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Room for online sex video chat SherylEliot
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Birth Date: 2003-09-15
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Date: October 31, 2022
Please get into therapy. You desperately need help finding self worth and stopping the self destructiveness that would keep you with him. You need help
Agreed.
The initial move in and cohabitating period the cursing started. I expressed how unacceptable the behavior was, but after being repeatedly told I was overly sensitive I allowed myself to believe it wasn’t all that bad as long as it wasn’t constant. Repeat this disagreement probably once a week and eventually more for 6 more years. I had a metal baby gate at the foot of my stairs to keep the dogs from going upstairs. In a fit of rage, that was thrown against the wall. My experience was a lot of physical objects being destroyed or punched. Walls. Two doors beaten in. A car window punched out. Punching or hitting various pieces of furniture while screaming. This started to escalate once we purchased a home. In fact, the week prior to closing on that home I’d forgotten my wallet at his mother’s house with my debit card inside. It was my personal bank account which had money only I had earned. None of his money was in the account at any time and I was providing the money for our down payment. His rage was so terrifying to me that night, I called a friend to try and help me talk him down. That was the first time I called someone terrified by this behavior. It wasn’t the last. Not even close. He wouldn’t rip objects out of my hands, but would always charge at me and scream in my face while holding his hands behind his back. He was taunting me because I was afraid, why would a woman be afraid of her husband hitting her if he had his hands behind his back? I will never ever forget that stance. When I see people holding their hands behind their back it causes me physical distress. Even now. The taunting and laughing and screaming at me continued nearly every time we had a fight. That behavior was most common and happened the entire 8 years we were together. A male friend of his called me a bitch on my 30th birthday while we were out. I was very upset he hadn’t said anything and failed to defend me or ask his friend to stop. When we got home, I slammed the door closed as we were walking in. That night was the first night he put his hands on me and shoved me for being so aggressive. In a blackout rage, he blocked the doorway while screaming at me to get out of the room. When I tried to get out and get away he grabbed me and either tripped or tackled me while I was screaming for him to get off of me and let me go. I can still hear my own screams for him to stop like I was watching a movie of the whole thing. He tackled me head first into the metal bed frame. While I was still face down on the floor, he got up off the floor and beat a hallway closet door in. The whole top part of the door was gone. I mean gone. He threw my purse down a flight of stairs when I got up off the floor and ran down to gather my things. I was able to get out of that house and run while he was trying to chase me down the sidewalk. Trying to follow me. Yelling. I somehow had the wherewithal to get an Uber close by and I won’t ever forget that car ride. The driver kept asking me if I was okay and if I needed police. I wouldn’t call. I was too afraid of getting in trouble for being drunk too. This incident was the final incident and actually occurred after we had separated and I was living elsewhere. The next day I went to the doctor and told them I’d fallen by accident. I had a concussion. He blamed me for the whole incident because I’d pissed him off.
OP, from the bottom of my heart I’m begging you to see this for what it is. I wish more than anything I’d had people to tell me these things in those moments. I needed some sort of confirmation I wasn’t going crazy. I wasn’t. I always tell people this: If you’re googling and posting to ask if behaviors are red flags or abusive, that’s the only confirmation you need. Your gut isn’t lying.
Idk if this is your style but I recommend taking yourself out to dinner and going to see a movie. Take a walk during sunset and listen to some good music. Have a beer outside somewhere and chat with the locals.
Learn how to enjoy being by yourself. Sending lots of positive vibes your way on your day of birth ?
I'm with you, OP. He probably cried and doesn't want to break up because he doesn't want to admit to himself he's unwilling to do the work, or that you're simply incompatible. Regardless, it's not really his words that matter here, unfortunately. His actions are giving him away.
well i just left her on read right now… so im waiting for her to initiate contact.
No, that’s not normal. I’m sorry. ?
oh yeah u shouldve, i mean even then open marriages is controversial so people still would say dumb shit, but whatever works for yall
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Not going to lie, I’m shocked by all the people that think this is sweet. It gives me major ick vibes too!
Why's that? I haven't seen an explanation for what makes this “ick” so far. It seems like it's based on vibes?
