Wife never wants to have sex. Tried everything but Im fed up with the answer of “do things her way”. When do my needs come first? 37m 33f. Married 7 years

We have been together for 13 years and married for 7. Its the usual story, since the two kids (4 and 1) she never wants to have sex. She has initiated sex once in 4 years, the day after I talked to her that I felt like it was always me who initiates (rejected 75% of the time) and since then nothing.

I get it, okay. She has been through big changes with the kids and perhaps doesnt feel attractive anymore. This doesnt mean I dont tell her that I still think she is hot. She never wants to even talk about sex. I made the mistake of talking to her about my fantasies and she essentially said “never gonna happen”. I know that sometimes she needs romance etc but I never get any attention the way I want it. Why is always the mans issue when she doesnt want to have sex? I dont want to have to arrange dinner, then a 3 hour romance conversation followed by a massage just to have missionary sex for 9 minutes. I want her to grab me and show me that she wants it too. I feel unwanted but also like an asshole because I want something she doesnt.

How do I move forward?