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willowjohnson chat
Date: February 10, 2023
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willowjohnson chat
This is a really crappy situation to find yourself in OP.
Your partner's behaviours are definitely extreme. It sounds like you are making some massive concessions to keep yourself available, and it isn't good enough.
I get that he has anxiety, which is valid, however his actions are verging on controlling & emotionally manipulative, which is not OK. It is his responsibility, and his responsibility alone, to manage his anxiety. He should not be asking you to carry the burden of his anxiety, to the extent that he has.
You are right in saying it is not healthy for him to have the kind of response he did to you not responding for 20 min.
I think that you have done as much as you can for him, it is time for him to seek professional help and address his problems, properly.
I also want to reassure you that it is also OK for you to walk away at any point if it is too very hot, especially if he doesn't want to help himself. It doesn't mean you are a bad person, so if you need to leave & put yourself first, that is OK.
Um, nobody should be in a relationship where you have to hide your friends. Your bf is a baby.
You don't tell her. She is very pregnant and high risk. The shock from it could cause her to go into early labor. Seriously. She does not need to hear that right now.
You also don't let him stay with you. That was wise and a good boundary hold on your part.
When she is ready to hear it, he can tell her himself. In the meanwhile, obviously they shouldn't be intimate, which is his situation to handle appropriately, and when they are down the line, they will need to use condoms. He can find out if she already has HPV, many people do, in which case that part won't be as big of an issue for her. But all of this should be told to her in time, and left up to her to decide how she'd like to handle it.
No, you're not TA, but stay out of that situation. It is between your son and his wife.
definitely a “play stupid games, get stupid prizes” situation lol.
When I was a kid, my younger neighbor's mother drowned in a bathtub. She died on the poor kid's birthday. Fell asleep and slipped under the water. A ten year old girl, left without her mother just like that. She didn't have the same light in her eyes anymore.
It happens. If there's a next time he leaves someone alone in a bathtub, it might be your daughter, if even for a few minutes.
You're not being ridiculous at all.
It sounds more like FOMO than an actual anxiety disorder (I am NOT a doctor) I’m saying this because of your age. I was totally like that when I was young but matured and grew out of it. If you feel it’s deeper you should talk to someone about it so you can get the tools to overcome it.
Thank you
Yep. Their parents are cousins. They share the same grandparents
If you insist on marrying this dumpster fire you should have a prenup
Why are you still with her?
And why were you (a 33 year old grown ass man) going after a teenager ten years ago?
The other issue is that if the man who SA'ed your wife is the biological father, he would have to sign off on the adoption. In some states, even if he were convicted of rape he would have that right.
Are you both also lost at washing first?
This is not an 'opinion', it is bigotry.
I would not date (and certainly not have children with) someone who is not only homophobic, but is chill with it.
Tell her she will be a single mom if she keeps it. Dont kill yourself, but you also doesnt have to be a dad against your will.
The emotional turmoil is temporary.
This is not love by her.
She is not an angel, don't think of her that way.
Block her on your end, you need the space.
Don't go back.
Just imagine you are really sick or after surgery, and he would still ask….
He is very insensitive, and no, this isn't because of his high libido. He's just getting away with it.
If you have to put restrictions on a relationship like that, it’s just not worth it. Cut your losses now, because there will be more if you stay.
Sugar babies also have sex for money
Not being able to pay rent would put her in jeopardy of being homeless. Sheesh.
I went through a tough breakup at 20 as well. Took me a long time to get over her. I know this hurts to hear, but the relationship is over. The sooner you realize that the sooner you can move on. Trust me, you are so young and I guarantee you will fall in love again, likely more than once, and likely more deeply than your last one. Good luck kid.
I think honestly you should fess up about how you found them. It will definitely be an awkward conversation, but without having that one first, you can't have the other discussion about why it bothers you.
Like it just got stupider as it went the cheating group that gets mad if you dont cheat is literally an episode of American dad lol
This is what cheaters say lol. When people tell you who they are, listen.
I sat outside for 2 hours
WHY?!? Why are you doing this to yourself?!
How do I make him understand that he’s not being considerate to me?
He understands. OF COURSE he understands. He DOESN'T CARE.
Instead of spending hours waiting for a guy who only bothers to start getting ready when you're minutes away, spend that time mustering up a single, solitary shred of self-respect and turn around and LEAVE HIS ASS THERE. Jesus God.
It’s normal to remain in touch. It’s normal to not remain in touch. It’s not that normal to remain actual friends who see each other regularly
Most people are not aware of the implications and the difference of MMF and MFM and just list it based people involved.