Well then tell her that her parents must be first cousins that are also raging pieces of shit.
Or you can say if her tits were any smaller they’d be coming out her back.
Don’t let this get to you dude.
Also get away from this person as soon as possible.
You don’t need people like that in your life.
Cheer up and have an awesome day!!!
Mhmm that makes me wonder how much of a life changer it is to have a glucose monitoring device. They have become pretty normal here the last five years, some sort of device which is like a small disk on people’s arm that is like 2cm in diameter. People tap their phone to it and it tells them their blood sugar level. The ability to just to know their blood sugar levels without a prick has to change a lot, and no guesswork based on just how you feel, weather it is blood sugar levels or something else.
That would be the last gift he would ever get if it were my boyfriend. It's not about the monetary value, it's about the thought and effort put into getting it. If your finances don't allow you to do more, that's perfectly acceptable. He sounds materialistic. And the fact that he ragged on you to his friends about it. Absolutely not acceptable.
What are the personal and family issues you have? Are you married already?
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Not really isolate me but early on, he had major trust issues. We were long distance at first. If I went grocery shopping, he made me FaceTime him the receipt so he could look at the time stamp. I figured because of long distance, that caused him to be insecure. If an ex texted me although I didn’t respond, he’d go a little crazy. But after I told him I’m leaving if he continues that, he stopped. His bio mom did give him and his brother up to his aunt as kids. Maybe he could have abandonment fears. Why do you ask?
If it helps, OP, my bet is that “up your alley” was the pun/innuendo she was going to use for whomever she gave the vibrating buttplug to.
I am asking for advice but not wether to stay with her or not. I'm just asking how to get over this and past it and put it behind us.
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I'm just really sorry dude. There's not much else i can say.
Can you just move the cat food? Why is it next to the bed anyway?
Move the cats bowl. If you have no problem with her taking pills to sleep, then the obvious solution is to just move the cat’s bowls and vacuum every day around the bed.
a “great sex life” with a man who doesn’t kiss you or go down on you, but expects you to eat his ass? girl…..
Does she have a therapy? If not, make her going! She needs to know you’re not a punch bag. Therapists can handle that. If your girlfriend refuses to seek for helps, then you have no powers to calm her anxiety. She could destroy your relationship with her if she’s keeping it up.
How do you know that your girlfriend trusts you?
Tbh I was never into babies and didn’t understand what the big deal was with them, wasn’t interested when friends had them and didn’t really interact. until I had one myself, I’m now obsessed with him and love other babies too.
You did what you could! Definitely let them be miserable in their own choices! You did the right thing- I’m sorry it ended so sour for you! However, take a deep breath and keep on living life! You’ll find yourself a great guy who is worth your time and energy!
This and any litterature there is worth a read, support forums. Good luck you two.
Then date an extrovert next time. You are acting more like he is your puppy/purse rather than your boyfriend.
And newsflash going out, drinking and partying are not “hobbies”. And clearly he doesn't enjoy it and only goes there because of you. You could benefit from being less of an entitled and spoiled child and realise that he is putting effort for you. ARE YOU???
It seems she already knows how you feel. I think it would be fair to ask her how you can help her to resolve the indecision shown in her poem, if anything can. Something is holding her back, so you shouldn't wait on her for too long.
I am 30 and I pass out at Friday nights in the middle.of game night with friends… I am part of the problem too.
To put it mildly, it's a dopey idea. If he wants to “sow his wild oats” then he shouldn't be in a relationship. No OP, it's a REALLY bad idea. Don't compromise your own happiness. He's being immature. If he truly wants this say “we could open the relationship. However in saying this, I get to have sex with other people too.” If he says no, then you could say, “there's your answer. Commit to me, or we go our separate ways.”
If his thinking is that he fears he's missing out on things, you can always try other stuff sexually. Ask if he has any fantasies. Do you have any that you haven't told him?
I know “above average” isn't the most romantic way to describe a relationship, but I was just trying to concisely say that we were doing pretty well just winging it. So I see the potential for an amazing relationship if we were both putting more conscious effort into it.
