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  1. That’s obnoxious… cops don’t know shit about the law, and I’m assuming most ppl are asking for help in civil matters rather than admitting to crimes.

  2. All right, good luck with your insecurities. I hope you can somehow figure out a less painful way to relate to your partner.

  3. So, after knowing this:

    he does laundry at a mother like figures house. He also has 2 non binary children around age 11 whose clothes it could of been. He also thought it might be the mother figures undies.

    You're still doing all of this:

    In 2 weeks he will be leaving his job (he loves) to come here. I also asked to look through his phone.

    He downloaded the life 360 app for me so I can check on him.

    ???

    You're insecure, and destroying this relationship.

    Maybe think twice how you're reacting here, because it's way over the top.

  4. Yes. I had the woman who my ex tried to cheat on whilst he was with me tell me. I appreciated it SO much. Please tell her so she knows what fake relationship she has.

  5. I would love to do those things, however, she says she feels guilty that I drive an hour to see to her so when I am there with her she feels like she needs to give me her full attention and cannot get the work she needs done.

    So I don’t even know how possibly I could see her on weekdays

  6. I would say the exact opposite, that liking her and caring for her a lot is definitely conducive to a healthy relationship. It really depends on how much you’re willing to invest and whether or not what you get from her is enough for you. It’s easy to see the person we want to see instead of the person they actually are.

    I’m glad my comment helped give an alternate perspective. That’s pretty much all I ever aim to do.

    A red flag to you, might be a green flag to someone else. When it comes to relationships it’s more about whether or not you two are a good fit and even if you’re not the best fit, are you both willing to continually meet eachother half way to make it work?

    Try not to have any illusions of who she is. I know that part is difficult when you like her alot and care for her.

  7. Yeah time to leave. If she was getting her mom to lie who know how far she will really take it best to cut your losses

  8. If this is a real post (doubtful) I am 100% certain that your husband does not have an objection to women farting. He has a fetish involving butt plugs and the idea of your farts being held inside. He’s getting off on it.

    No shade on mutually agreed upon and negotiated kinks. Secretive motives and dishonesty? Creepy and abuse.

  9. You think a young man pouring out his feelings is the bare minimum, when men have been taught to hold everything in and never look vulnerable? This can actually be a pretty overwhelming thing to do for a young man who is still emotionally immature ( by nature, not by choice.)

  10. Hello /u/Irxgon13,

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  11. Hello /u/Vegetable_School_758,

    Your post was removed for the following reason(s):

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  12. I’m reading all the ways YOU did what you could to make a special day for his kids, what about him? It doesn’t sound like he made any effort whatsoever.

    Honestly? You should get a divorce, he sounds like an awful person and you deserve someone who actually respects and appreciates you. Not making cookies isn’t what keeps his kids away, there’s nothing preventing him from making them.

  13. In addition to this, don't let the friend try to gaslight you into thinking there's no reason to be mad.

    He knew well enough to keep it from you up until now – he knew what he was doing and how it would make you feel.

  14. Has anyone said anything to you over the years, but you ignored them because you didn’t want it to be true? I can’t imagine that you on-line in a bubble…other people must’ve said something at some point.

    I know it’s easier said than done, but you need to work on loving yourself instead of chasing the love of someone who can’t/won’t give it to you. Don’t look for someone else until you love yourself. If you don’t, you’ll keep repeating unhealthy relationships and you’ll never have the happiest you deserve.

    You deserve to give your own happiness a chance. Good luck.

  15. Hello /u/readlover12,

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  16. The only advice I can offer is to say that allowing fear of the unknown to keep you from making a healthy and positive change is most commonly the biggest regret we humans have.

    The longer you allow being scared to influence your decisions, the more time you will realize was wasted when you look back.

    Best of luck to you

  17. Love, you need therapy. It would be better being alone than being with such a selfish guy. He doesnt respect you at all. You are still so young. Please stay with family/friend and start therapy. From there you can get a consultation with a divorce attorney and see your options. Come on love. You can do it. You deserve to be with someone who respects you, and wants you to be comfortable. Thats the bare minimum of a relationship. Anything lower than that is abuse.

