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  1. No, it for sure wasn't her. I lived in a shitty part of the city at that time. Junkies went by nightly to check doors if they were open. Easy targets, no alarm no broken windows

  2. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 You know the right answer. Move on while you’re young and unattached officially/legally.

  3. perhaps this was too good to be true. having a wonderful time with someone who loves bombs or attention-bombs you is fun, but reality hits at some point. Stop texting and contacting her. she is not perfect, because she could have just been courteous and ethical and said “this will go no further, thanks.”

  4. I get that and that’s what intend to do, but it’s just disappointing to see someone condone that level of racism.

  5. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.

    I’m 24 F and he’s 24 M. I didn’t grow up super religious. I am Jewish and my parents do their best in keeping traditions alive. I’d say my father is the only one in my immediate family who tries to preserve and follow holiday traditions. For example, he will keep Passover and follow its rules. Anyway, you don’t need to know anything about Judaism to understand my frustration.

    I am not a religious person. However, I am still very proud of who I am and where I come from. My fiancé is half Jewish (fathers side) and half Christian orthodox. He was not raised in any religious sense. He doesn’t even believe in any kind of higher power.

    Regardless, he’s made many racist remarks about Jewish people in the past. He’s called them “ kikes “ refers to someone on the street as “ look at that Jew” and blah blah. We’ve had many conversations about how that’s so disgusting and disrespectful. I told him how I want a Rabbi at our wedding to perform the traditional Jewish ceremony wedding. It would not be religious AT ALL, other than the fact that now we will be married under a Rabbi. Everything else at the wedding will be like any other wedding. However, instead of a priest , it’s a rabbi. It means a lot to be to have a rabbi there. Mainly due to the spiritual aspect of getting married. If he would want a priest, I’d find out a way to have a modern rabbi and priest combine the wedding ceremony ( I’ve seen this happen). Anyway his response was “ I don’t want any Jewish shit at our wedding”. Then “ oh I’m sorry that came out bad. I don’t want anything religious at our wedding”. It bothers me because I know he has some kind of racism in his mind around Jews. Sure, I may not be exactly that jew he’s racist towards, but I still get extremely upset to know that he is racist to a group of people that I am part of in some way.

    I see people have weddings that fit one of the partners culture all the time. I even have a close friend whos happily going to have a Muslim wedding because her fiancé is Muslim. I feel extremely disrespected. He claims he is not religious and not a racist however it doesn’t seem that way. I swear that I have never felt so sad. I’m trying to understand him but it’s really difficult.

    Any advice?

  6. I didn’t say that. You should just be aware that if he’s straight, there are almost certainly brain chemicals telling him to try to have sex with you. That doesn’t mean you can’t have friends.

    It’s normal for young people to want to hook up with their friends. Boys just tend to have less self control about it. Testosterone and an underdeveloped PFC play heavily into this.

  7. This reminded me of an incident that happened to me forty plus years ago. I quickly came to realize that I was expendable as a friend and easily “forgotten”. I know it hurts OP. Like many other posters, I feel its probably time to find a new friend group. Sarah can find someone else to cart her around and hold her hand. I would simply be too busy in the future.

  8. She should do it. ESPECIALLY SHE. Sincse she is so hung up on it. Poor new Husband, his wife he just married is thibkg about her ex soo much already over a single text. I would not want to keep the marriage going.

  9. Let her know her refusal to even acknowledge your thoughts about issues that aren't “major” but still important, is affecting you and you aren't looking for much, just that she understands but u feel she either isn't trying to understand at all or doesn't want to admit that she may have been wrong (which isn't bad, we only really grow as people by making misjudgements and mistakes)

  10. u/glitt3ry_fish, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

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  11. u/lon_so_sad, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

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  12. Given how many times you've posted about your boyfriend in the last week, why are you even with him? You don't trust him.

  13. So you are mad at her when you boyfriends actions have shown you he does not care?

    She is just a generally flirty and touchy woman

    Is this even true, since she does not like you boyfriend at all?

  14. If her expenses are $3000/ month and there are 3 kids and 1 adult in her side and 1 off him, I think the math is fine.

  15. That’s not the reason why he wants you to text. He just wants you to report to him all the time, and that’s a way to slowly get you used to that. I’m sorry, but this sounds like the textbook beginning of an abusive relationship.