You can also try going to the r/legaladvice they can usually give some insight on what you’ll need to do.
You can also try going to the r/legaladvice they can usually give some insight on what you’ll need to do.
You’re welcome trash
This hair-splitting and excuse-making “important distinction” shows you still haven't fully accepted responsibility for your choices.
Yeah, if he is capable of abandoning you over this, he is likely capable of other terrible things.
Speaking only for myself:
A ring is a ring and I have no idea what makes one an engagement or wedding ring except it bring used for that occasion.
I would assume that they put engagement ring on a lot of general purpose rings so they show up in searches, and I would buy any ring that looked nice oblivious to its purpose.
(Im still unsure while writing this if there's anything special about engagement rings…)
I mean, the guy took the sheets. She didn’t throw them away, and it shouldn’t be on her to wash them. He could clean and return them if he wants, but depending how how bad it was they could just be ruined. If the stains don’t 1000% come out, he should be responsible for purchasing her new ones. And it was his idea to replace her sheets in the first place.
Kick them both out.
“go commit a crime to prove it to me” lol no
Call the FBI, CIA, and Interpol lol!
But seriously, why do you even need to ask what you should do? You’re way less disturbed by this than you should be
In this instance she claimed your not fully agreeing with her by suggesting she talk with her friend was taking her side and thus a rejection of her. It's a pretty severe mental leap that typically doesn't just happen once.
Does behavior like this crop up in other disagreements in the relationship? It seems more like casting blame than discussing the issue.
I was a trainer. It’s an intimate relationship. Of course you want to be friends. I’m not buying though that you aren’t interested romantically. Not for a second. I doubt if your girlfriend would believe it either unless she was included in this budding friendship.
Well, it’s kind of too late so all the self analysis should happen before you did it not after. Whatever you did is done so I would let it go and try to move on.
having another motherly figure in their life does not make her their mother. it is up to you to keep the memory of you wife alive through photos and stories and heirlooms you can show and pass on to your children. you dont do that by gatekeeping activities that your wife did with your children. i personally dont think you are ready to move on from her, but if you want to stay in your relationship w your girlfriend you need to return to therapy.
I agree you have a you problem…. You are married to a POS. And YOU need to take corrective action
It sounds like you may be feeling insecure and projecting those insecurities onto your girlfriend's innocent behavior.
Cuddling is a common platonic expression of affection between friends, regardless of their sexual orientation. It is unfair to assume that your girlfriend's cuddling with her friends means anything more than that. Your discomfort with her behavior is your issue, not hers, and it is not her responsibility to tiptoe around your insecurities.
Instead of critiquing her behavior, it might be more productive to examine why you are feeling so threatened by it.
My husband and I each have our separate accounts, I cover rent and he covers all grocery shopping
This isn't far off from the arrangement I have with my SO. His disability pays for rent and utilities, his bus pass, and the last $100ish goes to wherever is most important that month. Everything else is from my employment income (which is, on average 2-2.5× his disability cheque). If I run short on hours, we negotiate how much of his cheque gets diverted to higher needs (eg food)
I know what you’re going through is extremely very hot, but do not cave in and respond to her messages. The best revenge is no revenge at all. It makes them sit and think to themselves, “what is he doing?? Why isn’t he talking to me?” It makes them angry when you don’t give them a response.
He raped you. That’s what happened. Break up with him and file a police report, bare minimum.
??♀️if the shoe fits. There are probably countless of other reasons she’s leaving you but you choosing to die in the hill of “it’s only one incident” after smoking 3 separate times in her home was likely the nail on the coffin for her
Im aware that it selfish to confess and that it might hurt her or her relationship that is why I haven't done it yet however I don't know how to make my self feel better
Your wife is straight up being dumb. Either she'll willingly cheat, or he will assault her.
I would tell her that going on a one on one vacation with a man who said he's in love with her is an absolute deal breaker. She can go, but she should expect to be single when she returns.
Dude I'm hoping this is a troll post, if it's not you're a grade A cunt.
Easier said than done. Habitually using incognito I think.
The person who lived in my apartment before me smoked inside. I moved in in July, so 9 months ago. I washed all the walls when I moved in, bought an air purifier, and change the purifier and apartment air filters regularly. I was out of town for work last week, came home after several days, and the apartment smelled like stale cigarettes. Guess I just don't notice anymore – I ended up putting out bowls of vinegar and opening all the windows, but I'm not sure what else to do.