  18. It didn't start out like this. We started off nearly 100% compatible in all regards, unfortunately this all started within the last year – 18 months. A lot of people have brought this up & I wrote this in a hurry so apologies for confusing wording – I'm not giving into things I'm not comfortable with, which is part of what's made our sex life so dry currently, but thanks for the concern! We all have struggles and maladaptive coping strategies. He's helped me through plenty of my own, a couple of which were more severe to be completely honest. We grow together with compassion and forgiveness as well as accountability. Honestly if we hadn't been through a boat load with each other before I wouldn't be at all sure that we could handle this now, but yeah that's part of what makes us feel like we're “the one”s

  19. I agree in a sense, but people also make bad decisions when they're in pain. He might think he wants it, but doesn't.

  20. she literally told someone else that you guys were over.

    thats the biggest sign of disrespect.

    you want to go forward with that?

  21. Alright, well it's not a competition here. For these type of situations, you're not trying to win them.

    If this is the first time you have ever experienced this type of comment in 7 years, this is what you should do:

    Hey, I am sorry for being upset. I don't like being disconnected from you. I love you. This clearly was a misunderstanding on both our sides. I know it might not seem like a big deal to you, but it was a big deal to me. Comments like that hurt me, I don't like it when you take it too far. So, for next time, please be more aware of what you say. At the end of the day, I just want us to be happy together, I don't like how we are acting towards each-other right now. I am here apologizing to you to make things better, I expect the same in return.

    Sometimes these situations like this aren't worth it. A compilation of them, sure, not good. But a one-off misunderstanding. Talk about it, speak your peace, let him know your side, relay an expectation to do better next time, forgive and move past this.

  22. You are being responsible and accountable and making the best of a bad situation. I can't imagine a parent could ask for more from their kid and I'm sorry this is the reaction you're getting at home.

  23. Leave her alone. This is something I do sometimes when I'm unsure about what exactly I want to do about said relationship with someone. Sometimes it takes awhile to decide whether you want to allow someone to still be in your life in whatever capacity. But do NOT blow her up. That will literally make everything worse. Just let her be and leave it up to her where it goes from here.

  24. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.

    Hello,

    A little about me, I recently discovered I suffer from Psychosis, along with ADHD, OCD, Bi-Polar, Extreme Anxiety and Major Depression. I'm getting medicated and seeking help, every day is a living struggle but I'm pretending there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

    About 3 months ago, I left my wife. I was dissasociative, disrealized, and genuinely thought I had become a different person. I started blaming her for so many reasons, and convinced myself I couldn't be with her (she's the only person I've ever been with) and that I need to explore and meet new people. What I didn't know was that I was going through a major Psychotic break and was hospitalized due to past trauma, and I kept telling her all of these things; I can't be with you anymore, I love you like a sister. I needed a clean break for my own personal psyche, I couldn't emotionally support another person so I convinced myself she was awful. She was great, she genuinely loved me and loved spending time with me, even if the relationship wasn't the healthiest (didn't have any like hobbies, often stayed in, etc) I felt as though I'm young and need more than this. I'm not trying to use my mental disabilities as an excuse, but god damn if they didn't exacerbate things like hell. I was convinced I was only with her to 'save' her and that I've done my part and need to move on.

    I 'woke up' a week ago, and am hit in the face with grief and loss. She's moved on, she needed a rebound and has a new boyfriend, she doesn't want to communicate with me (understandable, I really was an asshole). But there is this massive hole in my heart, and my anxiety is through the roof like nobodies business. I am so angry at, myself but someone else, I am mad at the person who took over my body and ruined my relationship. She tried to push councelling, but I felt I needed to have a clean break so she wouldn't hold on. She did for a bit, but after hearing 'move on' so many times, what was she supposed to do? I don't blame her at all. I AM INCREDIBLY jealous that she's sleeping with someone new and I can't get visions of her and her new 'boyfriend' in bed together. It is such a massive pain and all I can think about to the point it's affecting me at work. I feel as though my life was stolen from me, and while I know I did it, I don't feel like I did.

    Does anybody have experience with this? I still have to see her semi-regularly (no kids) and it pains me to see her so happy without me. I feel like a shell of myself, looking at my old life from a dusty window.

    I know this is all of my fault, and it doesn't help that I haven't been able to find anyone else to relate with in a romantic sense, my own rebound of sort. I guess I'm just uninteresting, but after being with someone every day for 7 years, the loneliness is soul crushing.

    Editv thanks everyone for the comments, both good and bad. I'm actively seeking help, and my family is as supportive as can be. I'm going to find a therapist that I can see weekly instead of monthly, and I've restarted my Geodon, Vyvanse and Zoloft prescriptions. I hate the way the meds make me feel in the beginning, but I'm holding onto hope that in a few weeks I can start to feel a bit better.

