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Date: October 4, 2022
Honestly while you did set your boundaries, I think they suck and you dug your own grave. Why would anyone want to talk about what they masturbate to? It’s just weird.
If this is what you’re getting hung up on, you’re going to have a serious problem. I can’t imagine what other ‘rules’ you have. No one should need rules or have to define cheating. It should be obvious.
Yeah one thing I’ve learned is to never tell what the other said unless it’s positive.
Even if you think it won’t do harm it probably will, I’d say tell your sister you slipped up and told him so she knows why he’ll be acting weird.
Porn addiction isn’t real and isn’t remotely comparable to drug abuse.
Congrats on 21 🙂
If you are drinking for the first time? Meter how much you drink and try not to mix too much. That's the problem I had my first time drinking. Mixed and drank to much. Black out drunk and throwing up.
I don't like being that drunk. I drink a steady pace when I drink now lol
wow what an intelligent response, nothing i say is abusive but good try though. ?
You really need to leave if you don't want to become a statistic. He's going to kill you. He started pretty early on in your relationship. You also need therapy because if this is what you accept for “love” you probably have some serious issues yourself. Keep yourself safe.
I think you should just spice stuff up and try a interesting date. The healthy part is long term. Roller coasters are a phase.
This sounds like addict behavior. She can point the finger at you to take the spotlight off her terrible behavior. Stick with your first instinct – this is not someone you want in your life. Change as an adult is extremely difficult and it takes naked work, therapy, accountability. Yet she’s doing nothing but pills and lying so this isn’t going to get any better.
My first question – does your bf have a therapist or does he believe in therapy as being helpful? He sounds a lot like my partner in that his anxiety and self-doubt can very easily overwhelm him, so he avoids doing the thing until he's pressed to, freaks out a bit, or abandons the project altogether. It's difficult and very frustrating at times.
I don't think you're asking for too much, either – but I wonder if he can handle that sort of pressure right now, particularly if he doesn't have someone “on the outside” to help him through this anxiety. You could very well be fighting this situation your entire relationship….
The big thing here is the difficulty and lack of clear communication you both need. Being that you've written your letter, was the original plan to exchange them and read apart or communicate these more difficult issues only through letters? Would you read your letter to him aloud or are you trying to avoid that because of the upset feelings that happened before?
Things to think about, you don't necessarily have to answer to me, but: Is he able to talk about things deeply without getting upset? Are you? Does he need to write the letter or just communicate his frustrations and expectations of this relationship? What's the true outcome you're looking for? If he can't write anything down, perhaps you can read your letter to him and he can respond to how he's feeling. Not to interrupt you or justify what you're experiencing, but this way, he's “writing his letter” to you, on the spot.
Of course, it will be harder this way, but if he really wants to try anything to repair and strengthen your relationship, he needs to be open to suggestions. I agree also that you shouldn't just give up – but you should also be very clear with your feelings right now. Let him know that you need something back from him – and y'all need to clearly communicate, one way or another – or you really can't stay in limbo, wondering what's going on.
Good luck! I know it's naked, but the thing I see here is that he needs to open up more and communicate. I suppose you need to do the same? Or at least you need to learn a more effective way of communicating with him. Do you have a therapist to talk to?
Nope.
OP, I'm serious, get out of this relationship. He's just consistently gaslighting you and making it out like you're in the wrong here. You are not. LEAVE HIM. You CAN find better and be happier.
Your husband has SHOWN you that he IS putting EFFORT into cheating on you by going on dating apps and having affairs. THAT is all the proof that you need. Stop listening to pastors and other people that are trying to tell you that you're wrong. You have literal, real proof that your husband is a cheater and will put effort into cheating. You aren't imagining this. He is a cheater. Please, for your own well-being, leave him. He's trying to put blame onto you so that he can seem like the victim here. He is not a victim here. Again, leave him. He's a cheater and is gaslighting you.
You need a lawyer, not a Reddit post. She sounds terrible, but I don’t know what kind of evidence a court considers to make a determination of parental alienation. Do not move out or make any other major changes until you talk to a lawyer.
she does laundry, dishes, sweeping/mopping, and cooks. I do trash, litter box, make the bed before I leave for work, and fold the living room blankets at night before bed.
if you seriously think you're doing equal housework, switch places with her for a week!
Any guy who’s a newlywed pursuing someone should automatically make him a disgusting piece of shit. Think of that.
Have you spoken about this? Has he ever said anything to you about it?