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yomu, 51 y.o.
Location: lyon / france
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Date: October 15, 2022
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She says she doesn’t unfriend once she has a friend on fb
I think this is a lie. She just made up a lame excuse to stay in contact with him because removing someone toxic on FB is just basically a couple clicks. She either craves the attention he gives her, or possibly is much closer than she leads on. You are only a month in, either slow your relationship down to a crawl or get out before the red flags pop up everywhere. if she is going to let people remain in her life that threaten your relationship, you will always have issues with her.
Yes. Take yourself and your kid somewhere safe, file a restraining order, make it permanent, and file for divorce and full custody of your child.
Immediately.
If he hasnt put a ring on it after 4 years than as far as i'm concerned hes not fully commited. Also i'm a bloke.
Nobody can get a damn abortion now.
You meant to say geriatric pregnancy
Perhaps recommend her talking to someone. I spoke to a therapist named Jonathon, after only 5 sessions he changed perspective around for me in so many beautiful ways. Mental health is a constant battle but to help I’ve…
worked out / ran every day found a hobby (I love cooking) meditate (just 10 min) take a walk (try an hour of power) listen to music hikes and nature are awesome gotten closer with the fam shrooms lol .. shrooms are awesome but start real light
Additionally, maybe think of a little get away y’all could do – try and just enjoy yaselves together.
And/or (180)
Try a break and let her know the stress has been to much on you and you need time to breathe. Sometimes this opens the others eyes.
Uh I can't see myself liking someone because they look like a girl but have a pp, but who knows maybe this guy has cracked the code.
is this something that guys just ask?
I will start by saying the levels of openess in friendships vary but in general? Hell, No. This is definitely not something guys just ask.
Since Dave likes to dress in women's clothing and tucks, does tucking make you more likely to need to do this?
Never had much to do with tucking, but I imagine anything that increases friction can potentially increase stimulation, so maybe. But its not like any aroused male needs to ask this question. Tucking is irrelevant in this context.
How is she supposed to carry a friendship going forward?
Damned if I know. It seems it wasnt a case of him hitting on her so you could argue that the relationship is still platonic. How drunk and full of drugs was he?
She already has the other guy or guys picked out. She wants you to continue paying for her while she gets to bang everyone she wants. Leave this relationship as she is not into it, and you aren't going to change her.
Basically that’s what happens yea
Rage bait
This isn't fucking 1860 for christ sakes. Yelling off your damned balcony.
What's the difference between what he did and posting something similar here in some sub, or to Facebook for friends to see? Seems the same to me, so maybe I'm missing it. Or do you think those would both be problematic as well?
In his defense, a man coming out as bi in our society is a muchbigger deal than a woman coming out.
So not wanting people that are involved in their life to know immediately isn't too far fetched.
Yeah, you’re right. I’ve just been at a point in my life where I don’t know what to do. I’ve lost all confidence, reasoning, and happiness. I’ve been a horrendous bf, and I feel like she deserves better. I need to just cut off that weird girl from my life.
What are the personal and family issues you have? Are you married already?
He tells you after three kids and it’s now suddenly a shock? Like you didn’t realise before? None of his behaviour was untoward? Nothing made you question your relationship until he suddenly slapped a label on it..
This post is complete horseshit. Absolute non sensical rubbish.
by not replying to his messages. block him if you have to. send final goodbye if you really think it's worth it. it's much easier than you think it is. don't fall for the “he's usually not like this” routine. you'll regret it.
Do not have babies with this man! He is not great father material, as you’ve already seen. He’s manipulating his baby in order to manipulate you. Find another one.
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why are we horrible people ?
It was more of a think of it because if he didn’t outright balk at that maybe he wouldn’t be a total douche. Considering we’re talking a 60M house…I’d say that a lump sum payment where a 4% withdraw rate would equal at least 150% of my salary plus bonuses when I quit plus a 3% or inflation (whichever is larger) increase each year, and every 5 years it’d be bumped up 10% (not as part of the yearly raise) to mimic a promotion. Which will put her on par money wise. That income from that would not be counted in child support calculations. I’d also ask for 5% minimum of his net worth per child be put in a trust (rules to be negotiated) where he can’t withdraw from it to prevent new family from cutting off my kids. Also something to cover purchasing her a house in the same school district similar to the one they grew up in, preferably close enough so kids can come and go to both parents, and if taxes on it are crazy them covered until the last kid graduates college. I’d also ask for my spousal ira to be maxed each year and possibly negotiate to get the equivalent of maxing my 401k as well.
Not to mention discussions on how finances will work while married. I’d be very cautious that you don’t work and I keep all money I earn while married doesn’t result in me having no autonomy and begging for money or permission for me or kids.
Daily is not an addiction
I personally would let the videocall masturation thing go. For me this is very close to watching porn, especially if she never met that person in reallife and does not really know him.
I agree that OP should give it some thought and deceide what he considers cheating and not. She obviously felt she crossed the line though. And personally I wouldn't be ok with it either.
He’s definitely insecure. You aren’t supposed to be competing with your partner or people close to you, you are their support system. It sounds like you may have outgrown this relationship, not all relationships are meant forever and that’s okay. He sounds like he might be immature and if he is struggling why doesn’t he get a job?
You are a good human and definitely did the right thing.
Your friends are awful.
Why do you not recall those conversations? Is this common for you?
I mean, she’s struggling because she’s trying to starve herself for a few days. That’s not sustainable weight loss and is effectively only going to make her miserable. I would gently tell her that her body needs more energy and that you would be willing to help her make some healthy meals she can feel good about eating instead
You are digging a hole for yourself. Once you offer him to be a house husband, he won’t move an inch while you will be working in and out of the house 24/7
He has to get a job , contribute towards rent, food etc
that was my take on this too – this reaction sounds like someone’s who is accused of cheating more than once
The more I hear about him the creepier this guy sounds.
