that loves you exactly for how you are. Don’t pick out reasons for why they may not and just love them the way they love you 🙂
Every asexual is different. Some are okay with sex, but just don't feel the urge or desire for it, others actively dislike sex, and there's a huge range in-between.
I think an open and honest conversation with you gf is in order. Obviously she loves you and feels safe with you to come out to you. Make sure she know how loved she is, and also make sure to be honest about your own needs.
Is sex something she's still comfortable with? If not, is she okay with you taking care of yourself? Is that something you're okay with?
I think it's worth giving things a try, the key is to just be honest and open about your own needs and what you're willing to try
we are exclusive. he's an old highschool friend so that plays into why the children are involved so early on. we started out as only friends but it developed rather quickly from there.
If something your partner says makes you uncomfortable you should bring it up. That's the whole thing here. It's not about society or the way dicks are treated. If you're partner says something that makes you uncomfortable bring it up.
She sounds really responsive from what you said. As a woman, i say go for it, a coffee isn’t asking her to marry you and she may come away from that wanting to see more of you. The worst that can happen is she says “no thanks, sorry” but on the other hand it has the potential to play out very well for you both. Hope this helps ?
Ok, thank you. I'll take note of this.
Your feelings are always valid, and regardless of what anybody on social media thinks there sure is going on between them, *nobody knows for sure except him, and he’s the one you need to be having another conversation with. Even if nothing else really is going on, your feelings are valid, they should matter to him, and him repeatedly telling you that there’s nothing to worry about isn’t going far enough.
He needs to show some respect for your feelings and stop making her so much of a priority in his life.
See I get that but the problem is that I worry I've entirely read this wrong and her knowing that I've got feelings make strain our friendship if it isn't mutual and may make things more awkward or cause us to drift apart.
How is moving the cat bowl solving the problem of her disrespecting his boundaries, putting others in danger, and acting selfishly?
So when they have kids and she’s putting the kids in danger, should he run around and try to move things left or right to make things slightly better?
I would tell her they are incompatible and to leave. I wouldn’t tell her how to feel about him and his role, because that’s her business. But very basically, they aren’t compatible.
This itch is the kind that ends relationships when scratched. If you find it unbearable, then scratch it, but be prepared for the consequences to be an ex-relationship.
Maybe he still thinks about this person and feels ashamed about it (because you're “not supposed to”? We're human, dude, that shit doesn't work) maybe he wants to move past it and focus on the real relationship he has instead of a fantasy. Maybe your worst nightmare comes true (I'm assuming this is some insecure fantasy where she magically A: becomes available and B: wants your fella, and C: he reciprocates and cheats?). The simple fact is that it doesn't matter who he might have fantasized about before (and trust me, it wasn't just one person), the fact is that he pursued a relationship with you, and clearly respects you enough to avoid this other person. He picked you, in the end.
You might think that you are entitled to know everything your partner thinks about, but the truth is that you don't own him, and he's allowed the sanctuary of his own thoughts. Let this one alone.
Thank you for the validation. In arguments afterwards he makes it seem like it’s not as big a deal. And in the heat of the moment I freeze up. I hate it.
Or she’s just his bangmaid while he waits for his ‘friend’ to realize how much she wants him?
To be steady and wants more. Fwb leads to feeling for one eventually
He is 100% trying to have an affair with you.
Let's see. I saw you say:
[…] now I feel like I don't know him at all. […] I didn't think he would break the law like this and his arrest was a shock to me. […]I'm not sure if I want to put my life on hold for him.
And of course the whopper:
[…] I'm worried he could inadvertently get me arrested or put our future kids in danger.
Read this as if your best friend whom you cared about was saying it to you. What would your response be?
You gotta live! YOUR life. Not the one others want you to have for their personal comfort.
Break up. End it now.
Cut your losses and move on.
Shouldn't be a discussion or anything. Nothing for him or for you to say. Over
Never. I don’t even know the passcode . I guess he just thinks I will bc of the laptop thing
He sounds like a mooch and a loser. I'm glad you've found this out before wasting money on him. I hope you have a nice trip and find some more normal friends who aren't going to try to use you.
Absolutely normal and valid. Not only that but extremely responsible
I have a feeling this was not the first time, and considering they weren't trying to hide makes me believe your sister wanted them to get caught. Good on you for leaving. I hope you find happiness.
I would like my kids to see a healthy relationship modeled for them, at least, and I don’t think this is that. Sometimes a negative example is better than telling kids a dysfunctional situation is love and messing up their idea of how they should be treated.
So he emotionally and verbally abuses you, spends months trying to get you back, and then says if you don't agree to his demands, he'll take himself out of your life and your child's life semi-permanently?
CHOOSE THE SECOND OPTION, OP, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. He's no prize.
Yeah, you should pay for a therapist to listen to you. Trying to find “friends” just to dump your relationship issues on is pretty shitty.
Just remind the colonial scumbag that there is only one person in the relationship who can determine the correct usage of the English language.
Chances are their was a girl that looked similar to your gf and someone just recorded the video and went with it
Yeah this happens sometimes, just be glad he didn't stick around and try to sabatoge the relationship.
Your choice of words is a dead giveaway of manipulative narcissist. You are trying to convince us your relationship was “pure bliss” over and over, while saying “you pressured”, “you gave a month”, “you set up a therapy session for your gf”, “have been nothing but honorable”. That alone is a good reason to break up with you.
Now… You knew your mother had a genetic condition that you might have inherited. Did you bring it up at the early stages of the relationship? My guess is no. You waited until it was safe to dump it on her.
