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Room for on-line sex video chat SensualTania
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Date: October 10, 2022
TAKE HIS PASSPORT!
I mean, do all the other lawyer stuff too. But that will definitely fuck up his plans…
I agree. I’ve been examining all the angles and the only one that worries me – and maybe I should add this to the post – is that I know my ex can be angry, mean, and scary… but only after years of him getting comfortable. He was only a little violent (I know how dumb that sounds) but my main concern even though I hate this woman is… did she add me because she wants me to know what’s going on, if something bad is happening, because she knows I know what he can be like? Maybe I watch too much true crime.
I was thinking the samething. This happened before they got in a relationship so what's the issue? Is it because it was his best friend? I mean!!!! Now the married man gives me pause but again, before they were in a relationship. Makes a huge difference.
No, this is how drunks are. This is not in any way typical behavior
The fact that it has happened more than once is a neon red flashing sign that this is a BAD problem
Also- I’m afraid I might have messed that up last night asking him that question and now he won’t respond.
The more i read the more I think you're under 16 yo this is so cringe
You have to try and get some video evidence OP. That will allow you to prove that she's a danger to your children and hopefully get full custody of them. Wish you the best man
I’ll have to look into that to see what we have similar to this. I really appreciate you and your advice. Thank you!!
Start with telling him “no” about something and see where it goes. There are sooo many people with personality disorders. The first sign of it, I distance myself.
I would suggest to write a card to him implying the rest of the gift is for his birthday. I will say that just 2 energy drinks comes across bad, or maybe wrap his headset you got him and write “Do not open until Birthday!”
That way it is sort of a two in one gift. 3 months I wouldn't expect much, but would hope for more than a 6 dollar gift that I could pick up going for gasoline.
Giving the wrapped gift shows that you did get him something and thoughtful. Would assume to be a pricier gift and is a two for 1 type of gift. That would be acceptable.
Maybe make a joke about him needing the energy drinks for later that night.
That's my thoughts and opinions on it. Obviously your boyfriend, and you know him better. I would just be careful you aren't insulting him by giving just the energy drinks. (Maybe buy more a dozen total so he has a small supply of them.)
Either way, good luck and Merry Christmas
I'm so sorry, OP, but I worry that you are seeking advice for mental illness as part of your relationship advice. Most people here are not qualified for this, nor the idea that you are already on the edge of suicide.
Please, for your own sake, I'd suggest getting off the internet and seeing a therapist. The internet is not a good place for dealing with mental illness; it often times can exacerbate it in the anonymity of it.
Yeah 100% troll
Girl stop. What’s going to happen if you have kids and he comes home after a night out drunk like this!?
It's not aboit making him comfortable spending money – he won't be.
It's about how you both manage it.
Do you share bills / finances?
Perhaps he sits down with his income and allocates X to the finances, X for savings etc.
And perhaps you agree an account for social/relaxing that is purely for that between you and that is what he spends. That way he knows his finances are still under control and he has his money organised but he knows he has this fund to use for that purpose.
At the end of the day the money isn't yours to wave around. If your dad died and left money, then yeah, do whatever you want with it. This is up to her unfortunately. Maybe it sounds harsh, but there's always gonna be a divide when it comes to mixed families. Favoritism will be involved, and honestly how can you blame someone for that? Their own family comes first. You can try to pester her about it and maybe she'll cabe but it could leave a nasty mark, because in her mind you and your kid are separate. You may wanna consider keeping it that way
We can't control the reactions of others, and your families reactions aren't coming from a place of love and compassion. That alone tells me that you shouldn't be investing your physical well being in their responses.
Everyone makes mistakes. People can grow from their mistakes. You are not the same person you were back then. Don't let your family dictate your personal worth. Don't let your families poor decisions destroy your life and personal growth.
Reach out to a friend for support and seek professional help to help you get through the emotions you are going through at them moment.
Take that job.
Your opinion is heavily valued, I think I've been needing to hear this stuff from others. I'm just glad to know I'm not the only one thinking something is wrong. Thank you for the advice, I'll be sure to put it to good use.
Gosh my husband also made dumb statements once in a while?
Had a talk with him and he toned it down.
I think he tried to tease you because of how you reacted and wanted to be provocative.
You should just confront him and set a clear boundary that you don’t allow these kind of ideas thrown around so carelessly and it impacts your trust.
He normally should apologize if you stay persistent and not deflect your point of view.
If she has any pictures of her injury she could file charges against him. Regardless, im so proud of you and her for getting away from that psychopath. I hope both of you can be safe and he can go behind bars. Please get therapy for the trauma youve endured with this abuser. Sending you love and light???
Very abusive, this is not okay. I was dating someone like this for 5 years. I lost who I was. I’m now married, very happy with someone who would never use mean words to tease me ever.
What’s the space like at your parents?
I wouldn’t stay and take the risk. I also would have second thoughts about having the babies.
You were drunk . You did stupid things . In the morning you will be sober . Say sorry . Say you want to make it right . Say sorry some more . And learn a lesson for the future – your judgement goes to pieces when you are drunk – so now you know that – you have a choice about whether you get in that state again now you know what the risks are .
This is the standard configuration in France and in some others nations.
It's basically the same principle as 13375P34K
“Fleeced ” heh heh.. I see what you did there.
Okay but she said she didn’t realize how much weight she gained. I feel like it was probably briefly mentioned. I don’t understand how one day you realize that you gained weight like that. Op should focus on herself
I’d say he does love something about you in particular but just didn’t vocalize it in that way. Sounds like you’re incredibly loyal, and that is indeed a rare and wonderful quality!
Considering she told you about the gross messages that he sent her, she could just be keeping the peace for the sake of family. She could have told her cousin and her cousin didn’t care. Or she could be worried that her cousin would get mad at her for your friend is doing.