I mistakenly assumed that in such a long, committed relationship, if someone was having serious doubts there would be a period of “working on things” before just pulling the plug. We were contemplating signing a new year-long lease (her idea) a month before the breakup, so I didn't exactly get much warning.
I get where she's coming from too, but I also don't think the spark of something new can really be compared to the feelings in a 7 year relationship. She'd have to spend 7 years with the guy to see how well that spark holds up.
Initially I assumed that this must have been a well thought out decision, but the more we talk about it the more it seems somewhat ill-informed and irrational, which is why I'm finding it very hot to just accept and move on. I'm fully on board with giving her space. She's been the one reaching out to me more, so that just adds to the confusion.
I suppose my post can sound manipulative, but I'm not trying to be something I'm not. We prioritized different things in the relationship, and under-appreciated each other in certain ways. I think subtle shifts in communication and prioritization would go quite a long way.
Honestly, you don't need to think of “other” occurrences – large or small. THIS incident in and of itself is sufficient to end this relationship permanently. There is no 2nd chance with someone who is violent.
See an attorney (the initial consultation may be free of charge) to insure your legal rights are represented during this breakup. It appears you own a property together and I'm assuming you two online together. If you're unsure how to get out of this relationship, then call a Domestic Abuse Hotline. This IS abusive (breaking property, throwing food, locking you out); all of that is legally considered abusive behavior towards a SO.
I say break up and move on without her in your life.
As far as the trips, it may be best to not go on them, especially since you still love her and that'll be really difficult to deal with.
Best of luck OP
The downvoters: Well that's…. Fake! Because reasons!
A date night is about you and your partner, time set aside for you to focus on each other and spend time together. Both your expectations matter, you should both be doing what each person wants and if what you want vastly differs then take turns doing what each other like on rotation.
No. Just stop
I think you need to think really hot why are you doing this. If I was asked to do this, I would tell him no and if he doesn't like it, he wouldn't be my boyfriend anymore.
Where your parents controlling? Did you have privacy in your life? Why do you think the request of making videos and sending to him when you go out is a reasonable request? (It's not by the way) Have you ever thought about his request or did you just do it?
As of right now I wouldn't call him a friend
Don't marry someone who you don't know and who is closed off. Problems that are small during dating only get bigger when married.
Since you can't be bothered to Google details about this one line of knowledge that is stuck in your head, I'm gonna give you a tldr.
Oxytocin is released every time you kiss/get intimate as well during reproductive stages. It does not CAUSE bonding or attachment. It just makes you feel good in that moment when you're getting intimate which is also why it's called the love hormone. Every person has multiple experiences in their lives and the first is sometimes quite memorable. But it doesn't mean that their second, third, etc experiences will always be bad. Specially for sex, the first experience is usually the worst since you're pretty new and you only learn how to get on with things after that. So all your thoughts around oxytocin, bonding and all the shit you've written up there? It's not true and they are not facts.
This is the limit up to which I can be polite to an 19 year old who does not want to get the full info about things. Get therapy.
Are you suggesting that the organization Dr. Fauci used to run is hosting QAnon literature?
He is trying to have sex with his wife! If he is grooming “just in case” he wants it and doesn’t know how to talk to you. That is why he forgot to put the razor away. Go to the doctor and find out what you can do to either increase your libido or get a prescription lubricant. Unless you are in early menopause, you are too young to have dryness problems. He also needs to see the doctor about ED. There is no reason for two 40 year olds to stop having sex. Otherwise your marriage is doomed. Couples counseling might be needed, but your husband is giving you signals so notice them.
I cant see both points of view, if a girl didnt want to do oral with me that would be a problem too
You could always call your ex and see if what you bf said is true but if you do that your bf most likely gonna get pissed and say you miss your ex
He can pay support and walk away. He doesn't have to parent.
Everything you've suggested is fucking weird.
I have been in your shoes with an abusive ex and the exit plan is everything. first things first , if you have access to any money then put it away in a safe place, liquid money is better as there is no way to trace it so if you have a trusted friend or a hiding spot start putting away money. By the time I left my abusive spouse I had around 5k in liquid funds stashed away.
