She’s playing with your feelings in order to keep you hooked. I don’t mean to make it sound as bad as it sounds but just leave her alone, you’ll be in a continuous cycle of will she or will she not, and it will cause you to resent her slowly until you can’t handle it anymore and do what you shoulda done in the first place and leave her alone. I might of… been in your shoes…
I totally would too honestly. Its so sad too see that we will try to be there so much for our bfs and they will just ignore us all day and not care. Really frustrating and sad. Im sorry you had to go through all of that 🙁
Sexual compatibility is an essential component of a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship. Note “compatibility”, that is not quantifiable with understanding needs of both individuals… Just means you are both moving at the same pace/direction.
That said, seems you are more inclined to reject his advancements because you aren’t being satisfied. If he is your favorite person (and you don’t want to lose him), you need to get this sorted – because he will either NOT be your favorite person anymore (resentment) or you will not have him (he will find another)..
Talk to him, share your displeasure, find some middle ground… those urges are not going to go away – that’s not how nature works.
she doesn't need to know. But the issue isn't that she says she is unsure, it that she does know – and the answer for her is no kids.
I think this is a dealbreaker. If both sides feel strongly about this, it is not something that can be overcome. One partner will always resent the other for the life they have, or didn't get to have.
People can change their mind, people can be unsure. But when you say a position, believe that position. Trying to change something fundamental about someone else is often not successful.
And if you think a relationship is doomed, I do believe it is better to end it early. It isn't worth further investment which will only make the eventual break more painful, or kick the can down the road so far that one or both people can't easily get the life they want.
The breakup doesn't have to mean or nasty, but it is the logical outcome.
No, it doesn't. It's a “you” problem as far as the difference goes. You are hung up on the usage. Say Mama or Mom or Mommy makes zero difference. The actual difference is context.
I recommend you March into couples counseling with him in tow and put all this on the table and work through it. Maybe he also has depression or some other unresolved issues. I would say it’s worth trying to fix this with help or at least get clarity that it’s over and move forward with some guidance and support of a professional. Good luck! This sucks
It’s funny because yesterday there was a post in here with a girl saying she was uncomfortable with her boyfriend watching hentai/porn and the comments were telling her to grow up and let him on-line a little because everyone does it and it’s none of her business what he thinks of. Which is all fine and I agree generally but you can’t clamp down on one faction and permit the other for the same behaviors. If everyone’s allowed to “live a little” then it should mean everyone.
Snooping is wrong but you can’t unsee something like that. At least he knows the truth though? It sounds like she was more sexually attracted to her exes which is probably best for the long term.
after an indescretion while you were long distance in your mid 20s
It wasn’t ‘an indiscretion’. She’s admitting to at least two hookups and then blaming them on the alcohol. For all we know, she may be admitting to the bare minimum what her friend knew. She may have had more affairs in the meantime. The problem is that due to her lying for the last ten years, it is very difficult to believe any word from her at this point. And if there’s no trust in a relationship, then is that relationship worth having?
Her cheating was not a mistake. There’s also a lot that she isn’t admitting to. likely There’s a lot of flirting that happened between the two of them, followed by going out together for events/drinks/dinners etc, followed by making out session which eventually led to their hookups. I think it is ingenious for her to blame her actions on her alcohol consumption.
Ok, well consider the fact that having children has a negative relationship with a woman's income potential AND GUESS WHAT? Still a fair assumption that the man will be paying child support.
Well depends on if he just wants you to sext him dirty pictures or if he wants like actual conversational flirting… or a mix.
Maybe he is just feeling very isolated and far from the person he loves and so he then starts having doubts and wants to feel loved and desired by you the same way he desires and loves you.
So if it’s just conversational then go out of your way to send small texts about how you are thinking about him, how you miss his smile, or him holding you, or how much you look forward to seeing him next. And if it’s more graphic stuff he is wanting then determine what level of exposure you are comfortable with- like I personally do not send nude photos of myself, but I’m down for some really graphic texting about how badly I want them and I like receiving photos
Sounds perfectly normal. When it comes to her thoughts, you might be severely shocked. She might not be as pure as the pedastle you're placing her upon. Imho dating seriously should not happen before 30. Just my two cents.