  16. You could literally get a work from home job. Better than being a slave for an ungrateful man. My boyfriend gave me $30 a week as allowance/hygiene necessities money even though we were just getting by, because I'm a SAHM and he felt I deserved a little of my own money too. You're not asking for too much, but he clearly isn't willing to cave on this issue.

  17. A slap also does not cause harm. A punch in the shoulder does not cause harm. It's a symbolic hit, so they're equivalent to me. And it's not about the damage done physically.

  18. “Well good luck with that. I won’t be involved.”

    (This, assuming there isn’t a medical condition or something causing her to feel that way)

  19. Hello /u/ghostpoetess,

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  20. It’s not going anywhere. Don’t kid yourself, you are far more invested than he is. The only thing you know for sure about him is that he’s a cheater and liar, why would you want to be with someone like that? Make no mistake, he lies to you as much or more than he lies to his wife. I’m sure he’s filling your head with all the normal married cheater ‘we don’t have sex’ ‘I don’t love her’ ‘I can’t leave because of the kids’. Trust me, if he wanted to be with you, he would. You deserve to be someone’s first choice, not the side piece.

  21. Huh, then I’d worry about the therapist too. Rough play is okay, if both participants enjoy it, and both can opt out if they don’t, like when dogs tackle each other. But your bf is way bigger than your cats so your cats can’t opt out, they’re hissing which is clearly not enjoyment, and yet he still likes doing it and won’t stop.

    So it’s either he’s so INCREDIBLY clueless that he doesn’t realize hissing means they don’t like it, or hes so selfish that he doesnt care they don’t like it, or he enjoys that they don’t like it. None of that speaks well of him at all.

  22. Okay first of all, stop asking about your partners pasts. There’s no reason to know who they’ve been with and what they did together. There’s nothing you gain from it, and it’s only going to cause jealousy.

    Secondly, why does it matter that he was chinese? Who gives a fuck what his race was.

    Now let’s get to the real meat of the post. She’s texting her ex behind your back, hiding the fact that you’re dating her, and sending him nudes? I’m not sure if she’s sending him nudes or if the nudes were from the past. If they were from the past, then again, she made choices that she decided against as she grew older and smarter. But I’m concerned about the fact that she has nudes that they sent back and forth saved in her chat still. Not to mention that you scrolled THREE YEARS BACK in her chat with him to find this stuff.

    Why are you even talking about the size of her body in the pics? Bodies change over time my man, you’re gonna fault her for having bigger boobs and less weight a few years ago?

    You don’t want to break up because this isn’t a dealbreaker? You just wrote an entire essay on Reddit about how upset you are about all these very specific details about her sex life from 3 years ago. You have dreams about her getting raped by her ex (who you’ve never even met before) and get in a funk anytime somebody even mentions China. You even said you don’t always feel in love anymore. Sounds like a dealbreaker to me.

    Every breakup is messy. Everybody’s partner has met their family, have sex, have met friends, blah blah blah. That’s how breakups are.

    My man, you need to end this relationship and seek some therapy. She’s being unfaithful by secretly texting her ex, and you have A LOT you need to work on. The older people get, the less attractive and more baggage they get, so you need to grow up and accept that. You need to learn to stop caring so much about every detail of your partners relationship, and stop looking into all of these details that literally happened years ago. You have little sympathy for her trauma and abuse. You don’t even trust what she says anymore.

    You’ve got some very VERY serious retroactive jealousy problems, and writing an essay on Reddit isn’t going to solve it. Please seek therapy. However you need to get the financials to do it, do it.

  23. You can be mad, but I think, talking to him about what makes you feel unfomfortable and finding a solution together (maybe he doesnt care for her nudes and just wants the twitch stream) would be better. And easier, if you don't approach this as “I am so mad at you…” but as “could we talking about this Situation and find a solution together?”

  24. Living in the same house as a separated partner or even a divorced partner, for financial reasons, is less uncommon than it used to be. I had a situation like that. I found people were still willing to date me.

  25. You should tell him that he doesn't get to choose what's a necessity for you to be happy with your sexual life however since it's his prerogative whether he provides what you require or not, you also have the prerogative to move on and seek a more compatible partner.

