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Room for online sex video chat vanesaxox
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Date: October 9, 2022
what is the situation
Throwing a toy at a dog seems to be normal to me. I don’t have pets though, maybe i’m missing something
I haven't brought it up yet. I know it's going to be the same argument again, and end with me being the bad guy somehow. I honestly struggled to get through work today because I kept focusing on this stuff.
I’m sorry man, that’s never easy. The good thing is that you have the world at your feet. You’re 26. You can choose to stay in the city or in, or do something completely different. The next few months will be tough, but you will feel better over time, and you can do anything from here
Your dad is entirely wrong. Save jewelry for the woman you end up choosing as your wife.
My wife and I are 12 years apart. Age gap doesn’t matter once you get outta the little kid years.
Warzone is a hell of a drug.
Classic case of not having self control and not wanting to disappoint “his boys” over taking care of his responsibilities.
100% he’s playing games all day because he knows that you won’t be mad, and even if you get upset you’ll forgive him. You need to be strong with him and give him an ultimatum. It’s not toxic. It’s tough love. Forgetting about the relationship aspect, playing games this much just isn’t healthy and I’m saying this as a hardcore gamer myself.
She ain’t an item
It wouldn’t be worth it. They could they just don’t.
Yes they get defensive because they know they are wrong but don’t want to take accountability for their actions and don’t want to stop. I deal with the exact same thing..
This doesn't sound like a gift. It sounds like a sexual demand on you, and yeah I would feel degraded by it.
I would be blunt about it, since the “gift” itself is disrespectful and inappropriate, you don't need to really worry about being polite. Your bf was not polite. He didn't care about your feeling when he bought it. So tell him openly you are both hurt and uncomfortable with the gift. That it felt degrading – yes tell him that! And that would also like a REAL gift now.
You don't have to “explain” this to him. Tell him how you feel and if he gets defensive or angry, well yikes on trikes.
Bro just end it wtf are you even doing?
I don't know your boyfriend, but this attitude is (sadly) not uncommon. Often the root cause is that they value you solely for what you do for them. They don't love you unconditionally, and your happiness is not a concern. If you're sick, you are no longer providing services to your SO. You're actually asking for something from them, even if it's as small as a glass of water.
There's a reason most marriage vows include “in sickness and health”. This guy has shown you he's not capable of making that promise.
Put any valuables in a locked room. You’d be nuts not to.
An hour 15 minute flight
Your dad is racist and deserves to know that’s why you’re skipping.
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She can make you “feel I'm not good enough”
but
You can't “make her feel better”.
Well that just no fair. The ability to make somebody feel something should be
equally distributed across the species. After all, why should girls have all the fun.
BTW: I would be curious to know how she MAKES you “not good enough”, and
how, exactly does value judgement FEEL since its intellectual and not emotional.
I also think that you need to share your own strategy for MAKING another
Human Being “Feel Better.” There is a shit-ton of Counselors and therapists
that would give anything to know That secret. Thoughts?
Why did he not show up for Christmas dinner with her family? He could have messaged from his friend's phone if it was just a phone thing?
This is not about just texting, but changing plans, not letting her know and showing he cares so little about her.
Some people have never been in relationships and it shows. The bf nuked the relationship by agreeing to come to christmas dinner with her family and then ghosting her.
Don't send any NSFW pics until he is back in town (recommend not sending NSFW pics to anyone unless you 100% trust them). Naughty/ teasing messages making him excited to come back though should be fine. Just don't push too nude or expect immediate responses because well, he is literally surrounded by friends and family for the holidays.?
You clearly do not understand and I don’t know how to convey this to you, but if she in insecure about her size (weight OR height) then hearing that her boyfriend needed to train nude to be able to pick her up will, in fact, bring up her insecurity.
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For sure. I hope you take my tone as regretful, because you deserved none of this.
Use this >
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What are you gonna do, wait until you have a serious medical issue where you need to be hospitalized or something like cancer and then be all shocked when he magically is still pretending to be sick or flat out just not helping you? This is a more serious issue than you're willing to face apparently because you're “happy” otherwise, even though your partner can't even do the damn basics of being a human being.
i mainly just feel guilty because I put him through the turmoil of a breakup just to come back and realize nothing changed. I’m not sure how to express it to him
You’ve made it clear to her that there is a line, and that when she crosses that line, she embarrasses you. She knows and she does it anyway, so on some level she does it in order to embarrass you.
Then when you call her on it, she cries, and manipulates you into apologising for having set a boundary.
The boundary you set was perfectly reasonable. Please do t second-guess that. You deserve not to be embarrassed in front of other people.
This sounds like a very unhelpful dynamic in which she co trims your behaviour and controls the narrative in public about your relationship. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who overrode my wishes like these. She is disrespecting your boundaries, which you are allowed to have.
If she thinks you are prudish, then she can end the relationship and meet someone who is as open about these things as she is. That is her prerogative.
But it’s your right to have your own comfort level and to be listened to when you say ‘you’re embarrassing ne, please don’t tell people graphic details of our sex life.’
You deserve to be with someone who respects you and cares about your feelings, and who doesn’t go into a fragile meltdown whenever she is called on a serious mistake.
This. This dudes strength probably isn't even special. Almost all men could do that. It's cool to be afraid, that's normal, but you're experiencing a paradigm shift. The world just got a lot less safe in your mind. But the good news is, you now have a more accurate judge to danger than you did a month ago. Your dude seems like a good guy. Keep him around for a while
Maybe your parents just never found themselves in a situation where they were scared for your safety? Your emotions for this boy you’ve only known for a few weeks are way too strong.
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Dump him. Unless you are blind deaf and dumb this should be all the confirmation you ever need that you should never have got back with him when you did.
This will never end. He will store this shit up for ever and keep bringing it out for an airing every time he suspects you are cheating.
Or even if you so much as smile at that sad looking 90 year old out of pity when they’re sitting on their own in the park.