“I wouldn't want to join a club that will accept me as a member.” – Groucho Marx. Sounds like you have self-esteem issues.
100% this ☝️☝️
If he was just after friendship she would of know all about his relationship with you, he kept it hidden probably going to use her feelings for him as a casual fuck.
Don't stay with him he literally threatened to break up with you multiple times but he literally showed a major ref flag which I'm wondering if your choosing to ignore here ? He's threatened to shoot an animal!!! Girl run that is not normal at all this is seriously alarming and you haven't even been with this guy for a year and he's already behaving like a psycho that's scary
Yeah, this is huge.
If it's a matter of a couple of months? It's totally normal this didn't come up.
A couple of years? Now that's a problem.
I was snowed in at a hotel with no tv and I got bored.
“I guide those to a treasure I cannot possess”
Excuse me?????!!!!! Why would you consider getting back with this cretin?
Don't move back in. This is your life if you decide to marry your bf.
Decide whether you could on-line with those three months annual visits once you marry him.
The only way to perhaps change his mind is to not move back in and see if he promises that things will change. Still, it seems unlikely that he would even keep that promise. He's fine with their visits.
I hope this is fake …
How’s someone supposed to know if everyone’s ok with it?
And why does someone saying they’re not ok with it make it unacceptable? People aren’t ok with perfectly legitimate opinions and actions all the time. “Nobody was offended” is a terrible metric for what’s acceptable for communication in an adult relationship. Isn’t it?
Make the decision and leave.
Make the decision and leave.
Please take these posts down to keep you and Ava safe.
I haven’t stopped asking myself that for the last few days. I don’t know how to figure out the right answer so I’m hoping therapy could be a possible way for me to figure it out. I just know I need to be open with anything and try and be so honest with him as much as he wants. Right now he is still just very angry.
I know I need to stop doing that. I forgot to mention in my post that I tried meeting up with guys and as horrible as this sounds I kept comparing them to my brother. I just don’t have any interest in any other guy. I would find it really very hot to speak about this but I want to see a therapist as well. I’m saving up money so that can be an option in the future.
Everyone has said what needed to be said. I will say that CPS doesn’t have the best reputation but they do usually want the family to remain together. Usually a family is assigned a social worker who can walk them through the steps of getting certain financial aid and housing opportunities. They set parameters around sobriety and parenting classes. And they do often remove the child from a home that is unsafe, giving the parents an opportunity to get them back by working through a specific program. And if it gets to a point of no return, any new babies are also removed from their care. The first priority is also to put the children with relatives first, strangers are the last resort. It just really sounds like a situation where the children need real and tangible help.
(This is different everywhere and yes there are shitty social workers and the system isn’t perfect)
Outside of that, the only thing you and your wife can do is continue to show up for the kids so that they know there are stable adults in their life.
Yes I agree, maybe this is the problem as he actually told me before that he cant take those tantrums anymore. But first half year/8months I was sort of calming and understanding. He says he will do it(find a job,find a room) and then does other things rather than look for jobs and acts like its all normal…of course any person would have an emotional reaction to this behaviour, which just not correlates to his words being I really want to move and I am promising you I am doing it soon.
How else would you go along those things and stay calm?
She's a dumb one, and she's 25 on top of it.
I know it can be a dry topic of conversation, but it sure can help to have a conversation about propriety BEFORE this kind of shit happens. That way one party isn't feeling defensive during it.
Some women are delusional when it comes to this shit.
She isn't your girlfriend.
She provides her attention to you for your money.
If you didn't provide her money, she wouldn't be talking to you.
It is like 10% of having a real girlfriend.
I would say get a new one
Jesus. Cold hearted
Oh you are worth so much more. But you need to believe it before you can act on it. I used to feel like that too. After my 1st husband I went into a psychologically abusive and demeaning relationship. And I stayed. He cheated. I stayed. Awful stuff. I didn’t believe I was worth more though. If you have the means (work insurance?) try psychotherapy. If not, why do you think you should concede? What did you witness from parents or caregivers or adults when you were a child.
There are alarm bells going off when I’m reading your messages. I don’t want to tell you what to do (though I don’t think it even sounds like a good relationship now, if you are roommates and not even friends). I refused to listen to others when they told me my ex bf was horrible, I needed to make my own mistakes. Enough people have told you not to marry this guy, not even to continue with this relationship, but you need to find that and feel it from within and be confident that you can step away, and be alone, and you will grow and blossom.
The moment things start getting thrown around is the moment you get the fuck out.