    This is a worrying position to have and I wonder what else has he already decided is not a necessity for you or his future partners.

    To clarify, sex include many things and should ALWAYS come with consent and communication. Getting an understanding of each others needs and wants, if he is not willing to have an open conversation about this thibgs or even hearing you out on what you want, I strongly advise you against having sex with him. He is asking his friends that dont need to have sex with him what should happened when he has sex.

  26. I don’t get this. I’m a wife of a guy that likes gaming. We are happily married going on 15 years. It’s a stress/anxiety relief for him and he enjoys it. I watch some shows and do things I like. We can’t be everything for our partners all the time and we need to have our own things we do ourselves. I would never ask my husband to give up gaming or any hobby unless it was legit getting in the way of our relationship or family or an addiction. If not, what’s the problem?

  27. Except that it literally does happen in porn. To such an extent that Pornhub had to nuke most of its content and other sites are completely unchecked. Amateur porn does not automatically mean that they are all of age and consenting. If anything, there's even less checks going on there than a studio vetting their actors and actresses. The exact issue is that you don't know.

    And again, there is NOTHING you can gain from porn that you can't achieve with just your imagination and your hand with a good wank. You're right, human trafficking and sweatshops are used for plenty of things and that is awful. So, what then? We just say we're cool with that and don't try to do anything about it at all? “Ah well, i could be watching porn of a non-consenting person who's being trafficked, but there's children who are used for slave labor in Africa, so it's okay!” Why not instead try to cut down on the things we don't need so we don't contribute to these harmful practices? I know that diamonds that come from mines in Africa are usually the result of slave labor, so I'll get lab created diamonds instead. I know that the lithium ion battery in my phone comes from slave labor, so I only buy a new phone when absolutely necessary as to contribute to that market as little as possible.

  28. I don’t think the problem she has is the jerking off, it’s the porn watching. You can’t compromise with her? Ask her to make you personal dirty videos? Just… jerk it without porn? I don’t understand why you’re choosing to remain clueless about what’s really bothering your wife. She has straight up addressed you about her feeling like you have a porn addiction, and you’re sitting here completely dismissing that part. It’s not the jerking off that you’re doing, it’s the porn you’re watching.

  29. I do like BDSM but you have to introduce it slowly, gradually to figure out if you actually like it or just the idea. Spanking always looks nude and passionate until you try to sit down with sore buttcheeks. Degrading might seem all sexy until you start crying because they actually hit a nerve.. It’s a bit early in your relationship to spice things up already.. but if you wanna ask, ask. Just PLEASE do it in a neutral non sexual setting. And never do anything without asking first, getting surprise chocked is terrifying

  30. I was looking for this suggestion. He doesn't even need it now, since he's about to lose his license. Unless he didn't think losing his license would impact his plans to keep driving it.

  31. People need positive reinforcement, and relationships need communication.

    Tell your bf that when he dresses up, just for you, it makes you feel special.

    Then, reciprocate and give him positive reinforcement. Make him feel special 😉

  32. If you agree to $1000/month in 6 months it'll be $1500 etc. There was someone else who posted on reddit about how his wife was sending most of their money to her family. I would nope out of this.

  33. Yeah, but he changed his mind 3 months in. He's known this for 21 months. Almost the entire 2 years they've been together now. And she's been spending her time building a relationship with someone she THOUGHT was on the same page. But he's not…and he's had almost two years to tell her this.

    If it doesn't work out between them, and marriage is a deal- breaker issue between them…then he's just wasted almost 2 years of her life on a mirage. THAT's what will feel like a lie. Holding back that information from her while they build a life together, for two years!… meanwhile he's hanging onto what could be a secret dealbreaker card. Surprise! Game over. Ouch.

  34. He needs counseling before you've even made it a year and you've thought about leaving multiple times?

    Get out and don't look back.

  35. There's a statistic that most men are still in love with their first love since it was the very first time they ever experienced intimacy on that level, whereas us women experience intimacy through all kind of means. I would focus on myself personally and watch out for red flags for men like this.

  36. Isn't it a way to escape responsibility or manipulation

    It could be either of those reasons. Your husband is an ass.

  37. If it was for a real career it wouldn’t be a big deal. Gonna be trapped till like 28 myself with school. A DJ though is a waste of time.