Just a different thought than a lot of these responses: maybe he's mentally not well (e.g. Depression). It sounds a lot like he made stuff up in his mind and is incapable of talking to you about it.
Maybe it's possible for you to go over to his home (please don't go alone) to check on him.
Right but you're their PARENTS
You say that this seems insane to throw away over showers – but YOU would be the one doing that, because you are the one with the issue.
So really think if you think it’s insane, because it wouldn’t be her choice, it would be yours.
This enrages me ….. WTF is wrong with you that you're still with this rapist piece of shit? Want a more kind take on it – let him go to find someone who wants to make babies now.
He needs jail time for sitting on an exercise bike nude. That's vile. In all seriousness though, you should leave this guy. He's literally assaulting you by forcefully shoving his fingers in your nose and chasing you to do it. This may have been funny with his friends when he was 12, but he's an adult and it's causing you anxiety which should be enough reason for him to quit the behavior but he's not. Leave his smelly, disgusting butt in the dust.
Lol you think a 23 y/o is COO at a firm that actually pays him well.
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For 8 years, he's had to jack off to finish every blowjob?
You both need to go separate ways to compatible people. I don't see how either of you made it 8 years
OP I’m so sorry you’re going though this
Looking in, the bigger issue here, is how long are you prepared to wait for this woman to be ready to get married??
She’s 37. You’ve been together 6.5years. You’ve got a house together. If she’s not ready now, what makes you think she ever will be?
Also -Planning and then cancelling bridal parties/weddings etc sounds extremely unfair on your family and friends.
I would be very pissed off with a partner of mine treating me and my loved ones like this. And I would be thinking long and nude about why I’m staying with someone like this
So no – you wouldn’t be a jerk to tell her not to wear the ring. But that is not the main issue
I’m in the exact situation as you. Been together for 10 years. We talked about it and agreed till after college, then Covid hit and it was until I was back on my feet with a stable job. That was 2 years ago. Communication is key, even though we keep delaying the proposal, we always both knew it wasn’t a matter of “If” but “When”. Communicate with him, sit with him in a private setting and “get on the same page”
Yeahhhh…I've been working with specialists for 20 years. My allergist once said, very excitedly, “I bet you make 4× the amount of mucus as a normal person!”
I think I was more so asking for clarity about him wanting space. I consider someone asking for space as a boundary. But if the person does not vocalize they want space how am I suppose to know they set that boundary to not overstep.
Yes he did this on Christmas and funny enough he blamed it on me. He also walked out on me at dinner on my birthday this year too. It’s a pattern of his and I feel like it’s his way of humiliating me and putting me in my place.
It's insulting that you would ask if guys mind being used for sex.
He thought all you want is sex because he asked your intentions and you said “sex” both times.
There is an old saying that goes something like “never 'assume' because you make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'”
It’s highly unlikely that he would have said anything. If you hadn’t found it, you probably wouldn’t ever know.
If I hadn’t been told by a dear friend that I was being lied to about other women my ex had hooked up with, I would never have known about them. He confirmed this, too.
I asked him to step up his honesty, as he was king of lies by omission. Over the course of 12 years, he never did. All that happened was I became paranoid about when the next surprise was going to come to light. And they did come to light. Always by sources that weren’t him.
Unless this is an actual one-time anomaly and he’s willing to be completely transparent from here on, I’d spare yourself some mental gymnastics and step away from the guy.
I spent 12 years feeling “crazy”, because he consistently made me question reality. The second I left that relationship, I stopped feeling “crazy”.
Had to look way too far for this.
Listen: my grandmother has BPD and has done some wildly inappropriate shit, including hitting on my dad (her son in law).
Even she wouldn’t do something like this.
You said husband, so I have to assume that you’ve know granny for at least a couple of years – and the fact that everyone didn’t just laugh this off in a “oh, crazy gran – you never know what to expect with her!” makes me think something more serious could be happening.
Dementia can absolutely affect decision making and social skills. This should be checked out by a medical professional.
Money is one of the biggest things that end marriages. It’s good to know now how he will handle situations. I don’t see the big deal on just paying for your brakes or fixing them myself, but your bf comes off as immature and petty.
thanks!
Can’t believe anyone has sympathy for this man child. This comment section is ridiculous. Stick to your guts OP. You know what the hell is ok and what is not.
I don’t think that you should take this personally. Things said in anger hurt the most and tend to linger. That being said, I also don’t think it’s okay that she made a comment at your expense because she is trying to lose weight and is seeming to blame you for the failure before she starts.
If you both can agree on what healthy is, regarding exercise and diet, and baseline that for both of you to support doing better for each other, that’s a start for her initial trouble. If she can take responsibility for her outburst and start taking responsibility for her own feelings, instead of blaming you, then that would probably go a long way for mending the damage done.
Well that's a much much bigger issue. It's a very serious form of emotional abuse and you need to tell her you won't tolerate it . (But Don't have that conversation until a day or two from now).
You’re young. Break up. He’s too young to stay committed, and he has a wandering eye. Don’t confront him, just say these are the reasons why I am breaking up with you.
Reconsider any further investment in this romantic relationship. If she can't even make an effort, let alone Try and make it work, you are going to be made to choose at some point (further) down the line, when the decision is going to be even more difficult, or worse, might involve a second child…
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He’s a creep, your bf is a creep. Get out of that mess.
STOP doing his laundry, he can do his own laundry. STOP cooking for him: he can cook how own meals. STOP being his mother! Tell him that you did not plan on taking his mothers place and you don’t find it very attractive. Tell him that at you want a partner expect him to be your partner, EVERYTHING should be done 50/50….end of discussion, no debating it. If he die change, and you end up having a child with this big child, you will be doing a 100% of the parenting….he will not lift a hand to help you….is that what you want?
You’re pathetic ? die single, small dick loser.
