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Room for live sex video chat Sweet_seductionz
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Date: April 12, 2023
Whether you want to admit it, whether she wants to admit it, it’s simple. If she is at a stage that she wants to still be exploring her sexuality then she’s not ready for a monogamous relationship. End of. She should go off and explore her sexuality, but she should do it as a single woman.
Now if you want to turn the relationship into an fwb type of an arrangement where she gets to go out and fuck other girls with the possibility of you getting some threesome action, then fine. But if you consider yourself to be monogamous then there is no “opening things up once”.
Hahaha ? thanks for sharing this info. How crazy.
RIGHT? ISTG Charles
$300 was his “savings”? Honey, cut the dead weight and save yourself $300 and all this emotional pain, get rid of him.
“Oh boo hoo, I did something stupid and now I need you to pay for it and baby me the whole time”
Not once has he shown that he cares about you and your welfare, just all about his mistake and what it cost him
I think you have bigger problems than the fact that your wife has cheated on you with a fictional character, like the fact that your wife has brain worms and thinks she can be in a relationship with a fictional character. Divorce her. Hit the gym. Delete facebook. Build a dating website profile and then find somebody who isn't a complete and total fucking idiot.
If ud rather read posts about negetive sex lifes go ahead, I’m here to find the loving and sexual realationships so look elsewhere
P.s good for me is right ???
Go anyway.
We definitely have go on more walks lately but she hasn’t always been so enthusiastic about it. I’m hoping it mostly had to do with the bad weather and the baby still being young.
On a side note, should I feel guilty if I still want to go to the gym myself? I still like running on the treadmill and lifting weights, so how do I manage that?
Also him wanting to online together 6 months in while ostentatiously pretending to be wealthy? This has scam written all over it.
does he know the chain was placed on the desk when you touched it?
Or both. Maybe both.
I hope you understand when people talk about age gaps, it is not because it seems weird or is culturally inappropriate. It is because the older person is often playing stupid games that people their age would never tolerate.
For example keeping contact with an ex and their love letters. A woman his own age would drop kick him the second those letters were discovered. You are young and easier to manipulate into thinking it’s “normal”.
It’s not normal. He is cheating on you. Burn the letter or burn the relationship please.
I mean, it sounds like all you want to hear is to stay together, and to do that you will have to marry her. So congrats on the engagement and good luck!
Don't worry about it. You already know enough to know he's a pathological liar and you shouldn't tie yourself to him emotionally or financially in any way, shape or form. End the relationship and move on, you don't have to tell him what you know or how you know it, just tell him it's done.
Your username says it all.
Having the responsibilty to take care of a terminally ill animal, knowing full well that every single day could be its last is naked. Let alone if you have two.
YOU want do adopt another cat. It is not a “we” problem. You're in a relationship. If you are both not on board with a decision, you shouldn't follow through. Simple as that. So I think you shouldn't be adopting another cat anytime soon. You're obsessed with these animals. It's not your “obligation” to take care of terminally ill cats. It's just what you want to do, and your boyfriend doesn't have to feel the same way.
Exactly. If he doesn’t mean it why does he say it when he knows it upsets you? That alone should be a good reason to stop doing it.
Would you want to marry someone that's this much of a flake?
My last relationship was 10 years and I left because he wouldn't commit.
He told me the same things, that he loved me and wanted all the things. He took me ring shopping, we watched wedding shows. And yet, the goal posts always moved and every step was conditional on the last.
No kids without marriage. No marriage without a house. Oh, now we've moved interstate so the house is off the cards for two years. Make that three years. Back home, still nothing. I watched all of my friends get married and have babies while I continually had the line pushed further and further away.
I left and met someone who wanted to marry me. We are now engaged.
If it's not an immediate yes, let's do this, it's a no. And she is right, you're wasting her time because if she wants kids, her clock is ticking.
I'm TTC now at 35. I'm considered a geriatric pregnancy if we get pregnant.
Let her go if this is not what you want. Even if there is a scrap of doubt, let her go. If you go ahead just to keep her, the resentment will destroy the marriage anyway.
It's been 5 years. Sh¹t or get off the pot.
If you have no intention of marrying her, and she has made it clear that her goal in this long term relationship is to have a committed life partner, then you are wasting her time. She is looking for someone who wants to build a life together. If that's not you, then let her go so she can find someone who does want to marry her
Has female friends who don't know about you… what did I just read. Lmao miss your being played, and that other girl who yelled that she loves him is most likely his other girlfriend.
Time, redirecting your thoughts and behaviors into something positive (also called coping in a healthy way), therapy.
Time, especially.
He is aware of your insecurities surrounding his ex, right? What if he’s intentionally using that against you? What if his ex didn’t even do the things he’s saying she did? He could just be using her to manipulate you into doing what he wants. He knew what he said would hurt you, he didn’t care though, so long as he gets what he wants in the end. OP, you deserve better.
Maybe she got into the mindset of having quiet time for herself and watch the kids having fun.
Trust your feelings. My OH left the ring behind but he still saw an opportunity to make it a thing that we would both remember, it isn't about the ring, it is about the feeling behind it and I suspect the feeling isn't that you are his soul mate and he wants to be with you for his whole life.
I would really trust that you don't feel special and you don't want to be living with this guy for the next 10/20 or 40 years.
Do you?
Bruh you are FUCKED when she eventually connects with a stranger that IS her type.
YOU lucked out this time.
Your wife is a B. If you had said that to your wife, she'd be upset. Totally uncalled for.
When you make 5X as much as someone, and you're expecting to online at your standard of living, and not theirs, it's unconscionable to expect them to pay 40% of the rent. Yes it's the same amount he's paying now, but that means you are getting 100% of the financial advantage of living together on top of being in the stronger position financially already.
You make 5/6 of the income, and he makes 1/6. He should really be paying 16-17% of the joint bills, and then it makes sense for him to pay for his own phone, car, debts, etc. That would be about $935 in rent.
I agree with Lovehate above- find an activity you love, and when you are tempted to talk to hom, do that instead. For a few days the comments may help, but you need to be moving forward, away from dwelling on anything to do with him. The sooner you integrate an unrelated activity, the sooner you start to make progress and move away from it.
Thats what im trying to figure out
They want a flatmates relationship with you, not a friendship. It seems clear they don't consider you a close friend, more of an acquaintance.
Work on your friendships outside the flat. Lower your expectations.
I online in the US, but I plan on getting some legal advice soon given how conflicting this whole situation is.
She wants a months pass, likely has someone in mind.. If it works out with them she will 100% not be coming back. I'd say no and that if there's a break then it's permanent.
A life parter wants to be with you for life with no breaks or fuckery… your girlfriend is not the life parter for you.
You tell her off, put her in her place, and put some distance between yourselves.. Actions have consequences, let her experience some of those consequences.
This is a soft breakup with an option to get back together if things do not work out with the guy's she has lined up to date when you take the break..
Expect that she will date other people and reach out to you when she needs someone to eomotionally lean on.
It sounds like this relationship (like most relationships especially when people are young) has reached it's natural conclusion. Every relationship I have ever been in or seen does not work out when it reaches this type of crossroads. And that is okay. Your GF probably thinks what she is offering is fair to you but it is really just hedging her bets.
Oh honey, it sounds like this is some kind of control thing and I wouldn't stand for it if I were you. I'd just wait out my time and just move back home instead of renewing my visa to stay with him in his country. He sounds like a douche bag to me. I'm sure you can do so much better with someone else. Please don't let him control/ hurt you like this. Just quietly bide your time until you can leave and do so as quickly and quietly as possible. If you need to, don't even tell him that you aren't coming back when you fly out. Just go and cut all contact. Protect yourself please. It sounds like you are on the verge of a very scary situation and I'm worried for you.
Ok but for gods sake don't put a ring on him.
Deep down you know you don't want to marry him. That's why you're crying.
Anyone who wants an open marriage, isnt ready to be married. End of story
I'm not sure how you can say “end of story” when a somewhat significant portion of people maintain successful open marriages. It may not be for you (or me), but I don't think you should tell people they are or aren't ready for marriage based on their personal preferences.
He probably needs to work out with a therapist hating his looks so much that comments about it make him uncomfortable.
You can find things to compliment that aren't his appearance. Why can't you comment on his clothes specifically, if he looks nice in his shirt? While I think his opinion on himself needs to be discussed with a therapist, the opposite of his love language is physical compliments, and that might never change.
Break it off now. Do not delay. You are incompatible. She needs to grieve and start moving. You are wasting her. Have some consideration.
I’m a massage therapist and can’t think of much worse than massaging one of my exes! This is shady.
We are going NO CONTACT!
You’re not safe. The fire is gone, but you’re still in danger. Yikes!
How big of a caste difference are we talking about here?
And keep waking
It's so sad how some people can be so unaware of how much they are their own enemy. I'm so sorry for you. And one of the saddest things is that he'll probably kill her one day, how can she not see this? Or not care?
Friend drunkenly ordered that bad dragon horse dildo and forgot about it until it showed up. Turns out she also left it at “medium” firmness and it just flops about because it's too long. I mean there's a chance she's used it, but I think she enjoys it more like a weapon and joke than anything.
This is unhelpful without adding a solution to the problem you've suggested.
Reading this post and your replies, I can see why he doesnt wanna spend your birthday with you lmao. Jesus christ what a drama queen. Ive met literal children with more maturity.
The compassionate choice.
You are doing the right thing by protecting your daughter, your brother, your wife, and yourself. You are NOT being judgmental—you are doing what your mom failed to do and protect your kid. You set a perfectly reasonable boundary: you do not want your stepfather, who once kidnapped and endangered a child, to know anything about your kid. That your mom disrespected that boundary is extremely problematic and you are right not to trust her. You are doing the right thing and your kid will be better off without her toxic grandma in her life.
Oh pedophilia is a mental health disorder. Fuck. That. When he is at the point of taking pics of actual school girls. God damn it. And ‘ mild’ child porn. Ugh. This woman has made it about their relationship as well. Jfc.
I have a lot of medical professionals in the family who also do rotating shifts. The lack of emotional availability has nothing to do with her profession.
I don't see naivety…I see her lack of interest in you. If you love someone, you want to spend time with them. It shouldn't be a chore. Honestly..I'm sorry but it sounds like she doesn't care.
Doesn't care what your boundaries are..doesn't care to spend time with you…doesn't care to be emotionally invested in your relationship.
I would try to look at your relationship from another perspective. Pretend your friend was telling you about all of this..what would you tell them.
Don’t feel bad, they think we’re going to be tortured eternally for it. Their sadness really isn’t about you, it’s about you not validating them.
Where does he say that?
Hmm I agree with the idea of people giving bs answers post breakup, but the female nature stuff sounds very much red pill talk. Most of red pill is a coping mechanism with some truths about human nature to make it feel legitimate. Don’t go too far down the “female nature” rabbit hole, or you’ll always transactional relationships.
Man up and walk away, NOT: man up and confront a coward…
Failure to launch
Okay, thank you! I really appreciate the advice.
I do think he probably likes her, but of course I don’t know. It’s bad that he tried to hide it from you. I think you should sleep on it and see how you feel about trusting him tomorrow.
I assure you, its going to be easier breaking up now that it will be once you're married.
If you are buying this “fasting” story you are a fool. Don't let people do that to you.
Oof. Things have changed considerable with the trans fetish and the queer porn. Something much deeper is going on here.
I had some of thoughts like that and I dont ever wanted that to happen, oh I dont know what to do anymore.. I'm not sure how I'll properly explain those to my husband again.. He told me before too if she still has any feelings for him, then that's her problem. And if she ever did any kind of advancements/touches, he would break their friendship asap as he looked at me dead in the eye. I guess he was still hoping he can get friendship out of her, hoping they really could stay friends and she would change because of their good connection as buddies. He's been wanting to have good friends that's all..
Yeah true say she mentioned that she thinks money is overrated and that she wants to be with someone who isn’t as controlling over her as he was.. guys I just had abit of doubt I think but I shouldn’t tbh because I do bring alot to the table and will be bringing more definitely
And I could 100% provide her a great relationship
Please don’t do this. There are so many red flags. No relationship should make you feel like “I don’t want to online this life anymore.”
There are MUCH better men out there. Take it from someone who dated THE WORST MEN of all time before finding my love… RUN! RUN NOW!
Art is so much better than this man. Your life is waiting for you.
Like others have said. After reading that, marriage is not a good idea at this point and time. You are way too young anyway and it's best to get out and enjoy your early twenties first. Spend them meeting new people, furthering your education, and finding a career path. Getting locked down right now will set you back possibly for life. Especially if you start having children this early in the game. Right now, YOU need to do YOU.
Yeah. That really sucks.
Anger outbursts – that's super difficult when you've trauma history. She may not be in control of her anger – that's why something that would seem to be not that big a deal to others, like her throwing dish towels, is naked on you. It's not the dish towels, it's the feeling that you're within the blast radius, and she's not in control. She may not be able to control when she is angry- but she should be responsible in how she treats you in the midst of it. Or yeah- you can't continue to put yourself at ground zero.
Yeah, he’s a loser.
3.5 weeks is way too early to be in love with someone!!
I dont know why sex is even an issue here – the main issue is youre living w someone who isnt an adult. be done with the erratic jobs. my husband was like this and then was stable for a few years in his thirties so we get married and have kids? then it started up again. i regret thinking his unstable employment was iver bc he held it together for five years. some people are just like that and i cant stand it
It sure feels so when we argue. Any tips on how I can improve?
She needs to be cut out of your life. What's to say she won't do this kind of thing with every partner you have? No partner of yours will want that as their MIL. And it sounds like the only person your mom will accept is Jess anyway. Whether you want to retaliate against her is up to you, but bare minimum, if you want a healthy romantic relationship you need to cut your mom out of your life
Ooooo I’m uniquely equipped to help on this one. Lots of practice.
“No thank you.” If he pushes say “the church is a metaphor for nuclear war.” This will confuse him and give you long enough to escape the conversation.
How do you know she's not being forced? That would explain why she's so emotional about it. I would ask if he's making her uncomfortable and at least then she has a way of owning up
I would be so mad
I was in love with him for a year before we decided to try it out and I knew from the beginning that he's a slow burner. We've been “together” for a year now.
I online with someone who has cancer. The first time I got a really bad stomach ache, they chuckled because I’m a massive baby about them and my reaction was and I quote ‘comedic’, and I will say, i’m very extra about them.
But when I get migraines or don’t feel well, they have no issues getting me an ice pack or medicine. I even apologized because I know my issues are trivial compared to cancer treatments but I was met with nothing but compassion. Everyones illnesses and circumstances are different. Some are considerably worse but it doesnt mean that you arent struggling as well.
He doesn’t sound like a very supportive partner. If this is how he reacts when your sick, is it something your willing to put up with, everytime your sick, for the rest of your life? You deserve compassion AND support too.
You'll be doing all that, and more
My friend was in this exact situation a few years back. Her husband had started talking to an ex-girlfriend of his and at first all was normal, but then he started to hide stuff – even though my friend had never shown any signs of being uncomfortable with their relationship. But the hiding stuff, talking to the ex about personal issues instead of her, trusting her with information that was betwee him and his wife – that overstept several boundaries.
So what did she do? She mentioned he was picking her up from the airport and that's why he had to leave a dinner with us friends early. We asked about it. She just kept telling us little tihngs about what he was doing, all casual-like, like telling this exgf about their health issues, monetary issues, how he had been to a market with her without telling his wife etc. We were all so dumbfounded at this and I think it only hit the husband that he was acting super inappropriately when even his buddies were like “wtf are you doing man”.
Yup.
I've been there. My ex's GF bought expensive tickets to an event my daughter very much wanted to go to. Only problem, it was on my birthday, when I normally would spend time with my daughter. Nobody had consulted me, the co-parent, if it was okay.
If I had stuck up for myself, it would have deprived my daughter of this fun event. I lose, either way.
You have to accept that these things will come up sometimes when there are kids in the mix. Making your BF feel guilty won't change anything except the comfort level with each other.
Do as I did, suck it up and go on alone. Maybe BF can do something to “make it up to you.”
I mean… he should really get a paternity test before he uproots his whole life, right?
It means absolutely nothing because it's a dream – and if she's even googling these things herself, it means she doesn't know either and oh, it doesn't mean anything.
I do not suggest handling it the way I did. (Warning this is not a short read)
He convinced me to stay. He has adhd, pretty sure he’s on the spectrum, and he has ptsd from the abuse his parents put him through. Because we were together for so long before anything happened (just under 2 decades) I think I convinced myself that his mental issues were the pushing factor. He then spent the next 7 years crossing boundaries, lying, becoming increasingly verbally abusive. His mental health got worse because my mental health was getting worse.
We never healed but we are still together. Lots of individual therapy. Some couples therapy. He has learned that he can use his mental health issues against me in an argument. He weaponizes my mental and emotional health.
For about a month now he has been without his meds (adderall shortage is real) and now we are at the point where he needs to find another place to stay. I feel so much guilt (Stockholm?) but his verbal abuse is starting to trickle down to the kids. In particular my oldest who is not biologically his but he has raised since she was 3. She is an adult but lives with us while she (first found a job) saves up enough for a house. He’s talking to her as if she’s an acquaintance renting a room. It does not register that she is not just some kid, she is my child (formerly ours). There’s a disconnect somewhere, because although he would move mountains to help our mutual children, right now he views her as just another adult and it somehow does not register with him that I too will always help MY children. The other problem is that she is more emotionally mature and more intelligent then all of us, and the current situation is boiling over. All because she is another adult who stood up to him and she can easily pick him apart and point out his failings. He does not enjoy being wrong.
On top of all of this, this whole situation has made me someone I am not. He is very well equipped to frustrate me and wind me up to the point I lose my self control and become verbally abusive as well. I don’t like this. I don’t like this stress. I don’t like how angry I am all the time. I don’t like the depression that has developed over the years.