You also need to pay off as much debt as you can so when you leave you have a fresh start, cut any credit cards you don't need as you only need like 1 or 2 anyways. look into roomate situations, sharing a space for a short time will be cheaper and allow you to get back on your feet faster.
minimize your spending and maximize your savings, look for a better job if at all possible or some extra work like dog walking/sitting, cleaning, babysitting or any number of skills you can sell for extra cash.
contact a family lawyer, even if you are not married, even if you have not lived together long (your other post says you have been dating for 6 months) it is still good to know your rights and what your options are if he decides to make life difficult for you. (I had to threaten an ex with a lawsuit and police because he threatened to take my car away once and a threat from a lawyer did wonders to calm him the F down)
once you feel you have all your ducks in a row pull the trigger, move your stuff out slowly over a week while he is off to work and then disappear how ever you want. in the mean time you have to act as if nothing is wrong and you are just so happy to be there.
best of luck
Seriously, I want to know. Take my $ ?
If you can't be frank and.honest with your family, they aren't family.
If your parents would disown you for setting boundaries then they are pretty shitty people.
Siblings fight, it's pretty normal, I fight with mine every now and again, but we always patch things up, eventually after a cooling off period.
Just be honest with each other, and be mindful of each ithers communication style.
Everyone has different levels of stress they can handle and it honestly just sounds like a sibling blow up, help each other fix the issues where possible and just accept the others that can't be fixed.
Yeah, those are the reasonable answers. Op, you already cheated, you should at least tell your boyfriend all you've done and let him make the decision.
You said he is ok with casual flirting, but does he know you sext? Does he know you are going out on a date with a friend to flirt with him?
I’ve never heard this quote but it’s so true!!! Whenever I realized that people don’t give a shit about me my life became so much more simple and peaceful
Honestly, it could be great, but it could be the end of it. It's a big risk, and you both need to decide if it's a risk that you're willing to gamble your relationship on.
People go into 3somes with these grand ideas of fulfilling fantasies and getting closer and then it can take something as small as you making a noise or a facer with the other girl that you've never made with your girlfriend and boom – seed planted, foundation undermined, beginning of the end.
I've had 3somes and more in my time, but I'd never do it in a committed relationship, only ass fling fun. Too much at stake.
She cheats. Gives YOU ultimatum? What the freaking hell is wrong with YOU.
Send her shit to the streets!!
she believes she's not a good fit for me
At first read I thought your gf meant that SHE is not a good fit for you, and I thought, WOW, that's surprisingly perceptive!
Please ditch this piece of work.
Yeah that made me feel sick reading that. He already caused damaged, paused and purposely snapped another humans bone. That is fucking insane and terrifying. The fact that his father said “don't kill him”, implied he's done things like this and possibly worse before, and enjoys it.
OP doesn't make it sound like her parents have invited him to anything. If OPs accounting is accurate, then it's on the parents here. clearly
Your story makes no sense. Sure, a 29 year old looks 15 – a stretch, but ok. But people know you are married, she has a career, and you have a 5 year old daughter. I doubt the majority of people meeting or seeing you have decided you are a child abuser and have blacklisted you.
Something else is happening here.
Your partner and I sound a lot alike. I’ve spent soooo many hours sitting around wondering what’s wrong with me and have come up with nothing.
My childhood (teenage) friends would constantly do things without me, and completely ditched me once we got to college.
My “adult” friends did something similar that I wrote off as all of us getting older, getting married and moving on with life, then I found out they still hung out on the regular without me.
The person I even considered my “best” friend who I did hang out with more than others didn’t even want me as his best man. He wanted someone else that hadn’t really been around our friend group since high school, and I found out after the ceremony that the only reason he asked me is that his fiancée had called him crazy to not ask me and basically had to make him do it. I wasn’t in the original wedding plans at all.
Co-workers are friendly, but I see on socials that I’m very much an outsider to their regular get togethers.