You should not be dating a person who fundamentally disrespects you. You can control only your response, and it is clear that you have tried numerous times to respond in ways that will change his behavior toward you. It has not helped. He may be trying to force you to break up with him, enjoy his role as the bully, or something else. In any case, decide what you want in a relationship, look at his behavior and make decisions for yourself. You cannot make him be a nice human. You can only decide if you want to be around him. I personally would not.
The moment he said your perfectly reasonable travel plan was the definition of hoeish activities, my brain screamed “YOU ARE DATING A CHILD” and “LEAVE”.
Have you always been like this? I'm always amazed by people like you, like how do you graduate college or keep a job being passive like this in life. Do you not have any self worth or respect?
Cars don’t get that steamy just from sitting and hanging out in them. They were doing something else in there. Call a lawyer, get everything in order. He’s a cheater and you’re better off without him at this point considering you’re on your own doing everything anyway.
I know, and I'm sorry. I went through something very similar with my ex, and I stayed for 4 years because I loved him and I wanted to be with him. But for 3 of those years, I had to beg him for any kind of affection. To kiss me, to hold my hand, to tell me he thought I was pretty, to tell me he loved me.
And every time I would ask him why he wouldn't do those things, he'd say the same thing your boyfriend did; that he didn't know why he didn't want to, but he'd try harder. And then repeat for 3 years.
It totally killed my esteem and made me feel unwanted and undesirable, and it took me a long time after the relationship ended to come back from that.
I hope I can help you from going through that same thing.
She’s playing with your feelings in order to keep you hooked. I don’t mean to make it sound as bad as it sounds but just leave her alone, you’ll be in a continuous cycle of will she or will she not, and it will cause you to resent her slowly until you can’t handle it anymore and do what you shoulda done in the first place and leave her alone. I might of… been in your shoes…
I totally would too honestly. Its so sad too see that we will try to be there so much for our bfs and they will just ignore us all day and not care. Really frustrating and sad. Im sorry you had to go through all of that 🙁
What about his friends? Surely you know someone?
Sexual compatibility is an essential component of a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship. Note “compatibility”, that is not quantifiable with understanding needs of both individuals… Just means you are both moving at the same pace/direction.
That said, seems you are more inclined to reject his advancements because you aren’t being satisfied. If he is your favorite person (and you don’t want to lose him), you need to get this sorted – because he will either NOT be your favorite person anymore (resentment) or you will not have him (he will find another)..
Talk to him, share your displeasure, find some middle ground… those urges are not going to go away – that’s not how nature works.
Good luck.
she doesn't need to know. But the issue isn't that she says she is unsure, it that she does know – and the answer for her is no kids.
I think this is a dealbreaker. If both sides feel strongly about this, it is not something that can be overcome. One partner will always resent the other for the life they have, or didn't get to have.
People can change their mind, people can be unsure. But when you say a position, believe that position. Trying to change something fundamental about someone else is often not successful.
And if you think a relationship is doomed, I do believe it is better to end it early. It isn't worth further investment which will only make the eventual break more painful, or kick the can down the road so far that one or both people can't easily get the life they want.
The breakup doesn't have to mean or nasty, but it is the logical outcome.
I have to pay for the photos
That made all sorts of alarms go off in my head.
Would you be able to eventually marry without you joining the cult? I highly doubt it. There's no realistic way for the two of you to be together.
No, it doesn't. It's a “you” problem as far as the difference goes. You are hung up on the usage. Say Mama or Mom or Mommy makes zero difference. The actual difference is context.
You just have different styles. Look for compromises.
I recommend you March into couples counseling with him in tow and put all this on the table and work through it. Maybe he also has depression or some other unresolved issues. I would say it’s worth trying to fix this with help or at least get clarity that it’s over and move forward with some guidance and support of a professional. Good luck! This sucks
It’s funny because yesterday there was a post in here with a girl saying she was uncomfortable with her boyfriend watching hentai/porn and the comments were telling her to grow up and let him on-line a little because everyone does it and it’s none of her business what he thinks of. Which is all fine and I agree generally but you can’t clamp down on one faction and permit the other for the same behaviors. If everyone’s allowed to “live a little” then it should mean everyone.
