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Tyler, 99 y.o.
Location: anotherguyonyourscreen @ gmail . com
Room subject: cum at goal!:) @64 | shirt off@30 | pants off@39 | stroke@44 | stroke@55 Tip in order from 1 to 64. Next tip: 28 #seqwithgroup
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Date: October 17, 2022
Agreed. We’ve talked about it before. I’m just worried because we both know we don’t want children now.
But you are saying she should have known he'd assault her right? Your saying dating him shows bad decision making and that you would have known better. Your using her assault as proof that she has bad judgment.
have you looked into polyamory or non monogamy? it’s having multiple consensual partners at once; i don’t want to spheel but you may consider looking into it
You say it, just like that. If communication is truly so good between you two then it should be no problem. Alone time is a completely normal thing to want. But unless you clearly state what you want, how can you expect anyone to know?
It's cute you thought she wanted him to be her friend.
I don’t think you’ve out-cooled her, actually. I think you’re just desperate for her to think that.
Frankly, you sound incredibly insecure and still jealous of her.
I would not be comfortable with him earing lunch with her. That is beyond disrespectful to you and your marriage. As far as the party? After only finding out about this a month ago? Not a chance in hell. That's not even enough time for you to fitler your through your thoughts and emotions.
Do not attend this party. Your spouse should plan something that night for the two of you. Something that bonds you together. He is being an inconsiderate ass. He should be looking for another job. Because every day that he leaves for work. You'll be thinking about the two of them together. That's a normal reaction to exposing an affair. His reactions are not normal for wanting to save a marriage. You and your marriage should be first and foremost always.
His complaints and excuses need to stop. He needs to think about you and what he did to you. It sounds like he's just waiting for you to get over it. That will never work. He needs to work towards fixing what he destroyed. And, yes, destroyed is the correct word if he's reading this.
Yep?
But it’s the longest one, surely that has to count for something?
“Not taking no for an answer” is rape, full stop. Spousal rape is a huge and ALL too common violation and in many ways it is more traumatic than acquaintance rape is. But you seem to think that her ex raping her is the natural and understandable result of her sexual problems, and haven't considered the possibility that it is the cause of them. OP's behavior around sex could EASILY be triggering OP's partner's trauma and he even understands that on some level–that is why he brought her trauma up. But instead, you look at the trauma that is the result of her rape and use it to retroactively speculate on the cause of her rape, and even appear to use it to justify her rape.
And no, OP never said that his partner stopped having sex with her ex during the relationship. You assumed that, and assumed that is why her ex raped her. All we know is that some number of times, she said no to sex, and he then forced her into sex anyway. They may well have had a sexual relationship outside of those times. Most of my female friends who are or have been in relationships DO frequently consent to sex with those men–they just sometimes don't, and sometimes when she doesn't, he rapes her. Or sometimes he asks, and sometimes he doesn't give her the chance to say no. You don't seem to understand spousal/partner rape at all.
Congratulating OP for not engaging in rape also gives the strong impression that you think rape is, at best, significantly less unacceptable than it actually is.
“I didn't mean to run over your foot so it shouldn't hurt because I love you and it wasn't intentional”
Mfs take shots ALL day long with girls who ain't even worth less than half of what a celebrity is & dgaf. So YES sir I'm taking my shot with Henry Cavil, just like my man would take his shot with Jessica Biel.
Sometimes things are too good to pass up ?♀️ deal with it.
It kind of sounds like she’s threatening to kill your dog if you don’t get rid of him. Winter in Minnesota? And she was willing to ditch the other animal without a tear. What happens if the baby cries too much?
Yup. Classic narcissist. The gaslighting “I didn't say that”, also classic narcissist. I fear for the kids but OP needs to leave. I bet the kids' mom already knows what a POS he is. Hopefully she'll protect the kids and be there for them because his AH tendencies are going to be focused on them.
Why did you even make this post then, if you're not gonna listen to any advice? He's already done it multiple times. Cheaters don't change.
Yep you're right and that warrants me being kicked out of the house and being in the cold at 1.23 in the night while wearing a t-shirt and shorts.
Theres more to it. Which would explain my reaction
It's not something i'm necessairily proud of, it's just who i am.
So this is your first misstep. This is not something inherent in a person. This is learned behavior. This isn't “just who you are” but instead it is something you learned. If it was just who you are then you might as well give up the quest right now because it would be an essential part of you. As something you learned, well then you can unlearn it. It won't be easy, but it is possible.
I have an exceptionally good memory, and the consequence of that is that i've learned to trust my memory when it comes to facts more than anyone else's, because i'm usually correct.
This is not the problem.
“i don't think this is true, i've only heard about x”, she said “i'm certain this is true”.
Nor is this.