Even my family has done it. My sister recently began breaking ties to distance herself from our parents and apparently I’m also included in that for reasons I can’t figure out, and I have extended family that I used to be VERY close too growing up that frequently come in to visit other family in my town, and despite regularly staying for multiple days in a house down the street have never set foot in my house.
One night when I realized all my “friends” were somewhere that night having a get together I broke down. I finally spoke to my wife about how I had felt for years now, and wondered how long before she did it too. I mentioned that no matter who it, is or what the scenario is…..if someone is given a choice between me and literally anything else I’m left behind……she’s the only one who’s ever chosen me.
I don’t really have advice other than don’t let others change how you think about him. If he’s good to you, and makes you happy that should be all that matters. There was a point in my life where my wife was the only thing between me and a gun in my mouth because I was so lonely, and couldn’t figure out why people hated me……or if not hated at least didn’t think about me at all.
The worst part is I don’t even know why. If people call I’m there. If people need help I try. I like being social. I like having friends. I’m not a homebody who waffles at plans. I don’t know. I’ve asked my wife if I’m somehow weird in social situations and she swears I’m not. I dunno. Maybe I’m just fucking annoying.
Also, it isn’t porn free at all. It’s only applying to you.
I'd be more scared of a cop too. If a criminal has something against you, you'd have the cops to help you. But who will help you when the cops are against you?
I'd tell only if I know for 100% certain it wouldn't land me in trouble, otherwise I would not risk my own peace and quiet (and potentially more) for that of someone else. Fuck that guy yes, but not at all costs.
It was never an open relationship, so yes we were exclusive once we started dating. I didn't care what she did before that, as the talking stage is free game imo.
Unfortunately, your coming at the wrong angle. She wanted the threesome, and she only wanted it with other women.
You can't expect someone to change behaviour they've been doing for 15 years. You've taught him that you're ok with being treated like that and you've built a relationship around that.
Now, you've realised it's not acceptable because it impacts your son. So your behaviour is changing.
That's ok, it's a shame it took so long but it's fine. It's time to take the next steps and start planning what you're going to do.
The issue is your husband, showed you who he was from the beginning and you accepted it. Now you want him to change, or think he has the capacity to change based on dreams, vibes and pixie dust.
He isn't going to change, atleast not for you. You set the precedent for how he treats you. In your relationship, he operates in the boundaries (or lack of) you set all those years ago. In future relationships, he'll operate in the boundaries the new partner sets for him.
Just remember that when you start dating again, you choose how someone treats you. That's through your behaviours and responses to how they behave towards you. You teach them how to treat you, once that's set in stone, it requires a lot of effort- and the desire to change for that person to change things.
No. You break up. A break leaves you in limbo.
You should just tell her you are breaking up with her and if she wants to try again, to contact you.
It’s similar but with clear expectations. You are both free.
He wants attention. Alot of gym dudes, thats y they do that.
Thats just more signs youre wasting your time and his.
Omg omg omg! Do not get into a car with this person ever again! He is unhinged and is literally trying to kill you! Why was he driving? It's your car! You need to stay away from him and his rage because somebody is going to get killed. Please seek help.
Yeah, it's only a small problem. Should be able to find a short solution.
You pick yourself. Fkn period!
If think if this is the same girl you’ve written about in Your past posts and comments then you are not overreacting and your emotional health would benefit from taking a break from this person.
The people for whom it's working don't need to ask for advice lol
She needs to be hospitalized.
Bump
Prenup over taking the name off the account for sure!
Oh God, I laughed just reading the title. Ok, my husband doing a strip tease for me would make me crack up, so im going to say don't be surprised or hurt if your wife laughs. She's going to be happy you went through the effort no matter what. It'll be a happy memory 40 years from now that will make her smile.
My husband does not work.
What does he do?
I have no idea how to stop it, short of blowing up my life.
Hmm.. I can understand the low libido. I myself have a very low libido but I think it’s 100% my birth control/antidepressants. Is she on birth control? That could be the problem as well. What about getting drunk? That seems to help me lol
Unfortunately I'm gonna have to echo what everyone else is saying here: the fact that she asked about it at all means they're no longer compatible. People don't just ask their long term partner if they can fuck other people without being very sure that that's what they want.