My fiancé did actually want me to start doing physical activity with him and I hated it. But it’s not actually about the physical activity. Me going on walks with him shows him that I am willing to put effort into spending time with him for something he enjoys even though I may not enjoy it as much. We catch up, we talk, and it’s how he feels connected to me. Just like he is willing to put on slacks and a button-down for date night, even though he’s a homebody and doesn’t enjoy going out like I do. But it’s how I feel connected to him. Doing these things for a partner isn’t changing each other, it’s a compromise on how to make each other feel loved and supported.
But if you’ve never felt that then I don’t know what else to say. Except for probably good luck in your dating endeavors.
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I have one… Somewhere…. But it's the last thing I'd think to grab in a home invasion situation. Swinging a machete indoors sucks.
What doe she say in response?
BFFR.
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He got you in his clutches. You live! with him you have no job and it seems like no way to buy yourself anything. That is the exact position abusers like. Don't ever let anyone control your life. I'm genuinely surprised he was able to convince you to not have a job. I hope you find someone who treats you better
Oh my goodness you are not a child. You have a fever. No reason to think it’s anything but a virus. YOU’RE FINE. You need sleep and fluids, not your wife doting at your bedside.
Yeah, that's still messed up though. I would never do that to my SO.
His priorities are messed up. Sorry OP.
“He doesn't understand that my dog is small….”
And you're disgusting for defending animal abuse.
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It sounds like he is assaulting you daily. You don't want it, he does it anyway. I haven't a clue what type of advice to give if you don't want to leave him. But this is incredibly upsetting to read, I cannot imagine being in your shoes. You are being assaulted and raped in your marriage bed regularly and you've been conditioned to believe you must accept it. I'm so so sorry. Please try to leave before your daughter is old enough to realize what's happening. My heart goes out to you.
He's making her choosing instead of respecting her desire to work AND have kids. That is a trap.
Either stop smoking weed or let her go. It’s not fair to her to have a lying stoner who is too out of it to support her during major life events
No, please don’t. She’s happy, her relationship has progressed, anything you do now will seem desperate. Let her live! her live and stop comparing women to her. Go live! your life. Start fresh with what you’ve learned from it and apply the feedback to be better.
The dog I know that attacked unprovoked was a Husky.
You're not living, you're existing.
There's nothing you find fulfilling except a spouse? What a horrible, horrible life.
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Sounds like having a dog, not a partner
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And?
I did tell her to back her f*cking racist ass up and leave me alone. I took the baby and left. I was so upset thinking about how he will have to deal with that for a lifetime.
Nothing anyone can say in here. He broke your trust and your heart. That takes time and even then it may not work out. Some counseling to help you figure out how to sort out your feelings and how to regain trust
Even if he's not cheating on you, it sounds like the friend group doesn't actually like him and have been trying to cut him out for awhile. They clearly have a low opinion of him and if they think someone they barely know is too good for him… that's a very bad sign.
To add she thinks it’s not a big deal and she thinks I’m just starting things. To be clear I don’t think anything is going on nor am I insecure about it. I just don’t like it. She thinks I’m trying to start something/cause an issue while I have in the past. She feels as if I’m making her choose between her friends or me which I’m not as I stated I don’t have any issues with you having guy friends. She thinks it’s just a location/for emergency purposes.
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I had a gf like this once, only she also forbid me from talking to any single females (friend or not), no physical contact with any (also means no hugs from friends), and female coworkers weren’t allowed to become friends ? the requests start off small dude, and then they get more and more controlling
Gtfo of there
To me it sounds like he use this as an excuse to fuck other people and make you feel like shit. I will be done with this relationship. There’s literally no point in staying together for the kids. It never works. Your child will know how miserable this marriage is and it will be worse than just getting a divorce. My cousin literally told his parents to get a divorce when he was a teenager because he was so tired of seeing their miserable marriage. Why would you want to spend the next 20 years of your life with someone you no longer trust or feel safe and cared for with? Why would you want to trust someone that would believe some stupid bitch over his own wife? Don’t waste your life on someone who’s not worth it. But I honestly feel like he use this as an excuse to sleep with other people.
I think that she is used to telling lies to her strict parents and now she treats you the same. Do you want to live! your life unsure of anything she tells you? Let her go!
Yes you are his favorite doormat, probably second only to his baby mama. You already told her he’s cheating on her and she stayed, so he knows he can get away with it again if you tell her AGAIN. Your only weapon has essentially been neutralized because he baby trapped a woman probably very similar to you, someone who will put up with absolutely anything for a crumb of affection and dick. The woman he is officially with also has a kid with him, so she has more incentive to stay that the previous relationships his cheating ruined.
You have got to take a look at his actions not his words. He is going to say absolutely anything to you to keep you as a side piece. He’ll tell you he loves you for realsies, then never make you two official because he knows he can get whatever he wants out of you at a “cheaper price” so to speak. He doesn’t have to make you his girlfriend, his fiancée, or his wife. He’s getting everything out of you that he could possibly want at a bargain price. You need to cut this guy off, he’s a piece of shit.
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This is the most honest thing you can do. You both have as much freedom as each other, which seems fair
He wants kids, she dosen't, i think that is a fairly obvious reason for divorcing.
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Work on yourself. When intrusive thoughts come keep yourself busy. I would work out till I dropped.
She better be working her ass off to regain your trust. none of this should be on you.
But seriously she was banging him in a car she bought him while telling you he is a terrible person. Have some pride and walk. She does not value you or herself.
I want to come in here from the stepparent role. You already got great advice and feedback about your husband doing what he did. There are too few comments about your stepdad vs the stepdad your child might have.
There are so many more people in this world who are awesome stepparents than not. My grandson has two very awesome stepparents. Honestly, his stepparents are better to him than his dad is, and his dad is pretty good to him. But his dad is not good to his wife, nor was he good to my daughter.
I was also a great stepmom. My friends are great stepparents.