If you don’t trust her, break up with her. It sounds like your friend is shitty so you have romaine a judgment call whether or not you believe her over him.
If she had a secret relationship with him, I doubt she would mention getting gifts for him.
Say something to your brother first.
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We've been married 8 months now and this was our first christmas together. He has two kids (5M and 7F) from his previous marriage. He was supposed to have the kids for Christmas morning according to the custody order, but the little ones begged to stay with their Mom. His ex has a large family and it was going to be a huge christmas for them with lots of cousins and grandparents. Whereas my husband doesn't have any family nearby.
I had done all the decorations and cooking like he wanted. But I had made the desserts I know to bake and not the cookies the kids wanted because I didn't know how to make them. Since the divorce every Christmas the kids ask to stay with their Mom since that sounds more fun to them and that has been a painful point for him. I understood that and put in a lot of work to make it as magical as we can at our home, but kids still wanted to be with their extended family. Which is also something I empathize with. I myself come from a large family and I totally understand how the kids feel, also they are so young.
He was heartbroken about it and I tried to console him and make him happy. Christmas morning he was sad over all the unopened presents for kids. I tried to distract him by pointing out that we could use this time to celebrate our relationship and he blew up at me. He called me a failure for my inability to make the cookies they usually had saying that is the reason the kids didn't stay. He screamed at me that he compromised and married someone not in his league so his kids would have a good mother figure and what good am I if I can't even do that. Then stuff about all the ways I was lacking physically and that he was stuck with a prude.
I was so shocked I couldn't say anything. I just took my purse and left. I drove to my parents house. We were supposed to arrive for dinner and everyone can see that somethings wrong, but I haven't told anyone anything. I didn't want to ruin others christmas. He showed up at dinner time and acted all pleasant and normal. He gave me my gift, some expensive earrings and has been very charming with my family.
We got back and he went to bed and I've been sitting up thinking that there is no coming back from this. Would it be a mistake to quietly plan my exit?
Hey I mean thats fair. The only thing I’ll say is that she got a new phone about 3 months ago so it wasn’t an old phone from years ago. It just presented me the opportunity to look through her phone without trying to sneak her phone away from her. Trust me I’ve never said I’m “mature” enough to date and I’m sure I’m not. But the point really is that it happened and now I’m trying to deal with the information at hand
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What a fucking shitshow this post is.
You could have died & he is being really nonchalant about it. He either recognizes he acted badly but is so embarrassed he’s deflecting or he honestly doesn’t care that you could have died. Either way, do you want to be with someone who can’t admit they are wrong or is so narcissistic that they are gaslighting you to think it’s not a big deal? Both options scream ⛳️?⛳️?⛳️?
We are both from UE countries and our cultures are pretty similar (neither of our countries does arrange marriages).
He knows he screwed up this one. In his words “he was stressed to get me something and didn’t think in that moment”. I love him dearly but you’re right, I’m worried about more time passing and nothing changing
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Why did you split up ? Document this and show it to your lawyer as this is psychological abuse and blackmail
I wouldn’t be able to forgive something like this, also what was even the point in telling you if he’s not going to admit it’s a problem and try and work on it? Personally I would move on, there are plenty of men out there that would be more than happy to treat you right.
I'm sure there are may exceptions. Reddit is a good place for this. It isn't personal, just in general. Sometimes it can make you doubt yourself.
Yeah he is scared and angry. Which is I guess why I feel so hopeless and that I wanna do or say something that helps.
Thanks again. You made me feel better
No – it truly is complicated.
One suspects he's not as “excited” and “happy” about this premature pregnancy as you'd like to believe. The idea of parenthood when you've only just moved in together would be terrifying to most people (especially if you don't both have really good jobs with flexible hours). So if you do plan to keep the baby and try to raise it together you should get into some couples counseling. Once you're parents you have to put your relationship dramas on the back burner so try to get some of this sorted out now.
Try again.
You know it’s a lot easier for everyone if OP just went No Contact instead of playing games and causing excess drama. If he actually wanted to heal and move on, he’d stop interacting with his ex all together and stop looking at and reminiscing over the past. Therapy may also be helpful in learning how to PROPERLY navigate his emotions with this situation.
then I don't understand your perspective at all. if my wife (of 12 years) cheated on me (G-d forbid) then I would vehemently hate the affair partner and feel betrayed by their callous disregard for the importance of the marriage vows that both my wife and I made. not to mention their callous disrespect for my home, my family, my children, and the quality of my life having been destroyed irrecoverably.
i find it disturbing that you are either ignorant to this dynamic, or wilfully resistant to it. it seems like an ideal rather than something that you have actually placed yourself “in the shoes” of.
in any case agree to disagree, I suppose. you are free to your own opinions. we have different values. I don't have judgement for that.
Mom here. Mom from Florida. Unless you are willing to stay in Ohio, this relationship is a no go. Do you want kids? Because that’s another 21 years at least. You want different things.
No? Rushing into a new man's home is not necessarily the answer.
I know, sadly she won’t support me, my dad used to cheat on my mom and beat her up and she never left him
Girlfriend. You have the upper hand now. You know, and he doesn’t know you know.
Life is long. But it ain’t that long. So you’ve spent 20 years in this marriage- this is NOT how you’re going to spend the next twenty.
There is NOTHING worth keeping you in a miserable marriage.
Please, I’m begging you!!! Take the upper hand here. Don’t let him decide your fate any longer. SHOCK him and fucking leave! Don’t let him take you for granted for one more millisecond! Let him regret everything. Let him rot. I don’t give a SHIT! you deserve your happy ending. You deserve your fairytale.
Your wife’s actions won’t have been made solely on the shock of your recent difficulties/discovery. This will have been a long time in the making. Although you now feel better in yourself, you are a very long way from being mentally, physically and emotionally stable. You would be well advised to try to focus all of your attention on becoming more permanently stable and well. Good luck.
