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  1. It can also be a dynamic that both individuals wish to have, both consent to, and both thrive in as a couple.

    Just because there IS a power dynamic at play doesn't mean it's automatically a bad thing.

  2. Just bc you were friends in childhood doesn’t mean you’re required to still be friends now. Give yourself permission to grow & move in wo them. Doesn’t mean you stop caring, just distance yourself from behaviors that you have grown beyond. As for the dude living w his mom, you talk everyday bc he has nothing else to do & you’re one of his links to the outside I’d taper that off too. If you don’t want them around a future relationship, why keep the friendship on life support? I look at my relationships kinda differently- I imagine that I am a castle & there’s those that get to be in the inner chamber(husband & kids), those that get to be in the main castle (best friend, siblings, inlaws, nieces & nephews) those outside the inner, but still live in the outer castle halls. Then there’s the people that make it inside the drawbridge/moat area, but not into the castle; those that make it inside the furthest out walls, and finally the people outside the protection of the final barrier. These layers don’t mean I don’t care about these people, it’s more of a trust & time. I’m big hearted & giving which it sounds like you are too. But it also sounds like these guys are outside the castle & should maybe be outside the moat

  3. Look my dude, you initiated this relationship, and regardless what you guys decide on. You decided to talk about things to her that will never happen. Yes she caught feelings, but because of how you instigated things. The problem if you didn't notice is you, you led her on and now you are trying to play the victim. That fact that you can't accept what you did wrong and try to push blame onto her is disappointing. No excuses, be better.

  4. She made her choice. If you are in charge of the finances then you are not allowing her to make the decision. Therefore, you ARE forcing her to have a child.

  5. None of this post makes any sense, but I'm pretty sure the answer is to block him and forget about relationships for a while in order to work on yourself.

  6. Get some therapy and if you can't be on the same page after therapy and you still want children then divorce him. You can also go to sperm bank

  7. I try to avoid this. I’m not right. There’s no right. It’s a matter or enjoyment or not. The conversation I used as an example was her expressing that she thought it was neat. I said that I thought it could be better. She then asked how I thought it could be better, so I explained. She then responded that it seemed unnecessary.

    So by your point, I either express nothing or simply agree with her statement, because the only point I can find that the discourse would come from would be either me obliging her asking me to explain, or me expressing my personal thoughts at all.

  8. It sounds like you are feeling a lot of anxiety and sadness about your SO leaving town. It's normal to feel this way when someone we care about is leaving, even if the relationship is not a traditional one. It's also understandable that you are feeling alone and unsure of what the future holds.

    However, it's important to remember that you are not alone, even if it may feel that way right now. You have friends and family who care about you and want to support you during this difficult time. It may also be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor to help you work through your feelings and develop coping strategies.

    It's also important to recognize that your SO's departure is not the end of the world. You will still have your own life and your own goals, and you can continue to work on achieving them. You may even find that you are able to focus on your own growth and happiness without the constant validation from your SO.

    Finally, it's important to remember that you don't need to beg or chase your SO to stay with you. If the relationship is not meant to be, then it's better to let it go and move on. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you, and who is willing to work on building a relationship together.

    In short, it's okay to feel sad and anxious about your SO leaving, but it's important to remember that you are strong and capable of handling this difficult situation. You don't have to go through it alone, and you can continue to grow and thrive even without your SO in your life.

  9. Ok, stop being fascinated with Nick Cannon! You are not seriously thinking she won’t come for child support because she said she won’t right? You want to be a sperm donor, you should be seeing a lawyer and having an iron clad contract. If she balks at it, red flag shooting flares.

  10. I've seen quite a few therapists and also had some training in being a therapist.

    Sharing a limited amount of personal information can help build rapport with a client, and is thus therapeutic. However, the things you are describing, from only two sessions, are very excessive. I get the feeling the therapist is using the client (your bf) as a listening ear for her own issues!

    I would recommend he find a different therapist. Of course you can't make him, but you can suggest that this was an awful lot of her talking about herself, which is not the way therapy works. It's unprofessional and wrong. That's my opinion.