I have tried. I’ve taken into account all the extenuating circumstance. I understand that his faults might be caused by something not fully under his control. I am miserable. Our kids are miserable. I basically told him something has to change quickly because I do not want to end up hating him. It feels like it’s ending, I know how fragile he really is, he has no clue how fragile he is, and this will make everything worse for him, and I have so much guilt about it.
It would have been much easier on everybody I think if I stuck to my core values and left him in the beginning.
Exactly ?? I want someone who can appreciate have me and treat me the same way I treat them..
OP is concerning.
It's called love bombing, and it's a major red flag.
Yeah, he may not have anything else saved, I have some sneaky links that ended and as soon as I decided it was done I deleted the messages on my end and all that. The fact of the matter is, she lied, she was acting weird, there is similarities in the lipstick. He may be slow rolling his evidence to torture you like a sick fuck.
In your position I would tell her that you talked to him and you know the truth, then say you know about the blowjob's in the car and about the day of the party that she cheated on you and he had no way of guessing that because you didn't ask about it he just knew. Then watch her reaction for it all, the truth will come out little by little.
I only come to read. I usually don’t post. Fair enough i am indeed an accomplice.
They are both clearly taking it as entertaining. This is childish behavior. If you want to put it up with it, that's up to you.
He’s ACE and you’re not. That’s ok. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Don’t tell him that even if you never have sex again, he’s more than enough. This is something you have to figure out. Whatever future you two may have will depend on how you redefine your relationship boundaries. But it’s ok for you to need to be in a relationship where a healthy sex life is a factor.
My dad died about five years ago. My boyfriend at the time was my chauffeur, therapist, stylist and best friend for the days leading up to it, day of, after and through the memorial and mourning phase. He was amazing. I’d kick your “boyfriend” out of your life for good. That is abhorrent behavior and unforgivable.
You have it backwards. I was 25F he was 41M
Even if he never does it again it’s still over…….if you don’t have 100% trust in your partner, it’s over. Anything that could be interpreted as shady will be interpreted as shady. It’s time to clock out and move on.
These people are idiots. Just see your neighbor when this guy's not there and keep your distance when he is. It's ultimately none of your business who this woman is dating. But that doesn't mean you need to part of their shenanigans.
Dude.
DUDE.
I'm right there with you /u/crankylex .
OP's friend is a true platonic friend. They weren't lovers. They had a a mutual lover but that situation had ended prior to OP hooking up with her current BF.
Not sure how that is relevant information to the situation at hand as the men are friends.
Where is the lie?
I have given him opportunities to tell me if he wants out but he always says no he is happy everything is fine, why do I need to be the one who calls it if he was the one that got bored first? Just saying this objectively.
I understand too relationships can fizzle out and change and end. I was actually thinking about this the other day, that breakups are such a bigger deal than other types of relationships. And with that I thought – family is a type of relationship (blood or chosen) and you don't just up and leave family for the most part, so why is it like that with romantic relationships where they don't last as long and there's less desire to repair like with family troubles. I feel with my bf he is my chosen family and romantic partner so my desire to repair is greater.
I will attempt to have my bf communicate with me if this is what he wants or not, so I don't go wasting years.
Thank you! I actually did go to therapy for a bit to help with this sort of thing and believe it or not it did help me bring up some other things I wasn’t happy about.
The comments seem to be all the same that he should be paying something
I would chose Sarah, poor woman getting punished and left out because her abuse is invited instead of her… yeah I'd say just tell her your both shitty people and would rather stand by a woman beater than be there for the victim. Let hope she drops you both when she realises who you are.
I remind my wife to take her meds in the morning because she says alarms are not the same, she wants a text, so I “schedule” a week or 3 worth of messages that get sent every morning.
You can outsmart a problem like this if you are crafty enough.
In all seriousness, it's probably because he is focused on work and mornings are usually the hardest part of the day. I don't think you are being unreasonable to want it but he needs to see how important it is to you.
Has anyone come back from this? Please share. Our intimacy has been bad for a couple of years now. Had a kid and had really bad depression the trama… I’m better now but the meds make my libido disappear to the point where I feel like I can’t even remember what it was like to ever want it… obviously the relationship is so bad now because of this… not fighting or abuse but just nothing….
If hes not gonna atleast discuss what can be done to make his nerves go away and try to compromise to spend some time with your family then this probably isnt gonna work out. So for that you have one of three options imo, you can push it and even when he gets annoyed question why it bothers him so much and why he cant communicate with you, you could leave it and grow resentful ( not the option to choose) or you dump him. Realistically he should be able to tell you what he needs to be comfortable around your family, whether its kinda of planning topics to talk about before meeting, meeting in a setting hes more comfortable, example is some people are nervous inside of their partners parents house but respond better sitting outside where they are more open. If he cant help you then your hands are tied.
As for the dates, asking him to plan one night a month is such a low bar to set that he shouldnt be getting annoyed or angry over it. Their are so many date ideas now a days that it is simple to plan, and lots of them are cheap or free if its the money aspect as to why hes annoyed.
Your not expecting to much from him nor are you selfish for wanting him to be more active in the relationship and your family, those are things you expect a partner to want to do and they should try to do them. You dont need to settle for someone who wont communicate or provide the basic expectations of a relationship, as others have probably said someone would gladly do those things for you with no issues. If you want to try talking to him again then thats an option but you would need to be firm on setting your standards now, that you expect him to spend time and get to know you family, yes its awkward at first but the more time they see eachother the more familiar and comfortable it would be, and that you expect a date night minimum once a month, it doesnt need to be expensive or flamboyant but something that he planned more then videogames and sitting inside. Go hiking, cook you a meal, go to a park for a walk, arcades and drinks, sometimes the simple dates are memorable because they are the most relaxed, so you could try talking again and lay everything out and if he doesnt agree then contemplate leaving or you can just dump him now and avoid the talk
Lowkey whack but I don’t think that’s unethical unless you met in therapy.
I understand where you are coming from. I feel the need to plan and organise every part of my life, including when other people are involved, because the organisation helps to feel in control of my environment. For me it's an anxiety thing because I catastrophise every situation. Slowly learning to let go of control and go with flow of other people's wishes is difficult but necessary as I don't want to be a control freak. Maybe ask yourself why you feel the need it to be done your way?
Not a problem hopefully it helps ♡
Thank you for your comment, definitely thinking about it.
There is no proper answer to the question from you gf of: do I look fat in this outfit?” The best possible answer is always: that outfit does not flatter your figure.” or That outfit doesn't show off your figure in the best way” or something like that.
Tip for lovers: never say the words “you” and “fat” in the same sentence or even in the same paragraph to your gf if you ever expect to have sex with her again.
Op, no one else is saying anything but “for sure the baby would be born in May” like it's the gospel.
My due date changed three times, by weeks, while I was pregnant due to measurements. Original due date was late May, then mid June, then finally July 4th. I was induced on June 30th because the doctor measured the baby and felt that she had not grown in between appointments and was afraid that it was due to failure to thrive. I gave birth that evening to an otherwise healthy but thin and very long legged baby girl. I wouldn't blow your whole world up with accusations just yet.
I wouldn't want to either, and I wouldn't feel comfortable ever again if I was told that. It can be true all day and all night. Best, keep that shit to yourself unless you want my opinions. My opinions cut deep. He might have meant good things, but I'd end up leaving after knowing what he thinks of me. There might be a positive way to spin it. You can embrace it, but you ought to tell him he hurt you and why. Not just what he says because he doesn't understand why what he said hurts because he thinks it was a compliment. You have to tell him why it wasn't.
My girlfriend talks about having lived in an affluent area and how the people living there actively encourage you to pick up their junk. They want to get rid of it and they want you to have the opportunity to own it if you see fit. Win/win.
Some peoples families mean a lot to them and are more family oriented. Also it’s not fun planning every date for you and your partner. She shouldn’t be the only one planning dates or initiating that kind of stuff. All her wants are valid here. He should be putting in more effort bc it seems minimal. She isn’t even asking for much, these are pretty normal and basic things that go on within healthy relationships.
It’s not needy nor immature to want what she asked him for. It’s more than normal
” there is no difference “
Don't know about that , at least one difference I can think of
She needs to be in therapy. Your college/university probably has a free counseling service for students. She should take advantage of that NOW because it's going to be very expensive once she graduates. You can offer to go with her the first time if it would help motivate her. You can offer to make the appointment for her. But she needs to see a therapist more than she needs a boyfriend right now. Best of luck to both of you.
I don't know. I honestly want to get off this relationship. I have a choice to let go but I've gain an absurd pressure of staying because he already introduced me to his family and relatives. He's the first guy I've introduced to my father. I don't know.
I'm not sure exactly what needs to be facilitated about the trip beyond time and location tbh. My partner and I camp with friends a lot, and everyone just brings exactly what they need for camping plus whatever other stuff they might want for fun. We figure out food and activities as we go along and it's super chill and a lot of fun. I find it naked to believe that a group of adults can't manage to pack tents, food, and water for themselves without being explicitly told to. These aren't children on a school trip. Grown up can figure these things out for themselves.
Yes good idea!
We used to have sex a lot as teens, but since we hit our 20s there's been little to none. I've tried to talk with her about it but she gets defensive and makes me seem like the “bad guy” in those discussions. She's recently had issues with depression on and off and was on medication for anxiety but stopped for a while. She's on the IUD and didn't seem to have much for hormonal changes because of it.
You're the one that said trans people deserve to be beaten so I said I could kick your ass. You're literally threatening to rape me and I'm saying I would destroy your genitals. I promise you if I'm ever in the UK I'll hit you up and teach you a lesson for all trans people.
Agree
Could even be a “platonic romance” where they feel they should be the most important person in each other’s lives, and take it out on romantic partners as a result.
Who are “these type of people”?
Maybe it’s just me but the idea of making a girl you like babysit you before asking her out seems… flawed. Maybe if you sat for her?
But I’d definitely not want her best impression of me to be “vulnerable and dependent”.
Don’t tell them at all.
It’s time you realise that they are not a healthy part of your life, and as you are about to bring new life into the world, you only need other people who add to your life around you.
Are you embarrassed about being “the kind of person who takes free stuff from the curb” rather than “the kind of person who leaves stuff for people to take for free”, is that it?
Stench is a bit tough!
If he says you’re moving too fast it’s likely because things aren’t over with his ex. He is saving you that heartache. Ease up a bit.
He says no, but I KNOW he would feel wild. He says “but I would never go through your followers, so id never see”.
Hate to break it to you, but that's not your man anymore. You gotta let him go and focus on you
It’s just thoughts dude, human nature, u have crushes and that is fine. The only difference is how u react to those thoughts.
Look buddy I usually don’t like telling people what to do in their relationships (but here I am), but listen to this. There will always be better, you may be comfortable and happy in ur current home, but there will always be a better home, you may think your wife is the best but there will always be a better person than her…this is life. The only difference here is how u react to them. Don’t fix something that isn’t broken. You married ur wife for a reason, sex life can always be improved, go to couples counseling only if both of u really want to fix things not just to say “I went to couples therapy and it didn’t work”
And remember If we always chase the next best thing or the better, than what is the point of having them in the first place? That life sounds exhausting.
Good luck
As they say… “the grass is always greener”. What concerns me is that you've felt this way about TWO other women, not just a one time fling.
So one point of view would ask, “are you really trying?”. Meaning, do you do the romantic things for your wife that would initiate a healthy sexual relationship? I.e. buying the occasional flowes, saying compliments like “I think you're beautiful”, “I find you so attractive”, “God I wanna fuck you!”… (please excuse my crude examples lol). If not, than you can't really blame a situation you really aren't giving a 100% effort towards.
Another point of view would say, “why stay if there is no physical attraction?”. So ask yourself, are you physically attracted? If not, why did you get married then and commit your life to a person you really weren't attracted to? I only make this point because you have said there has always been a “lack of chemistry”.
All marriages and relationships take work. Even the good ones who claim are “effortless”. They still work at their relationships. What makes their relationships seem effortless is reciprocation.
Your gf has to learn that unless you speak up for yourself folks will walk all over you.
It may be petty, but its not passive-aggressive. Its full on aggression but makes the point
Honey, for all you know, they already have a video of you taking the rug away! ?
There's no shame in your curb game. If it helps you feel less awkward, mention it yourself. “Hey, while you're here, check out how we styled that rug you tossed!”
I bet she'll be happy the rug has found a nice home instead of ending up at the dump.
Be kind to yourself, worrying like this can really eat you up. You're using very judgemental language about your actions, you certainly didn't steal this rug. Are you normally so naked on yourself?
Leave his ass and find someone supportive
No. No and no.
It's not normal. If it's normal for him that means he was verbally abusive in every other relationship he has had and treated his partners like shit until they couldnt deal with him and he met you.
People treat you the way u allow them to.
Would u want to have a child with this man and have him say this shit to a kid? Because if he thinks its okay to speak to u this way he will do it to a child too.
Do u want to put your kids through emotional trauma and be stuck with this behavior for the rest of your life?
Love. I've been with my husband more than a decade we don't speak to each other like this. It's never okay to speak to people like this especially not ones you say you love and care for.
There are men out there that would actually treat you with respect and kindness.
Please love yourself enough to realize this shit isn't okay!
I read your replies. Your “friend” is abusing your friendship naked.
GTFAway from her.
She injured herself, she didn't help herself. Its a her a problem, not your.
Honestly, he sounds full of it. He probably has the hots for your wife and is trying to break up the marriage . I would trust your wife if you haven't had any concerns before this, if yall have had a good marriage, and if her story is consistent. And why would you even entertain this guy by meeting with him.
It's time to whoop ass girl
When I was 22, my then-girlfriend and I were roughhousing while camping, she lightly shoved me, and my knee dislocated.
I know now that I have EDS, so dislocations stand to be a pretty common event for me, but I didn’t know then. It took 2 weeks of rest and 7 weeks of physical therapy to recover, and I still developed arthritis.
I married that girlfriend, despite that even after receiving medical attention, this did become a lifelong injury that has significantly impacted my quality of life. And even though I sometimes joke with her about the time she dislocated my knee, I don’t hold it over her head. You know why?
Because when you engage in ANY kind of physical activity, you accept the risk that you’ll be injured. It wasn’t my wife’s fault she dislocated my knee, and it’s not your fault your friend fell and injured hers.
She has some maturing to do, and you are not required to wait around for it to happen.
Take a second to think. Do you want people like this is your child’s life? Base this on how they make you feel. Since you say they are emotionally manipulative and talk down to you all the time then you must not have a good feeling when you interact with them. Do you want your kid to feel that way? If not then don’t tell them.
Keep communicating. If you don’t online together now, maybe don’t jump into it just before she leaves anyway, but also don’t jump into it if both of you can’t have the autonomy that you’re asking for (only her?) because that isn’t fair.
At the same time, she wants to live with you for that time because it’s a precursor to going away, when you will be by yourself, it would seem.
“Nevermind I'm not going. I'll go along for free to be with you but I'm a broke college student. I'm not paying for half when it's not my hobby. I love you and I hope you have fun. I think I'll be good”
I'm just curious about how the programs compare. Maybe the one in the US is a lot more rigorous, developed, and respected? For example, I have a long time friend from India that said a majority of their universities are a joke and are meaningless and you'll graduate but not really have all the knowledge and skills you need. (don't know the truth to that statement). Similarly, in the US we have certain schools that are accredited different ways so there are instances when you'll want to avoid one or choose the other. Is the other program less years and cheaper because it's missing vital content that would make you a better, stronger, more knowledgeable surgeon? I think this is an important factor worth considering.
Just read through that method and I agree with it. My mistake is that when I do engage in conversation, it tends to lead to bitter jabs or me acting like a jerk, which she doesn't know why. So, I have to work on being even less engaging. Only respond when she engages and keep it short.
It was funny, though she said something about cheating last night, like her grounds is obviously adultery and if you sent naked pictures to another person. I kind of laughed because of the hypocrisy of it. It all started cause I was replying to a post on reddit.(this post, quickly closed it and she came from behind me.) So I have to be even more cautious about everything.
He is emesmed with his family. This isn't going to get better. Sorry.
If its an issue end it, but give him the courtesy to understand exactly why its over
but holy shit !!!!!!! Where do the boundaries begin??
Boundaries begin where your partner draws them and reinforces them. This is entirely his responsibility. What his parents are doing is not okay in the slightest but they may not realise that as they are absorbed in their own issues. Your partner needs to put his foot down and establish those boundaries. Talk to him about why he is accepting this role and if he would be willing to change it to a more healthier dynamic.
You seem like a sweet bf, this is nice :’-) Send her a little care package, but put things in there you know she loves, needs, or eyeballs at the store all the time rather than going the “woman gf get period ? get choco bar wine and murder doc and she placated hee haw” route that usually comes to mind lol. Get some of her favorite candy, snacks, drinks, maybe a new color of nail polish for her to use while she relaxes, small bath items like a nice new soap, epsom salts, bubble bath, throwing in even a small $1 plush from dollar tree shows you’re thinking about ways to make her feel better!
I lost it when you said the broke loser now wants to join the Marines…one of the most difficult things to do on the planet ?
Is there even a single redeeming quality to this guy? He sounds like an absolute waste of space, so why hasn’t your goofy ass already left?
she's the sweetest person when she's not mad
But how often is she mad? How often is that anger justified? Proportionate?
Suggesting an open relationship when your monogamous bf was having mental health issues and struggling was a mistake.
You have done a good job of trying to fix things, but the damage is there. You need to confront that.
Early in life I made the same mistake as you with a partner that I was unhappy with. It ended the relationship because they were unable to go back to the way it was before. It took me a long time to build up the empathy and understanding to sees why what I had done hurt so much. My partner had been committed to me, and me alone; I did not share the same feeling at that point, even though I told myself I did. Suggesting an open relationship made that difference very obvious and we were not able to survive it.
Opening a monogamous relationship is something both parties do in good health, happily, with enthusiastic agreement on both sides. Not like this.
No, you can't just switch off OCD.
Even if you decide you want to stay with this guy, do NOT sign a lease with him again in case things revert to the way they were.