  38. How would this be body shaming???

    Everyone is allowed to have insecurities but as an adult it's his responsibility to address it and not to inflict it on other people. Doing so is unhealthy for a relationship. No matter which gender is doing it.

  39. I didn’t even have to read the full post. 100% yes! Dudes who act like that and don’t like dogs are psychopaths. Keep trying! Maybe a dog park?

  40. Please think about what your goals are. How could this possibly help your so? Angering an abuser usually makes him more dangerous, taking the anger out on…your so. Also even non abusive people usually don't learn from insults. Artwork in propaganda isn't aimed at the (dictator/president…) it criticises, it is aimed at the public. What are you trying to accomplish?

  41. Once his parents are gone, and once the $$$ has run out (have you ever seen have the skills to invest money wisely and make it last), what the hell is going to happen to him?

    Are you going to mommy him?

    If that is not appealing to you, then you are wasting your time with him. And that's a big damn problem, you are 30 years old.

  42. Thanks for your reply!

    While I did mention I was very into her at one point I never really saw her as anything more than a very friend after the fact, comparable to a cousin perhaps. I just don't want to feel replaced or left aside by someone I really care about and love just to be told that it's all in my head whenever I speak up about it which is already a nude thing for me to do.

  43. Don't get competitive with your wife. As long as you split things by income, it'll be fair. If she's fine with it, you should be, too. Get therapy if you need to to help you deal with it.

  44. You still need a lawyer. If you are married and you bought the properties while married, in most states it's meaningless that only one person it's on the deed. They are both marital assets.

  45. Yeah maybe, sometimes she asks if he can call and he just says he's too tired even though I think he just doesn't want to. This actually makes me feel better, thank you.

  46. Have you ever been so overwhelmed that what makes sense just keeps getting put off until you figure your monsters out

  47. I agree. That's so wild to me. My roommates have our doors open so that our cats can play (all four of us have cats, yes, it's chaos), but we close the door when we want privacy or to not be bothered. That's pretty much a universal tell of “I want to be left alone”. His roommate is trying to find something to be upset about.

  48. It is not your wife’s lack of trust in you, it’s that she obviously had more respect for you than you deserve.

    Your friend cheated. Whatever the reason, she cheated. And you continuing to be friends with her shows to your wife that all your talk about never cheating, never accepting cheating etc was all bull shit.

    So choose, your friend who was too much of a coward to end her own relationship before cheating, or your wife, who up until recently thought you had the same hardline views on cheating as she does.

  49. Sucks dude. But a relationship takes two to tango. Let her know if she doesn't want you anymore, then she can go. But if she wants to work through it, then you're willing to do it. If she wants to break up, then accept it. But if she wants to work it through, make sure she is for real, and take some real steps to solidify your relationship. Like couples counseling. If shes not willing to put in the work, then I think you should let it go. Don't let her drag you along

  50. Yup, he's a controling asshole and you're anything but wrong questioning if staying in a relationship is the right thing to do. If imagine how he might turn out as parent for your child down the road it turns quickly into an abusive and gtfo asap situation

  51. I mean, there could be a million reasons. Imagine if a guy asked you the opposite advice. He wanted to date an MD, he sees them staring at him (which means he is also staring), and he has no problem with women anywhere else when he makes the first move…but 3 women with MD's that he has talked to now have ended up with another MD.

    What advice would you give that person?

  52. Talk about next level petty. Doing things because you want to do them is one thing, but doing things to get back at your partner is petty as hell.

  53. So how do I bring it up without sounding like “I’m jealous” or “I don’t trust you to have male friends”?

    Jealousy is normal. You can feel jealousy and envy and sometimes it's 100% justified and appropriate.

    Just talk about it. Don't make demands. Don't accuse. Be very specific about the behaviors and how they make you feel. Don't bring a manic, panicked energy to the conversation.

    “Hey, I've got some jealousy eating at me and I want to talk to you about it. You're talking a lot about Jacob, when we're out together you seem to pay a ton of attention to him, and it seems different to me than how you treat other men you're friends with. No accusations here. No shaming or scolding, just sharing how I feel. Do you think I'm totally misreading things?”

  54. What I don’t get if why she’s upset if she knew he was going to do it. Didn’t she realize actions could have consequences??

