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Xawier & Lirman, y.o.
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Date: March 21, 2023
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The field of single potential partners when you're nearing 40, especially if you're divorced with kids, is not the magical wonderland that you may be imagining. Many people who find themselves single at that age would be very happy with a partner like you describe. It sounds like you have an immature view of what “passion” should be – and seeking answers from an old “flame” just proves that you really don't know what you're doing.
If you want to find your “authentic self”, start by doing some real soul-searching and therapy. You need to figure out who you are and what you want within yourself. Picking up with your college fling before you've really decided to leave your marriage is just another form of you rushing into something without really thinking about it. You need to slow down and give yourself, your husband, and your marriage the consideration they deserve before running off hot into a field with your flame to explore finding yourself. Otherwise, you may realize that your flame has nothing to offer you and you blew up your life for nothing.
The field of single potential partners when you're nearing 40, especially if you're divorced with kids, is not the magical wonderland that you may be imagining. Many people who find themselves single at that age would be very happy with a partner like you describe. It sounds like you have an immature view of what “passion” should be – and seeking answers from an old “flame” just proves that you really don't know what you're doing.
If you want to find your “authentic self”, start by doing some real soul-searching and therapy. You need to figure out who you are and what you want within yourself. Picking up with your college fling before you've really decided to leave your marriage is just another form of you rushing into something without really thinking about it. You need to slow down and give yourself, your husband, and your marriage the consideration they deserve before running off hot into a field with your flame to explore finding yourself. Otherwise, you may realize that your flame has nothing to offer you and you blew up your life for nothing.
The field of single potential partners when you're nearing 40, especially if you're divorced with kids, is not the magical wonderland that you may be imagining. Many people who find themselves single at that age would be very happy with a partner like you describe. It sounds like you have an immature view of what “passion” should be – and seeking answers from an old “flame” just proves that you really don't know what you're doing.
If you want to find your “authentic self”, start by doing some real soul-searching and therapy. You need to figure out who you are and what you want within yourself. Picking up with your college fling before you've really decided to leave your marriage is just another form of you rushing into something without really thinking about it. You need to slow down and give yourself, your husband, and your marriage the consideration they deserve before running off very hot into a field with your flame to explore finding yourself. Otherwise, you may realize that your flame has nothing to offer you and you blew up your life for nothing.
Are you sure, she doesn't have someone else? Some of those signs when they change like that can mean there is someone else.
Helping a friend get out of a bad marriage isn’t emotional cheating. If you think there’s more going on there or he’s investing all his time with this woman then maybe there’s cheating, but I’d say this is fine.
Now, time to get the popcorn and read through this age gap comments
What you did was bat-shit crazy. He was smart to run
At first I misread and thought YOU were the 32 y.o. and she was the 22 y.o. So i thought to myself “Yeah, that checks out.”
Considering she's the one who started dating a 19 y.o. at age 29 adds a huge twist to the story though. If there's any predator in this relationship, it's her
Try to think of the positive rather than the negative aspects or the similarities. Worrying he will cheat will not make it less likely that he will
A child. I'd find myself repulsed by a partner who expected me to get rid of my own child and who could honestly be with me after i ended up doing that.
Wtf does tht say about our moral code then? Values.. how we actually viewed people! It's so gross.
I pray this little girl just gets loads of love. That's what she needs rn.
This is what I have always done with my wife as well … when we first moved in together I made significantly more than she did so I paid about 75% of our shared expenses as her earnings increased we adjusted the amounts accordingly and we are about 50/50 now
That’s what I usually do….and by an hr every date they seem bored.
Maybe I’m a bad interviewer lol
Honey, relationships are a two way street. The idea that you alone can hold up a relationship by your work alone is ludicrous. If the other person doesn’t put in their due diligence the relationship will crumble. And that isn’t your fault.
I’m worried leaving will lead to him hurting himself or someone else. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to slowly remove myself in a way he’s not so unstable with if that even makes sense
You should not be involved with anyone as it's clear you only care about yourself.
Clearly she prioritized a quick fuck over your entire life together. Remember that.
Everybody moves on from a breakup differently, there is no single foolproof method. What I recommend doing is to work on self improvement. Most people take that to mean hitting the gym, which is never a bad idea, but there are other ways to improve oneself. Start a new hobby, change your diet, start learning about something new, etc.
Sorry – there’s healthy boundaries, and then there is unnecessary aggressive boundaries like the one your boyfriend is setting.
I wouldn’t want to be with someone like this. What’s his problem? Nothing he is saying makes any sense.
Share my SO? No. I'm highly monogamous and that's ok. It's ok if you are too. You don't have to feel bad about that choice. Maybe you change your mind, maybe you don't, but it's ok either way. Just don't be pressured by anyone.
Choose the toys. The woman for you would not ask you to get rid of your most prized possessions.
As I have said multiple times, everyone thinks differently.
It is a simple fact that people take on board information differently. How I communicate with my partner is different to how I communicate with my mother. There have been times when I have sworn up & down that I was perfectly, crystal clear in what I have said, only to discover that I wasn’t. And there have been times where I was perfectly clear, but the other person misunderstood.
So maybe from her perspective, yes, she was clear, but on his end, he was unsure, but was too scared to ask because he didn’t want to upset her again.
And for some people, it actually does take a Herculean effort to plan a gift & a trip. Not everyone’s brains are wired in a way that makes it easy. I am more than happy to admit that I am one of those people, which is why I am prepared to give her husband the benefit of the doubt here. I know how debilitating it can be & I how deeply it can damage relationships.
So congratulations to you for finding the effort to be so minimal. But not everyone finds it minimal. There are people out there who struggle with it.
I’m not going to apologise for advocating for a different point of view. It doesn’t make me a bad person for reminding OP, or you, that perhaps her husband deserves the benefit of the doubt here, until a proper conversation can be had about what went wrong and why. If it turns out that he was simply lazy, then she should hand his ass to him on a platter (I’ll even hold the platter). But until then, I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Make sure to address chores and domestic type expectations. Chores I would split based on hours per week you each work. 40 hours a week each, even chores division. Talk about specific chores and rate them for each of you. Dishes are one of my least favorite or picking stuff up off the floor is hot with my back. Pet peeves I hate when the kids take out the garbage and don't put a new bag in. Discuss it all up front.
If she ever allows herself to be provided for by another man, she needs to go.
Hire a cleaner or refuse to clean or clean only half and say the other half will be left for him to clean
Bro just tried to prove all females are spiteful by being spiteful ?
Ask your boyfriend what he thinks
File for Divorce
Only explanation and even then that would be a nepo baby treatment
I think it’s something you should confront him about. You need to tell him you’ve felt him giving you the cold shoulder and short responses and you’re concerned it’s because you weren’t feeling in the mood earlier. If he does blow up on you, then you get to see his true colors. If he’s willing to have a conversation, you get to have a grown up conversation and encourage open communication. Obviously as long as his reasons aren’t shitty.
She wouldn’t have stopped unless you found out. The only reason she’s even crying about it is because she got caught.
Exactly.
Divorce papers now for this fucking loser watch him wake up to reality real fast. This shit is so manipulative. Make sure you file for custody. He is bold enough to tell you all this I’m sure they already fucked. He’s warming up to leave you with the kids.
Someone like this I cut out of my life. Cease communication. Make them learn the hot way.
Apparently petty enough to not call a baby by their name.. fucking grow up.
Who is he? A guy who you are interested in? Is he interested in you? If he is, but he's making excuses not to date you, then just he likes your attention and is not worth your time for an actual relationship.