I think it is a lie too. But I feel like I can’t tell him that I think that because he will react badly and accuse him of not trying. I did bring up all the instances I told him that I felt like I couldn’t function in my own house and how he never said that then or attempted to improve his mental health. It is so insane…. He has literally gone from 2 hour nightly routines of counting how many times he needs to close a door, obsessing over toilet paper, whispering compulsions to himself at night, fighting with me at every opportunity because he felt like I was ‘messy on purpose’ to absolutely nothing at all. No compulsions at all
U know the writing on the wall , your relationship is definitely in trouble, u been with her since 18 and she has a kid 2 yrs later, no doubt she’s feeling more like being a single teenager with her newfound social group than a partner and parent, if she hasn’t already her chances of being faithful are slim to none, it’s up to you to chose how long ur willing to put up with this before u realize she’s checked out
Sounds more like he still has feelings for her If he was helping her with a assessment they could have gone to the library or a cafe.
Going to his room screams sex..
Honestly you need to dump him.
If he was really inlove he would have not taken her to his room.. He would have asked you to come over and help or taken her to a cafe
Either get some nice pads and wear them around him for the rest of your life for the next time he gets physical, or leave. Those are really your only options.
You leave when your partner gets violent with you, or you strap in and get ready for an abusive relationship.
This is a major part of why I'm scared to leave. I cannot imagine a single second away from my son. I am scared they won't care what I have to say or show for my abuse and I won't be seen as the primary even though I make more money, have better hours, and our relatives see me as the better parent.
Cameras that she doesn't know about in the living room, etc., as well as a security camera over the front door that she does, because you “want to keep your family safe”. If the system “just happens” to catch her abuse of you, ah well. This kind of evidence is so powerful for keeping in your child's life. And if you can go to a court after recording her being violent, and say that you need a restraining order because of her violence has put you in fear for your child's life, with the video evidence, do it. CHECK WITH A LAWYER to see if this will work. You need to start planning now, before she takes concocted stories to the police.
The he will have to accept you being single. Break up with him.
Involve him in these thoughts and therapy in advance of the relationship very likely separating of you both. Have him on the same page and not blindsided by any decision you take. But it's true what others have said. Co dependency isn't a reason to stay.
I used shut down and lock up but it was one of the things i worked on with therapy aswell . So i do display emotion when things go wrong . I do communicate when things are wrong but I get not much help in response . I feel ive been left down too many times when i needed some support and i have brought it up but a few times i was going through things i was slightly blamed for just bringing the mood down . And also we also were talking and it granted she said she doesnt know how to help and while i will chance something in case it works , she will do nothing unless she knows it works , so its been left to me a few times to just pick myself up , or pick myself up enough to detail how to help . It feels like ive to figure out how to help myself then tell her after ive fixed it
If she has her stuff together and you guys click, it seems fine. The only thing I would keep in mind is that she's still in her development and “getting to know herself years” while you're winding down. Definitely cool to continue to have fun, but look for a long-haul commitment. Don't try and settle down right away. Good luck!
No, all this whiny bs is why this sort of thing is a “problem” that continues to get worse.
He better get used to putting other people first. Life is going to change and that’s part of the deal in being a father.
Camping will still be there in a few years.
When I was younger I was in a similar situation. I was back and forth between two girls, and trying to make a decision before either of them could get hurt. I was leaning towards girl number 1, because my 18 year old brain told me she had bigger breasts and that’s what I wanted.
Anyways they both found out, and broke the news to me by inviting me to a group chat they had started. It was a huge mess and a bummer for everyone.
Almost ten years later now, I wish I could’ve married girl number 2. She was one of my best friends and we still remained friends. But she never looked at me the same after everything, and eventually got married to some one else.
Hope this story helps.
Cuz alcohol makes people do dumb stuff?
Once you left he probably tried to get into a committed relationship with her and she said no. So now he's running back.
Stop trying to convince your wife to give up her aging dog. She won't do it.
There has to be more solutions. Chewing, etc, are often due to anxiety. Is the dog getting enough exercise? Does the dog need a dog friend? Does the dog need anxiety meds? Does music playing or other thing help relieve anxiety? Have you called an animal behaviorist? Buy a better dog crate. Get her more chew toys or treat puzzles to distract her. You haven't tried everything and if you keep pushing your wife to abandon a pet she's had for a decade you will damage your relationship.
He’s using that as an excuse to blame you for his problems. It’s probably not even related. Either way, what an asshole for making it about you.
If you don’t mind my asking what determined you are high risk? Also…. His comment high risk isn’t guaranteed risk is incredibly insensitive and frankly concerning that he isn’t taking that, and the anxiety surrounding that seriously!
As b/f and g/f, and no deeper commitment, it should strictly be 50/50. You both equally pay your way.
The financial decisions such as “Where do we online and what does it cost” should be made mutually. Obviously you making much less will have less to contribute to the living expense so the choices should factor in what you can afford. It seems to me that you are living beyond your means and have gone along with his choices. Unfortanately if you have agreed to that it puts you in a bit of a spot.
However, you can sit down with him and tell him that you cannot afford the current costs. Explain that you overestimated what you could afford to pay in living expenses and are living beyond your means. Explain that you need to make changes to make things affordable for you. This will mean moving to cheaper accommodation, having cheaper utility and food costs. I'm not suggesting you use this as a manipulation tool to get him to pay more. I'm suggesting that you make very real plans to move out and live within your means.
During the conversation you have with him, he might be willing to pay more so that the two of you can maintain and keep your living arrangements. Perhaps the two of you paying an amount proportional to your incomes might work?? Some people do things that way.
Whatever happens it still has to be considered fair by both parties. Because you have no strong commitment to one another beyond being b/f and g/f the two of you could break up tomorrow and have to walk away. Would one of you leave feeling they were financially disadvantaged and a bit ripped off? Or not?
Time to get a new job. Distance from the coworker is the best thing if you don't want to continue the affair.
No but my first one I told her she can't shoot it to but said she wasn't interested
Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t make you feel secure and beautiful and loved. He clearly thinks his friend is naked and stated she is the most beautiful which is wildly disrespectful to you even if she is a supermodel or whatever, you don’t tell your SO that they’re prettier, you just don’t.
A man that truly loves you will make you feel so beautiful, loved and secure that you won’t ever need to ask.
Let us know how this one concludes.
Someone probably told her to text him.
If she were male and sending the exact same text messages, would you think it sounded like a gay man hitting on him?
Or would it just sound like the dry, mundane work exchange that it is?
Break up with him. This is a deeply pathetic level of insecurity on his part. He doesn’t need reassurance. He needs therapy.
It's usually impossible to be true friends with an ex. So if you don't feel you can handle that don't try to force yourself. You'll only end up making this person uncomfortable because no matter how well we think we can hide our emotions they always end up seeping through.
Telling him everything as it’s happening doesn’t force him to accept everything. Trust is a constant work in progress and should never be absolute just because you are in a relationship with someone. Once you damage that trust, in anyway, places doubt in everything that has happened, is currently happening and will happen. If you are able to get it back, it will never be as good as it was.
Your BF is a Karen.
Her friends relationship statuses are irrelevant. You're simply asking how her night was as you would if she went shopping or out to dinner. Its only searching if you start nit picking her responses or grilling who she was dancing with etc.
You are not compatible
Yeah, you need to make him your ex-boyfriend and move on. He doesn’t get to decide what you do with your body. You already have tattoos and you’re probably gonna want more. I started with one, I now have eight and I plan on getting more. You’re young enough that you’ll find your person eventually
You are on different journeys.
DTMFA
You’re 18. I can 100% guarantee your relationship will not last as long as your tattoos. Why would you want to be with somebody who doesn’t like something that’s literally a part of you?
I understand what you’re feeling. It’s naked to do what you know is best when it means hurting the one you love. However, there are times in life when it is okay to be selfish, and this is one of them. He is an adult and can take care of himself, you are not responsible for him. If you don’t want to stay in the relationship anymore, then don’t. It will end up hurting both of you even more in the long run if you drag it out because you don’t want to hurt him now. Just think, how would he feel if he read this post? Would he be thankful for your consideration of his feelings and want to continue dating? Or would he be hurt, but say it’s best to go your separate ways? If you know what you want, you should rip the bandaid off.
Darlin, best guess is someone else has hooked him and they're too tempting for him to pass up but he really likes you so he's trying to keep you on the back burner.
You are not an option. Delete his number and block his socials to remove the temptation. If y'all happen to run into each other in a couple years and you're both single, give it another try if you want.
You don't want someone who only comes back because you begged him or who lovebombs you in a couple months because the grass wasn't so great on the other side after all.
It hurts. Break-ups do. Him crying while doing it doesn't change the fact that he did it. Relationships change over time.
They shouldnt be moving in together at this point.
They shouldnt be moving in together at this point.
Thank you very much!
What can you do? All she had to do was add you to the group, but she didn't it clearly show for her it's not important. Are you still going to the wedding?
She's said that she already is in therapy and that her therapist has had to point out to her how manipulative etc her mom is. If you're looking for someone to blame in this story, it's pretty clearly the mother. (Although I'll agree that the bf was party at fault for the escalation by resorting to name calling.)
Do you want to sort the outbursts because it is the only flaw in your relationship and then you would be happy in your relationship if he could control his anger?
Or is it the most gleaming issue of many?
You mentioned that he sometimes jokes about kicking you out of the house.
He doesn’t sound like he is treating you well at all. You deserve better than this.
That's unhealthy as can be. Ahe needs to learn how to be on her own because at this rate that's gonna happen soon anyway. It's healthy to have time away from each other. She suffocating you. She's codependent for sure. Dorn feel bad about spending time alone with your friends or even without. You're gonna resent her if you don't.
Is it possible that it's two practical problems that cannot be solved with the same type of container? The box makes the clothes neat. That's good. The bags makes them easier to stash, but will mess up any kind of ironing you've spent a while sorting.
Are you running out of storage space or living space? Is it possible to store SOME clothes neat and some clothes bundled and kind of meet half way?
I still think he is unreasonable, mind you. But I can see the merits of the suggestion.
Thank you for sharing that. I just spent the last 30 minutes combing through that and it already has given me some sense of relief about certain things. I probably never would've found that sub if not for this comment. I sincerely appreciate it
Thank you for sharing that. I just spent the last 30 minutes combing through that and it already has given me some sense of relief about certain things. I probably never would've found that sub if not for this comment. I sincerely appreciate it
Call police. That's what that regulation is made for.
Stop bothering OP even more with that ladies blackmailing!
That line is for people in real trouble themselves.
Not for manipulative ahole attentionseekers.
You can help him by helping him get help.
When he attempts or leaves notes like that, can you explain what your response is?
Do you call emergency when that happens?
If not, you absolutely need to.
Attempting like that is a cry for professional help which he desperately needs.
In another one of his posts OP mentions that he's 31, it was 6 months ago. Is this a troll post or did OP meet his wife when she was 19 and he was 27ish..?
I'm almost 22 and I'm more than comfortable dating someone up to 30 years old. It doesnt matter so much to me as long as they are a good person and we get on well.
Thanks. I hate being the no person but that is what I end up having to be.
You are not overreacting.
Kick this person to the curb.
You guys are in your twenties? Most men watch porn. You guys been together about a year. The porn thing should of been established long before now. Are you gonna stop porn altogether to stay with her? Or sneak it behind her back? This is apparently a boundary for her. What is her problem with it? If you stop porn I’d she gonna stop using sex toys or reading saucy literature or watching romantic films? If you watch pork and it’s part of your sexuality or has sissy’s been a oar of your orchard time I don’t think her asking to stop is fair. You guys new to talk it through and hopefully find a balance it compromise.
Everyone looks at a pretty girl. Means nothing. I’m a straight woman. And I find men don’t know they are doing it. Do you have to watch her feet while you walk around? Close your eyes everyone a pretty person walks by? This is unreasonable
You can’t perform in bed? All of men have a time when they cant get fully naked or erect or it won’t stay. So many reasons tired sickness dehydrated not long masterbated and also NO reason because it happens. She wouldn’t be bringing it up publicly. Or getting offended and shaming you.
You both sound immature for your ages. And giving tit for tat in an argument. And trying to win the argument Instead of trying for a resolution it’s been a shit throwing match.
Give her time. And Give yourself time more importantly you take the 2 weeks for you o. Do you miss her are you less stressed anxious when she isn’t around? Checking your internet history’s
You both have insecurities and it effecting the other.
What does she do in this 'relationship'?
You both don’t trust each other. Actions speak louder than words. Better to cut losses now before it gets worse and effects the kids.
You are 21 with unlimited options. Choose better. You can’t wish a good relationship, you select one.
That's the thing I don't want to but this dude keeps on pestering. If it isn't me he texts her lengthy paragraphs.
I say this as someone who has ADHD and is married to someone who also has ADHD, you are absolutely not overreacting or being insensitive. He’s using his neurodivergence as an excuse and it’s bull shit because he’s not doing anything to make it better. It’s not his fault he has ADHD, but it is his responsibility to manage. He needs therapy, he needs to stop smoking, and he more than likely needs meds, in fact he’s really just torturing himself without them; they can be such an unbelievable game changer. I have a brother who is like your boyfriend and managing him is a nightmare. He’s gotten better with age and he’s married to a saint, but none of us would even blink if she decided she couldn’t do it anymore.
This is so wholesome. Be mindful of period poop, it’s a thing! So get some extra TP and some extra pads. I like stocking up on the medium and slighly bigger ones for my guests.
Food wise? Idk. Ask her if she prefers some comfort food or junkfood. Or all of it.
I'm less concerned about his insecurities than that you find it nude to discuss without a “fight”. It is not normal, and must not be normalised, that issues can't be discussed without fighting.
This guy is a coward that can’t communicate directly. Just dump him. He is clearly not interested in keeping the relationship going.
I am so sorry. Do your egg and sperm donors realize how much they effed up when they chose friends over their own child? I can’t even imagine how awful this has been for you. As a parent, I am raging inside that they thought their actions were okay.
Unless OP is lying completely about what was said, no. The husbands words and behavior is completely unacceptable and shameful regardless of how awful or annoying OP might be.
If neither of you has decided in 6+ years that you DO want children, then please don't have them! You shouldn't have kids unless you're both excited about the prospect of having a family.
If either/both of you is against having kids, it's a NO. If either/both of you is merely indifferent about the subject of kids, it's a NO.
I would posit that 6+ years of indifference on both of your parts is proof that neither of you is invested enough in being a parent either now or later.
But he’s mostly not an awful person. He’s mostly my very favourite person.
The thing that gets me is that he says he “doesn’t want to be this person anymore but that (I) bring it out in him.” If it were just the latter then maybe therapy would work but I guess if his mindset is that it’s my fault then there’s no fixing it.
I just want to address the house affordability issue. Talk to your bank to make sure this strategy is sound, of course…but one way to keep the house, is after she moves out, immediately advertise rooms for rent (assuming you online in a 2 or 3 bedroom). Make sure that you vet them, check credit reports and proof of income, and have them sign a one-year lease. Once they do, you can re-finance the house and include your new rental income which will qualify you for a higher mortgage to buy out your spouse.
Honestly, why are you with this guy?
If you can't trust him, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship with him. His behavior – all the lies – is untrustworthy.
I'm friends with several of my exes, but I don't lie about it, I don't hide it, and I don't make up a bunch of crap. That's because we are friends. My husband knows them, has met most of them (one guy is halfway around the world…) and trusts us all to be responsible adults. My husband is friends with some of his exes, too – same deal. We don't have to lie or hide anything because there's nothing to hide.
Your man is doing the opposite.
He's not going to change. He hasn't done so yet, and it's highly unlikely that he has any plans to do anything different in the future. He is showing you exactly who he is.
It's up to you what you decide to do about it.
You can continue on as you are going – snooping, crying, and feeding into your jealousy. It will be more of the same, if you are not willing to change something. You can't change him, so you will have to change yourself. You can want to stay with him all you like, but you have no power to change his behavior.
I'd suggest starting with therapy. That can help in a lot of ways. You can learn coping skills to help you deal with emotional distress. You can learn how to be more independent so that his emotional affair bothers you less. You can work out with your therapist is you want to stay or leave, and how to process what that would do to your life.
I'm sorry but it sounds like your bf is a screw up.
Talk to a lawyer. You're not happy. He's controlling. He cheated on you a bunch of time. Now he's falsely accusing you of cheating on him. He is angry that you are becoming more independent. He wants to control you. Do you want your kids to grow up and be like him? Or do you want them to think it's okay to be treated like this by their future partners? I grew up hearing my parents scream at each other but they never divorced. It's left me messed up when it comes to relationships.
You deserve better. Ok, I'm old…I remember being your age, and I'm going to share a few things that I wish I knew then. Think about them and see if anything fits.
It's not a good relationship if the relationship isn't good. And that means good for both people, the majority of the time. Yeah, rough times and bad feelings can happen in the best relationship, but if the bad days are taking over that's important. Basically, if he's an AH, but he's nice “sometimes”, that relationship is like a chocolate cake with a ton of green peppers baked in. I felt so I secure because of the bad things that I couldn't even enjoy the good ones (because the bad was just lurking…). That's not a good relationship.
Being by myself was better than being in a bad relationship. That one's naked, but it's true. I've come to realize that being lonely without a relationship hurts a lot less than being lonely in a relationship.
When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. They may say all the right things (like “I love you”) but watch their behavior. On the whole, are they acting with love and care, or are they acting like an AH? Believe your eyes, and your gut – they are more honest that your ears or your heart.
You can't ever change anyone else. You can only change yourself. You can change how you react to them. You can change how much you rely on them. You can even change how you feel about them. But you can never change how they choose to behave.
And here's the oldster in me talking…you can and will find other people. You are young, and you have all your life to meet all sorts of people. You can meet someone who respects you. You can meet someone who loves you. You can meet someone who can complete your life in ways you can't even imagine right now! You are going to learn and grow and change, and what you want in a relationship is going to grow and change with you!
