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Tomas&Mateo, 22 y.o.
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Date: November 27, 2022
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Send congratulations but decline to attend! Theres already a big gap in your relationship that it would be weird for you to attend. My instincts tells me and I hate to say it, but if he wasn’t nice to you, then chances are he was jealous of you and may have helped in your relationship collapsing. She may have never noticed it if he was subtle.
Can you not afford an apartment or something? Trailer?
Stay strong. Kick him in the nuts 🙂
He was sexually abused and wanted to record evidence duh
I've never done anything other than split the bill on a first date. One time I paid the whole bill for a meal but on the understanding she would buy drinks that same evening. I've never had it be an issue, even with people who were otherwise aggressively weird about gender roles (which I would consider this sort of thing a huge red flag for).
This feels like a specific cultural thing tbh. Same for the people replying that inviting someone out means implicitly agreeing to foot the entire bill for whatever you do. It's already hard enough to organise group outings without having to navigate around some weird rule that means you get massively taxed for making a direct suggestion.
It was none of your business you violated her privacy so you deserve to be lied to
He doesn't get a pass just because he's young. He's an adult and should know better.
I’m a 6’ man in the Army and 200lbs is considered overweight. I need to get taped to confirm body fat %.
But if she is 5’6” she should weigh 160lbs on the high end. If she’s 5’ she should weight 130lbs.
75kg is 165lbs.
Honestly OP doesn’t sound overweight.
Read all of this in the perspective of your friend telling you their problem.
You need to let go. Your needs arent being met in any way even when you try to communicate about it. You basically already cheated with the hard exchanged. You are young and deserve someone who wants you the way you want them. Time to break up
What a sick fuck. Leave.
Good luck.
Eventually, your former best friend will get screwed over by her. You can enjoy the schadenfreude at that point while you snuggle in close to your next gf or a pet or just your own damn self. Whatever you snuggle into, it's going to treat you better than either one of them has so you're way better off.
I’m confused. So what does she like or what are her interests? Does she have any? or does she just always does what you like to do and then you get upset that she has never heard of it?
I have a similar but mild situation like this and it doesn’t bother me anymore. Personally, I would like to read more, I have a ton of books but I lack focus and endurance enough to finish a book. My bf however, thinks books are a waste of time. But he’s by no means stupid. He just doesn’t like to read, he’d rather read an article that is short or listen to something or watch a movie adaption of a book than to read a whole novel to get to an ending. His preference is: he wants the result/ending right away not that he’s illiterate.
Education-wise, I have a doctorate and my bf has a high school degree. But we can still talk about topics and offer individual opinions and if he doesn’t know something I have more expertise on, I explain it. Now on the topic of movies though, he has watched far more movies I have, and references a lot of movie lines/quotes and he has given be shit about “how have you not seen that classic movie? You don’t know where that line is from?” Granted, I have seen a lot of popular movies but I do NOT remember details or individual lines even though I’ve actually seen it some years ago. I’ve talked to him about this, it’s an insult for making me feel like I’m stupid for not having watched some popular movie or not remembering. In the 8 years I decided to study full-time, it’s clear he had more time to watch movies etc. He understands this now and instead of making me feel like I’m “uncultured” we watch old movies or will rewatch a movie I’ve forgotten, together, so I can understand where his references are from and why they’re so memorable for him.
I think this is about putting in an effort to actually see what she likes and see if she’s open to experiencing with you the things you or she likes or you guys can find a new shared hobby together. But if you look down on her for not being “cultured” or knowing pop culture or things that you do, then you guys are simply incompatible and there’s no “fixing” that.
Therapy is ALWAYS worth it.
As for his reason… That's such a weak reason. “Can't control it” is such a lie. He could delete the apps, find ways to control the urges. Go to porn instead if that's not a boundary for you and your relationship. There is ALWAYS ways to handle that differently.
If 1k isn’t much in the grand scheme, just pay it. You are definitely getting out ahead on this deal. Splitting hairs will ruin your relationship at this rate.
Fair call ?
This company's morning team meeting start off like this.
“Good morning everyone. Thanks for showing up on time this Monday. I hope everyone had a great weekend. So let's get right to business. Raise your left hand if you came this weekend, or right hand if someone came in you. “
Bow chicka wow
I'm genuinely asking.
If I found out my friend was best friends with an outright racist I would definitely have a worse opinion of him.
It'd crazy how people will say it'd sad that men don't help women In abusive relationships. Now you have a man trying to help his sister while his girlfriend is literally telling her to fuck off, and women are like, yeah fuck her. JFC. Are you the girlfriend?
This can’t be real lol what a douche ?
I was with a female version of this…I was targeted by her because I didn't have family around and she worked hard at isolating me from the strongest part of my support network. I didn't realize what happened until it was too late. The physical violence usually comes, but it comes later, after you're really trapped, usually by not wanting to leave a child. I can't even express the depths of sympathy I have for someone who is in a situation like this.
leaving me in a foreign country with no phone.
You repeated this a lot in your post. This is on you. In the year 2023 you didn't think it would be useful to purchase as easily available pre-paid phone or sim card before even leaving the airport?
The whole thing is toxic.
THEY ONLY WANT YOU AROUND TO BUY THE KIDS CRAP!!
Your sisters have shown you that all your good for is providing for the kids at holidays and birthdays. The kids even know that. Let's be real, if they didn't like you, why invite you to their birthdays? Because you provide cook gifts with all the money you have that they are resentful of.