You got a bad stepdad. This should help you choose a new partner much easier. You’ll not only have experience in what to look for as a stepparent to your child, but also as a spouse to yourself. It seems you didn’t make the best choice for yourself. You are banking on blood being the deciding factor here. Given how your husband gave up on you so quickly, I can only imagine how he will be as a dad.
I would just be vague, yet firm. Just say like, “I enjoyed spending time with you but it’s not going to work out between us.” If she tries to press you for details just don’t respond
Some things are irretrievably broken…
He should have never doubted you and put the words of another woman above yours.
He should have never thrown you out when you were carrying his child.
This man is worthless and you should only heal for yourself along with asking for a divorce.
Clearly not as well as you thought – I’d bet you never thought your husband would kick you out whilst pregnant, initiate divorce proceedings because of rumours and demand a paternity test?
Or is all that something expected – but cheating on his wife with his friends wife wouldn’t pass the morality bar…? Come on. Part of the problem here is that you are discovering you really dont know your husband – he’s not the man you thought he was.
So what are the good parts of this relationship that are keeping you there?
He’s enormous. I was surprised he did absolutely nothing. I felt like his mere presence would have stopped the situation. But when we first met there was a similar situation where a person was putting themselves at serious risk and he told me it was their problem, just stay out of it. But I said something which resulted in a big scene, the person was removed due to my actions. So I guess it’s his attitude not to get involved in other peoples stuff.
Sometimes I think about breaking up but she doesn't have anywhere to go, I am everything she has, her family are just horrible and she can't go back with them, at this moment she is looking for a job but didn't have any luck.
the others have provided some great advice. I just wanted to point out that none of the above is relevant, or your responsibility.
when they say “you have to look out for Number One first”, this is what they mean.
besides, this is part of the basic social/ interpersonal contract– if you want people to be nice to you, you have to be nice to them.
…and to that point, you're thinking about leaving her because she's been so shitty to you.
if you wish to salvage this, it begins with communication. she needs to know how her anger makes you feel. she needs to know it could be the end of the relationship.
but if you think this thing has run its course, then the other commenter had some great ideas on how to make as clean an exit as possible.
It’s certainly very nuanced yeah, but I feel like the fact that her hookup was Italian (like OP) would make me think she had some long term or relational interest in the hook up as well and quickly chose to jump to the next step to speed relationship development even or for whatever reason. Of course you would really have to ask her to know that though, but all of it is just grounds for overthinking honestly; they need to sit down and have a proper convo abt this where she doesn’t reject his feelings.
Ultimatum? I would tell him ('tell', not ask) thst if he truly really wants to save his relationship he has to start looking for a new job so he can genuinely cut all ties with her and show me he's committed to change. Showing me his messages is a drop in the ocean.
You are being unreasonably nice and lenient to a guy who has already proven that he is not trustworthy or forthcoming
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oh I wasn't even talking about this situation. just answering another comment.
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He has to want to and make the effort to actually change. There’s nothing you can do about that except leave when he doesn’t follow through. Otherwise, you’re telling him that this is all acceptable. Which btw, none of it is. You deserve better.
He doesn’t have time to be in this with her..he is working 12 hours a day, 6 days a week so she can stay home with their child! As a SAHM when mine were little, he’s got his part covered!
You're missing the point. You have one single day a week off, and work 12 hour shifts the other 6. I know that there is also house work/repairs/etc that you have to deal with when you're not at work. You don't get much time with him.
But also, are you ok with him growing up thinking that it's ok for a 30 year old to pursue him when he is a literal teenager without a fully developed brain??? Would you want these same circumstances for your child in the future????? You need to really stop and think about this shit. Your wife is a fuckin creep for pursuing you so young and deep down, you know that.
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If I had a brother I would be so for him dating a trusted friend. I would try to clarify with your sister what the problem is. Maybe her friend is a known cheater or something else.
If not, carry on, if she and your sister were truly friends she may come around.
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It's a throw away, I'm not going to put exact details here am I?
You are right
It's a 1 or a 0. Either you can be with a cheater or not. If you're okay with his behavior stick with it until he cheats again and then make the decision then. But don't be a backup plan, a sure thing for him if you don't want to be.
I'm sorry, man. Relationships should not be this stressful. Take your time to heal, work on yourself and when you're ready to jump back into dating go ahead. In the meantime, perhaps write down some standards/boundaries for yourself to prevent yourself from putting yourself in a similar position again.
find something to busy yourself w/
God sakes OP don’t ruin your marriage. You don’t know what infertile means!!!!
If you don't remember consenting, it's SA.
Waiting for the answer is the hardest part and it'll mentally drain you if you let it, I know it's easier said than done, but don't let it get you like that. Keep up on your mental health, you'll need your strong mind for when the results come. Also, your kids, biological or not, are watching you to see how you're handling it. The child in question, if he's your's and your distant to him, then he may have some rough feelings about you and how you were towards him during this time. I fear he would resent you if you were distant. If you're not distant to him and If turns out that he's not yours, then he can go to his mom and tell her how you were a better person than she was with the way you were handling it. If I were you, my focus would be on if he is your's and how you want him to see you during this time.
Regardless of that answer, the relief will be here before you know it.
My last thing to say, you're not a sucker my guy. I'm sorry you're in the position that you are, but remember this isn't your fault. I think anyone in this particular situation would also be wondering. The fact that you waited for him to grow up was a good idea. My daughter looked Asian when she was first born. Lol. Then as her features were forming, I realized I had a type of guy I liked, cause she looked like all 3 of them at the same time. It drove me mad! Even now that she's 12, I see how she looks exactly like him, but she could still pass for my exes. It's insane how DNA works.
Exactly he should have DNA tested himself at the same time.
It will only let him know for sure he's the father of both if they come back as half siblings but otherwise there will still be questions.