“well, i never heard of this, but i can't know for certain because i never had paid vacation in my life”
So this is where you start to show the issue. You probably said this with a smarmy “I'm always right and I'll trust myself well before I'd ever consider trusting you” tone of voice to go with it. You'd have been much better off stating the second half of your statement without the first half. “Well I wouldn't know because I've never had a paid vacation in my life, being a contractor.”
What you really need to do is lose this part of your argument.
because i'm usually correct.
You don't actually know for sure that this is true. What you have found out is if you state your opinion as fact firmly enough most people will just shut up. And then you never hear their opinion on it, or any alternative facts, or anything going against what you have said. You aren't actually correct more often. You are just shutting out facts other people know. This is what you need to learn to correct in yourself. Start by opening yourself up to the possibility you don't actually know everything, and instead cultivate an attitude of actively seeking out other opinions and new information. Remember if your mouth is open, your ears are closed, and start listening without interjecting. It will take practice. And perhaps friends willing to speak up and remind you when you are speaking over other people. But it can be done. Maybe you should practice by listening to podcasts, programs, or videos that discuss things you actually don't know that much about, things where people discuss issues you don't have direct experience with. Remind yourself how little experience you have in the world compared to the composite of everyone else in the world by exposing yourself to knew ideas and knew experiences by listening to the experiences of other people who don't look like you.
I’m digging at OP for calling this dude her partner. He’s not a partner.
And regardless of OP getting an abortion, her boy friend still had sex with her without a condom. He knew the consequences. He fucked around and found and and now doesn’t want to deal with the repercussions.
Download tik tok and start finding those attractive men who will make him feel bad. He’s a pos and need a taste of his own medicine and don’t turn away from him, do it right in front of his face.
When he gets the message and start talking about a ‘social media’ break for the two of you, tell him to go F off and kick his ass out.
yeah the first post was removed buh it was all in paragraphs and i cldnt b asked to write it out all again so i jus copy and paste
They're in their thirties. I was fully expecting it to be two people in their late teens/ early twenties. This is a toxic dumpster fire of a relationship.
this comment is a really nice reminder for people who struggle with bringing things up. thanks.
He will 100% do it again. I know you don’t want to break up but if you go back to him, it will show him there are no consequences. That you tolerate this behaviour. There are some things that should be dealbreakers and this is absolutely one of them.
I’ve read through many of the comments and your responses. Please stop being so naive and protect yourself. There are many other men out there, that would never consider treating you like that.
Stop tolerating shitty and abusive behaviour. Raise the bar for what treatment you accept from your partners.
You might just need different (more) friends. One for inside jokes. Another to shoot the shit, another for movie watching. Took me a long time to realize it wasn’t fair to expect one person to give me all that. He was trying to catch you. You can’t know if he wasn’t romantically interested if he would have done that so you can’t compare other “friends” to this. Good luck in your search. Fall into your super random hobbies. That will help in finding new people to stitch with
It's interesting that Mary keeps throwing herself at Wife's guys. Sister may be prettier, but I guarantee you wife is more beautiful.
I did. I raised these concerns yesterday after HE initiated the conversation in the morning. He left me on read for hours. I asked him if we could talk on the phone about it instead, he said he was busy but “another time we could”. I ended it. He said i am only ending it because i'm not getting my way and its inconvienient to me that he can't talk about it right now. I blocked him and I'm done. Enough of this bs. He roped me into a conversation then twisted it to be about me being unreasonable. Psychotic.
You're overlooking the fact that the two of you have unhealthy patterns of behavior in your relationship. Should you get back together, these patterns would cause the relationship to fall apart yet again.
For example, she can be controlling and manipulative. And you seem to have trouble communicating how you feel with her, and that pushes her away. So even though you love each other, you are unable to make the relationship work.
Note that these relationship patterns are due to personal issues that will affect all of your relationships. So it's really important to concentrate on personal development in order to have healthy relationships in the future.
From your point of view, the most important thing right now is to get back with your girlfriend. But years from now, after you've had other relationships, you'll likely see this situation a lot differently. Hopefully, you'll be able to view this relationship as the motivation you needed to work on yourself.
I think it'd be better for you guys to move on completely. I totally empathize with loving her and wanting things to work, but it doesn't sound lile you two were ever that compatible.
For the record, breaks aren't a thing. They are almost always just prolonged breakups, so don't do that again. It's nude on your emotional well-being and self esteem.
This is going to hurt, and im sorry to say it, but if she asked for a break and was dating some other guy, then it was never really about working on herself. She wanted that connection that you two just don't have.
You need to let her go. You had a good run but you're going to find someone so much better for you. This person will actually feel your love and won't feel the need to pull away from you when times are tough.
It's going to be okay.
I need to stop seeing her though? I can’t keep going?