Your parents are only concerned about themselves. They are literally telling you to allow your sisters to treat you like shit, poison their kids about you, and do things to exclude you so your sisters aren't mad at YOUR PARENTS???
Why would your sisters keep your parents from seeing the kids cause YOU stopped talking to them? WHY WOULD THEY CARE IF YOU STOPPED TALKING TO THEM WHEN THEY OBVIOUSLY DONT WANT TO?
Don't worry about making your parents upset, they don't care about your feelings, only themselves and your sisters feelings.
Why are you still a woman who cheated on you?
Look similar, as in identical twins? Only way that is believable.
And press charges
As you live! so far away from each other, that would be even more of a reason for him to reassure you and put your mind at ease. But it seems that he is telling you things to make you feel anxious, disrespected, betrayed.
LDR are usually naked, and you don't have much apart from the perceive commitment… but the one thing, the ONE thing you CAN ask is for loyalty, for reassurance of that commitment. If you don't have that… what do you have?
I am sorry to say this, but he seems to demonstrate signs of emotional manipulation. Please look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder (grandiose or covert) – and see if/how many of the stuff he does and how he makes you feel match the check list.
You’re not his girlfriend, you’re his ride.
Why you out here demanding women to have big boobs and wear makeup to be worthy of attraction? You are literally body shaming. You go ahead and tell women with A or B cups that men who find them attractive are pedos. Go for it.
You guys are both so young and your history together really highlights that. I'm a little confused why you got married when it seems things were so volatile?
If you're marriage is so awesome I'm a little confused on why you're actually considering breaking up, there must be more to it other than insecurity?
Was she cheating up until you got married? I'm a little unclear on what you're meaning in your post.
I know this is quite a leap, but tenure at his age.. the guy is very very clever. He may have very strong feelings / thoughts about his field, to such a strength he may not be able to control, or talk about it rationally (does he show any signs of autism?) But get the discussion back on the table calmly and hear him out, get him to talk
He does not date other women now. He dates you and is fixated on your “virginity” NOW.
Do you think it'll be different with any other girl should you break up?
He didn't change, he was always a rapist. Most people are pretty good when they're not being bad, we don't live! in a world full of Disney villains. But that doesn't take away from the fact that you were raped. If you don't want to be raped again, get away from this guy. But now you know what he is. He knows you won't report him to the police. It's only a matter of when he does it again.
I’m sorry, you’re not going to like this but you need to put a full stop to your feelings here. She is in a position of power over you and could easily be fired for sexual harassment. You are also ignoring the fact that she is married.
While fantasies are fine, leave it at that. If you act on these feelings, you could blow up her life. If you care about her at all, stay friends only. Having good boundaries here will help both of you stay in your lanes.
I think you’re right. But I don’t wanna lose him through this. I really want the therapy to start soon and then he will join me. He does say he’s patient with me cause he loves me. I mean I do believe it when he says he loves me and I sure have ups and downs. But the downs are very tough
INFO: why did you get pregnant with someone who is fooling around with someone else???
I think you’re right. But I don’t wanna lose him through this. I really want the therapy to start soon and then he will join me. He does say he’s patient with me cause he loves me. I mean I do believe it when he says he loves me and I sure have ups and downs. But the downs are very tough
He's a misogynist.
Find a guy who doesn't treat women with disdain.
Thx i rlly need the luck. I'll update the situation when we meet him
Thank you very much! That kind of deep and loving conversation may be just what we need because I want to fight for him, he is 100% worth it.
i can show you the call logs from this morning if you don’t believe me.
Okay that changes everything.
Origionally I was going to say to give her latitude because cruises can be tremendously overstimulating for some people.
But OP, your wife has very very real issues. You need to get out before this relationship becomes any more abusive than it already is.
Yeah, but they let her go from a production that was already in rehearsal. After giving her no notes about her supposed bad performance. I understand wanting things in writings, but that's in combination with a sit down.
And also as an email.
The way he treats me, when it’s just us
I mean, you said y’all had a falling out bad enough that you were staying at your parents and she was ghosting you…clearly something was up.
What led to that and were you the only one pushing to resolve things? (I assume that’s likely since she was ghosting, but could wrong)
My used to tell me I was crazy and everyone thought I was crazy when I suspected he was cheating. I'm sorry but he's cheated. Don't let him mess with your mental health as well as disrespecting you. The man is trash
What!? What he said makes no sense. He won’t tell you who the woman was because you might tell the wife, but he’s already told you his friend cheated so what’s to stop you telling the wife?
Call his bluff. Tell him he has to call his friend right there and then and tell him that he’s cutting off all contact because he (the friend) is a scumbag. Then tell him he has to contact the wife and let her know what happened. Tell him if he won’t then you can’t stay with someone who will support infidelity. If nothing else the mental gymnastics he makes to try and justify himself and not do what you asked, will be entertaining.
Also bisexual woman here. Married. I wouldnt go around kissing other chicks. Its cheating.
Dont let her tell u otherwise or say its a mistake or that she just needed to be sure she likes girls.
Those are all excuses. There isnt an excuse for cheating.
So that's okay to read her social media? To me it's you OP who isn't trustworthy
No. If there's a problem you talk about. Cheating is never excusable, it's always shitty behaviour.
In another view. To be honest, I used to be like that. I grew up in a very white neighborhood and used racist slurs when I became accustomed to it through being around it.
Specifically, this dude seems like a dud, but people do change. It wasn't until I joined the Army and learned about diversity before I realized what I was doing was wrong. Then I got with this girl, and she's taught me also to see otherwise.
Some people just need a push to see the error of their ways, but others are just incompetent to change.