  55. Wife and I had this conversation 30+years ago. Needless to say, I think it worked out pretty good for us. Good luck to you.

  56. A third possibility is he might have a genetic defect or family hereditary disease that he hasn't told you about, that he would be afraid of passing down. Sometimes these things are really embarrassing, like he might have a relative with a severe mental illness that nobody talks about. A lot of mental illnesses have a genetic component.

    I don't think wanting to adopt an Asian child has to mean that he has an “Asian child fetish”. He may simply be particularly sympathetic to issues in some Asian country. Perhaps he spent time there or knows people from there. One issue that comes to mind is that in China, there's such favoritism for having male children, that females are often either aborted or abandoned.

    I wouldn't automatically assume ulterior motives on his part, and it's easy to call his bluff if he really is using this as an excuse to get out of having children.

    But if he has changed his mind about wanting to be a father, the most likely reason would be probably be finances or something work related. He may have anticipated being in a better financial situation when he made that promise, or his work may so stressful that he can't imagine fatherhood on top of that.

  57. But what can I do? I feel so desperate I even thought about moving out, but he would just destroy my things as soon as I invite him over, so that would not really be a solution. I have told him that these items aren’t replaceable and unique, and he is sorry whenever he breaks something, but it just happens so often I cannot accept it.

  58. Agreed. I have done some social media digging and it looks like his closest friends aren't FB friends with his ex, so that might be a positive sign that they actually are broken up and none of his close friends like her. I'm going to update this thread on April 4th exactly lol 2 weeks is all I'm allowing to make a decision.

  59. This is what I figure is going on. He's successful in academia and wants to build the education of their children because of this.

  60. Speaking from experience, now would be the best time to introduce the concept of couples therapy cause it would only get worse. There is new patterns are introduced and practiced.

  61. Because posts like this are harmful, they give anti-trans people a narrative to fall back on that literally does not exist in a context like this.

    It's fear mongering. Stuff like this doesn't fucking happen.

    You'd have to be a fucking idiot or have an agenda to want to believe this, here is a quote from another poster showing just a few of the inconsistencies in this story.

    Even if they aren’t having sex, how is it that Sadie has never seen Jake without a shirt? They’ve never been swimming? Changed clothes in front of each other? Does Jake have breasts? Mastectomy scars? Neither of those clued Sadie in?

    Let’s say Jake is just very slender and has small breasts that Sadie wouldn’t notice even if Jake doesn’t have a shirt on. Surely Jake is taking hormones and has regular doctor visits. Is he hiding the pills/injections, and appointments? Who is paying for this? It sounds like Jake is in university. Is he on your insurance?

    If both of those things are true, I find it interesting that Jake has been through the trauma of losing his parents, being raised by his sister, and has medically transitioned, all without therapy. If Jake did have therapy through transitioning that was a pretty shitty therapist that never covered how to come out to people, especially a significant other. As his parental figure did the two of you never discuss any of this?

    You, loving sister of Jake, find out that he created a fake dead sister, hid his transition from his gf, and never intends to tell her and your FIRST concern isn’t for your beloved brother. It’s for his fiancée. Nowhere in here do you mention advising Jake that his SO needs his medical info in case there’s an emergency. You don’t ask about his mental health and what led to him trying to keep a secret like this for the rest of his life. You don’t question his willingness to lie to his SO. You don’t suggest he get therapy and maybe have the therapist help him come out to his gf. No, you go straight to “we must disclose this dark secret to a person I barely know. She deserves the truth!!” And you have no regrets.

  62. I mean what you did is pretty bad you kind of got what was coming to you. You treated him like a joke so he treated you like a joke. Not sure what the issue is here? Could he have been the bigger man sure. He could have just ended it with you. Here is the thing he lost all respect for you, so he just didn’t care.

    In the future don’t treat people like jokes and they will treat you will kindly and respectfully.

  63. If he doesn't respect your boundaries the conversation stops there. That isn't the recipe for a healthy or happy long term relationship and even if you don't stay together if you reproduce you'll be forced to have a relationship forever whether you want one or not.

  64. Girl BFFR. Don’t let that slide. You’re worth more than someone who can’t see it (your worth).

    And he doesn’t even see your worth just because he came back to you. It’s probably what’s just most convenient for him.