I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that every time I held on to someone who treated me badly, the only one who was hurt was myself. You don't deserve to be hurt.
.
Why do you think this is a major red flag as opposed to a normal one?
Haha, it is like a superpower! Arousal has a huge psychological component.
I was only 14 when I met a French exchange school in our school French club. He kissed me while walking me home one day, first on the lips and then on my neck. It was like a charge of lightning going from my neck to my vagina. It was the first time anything like that ever happened. We didn't continue right there on the sidewalk and luckily he went back to France before I had an orgasm that way.
But I did think his neck kisses had a superpower.
I hate to say it, but you are enabling a bad situation for that child by paying for their care. You're inadvertently hiding the fact that their dad really doesn't care about them, and helping the dad avoid the consequences of his neglect, all while hitting yourself financially. It will suck to be that kid and the kid's mother, but in the long run, it might be better for them, emotionally at least, in the long run.
And if no one has dropped the term “hobosexual” yet, here it is. It's worth understanding.
Do you think he’s purposely making things harder so you’ll continue to stay a SAHM? He gets off at 11PM currently, what time does he go to bed? What time do the kids wake up in the morning?
Yes, both of us are at fault. I wish we could work on it together but I'm not sure if it's too late. Do breaks ever work in your opinion? I asked her the same thing and she said her and her ex took one and it helped them.
I'm going with the former, here. It sounds like, from reading this, he was looking for a way out, and picked a ridiculous issue to throw a fit over. If OP has a history of him blowing up over the smallest things, it would either mean he has serious anger issues, or he lacks the backbone to just break up with her and he's looking to establish a pattern to go, “Look! See? That's why I'm breaking up with you.” I mean, it could just as easily be – and I know this makes me sound like an A hole – that OP has a history of making small mistakes all the time and is a very very clumsy person, but I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt that's not at all the case.
Haha my bf and I have this problem. I have Raynauds on my hands and feet so there’s definitely a medical reasoning behind it for me. And especially when I haven’t eaten well that day (calorie deficit).
What we do is, after lovemaking etc, afterwards I give him five or ten minutes and then I put one leg against him until he says he’s ready for a hug. Then one of us gets too warm and we let each other go until he whines for me to be the big spoon at around 2 or 3 in the morning.
We open and close our balcony window so we don’t have to use a fan (I hate those. I’m European – just give me natural air through an open window).
So this works for us. We have a timeframe of a certain amount of minutes and then we can touch each other.
This works better in the winter than it does in the summer. In the summer we are naked all the time and even I don’t want to be touched haha
Well that’s your opinion and I know in my head I am over it so thanks for your insight. ??
Well that’s your opinion and I know in my head I am over it so thanks for your insight. ??
I don’t think she is an appropriate friend for you. Friends shouldn’t say that they would be a better partner than your spouse.
That’s how I was introduced to women. That’s the only way I have been able to connect. I don’t want to reject her in person and make her feel bad I completely understand that I don’t. I have respected her boundaries and been honest the whole time and therapy isn’t for everyone. My last friend was an addict and she just used me I’m use to being everyone else’s tools and I’m trying to help gain perspective on how to approach it but this just wasn’t it. I don’t want just sex. I want more then that but I haven’t seen too many photos of her because my phone is fucked
Why did you go through his stuff and breach his privacy when he trusted you to be at his place by yourself?
That isn't how it reads. Also, sometimes people make jokes when they are uncomfortable, and sometimes when people make jokes like that it stops being funny after a while.
So in your current AND previous relationship you felt this way. Why are you dating people that you think don’t like you
How do I squash that?
I’d be rethinking that kid with him
I’m in the same boat. I was quite young, but learned a lot from the experience and would never make the same mistake again.
Not yet, gonna do it sometimes this week. Will update. Tbh I think she will appreciate it regardless (as I know her personality)
Uh…. what did I just read?
“I just think there's always a way through something if you care enough.”
Think again, OP. Because by your own logic his behavior means, that…
… “he doesn't care enough to find avway through.” He thought you were guillible enough to take him in again at low inconvenience.
Amd now finds he has actually to bend over backwards to make xou trust him again.
And feels, he totally can't be bothered with that.
A man who really WANTS a chance to put things right will use it.
Not find excuses to not to.
You made a mistake. You two made up and moved forward.
She made a mistake… time to make up and move forward.
If it happens again? Then you have bigger problems. Seems only fair that you can forgive something like this after she forgave you.
The only reason I would say not to do so is if in some way you think she did this as revenge… as that's a bit of a power move and would say she hadn't really forgiven you for the first time.
But that's for you to decide.
Get yourself fucking tested ASAP
Begging him for not to cheat?!?! Nena arranca
Thank you!
I once had a guy I had been dating a few months turn up at my house the day before my birthday with a cake, party hats and streamers. I thought it was the most romantic thing as it was so unexpected; anyway, we woke up the next day (my birthday) and he tells me that he's ending things, it's not me, it's him, yadadada. A week or so later I get a text from him “checking in” and seeing if I would like to be friends. When I said no he berated me. (I'm sure he was just trying to add me to his FWB list).
The point of that tragic ramble was to explain that break ups can seem to happen completely out of the blue, and the dumper will say all sorts of crap to make the whole experience easier. It sucks but it will do you no good dwelling on it. Take a deep breath and let it go! You will be fine soon, I promise.
That’s possible thank you for your advice
I know. I don’t really understand why everyone seems to be sending naked pictures of themselves. Personally, I would never. Just put on some sexy lingerie and surprise them when they get home. Send some sexually suggestive texts during the day to amp up the anticipation. Who wants hot pictures of themselves potentially floating around with people they barely trust?
Oh, it's actually insane. I was so blessed to have incredible friends in high school and then I got to college and all of these friends were just so much work. I think the key thing, at least in my experience, is setting up clear boundaries and sticking to them
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I don’t know why I had the urge to check on his phone thoroughly even if he’s giving me consent to access it and telling me, “I’m not hiding anything”.
I found on his Youtube history the videos he watched. Consistently a certain video of sexy girl compilation from tiktok. Top famous girls, new influencers, and youtube series of “what not to ask to an escort”. (This bothers me a fckn lot)
Now, I know the reason why he’s not asking to see my armpits anymore bcs he’s been well satisfied with the videos he watches. (his fetish btw)
AND ALSO, a video on how to get a girl to like you. like WTF? He told me he watched that when I got mad at him. Like how tf could a man think his gf whose been begging him not to cheat won’t like him or wont have feelings for him.
I’ve addressed to him that the sexy girls he follows on his social media bothers me a lot and asked him to stop following them bcs it hurts my feelings. His solution? “deleting his IG” and “deactivating his fb account”
Here I thought, we’ve had solved our issues but he’s been giving himself a lot of temptations. Tomorrow morning, I’m going to leave right away and imma say my last goodbyes to his grandma for taking care of me and for cooking my favorite meals.
rn he’s sitting across me babbling about his excuses I ain’t interested on hearing. I felt so disrespected
I don’t know if this is cheating but srsly i don’t think this is right.
He’s applying for a job in NZ and will move to his parents. idk if this is his preparation for possible LDR that he’s gonna resort to pay women to have sex with him. I’m just disgusted
Reddit tends to hate it when I say this but fuck it – I’m friends with most of my ex’s, and not once has it ever been any more than that post breakup. Everyone is allowed to have preferences but I’ve always had the view that if a new partner wants me to end a pre existing friendship because of unfounded insecurities rather than working on those insecurities themselves, they’re not the person for me
Definitely the right call, controlling and wanting to isolate you, don't EVER allow that to happen with ANYONE, it happened to me when I was much younger and super naive, it was a gradual thing so being young and naive I never saw it happening but it did and I'm lucky I finally got out. Good for you for seeing it while it was happening.
You can't marry someone hoping they will change. What if we reframe this issue? Don't come at it as him not giving you what you need. It is y'all facing this obstacle together.
Let's say the obstacle is that y'all are not receiving what you believe you need in the relationship. You want flowers, cards, dates, a little romance. Reasonable. I don't know what he wants, and I'm not sure you do either. No worries. It's a process.
Start by identifying how you each feel love. I recommend figuring out how you rank with love languages. I'll use my husband and I as an example. My husband's primary love languages are Acts of Service and Physical Affection. Mine are Words of Affirmation and Gifts. So, we don't have overlap here. Now, we tend to show love to someone the way we want to receive it, so I get my husband peanut M&Ms or sparkling water or something he likes at the store when I go. I also tell him that I love him and tell him things I admire about him. In return, he gives little touches and likes doing things together or tandem play.
I'm not getting love poems or amazing compliments. He isn't that person, but I have to look at other ways he shows love, and be willing to say, “Hey, I really appreciate compliments.” Usually, his way of showing love is “Do you need anything while I'm on my way home? Do you want me to start the kettle for tea?” For us, this works. You have to decide what works for you.
What if y'all have a date night twice a month? He plans one, you plan the other. When it's your date to plan, bring him a little gift he likes. IDK what he likes. A book? A snack? A special drink? Whatever he likes, you give him a small gift on date night. Set that as the expectation. You can even do one date a month and alternate months if that works better. Is it spontaneous? No, but it's still a date with set guidelines where you are both actively working together on the relationship.
Will this work? Honestly, I don't know. If it doesn't, or he isn't willing to try, then I would recommend marriage counseling. If not, consider if you are willing to online the rest of your life like this.
If she is recording sexually suggestive videos and sending them to another guy, I’d consider that cheating. You need to directly confront her about this.
He says that he thinks about things for us to do, but he never puts them into action or plans them out. Or I’ll give him an idea or tell him to do something like going to an art exhibit/show and he says that he tries really naked to make sure that we go, but I’m not sure what is difficult about that.
I asked him why it’s hot for him and he says it’s because growing up he didn’t have a good representation of romance? But I feel like that’s an excuse when he’s been in multiple other relationships before me and the one right before ours made him “not want to be romantic anymore”.
At the beginning of our relationship I did romantic things like write him love letters and put them on his desk and would make him breakfast/dinner so he could eat before/after work and that was never reciprocated.
I told him multiple times on different occasions what I wanted and he always says he’s trying but it never comes through.
It isn’t developmentally appropriate to not have a “nest” at 13. My guess is some of that anxiety you feelcomes from not having a strong home base and support system during your teen years.
Your mom sounds very flighty. I don’t think you are going to get what you need out of that relationship. Picking you up and barely talking to you is weird. Planning a birthday party for you with her friends is weird. I would ask her if you could just do dinner together if that’s what you prefer.
As far as exploring on your own goes, I think you need to just go for it. Choose one short outing a day and make them longer every few days. It just takes practice.
You were married, right?
Why would you Mother confide this unless it 100% “wasn't” true? What on earth made you think it was a confession not an explanation of your fathers unreasonable behavior?
She is just explaining why she is divorcing your dad. Get a test yourself by all means but don't tell that shit to your siblings unless you have a genuine reason to.
Are you neurdivergent because your emotional intelligence seems way off?
Just as my last comment said. She knows the situation and she knows the probabilities. She should. It be surprised that you are concerned/jealous. There’s literally no other way to feel about this situation.
Kinda sexist for her to assume just guys are like this. If she was a guy she’d deal with it on the other end as well.
Depends on circumstances of course, but when ex & I separated we did week-about shared care. That way we both got a 'week off' to recharge which meant we were able to give the kids 100% during our 'week on'.
The week off allowed us to have our own social lives &, in my case, let me work late many nights to pay down a huge pile of debt too.
As both parents gave 50% of the childcare there was no child maintenance either way, but we were both entitled to benefits – for ease of paperwork we simply claimed for one child each.
Most importantly the kids loved it. They saw both parents equally, had their own rooms at both houses, & both houses were close enough they could go to the the same school, after-school clubs, keep the same friends groups, & maintained the vast majority of their pre-separation routines too.
You mean commodities in the US don'tt even have a price properly printed nowadays on the packaging?
That country truly is so behind now it's crazy.
I mean, as much as it sucks to hear as a woman who has had and currently has male friends– there are WAY too many that would sleep with me, if given the chance. They don't actively seek it out. We don't talk about it. They don't make moves or act inappropriately, BUT they would get it on if they thought i was interested. That's not why, or at least that's not the only reason why we're friends, but it does influence it somewhat, i think. There are times, in the past when we've all been drunk together, that they've (disappointingly) made it known. It kinda sours the friendship for me… and most women, I'm sure. Because 95% of the time, I'm not interested. If i was, we likely would already be dating. I'm not one to beat around the bush. If i like you, you know.
It sucks that we can't just be platonic. But i have had a few friendships with men that actually were fully platonic, it's just rare. Why? Idk… perhaps because men are programmed to keep potential mates close…? But maybe because they don't act on it, and remain respectful friends we're able to overlook it with a good amount of male friends. But I've been in awkward situations enough with them that i don't hang out with men too often without my partner, and when i do, it's with someone who we both know well.
It IS hurtful, because why the fuck can't we just be friends? Like, actual friends… that you wouldn't sleep with? Would we even be friends if that wasn't in the back of your mind– the “maybe, just maaaayyybe one day, when she's not dating anyone”?
Dude no 30 year old is friends with a teenager for no reason.. that friendship is so inappropriate. I'm 29 i have zero in common with someone 10 years younger than me!
Walking away from an unhealthy relationship is not ‘quitting’. Hardships in healthy relationships include illness, financial problems, job loss – outside stressors that you face as a couple.
Cheating is an abusive action that one partner takes against another, and along with emotional, financial or physical abuse, is a dealbreaker.
You're boyfriend is abusive and you are an abuser. What is this? A contest on who sucks the most?
You're both terrible people.
Running around? No
Who cares? A lot of people seem to think it's normal to scream at others, doesn't mean that it is.
No, you're not cold hearted. You don't owe anyone anything simply because they're related to you. Relatives do not get a free pass to be abusive, shitty people.
Moving forward, for peace of mind, I would block him and tell your mom (and anyone else relaying messages) that you are no contact with him and to please respect your wishes/boundaries.
Telling you she loved you before you had been on a date sure sounds like a drunk text to me!
Let P go, so she can actually find someone who truly loves her.
He absolutely would cause nothing but problems.
Her parents are probably too easy going because OP is not having high enough expectations for him and they raised her. This should have been a deal breaker. Especially, after the first breakup.
Yes she broke the rules, but you are a hypocrite as you broke the unwritten rules for a relationship and cheated.
Just end the relationship already. Your GF deserves to be with someone better than you.
I've mentioned this a few times in the comments but I may just make an edit to the post bc there r so many comments lol His dad is a power plant operator. It's a manual labor job and requires long hours and not alot of days off but great money. Being a single parent didn't put much of a strain on their family bc I think the mom didn't work even when she was around,he was always the single bread winner He could always pay for his kids but struggled to be there for them bc of long hrs Sry if this is kinda confusing I'm not an expert on the job but lmk if ur still confused
His entire history of posts is somewhat disturbing.
he does really care for me, i’m lucky to have him. thanks for the comment!
Dude, you’re the BF image she shows her parents. She tells them that she’s staying over at your house but really goes to this 30 year old dude’s house. If she did not have a boyfriend to cover for her true actions her parents would not let her go over there. I guarantee you that her parents do not know that she is up to this. Maybe she’s in college or something but either way, I doubt her family is aware of this dude.
You prob need to break up with her. If I am wrong then there has to be a serious conversation where you say you cannot be with her if she continues to get drunk at this dudes house and sleep in his bed every weekend. Lmfao! It sounds so ridiculous. If she can’t stop that then what I said above is true and you’re just a cover for her. Break it off if you can’t deal with her actions. You’re still so young. Find a girl that actually wants to be with you my guy
Do you really want this for yourself?
He’s a 25 year old man. What’s stopping him from leaving?
Sorry but we both agreed to that during the start of our relationship. We don't like people flirting around us so we said to each other not to let other touch us
thank you so much! i will be direct. really appreciate the help here.
thank you so much! i will be direct. really appreciate the help here.
thank you so much! i will be direct. really appreciate the help here.
Steve is mostly an intelligent and reasonable guy
Steve is like a fairly decent glass of wine with one small problem . . . there's a turd floating in it. Your boyfriend is telling you, “Hey, just ignore that little piece of shit in the glass. I just drink around it, and I can hardly tell it's there. It's really good wine.”
You are drinking it, right along with your boyfriend.
Steve needs your boyfriend's rent money and everything else your boyfriend does to increase Steve's equity in his house. If he can get you out of the picture, he keeps his rent-paying tenant who feeds his ego and his bank acvount.
To put it more plainly: Your boyfriend is in a one-sided long-time bromance relationship with Steve, who is using him and taking advantage of your boyfriends feelings for Steve.
Steve knows you are a threat to his financial security, and he resents the fuck out of you showing up and screwing up his sweet arrangement taking advantage of his tenant.
You aren't going to win this. Your boyfriend has too much emotional attachment to Steve to dump him for you, and Steve has too much to lose by letting him go.
You know if Steve straight-up said to your bf, “Hey, I really need you to stay with me so I can keep the house. I want you here. My kids would miss you. Please don't go,” your boyfriend would stay right there.
Support? You mean free babysitting?
You really shouldn't count on that, no matter which set of grands you online near.
Dude, you're the one using present tense… So you can take a joke about your junk, but not your beard?
Doesn’t sound like this relationship is making you happy. If you tried talking to him and he still makes no effort to listen or change, then maybe it’s time to let go. You are young. You will find someone who prioritizes you, likes spending time with you, and wants to include you. Don’t waste your time on people who make you feel anything other than happy.
Block her and every person that may post her. Out of sight out of mind. After that, hit the gym, hang with friends and focus on enjoying yourself. The hurt is gonna continue to come in waves but with time the waves will spread out further and further and get smaller and smaller. Stay strong brother.