Her asking to open the relationship has effectively ended what their current relationship is. It's not ever going to be the same.
I read this post in hopes I got his age wrong.
Like, he's 17, got his first sexy time, is pressured by peers and so on…
Nope. Just nope.
This poor girl, “I can do better”. That'll break her heart.
This and the fact that he made a whole post to shit on her, her family and their looks.
I'd argue it would be her choice to end it. While the circumstances arose through no fault of her own, that's life and it's up to her to decide to pivot. Clearly he's still in, but he wants to shoulder the responsibility of his daughter, which is well within his rights.
He's making moves on other girls and lying to your face while making up illnesses. Plus he only will see you at his gym? You can do better.
“Hey baby you want to come on a hike with me this weekend?”
Or
“Hey there's a gym near us that does fun classes, I thought we could sign up and work out together”
This is a long shot, but would her employer be willing to pay for some of the degree? Possibly in return for a work commitment. Has she looked into jobs with a college or university? One of the perks at most institutions is to cover the costs of classes taken.
You're so young. Learn from this, get therapy if you can, surround yourself with positive people who help you see your self worth and do the hot thing now for a happier future. He will never respect you and this will only get worse. I can't imagine being violated like that and then verbally abused by saying the sex was bad. People who cheat accuse their partners of cheating. Also, when (it's not if it's a when) he does cheat he is going to blame you for not putting out. You don't need any of that drama and possible STDs.
This sounds like the plot to a bad syfy original show. If you’re going to make up a story at least don’t make it cliche.
Thank you for the reply and the links, I will check them out tonight after work! Glad you were able to get yourself out of that situation successfully & are doing well. I’ve levelled up in several areas, including my self esteem since I cut them off. I have never come across a person like this before (that I know of, at least) & it wasn’t until she demanded I text her goodnight and good morning, she said “I don’t like you reading, you don’t text me enough”, demanded I buy her Christmas gifts and get angry with me because I went to lunch with an elderly friend when she wasn’t able to hang out that I realized something was off. Once I realized something was off & questioning and talking to her about what was going on things just got worse.. and worse… I am glad I will be able to put this all behind me, move on and learn to spot red flags in the future to be able to remove myself before it gets to this point.
Thank you again 🙂
yup! spot on! so disrespectful
Stop playing games like hiding your parents' illness, avoiding her at work, and drunk texting. Go back to that therapist and learn how to communicate.
I'm not.
Because you know what I mean.
It's the fake intellectualism for me.
You really need to be educated on chid rearing. “Respect her parentts” she’s two for god sake.
You’ll tramatise this poor child with your ignorance. Good she has an aunt to watch over her. Poor child
Ah dude I thought I was losing my mind
bro chill that’s not even the point i was making lmao
Oh I do love these bullshit new-age sound grabs spoken as if they mean something.
Handy hint, it's complete and utter bullshit and the world is full of people who tried this “being authentic” crap and are now eating canned beans whilst living in a tent in a nameless homeless village.
If you wish to blow up your life, your husbands life and your kids life whilst you look for your “authentic self”, then by all means do so. Expect no one to come to your aide when your world falls apart and everyone disowns you.
Lmaoooo
It’s his own fault for assuming she’s had sex in the past. All he needs to know is that she’s not ready, end of story. And no I won’t be entertaining your bullshit whataboutism.
Why are you even wasting your time with someone who is willing to treat your heart and trust like they are trivial? You are worth so much more than this. This person is not serious about you or your future, all you’re doing by staying with him is introducing more future pain. What are you going to do…get pregnant? But a house together? The more time that passes, the more binding ties. Sever this mother fucker from your life. Get him out.
One of my favorite songs is Rodney Atkins If You're Going Through Hell.
I'm sorry to word it that way but grow a freaking pair and kick her out. Ask friends to come over and act as witnesses, and throw her shit outside. Change the locks. Contact an attorney, serve her an eviction notice.
Get her out of YOUR place. Dont sleep on the couch, dont go nowhere. Its your house, and shes out.