Ah ok, I understand. I do believe her but it’s just so hard to accept that it happened, especially with people that were close to me. Thanks, I feel more confident in my choice. I will cut him off.
What should you do?? You should move on with your life. Nothing you do will make her love you and she clearly has no love left for you anymore.
Thank you. I needed to hear that. It's simply put. I appreciate it.
Then what do you actually want here? He wants to go on a vacation with the woman he cheats on you with and pointing out how terrible that is doesn’t seem to convince him of it. So either suck it up and deal with it or don’t. There’s no middle ground here, you don’t trust him not to cheat again and he doesn’t seem concerned about convincing you he won’t. So either leave or live! with it, there’s nothing Reddit can tell you to make you feel better. Go get counseling
I wish that were true. Real-world experience has proven to me countless times that no, love alone sometimes is not enough.
This is not a healthy situation for you. It’s not likely to change. You deserve better and can do better. It may hurt but I would let him go. It’s a matter of self respect and self preservation. The future you will be proud of what you did.
Everything is happening under the assumption he is the father, when a paternity test hasn’t been done. No decisions need to be made until it gets done
He’s using you. He’ll figure it out. He’ll probably latch onto someone else in the same way immediately after. Likely one of the others he’s messaging. Guys who do this are serial offenders. This is how they get by in life while doing the bare minimum.
She probably will, but are you're friends really going to side wirh your 29yo stalker or you? Not to mention you're about to move to another country and make loads of new friends??
I think you need to proceed very carefully and put some distance between you and both of these men.
The only time I've ever experienced something like this play out, it turned out the perp was a friend of the young woman and he seemed to be getting off on the role of comforting her about what was happening, providing empathy, helping her “try to catch” her tormentor etc. All the while he was escalating the stalking and behaviours.
keep the police in the loop
get security cameras
do not spend any alone /one on one time with ANY of the car guys
keep a record of everything suspicious
tell your CLOSE and long term friends, and your neighbours, you have a malicious stalker and ask them to keep an eye out
Seriously, I'm confused as well.
Maybe it's because where I'm from (not the US) having a joint account and your own personal account is pretty standard.
The amount paid into the joint account depends on how much you make so you both have the same amount of “fun money”. That's completely fair to me.
Ish…
For one we were like 6+ months into our relationship and he never posted about me
You are 36. If you measure your relationship the same way teenagers do…
I found out that 5 days before coming out to meet my parents he went on a first date
Then this. Then you moved in with him. And you are wondering WTH happened?
yeah, i definitely need to focus on healing. i got caught up in the moment without thinking, but now i definitely know i will wait or pass on hookup culture
There’s a chance some of that was just emotions and she doesn’t mean it there’s also a chance she’s been wanting her mom out for a while and can’t hold it in any longer. There’s no reason to say she is too angry that’s just invalidating her. You can say you noticed how upset she got and want to talk about it and the things she said. That way it comes across as concern instead of judgment.
Right?! Who needs enemies with friends like this
You seem to have a very skewed view of friendship. You feel like you must keep every relationship at arms length or you just can't help but cheat on your partner with someone else. That is not what friendship is.
People are allowed to have close, platonic friends of the same or opposite gender. It is wildly unrealistic of you to expect your boyfriend to stop being friends with someone else because you are afraid that he might develop feelings for her.
I’d never love with someone I wasn’t married to…and I have no plans on getting married anytime soon
While it’s not for your wife to decide who you talk to, and while I think it is reasonable to support your friend, I think you should talk to her and find out what it is about advising your friend that she’s upset about.
Now generally, you have to be cautious about giving advise to people in relationships because frequently you’re getting half of the story and it can come back to burn you but that’s not in itself a reason not to support a friend. Is there some other reason? Does she think there’s more to your relationship with this woman
Consent is the name of the game, and she didn't consent to you watching porn and you KNEW that. Whether you believe it's cheating or not, you were unfaithful. She is healing from birthing your kids and you decided to do something you knew she'd be unhappy about. Did you even ask/explain your need to alleviate sexual tension prior to watching porn? If you didn't, then that's a costly mistake. One that could end your marriage and get you into a very crap position with your kids.
Op you played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. The best you can do is give her space and see if she comes to the table. Let her know you love her, and are giving her the space she needs to figure this out on her end. Because legitimately her Postpartum depression is going to go to fucking town on her brain. And you heavily exacerbated that. You. No one else. If it sounds harsh think of it this way. She just gave birth to your kids and is going through emotional, psychological, and physical changes expecting her husband to stand by her side as promised in your vows. And her husband decided to not even consult her about it. You're in no good position to change her mind.
I don't think I could ever trust someone who is buddy buddy with shameless cheaters. Honestly I would feel tempted to tell on her friends to their boyfriends.
I would still be worried that even if she did agree to you, that you would come home one night to find Mark had moved in.
Hey man, sorry to hear about your break-up. I know it sucks to lose a romantic partner and a friend group at the same time. I think you should give them some space and time to process what happened. Don’t try to force yourself into their lives or make them choose sides. Just be respectful and civil when you see them, and maybe reach out to the ones you’re closest with individually. If they’re really your friends, they’ll understand and appreciate your honesty. And if not, then maybe they’re not worth keeping around.
You’re still young and have plenty of opportunities to meet new people and make new friends. Just focus on yourself and your hobbies, and don’t let this break-up define you. You’ll get through this, bro. Stay strong and positive.
If your man doesn't have your back, why are you marrying him?
Two days of work and he’s ready to quit and live! off you again? Oh come on OP you seem like a lovely person but you’re being used! Have you noticed that everything you say is an excuse for him? At some point he needs to take personal responsibility
PLENTY of people with mental health issues manage to work full time and he seems to come with nothing but drama and non stop excuses
You can’t save everyone and quite frankly you deserve more than this manchild!