I don't blame you at all for wanting to know the truth. Finding out that you've been raising another man's child without knowing for years is reasonable to be upset about. I've never been in that position but personally I would probably react the same way you are. You're not obligated to continue to raise another man's child especially at this level of betrayal. My only thing is, don't make the child feel ostracized, they had no hand in this. When you get the results just be honest and real with yourself and your family about your next move. Couldn't imagine what you're feeling and the level of hurt you're at
If he is not the father just phone the real father and tell him to raise the little guy /s
The victim of infidelity is not to blame, the other 2 adults are and why should someone sacrifice their life to raise someone's else child after being backstabbed?
You need to take a bit of time to think about how you’re speaking. If it’s just coming up now it’s probably a newer thing and isn’t engrained in you, so try to focus on how you’re speaking when he brings up the issue. Then see what you can do to adjust it.
What up-and-coming community?
You need to print your post and hand it to her tonight so that she can make an informed decision about moving with you.
Yeah you see that’s what I keep saying and then I say just leave if that’s the case but she won’t
Then leave the past where it belongs
Yeah I’ve considered that. This interaction has brought out multiple insecurities I never had before and it’s been taking a toll on my mental health. It’ll be an ongoing conversation to try to resolve what’s going on between us but I want to prioritize my sanity. Thank you for listening ?
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He started crying?! Were they tears of joy or hopelessness?! This man is a lot. ?
I completely agree and that’s why I don’t want him paying for things like that
Oh I missed that part! If he’s offering to not text her that’s honestly a good sign. You’re not making him, he’s offering because she makes you uncomfortable. Maybe see if he’d be open to asking her to keep their communication a little more like work colleagues and less like pals. Maybe she just really wants to be friends? But honestly I’d trust your gut.
Dating is how you get to know someone. Get in touch and ask if they want to go for coffee or something simple. No fancy dinners etc. Just a short “I enjoyed talking to you the other night and would love to get together”. Then go from there. She may say no, but she won't say yes unless you ask. Good luck.
A mistake is something that you do once, so her mistake was getting caught.
What she did was cheating.
Break up with her. Tell her that if she wants to make sure her next relationship lasts, that she might try not cheating on her partner.
This is only an issue if it is an issue for you.
Objectively I think it’s fine, she’s allowed have boundaries about what she shares and a private life, and he might not have wanted her to share. The monetisation of her IG might depend on a certain look and he might have been okay with it.
If it plays on your insecurities and you wouldn’t be okay with it, just have a calm, gentle, honest conversation with her about it and say you’d like to be featured and ask her how she feels about it.
We met on Tinder 2 years ago. Her sex drive then was normal/high. Now she's not on Tinder and her sex drive is low. I think you missed the point
Forget about the dads… just don’t marry so young.
I (NB24) just stopped smoking for my partner (25F). I did it cause she was worth it and it was her firm line.
People have nude lines in dating, if they clash you aren’t compatible. You can quit if you want or not, those are your choices my friend. It sucks but boundaries and decisions can be firm
Some people just aren’t comfortable with having a best friend of the opposite sex ??♀️ if you see you a future with her, then you have a decision to make. Why is Amy determined it’s just the 2 of you.
Picture yourself in five years. Do you really want that?
Your BF sounds like a dick to be honest.
I didn't get into what OP's boyfriend did at all here. He is totally wrong.
I'm merely pointing out that withholding information, regardless of whether the outcome would seemingly be the same, is wrong, especially in such a huge issue like infertility.
Wanting to be in a asexual relationship or wanting to be in asexual relationship because you have AIDS are 2 completely different things, regardless of whether the final outcome, no sex, is the same.
I'm actually baffled that I am getting downvoted for saying transparency in a relationship is paramount to trust.
In what world did it become acceptable to not disclose relationship shattering news to your potential life partner?
You have 0 incentive to protect this guy. By keeping quiet you're basically opening up the opportunity for him to do it again to someone else. If he suffers social consequences for it, all the better.
A lot of people male or female don’t want their partner going alone with a person of opposite sex. Many posts here if a guy posts their gf is they’re told shes cheating, so it’s not just that shes a girl
Especially when the kids were like a full decade younger at the time? They’re comparing apples to oranges. Having one parent go out every week when the kids are toddler aged (and the other parent is explicitly asking them NOT to) is much different than doing so when the kids are much closer to teenagers. She probably needs a break after all this time of being the primary parent.
At 31? Flee. This person is not okay.
That's reassuring, I'll keep that in mind and just see where the wind takes me
It's the right thing to do. Good luck with your new medical plan.
Five months or so. Also, refer to the previous comment in this thread. I explained the basic premise of the pregnancy.
Not every. It depends on the situation of course.
You have opposing views on human rights? I can't imagine holding those views so casually that it wouldn't bother me to disagree.
I think there is nothing toxic about it. You decided you don’t care to hangout with the opposite sex without each other and that’s perfectly fine. It’s your relationship so it shouldn’t matter what anyone thinks tbh.
There was no reason for him to leave the party with that girl unless it was to cheat on you. I’m really sorry, how gross of him.
You can’t expect someone who cheated on their partner with you, to become committed to you afterwards. I’m sorry. Find someone who is honest.
Obviously, someone is lying. The only way to get gonorrhea is through having sex with a person that has gonorrhea.
So during that 4 month break, one of you two, slept with someone that had gonorrhea.
There is literally no other explanation, lol.
It's not like catching a cold or flu. You don't just “catch it” walking around in public.
If you know for a fact that you didn't sleep with anyone else during the break. Then the other person is lying.
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Can somebody help me?
My girlfriend & I, broke up 4 months ago. We got back together last week. Before we had sex we both told each other we hadn’t had sex with other people.
Two days after we had sex she starts getting symptoms of Gonorrhoea which was diagnosed as “Thrush” initially but correctly diagnosed as Gonorrhoea the day after.
I know I haven’t slept with anyone since we broke up and she has a test to prove she was clean in October. If my results come back as positive, how could this have happened? She only started having symptoms after we had sex but I haven’t slept with anyone other than her? I tested clean after we first started having sex earlier this year and had no partners since.