He’s qualified to be a therapist but he doesn’t know about therapy, and he doesn’t like it.
If you needed your appendix out would he want to try that too?
LOOL
You make no sense.
I'm going to be downloaded to hell and I don't care. Abandoning your kid makes you every bit of a piece of garbage as your piece of garbage girlfriend who got pregnant on purpose. And guess what On purpose or not pregnancy is always a possibility when you are sleeping with someone. I don't want to know why dudes act all shocked when they fuck somebody and then they wind up pregnant.
It's not getting a dog that's the mistake, it's both of them failing to provide what the dogs need. Dogs that aren't exercised enough and given mental stimulation are destructive. Dogs that aren't trained properly and taken out enough end up messing in the house. Becoming a pet owner is a massive responsibility, and they both sound too immature and selfish, frankly.
You can't make someone change their ways if they don't want to, and you can't convince them to seek professional help if they don't want to do that either. It doesn't matter how much you think they may desperately need it or could potentially benefit from it. If they don't want to, and if they aren't actively onboard with it, then it's just not going to happen.
It sounds like you've really tried to support your girlfriend and be patient with her, but if you feel like you've not only exhausted all of your options but also your own energy reserves, then the only thing that remains is for you to decide if you want to continue living like this or not.
Thanks for this.
I had no idea about that, thank you for sharing. We shared that information very early and have been open about or values for the most part. I’ve gotten him to understand more of women’s rights stuff which was nice to have him find some empathy in that. I just have this huge fear that down the road he’s going become so wrapped in his conspiracies and his paranoia that he’s going to lose who he actually is. That might just be trauma from other experiences but idk, it keeps coming up in my head that he’s going to go completely against what I believe at some point and be blind to the harm.
The ironic thing is that her bringing it up constantly makes you constantly think about someone who you otherwise wouldn’t have lmao
Exactly. No need to make things complicated. Ask the mom if her husband was being creepy.
You seem incapable of falling in love and plan to stick a schedule of life that involves no romance spontaneity or risk. Free the poor woman.
If you cared for her in any real way none of the things you mention would be a barrier.
I didn't understand her alleged reason for deleting messages.
2 options,
Divorce her on circumstancial evidence, or
Stay with her, knowing she might be cheating on you, but ask her to change jobs. In addition tell her you don't know if you can trust her. Tell that you can say she is still lying to you, and since you don't know to what extent, you keep fearing the worst. Tell her, you don't want divorce as you love her, but don't want to stay in marriage without trust either. She needs to quit her job, and cease any contact with her manager, and you will try to believe in her.
You can try to guilt trip her into telling you more, by telling her, that even having an affair is something you could work with her, but if she is lying/hiding whatever there actually is, it keeps making you question everything else she tells you.
Keep in mind this can be lie or truth, that you can get over her affair if she comes clean. The point is to get her to talk. If affair means divorce for you, you can still follow previous paragraph just fine.
Imagine what he does when you aren’t there.
An alcoholic getting abused the answer isn’t well you drink because your wife is the problem. You drink because drinking is your solution and you need a better one. Any better one.
Story time. I was a 911 operator. I listened to a disabled man sit in his chair and watch his disabled wife burn to death in a house fire. Choked to death on smoke from the flames and then exploded as their oxygen tanks ignited.
I turned to drink. It got bad fairly quickly. Not a work night? Hammered. Several weeks went by, maybe 2 months. I went to my therapist for help. I'm much better these days, but I've given up the profession at my therapist's gentle suggestion (not solely because of this incident).
Would you say that the trauma was the problem, or just that I was an alcoholic and needed a better solution? Or, could it maybe be both? I'd say certainly.
So yes, it's entirely possible and sadly not at all uncommon for abuse victims to turn to the drink. I urge you to stop judging people so harshly.
sadly fake post most likely
Do you have ” full access to her phone” I wonder keep it moving break up it's the lack of privacy for me and NO MATTER how you word it she will ALWAYS think you are doing something along the lines of cheating to her well if he's got nothing to hide he dosent need privacy
Also like….. having individual thoughts and relationships isn’t “having secrets”???? It’s being an individual person
Lol wtf did i just read. No girl dont marry someone you “like and enjoy spending time with” you marry someone you genuinely love and cant on-line without.
Can you please tell us what the fights are about?
Its not your fault. As sad as it is, he chose to sleep with his ex wife while you were talkibg about getting back together he was selfish and chose to do this to hurt you. My friends husband did this after she asked for a divorce. Only unfortunately he didnt make it. No an od tho. I dont think there is any gentle way. He knew your choice im so sorry.
Fuck off, you troll.
Either they have a secret thing going on or he has a crush on her and wants her to notice him.
Set your profiles to private, and block her. Go through your follower lists and remove anyone you don‘t personally know. Do not acknowledge her in any other way.
Some people have genuine blindness to that stuff. Like if it’s not right in front of my face, my brain forgets it exists. Your feelings are 100% but try to remember it’s not an indication of how she feels about you. It’s an issue with a cause totally independent of your relationship, and it just happens to impact your relationship
I have a real question and please don't take it the wrong way – but what do you actually like about her? Because she sounds a lot like a pretty pet. Like, you feed her, you provide for her, and in turn, you get a bit of affection? That doesn't sound like a partner, that sounds like a human pet. And she's USING you. That's absolutely not ok.
Do you want her to be in your life a long time? Because being financially aligned is CRUCIAL. She sounds like she's going to ride that $$ wave until the $$ stops and then jump ship to find someone new. Please just let her know she needs to go back to your home country.