  11. I've never been able to tell this to myself even though I've felt it. He probably is trying to do what you're saying – making me beg for him to stay to treat me like shit forever.

    I don't think he cares about the abortion. He's never asked me about how I feel about it or anything of that sort.

  12. NO. there are millions of other men. Don’t do it

    Girl code still applies. Don’t be that girl.

    And stop being judgey and shaming her for dating.

  13. u/TABobcatKey9937, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

    The right way to do it is to create a brand new Reddit account that begins with ThrowRA.

    Please create a new account that starts with ThrowRA in the username and try again. Please note that we will not make exceptions to this rule.

    I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

  14. I totally agree, I just also understand being so allergic you can't actually visit. However, there are other places they can meet and visit.

  15. u/IncidentIndependent4, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

    The right way to do it is to create a brand new Reddit account that begins with ThrowRA.

    Please create a new account that starts with ThrowRA in the username and try again. Please note that we will not make exceptions to this rule.

    I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

  16. He doesn’t get the fact that many (most?) cultures in the world equate feeding people as an expression of love, comfort, or hospitality. Sounds like it didn’t work that way in his household growing up. How often do you walk into someone’s house and the first thing they do is offer you something to drink or something to eat? You keep doing you. Make him aware that he’s the odd man out here. It’s not about compliments, it’s about comfort and love.

  17. Surely somebody already said it but fishing for compliments would be “ah, this thing I cooked must be so disgusting” and then waiting for people to say it's delicious

  18. Sounds like you're already talking with him. Maybe a more serious sit down and more than casual joking. Inquiring without judgement.

    He could be a cross dresser and “effeminate” and not be gay/trans. Or he could be “closeted” due to his mom/religion. Or any number of other things. Any number of shades of grey.

    You're probably over thinking and maybe projecting a little… but it doesn't feel like too much too me. Sounds like honest questions but there's only so much you can do besides talking to him. His life, his choice and his sexuality. Sounds like you're interested and care and that's a good thing

  19. She remembers everything and also remembers that she didn't tell the other person to stop.

    There was no blacking out involved.

  20. Not really sure what exactly you are getting mad at here. Hubby has just got an earful for a hypothetical.

    Go on your fitness journey and improve your body how you want to. If your husband isn’t support or discouraged you, then you have something to discuss. But right now there doesn’t seem to be an issue and you have no right to force a preference on to him.

  21. SHE LOVES YOU, YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

    For now. I won't love anybody for that long if they treat me like you do. Being stubborn is one thing, but being unreasonable is another.

    If out of 100 times a month, she pays for 5 meals, are you an useless piece of shit who can't provide? Are you THAT FUCKING DELUSIONAL? This is not being traditional.

  22. i've been burned a lot before for trusting someone when i felt they were wrong about a fact

    I think this is your hang-up. There are some situations (maybe in the instances you were burned before), where correct information is vital. If someone collapses, and another bystander is trying to BS you about how to properly give CPR, then it is vital that you get to the bottom of it and/or stick to your guns. In many other situations, like the one you described and many in other social settings, a little inaccuracy is harmless.

    Honestly, I see a lot of myself in your post. On top of what I said, I also have a tendency to generate a framework in my head that allows me to broaden how important being right it; shit like “what if I trust this, it becomes a misconception in my head, then I am trust it at some, more important situation in the future?”. In the end, just follow the old “trust, but verify” adage, and, this is important, do the “but verify” part later when you're not together

  23. A paternity test that proves that your husband is the father is no guarantee that infidelity has not taken place. On your part or on his. It’s not so much about the paternity but more about the breakdown of trust in your relationship, obviously through no action of yours.

    If you do agree to do the paternity test, I’d insist that when the results show he is the father, that he then has to agree to counseling to deal with his trust issues if he hopes to continue with the marriage. If he refuses, then I’m afraid the marriage may be irrevocably broken, because you can’t trust that he’s willing to deal with his own issues.

  24. Those are super respectable scores, better than I would get.

    Wouldn’t you have felt like it wasn’t genuine if it was all 10s or all 10s and a 9? I mean I see these scores and I see someone who’s smitten with their girlfriend!

