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Sonja_2001, 21 y.o.
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Date: September 28, 2022
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The thing to understand OP is that you are hearing this from her. The excuses she gives you about the working etc and your understanding of her situation are all based on her word.
And remember, this is from someone whose word you now distrust.
I think the original commenters “demand better of yourself” is couched in these terms. You are accepting of her explanations of what went on when you were in hospital however now that you can look at it with fresh eyes, is that really what happened with her?
Could it be that she was all along lying about the extra work and the OT? A simple check of her payslips during that period will show whether she did work or not.
I suspect that you will find a distinct lack of OT payments whilst you were in hospital.
Looks like you're going to have a school of children…..
it sounds like she's having some sort of midlife crisis.
whatever you do don't give in and have a baby, you don't want to be a parent and at your ages things are getting risky. but mostly because you don't want to be a parent. kids, they know these things and it harms them.
have a good night, OP. I wish you all the best.
Tell him good riddance! Block delete and ghost
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Absolutely, but those members of the tribe should be people who want to participate, not have the role forced on them. And if the daughter wants a tribe, why is she living in a little nuclear family situation where she and her husband are the only adults? There are so many intentional communities these days full of children where everyone helps in the parenting. They could do that. Not force it on someone who doesn’t want to be a part of it.
if there’s anything I left out you’d like to know I’m willing to answer
Cos…I felt like he treated me well by helping me out when I needed help without me asking, we both have good chemistry and like the same stuff and I felt bad that I did not text him often when I was busy..
There's a reason he's not dating anyone his own age. I don't think you should be with him
She's been with him for a year. I doubt she'll regret leaving her neglectful husband but I doubt the cheating will turn out great.
He is like 30. I can tell he is not a good man. A hypocrite. You stay with him and find out how he will treat you in years to come.
Any man who talks about how someone has “disrespected him” is going to be a problem. Anyone who wants to separate you from your friends is a problem. Anyone who goes through your phone without cause is a problem.
For your own safety, break up with him now because it is only going to get worse.
Maybe she was lying about the std or maybe she wasn't. Same logic could be applied to the other stuff.
And that makes it better how ????
If only things worked this way. They don’t. Reporting him won’t do anything to protect other women from the boss. At best, he’ll get a slap on the wrist that does nothing to stop him from doing the same thing to someone else. It’s more likely that the company will protect and defend him, including by attacking OP’s character and motives.
Even if she proves that he sexually harassed her and he gets a slap on the wrist, OP will face the greater consequences for reporting it. She’ll be painted as a liar and a troublemaker, retaliated against, and blacklisted.
Ive got 2 Kids under 4 and My wife chewed me out because I told her I was going on a 3 (2 nights) day cottage trip 2 hours away with a group of guys for his bachelor party (Just dudes chilling and drinking) and gave her 6 months heads up.
2 WEEKS? Id be a dead man
I feel like there had to be signs that he was a misogynist before year 8, but if that the case it’s fucked up. Someone hiding their shitty world view until after having a kid with someone is psychopath level shit. Also, you have an associates degree from an Ivy League school?
Please learn something about contraception. Don't rely on your partners, even if they have some medical knowledge. Visit a family planning center for education.
Also – abortion should not be your backup for failed contraception.
First, when someone offers you a house for below-market costs, take it. Second, this sounds like you have a boyfriend who wants to make bad financial decisions for sentimental reasons, and I would take that really seriously as a possible risk for your future life together. It's OK to have dreams, but you also need to be able to have real conversations that involve looking at the numbers and recognizing tradeoffs. If he's really resistant to that, I'd take it as a moment to think seriously about whether he shows other flags on financial judgment.
Block him
He said I look good in front of her. All my friends keep looking at her when she's around
I feel like she's free riding my “success” , I was the one that made the sacrifices but now she gets to reap the benefits without having had to “work” for it
How so? Simply because you're paying for everything? Can you elaborate?
If we did meet when we were younger, she probably wouldn't care about me.
Why does this matter? You are not the same person you were. She is not the same person she was. Maybe in some ways, but people grow and change. And that should have absolutely no bearing on the present. Like, you can't blame her for a maybe possibility that never was. You can't blame her for the past actions she didn't actually commit.
I have to make concessions/adjust when it comes to things like restaurants, hotels, holidays… (although I worked super very hot to be able to do those things the way I like them)
Well yeah. If you guys are splitting the bill, and she makes significantly less, splurging on something is much harder for her than it is you. You can absolutely enjoy those things, on your own or by offering to pay. Or even paying proportionally instead of splitting evenly.
Honestly it sounds more like you think you're better than her, and are judging her for not having the same experiences as you.
Your TLDR doesn't even match what you wrote in the post to begin with. You sit there and say you think she was a mean duck but gave absolutely nothing to back it up beyond the vague point two, and have told us nothing about the behavior.
If anything, you're right. She doesn't deserve you, because she deserves someone who thinks more of her than you do.
As I mentioned she showed interest in me first, it's not as easy as flipping a switch now.
He wants to have those pictures because they’ve been friends his whole life and people like to have tributes/symbols/mementos of their friendships. They’re not nudes or anything of the sort. You are being irrational here.
I know what he meant. I still find such statements repulsive. You can have whatever boundaries you want when dating, but people are not less worthy of romance because of their sexual histories.
Therapy. That is what therapy is for.
See that is the thing. It took me losing everything. I didnt really have a chance to fix it.
I would say, you can try the “I” statements.
ie: “I feel like you have been falling into a slump and are not trying to come out of it. And I want to be with you, but I dont know how that will look moving forward the way things are right now. I really want to help you get back into the game but you need to tell me how to help you do that. Ignoring the problem and leaving things the way they are is not an option.”
Basically without saying directly that he is losing you, you are hinting that you are seeing uncertainty. Avoid getting sucked into a fight if he gets defensive, in that event you just stand your ground and say you are not looking for a fight but something has to change, and if he is willing to push then you are willing to stick by him.
Thats one way. The other is to become someone he doesnt expect you to be. If he isnt looking for a job, then he needs to be doing stuff around the house and pulling his weight some how. And be forceful about it.
Final note though: I am not an expert, just a person who has been through experiences. You really should not take my advice if you are smart lol. The *best* option may be for you to start going to a therapist or even couples counselling and talk to someone who is trained on this stuff.
Lots of red flags.. you admit that. 100% I'd consider it stalking, you told him that is where you were and he came to see if you were telling the truth.
Cut him off, explain to mutuals and families the situation and change gyms.
I'm female but nothing about what you've said is a normal relationship, especially from a 30 year old man. The other thing that comes to mind is that yes he is controlling but also somewhat guilt on his behalf if he's cheating on you and reflecting that. But it also sounds like he isn't boyfriend/partner yet for this to be an issue.
What kind of weird person does that shit honestly he is not owe you any explanation if somebody doesn’t wanna date you that’s it