I thought there was no sex? How’d you get pregnant?
Usually alcoholics like this need to be kept away from even looking at alcohol for years. AA meetings were never going to help her, she needs to be in intensive rehab. She doesn’t sound serious about wanting to be sober, she just wants to trick you into thinking she’s sober.
You only think this is the best you can do because she’s told you that over and over. That’s very abusive. You will be able to find someone else, no they won’t be perfect, but they’ll at least be conscious. She isn’t conscious though, you are a means to an end, not a partner to her.
Yeah, no, you are absolutely a waste of time, for someone who is childfree (or just doesn’t want to date someone with kids). Even more importantly, you’re an asshole for being deceitful.
Do you know how hard it is for childfree people to date? Hell, even if someone isn’t childfree, they should have a good idea about VERY important, life altering things, like children, before the first date.
I’d be so angry if some dude hid a whole ass kid from me. Even worse if I wasted my limited time talking to, flirting with, getting to know, and then going on a date with, only to find out that there’s a kid. You trying to justify it with “I only have them once a month” doesn’t make you more appealing either btw.
I think you need to get an accurate answer to this. Don't just assume what the law is.
I wouldn't because the fact of the matter is you have no proof that this is true, and even if it somehow was true, you maybe opening a wound that she hasn't healed from yet.
Just be patient with her and if there's something to tell, she'll tell you on her own terms.
Don't blow off an interview for your girlfriend – especially one you are already not sure about! Damn dude. Don't be a fool.
Best of Reddit updates? Would be my guess lol
I mean… yeah… that’s pretty much why I’m putting up with it especially with his health declining more. I don’t want to have any regrets..
He's clearly struggling with losing his step-dad and sounds like your'e not connecting very well with him over it.
It sounds to me like you need to have a heart-to-heart with him and ask what more you can do to help him feel understood, supported and cared for.
I wouldn't over-analyse the drinking too much. It simply means he is struggling.
If you haven’t met anybody in his life and he hasn’t brought you to his place.. my immediate thought is he is cheating on his actual partner (gf/wife) with you.
Please fix yourself. Another worthless bum
That sounds like a tough problem. The words I would use to describe her are critical or carping. She's probably right that it was a learned reaction from childhood. It could also be a symptom of her overall mood and outlook on life. Stress-free and happy generally means more genuine engagement with others.
Truth be told, shes 33 years old and this behavior haa persisted in your relationship for so long that it will be much harder for her to change her attitude at this stage. She certainly does need to know just how much its affecting your relationship so as not to underestimate the severity of the situation. Keep touching base on it and be sure to show your appreciation when she breaks from her bad habit.
“You just sort of came out with it”? Why? What was the purpose? You led him down a path of insecurity for what reason? If this was AITA, you’d be that.
And does size really matter to you? I’ve never noticed anyone’s size, just their caring/attention etc. if I were him, I’d leave you
I would wonder why your sister wants to destroy your relationship with your girlfriend. And is your sisters friend trying to get to you
She cheated and lied to you.
Is that something you can come back from or get over?
Keeping your own last names is fine. Just a few things to keep in mind — it will be harder for you to be recognized as a married couple in some instances. Maybe carry around a photo of your marriage license or something. Thinking of things like medical emergencies, potential children’s school emergencies, etc. Be ready to prove that the two of you are in fact married when asked for verification that an ID with same last names would usually prove.
If you check I think you will find that usually solo masturbation and sex with a partner is the usual situations for most people.
Now the question is – why so seldom.
His number three times a week – sounds reasonable- but I would take a bet that either he is lying (that he would do it 6-7 times or more) or that he is a bit asexual.
I think you need to look at several aspects of your relationship.
First – the feelings between you. Love is many times defined as consisting of two parts. Passionate love and compassionate love.
In short passionate love is the “in love” feeling where you get “a bit obsessed” with your partner. You want to be with them, you are jealous and when you touch your partner you feel it very vividly. You could call this a bit sexual love.
Compassionate love is where you care for your partner. He is your best friend. You feel good being around him. You prioritise his needs – but in a calm feel good way.
Now the one thing to remember is that passionate love starts diminishing after a period of 6-12 months. That basically means that sexual frequency start diminishing after that.
So taken into account that you have been together for 4 years it is not surprising that your sexual frequency has gone down (especially if it was never common before).
A second thing to remember are habits. If you have started to have infrequent sexual contact- then that does two things – that sort of fixes the rhythm of your sex life.
It does not surprise me that you still feel very much in love – as the compassionate love is clearly still burning bright – but as you have noticed – this carries the risk of being a platonic or sexless relationship. More best friends then lovers.
Now what to do?
You have already started the process to talk about it so at least the situation is clear. However you have noticed to talk about thing does not change them. This is the power of habits and inertia. It is VERY difficult to change your behaviour – even though you want to.
There are several ways to deal with this – and I will give you a very short description of some of them.
Communication. Sex should not be something you only talk about while you are doing it or when you are complaining about the lack. Decide on a regular date in a dark room with candle lights when you will talk about improving your sex life while cuddling. Write your decisions down so you can follow up next tile you date. Remember be open, honest, tolerant and kind ( both of you!) These are touchy subjects and no blame policy is the name of the game. (This methode can also be used for other things in the relationship).
So what to talk about?
Great sex is not something you put on one person. There was a reason why there were in the marriages some fixed times when you have sex. So it should not be that he is supposed to signal he wants sex – no you have to plan it together and fix times.
Sex should be varied – so think about mixing up your stuff. Check on sensual massages, mutual masturbation and oral, try new positions and new places. The more variation the leas likely things go stale.
If you would not have these body issues you could maybe explore each other fantasies. Be careful that you do not start talking about this unless you have put boundaries in place.
