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Tom and Jane, 20 y.o.
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Date: October 5, 2022
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If you are tired of his attitude, there is two choices. You can have the conversation about how he needs to stop being a child or you take a break and recollect yourself. If he is triggering you though, b might be what you need.
Bro PLEASE… read these comments. We are real people with real life experience.
If she really did love you, this would never would cross your mind. If she does have urges, she will find a way.
You need to make up your mind if you want to be a player(Chad & Tyrone) or a relationship person that doesn't stand for b.s. Once, this decision is made, you can proceed with your life. You are still young, so, the women will keep hitting on you for the next 30 years.
But that’s exactly what he said though. I won’t go as far as saying he’s racist, but the issue is the race of the participants. He had no issue sending a vid with just white people to her, but when she sent one with people who looked like her it was an issue.
Yes something doesnt seem right, right here…I wish i knew what those issues are ? I support her in every way because im all she has and is still not enough.
Sounds like more than just your arm is miserable…
Really though, I'm sorry to hear all that. I can certainly empathize though. I joke that no argument is too small that it can't lead to her threatening to leave if I stand my ground.
I certainly don't want to keep having these arguments over the next ten years. I'm certainly taking your cautionary tale to heart.
Sounds like you have a lot of changes in the near future. Best of luck navigating those.
This question isn't about whether you send money now, it is about what happens if the relationship continues and you marry or have kids with her.
If you don't want to be her family's financial support, you two need to sit down and discuss the issue seriously. Remember that you have retirement funds to prepare, houses to buy, kids to raise, etc. The savings that you put away now can go towards important life things that you will need for your life together.
Honestly, when I read the headline, I thought that the girlfriend's family might still be living in a low-income country, where a little money by US standards would go a long way. But they're not; they are currently in the US and have the same access to its job market that you do.
I 100% see that now in hindsight. This was my first/only relationship and I had my own trauma that meant I was willing to put up with it. Thank you. ?
She will cheat again and again and again. Deal with the heartbreak now and prosper in the future my dude.
You guys should get loans and both go to school at the same time. This arrangement isn’t fair to him.
The solution is right in front of you
If you don’t pay it she can’t text you anymore. Done and dusted
Let her distance herself from your boyfriend. Maybe talk to her and see if she's willing to only interact with you without him around.
She needs the distance to get over this unhealthy crush.
Sounds like a terrible idea. Crossing a lot of professional boundaries. Just get a therapist if you have relationship issue. Therapy is about teaching you to communicate better, not to air grievances and get input on who may be right. Good marital counseling will guide you to solve issues on your own together.
Join hobby groups if you want friends.
You’re being clingy. Let the man breathe!
First, get an STD screening immediately.
Second, she told you how she felt, you didn't reciprocate. That's fine. Respect her decision and leave her be.
I’ve heard a lot about what she does for you and what you want her to do for you… apparently on the sole basis of her having a vagina and it’s a lot. What, pray tell, do you do for her? Aside from earn $14/hr while insulting her education?
I don't see why you need to stop.
First off, every person wants to have sex regardless of whatever else they want. Yes, it's totally possible that he's only looking for sex, at which point he would only have sex with you. But it's equally plausible that he wants to have a fulfilling lifelong relationship with you, at which point he would want to… Have sex with you, because that's part of what a fulfilling life long relationship includes. You cannot back-engineer his motivations from this particular action.
Second, think about dating in general. What are you looking for? Obviously, someone to have sex with. Additionally, someone who loves you, someone who you love, and someone you want to build a future with. (Ideally, they would all be the same person.) And, very importantly: someone who also wants these things. Because, yeah, you can meet the perfect guy, but if he's gay, or already married, or just isn't attracted to you, then none of it matters, you're not getting anywhere with him. He has to want you just as much as you want him. And, just like you're looking for signs that he's excited about you, he's looking for signs that you're excited about him.
Having sex on the second date can absolutely be one of those signs.
This is why I said you can't back-engineer his motivation. Having sex with you could mean that he wants to stay with you forever, and it could also mean that he plans to be one and done. The exact same action can mean completely different things. So you need to find out the meaning. That's the only way to move forward.
I will leave you with one parting anecdote. A little more than 9 years ago, I went on a first date. I was more excited for this date than I had been in a long time, because the amount of chemistry and compatibility was pretty outrageous; we felt comfortable talking about just about anything, we shared a lot in common, and she even sent me some nudes. I remember pacing back and forth in front of the restaurant, waiting for her in a froth that was equal parts excitement and anxiety: “This could be it. This could be my happily ever after. I haven't even seen her face yet and I can already tell that there are higher odds of this working out than I've ever had before.” Well, when she arrived, I saw her face for the first time… And when, barely 4 hours after that, we had sex for the first time, I knew she was just as excited about me as I was about her.
On the third anniversary of that moment, I was driving her home from our wedding.
small lego sets! you can probably find some in the $10 range
The kind of guy that cares about one’s sexual resume won’t accept that answer.
Maybe try couple’s therapy? And you should really try individual therapy too. You have some serious self-worth issues.
I understand the concept of Dom and Sub, but I never heard it used in such a self-degrading way as you di.
Your Dom is your husband, there is no need to call him your Dom the whole time…
He is on the home loan but not the land.
On second read, this makes no sense to me. Why would someone who plans to live! at the property co-sign instead of being on the deed. This is something that parents do, not partners. Most likely, she is lying to you about this.
It sounds like arrangements for the property have not been decided at all. She is not going to be available for a relationship until the property and custody have been sorted.
She “ended” things in December.
5 months is an awfully short time to be this into it. Was she “kinda” with you before she “ended” things in December?
Honestly I'm wondering how to upgrade your concern.
This isn't a mistake – people don't forget that they gave away more than twice the amount they asked about to their spouse.
Putting your money into your own account is a good idea, but I feel like your not supposed to marry someone with this many red flags flying.
The situation with the friend is also concerning beyond a doubt. Assuming what you know about the situation is true your SO is quite comfortable supporting a friend who is being deceptive with their partner about money (puts on the money being the pair of them doing something unholy)
I'm actually pretty worried about you OP the fact that you even considered putting your own money into your own count could be considered abusive – suggests to me that the gaslighting has been going on for some time.
I agree and disagree – if they really only closed their relationship 2 months ago, then it’s very possible that she previously identified as poly and agreed to monogamy thinking it would be okay, but then realized shortly thereafter that it’s not for her. Polyamory is very much not for everyone, but for those who do identify that way, being in a monogamous relationship may feel stifling or like it’s grating against their desires. And that’s okay – just poly people should be with other poly people and not with monogamous ones.
Just keep enjoying each other's company and see what happens. Don't overthink it. When you get to around 25-30 the age gap starts to matter less. At one point you can have a conversation about it if it's still seem like something she is eerie about.
Married or not the laws change and people can get screwed especially if you made it your home or feel emotionally attached to the property. Being married can protect you with a set of property division laws but it depends on where you live!. Find out what the law is from a lawyer who does property stuff and get a contract. Or break up because he is a mama's boy whose mom is gossiping. Also tell his family to talk to him or stuff it with that. They Do not come at you over stuff this woman feeds them. Not your circus not your monkeys.
That implies that she is the authority in the marriage does it not??
Cool. Not about you though.