That's not an accident they wanted you to hear it
Maybe someone should report OP to the police? Or dude is on heavy drugs and doesn’t understand what “literally means”
I get it mate, but don’t lose yourself in a bottle, it’s a waste of your time & your time is far too valuable.
Trust me, I wasted years like that.
First of all, this is a dumbest excuse for cheating. Not buying it, to be honest.
Second of all, you dad is, if that's true, a pervert and you being inclined to keep this person around your potential kids is alarming as well.
I'd advise your girl to say goodbye to you, your perverted family, and block y'all faster than one can say CPS.
In your understanding, is 'temporary BD flareups' a category level that is manageable, and can be reasonably fixed? I'm seeking a psychologist, but it seems you have an educated opinion. So I am interested in hearing it.
Judging by the information above, I would assume 'temporary BD flareups' is the case. I.E. in this scenario, she was (A) triggered by a very specific event, (B) was under the influence of too much alcohol, and (C) was on her period. Driving the explosion. Outside of limited events, she is almost always completely fine for levels of BPD.
It's kind of disappointing how accurate the information is in your link. Of the 18 BPD warning signs, 1, 2 , 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 14, 16, and 18 are recognizable. To be clear, she's not doing all those all the time. For example, she's not always the victim. Often, she can identify when she is to blame, and will apologize. But she can be nude to reason with sometimes when it comes to fault, and it is not uncommon that it will take an apology from me first, and a few days, for her to realize her contribution. Even if I didn't do anything wrong – I.E. her getting jealous over something that is unreasonable.
There are some things that are absolutely true all the time. Like having friends. It is likely hard for her, being an immigrant and a traveling nurse. But to be clear, she has absolutely no friends outside of her family she actively keeps in touch with (number 16). She had just 2 when I met her. Both where long distance. Both she flipped from being very close to them, to not liking them at all (number 1). That stood out to me a bit, as I have always found her lack of interest in making new friends odd. It's beyond introversion – she doesn't have any, and doesn't want any. She just needs her family, and me. Putting me in the center of her life (number 14), which ironically I always kind of adored. But knew was unhealthy.
Thank you for all your help. Seriously.
Is this for real? I'd be like byeeeee ??
Your man is bisexual. Period. And for whatever reason he’s not comfortable being openly gay so this is gonna keep happening. He didn’t have sexual relations because he was in a bad spot. He did it because he’s bi and he likes d. Simple.
If he has done this before you then does he swap them out whe he gets a new one? Maybe he likes the feel of it and only takes one off when he gets a new one; or maybe he is into a girl who likes stealing guys so hes using that to insinuate that he's taken without saying it.
It's the original perspective, but just another of the many that have appeared through its history of usage.
There's value in knowing the origins of something, there's also value in understanding new views. The latter are potentially richer, more relevant interpretations.
That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.
It not the original perspective of that moment, it's the second iteration, but this one matters most. Let's not be snobs about knowing some trivia.
If you marry them and say the vows it covers mental illness. Otherwise, why hold someone hostage in a marriage if you don't really mean in sickness and in health? Then write different vows I guess….
OP needs better friends jesus who would get mad at a friend for actually standing up for themselves unless they are toxic AHs themselves ?
This post is giving me the icks.
He’s literally twice your age and would not be a good person if he got into a relationship with someone who’s so young and going through all kinds of personal challenges. He should know better than to “guide you” to his bed (gross). I don’t even know why he let you move in.
Is your boyfriend named Stan by chance?
It entirely depends where you’re living. The city I’m in (not even a big one!!) has insane housing prices. A house down the road that was relatively small and needed the entire floor and much of the walls gutted went for $400,000. There are not any liveable houses, I doubt even any unliveable houses, in my area for under $100,000.
Block her, but also change your number. Change your primary email address. Change it all. Because if you don't, it costs nothing to keep generating Google Voice or Text Now numbers and email addresses to keep contacting you.
Someone who is determined has no problem doing that as many times as they need to get what they want.
Boundaries in this instance would be you ceasing to make her emotions, which are based on being overly sensitive (and narcissistic thought patterns), your responsibility to deal with. When she twists things that you say, state “I did not say that. I dont appreciate you putting words in my mouth. When you do that, I feel like im being made into the scapegoat for feelings that i did not create. I love you. I care about you and i can see that you're struggling. However, its unfair to project that on to me and I need you to address this behavior if I am to stay in this relationship. I will support you in getting help and getting better but not at the expense of my well-being.”
My guy is like this, infj. He feels bad about it but it honestly doesnt bother me. I know thats what he needs & how he is. I love & accept him. Hes 42, Im 40. Sometimes I'll see him twice a week with conversations in between when hes doing well, other times its less. I want noone else.
Well, the ultimatum will give you your answer, one way or the other.
Good luck.