[UPDATE] My (25F) best friend (24M) proposed to me. I’m confused and mortified. Where can we go from here? / HOPEFULLY FINAL UPDATE

Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/NYwOKIyv70

First Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/8eNEmoVOqh

Hey it’s me again!

Still doing okay and hoping this will be the last update I need to make (Granted I thought the last one would be the last). I did say I wasn’t going to make another update unless something significant happened. That’s why it’s been a week, so I’m sorry for the silence.

Following my update post, Jordan’s mum did message me back on Facebook, that same day. We had a chat for a little while, she’s a really nice lady 😊 She agreed though that this was incredibly out of character for Jordan, and in fact, she mentioned a few other things that she had noticed as being ‘off’ about him in the last few weeks. Nothing crazy, just things here and there she’d never known him to do or say.

I spoke with her at length about Jordan’s mental health and potential psychosis, and she told me that there is a history of mental illness on his dad’s side, including a paternal uncle’s suicide, but that she doesn’t know all that much about it because they’ve not spoken to one another in quite a long while. Our conversation lasted about an hour, I showed her Jordan’s texts etc and she agreed that they sounded quite manic, regardless of how coherent they were.

A lot of people also asked if he had told our mutual friends and acquaintances that we were dating. I did message our mutual friends, our dorm mates etc and they all basically said they’ve got no idea what I’m talking about. So it seems he’s just been sort of having these thoughts by himself without expressing them? I don’t know how to get in contact with his close friends that we don’t share, so I can’t really ask them.

Anyway, for a few days, that was it. Until yesterday evening anyway, which is where the big and positive depending on how you see it update comes.

I got word from Jordan’s mum that he had been detained under Section 136 by the police. For anyone not from the UK or who (like me) doesn’t know what that is, from what I can tell it basically means he was suffering from an obvious mental health disorder in public, with their behaviour concerning enough that they’re a danger to themselves or to others, and police think they need immediate and urgent care.

What I know from here is pretty minimal. I’m not sure where he was taken to, but his mum said that he would be there for the day while they perform a mental health assessment (so I assume that’s what they’re doing today). She said that essentially he had been out in the streets yelling about things, she didn’t specify what, and intimidating other people on the street. He was throwing things around and generally just causing a lot of issue. Police got called because people thought that he was drunk. They established he wasn’t (not sure if that’s just from how he was acting, breathalyser etc? I honestly don’t really know how it works) and that’s all I know.

His mum and I again had a chat and we sort of assume that mental health / psychosis is likely right. The rejection of the proposal probably set him into a spiral of getting worse in the last few days, bringing us to where we are right now. I do feel pretty awful about that. I’m doing my best not to blame myself, but it’s hot not to feel like I caused it.

Either way, way, he is currently with police / mental health professionals etc likely being assessed. I don’t know how the system works, so I’m not sure what will happen beyond this point. If someone with more knowledge wants to chime in, please do.

I’m hopeful though that this will mean Jordan will be able to get some help for whatever it is he is currently dealing with. My hope is therefore I won’t need to update again, and this can end here.

I have yet to speak to the university about the situation just yet. Not really sure how to / if I should approach that, so I’m leaving it be for now.

This has been a whole lot of emotions, and I really appreciate the help of everyone on my last two posts.

Again, I won’t update again now unless something major happens, but I highly doubt I will learn much more. If he gets diagnosed with anything, I’ll see if I can find out what from his mum and I’ll add it as a small update to this post, though some form of psychosis is definitely looking most likely. I don’t want to bother her while they’re struggling with this though, so we will see.

Thanks again everyone, and thanks for following along. It’s been really reassuring to have this support and people with way more understanding than I have to help me.