Holy crap isn't that risk-your-job unethical?
Yeah, you did the right thing by just saying how it makes you feel, and offering a compromise. She was quick to turn it around on you instead of having a mature discussion about it. Similar to how you describe her reaction to cheating. So it seems she's still very much who she was before.
Think of it as an incompatibility issue. You can both move on to find partners who better fit your individual needs.
Thank you responding! Easier said than done. Truth is i really love who she is as a person, whats missing in this (trying to not be bias due to her past mistakes) is some understanding and compromise.
Have you had any meta-conversations about how to most productively raise issues with him? I get where he's coming from in getting to feel things, but I tend to think of it as a death knell for relationships when someone says they avoid trying to raise/solve problems because of their partner's reaction. It's just not sustainable to bottle things up.
I think the suggestion for couples therapy is a good one but I'd add individual therapy, if that's an option.
Some more immediate/cheaper solutions: would he take criticism better or worse if you wrote it down and he could process it solo before talking with you? Would it be valuable to set a 5 min alarm and take a break when he gets upset? Why does he feel angry when you ask him to be accountable? Have you tried the “compliment sandwich” technique? (Normally I wouldn't suggest that you should coddle your partner, but you say that you see the effort he's making so it sounds like some genuine compliments wouldn't be far off.)
This is a “do as I say, not as I do” thing because I'm garbage at journalling, but I've heard really interesting things about gratitude journally. A psychiatrist told me that it can rewire your brain to see the good more. If you did that together it might increase his resiliency as an individual and yours as a couple.
If you can guide him? Well you can't when he is an adult and doesn't want you to.
It involving your family is just one of a about 8,000 reasons against incest.
You are the one being selfish by trying to control two grown adults.
You come across as very combative and defensive even in the comments to complete strangers. If your son cuts contact with you, I hope you'll one day realize the part you played instead of putting all the blame on his wife so you can keep pretending you're wiThIn yOuR RiGhTs to be nosey and overbearing.
I feel like this is what I need to say, but also, part of me believes what she says to me. It makes it hot to make a definitive decision on what to do. And when we make up after one of these arguments things are really great and I forget all about the problems.
I'm sorry if this sounds like I'm rambling, just trying to parse out my thoughts.
Many, many red flags and it sounds like he hasn't had much opportunity…yet. Move to a more populated area, you can see “I tried not to but I was weak :(. You forgive me, right?” coming up fast.
poor guy. i love hearing my gf talk about things i don’t really understand because it makes me happy to see her passionate about something. likewise for me it feels nice to be listened to, even if it’s not something she understands.
Is there anything positive in your relationship with them? Confronting parents about childhood abuse rarely end up with anyone getting any sort of closure because the parents become defensive and gaslighty. If this was his initial reaction he clearly doesn’t acknowledge or want to admit that he was a bad father, and no amount of proof will convince him otherwise. You won’t have an honest relationship with him so long as this is his stance, so if you really value that it may be best to just walk away. Personally I don’t see much value in maintaining contact with them. He gets physical, tries to intimidate you and values his new family over you. Unless there’s a massive inheritance coming your way I don’t see what value he could add to your life at this point. He’s likely not someone you want to introduce to your spouse, he’s definitely not someone who you want around your kids and if he’s having serious health problems he’s more likely to expect help from you financially or otherwise to navigate that situation.
I thought about what you said. Why do you think it's responding is a bad idea? thanks
I'll have to try this for her country. She desperately needs to go to the hospital and stay there until she's safe again. Thank you
Here's a literal factual observation, your boyfriend is a dick. Tell him if he ever wants to see your body hot again to stop giving his opinion on it.
We got married because of our baby. We’ve always discussed having children and he was even happier than I was when we found out about the pregnancy.
Just cut her out of yours and your kids' lives. My 1/2 brothers are my kids ages, my mom wanted to be called mom mom, because she is “too young” to be a grandparent. She has yet to meet my 2 youngest grandkids and doesn't understand why I stopped catering to her needs. Longer story, but she stops taking her meds and gets admitted to the hospital every year to get her blood pressure back under control and expects everyone to drop everything and come running with gifts and flowers, while she is in the hospital.