Sorry for being a human with emotions who’s going thru shit. Thanks for the great advice.
so did you just skip the entire part where his friends literally showed her screenshots from when he texted them after their first date saying “i actually found her and the plan is going perfectly” ?? ?
maybe check your reading comprehension before making self righteous remarks about ‘redditors’
It's not ABC or D It's not you An it's not her It's not condom or lube
SO WHAT IS IT? either YOU are the problem or SHE is the problem Everything everyone has said/suggested you've shut down So the only thing left is that she's also sleeping with someone else an getting it from THEM since it's not you or her
Either an official Sugar Daddy, or an unofficial Sugar Daddy. The difference is if the gifts/money are explicit and negotiated or if he’s just a generous friend. And if it’s unofficial she might be hoping she eventually gets promoted to official girlfriend or wife. If he’s poor, then she’s just acting out her daddy issues or isn’t into you.
The only proper thing to say in this situation is …. Good Bye!
Oh no. How sad. She definitely needs to get out now.
Op, leave him.
its not even worth ur time or energy to go back and forth on this. u are so young too. go online ur life and u will find someone so much better and who will treat u so much better.
just leave him and keep it pushing. please trust us. its not even worth ur time.
You are correct. The issue is a feel like it was a betrayal and violation of my trust. I’m not sure why I even worded it that way but I can’t edit the title.
You’ve given me a lot to think about, thank you.
Lol. So he wants access to your money while at the same time depriving you of your legal rights? Is this a troll?
Buddy, she tells you she isn’t ready for a relationship then starts dating someone else.
We have a phrase for that. It’s “letting them down easy”. She’s not into you, she’s not going to date you.
C’mon man
she don't want to date you
get over it
Then use that fear in reverse and tell him it’s important and it does make you second guess his feelings.
That puking and refusing responsibility chapter certainly is a clear case! Not sure any friendship can survive that.
I get the feeling with OP’s friends that most of his interactions with his friends are good, but this one thing – out of character but for interference from the other woman – puts it all in the grey area.
They might not have experience yet to realise what is really going on, and he might not know how to address it to his friends in a way that doesn’t feed right back in to her bullying.
Yeah I know. Sorry about that but thank you for your advice I was thinking the same thing, but I just wanted another person opinion and it wasn’t one-sided. We both definitely liked each other. She gave a lot of signs that she did.
Sounds like he was interested in someone, wanted to cheat on you without consequences, the person rejected him and now he's feeling defeated and thinking he can crawl back into your life easily. Don't give him your time and attention. He had you and took your love for granted. It's time to move on.
People have already corrected you on the custody thing, but otherwise, you’re mostly right. The only benefits otherwise unavailable to unmarried couples are those involving health insurance and taxes.
My partner and I went the contract way, because I do t want to get married, and my partner is indifferent either way. So we’ve taken care of all that.
We don’t and won’t have kids though either, which makes things less complicated.
On the other hand, while we have legal rights, we have learned that it is far more annoying to establish that with a hospital in the event of an emergency than if we were just husband/wife.
If this is the second relationship loss that you think was caused by your anxiety, isn’t therapy worth a try?
I was functional too when I was your age and thought I was fine. Years later I went through a breakup that absolutely broke me and finally went to therapy. I was then diagnosed with CPTSD (from the abuse of my dad) and while it isn’t all wine and roses, my life is so much better now.
Seems like she has checked out of the relationship and just doesn’t have the balls to breakup with you. Hence why she suggested sleeping with other ppl. She’s no longer happy having you as her partner and wants a free pass to have sex with other ppl. Sorry OP, I think ur relationship is over. Time to move on. U guys started dating quite young…so my guess is she’s regretting she didn’t explore online more when she was younger so now she does…and that involves sleeping with other ppl
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My boyfriend (19 M) took several pictures of me (20 F) naked without telling me and once i knew it i said i was felling uncomfortable about that. He told me that taking hot picture without necessarily telling me is normal in a relationship and I am the one being wrong and weird. What should I say ?
My mother was 24, and my dad was 48, they were madly in love until he died at 84. So it's possible to find your forever person at any time with whatever age differences there are. I also know a couple that is still going strong 40 years later, and he was my classmate, and she was my other classmate's mother. They work out really well. So I am completely open to age differences as long as there is no power imbalance. Both relationships I wrote about, there wasn't one.
He has been avoiding you for a year and using work as an excuse. Have some self respect and thank God the trash has taken it’s self out. Try holding on to the house even if you have to rent out rooms.
Oh hey it's the red flag parade! Fun!
Do NOT sign a lease with her. Don’t do it.
Lol
A disagreement on Ukraine does not mean you can’t be together. Your former partner saying “I no longer want to be in a relationship with you” absolutely means you cannot be in a relationship together.
CalculatedTrees,
You need to be willing to put in the work to learn, or at least willing to use information given to you.
This is info available and verifiable on google.
You seem to be unwilling to believe the evidence you have seen with your own eyes. You literally saw the Inter matches.
You have been handed facts about how Tinder works.
You saw the tinder match notice with your own eyes.
I’m sorry your BF is a liar. I at sorry that you are hurt. The next step is yours, your internet friends have solved this mystery. If at this point you do not know, you are willfully choosing to be cheated on it.
He's having anger episodes and punching things, but you are abusive for not cleaning up after him when he already told you to do it?
The good news is that he's sparing you having wasted any more of your time on someone who doesn't appreciate you as a person.
Depression isn't an excuse to have emotional affairs. He's making choices.
Good God. Learn to use paragraphs. Not gonna even try to read this wall of text.
You don't even know if the husband's done anything, and I think OP would mention it if their dad was shitty to their mother. Calm the hell down and stop screaming assumptions and saying that the mother's cheating is justified because she “deserves to be loved.”
The ladies like confidence man. If you like her, ask her on a real date and don’t be ambiguous about what it is.
My boyfriend doesn't like confrontation
But he feels perfectly comfortable confronting you about your language?
Sounds more like he doesn't care that Steve uses the word. At no point do you say or indicate that he is actually uncomfortable with the n-word. Is he?
Can I ask how long you've been together? I ask because if he's been alone a long time before you, he might be a bit set in his ways and change is'nt always easy, even if its for the better.
Wtf that’s exactly what is supposed to happen. What does he think sex is supposed to feel like?
Leave while you still can!
He said his previous partners had more “grip” so he stays naked longer
He has continually blocked her and unblocked her behind your back. He's lied to you repeatedly.
That's a relationship ending red flag right there.
Everything else just emphasizes how toxic he is.
Get out.
Get a financial planner and stop discussing your business with them. When you tell folks your business they think it’s an invite to be in your business.
Ask him what he's into. Communicate. Don't assume. Everyone is different.
Agreed, buddy take some time to settle your affairs in order and take it one day at a time…. my gal left me after seven years… I posted on here to some avail… mostly everyone jumped down my throat because I didn't put any other context, but anyways take some time for yourself, and work on you.. if she wasn't willing to go through this difficult time with you, then why would she once and if things got more difficult. Why would you want someone who bailed on you.
I have tried to talk to her about this in a friendly way so many times, and whenever I bring it up she just makes up excuses (work, lack of time..) and confirms that she would really love to spend more time together and that I am her only true friend… Etc.
One funny thing that recently happened: she left the city for the weekend, and she was constantly calling me on the phone telling me that she misses me. (We literally don't meet each other for like 2 weeks straight or more while we online in the same small city, but when she's away for the weekend she suddenly misses me)
I think you're right, I have to close the door emotionally, and I have already started doing that. Now I don't feel as close to her as I used to.
Why do you say she lacks a solid identity?
While she may very well just have been talking to the guy she clearly have one set of rules for you and another for herself. She both need to dump her own jealousy and realise in inappropriateness of the situation she was in.
If she cannot do that then there is no way forward.
If you want a vrigin then date a virgin.
This!
Go by what she DOES. Not by what she says!
So you won't lose time anymore.
But consider if your nerves can stand it to be with someone on such a different level of “ambition” for herself.
You have been in that for 4 years already.
Do you need more to comprehend?
You’re right, it definitely doesn’t mean the vagina itself is tighter or the muscles are stronger. It just causes a different sensation and may cause more stimulation, especially if the pudendum/labia majora store more fat. That might make penetration feel more “snug” but it doesn’t mean the vaginal muscles are necessarily strong or tight. I hope that makes sense!
She was scared to tell you, by telling you she showed she care about you. Ask her if she is hiding anything else from you, 1 year is nothing
STI tests immediately and meet with a divorce lawyer to talk about options.
Dont know where you got that but this comments a miss
Okay dokey enjoy ruining lives. ?
I met her well after she turned 18? it’s not like I knew her before that and waited
If you're not sure whether you're happy in the situation then 100% do not bring a child into it
TBH I don't see this as such a big deal. She is 18 and insecure that could be a problem or a temporary immaturity. I did similar when I was that age. Unless she is lying about other things and or just really acting like a teenager for me this would not be much of an issue.
Now, that's weird.
Where do you get from, that she cheated?
You just relayed the thread on itself to prove it was HER fault.
Which is just as stupid as saying it is his fault.
Where I DIDN'T say “whose fault”.
But what may have been the root cause of her having the ick. But it may even be more complicated than that. Who knows.
Once trust is gone the relationship is ruined. Only thing left is your exit strategy.
I mean if someone's willing to lie to you once how do you know they're telling the truth about anything else? She tells you she was grocery shopping but really she went out to see a friend. Now when she's grocery shopping is she? It's naked to tell if someone's a pathological liar but it's pretty easy to see that once someone is caught in a lie there's a big chance they're just going to lie again.(and it's a good chance they're a pathological liar)
At first I said I’ll just pretend that he died lol it did kind of help. Seeing him and looking him in the eyes is another story. 3 months can come anytime now.
This is brilliant
Thank you for being honest but kind stranger, I appreciate it 🙂
Dump him, if you marry this guy you won’t be able to have any friends or make any moves without him glued to your side. He’ll isolate you because he”loves” you so much. I think he’s trying to get you pregnant ( no BC is 100%) so he can lock you down. Dump him.
Sterilization, depending on where you online, can be difficult to get. Especially if you're in your 20's and haven't already had kids.
Yeah….
•Anti-trans •Doesn’t respect boundaries •Dating way outside of appropriate age range •Isn’t interested in OP’s actual feelings •Ableist
But hey, he cooks!
Listen to the podcast “something was wrong” and trust your gut. This guy is off and you can feel it. End it now.
We are in a LDR. Have only been dating 9 month. Very in love but last two months some fighting and that’s when it happened.
Lol teenagers dude. Tf has time for this childish bullshit. The worst part is OP couldve actually had a conversation with her bf like an adult and told him she was upset. But no she went it
Ok
Ye
Fine
And is now upset. Tf… jesus i wonder if i was like this too.. ?
I thank you for you answer and perspective and I wonder If there's a middle ground between my limits and her limits. Do I have the right to ask for her not disclose many details if I let It go?
Yeah I don’t see any either
This is a very important question and also how will you be able to afford rent if he leaves?
She’s probably not interested in sex. Did you ask her why?
I'm American, not sure we have set standard cultural norms for this
So if a woman uses a dog whistle to communicate with a man and the man doesn't respond, what is the solution? Keep blowing on the dog whistle or learn to communicate properly?
6 minutes and 3 iterations of the same question being dodged. The question is really how many dedicated hours are you spending with your friend vs dedicated hours with your significant other (coexisting in the same apartment is not the same thing).
ETA and by “you” I meant OP
I am 53(m) years old. I've been married (legally) 3 times and non-legally (just a ceremony) twice. First time I was 21 (married one year then annulled because she literally assaulted me when I found out she was cheating), 30 (had a kid, married 13 years, again, cheater), then at 46 (1 yr, she was abusive and had mental issues, long story). In no situation did being married help me at all…in fact I paid spousal support only because I was a married.
Non-legally is the way to go. I see no reason anymore to go any other way. I had a ceremonial marriage in Venice back in September – and I'm perfectly happy. We don't have children together, never will. We both have wills and are on accounts together.
From my perspective, just because he's lying about his mom doesn't mean he doesn't believe in marriage, per-se. It's his mom. He may be embarrassed or not happy with the situation.
I get cynicism but maybe he's talking marriage because he does want to commit long term. And why would that be a bad thing? Maybe he wants a kid? You guys are at that age where it's an important question. Maybe his values aren't exactly the same as yours, but ultimately… do you love him? Is he kind to you? That's what matters. You don't have to mate for life, and there is an in-between. I call my mate my wife because it's something we defined, not the state…and that seems more important to me.
Apologized for missing the “My comment is for entertainment purposes only.” vibe.
What a sentence! Even with context
you sure like to type a lot to try and change other peoples minds. older teenagers are sexual beings which is why there are laws in place to protect them from predators. stop responding to me jfc you're annoying
Oh she's definitely attractive, like a solid 8/10 and down to sleep with her, just the guilt for some reason for my ex is holding me back a bit
I always thought rebounding would hurt you more?
I’m not saying that it’s her. I literally said it’s because my dick is skinny.
You have a bf problem.
its on him to set proper boundaries and enforce them.
if he isn't, then you need to ask yourself why not, and if you are comfortable with it. if not, break up.
Theoretically, you COULD put the “blame” on you and say “hey I have a really skinny dick so I was thinking maybe you could do some kegels?”
However there are two issues with this:
Kegels increase the strength of the pelvic floor muscles. When the vagina is aroused, it’s relaxed. So any increased muscle tone isn’t relevant during sex. Kegels may increase the strength of her orgasm or strength of contractions during orgasm, but not much during sex.
Even if the above wasn’t the case, and you’re putting the onus on your skinny dick- she will still forever have in her mind that you actually don’t enjoy the way you fit inside her. So I think it will still make her feel like she’s “too big”.
Some better options are finding positions and angles where it feels tighter for you, or as the others said you can wear a sleeve – you’ll still have sensation with it.
I’m sorry is there a place that it’s illegal to TALK to someone underage? If that’s the case I gotta quit my job then. Can’t be talking to the kids ?
Ahhh 2 in the morning after a bar… trust your gut brother.
Thank you so much. Yes, I’m very sure he has PTSD from the other things he experienced as a teen etc. I really think that he’s turned to porn for everything rather than someone because he never felt like he had support if that makes sense. I appreciate the book recommendation!
100% something’s going to happen….best advice I can give is break it off or get comfortable with the idea they could have slept together and you will never know.
Thank you for your answer.
It's kinda difficult to schedule with a 4 year old kid… It's not their mom asking, it's probably the kid saying “tonight I want OP bringing me to bed”.
but I'm too stupid to accept it and a part of me still can't get over not being with her.
Woah woah woah woah woah.
You are absolutely not in the wrong here and you are definitely not stupid. Your feelings make perfect sense. She is asking you to just put those feelings on hold, put yourself in purgatory for an indeterminant amount of time while she pretends to work her shit out knowing that even if she does there is as good a chance she turns you down again anyway. Like lets be real: for a girl that is trying to argue she cares for you her selfishness is honestly staggering and you are being put through a woodchipper because of it.
Her being nice and open and whatever doesn't make this a less awkward situation. What she is asking for is in my eyes cruel and inevitably leads to you being self conscious and ripping yourself to pieces. If she has problems to deal with she needs to go do that, how dare she ask you to put your life on hold for that.
I think that she thinks any of this is okay shows just how far she has to go. You can't keep hurting yourself for her. Worse, at this rate you will burn out and when you do it is likely you will do and say things you will hate yourself for. Don't let it come to that, you have to be realistic in a way she apparently can't be.
You jsut know she won't cheat because you are ..a telepath??
She really cries alot and is very emotional. I try my best to calm her down whenever she cries and when she calms down, I explain to her what she had done wrongly in a caring way and she will just keep on saying sorry to me
Seems kind of counter intuitive to be doing BDSM “scenes” while you have trauma and are being triggered in relation to sex and sexual acts.
About 8 months
lmaaao that is absolutely ridiculous of him to expect you to pay him back for the entire relationship ? I’m sorry you’re going through a breakup but this guy sounds like a joke
I'm so sorry, sweet heart, nobody can understand the powerlessness that comes with being abused and how much that person takes from us. I'm glad you were able to heal your heart and find your self-worth. These are why places like juvie and prison exist, unfortunately, among the other humanity's atrocities. Knowing it's not your fault and not everyone is out to get you and harm you is important to find your way back to a happy, healthy, normal life.
Dwelling on the people that hurt us allows them to keep hurting us and I say, fuck them, let God & the justice system do their jobs and I'm gonna do me, you know? If a person can't, that's ok too, just hurts more and longer, but it's your life, and nobody can tell you how to cope. I'd never say abuse is OK by anybody, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen, and people don't have to learn to online knowing the dark sides of humanity.
It’s not the same as the real thing. It’s a workaround that can hopefully take some of the pressure to perform off of him so that he can start relaxing and enjoying sex. Anxiety is hell on arousal.
Yeah i prefer everyone to be stuck up and super super professional. Living your life should be serious stuff!
Dude, no one keeps a persons number or accepts gifts from them if they were sexually assaulted by them, she's lying and by making herself out to be the victim has got you eating out of her hands. smh
Very very bad take.
The lack of sensibility of some commenters is really stunning!
Are you wanting this because all your friends expect it? Here's a suggestion. Ask if he would get you a ring with a lab-created stone or even a cubic zirconium, and then replace it later on when your finances are a little more secure. He will probably think that is reasonable.
You need to understand that the whole world is brainwashed by the diamond industry's marketing campaign telling young people the ring should cost three times his monthly salary. That's just a sales technique to separate people from their money. Try to fight against the sales pressure!
Op please pay attention to this advice?
Op please pay attention to this advice?
Insights*
Just shoot your shot. Why wonder about it? It’s not like you not reaching out is stopping you from thinking about him. If you get rejected at least you know and you can unfollow him and move on. But life is too short to wonder about things that you potentially have the capacity to change.
Creeps are creeps. I understand what you’re trying to say but this man very clearly knew he was not supposed to say those things, he did it when she was alone.
Well have you seen how coffee, chocolate, avocados, t-shirts, shoes, and so on are made?