You love your gf, yet you are ok with her not experiencing motherhood or taking care of you when she's still young? What if pregnancy does happen and then you're ok with her experiencing loss of her child? If your relationship was that amazing, she wouldn't have doubts. Both of you are too young and your relationship is not that serious for that type of commitment. You are asking too much of your girlfriend and what do you have to offer in return? Judging by your post you think you're a gift from God. but realistically?
You are the only thing she knows since she was in college. She will be attached to you regardless of whether it's a good relationship or not. She doesn't completely understand what she's getting herself into either.
Why are you setting therapy appointments for her, but not both of you as if it's her problem? I find it very very hot to sympathize with you.
You know he will have to share childcare costs and depending on where you live!, you may get alimony.
I am serious, and I feel terribly about my behavior. I just need advice on how to solve this, and hopefully save my friendship
How the fuck are people reading this and thinking that this string of events happened in real life?
There is no compromise. he is being insanely manipulative and controlling. You've already compromised by being sober and limiting how much you do it. \
these places are for picking up girls
That is what men say because that is why men go clubbing. It is different for girls usually
Your ex is the biggest bullshitter I have read on Reddit, and that is saying a lot. OP, you put up with so much crap it’s no wonder you questioned yourself. Cut him off completely and move on. Your ex is in a co-dependent relationship with this girl. Neither of them is going to end well.
You don’t understand. My parents house is like the shows you’d see about the dirty hoarders on tv. It was terrible for my mental health and is horribly unkept. I cannot go through that again.
Dude she’s done. I get that you have regrets but some things can’t be reversed. Somewhere along the way you crossed the line and you went too far, it’s over. If you love her as you claim, you will respect her choice and her autonomy instead of trying to force her into something she doesn’t want.
I don’t think you’re grasping why your mom is so worried. If your spouse actually has ASPD, raising a child with them is going to be very difficult.
You might be able to fully grasp his disorder, but your child won’t. You’re only 22 years old. I had my son at 22 and it was fucking VERY HOT – and I had my moms support. You have to realize that this man can and probably will walk out on you and your child and he absolutely will not care About how that makes either of you feel.
Like the rest of this thread, i think you need to talk to a professional. You are very young and naive and have not a clue what you are getting yourself into.
You meeting up with an old friend was NOT crossing a line. Especially because you didn't know what he was going to tell you, and at the time, all you knew was you were meeting an old friend. So the only line crossing was done by your bf. Did he ever apologize? Or did only his mom do that?
If you have mutual friends you might be able to find out if he's with someone or moved on. Otherwise it's kinda something you're going to have to think over for a while. You're still young, please don't jump into a lifelong commitment with your bf until you give yourself some time to think about these things. While he's gone, spend your time getting to know yourself and really thinking about your life goals, your dreams, if you want a family, if you want a career, what career, where you want to live!… Try some new activities, join some clubs, make some new friends, spend time with current ones, etc. This might help you move on from the other guy too by keeping busy and adding new things to life.
You're unsure about him, yet you love him. Ask yourself if this combination of person and situation is worth giving up. What are the chances of you finding the same or better? You may find other aspects that resemble what you have, and other factors may be reduced or gone. It's always going to be different.
The next relationship may be very intense, but abusive. You may love the next “thing” not so much, but they are filthy rich.
You may find yourself happy, and then you learn he betrayed you, well okay that may still happen in your current situation.
Try to work on this.
Judging people for living with their parents? In this economy?
New husband sounds like a dick, but that doesn't have shit to do with his living arrangements. Even aside from the inflation hellscape we live! in, portraying multigenerational households as inherently bad is extremely ethnocentric. Most of the world doesn't see it that way.
Didn't even read the whole thing, this guy's a complete fucking asshole.
Oh she’s lying but the question is what is she covering up
I think you have an idea of what it could be, first instinct is usually correct
Ask to see the so called text messages and check her deleted messages
I have nothing but questions. Who put her on a 5150 hold and what behaviors of hers were so severe that that was warranted? She thinks she was going through “psychosis,” so is she on meds and seeing a mental health provider now? What was actually the issue? You mention her acting weird on social media and don’t expand on this.
You plotting behind her back to have a therapist come to your house was honestly bad enough, but what you did led to her basically getting kidnapped and drugged. I wouldn’t be surprised if she never forgave you. Why the fuck couldn’t you just ask her how she’s feeling and encourage her to get help on her own if necessary?! You took away her agency and I can’t imagine how helpless and out of control she felt when these people came and snatched her. How awful.
I dont even know how to approach this right now lol, I just.. am hurt.
Insecure men maybe. And fair enough there are plenty if those.
My partner has said similar things to me, I see “this little guy” as meaning she's being cute and affectionate, not attacking.
Then do her a favor and move on
Most of your comments on other people’s post contains offensive and derogatory language towards individuals. Additionally, it is a disrespectful attitude towards the idea of receiving and giving advice. Providing constructive criticism and feedback is essential for helping people improve their lives and overcome their challenges, but what you wrote does not offer any real advice or guidance. Instead, it only serves to belittle and insult the person, which is not helpful or productive.
I guess that's the mistake we are making. I find that, although we don't necessarily think that way, we somewhere sub-consciously think that others must be a certain way, or must automatically somehow understand your problems and hence understand what you are going through without you having to say anything and comfort you. In the heat of the moment, its very hot to think straight. And so maybe it needs some amount of change of mindset in order for the idea to reflect practically is what I feel.