  25. asked u to leave because she is seeing someone now

    That's not what that say's. That tells you she knows she is doing something wrong and I wouldn't waste my time with someone like that.

  26. I'm 36. I would fucking never. I wouldn't really go below 30, maybe 27 if they were really mature. But they usually aren't. Move on and enjoy your young years.

  27. Your husband's mental health issues are HIS responsibility. This is disgusting behavior for someone who is logistically able bodied. If you can, stop sleeping in the room. Let him deal with the consequences of the action. I would also tell him that this deal breaker worthy, so he needs to address his issues or you will address yours. If he needs to do intensive inpatient, then fine, but it needs to be dealt with ASAP. If he has a therapist or psychologist, I would contact them.

  28. A person who loves animals doesn't poison an animal for revenge or to 'teach someone a lesson'.

    Thats psychopathic.

  29. Ok I've taken plan B twice out of paranoia mostly, switching bc and taking antibiotics.

    You DO NOT USE THAT SHIT FOR CRAMPS. Every woman is aware of this. In fact it can throw off your cycle and make cramps worse because of the nature of the fucking pill. She's either really fucking stupid or she cheated and was concerned she'd get pregnant and thinks you're stupid.

  30. Unfortunately this was my gut feeling:/. I’m going to confront her about it, not that she would always admit it.

  31. Honestly, you need to ask yourself are you in love with him? Doyou see a future with this person? Could you see yourself marrying him? Do you have children,? want children? How long will he potentially be in prison? And can you see any potential conflicts for your future with being married to someone with a criminal history?

    For me, if my husband ended up committing a crime and ended up in prison (unless the crime was against a child or something like that), I'd stay with him. I'm in love with him. Im assuming it would be a one off thing. With that said, if he was consistently committing crimes, he wouldn't be the man I married so I might not feel the same way. I have always known the lifestyle I want to on-line and I would never be okay with a man who is always getting into trouble, so that is something to think about as well. It wouldn't be worth the trouble for me.

    Sorry, I know my answer is all over the place but it's hot to give a clear answer without fully knowing his situation.

  32. Thank you for your message!

    In terms of sloppiness, she leaves all her belongings out, and anything she uses, she never puts back.

    I also forgot to mention that I wake up early to drive her to and from the tube station each morning and evening to help her commute.

    With the cats, I find it’s a couple of things, so for like their poop, currently the poor things been having issues where they have messy bums after that require some cleaning, and then since we on-line in a smallish flat, I have to spend time airing the room out. But there’s also stuff like having to watch them frequently since they jump on to many things they shouldn’t etc or doing things they shouldn’t. I think it boils down to me feeling some fatigue and wanting to ease off on the weekends since I feel overwhelmed on the weekdays trying to balance it with work.

  33. I think he has been spending most of the last decade trying to make her into the partner that he wants for his future. That's just not who she is.

  34. > brought up the topic of maybe pole dancing in a club to earn extra money.

    She's going to work as a stripper, and the way this is described is a huge red flag. But she only described it that way because she knows your reaction. Either way here is what you should know:

    Unlike other sex workers, it is extremely common for strippers to RELY on omission. Just like how she omitted that she is going to be grinding on random men's laps specifically to get them hot to book her to do it again.

    I've dated a lot of strippers and don't have same reservations as you, or even theoretical reservations most people have. But clear boundaries are important. Baby strippers do not have clear boundaries and it is impossible for them to get them until they try it. It is a catch-22 because she has to violate your boundaries to discover her own boundaries.

  35. If y’all live! in/near Georgia – I’m another female that is introverted and an energetic puppy! Maybe she’d like to chat?

    If she likes animals, I’ve got that covered as well! Horses, dogs, cats, chickens, a sun conure, and even a miniature cow!

    If she doesn’t, we can be internet friends or meet elsewhere.

  36. I understand combining finances when engaged but dating???? No way, it's too easy to lose your money. One bad fight or disagreement and your broke

  37. Trust the past you that made the decision to leave. It’s okay to have cherished memories of the past and even to look wistfully or fondly or painfully back upon them and remember the person she used to be, and how you used to be as a couple. Those things happened and shaped who you are today. But just loving someone is not enough to save them. Please don’t go back and burn yourself out trying.