Can anybody help theorise what could’ve happened & can we even move past this if my results come back positive?
Don't do it. I know you're young and won't listen because you're in love, but it's over. You won't see her the same way and that trust won't ever fully be what it once was.
You are thinking about divorce because you didn’t hear her say yes!!!! Maybe you should get your hearing checked first. If this is the reason you want to get divorced then you must have some serious problems in your marriage.
The reproductive sphere will never be a 1 to 1 equal thing until we invent artificial wombs or something.
1 to 1 equal would be women can abort and men can opt out of any responsibility for the womans choice. This argument only makes sense in the context of a blanket abortion ban.
Women already bear most of the burden with pregnancy and childbirth. Men can handle this one “inequality” since the balance is already in their favour.
The fact that a woman can opt out of parenthood after the fetus exists is itself evidence that it's an inequality in favor of women and not men.
I was going to write out this long involved answer about how considering sex toys cheating is absolutely asinine, and masturbation is actually perfectly normal and healthy, plus the use of sex toys usually means you're not out there cheating…and then I also pieces together the “he's definitely using you to further his career” motive. Then you drop the bombshell that he needs you for citizenship?
Nah.
He's definitely using this vibrator fight as an excuse to start slowly pulling away from you until he gets what he needs, then he can act like it's somehow your fault he left after he learns English fully and gets his citizenship. I am glad you're already getting ready to leave. Usually I'm not the type to say “run as fast as you can!!” immediately, but with this situation, definitely do. Also feel free to note all this down with your therapist and even possible future lawyer. I know it sounds a little embarrassing, but no one would be on the side of a man who wants to leave his wife over a bedroom aide, especially with the reason given as to why you even have it (not that it matters). Good luck and keep us updated!
This sounds just like a post from a couple of days ago where the couple is something like 20F and 37M and he’s groomed her since she was 13…
He stated she was a gf not a wife. You comment makes me wonder though if she’s weaponizing sex as payback for not marrying her though. 8 years is a nice chunk of time to be with someone
I appreciate you taking the time to comment, however I would like you to also consider the possibility that she isn’t “choosing to put up with him”. I don’t like victim blaming in any capacity.
I thought about this too, even tho she swore to me that she chose me and she loves only me and that she doesn't want him in her life anymore
You could possibly reframe the tats in your mind, and ask him to do something with his beard? I get the “small marsupial on the face” hate; my partner currently has one, but he can shave it off and there are other things I find attractive about him in the meantime, and I focus on those & defocus on the googly eyes & lips effect. Good luck!
I’ve seen this situation before and some girls just turns a blind eye on it. He is an asshole overall and you need to evaluate if he is the one in the long run
A career in the military is nude on the love ones.. being stationed in other states or other countries…him having to up and leave and not having a stable career. Best if you find someone that understands your commitment and will be there for you
It's emotional abuse and pure neglect.
Tell your parents. They're his Aunt/Uncle and have more ability to step in. He is eighteen though, so child services can't do anything. But your parents can offer a place to stay where he won't be mistreated, or they can help find other arrangements.
Yea I have been out dating different guys (for a period of time) while he had a gf, but I couldnt stop comparing him to others and I have no idea how to get over him.. cus its not for a lack of trying.
Dear lady, I am so fed up about LAME excuses, like “mental state”, “he/she was not themselves”, “we were like roommates”, “I was so low/high/drunk/…fill in the blanks”, these are pure BS-es! Your BF if a shadow of a man, an egocentric bastard that knowingly cheats on you!
Or maybe he just didn’t want to give up doing disgusting things
Definitely. I had a trans man clear the air as soon as we matched on a dating app before we ever met in person. I was polite as I could be that this wasn’t the type of situation I wanted to pursue, and we went on our separate ways.
Having fun
When I was 27 I went on a date with a 22 year old because at the time the age difference didn’t seem that bad. It really highlighted just how fundamentally different of a stage of life that person was in compared to me. The older you get the more settled you are, whereas people under 25 tend to still be trying to figure out who they are, what they want, and what direction they are heading in life. You can’t really get a serious relationship out of someone in that stage of life, unless you’re going through that experience together.
He's not genuinely interested in you.
This is typical behavior of men who use you for their own gain and toss you aside once you've given yourself to them.
He's an asshole, and you should probably pack your things and leave. There's no reason for him to look at other girls if he would have loved you as he claimed he did.
This is making you feel unattractive and unwanted. And you dont want to feel that way in any relationship. Not to mention he then gaslights you and tells you YOU are the one being at fault and that you are controlling.
Yeah, no.
Personally, By the time I hit 26, a 22 year old guy was already too young for me. That’s an age range where you can change and grow a lot in a short amount of time, and most people want stability by the time they hit close to 30.
She’s helped me pay a couple of my bills. And buys me stuff. The loan was to help her pay rent and stuff for her house where I’m at all the time. In which I do buy stuff and help her in certain things
Guys, stop telling him she’s done nothing wrong. She hasn’t done anything wrong, but he’s an asshole and we want them to break up
Good break up. She deserves better.
Awww, little man got his feelings hurt.
Grow up dude. The fact you're on here admitting you're insecure of another man and also your desire to prove to me, a total stranger, that you're of “high value” proves you're an insecure and weak boy. Go off with your one trick insults though!
He still slept with her and others and used paternity as an excuse. I don't believe he's sorry at all. Protect yourself and the baby. He does not deserve to be forgiven
I wish I could afford another set of aids, but even cheap ones cost a bunch. Her last set were $3000, lasted two years and were supposed to help with her hearing and tinnitus issues. None of which were solved. Oh, let’s try these aids instead. Ka-Ching! Aids aren’t covered by Medicare.
I’ve tried discussing it with her and all I hear is you have to accommodate me. I try, but there has to be a two way effort.
I have canes and walkers all over the place and encourage her to use them.