Make a rule of making out with out sex when you meet. If you make it into a habit to behave like you want sex when you meet the more likely you get into the rhythm.
Finally – think through your dates. Make them sexy and active. Footsie while dining together, hold each other watching horror movies or when in a roller coaster or other fun fair stuff that ia exciting. Regular kissing.
Hope this helps
I have reminded him of things we did at the start before but perhaps I’ll have another go at that. And maybe do them myself for a while to see if he gets it.
That's a great plan.! Please update me if it works. Virtual hugs.
Idk, it sounds like he flat out told you he couldn’t be in a relationship with you, and you decided to hold out hope for it anyway. Yes maybe it would have been better to end the friendship with someone he knows had feelings for him, but I don’t think it was wise to get so emotionally attached to someone who plainly told you he wasn’t ready for a relationship with you. Chalk it up to experience and move on
He will try the baby trap thing.
Currently we don’t live! together, I have suggested the idea of phone calls such as that but she’s a 100% in person type person and does not feel she gets the attention she wants over the phone
OP speak with her and kindly & calmly remind her that “she is a guest in your house and as such, she has technically stolen your property. While you are sure she means well, you are not HER child and she is not your prison warden. And for the sake of your partner you are calmly and politely asking her to please return your items.”
Then when she doesn't wait it out and on her last day when she returns it thank her and thank her for showing you how to be a parent, because when someone asks childish they need to be called on it and there are consequences to actions and as such her childish actions have ensured that she is on a physical guest time out for the next 3 months at which point you will reevaluate her guest status.
Also when you stay seething at hotel you get charged if you take something on a credit card perhaps next time she needs to give you the dials of her credit card for such instances.
It’s been an abusive relationship.
This is why. He is pissed off he can't control you anymore.
Don't give it a second thought. He is just punishing himself.
In the process of planning my escape now! I know he’s going to try to make his way over here when i get off work & I have ring cameras around my apartment that he is aware of so i would hope he doesn’t try anything crazy! & thank you!!
i’m so sorry he did this to you. it’s not fair, and i know you might feel like “if he never does this again, then it’ll be okay, and i love him so i’ll just ignore this” but these are never isolated incidents. if he was truly concerned about this, he should have had an adult conversation with you about the insecurity, not treat you like shit to see what happens like a social experiment. it’s disrespectful and not loving at all. i know what you’re going through honey and i’m sorry for how hurt you feel…you are better off severing the ties and protecting your heart from this man. all love to you ?
It’s really hard to feel any feelings of pity for you when you refuse to do anything for yourself and excuse their behavior. You dont deserve a supervisor role if your allowing this bs to happen after the first mention of it. Making us who take it seriously feel very ashamed currently.
Yep.
I'm no therapist but I get the sense that she's somewhat worried about what not giving you PIV sex would mean for your future. I don't know if it's ever come up but that's the feeling I get reading your story. Hope everything works out for you two.
Bizarre.
If you do go through with this FOCUS on your wife. Don’t just use this as an opportunity to sleep with the friend. Work with the friend during the threesome to make your wife the center person. Have fun with the other lady but mostly about your wife.
Lol this is fake af.
Yes, it's a fetish. It is literally the description of a fetish. In my opinion it is not racist.
i've read enough to know this is true, but I just cannot even FATHOM why anybody would bother to do this. I guess it's just that I'm not a sociopath? But I fail to understand the motivation to put on a show for years just to be able to be a giant asshole.
Or OP made this story up lol. What kind of lawyer would advise someone to ignore this instead of establishing paternity? (Fake one lol). Also what on earth would possess this woman to think she can get full custody of a child just because the mother is mentally ill? This is a fake post and OP clearly did not do her research. Either this is a fake story or OP is a grade A gullible dumbass.
Lmaoooo! Ok so let’s assume this story is true. First, your math sucks. Secondly, why are you blaming this “psycho”?? Your THIRTY YEAR OLD boyfriend busted in a random without a condom simply because she said she was on the pill. 16 year old boys know better than that.
Stfu. ?
To be clear, she’s shady af and her reaction was WAY out of line. I just also think it’s shady he was withholding multimillionaire status and having her cover the bill here and there. ESP because she is soooo underpaid and prob struggling to even pay rent on that salary. She could give in many non financial ways.
Party with party girls.
Don't get in relationships with them.
I don’t care how many drinks I’ve had. I would never do this. That’s insane.
I don’t think he deserves a chance to explain but ig that’s really up to you ??♀️
Or I don’t make shitty comments and say things that actually add some kind of value or entertainment that people upvote? I’m not offended. I’m laughing at the fact you went to my profile to try to find something to make fun of me about.
“She never cheated on me, she just cheated on her husband”
……
I'm not sure if that comment is the stupidest one from your post or the one saying you wanted to marry her because she made you breakfast one time.
I’m 24 and I don’t even have a single friend who is 18. The age difference, maturity level, where we are in our lives…. Doesn’t line up.
Theyre living paycheck to paycheck yet she calls in to not work often…
What's your point? If she's not hourly or has a decent amount of sick time/pto then her calling out has nothing to do with the amount of money she takes home.
Honestly based on your post and update here, you need to break up with her. If you don’t you’re going to end up being a dad before you’re ready and tbh a child deserves better than that.
I am surprised it took you that long to say that. It needed to be said, maybe not while yelling but sometimes that happens. And it was in response to her outburst. People on Reddit condemn people who yell at their SO. If it’s a one off thing every now and then it’s ok. She does it all the time. You don’t. I feel that you have done all you could. If she can’t accept that you had sex before her then your relationship is over.
You're roommate fixed your car for free after you got all pissy at him. Then you gf took you to work then you got all pissy at her. Then she went back to get YOUR truck and they got hungry?? Wtf is your problem? You need to apologize to both of them or may find yourself lonely real soon.