  38. My granny used to say 'The guilty flee where no man pursueth' – projection, in other words. I think you're right to be suspicious and I think you should re-evaluate this relationship.

    Is there equal respect, equal love and trust? If not ….

  39. Your fiancée cheats on you on the regular and you have to come to terms with that. She has cheated in the past without consequence and there is little chance in hell she is not currently cheating. This is who she is. That said, have you arrived at the idea that your 2 year old may not be yours? The timing is kind of suspicious, not to mention the fact that even though you got back together she was and is probably still cheating. For all that his holy do not marry this person unless you are 100% positive she is reformed and will not cheat anymore. In the meantime you should probably get a paternity test for your baby and an STD panel for yourself.

  40. I am not a woman. I cannot imagine getting so hot in a professional setting that I cannot stop myself. If it was that intense, he should have been courteous and stopped long before it got to that point. It’s not an instantaneous reaction.

  41. Whg are you accepting this as what you deserve?

    How does this relationship benefit you? How does he lift you up?

  42. The reason they disagree with you is because they likely drove drunk in the past and since nothing bad happened it is totally fine !

    I would have done the same thing. Both my grandparents have been in car accidents with drunk drivers and one of them was killed.

  43. Recently I caught him with random girls porn on his phone, we talked, I told him it made me really insecure and he said he would stop. Then maybe a month ago I found out he was still using porn every once in a while, and so I confronted him. He obviously felt bad but said he hadn’t ever promised to stop using porn and that was basically the end of the convo

  44. Oh I know. Good god do I know. Now anyway. Every night she is coming back. Like fuck I AM a moron. She's on my couch passed out right now. Came up with her friend and needed a torch for her friends dab rig. I let them in. Now she's passed out on my couch. Ya know, after telling me she really likes me etc etc. Her friend and I just shrugged our shoulders and said bye.

    All I want is to find someone sane and loyal but lately this seems to be the women that come into my life. Except this one basically moved in and made me love her. Kill me

  45. Where do you live!? I'm a dumb German, here, going to yearly check-ups is covered by healthcare because the alternative (getting ill) costs more.

    Also wow, leaving out the most important information… Yeah, if you on-line with the mother, then good luck. Even some people who enjoy having a lot of sex would never have sex when a parent is in the house. A woman who has religious trauma, family trauma and then has to online with her mom? Yeah, good luck. Your wife needs to get away from her mom, get into therapy and maybe then you can revisit the topic of sex. But I doubt that anything will happen as long as you online with the mother.

  46. Well, I googled it and the risk for cis women is teo percent higher… though inconclusive given that studies did not account for who was using enough lube and foreplay.

    So, the article you copy pasted this from may as well have been written by a 15 year old with poor research skills.

    The physical risks present were equal between cis women and men with the exception that cis women may not do as much prep.

    So, maybe google harder.

  47. hes broken up with me and tried to push me away a number of times

    You said “a number of times.” In only a year and a half that's a lot! That is a horrible thing to do.

    Depression is an explanation but not an excuse. You still have to treat people well, and there are negative consequences when you don't.

    Hate to break it to you but depression is not just something you catch for a few days like a cold. He is depressed. Period. He has depression. Period. And what is he doing to get better? Therapy?? Nothing but wallowing and self medicating with substances. That is not someone you want to date long-term.

    Have some respect for yourself, please.

  48. You seem to think that somehow you need to do the work of figuring out how to trust her again. I would disagree with that.

    At some level I think you know what you need from her in order to trust her again. Dig deep, figure out what that is, and then tell her what you need and expect from her.

    I don't know what that is, but I can tell what it would be for me if I was in your shoes. It would be that the housemate goes away and you both have zero contact with him going forward. And she would have to be able to demonstrate conclusively that she's not going behind your back to maintain contact with him – or with anyone else. The relationship would be closed, period.

    That's assuming, however that (if I were in your shoes) I'd want to try to fix the relationship. Truth be told, I would not. I would cut my losses and move on.

  49. thank you for this. honestly, all these reasons are the ones why I even felt comfortable becoming exclusive. i think i can handle that. idk if i can handle the moral judgements I'll get bc he is 9 years older than me. I think my bff is going to be the most judgey. when I told her he liked me she said “why doesn't he like someone his own age?” and made it clear she felt a certain way about it. she's also seen me leave a very toxic relationship that stripped me off who I was and know she doesn't want to see me there again but she's also lowkey in love w me and I think that may taint her ability to see the good in it, even if it's unconventional.

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