Just cut her out of yours and your kids' lives. My 1/2 brothers are my kids ages, my mom wanted to be called mom mom, because she is “too young” to be a grandparent. She has yet to meet my 2 youngest grandkids and doesn't understand why I stopped catering to her needs. Longer story, but she stops taking her meds and gets admitted to the hospital every year to get her blood pressure back under control and expects everyone to drop everything and come running with gifts and flowers, while she is in the hospital.
Thank you very much. My opinions and worldview have been carefully curated over decades of life-experience. It's pretty well-developed and based on real-world knowledge of people, relationships,and social interaction. I don't need someone sitting across a table from me, with less than half of the life experience I have, telling me how the world is supposed to operate.
It just kept getting worse.
First I thought she felt he was being inappropriate because she had gotten pregnant and he couldn't keep his hands to himself.
Then I read that she had a miscarriages less than 2 weeks ago and got upset thinking he was pushing for sex while she was still recovering mentally and physically.
But no it got worse. She's not only recovering from a miscarriage, which must have left her completely heartbroken, she also had surgery leaving her in extreme physical pain as well.
He should be worried sick about her and doing everything in his power to support her but there he is giving her the silent treatment because she isn't happily gobbling on his dick.
I just can't with this guy.
This is what I was thinking. I think he might be catching (if not fully caught) feelings and is upset they (may) be unrequited…? I guess that’s up to OP to explore further
He didn’t “self-sabotage” he deliberately started seeing this other girl behind your back. I’d even question the 2 week time frame tbh. For all you know he’s been seeing you both all the time.
Sadly, he has now proved that he can’t be trusted and that he’s a liar in important aspects of his life.
He’s only interested in his own pleasure and will say whatever he thinks you want to hear to keep you hanging around until he’s ready to leave.
He knew if he’d told you he wasn’t exclusive in the beginning he’d have lost you and he wanted to keep having sex with you.
This would be a strong “no” from me and I’d be moving on now rather than letting it drag on until he moves away.
Advice? Don’t date if they tell you there’s a time limit on how long they are available. If they are defo moving, you won’t change their mind.
Unless you have evidence the kids being abused there is nothing CPS will do.
The only thing you have control over is what you do.
If your in-laws kick them out or die, are you and your wife on the same page regarding what you will and won’t do for your niblings?
What would your wife want to do if the kids were taken away by CPS?
What do you need from this relationship? Does being around your in-laws stress you out too much?
Communicate those needs with your wife. No ultimatums, no pushing your way onto her.
Just a clear statement of your boundaries. You don’t want to (give money, house them, be responsible for the kids, etc). If your wife disagrees, then you two need to discuss and figure out if it’s a breaking point for you.
But you can’t stop a couple from having kids when you think they shouldn’t.
You're all sorts of Crazy.
You're a cheater, you're talking to a guy who you never emt and he is in Love with you? LOL
BAHAHAHA
Grow the hell up, break up with your boyfriend, he deserves a lot better than you.
I agree it was a mistake and one I will probably never forgive myself for. If I had known the full extent of his mental health issues I would have never even thought about it, yet alone asked to open our relationship. I genuinely feel awful about it and wish I could take it all back but I can’t.
My husband of 41 years was 6 years older than me. We were very happy. He passed away 4 years ago.
Honestly brother she just sounds stupid. Obsessed with a man from 20 years ago who didn’t give her the validation she wanted and can’t let it go. Pathetic. You shouldn’t have read the diary, but she should try better to be better.
Well, be aware that your framing makes you a yellow flag as well I guess. Only letting her dress up if you are there to watch over her doesn't show a lot of trust and etc.
But yes, these sorts of incompatibilities are not easy go get over. As it stands you've already pushed her into dressing down and I think on top of not wanting to control her you should reflect if that is really the kind of guy you want to be as well.
Absolutely, just wanted to communicate because it seems like you are in a worrisome position.
Regardless, any input here is just internet people providing their perspective without the whole picture.
Only you know what is best for you.
Cheers and best of luck!
True lol.