The last two times we were at the docs I set up my iPad to record their diagnosis and recommendations. Upon playback the video of her being told that she should always use her cane or walker pissed her off, mostly because I purposely had asked the question about their use to the docs.
You mean the money she needs to raise your kid? Grow up.
Some guys are just like this. I'd move on to somebody else, since you obviously are affected by it.
I did. I think you’re missing the point or trolling to be honest. I asked a question at the end. If you can’t answer it there’s no discussion to be had here.
Lol ok I'm not sure if you have kids. Anyone with kids is taking the least amount of risks with their lives. Especially a 3 month old. Covid isn't the only thing out there and just because he has covid does NOT mean he isn't carrying another illness. He just travelled for two weeks, so chances would be higher. I just don't think you can justify being that upset with your wife whose only intention is to protect her child.
You might find someone more suited to you. Love doesn't usually happen between people who have never met in person.
Maybe the bf wants them there to help with the baby…
It already is a big problem. If he feels the need to hide it and lie about it, he already needs a lot of help. And you’re trying, but it seems like you probably can’t handle it alone. Talk to him one more time about if he’s serious about cutting back. And if he is, get him into AA
Sounds like she's already slept with someone else anyway
Why not pop the question with a toy ring and go out shopping together for a ring with an agreed budget and you can enjoy getting it together and then she will definitely like it.
Cheating dont happen on accident. Ot takes time to get nude, get her wet, amd then stick the penis in hole. In fact it was for ol girl to put the lotion in the pale
Speaking as someone who is covered in scars, you need to sit down and evaluate how you trust your gf. I know it's difficult to do so. But you need to address the underlying factor of your trauma, and how it affects your relationships. If you're dating someone who you wouldn't trust with your trauma, move along. She at the very least deserves an answer. It can be as simple as “I love you, but I have trauma associated with that, and I need more time to address this in a healthy manner.” Or as complicated as explaining some of the things that went on. But if she truly loves you, that won't matter to her. And she can help you with your trauma when you're ready.
If he's willing to sign over the house to her, and put (at least some of) his $ in trust for HIS son, she should take him up on it. Maybe, with some space and piece, they can make it back to each other. If not, he pays the cost of his abysmal treatment of his pregnant wife.
Because of toxic masculinity and purity culture.
She didn’t lie to you as much as protect herself from your shaming.
Sharing it will remove an awful burden of fear, shame, avoidance and doubt. I was the victim of childhood sexual assaults. It made me very touch averse. Gave me horrible body image and self esteem. I have a couple scars from trying to fight back. I thought talking about them would destroy my relationship. Turns out, the person who loved me still loves me. They were grateful when I was able to share with them. Only lingering effect, they just know why I’m weird about somethings.
Truth be told, the shame you feel, it’s not yours bro. It belongs to your parents.
This is the type of guy who would find a single grey hair on her, and a week later tell her she's let herself go and he's no longer sexually attracted to her, he fell out of love a long time ago, and leave her for his 22 year old coworker when he's 50.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
My gf and I have been together for 7 years. I've always assumed we'd get married 'one day' but I've recently decided that I'm pretty close to being ready to pop the question.
I want it to be a surprise, but I also want to get a ring she really likes. I know she is somewhat particular from ring conversations we have had previously but these have always been initiated by her and I feel it would seem Hella suspicious if I suddenly asked 'Hey, do you like the look of these rings?' Because of said conversations I feel I'm not completely lost but I definitely want to be more confident.
TLDR; How do I get engagement ring preferences without giving the game away?
EDIT: Just wanted to clarify that we have talked about marriage, we both believe it to be on the cards for the short-medium future. My problem I'm trying to solve is how to get information on ring preferences without ruining the surprise of the proposal and the ring itself.
If he was maintaining himself financially at a respectable level for an average 40yo man, no one would say shit. Problem is, he isn’t. And that alone is indicative of a whole host of other problems that probably point to bad reasons he’s dating a 25yo instead of good ones.
You didn't cheat your friend drunkenly kissed you
Fun fact, another german way to say sorry is “Tut mir leid”, literally means “it causes me pain”. It does not solve our problem, but I thought you might appreciate it
I don’t wanna throw away almost a decade relationship.
Do not fall for that suck cost fallacy bullshit, you need to leave NOW.
He's going to fucking kill you. You have been in a toxic, abusive relationship for god knows how long and it just escalated massively.
You can't forgive him. You shouldn't forgive him. You. Need. To. Leave.
Yeah, same thought. Have some personal experience with a person dealing with schizophrenia and this set off all my alarm bells. Such a heartbreaking mental health condition too.
A gf that gives an ultimatum like that sucks. The fact you’ve been fine with her family staying there for a considerable amount of time shows a clear double standard. She seems manipulative to me.
Your sister is also a problem though. No education and can’t drive, she can’t take care of herself. You will likely be living together long term.
The best solution is to get a bigger place for you and your gf with room for your sister. If she can’t agree with that, I would totally support your sister.
Yes he says he was just trying to process why he sometimes grieves his past unhealthy relationship. But maybe that’s not a good enough reason. I don’t know. It’s very confusing.
You know what would hurt just as much, if not more, during a breakup? Knowing your partner has felt this way for months and hasn’t told you to “protect” your feelings.
It isn’t fair to either of you (especially her as you’re initiating it) to drag this on. Stop waiting and end it.
You should break up with Julie if you are unable to stop these thoughts.
Otherwise that makes you a shit human because you should be 100% loving your gf not emotionally invested in another woman.
Julie deserves better than being second best on your heart.