NOTHING. Block that person!
If he committed crimes and you DO have proof: report to the authorities.
my brother in law is like this and its so draining to have a conversation sometimes. i can't imagine what my sister is going through. he has to be right all the time. or he finds a way to make her doubt her opinions. even regarding things he has no clue about, like women's problems. its extremely frustrating.
he's 28, you aren't gonna change him by talking to him. rn he has this high ground over you and thinks he's better than you in every way that even the slightest reason for you to think he's wrong will make him upset. honestly why would you want to be with someone like that?
I hope you are safe and happy now.
It’s harsh but she made you single but doesn’t want you single so she keep stringing you with calls and text every now and then.
Go now before you waste a chance at happiness with someone else, because you can.
Think of this as an adult relationship not based on trauma, hers from being kicked out and relying on you, unless I’m getting that wrong.
Find happiness with someone that wants what you do, that will not think of you as second best, because you OP are first choice.
To be happy you need to actually let yourself be happy. You have nothing to lose, if it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out, but there is a chance it will. Don't be an obstacle on the way to your own happiness.
I think she is settling for R, but really loves you. Needless to say R should not be with her. As any otber person he deserves to be his partner favourite person, not consolation prize.
R also deserves to know the reality of her persistent emotional cheating. Although, I think he should already be aware of it. Any sane person would be, but I guess he might be in denial.
I think getting together with R could be good for you, although it wilp come at the expense of your friendship with M. Still you can have someone that truly cherishes you in life, I say: go for it.
I think you would benefit from some therapy / counseling to address your self esteem issues and help you build confidence in yourself
He could be turning his phone off but the texts / messages could go to his computer or iPad.
Your current partner is not your ex. Don't assume malicious intent over something as small as calling you his wife when he's given you no reason to think he's capable of that. Don't punish your current partner for something he's never done.
If you don't want to be called that until you're married, just say so. It's that simple.
I have never worried about my gfs male friends. The kiss with the friend was a result of a bad relationship, not the cause.
Not shallow at all. Basic hygiene in a relationship is NOT too much to ask.
Maybe he doesn't have mobile data? So when he is at home his phone connects to the wifi but when out and about he just has cellular data which is only used for calls and texting.
I don't really know how phones work, or why anyone would care to know someone's location so you two just seem kind of crazy to me.
That's still not ok of her.
Babe that does not sound happy or fun in the slightest
If she were to date other people during the people, then under all circumstances, he would be her plan B.
Girl, if your boyfriend didn’t find you beautiful then he wouldn’t be with you. Sure, his ex might’ve been very beautiful too, and I completely understand your feelings; you’ve got a tough act to follow. But think about it this way: as evidenced by his ex, your boyfriend clearly has no problems with attracting beautiful people, and he chose you. I completely understand the insecurity and self doubt that comes with dating someone with an ex that you feel as though you cannot online up to but again: your boyfriend wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t find you beautiful and like spending time with you.
Talk to your boyfriend, he deserves to know how you feel, and if he’s a good boyfriend he’ll want to do everything that he can to help you feel like you don’t have to compete with his ex.
Word of advice (since I just realized I’m old enough to be your mom and now I’m having an existential crisis)
Anyone partner that wants to change something fundamental to your being is not interested in a relationship with YOU, they’re in a relationship with the idea of you they have in their head. Tread carefully.
Poke pin pricks in all the condoms , the wait for the shitshow to start
it’s easier to just pay for things than be someone’s therapist/social calendar.
I think this might be insane. I am a woman. I have had an ex who didnt work and spent most of his days with his friends. I was at work, commuting multiple hours a day and working 10 hours. It isnt just “paying for things”, the money comes from somewhere.
My current husband doesnt have many friends because his best friend was killed in a car accident and his other close friend moved to a different continent. It doesnt really bother me. I would take this 1000x over working while my partner doesn't.
Ok, he’s not only got his eye on someone, but he’s somehow awkward enough that he worried about how the pickup line would look to her and tested it out.
Its definitely weird. Beauty is subjective. OP thinks the ex is prettier but her boyfriend could think the opposite. Again, you need therapy. Like badly.
It’s so wild men aren’t like women who feel the need to wanna know every little detail possible? Crazy I know.
Have you considered therapy? She’s an ex for a reason, obviously something didn’t work there.
I do feel it in my heart that I want to leave. Its just really difficult now that I pretty much have no money
Okay
I think you just need someone to talk to. If therapy isn't a viable option for whatever reason, then you should look for alternatives to help you handle this.
You say your boyfriend's ex is prettier than you — I don't want to dismiss your feelings, but I'm telling you that, in the grand scheme of things, it's a miniscule problem you're dealing with. The insecurity is your place in your boyfriend's life. You can't compete against an 8-year-long relationship, mate. It's just not going to work in your favor; it'll only hurt you.
Does your boyfriend treat you as second-class to his ex? Does he ever make comparisons between you & her?
She should not be rooming with a former fuck buddy while in a relationship!
You are right. If she can't see this end it.
LDR sucks anyway especially during study abroad – might be better anyway. How long you been together?
Show a healthy relationship over time. If you can’t do that, then they were right.
If you're considering ending the pregnancy look up your the state laws to make sure you meet the deadline, if not go to a different state. But also, make sure whatever you decide is right for you and your future.
Please explain how your understanding of hanger “brings out the monster in her” (I don’t expect you to answer because there’s no logic to explain). It’s very clear that her “hanger” brings out a bad attitude (the monster) because she is letting her hunger get the best of her. No where does he ever mention her genitals. God some people can be total freaks
You don't say how you know the the first thing he said, and you said his friend told you the second thing. I wonder how you can be so sure — did you talk to your boyfriend about it? (If so, good…what did he say to justify himself?)
Seriously. My dad did the same thing to my mom. My mom was from Appalachia…my dad wasn't. When when I was little, she still had a lot of her accent and dialect(not even university was able to change it). I thought it was cute. When she would say the word “panties” it would sound more “paint-ies” but she mostly called them “bloomers”, “kind of” was “kindly” (just not in the scammy Nigerian prince way). There were all kinds of things…and that was just mom. By the time I was in my mid teens, my mom sounded almost like any other mid-westerner with the whole “generic newscaster” accent. But she had been made to feel so “less than” that by the time my dad took up with his much younger fatass secretary, my mom's self esteem totally tanked. There hasn't been a day that passes that I don't miss her terribly.
OP, your accent is your history. It is testament to your adaptability…your strength. If it changes, over time (as accents tend to do), so be it. But it should be a natural progression. Someone who actually loves you will love all of you…including your accent. Your boyfriend isn't good enough for you.
Tell me…do you think your boyfriend has an accent? I can almost guarantee that I would think so. Start pestering him to change his accent. Give him some of his own medicine. Or better still…dump him and find someone better. Just do not let him make you feel bad about yourself. Even plain old ordinary friends won't do that. Your partner definitely shouldn't.
Why do you care? You guys broke up.
No, he complains too much
Yeah, I do agree that sometimes feelings just happen and same with attraction, I was mostly just hurt about the lying. I would’ve been okay if she just told me she liked him and wanted to go for it, but all of the lying was just a lot and made me question our friendship which is where I’m struggling to be happy for her now
Yeah, I do agree that sometimes feelings just happen and same with attraction, I was mostly just hurt about the lying. I would’ve been okay if she just told me she liked him and wanted to go for it, but all of the lying was just a lot and made me question our friendship which is where I’m struggling to be happy for her now
What should I do?
Listen to your father.
Parents aren't always right about bad boyfriends/girlfriends. But in this case, he definitely is. Your boyfriend doesn't want to commit to you, so don't give him your cash.
She’s gained 40 lbs…and they have been together a year and a half. It’s a global pandemic ppl.
NTA. I wouldn't remain friends with someone who actively disrespected my partner and my marriage repeatedly like that. And I DID divorce someone who let his friends treat me the way your wife has allowed Jess to treat you. You deserve better. YOU are out of HER league.
I appreciate the honest answer.
The comments I have received from this question have not been kind….
Same here, exact situation. It took some tough discussions, time, and trust but we are so much happier now. It can work!
Stop saying gaslighting
What would your health insurance situation be if you go without a job? I’d be terrified of not having the NHS and even the nightmare that is the DWP , as a safety net.
Why are you banging a bigot?
Is he the only other human being for 1000 miles?
Why are you dating a moron bigot?
Because I’ll bet he uses pronouns hundreds of times a day.
You get what you deserve when you knowingly support a vile bigot. So stop.
Believe it or not, naked exercise and a good diet are the best ways to get over cheating. It will help regulate your mood and clear your head, and problems won't seem so serious. Combo of weights and cardio are the best.
Also talking about it with guy friends if you have them. Most guys can relate, and hanging out will help get your mind off of it.
What you have described here isn't horrible. He just seems very insecure. I think the thing to do is make sure he knows all of what you said here about how happy you are with your sex life with him. He apparently needs a lot of reassurance that he's satisfying you in bed.
Moms need love too lol
You can have some emotional turmoil now or you can have at least 18 years of emotional turmoil as a broke single parent with a child that wasn’t wanted in the first place.
Your girlfriend is the type of woman who gets raped because she didn't want to be rude. She should have been rude, weird, and whatever it took to get him out of the house. She crossed a line a big fat line. She needs to put herself in your place.
I would be livid not just mad. I might even end the relationship.
Facts ?♀️
Yes she doesn’t want to use insurance because of her past diagnoses, and doesn’t want those to continue to pop up on her medical records any more due to them being misdiagnoses. So the only away around that is to self pay instead so that there isn’t a record for insurance.
Another weird thing which I still have trouble understanding, is that she wants to get a life insurance policy on herself. She believes those previous diagnoses will obstruct her ability to get life insurance. However, I don’t care at all if she even has a life insurance policy as it really doesn’t bother me. But she is very adamant about it.
She just feels like people use her past against her a lot, especially to control her. So she wants to be rid of anything that could be used against her.
This is true.
I'm a guy, and I honestly assumed from past existence that it was normal for my partner to discuss our sex life with her friends.
I felt weird the first time a girlfriend's friend brought up something from my our sex life in conversation, but I thought it would be controlling to get upset about it.
This is eye-opening if the vast majority of commenters here are right.
Long, very long engagement?
You have to have a talk with him. Just be calm and focus . He should’ve mention her at the beginning of your relationship. You should se up boundaries. He should introduce you to her first since you never met her.
i don’t think lhe should meet her one on one at her house though
When you feel like talking to her, remind yourself of the betrayal she did. Cheating on you, not being remorseful and still keeping her affair partner closed. Think of the time she didn’t think about you when she sent those nudes and had sexed with her friend.
Call instead your friends, go out and have fun.
What you do is CUT OFF the toxicity. How much more of a doormat do you want to be for this woman? She has never reciprocated your efforts,always used at her convenience and never acknowledged you as a true friend. Now your beating yourself over a friendship that you have always been alone in. Self-awareness is needed here hun,might actually make you see that you deserve better.
Yes, unfortunately, you were groomed. She waited until you were an adult to have sex with you because then there would have been no legal repercussions.
There was no real “decision” you made because she had been setting this up for years.
I would recommend you seek out some therapy to help you sort out your feelings. You did nothing wrong, but she sure did…
So my sexual desires are a moot point? Got it thanks for the advise.
Tell her she needs to decide and either bow out or get back in. This is a her problem and all you can really do is talk, listen and let her decide… Then support that decision.
But if you feel she's cheating… Even if “only” emotionally? Then you should probably address that wth her and tilt the decision in the direction of ending things.
Tell her she needs to decide and either bow out or get back in. This is a her problem and all you can really do is talk, listen and let her decide… Then support that decision.
But if you feel she's cheating… Even if “only” emotionally? Then you should probably address that wth her and tilt the decision in the direction of ending things.
Your point was that legalising it would fix the problem; it doesn't.
Tell her she needs to decide and either bow out or get back in. This is a her problem and all you can really do is talk, listen and let her decide… Then support that decision.
But if you feel she's cheating… Even if “only” emotionally? Then you should probably address that wth her and tilt the decision in the direction of ending things.
When it’s their butt or chest? Yes. I think we can all agree that there is a certain line where affectionate becomes more intense, like going from cuddling on the couch to having private parts squeezed with no discussion? Gross. Normal things like hand holding and wrapping an arm around the waist/shoulders are fine but should still be stopped if somebody doesn’t want to be touched.
Yeah, I have been honest about my concerns and how it makes me feel. It worries me that my wishes are discarded so quickly and makes me feel unsafe
Hey @boyfriend! Doesn't she also have sex with you? It's monumentally disrespectful to discuss her having sex, in any way, with anyone, without her explicit permission. If you want to pretend that she's controlling by asking you to not talk about her that way with people, then she's honestly better off without you. That's so disrespectful, I'd leave a man for trying to twist it around on me in such a manipulative fashion. How very dare you. It's an easy boundary to respect, how dare you pretend she's trying to tell you how to interact with people. You're so deeply in the wrong.
@OP….his response tells me a lot about your relationship. And I actually think you should take a step back from this for a bit, and really think about your relationship, and how he treats you about other issues you two have. He writes in a way that dismisses your history, needs, concerns and fears, and talks down on anyone who doesn't agree with him…it's arrogant. It's gross. And I cannot get past how he acts like you're trying to control him for having a super reasonable boundary. That's a big red flag.
So OP, other than this, how else does he disrespect you in your relationship? Cause I'm all about more sex between couples, but he really doesn't speak about you or sex with you, respectfully here, so I can't really believe this is just a one off.
Again. My question is directed towards the STI situation not asking for judgement in regards to the age gap and distance gap. She’s moving back in a few months anyhow
That is something I suggested, but I was told it’s not possible. That it was disrespectful to God and negated the Catholic ceremony. Even my Mormon cousin had a religious ceremony then a secular one for the rest of us. My family/church doesn’t have an issue with a Catholic ceremony, or any kind of ceremony, if it’s what I want. So I’m not concerned with checking a box for the church, but rather being represented at my own marriage…
Too big a deal. His sister's sex life isn't his business, neither is yours. Can't be disrespectful to him because it's got nothing to do with him. Telling him would just gross him out probably.
If you broke up for a reason. And that reason is still valid. Do not get back together.
If you want to make it work move closer to eachother.
Otherwise don’t get back together and don’t just be fuck buddies. That’s too much like ordering a steak and just licking it. Sure it will taste good but it will leave you unsatisfied and dying to take a bite.
I'm going to go against the apparent grain here and say that I actually get where you are coming from.
Going somewhere with someone that has been there already is a very different experience to going with someone that hasn't. You want the experience of everything being unique. I also could see why you don't want to go along with a group because yes, that would also make it a very different experience.
It also seems that it is kind of specific to this place as well, rather than a broader thing especially as its a bucket list thing that has specific wording.
Sounds like you've expressed this to him previously. This is your bucket list thing, I think he ought to be able to distinguish between wanting to experience that and you just being difficult for the sake of it especially if you are generally pretty flexible.
Now, my mistake, I I should’ve shared everything with my girlfriend and I was doing all this, but I don’t know why I didn’t and only told her when I came back to NYC.
YOU WENT ON A FUCKING DATE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN IN MOTHERFUCKING PARIS!
She got over it
No, she didn't. Take the hint. Are you dense?
I have apologized many times for this and when I ask her what I can do to help her get over it she says “I don’t know just figured it out”
I'm sure your apologies were really sincere. Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words. Actual dates with another woman in the most romantic city in the world speak louder than all the apologies you make to your actual current girlfriend.
Don't call it a Prenuptial Agreement. It's a “Partnership Agreement.”
You wouldn't start a business without a plan or road map for that business. A detailed document of how the organization was to be formed. As well as how issues WILL be resolved for the lifespan of that business.
It's the same for a couple that plans to make their relationship more formal in the eyes of the legal community. Because, marriage is a legal relationship. One that unfortunatly prematurely ends in divorce—you pray it does not. But, you must plan for the worst and hope for the best.
Fast forward to, if one of you wants to end the relationship. This document will be the outline, the steps involved to dissolve the relationship. What will happen to children, how will money distributed. What will happen to the family home. How will she be protected financially with three kids, two dogs, etc… Everything you anticipate would be a concern of hers. As well as the concerns that you have.
This should include exactly how legal documents will be prepared and filed with the court. In other words, how will you both not end up spending all your assets on attorneys fees. Which will empty your bank account.
I would look for an attorney to clarify what a document like this would look like. Make an advance appointment alone. Just to negotiate /interview who the best attorney would be to write up thus agreement.
I would not start any of the preparation of the document without her. I would not show a sample to her. I would suggest total transparency on the drafting of the document. Niether of you should work separatly. No matter how innocent it may be. It could come back on you.
If you present it right, it should make total sense to do this. To protect and insure both of your rights are protected. It has to be fair. If she is going to quit her job and raise your children, taking her off a career track. You should expect her to want to be cared for financially if you divorce.
Good Luck!
I appreciate you being blunt. I love my husband. Things did happen fast but I wouldn’t change a thing. I don’t believe that I need his approval. I have been told from close family that I am practically setting myself up for failure. I guess that I am just overthinking things. (I come from a hispanic conservative family. My family flipped out when they found out I worked on my own vehicle.)
Imo this is definitely not the way to go. Kids know when they aren't wanted. If he feels this strongly against the life he is living right now, he should leave and pay child support -right after getting a vasectomy. He should definitely take responsibility for the children he created, but staying in their life when he resents them and the mother isn't healthy for anyone.
It's not impossible to refuse to impregnate someone, though. But I'm sorry you went through that.
I'll keep that in mind, thank you
There's a line here. I think the other person is being too harsh by blaming OP for all his issues. But at that same time that doesn't absolve OP of ignoring clear danger signs. Both can simultaneously be true. The guy is a piece of shit human being that OP had all the signs BEFORE entering a relationship with him, but that doesn't mean she deserved what happened to her at all. No one's blaming her for his actions, but she does bear at least some responsibility for blatantly ignoring the guaranteed danger here. I would not be ignoring criminal assault charges for a working relationship, let alone something intimate like a partner.