Don’t go over there anymore. If he can’t accept that, then I guess that’ll have to be the end of it
and I hate thinking that I'm going to add to her overall heartbreak.
The way you feel currently is VERY unlikely to change, so given that constant (to put it in math terms), this will only get worse the longer you wait.
Since you are aware now, you should tell her now. If you wait say another year, that's a year of you keeping a secret from her. And the heartbreak will be even worse.
It might be possible to remain friends with her, but I do think it's best to start with a clean break first so that you both have time to adjust to not being together anymore. Going to being friends straight away could confuse the break-up.
All those comments are going to take a toll on your kids. The wife’s dismissal of your feelings. The kids see all that. Time for a serious talk.
Good point. She seems to be a shy person. However, I feel she doesn’t trust me? Or not comfortable with me then? I would send ugly, nice, handsome selfies or anything she asked for. She rarely ask for it anyways. It’s usually me doing the heavy lifting. I feel like one sided love.
Give yourself permission to leave. Permission to start fresh without having to worry about what your husband is doing while he is at work. Permission to never feel lonely while you are with him again. It is exhausting living with someone you can’t twist. It’s ok to no longer be available for this kind of mental mindfuck. Move on.
There’s no way to get past the fact your husband pimped you out to his rapist brother. I’m pretty sure that if your husband and his brother still looked identical, he never would have even asked you about this and would have had his brother rape you repeatedly until you got pregnant. It’s absolutely repulsive behaviour and you deserve so much better.
If your partner doesn't have any genuine empathy for you and doesn't see any reason to change, then you could wait to the end of time and not see an improvement.
Reading your story I am struck by how volatile your relationship was and I seriously wonder why on Earth you got married when there were so many problems in it. Now she's got a ring on her finger your partner appears to have lost all incentive to put any effort into things. Having health problems is one thing, but there's no excuse for her to not even both to hug or show any compassion towards you.
You're not a wife you're a caregiver.
My love, you know what you have to do. What you should have done long before now.
Enough is efuckingnough.
Find your self respect and keep him out for good this time.
I think it’s that in real life age gap relationships like someone else said is a minority yet a huge chunk disproportionate to real life of bad posts here happen to be age gap relationships.
No, it’s a polite no.
Ya I read the title and was like ummm how do you accidentally cheat on someone??? That wasn’t cheating you were assaulted. This woman is not her bf. A bf wouldn’t pull some shit like this. I wish you the best but you absolutely need to tell your gf.
That’s not normal or okay. You don’t get to throw that in her face the rest of her life. It’s been 3 years. If you stayed you should’ve forgiven her 3 years ago and worked to at least have enough self control to not bring it up with every argument. You need some help.
That’s not normal or okay. You don’t get to throw that in her face the rest of her life. It’s been 3 years. If you stayed you should’ve forgiven her 3 years ago and worked to at least have enough self control to not bring it up with every argument. You need some help.
That’s not normal or okay. You don’t get to throw that in her face the rest of her life. It’s been 3 years. If you stayed you should’ve forgiven her 3 years ago and worked to at least have enough self control to not bring it up with every argument. You need some help.
Just stand at the door when she is ready to leave and tell her that you will be seeing a lawyer while she is gone. “What, why?” ‘You know why. I know everything. Enjoy your trip’.
Because she cares and I want to understand?
Sometimes, experiences change people. The experience of feeling sexual attention from these women might be warping his perspective – he might just be like this until something humbles him.
Honestly? My first boyfriend and I started taking “breaks” when he realized there were other women in the world who found him attractive. Your story sounds familiar. After a lot of sad times I eventually dumped him and he freaked out when he realized that there were people out there who found me attractive, too – I wasn't just the safe person he could run back to when he was lonely or feeling rejected. There were people in the world who saw more value in me, and then I started to see that value in myself. And once I realized he really was that fragile, and that I meant so little to him, I never looked back. I would encourage you to get out there, gain a sense of confidence and never look back. You are beautiful and worthwhile and this isn't someone who wants to help you see that anymore. It'll hurt now but you'll be so much stronger and happier in the end.
No, he’s pretty spiritual for the most part but definitely not religious
INFO: What do you guys do when you come over at 9? Is it just sex? Because if it is, you’re a booty call and not a girlfriend
I'm sorry, OP, but you dodged a bullet. The bullet of a weak-minded partner. If he's put off by family antics, he'll never survive any of the REAL problems in life. He just told you what he'll do any time he encounters unpleasantness: run. So believe him and know now what NOT to look for in a man.
Me too. Poor guy doesn't know he's her backup husband and her ex is the “love of her life”.
I hope he reads this and dumps her dumbass.
Lol, you saw him just for some minutes, and you know his reality, that he can't even stay with one. Why to be worried because he has now two GF, that can be paid or just were playing with your mind. He is an AH, move on, enjoy your better live!, because he couldn't offer you nothing valuable.
You come across as controlling and you should walk away
I would worry that he’s attracted to juveniles. Don’t worry about a prenup. Worry about your teenage daughter having a sleepover and your husband harassing her friends.
It’s not the only concern, she did not go to a party, and I clearly stated that I have never seen her act this way. She goes to her friends apartment and all of a sudden she’s stressed??
Does she apologize after she's not mad anymore? Or is she defensive and mad that you're still dwelling on it?
OP: DO NOT DO IT. I had this happen with an ex of mine. I SWORE he was the one and super mature and responsible and I offered to co-sign. He stopped wanting to make the $500/mo payment and sent it back, and now I’ve got that permanent mark on my credit score and I’m $8k in debt because that’s how much was left after it was auctioned off.
Has he shown you respect though? You said that you'd have to teach him not to physically hurt you while you're kissing. A person that respects you listens to you the first time you're voicing something like this and tries to be better. It doesn't sound like he'd do that.