I'm in the middle of a friendship break-up and the way I see it is: I've been telling her that they way she treats me is unacceptable for so long, in so many different ways, trying every communication strategy I've heard of, and nothing ever changed, or, when it did, it was temporary, and she always did it again after a while. I've come to realize that she's either incapable of treating me right – I'm sure there's mental health issues there but the way she treats me makes it impossible for me to help – or she's capable of doing it but has chosen to treat me badly this whole time. Either way she's not a safe person for me to stay in contact with and I'm not going to accept the unacceptable anymore
What tf is wrong with all these comments commenting on the age gap and shit NOT on her stupid asshole friend with no social awareness. Seriously wtf. Don't listen to them dude you only know the details of your relationship just tell her that you won't be talking to those friends anymore and next time call them out
Is marriage important to you? Is marriage important to him? What's the purpose of marriage for you and him? Is it a religious act, or is it to establish some type of legal rights that don't exist for non-married people? Why do you, or him, care about marriage?
I think all of those questions need to be answered first.
How did HE drug you if you went through his bag and took a couple of pills without him even knowing? Unless he directly gave you the pills or misled you to believe it was tylonel, he didn't drug you. I'd just tell him you took a couple pills that you thought were tylenol that made you feel weird and ask him if its something else. But you shouldn't be accusing him of drugging you if you did this without his knowledge. That's a huge accusation and it sounds like you're trying to defer blame onto him for your actions that he didn't even know about, based on this text at least. Take some accountability
The goal is for him to admit to it so we could talk about it
Their sexism said that. And no one else.
“You're just insecure” ?
My mom refused to even date my dad until he stopped smoking. My now husband told me if I started smoking again after quitting while pregnant, he’d leave. It’s a deal breaker for a lot of people.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through, though. Knowing that it’s a deal breaker for other people, too, doesn’t make it any easier.
Then don’t let it happen.
If you can please ask the other parent in a calm and non accusatory what the conversation was about. Truthfully it does seem like he could have come onto her and she rejected him. The amount of unsent messages and his demeanor is very weird
What is she comparing about? Her career? Finances? Her wanting kids? Wanting to be married? All of the above?
If that is the case that would really change things. Trying to force a woman on generally harmful hormonal birth control while not wanting to use condoms is just shitty. Condoms don't cause any harm like birth control does, I hope OP is not that horrible. Guess we need more info
Sir, you are extremely lucky that this bullet came with an early warning system.
$100k+ but could only afford something very small on your own?
This makes it infinitely worse. Glad she got out.
Hey.. I've been through this, opposite as I'm a dad.
My kids were 3 and 5 when my wife decided she doesn't want to be a mom anymore nor support them. (I was a little upset because I felt the kids were the cause) I got therapy and never took my misguided feelings out on them.
1st is not the kids' fault. You may feel that sometimes
2nd set up a support network. Trusted friends and family. You need your time. Have time to do you things, and involve the kids with hobbies. I taught my girls how to work on cars and brew beer. Hahaha.
3rd, it's going to be fine. Just do your best. It's not forever. My kids are all grown now and on their own.
He's fucked up and is going to regret it. Don't take him back ever. Not even for the kids.
You are only 22 years old and have so much life ahead of you. Do what is right for you. Be strong and make the call. You won't regret it in the long term even if it hurts in the short term.
This has to be a troll post. I mea,. c'mon now…
If you want to have healthy relationships stop worrying about what’s right or wrong for women or men in general and focus on what is right for you and your partner. We are all individuals with different wants and needs – the idea that there is some one-size-fits-all playbook for males and another one for females is ludicrous.
Do males feel as though they can’t confide in their female partners because they won’t be heard? Yes, and no. Yes – SOME men feel like they can’t confide in their partners. But also No – because plenty of men do feel like they can. But all those other relationships are irrelevant to yours because they’re not you.
Figure out what you specifically want, and discuss that with your partner. Ask your partner to do the same. Work out agreements where you match and compromises where you don’t. Be open, honest, and patient with each other. And stop worrying about how other people do it.
Therapy. Stat. Sex or not, marriage or not, you have to work on your self esteem for your own sake. Right now, you’re your own worst enemy and you keep cutting yourself down.
Imagine you were reading this out and saying it about a close friend, not yourself. That would be horrible and cruel, wouldn’t it? So why are you so cruel to yourself?
Best of luck OP. X
If you don't want to hang out with him anymore, then you certainly don't have to.
I believe that would be further evidence of your overreacting to this situation, but it's your choice. It will also affect your SO's relationship with his best friend, and the fall out is sure to affect your relationship with your SO. Is this really the hill that you want to die on ? Essentially, he said that you were nagging them. That doesn't sound too off base. He didn't say that you are a horrible person or anything.
Thank you so much for this input! I really appreciate it and it is what I wanted to hear. I have been so happy recently and am seeing someone wonderful. As I was saying to my friends, at the very least inserting myself back into his mess is going to cause me undue stress. I have a right to self protection, that isn’t necessarily selfish. I understand where my friends are coming from though, one who strongly advised me to message is engaged herself and empathises with the fiancée.
If a girl told me what you just said, I would tell her to get stuffed and go find someone else.
I will never ever be told who to talk to or follow again.
I respect my relationships and never step over a line, I let anyone know who drops a hint that I am not single and wish to remain friends only, if that person steps over the line again, then I make the choice not to talk to them again.
Doesn't matter if you're Hispanic, he isn't, and to be honest, it sounds like you need to let him go so he can find someone better.
So, Did you ask her?
Yes he did, hopefully we can discuss it again soon because at this point he isn’t ready to talk about it. Now I’m feeling sort of hurt that he would just assume I would be fine with it/ was surprised when I wasn’t comfortable. It could be visa related! If that’s the case he should tell me though, but still leaves me in the same position. I’ll look into the immigration process though, that could help to explain it
Solution to the problem – tell your wife that had she dealt with this differently over the years, she would be able to keep her friendship with him.
But seeing as she didn’t, that she has disrespected you and your relationship and herself with her actions, on top of damaging the trust and respect that you have in her, that her friendship with him, and all communication between them ends now.
Tell her that if she cannot accept this, that she is free to leave.
Tell her she will be leaving without the kids, without anything other than the clothes on her back and her important documents, that you will ensure that everyone knows that she has been cheating on you this entire time.