There's a line here. I think the other person is being too harsh by blaming OP for all his issues. But at that same time that doesn't absolve OP of ignoring clear danger signs. Both can simultaneously be true. The guy is a piece of shit human being that OP had all the signs BEFORE entering a relationship with him, but that doesn't mean she deserved what happened to her at all. No one's blaming her for his actions, but she does bear at least some responsibility for blatantly ignoring the guaranteed danger here. I would not be ignoring criminal assault charges for a working relationship, let alone something intimate like a partner.
So, he didn’t set an alarm to go out with his friends, didn’t ask you to get up and get dressed but it’s your fault the two of you didn’t make it for brunch? He’s lashing out at you and blaming you for things because he’s in a bad mood. Stop groveling to him and stand up for yourself.
He clearly doesn’t know how to not get her pregnant, so yes, OP is absolutely part of the problem.
your GF has shit judgement
but she made the right choice in telling you, it could of been way worse
So you met a girl on a dating/hook up app, and you were dating going our, it seemed like it was getting too serious and she broke up with you to “find herself”, and said don't worry she will come back after she's dated some other guys I'm sorry “find herself”, like the self improvement stuff is great, self improvement and growth is something someone strives to do even if they are in a relationship, it sounds more likely that she has found another attractive offer and she wants to explore meet new people (to have sex with obviously and date), and she's kinda keeping you on the back burner. I'd suggest to keep that dating profile up to date and see what else is out there. Keep growing meditating and all of that but I'll be honest, the odds of her coming back are far and far between, and it sounds like she was letting you down gently without saying that your relationship is over.
Stop responding immediately or wait hours and eventually she’ll get the message,I’ve had someone who likes to complain on the ride home but once I put my earbuds on she gets the message.
Get rid. She sounds like a nightmare. She'll be messaging one of these guys every time you two have a cross word.
Once you've had enough and end the relationship she'll choose one of them to fill her boyfriend void.
Yeah he does need to understand that this not an optional discussion , at some stage you will give up if he has no interest in trying to work with you.
When that stage is only you can say.
Y’all kids are using this word wrong. A “situationship” is a relationship because of a situation. It’s like you’re in town for 3 months working on a project, you get with a local but you both know it has an expiration date.
Now y’all just use it like “he wants to fuck me but won’t date me.”
Well, I have ADHD too, diagnosed in 2016.
It's overwhelming, getting a lot of thoughts swirling in your head. But I imagine you already have some exercises to put ys together, remember the breathing exercises, the writing to organize your thoughts, the exercises (like running) to make you mind relaxing by exhaustion and THEN you try addressing it with your boyfriend.
Remember that other people are not necessarily responsible by OUR condition.
And sorry if I offended you, my words were not intended as an attack. It was a direct pointing about this not being an “watched a movie before me” issue.
Actually, this reminds me that a way I could be slightly petty is with passwords. I'm the manager of our LastPass vault, so if I remove her from that she'll have to reset ~100 passwords.
Ghost her and leave her favorite board game on the pillow.
And you left the ice trays?
Thank you man – appreciate the kind words
I’ve been thinking about it recently and just realising how messed up it was. Part of me is angry at my family for not recognising it / protecting me and the other part is angry at myself because I had several family members ask about it and I told them nothing was going on.
I look at my younger brothers who are high school age and they look / act so young. Can’t imagine having sexual desires for someone that age…
This right here OP! I’ve been with my BF since we were 17. It’s been 10 years and we are looking at getting married now. If it’s meant to be it will be, but we didn’t want to get married before we had our degrees, settled in our careers and became financially stable.
Thank you for the honesty I’ll work on myself
You fucked up and got caught. The only advice you need is to Give him whatever time and space he wants and to prepare for the consequences of your shitty actions
Yea I don’t either. She didn’t pass the community colleague policing program and dropped first term but lied she did to get her job.
When everyone sticks to the terms of the agreement, to include getting checked out and knowing you have a clear bill of health beforehand, yeah it does.
You really provided almost no information, so off the bat, I'm going to say that your poor communication skills probably was a factor. You don't give information readily so you sound shady even when you aren't hiding anything.
Secondly, there is something wrong with a marriage if a guy spends an afternoon apart from his wife and she immediately jumps to you running around on her. Either you have a history of it or she does. If you are so prideful that you couldn't come clean about it, then that is another huge problem with your marriage. Your pride and anger have been more important to you than her peace of mind or security. This is the main reason why you ended up divorced. Again, look at point one. You don't communicate much to begin with, you act suspicious, you get prideful and refuse to come clean – WHAT DID YOU EXPECT HER TO THINK?
Any normal story would have ended with you just giving her the ring and all being forgiven. You could have just said, “I got you a surprise and here it is” or “I got you a surprise and you have to wait one week.” or whatever. You're a prideful idiot who got yourself divorced. Your ex wife was sensible enough not to sit around and wait for you to come to your senses.
If she doesn’t trust you why should she want to marry you?
You clearly can not trust her, so why do you want to Marley her?
Either she trusts the word of her secret source over yours or she is playing head games with you, either way it’s a huge red flag
It seems like he knew all along. That he gaslighted you and made you feel like you were crazy and jealous as well as controlling. Then when you were no longer resisting him crossing all these boundaries he's springing these feelings on you and when you adjust to that he ups the anty of how strong the feelings are. He's known all along and it seems to me he may be trying to wear down your resolve and manipulate you into that thrupleship. Even if you were okay with polyamory, I'm not sure I'd stick around for this. I'd also be real curious about what's in those messages because this doesn't seem at all one sided.
As has been said elsewhere, he's having an emotional affair. You're not asking him to lose a friend, you're telling him to cut off his affair partner.
Long distant relationships are difficult on their own. Add in trust issues and they become impossible. Did the ex offer any proof? Did she seem like reliable narrator to you? Who sent the email?
I personally think him profiting off a car her family sold him isn't likely to lead to her trying to break you guys up, it doesn't make much sense to me.
From here it sounds very understandable that there were big problems.
Just refusing to tell her where you were would make her feel left out shut out and not prioritized. You could have said anything – shopping, it's a surprise etc., but you shut her out. So she understandably felt confused and suspicious. When she asked for reassurance by way of your phone, you apparently doubled down on the coldness and lack of communication, at which point she was clearly done.
This relationship sounds over, but it might help if you look back and really think about if you had an open heart with her – if you communicated, if you were affectionate toward her, if you did small niceties to support her, if you noticed and commented when she looked good or had a new dress. And importantly, if you listened and responded kindly with an open heart when she had a concern instead of being defensive and shutting down.
My ex went away “alone” because he was “going through something” about 6 months before he imploded our marriage. I found out he took his affair partner away on vacation and used OUR money!!!!! Yeah. Fuck him and your man too OP.
Hold the fuck up so this man is going to leave you at home with his child to take care of while he goes on vacation absolutely 100% not by himself but to have a fuck fest for four days while you stay home with his child?
TW for sexual abuse…
I had a close childhood friend who molested me when we were preteens. I don't think either of us really knew the gravity of what happened, and I don't think it was done with any malice, but we grew apart because I was uncomfortable around her. We never talked about what happened but just drifted apart through high school. We lived together for a year in college but stopped staying in touch after that. She moved to another city.
In planning my wedding and related events, I've suddenly noticed grief about the loss of friendship surfacing. I realized it was because when we were young, I thought we'd always be there for each other's big life moments.
Anyway, I'm sharing this to say that Alex crossed a boundary and hurt you in a way that would be naked if not impossible to repair. It's normal and healthy to grieve that friendship; but that doesn't mean you should invite him back into your life, or that your wedding is the right time to do that if you eventually choose to.
I understand, I get what you were saying there. For what it's worth I'm sorry you're in this situation but this is why it's never a good idea to begin a relationship with someone who you already KNOW has the capacity to cheat on a partner he supposedly loves. My advice to you is to cut your losses and get out now. Even if he never spoke to this woman again you'd still have to worry about the next woman that showed some interest in him.
I love how this sub always goes straight to cheating. As if it's not even plausible that this dude could actually be really attracted to his friend but hasn't acted on it.
Not saying there aren't any problems here. They should definitely see a therapist. But I swear this sub thinks that every relationship has two states, perfect and cheating.
Your girlfriend has been pregnant for 70% of your relationship with her. This is above Reddit’s paygrade. Get her into therapy, hire help around the house, and for fuck’s sake wear a goddamn condom.
What????? Please seek help
I also forgot to mention. With me having no income and he's just started his business money isn't great. He pays everything and is struggling. He wants me to gain independence which is 100% what I need
This is what I said.along with reasons withstanding…just hiding the whole thing is enough to be done.
this guy is lying to you. he doesn't care about you as much as his ex
Damn this question triggered him lol
Damn he must be a robot
Not necessarily, I get really scared that if I do it'll scare him or push him away. I already feel really needy
You say your marriage is worth saving. At this point you would need to create a brand new relationship with her, minus the clean slate.
What ways do you think your ex’s life would be enhanced by having you in it today?
What ways would your life be enhanced by having her in it today?
Thank you boo ?
Jesus, woman. He's an ex. Leave him be.
I don't think this is highly unusual. This woman is probably just a rebound relationship, if it can even be called a relationship at all. But it's quite natural when you've lost a relationship to date very actively. Maybe you should try doing the same.
How tf could you have sex with your sister's ex? That's so gross. Sorry, but that's damn nasty. I'm sure your marriage will be long and happy lol
You're new to reddit yet you somehow had the wherewithal to make a throw away account to make this post? Math ain't mathing, I'd understand if you had an older account and didn't want to damage your karma but making a throw away account for a forum you've only been on—allegedly for a month seems pointless and doesn't add up. ?
You broke up with him…
If you like fantasy, check out iron druid chronicles or the Dresden files (warning on the latter, tis crude). Mercy Thompson series is great too.
True, I rarely ever like anyone and I’ve never liked a dude before I rlly don’t want the chance to go by yk even if it is rejection. I just lack the confidence atm idk why I think it’s the need of male validation too LOL he’s also graduating and the school year is coming to a close idk I’ll def try what you’re mentioning (: thanks!
You really are fond of confirmation bias. Soundd exhausting. Dude genuinely dodged a bullet.
Whatever she proposes to sign cannot hold up in court as they were signed under duress. You know that, do you? She cannot renounce what she has legally a right to, so it’s not even worth the paper she will sign on.
Lawyer up. Right now.
I was confused as to why he didnt let me read it?
You have a BF break up with you and gets a new GF. You send him a text meant for him. Would you want him to share that text with his new GF?
I mean, lying is never an option, but I can't really blame you about what you did. Shit sounds exhausting.
Leave man. For real. If you want, chat me and I will give you my phone number and we can talk. This is bullshit. Don't put yourself through it any longer.
Good, I'm.sorry your in such a crappy situation. Try to get some recordings of her saying this shit if possible. I know it's going to be hot but if you can it is going to work massively in your favour.
I wish you all the best when you finally manage to leave and with the upcoming case for custody.
You're dealing with a definite psycho. Get out. Now.
My ex husband donated his kidney to me and I divorced him a year later.
To an outsider that probably makes me one of the most awful people you could meet.
However, what people not close to me don’t know is that within 6 months of that happening he turned into a controlling abusive monster who wouldn’t let me have a social life and was blackmailing me into giving him my life savings to gamble with because I “owed him”. All my close family and friends agreed I needed to leave.
However I still have neighbours, acquaintances and distant family who have basically disowned me and think I’m an awful person.
Don’t worry about what other people think, it’s what you and the people who love you think what matters
Not much else you can do bud if she doesn't trust you then she doesn't trust you nothing you do can change that. I wasn't judging you for having the girls number either you panicked I understand that it would only be if you texted back and forth for anything other than school work that this would be a problem for me but for your girlfriend this is clearly an issue she cannot move past.
I don't know why you would take this guy's word on this and not have an adult conversation with Ciera before nuking the whole thing. Sounds like you later found out he was lying and you still are holding it against her. Also sounds like Judas has ulterior motives. You are letting you pride get in the way.
He needs a good 'ol classic beat down. Might humble his constantly menstruating male ass.
You ever read Misery? This Misery except your legs ain't broken
This is a civil matter, take him to court. You'll need to show proof you are
a) an owner
B) been financially responsible for her until the break up.
C) able to continue to care for her
Good luck
You might try saying, “You know, I'm thirty years old—it's very weird being talked to as though I'm five.” And see what happens.
L O L
What should I do?
Even doubting about it speaks very little about your morals. Would you like to be told if it was your husband?
Any decent humang being would gather proof and present it asap.
Tip: just present it, dont be judgamental… they might have an open relationship or god knows why. You deliver neutrally the info, and let her act on it.
That's probably the best idea to be in full custody. I supported someone going through this process and it was a lot to deal with so a supporter is useful.
People may chose to stay on her side and believe whatever she says, be prepared for that.
Luckily they alienated the children, some are not so lucky if the N is persuasive.
Dude, if you don't trust your wife and are making her facetime you so you can be assured she's not cheating, why are you married?? You sound ridiculous and you're right, that's embarrassing to have to flip your phone and show the room because your husband is so insecure needs that. You either need a divorce or you need to trust your wife. I personally don't think she was doing anything wrong except having fun with her coworkers because obviously her husband would neveerrr allow that! No possible way people of opposite sexes can do anything other than have sex with each other, right???
Most people who threaten suicide are using it as a manipulation tactic. Even if she follows through, it is not your fault. It sounds like she needs therapy at the very least and you're not qualified to give her the help she needs. Don't let yourself became a prisoner to her because of threats. It's going to be difficult, but in time, you'll realize it was the best decision for you. Good luck with all of this
Seriously! So many here don’t care that this could wreak havoc on OP’s life over a “not my monkey, not my circus” moment. There’s not a “right” answer here, just what is right for OP.
Time to move on. You need to find a relationship that works for you. ?
So if she’s in your name at the vet, that’s all you need.
Like seriously, if he took her to the vet today, they’d not do anything without your permission if they’re following the law.
I’m not an attorney and I don’t play one on TV, but I’ve worked in vet clinics in multiple states and dealt with these “custody” battles and have dealt with it myself personally where I literally had to go to court.
The only issue I see is that even with a key, if you enter his residence without permission, that’s considered breaking and entering I believe.
So if it were me, I’d go over there when you know he’s home and get the dog vs let yourself in and take her. He wouldn’t have a leg to stand on that you have the dog but entering without permission could get you in trouble.
Given people’s propensity to shoot the messenger, I can understand OP’s misgivings about having that conversation. Nobody wants to blow up their friend’s life.
I'm married and I'm 100% sure my husband would (or has) zoom in on an ass too. Doesn't mean he's a cheater. Not sure its really that big of a deal.
Sounds like bf has her locked down – no friends where they now online, she works from home, she doesn’t have the chance to interact with other men…now he’s losing his mind because he’s realizing she still has a kind of her own and isn’t totally under his control, so he’s upping the manipulation to get her to cancel her trip. And if she does, all she’ll hear about from now on is how she ‘wanted to get away from him’ and ‘be around other men’. OP, I think you need to really critically evaluate your relationship.
Absolutely! There is nothing wrong with small dogs at all and some people create these behaviours purely out of ignorance (who doesn't want to pick up and cuddle with a dog?)
I'm glad your trainer informed you of what may not have been obvious.
It's like with children, they need to be out there socializing and building their own little personality and learn how to handle situations on their own. I like nothing more than a small dog that is independent and acts like a confident big dog.
Yeah, he shouldn’t have said they were platonic, that was a lie. Platonic friends aren’t sex buddies, that’s a thing called non-platonic friends. They were not platonic, but he said they were. You do what you want with that info
I know I need to do it, and I really do care. Like you said, it’s the perfect time to do this for both of us. Can you explain a bit about the honesty part. Like should I really say “I just don’t think if you with passion anymore” or “I don’t feel as romantic as I used to” or should I just leave it like “it’s time for us to go into the next chapter etc…” appreciate the advice .
You two need professional counseling if saving the marriage is a priority.
1-2 times a day
Thank you for the nudge, I need it
Head is not the issue here.
Things wont get better no matter what you do. This is a him issue. Not a you issue. I wish you the best of luck.
Well, 100 USD isn't much, and I'd bet more on my own take, but thanks for a clear headed response
You dont control her parents or their actions…You Gf can tell her parents to stop inviting him over(its their house) and stop telling her about the guy..she can hang up every time they try. She can get up and leave when they do it in person. She can enforce those boundaries all on her own, I assure you it is possible…I assure you the parents will change what they do if your GF simply walks away when they do these things. It might take a couple times of the parents being ruthlessly shut down but that is what it takes to enforce boundaries.
Thank you so much. Your comment has given me some inspiration on what I could do to surprise him on our wedding day
Now you're just making shit up.
He's not that into you. He's still fooling around and checking out his options. Why is he with you? You're his back up option.
You need to learn how to respect yourself. When a partner behaves like trash, learn to walk away. Don't let him have the benefits of the gf AND fool around. He can go back to his single life and have fun on his own.
I advise you block, delete and move on. Raise your dating bar by not entertaining garbage men too long. Don't let him get in your head. Stand your ground and leave. You got this ?
Oh no, that's so terrible. What happened after that? Divorce?
I hope not, too. I was worried he may be after looking at his web history (I've always been staunchly against snooping like that – first time I ever looked). Looking at a couple promiscuous accounts in our city. Why not anywhere else in the world? He said he hasn't cheated, though.
I'm sorry, but are you sure he's really sweet? He seems like he might be at least a little homophobic and/or sexist. Sometimes people brush off new information that doesn't match up with what they know about someone, but people can be complicated. The company your boyfriend keeps is also important to consider. That says a lot about him as a person, what his priorities are like. You shouldn't ever have to wonder about such things with someone who's meant to make you feel safe and loved.