And no. This is not a common thing all or the majority of men do.
You deserve better.
It sounds like he doesn't even like you.
I tied my ex partner's shoelaces because he had a hemorrhoid that made it hard to sit down or stoop without pain. He wasn't even pregnant with my child.
He might not realize. He could be this dense. I know that's optimistic but some people don't realize how rude they are until you confront them
It sounds like she couldn't sleep, wanting some sort of attention or emotional high and when the normal questions weren't doing it, she decided to cause mental pain for herself.
This sounds like a bit of an addiction to high emotions tbh. I've definitely went through it also after coming from a turbulent upbringing. More than just that however, she is teaching or has taught herself that bed is a place to think and over analyse stuff and feel these things. This also becomes addictive, the brain really associates bed with this instead of sleep and it starts to automatically go here at night.
This is work for her. She either needs to work on herself, go to therapy for help or read up on options to make this happen less. It's not easy, I've ended up resorting to putting one earphone in and listening to semi interesting but not too interesting youtube videos. Audio books, game or TV show lore, random hobby stuff like about fish tanks etc. I starter off still struggling to sleep. Now I don't remember more than the first 10 mins of any video. I recommend she tries something like this.
Next issue, you are tired and trying to sleep and she's poking you and keeping you awake. I get she's young and is doing stupid things, but honestly this isn't OK. It's not fair on you and if you stay with her, this isn't something you want for the rest of your life before a busy work shift or stressful day ahead. She's not respecting your time, tiredness, sleep etc, because she can't sleep. That's her problem, not yours. The idea that you are responsible for it isnt something she should build up. Next thing if you don't respond or tell her you're sleeping and to stop it, will be throwing tantrums or going in moods and taking that out on you all the next day also. Not ok.
This is what I would do tbh. I'd turned her around, spoon her for a bit and say something like this, 'listen, I love you but you're having issues sleeping regularly, I'm not and you're making me exhausted and sleep deprived because of your issue. You're an adult and your own person and it's not fair to try to cause me issues because of yours. These questions your asking arent appropriate, you're now making me feel horrible and anxious along with you for things you don't want to know and I don't care about anymore. I'm not answering them anymore, because you're just trying to hurt yourself with them and I don't understand why you want to do that. You need to remember that I love you, I'm not with or remembering or caring about anymore else, and you need to work on what's going on here with you. It's not fair, normal or OK to try to make me feel anxious and awful and keep me awake to give yourself some sort of stimulation. Now you can ask me a few normal things if you want to for a few minutes, but then I'm going to sleep.”
Something like that. Don't answer stupid things, put a stop to it but kindly. Anything like this is a bad habit, bad bed association and a reach out for some sort of stimulation or emotional high from you. Ditto with her needing space… you can either actually leave her or tell her similarly, that she's made you feel awful anxious and uncomfortable, for things she shouldn't have asked in the first place and kept your awake harrasing and poking you which is not ok. But honestly I think she sounds like she's saying she wants space, but being the type of person who seeks out these emotional highs, is actually trying to cause you grief so you chase and reach out to her and comfort her and tell her 'only you, you're better, bad things about ex' etc. Do not give her that, or you'll teach her to keep doing this. She is self sabotaging and needs to learn to work on herself and respecting you and your space, rights and boundaries, or get help of she can't.
Do you really want to spend your life with someone who’s disinterested in sex? Don’t convince yourself that this doesn’t matter.
Move on.
I went to the bathroom and spent 5 minutes throwing an insane amount of shade at me. Everything from I am disgusting, I am garbage. Then he outright told me to break up with my SO or he would do it for me because our relationship “disgusts” him.
First off, grow a spine my man. Why in the fuck did you sit there and take that? After 5 seconds, you should have said “why the fuck would I care what you think?” and walked out. Then tell your girlfriend you won't be hanging out with him again and if she wants to stay with you, she either needs to stop him down hard or find a new man. She can either trust you and be on your side or walk.
Being prudish has nothing to do with not liking porn. Sorry for the tmi but im quite adventurous in that department but due to past experiences, I would never want a life partner that uses porn to get off. There are also a lot of studies that prove how harmful porn is. It actively promotes viewing women as objects and ruins peoples intimacy capabilities and their views on sex in relationships. Maybe you should look into this more and have another discussion with her about how she’s feeling and what you’re planning to do to fix it. The silent treatment is never ok or healthy but I understand why she’s so upset over the whole thing.
OP should read this. Cut off the brother a 100% from their lives. OP shouldn’t be constantly reminded of what happened between his wife and his brother, doesn’t matter if its in the past. The brother will rub it in OP’s face everytime they interact. That shit fucks you up left, right and center.
You two are financially opposite. A critical conversation was either skipped in dating or someone lied. But money is what drives people apart and he is hellbent on keeping that a reality.
You can have conversations with him and try to get him to see your side. What i'm wondering is, who wants a partner that discourages them from being financially healthy and secure, while making them pay more proportionately.
Paying rent would be weird. Is he only asking you to move in to make money off of you? This would feel like a landlord and tenant relationship more than a partnership. If you do move in and pay rent, make sure you have a lease.
He’s not who you thought he was. The person you loved wasn’t real. 🙁 please, just run. This will never get better.
I'm sure you already heard this but the word is Amends not amendments. It could have been a typo. No worries. Anyways, to be honest his actions show more negatively on him than your actions do on you. You tried a drug and got sick. If he can't handle that and acts like this he's not a very good boyfriend. Things happen especially when you are experimenting with illegal drugs. He needs to realize that. He shouldn't act distant because of it. It's not like you did it on purpose. Not only that but he's upset because you embarrassed him. That's selfish thinking on his part. There is really nothing you can do. I guess in the future if you are going to experiment with illegal drugs do them at home first. Sit down and have a talk with him about how he is making you feel. Maybe he's in his head too much and doesn't realize how it's affecting you. Good luck.