    ALWAYS have high standards and never feel bad about them.

  65. Lie. Tell your father you've broken up and keep a low profile with your boyfriend. Finish your studies, get on your feet, then distance yourself from your father. He'll never accept you and your choices if they deviate from his narrow world view.

  66. ? You could give the dude a heads up, but seeing as they aren’t together or have any real history, he doesn’t/shouldn’t really have any say in the matter

  67. Pets legally considered property, let the coworker know you will be filing a police report if the cat is not returned. I'd rehome the husband. This is not okay.

  68. Long way of say ex boyfriend. Tell him you need to have more time to engage in horeush behavior. He is such a turd. Flush him wash your hands and walk away

  69. If you’ve already brought it up to him and he’s constantly just brushing it off and acting like it’s nothing I would just say to him listen I’m so fucking sick of telling you that your friends are inappropriate with me and if you’re not going to defend me as my boyfriend you can fuck off and I’ll go find a man who would because I’m not gonna be disrespected and made uncomfortable by anyone especially not my partner is own friends. I might even throw in there because you’re two years older than him that this is why you don’t want to date someone younger than you because you don’t think they can protect you and the way that they were supposed to and he’s proving you right because then maybe it will get in his head that he’s being a piece of shit and he will realize how immature he’s being.

  70. Maybe how judgemental he is isn't attractive to her? It's ONE tattoo. She's not get her body blacked out. If one tattoo changes your opinion on your wife of over a decade, there's something wrong with you.

    I cannot fathom that. Throwing away a connection you have over a tattoo.

    And when you're in a relationship, your own opinion of yourself matters WAY more than what your partner thinks. Have you ever had an insecurity that your partner has told you is fine? Maybe you're unhappy with that extra 20lbs, but your partner LOVES the extra weight. If her husband said she's perfect but she wanted to lose 20 lbs, would you be screaming at her to not do something that would make her husband lose attraction? If you're not happy with your body no matter what it is, your partner's opinion is never going to change that. I also have a friend who's been in a relationship for YEARS and got a nose job. No matter how much her partner thought she was attractive, she's been insecure about it since well before he came along.

    What absolute weird, desperate advice people are giving on this thread. OP has been thinking about this tattoo for like 9 years. It obviously means a lot to her and that alone should warrant support from her husband.

  71. Always always Always follow your gut instinct. Tell him you know that the joke is not his, and to be honest with his future partners. Then block him. Damn, if he is lying this nude about trivial shit, imagine Important matters.

  72. I never said she shouldn’t be able to continue, but this is more complicated than “her revenue stream” because it was joint. Shit went down, and this account needs to be paused because if he isn’t consenting any longer, he has the right to do that. Consent has been removed and OP doesn’t want to be used as click bait either.

    If she wants to continue, and he no longer wishes to be associated with it she can absolutely make a solo account yes?

    I’m not saying she should burn to the ground for cheating, but I am saying that any joint venture needs to be stopped, and she added to that with new content, using him as part of the title. That’s not good faith. That’s using him as party of new theatrics. He did not consent, this joint venture cannot continue.

  73. It's totally fair to ask him to stop if it makes you feel uncomfortable. If he doesn't, that tells you how much he values your boundaries.

  74. It's totally fair to ask him to stop if it makes you feel uncomfortable. If he doesn't, that tells you how much he values your boundaries.

  75. I really appreciate that. Its scary and comforting at the same time and feelings might change but as of just a couple days in i feel like alot of my love for her died when I saw that. I want the person that said I was their world back and wanted marriage but somebody that wants that doesn't do what she did. But you're right that I'll have the time to work out my emotions and know for certain..

  76. You clearly never dealt with the fact that your ex cheated on you. If you continue to project those insecurities onto any man you date, you’re going to single and bitter for a long time

  77. You should have just went to the bar they were going to, so you could have seen for yourself and your friend won’t end up in an uncomfortable situation.

  78. The day she asked you to call her a roommate is when her affair began (emotional or/and physical).

    When she went out for 2 hours, someone or something made her see the light.

    But her fickleness makes her sound like a fair weather friend.

  79. Please leave him, this isn’t a relationship it’s a transaction. My bf never expects this and neither do my guy friends w their partners.

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