I'm sorry if I'm coming on too strong, I've just also brushed aside things that I really shouldn't have in the past, so seeing someone doing something similar makes me feel like I have to warn them? I hope that you can be true to yourself and make a choice that won't feel like a burden and keep you second guessing yourself
Because she IS
Thank you so much for your response. The “we don’t trust us” hit me naked. That’s exactly what it is. I don’t trust my own judgement because I couldn’t even protect myself.
I want to add that I did not mean to paint him as a horrible person. He has improved himself as an individual and has become more understanding and less cold and harsh. I do recognize the steps he has made.
I can not get over this overwhelming scared feeling I have about going back. I am feeling so depressed and my thoughts are turning really dark. And on top of that, now I’m scared to tell him I just can’t do it or to say I’m having second thoughts.
I can’t stand myself.
Your wife at 38 is barely the same person she was at 18. Are you the same person you were at 18? I hope not.
Being attracted to people is human. She didn’t act on it because she is committed to you. Loyalty is a big deal.
Did you feel loved? If so… do you know how much energy that takes? A ton! You don’t have to always be 100% into the person you are with, but if you’re consistently behaving in a loving manner, you will always find that feeling again.
If you penalize her for the shit she did at 18 when you both were just kids, you’re an AH. Although… you invaded her privacy so… I’m definitely leaning that way in my opinion now.
You should do better. You have a woman who loves you. Don’t mess it up.
Stop lending money, stop cleaning. I don’t think it’s fair though to expect him to kick out his 18 year old brother. You need to just keep living in your own place.
You are very different people than you were at 12, 16, 18? You are going to be different at 25 and 30. You will have different feelings about marriage. Give it time, but not too much time. Always know where he is at, because there are ton of women who spend their 20's in a relationship that did not pan out and are not nervous in their 30's. It is important to know when to give up. Dont fool yourself.
I wouldn't say serious but just the idea of making a commitment if anything. From my understanding he talking more about being my boyfriend. Which honestly is not uncommon for people to think about doing around the 3 – 4 month mark. If anything it is pretty standard. Just going based on relationships I have had in the past and looking at other people's relationships. Also before he started to see me he was in a relationship like ours with someone else who was further away and they were together for a year. That person even moved in with him even though he wasn't ready for that to happen. I know for a fact it isn't the distance or he wouldn't of stayed with that person for a year. Before we started dating he hadn't been with that person for over a year so I would say if anything he was very prepared for a mid distance relationship again if you can even call it that. And from what we have talked about he prefers to not have a partner move in till they have been together for a year and is more comfortable with the dynamic we already have. If that wasn't case he wouldn't be doing it again with another person.
If youre using snapchat, you’re too young to get married.
No. You should not. It could additional grief
Is her birthday coming up? Cause you could use the excuse that you were shopping for a birthday gift for her and didn’t want her to see where you were shopping at Or do you have your mom on snap as well? You could use the excuse that you were buying your mom a grift for Mother’s Day and that you didn’t want your mom to accidentally see where you were going just in case.
You could also just say it’s a glitch and that you didn’t know it was off. Those seem to be the only real options because anything else it would seem weird to have turned off the snap maps
The lesson is here is he will always treat you with disrespect and indecency! So it’s not worth staying!!
That's a scary thought that she could be treating patients!
He said that if his drinking is such a problem, I should leave. I have no idea where I would go.
Talk to a divorce lawyer. You might be advised to serve him with divorce papers and force HIM to go. It works that way sometimes.
It's a pretty strong statement that if he has to choose you or drinking, he chooses drinking.
You're right, I've been trying to maintain that headspace since we began dating but I think him seeing her recently just triggered me in a way it didn't before. Thanks for your advice 🙂
Except that she was already ok with waiting until they were finished with school and had started careers. This guy’s timeline is years longer than that, and he told her when they started dating that he never wanted to get married. I don’t believe that he actually changed his mind.
Exactly this. OP it wont be that big of a change the only real change is you will have a new sense of freedom. That you arent being bogged down by this man or having to take care of him too.
And for real you and your son deserve better. That little boy deserves love which he will get in abundance from you as a healthy healed mentally refreshed mommy and your family.
He's a shit dad! And a shit husband! I can't imagine how scary it must feel but you need to do whats best for you and your child. Youve been with this man for 8 years and got an amazing kid out of it. It's enough now don't waste your youth and the time u can spend growing and loving on your kid feeling miserable with a asshole of a man.
You can do this ???
And you sound as if you had no real idea about how toxic a competitive work environment can be when bullying is used as a method of entertaining rivalry amongst co-workers because stupid bosses think this is an effective way to make people compete.
Really…. as if bullying was limited to school! Families bully family members. At workplaces co-workers bully others…for whatever reasons.
As if the world was filled with only of “mentally healthy emotionally competent grown adults”.
Wondering what people are on Reddit! Gosh. Really…. ?
I think the older people on this sub agree what she did was terrible, they just think it’s not worth immediately throwing away a marriage without first trying couples therapy etc…
Her hooking up with someone else a few weeks into dating with him won’t be the first or the last challenge a long term marriage faces.
Dump the boyfriend. And dump the guy friend.
That depends. Are you good at standung your ground? If yes, sure confront her before breaking up, if this what you need.
Personally I think there is no need for that though. Break up with her, using simply not loving her any more as a reason. Stick with it, and stay away from her from that point onwards.
Tell your guy friend “therapist” to kick rocks, and while he’s at it, go sit on a few real sharp and pointy ones.
What if you had done the same? Would he be saying ‘oh she just needed relief’? What if your friend’s partner did the same?
That is absolutely a valid reason to end things, and if it weren’t a ‘big deal’ or ‘cheating’, than why wasn’t he honest? If you aren’t ok with something and feel you need to end things-whatever the issue-than that’s really all the reason you need to end it with someone. Don’t let anyone tell you different.
On top of it, a lot of sex workers at Asian Spas are victims of trafficking- which btw, your therapist friend should know, as learning about different types of abuse are bare minimum things when going to school for mental health work of any kind. I know, I took the classes.
So unless you and your bf had a conversation saying sleeping with others is ok, and discussing the specifics, than yes, he cheated, even if it ‘wasn’t emotional’, potentially risked your health, tried to manipulate and turn the scenario on you, and was dishonest.
You got your new girlfriend pregnant right away. I don't think the ex gf is to blame for the situation with your family being awkward. They don't even know this new woman, of course it's awkward. Getting to know someone takes time.
I love him. We’ve been together for 8 months, but I can’t shake the feeling that he’s hiding something from me.
How can you 'love' someone but not trust them? How does that work? Can you not see that love and trust are the same thing and based on a connection?
Where is the connection? What is it that connects you and your BF?
Seems to me that you two are together and an item of sorts, but you're not sure about each other.
Is it irrational of me to want to end things before they get worse?
It's irrational for you to stay in a half baked relationship with someone you clearly don't trust.
Sounds like she has the hots for u and is hoping to get u to change teams so she has a shot with u.
Your friend the therapist is absolutely disgraceful. It’s ok to stick your dick in another woman if you’re paying for it, is it? Dump your bf, report you “friend”
No, I don’t want another man. I don’t want anyone but him. I would rather be single. I’m just worried when the time comes I won’t be able to love someone right.
Perfect imperfection is the observation that imperfections are often more valuable than perfections.
there is a reason this is a saying.
Learn to accept yourself for who you are. The right person will see the beauty in every inch of you
So what? Break up, get therapy, move on.
Also OP needs to buy a scale, they are relatively cheap even the ones that do micro measurements
DUMP HIM THIS IS ABUSE
Did you have a relationship with the man – if so, attend on that basis. If not, a card and flowers to his home is a proper & respectful gesture.
she is having an emotional affair with this guy.
It's more than that, she's fucking him.
I don’t have the energy to argue so I just get steamrolled
You're already doing the first part with your words, you're just stumbling near the finish line.
“This conversation is loud/angry/condescending now, let's revisit this when we are both calm. Goodbye, Dad.”
And you hang up.
You decide when you're calm enough and want to re-engage. An hour later, two days later, a week later. You don't engage again until you're ready, you can ask if he's ready at that time. Don't answer calls or texts, block or silence the number if needed.
He can't be your go-to person at this time, you may need to spread that responsibility out between family members or friends that are up to the task, along with your therapist.
Why does that matter?
Do you online together? If so, I can see your POV somewhat regarding her not texting about when she'll be home, but if not, not so much.
Especially after reading she only does this twice a month. She's hanging out with friends and it's perfectly normal to stay out late when doing so, and she's not doing it several times a week.
I also don't understand why you find it weird that when she drinks with you she gets sleepy after a few, but when she drinks while out she can hang out late. If you're dancing and listening to loud music and moving your body, of course it's easier to stay awake. That really doesn't seem abnormal at all.
It sounds like you don't trust her. Is there another reason why, or is it just this?
Did you not think about this before becoming a full-time student?
People on reddit are weird. Your feelings are valid, I don’t see how being in a relationship and having that person coming home at 4am is normal just for starters? I most definitely wouldn’t appreciate if my partner did that to me. No you can’t control how someone dresses etc, but why can’t you be a little more respectful or modest in your relationship? If not just be single? Then you can wear whatever and hell, not even bother coming home! I’d definitely discuss how you feel…. That’s what you do in a relationship, and you learn to compromise because relationships take work. I find the clubbing scene very seedy and I can only imagine it’s much worse then it was when I went clubbing! Yeah.. I dressed to look good for myself, and for my friends, but I wanted attention from males as-well, let’s be real. People clubbing are on drugs and alcohol, not everyone knows who single either, it’s not the best environment.
thank you so much, i worried myself sick over it. i haven’t been in many relationships to begin with so i don’t know as much as i would like to sometimes
Yea there are plenty of times where I offer things and have never asked for a dollar or anything back… it has NEVER crossed my mind. Or sometimes he’ll ask and be like “you’re not gonna offer??” so then I offer PLUS more.. for free like any normal person (imo). But yea, due to comments and behavior I feel like a mooch when I KNOW I’m not but I can’t help but feel like I am.
Women experience passive arousal. As in, they respond to sexual stimulus, they don't usually just get aroused out of the blue like men do. You're supposed to do foreplay to arouse your partner and it doesn't sound like OP does
You need to leave cause he's just stringing you along at this point with false promises!
He is not aware that I looked at it. It was wrong of me, so I won’t make it his problem. He has no idea that I saw it.
I would personally not expect people to stop watching porn for the sake of a relationship.
If you don't want porn in your relationship I suggest you look for somebody who simply doesn't watch it.
Of course the bigger issue with that is that as you see, a lot of people lie about it.
I don't envy your position on porn. Seems like a pain in the ass.
You need to block and ghost those people. No explanations warranted, just ghost
You did the right thing. Now tell her partner.
She’s pushing you away because she isn’t interested in you. Move on and forget about her.
You and brad our jerks and you should quit worrying about what people think so much.
My first BF cheated after 5 years. There isn't a time limit to when leaving is ok.
He's broken the relationship irreparably. Coming back from cheating takes YEARS, even then the trust is never, ever the same.
Don't put yourself through that for this dude. He's not worth the HUGE heartache.
Go online your life, find a guy who you trust and respect, and who trusts and respects you.
A cheater doesn't respect you or your relationship. A cheater is not trustworthy.
I wouldn't be able to comment on whether this is toxic or normal. All i can do is ask is this what you want? Is this relationship making you happy?
Sometimes relationships are naked, and you have to work at them and in the end its worth it because you care about the person. But sometimes they are hot and its not justified or fair. This to me, sounds unjustified and unfair. If this is not something you're able to compromise on then its a make or break situation.
No. I tried to play it off like it didn’t hurt, because I knew I shouldn’t have asked if I couldn’t handle the truth. But like I said, I guess I was so certain he would say no. But now I know.
I’m trying to figure out how to talk to him about it again without it developing into a fight
Can you sell your house and move somewhere else?
You're allowed to have female friends. It's not cheating to have friends.
If you're buying them lunch because you're fucking them, then yes, that's cheating.
You know what’s not healthy? Not listening to your partner and not growing tf up.
Here’s the better question. Why would a woman your age chase a man who is clearly not that into her? Think about that. We date to see if we’re compatible. Why are you chasing this?
She said bodily fluids, oil and lube, so I can only take it to assume anal etc. It's interesting to me, playing the sex up, and expecting more aftercare. If she enjoys it, then great, but I read this as she wants aftercare as a form of “exchange.” If a couple doesn't cuddle, talk, etc following sex, then it further leads me to believe there's more communication or relationship things that they just aren't on the same page/love language on. I don't think all men will admit it, but most crave that following intimacy just as much as women do, and this is usually when men are their most vulnerable for sharing, so maybe he really is using her for his own needs.
Yeah that sounds like some bullshit. Real talk is this guy worth the stress? You are young this the best time for a woman imo. No kids and the biological clock isn't ticking(not that you have to reproduce ever). As long as you pay your bills on time have fun and don't waste time on people who will drag you down.
I’d bet by just your comments alone that you’re going to be still single in five years and wondering why you “cAnt fInD a GoOd ParTner”
Do what makes you happy. Anyone who cares about you will want that.
A bunch of Christian holidays were grafted onto earlier pagan ones. Thus bunnies and eggs for Easter—they make zero sense on a holiday devoted to the resurrection of Christ but make a lot more sense as part of the earlier pagan spring fertility holiday. This now concludes today’s episode of “almost certainly more than you wanted to know”
Appreciate you. This is my “throwaway” account so to speak. Hope to keep ya updated eventually
It's only a deal breaker if it ends the relationship when the person does it. This clearly isn't a deal breaker for you, it's just something you don't want him to do. So you need to decide if him taking a random hit off a vape once in a while is really worth ending your relationship over.
It's only a deal breaker if it ends the relationship when the person does it. This clearly isn't a deal breaker for you, it's just something you don't want him to do. So you need to decide if him taking a random hit off a vape once in a while is really worth ending your relationship over.
If You don't like it
move on
I’m trying to understand what in your marriage you are saving when your husband worked NAKED to try to buy some stray skin. Is he not getting any at home? Is he I secure about his life or work? Because if he’s always been weak minded then you need to protect your family from his stupidity. It might be easier to leave apart and not have angry pimps knocking at your door. Peace is worth the divorce paperwork.
I swear, that whole “Love language” thing has done so much harm. “Acts of service” is not love, it is people pleasing, and people pleasers get walked all over. Yes it is good for couples to do things for each other, yes it can be a sign of love, but ONLY when it is mutual and returned in equal measure. Does he do anything for you in return? Is it in any way equal to what you do for him? Or are you the only one giving in this relationship?
It doesn't work like this if he's been living there. He would need to be legally evicted, and if his name is on the lease that's likely not going to happen without a violation of that lease.
You’re right, I feel silly for considering this. Do you think it’s a good idea to tell him about this? I don’t hide anything from him but I feel like this may potentially hurt him?
You've been dating for five months and have had arguments? As in, plural sessions of arguing? This is supposed to be the most blissful time in a relationship…
Naked truth to swallow thank you.
is the bride the pregnant person? because if not, sorry, it sucks to suck, but i guess they can’t make it to your wedding. you can’t restructure your WEDDING around ONE guest!
FWBs are for people who are sexually attracted to each other but have no romantic feelings whatsoever. Point being, you can't really do this with an ex. You'll never move on as long as you're still letting this guy use you for sex. Plus, at some point he'll find someone he wants a relationship with and he'll stop having sex with you (and that'll be when it'll really start to hurt).
My last bf told me on our 2nd date that he was a father. This one is a liar. Don’t reward him with your time.
My only statement to a situation like this. No way in hell. Period.
Chalk it up to experience and move on.
Try to use the lessons from this relationship by being better in your next relationship.
This girl is not available any longer. Trying to win her back will just land you in the middle of someone else's drama.
When my then 25 year old daughter's boyfriend showed up at my door asking me to intervene when she dumped him, I said no. I told him I valued my relationship with my daughter too much to risk it. Stay out of it.
Fair enough. Then we will reduce that to 'just keep an eye on it' for now.
My mother was an alcoholic. She chose alcohol over the family.. In her mind it was not a problem. I wish my father had taken us and left her. During my senior year of high school, she abandoned us. My father died 18 months later. In those 18 months, we were so happy and relaxed and our home felt safe for the only time in our lives.
You and your child will never be chosen first in the family. Addictions will come first until he recognizes it is a problem. Your forgiveness and holding the marriage together will always fall to you if you stay. It is enabling his addiction because it must not be that bad if you stay…. There needs to be consequences.
For the sake of you and your child, I hope you get out while you still can have a full and happy life.
He’s probably not that into you, move on
He said marriage.. theyre already in a long term relationship
He is hung up on the fact that he might beholden to you but I guarantee if the tables were turned he'd be demanding you pay more than your fair share to online in his house.
Concerned he's being a bit used and abused here
Why is “because he’s abusive” not an acceptable explanation for you? How is it not clear? The “more” to your problems are the clarity you seek. He doesn’t love you, and denying you emotional and sexual intimacy is part of the abuse.
Uh-oh, you quack like a duck Rapey-Lloyd!
Your boyfriend is a man child who clearly doesn't care about you as much as you think he does. There are only girls on my dad's side, so the last name would die with us too. My husband was not only okay with hyphenating, he offered to do it, with my last name being last. So, let's say his last name is Smith and mine is Jones. He was willing to be Smith- Jones. That's the kind of man you need.
He asked you if you molested children, yes I’d say that’s a weird ass thing for him to say/for that to be the first response to your story.
Don’t know how deep you are into this relationship, but this is a major red flag. Either cut your losses and move on if she can’t be honest with you, or get into couples counseling ASAP.
you’ve got more balls than he does. move right the frick on, you can’t make someone respect you when it’s obvious they already don’t. cut your losses bae!
I want to trust her… I just don’t know how to handle this situation. I appreciate you respond to me and not being really mean about it. Trust me.
But you haven’t really answered my question. How can I be remorseful but express my feelings too?
I guess we could use therapy, if we want this to work…