Snooping is wrong but you can’t unsee something like that. At least he knows the truth though? It sounds like she was more sexually attracted to her exes which is probably best for the long term.
after an indescretion while you were long distance in your mid 20s
It wasn’t ‘an indiscretion’. She’s admitting to at least two hookups and then blaming them on the alcohol. For all we know, she may be admitting to the bare minimum what her friend knew. She may have had more affairs in the meantime. The problem is that due to her lying for the last ten years, it is very difficult to believe any word from her at this point. And if there’s no trust in a relationship, then is that relationship worth having?
Her cheating was not a mistake. There’s also a lot that she isn’t admitting to. likely There’s a lot of flirting that happened between the two of them, followed by going out together for events/drinks/dinners etc, followed by making out session which eventually led to their hookups. I think it is ingenious for her to blame her actions on her alcohol consumption.
Or reads a lot of Reddit stories.
Ok, well consider the fact that having children has a negative relationship with a woman's income potential AND GUESS WHAT? Still a fair assumption that the man will be paying child support.
How do you deal with brutality about physical looks in a relationship?
You don’t. When someone speaks cruelly to you about your physical appearance, you end the relationship
That was a concern of mine, making him think I was looking for more by trying to ease the tension. I’ll tread carefully
Well depends on if he just wants you to sext him dirty pictures or if he wants like actual conversational flirting… or a mix.
Maybe he is just feeling very isolated and far from the person he loves and so he then starts having doubts and wants to feel loved and desired by you the same way he desires and loves you.
So if it’s just conversational then go out of your way to send small texts about how you are thinking about him, how you miss his smile, or him holding you, or how much you look forward to seeing him next. And if it’s more graphic stuff he is wanting then determine what level of exposure you are comfortable with- like I personally do not send nude photos of myself, but I’m down for some really graphic texting about how badly I want them and I like receiving photos
Sounds perfectly normal. When it comes to her thoughts, you might be severely shocked. She might not be as pure as the pedastle you're placing her upon. Imho dating seriously should not happen before 30. Just my two cents.
No, I do most my part. Dishes, vacuuming, folding dried clothes, groceries. Once a month, we have professional help in deep cleaning house.
Some men are very shy and introverted and scared to ask. This doesn't have to mean he doesn't like you.
If he doesn't ask you, the only way is getting active and doing so yourself. If he doesn't want to, he will tell you.
You should not be dating a person who fundamentally disrespects you. You can control only your response, and it is clear that you have tried numerous times to respond in ways that will change his behavior toward you. It has not helped. He may be trying to force you to break up with him, enjoy his role as the bully, or something else. In any case, decide what you want in a relationship, look at his behavior and make decisions for yourself. You cannot make him be a nice human. You can only decide if you want to be around him. I personally would not.
Your ex boyfriend*
Thank you, this was very helpful
3/4 of your paycheck??? No just no.
The moment he said your perfectly reasonable travel plan was the definition of hoeish activities, my brain screamed “YOU ARE DATING A CHILD” and “LEAVE”.
Have you always been like this? I'm always amazed by people like you, like how do you graduate college or keep a job being passive like this in life. Do you not have any self worth or respect?
Doesn't matter, you are married and thus the dog is also yours. The name on the paperwork is irrelevant
Cars don’t get that steamy just from sitting and hanging out in them. They were doing something else in there. Call a lawyer, get everything in order. He’s a cheater and you’re better off without him at this point considering you’re on your own doing everything anyway.
I know, and I'm sorry. I went through something very similar with my ex, and I stayed for 4 years because I loved him and I wanted to be with him. But for 3 of those years, I had to beg him for any kind of affection. To kiss me, to hold my hand, to tell me he thought I was pretty, to tell me he loved me.
And every time I would ask him why he wouldn't do those things, he'd say the same thing your boyfriend did; that he didn't know why he didn't want to, but he'd try harder. And then repeat for 3 years.
It totally killed my esteem and made me feel unwanted and undesirable, and it took me a long time after the relationship ended to come back from that.
I hope I can help you from going through that same thing.
That’s the biggest red flag- he tried to make you feel bad for the dumb lie he told