Cringe bro. Are you really that desperate for some action?
If OP buys a gun, the most likely people to be shot with it are him and his kids.
And this my friend is the problem with ultimatums. They're a power move. By giving me an ultimatum he's forcing my hand instead of giving me agency which I highly value.
Give it more time. Drop the issue for the time being. Let your daughter get a little bit older….once she becomes a more independent and he can chill out around her, he might start to think, hey one more might not be so bad….. At least that's how it worked for me, haha. I had my first two and thought, nope never again. A few years later, I started to feel like I wanted one more. Started to feel like I could handle it emotionally and physically because my other children were older and didn't require as much 24 hour a day 1 on 1 attention. My mind had completely changed in a matter of years. This could happen with your partner, too.
Also if the partners fears were unfounded she definitely would have said “he's worried about parenting alone, which doesn't make sense because my first pregnancy went fine”
A relationship doesn't work with one mono and one poly.
It’s not a compliment at all. Frogs are ugly af. Dump him
I hate that term “hOuSe HaCkInG” it should just be called “being a greedy POS”. You’re just overcharging people for rent it’s not some genius idea.
Don’t communicate with her in any way whatsoever. Take screenshots and document any contact attempts and let the police know too, I’m not sure how it works but she might be doing something wrong as she got the order and now baits him and might be like phishing
Please don't make that mistake of believing that just because you have a disability you don't deserve a quality partner. It's patently obvious this guy's been taking advantage of you (and probably gaslighting you that you don't deserve better). Honestly, you'd be better off alone at this point.
Reading my comment… “break up with her publicly” is a bit more crass than I intended it to sound.
Not publicly like with a bullhorn screaming “I'm OUT!”…. but more in a group. with an “intervention” vibe. Her family there to help and talk and support.
You can care for her. Want her to have the support she needs. but also make sure that it's publicly known it's over and there's no going back.
Just my 2c and I've heard similar suggested before for other questions.
Good luck. sorry for your loss (gf and best friend).
Do you not see the problem with what you yourself just typed out?!?!
But if you would be upset about YOUR PARTNER fucking someone else you need to bring it up.
How can you refer to someone as “your partner” and simultaneously say, in the same sentence, that you need to tell “your partner” you would be upset if they fuck other people.
This is insane.
Why did she have the receipt? Did the boss not pay for her birthday dinner? Or is this a BS post for attention
The cry of going in circles is due to you not being heard or your feelings being acknowledged and validated by the other. They don't have to agree but to accept these thoughts is what's needed for you to have closure for the topic. My ex was like this, all I wanted was for him to try to see my point of view whether he thought was it right or wrong. Going in circles is frustrating for both people. To not have your feelings disregarded is a form of gaslighting
So he waited until you could not back down to let you know your gf was not invited? He used you.
I feel like there info missing here.
I understand the the two girlfriends don’t get along. But why the second exclusion. Do all your friends dislike your gf?
Or is it your one buddy or all your friends?
If they are just excluding her, I wouldn’t go at all. You can have an awesome time without ppl being ah about your gf.
To be honest she is more likely to hide something from me, even if it’s not embarrassing but still do it . So yeah that one also true to hide something that happened or did from me is most likely , cheating is least things im thinking about because i don’t want it to be real ,but if it is well i dont know . Life i guess. Im trying to overcome that idea by sharing this post because i have no one to share my thoughts with . Thank you friend for time i really appreciate it.
I think it would be overstepping. A lot.
Oh good gravy…you dodged a nuclear missile with this guy. Wash your hands of this douche canoe and find a REAL man.
Unless it's not a significant amount of money. If you can afford to lose the money, just move out now. He is abusive.
Professional mental help.
what can I do here?
Maybe kick this man out? Stop letting him abuse your kids more. Be a good parent ffs.
The only thing that’s stopping you is apparently he turns on his ‘charm’ and false promises. The man is a terrible father to his own kid, so no it’s not a surprise he’s terrible to yours too.
Have some backbone for the sake of your kids and stop choosing a man over them please
There will be drama with your live! mutual friends if you block this man for being abusive to you? I find that so bizarre. My friends would be on my side and be proud of me. They definitely wouldn’t cause drama. Maybe that’s something else for you to think about.
In eight years you have not had a straight conversation about his intentions and your longterm plans?! Gurrrrl…
My therapist told me that the person you needed to be to survive, isn’t the same at the one you need to thrive.
The thing is, you can't prove she isn't physically cheating if you're not there.
She's with him nearly all the time and you're working for 10 hours a day, they could literally be doing anything as she's even a stay at home mom. Her defensiveness is the biggest indicator that she's not being truthful about the nature of your interactions.
You also said she's taking the baby with them, so this other man is bonding with and playing pseudo-daddy to your kid.
How long has she been friends with him?
I deeply apologize for the annoyance. I really appreciate the effort you put to help me with this situation. She has been to counseling a few times before. In the past, I have also tried to act as exercise coach for her when hiring one wasn't an easy option. I will definitely encourage her to go to counseling and join a gym.
ew. why are you dating him. he should think you’re the best. not her. that’s why he’s supposedly dating you. not her. dump him and find someone who doesn’t criticize you over theoreticals and thinks you’re more interesting than someone he’s known for one month
A wife should not be entertaining other men, PERIOD. She is cheating . From my experience with woman that cheat, they dont stop. Do not be a fool and recognize it for what it is. I recommend getting a divorce, I assure it hurts but you will heal sooner than later, this coming from someone that dealt with a cheater for 8 years because we had a kid, one of the worse mistakes of my life. You been warned my brother …. Do not think for one second that she is not cheating, do not be her fool
I mean, it's used by guys who have a tendency to have fairly extreme views, and it probably won't be the last evidence you see.