  25. Something I had to learn was that you only compromise on things that don’t really matter. You compromise on what to eat for dinner, what movie to watch, who’s family to visit first, etc.

    You DO NOT compromise on things that are important or that matter to you. One of those things is the timeline of the relationship.

    The speed at which the relationship progresses should NOT be the average of both people (for example, if one person wants to move faster than the other, you meet in the middle and go faster than the slower person wants to go but slower than the faster person. That’s what I mean by average.) This is NOT how that works.

    The speed of the relationship goes at the pace of the slower person. End of story. If one person is not comfortable moving forward, you don’t move forward until they’re ready.

    When trying to figure out if you’re ready to have kids as a couple, BOTH people need to be ready. You don’t compromise on this. You don’t meet in the middle. If one person is absolutely ready and the other isn’t sure, you’re not ready as a couple.

    He’s so focused on the fact that HE’S ready and wants kids, so you need to give him kids. But YOU’RE not ready. He’s calling you selfish and disrespectful. But he’s not respecting you! He doesn’t care that you’re not ready! Why is he demanding that you make compromises for him, not the other way around?

    Of course I don’t know your relationship outside of this one post, but this reeks of disrespect, coming from him. He doesn’t see you as his equal partner, he sees you as a baby maker. You deserve to be treated with love and respect.

  26. Yeah I feel like you know what you need to do, youre just too attached to pull the trigger.

    Just be aware if you stay she will just hurt you more and it'll suck significantly worse than walking away now.

  27. Any man who gets upset at his woman wanting a sex toy is not a man, he is a boy who is insecure. He needs to realize that a sex toy isn't to replace someone, it is to help make things even better.

  28. I think confusion is normal. It is hard to see someone you’ve shared a deep connection with have that with someone else.

  29. Why are you with this abusive man? I couldn’t even read it all, he gave you a concussion because you helped a woman give birth and the father hugged you?

    In the time you took to write this Reddit post, you could have left him – or at least started planning your exit. Don’t destroy your life for this man. Do not be patient, be in a hurry to get out of this clearly abusive relationship and save yourself.

  30. Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with doing. You two don’t even have kids yet and your husband is being controlling, overbearing and manipulative towards you. He’s treating you more like a baby incubator, not a wife. From the sounds of it, it would be better for you to regret not having kids than regret having kids with him.

  31. Because what he is saying has nothing to do with compromising. And that's what he is complaining about.

    Compromising is when you day you want to do something. But I don't want to do that. So we find something else that will make up both happy.

    He goes shopping or changes a date with her. She says OK. She doesn't complain or say no. That's being accepting.

  32. Another fantastic zinger. See what I mean about each new post from you being more embarrassing than the last?

  33. Life is hard enough without falling into a misery well like this. She delights in torturing you because she can see you’re in love with her. Block her everywhere. Find someone who wants to have a real relationship based on love and mutual respect. There are plenty of people who just want a life free of stupid game.

  34. “he did not want to be with me, but he also did not want me to be with anyone else”

    He wants you as a backup

  35. No doubt in my mind they are faking because doing otherwise would create a difficult working environment. I wouldn’t be surprised if, after they break up, people start approaching her and commenting on how she’s better off.

  36. No doubt in my mind they are faking because doing otherwise would create a difficult working environment. I wouldn’t be surprised if, after they break up, people start approaching her and commenting on how she’s better off.

  37. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and he has never felt the need to have an argument with my parents. That seems problematic.

  38. Of course he did. We like looking at hard girls. We really like looking and girls we know naked. You telling him not to was the icing on the cake. That made it taboo, no man can withstand that. We might not tell you we looked, but we’re gonna look.

    And this is her art. She put it out there to be appreciated.

    Your cousin got an OF?

  39. Well not really if she knew it was going on the internet

    She deserves privacy. But obviously it’s too late for that

    Also, the first part about it potentially having an impact on her husbands work or social life is hardly anecdotal. If your religious employer got word you were married to a former porn star, you would almost undoubtedly feel their wrath & judgement, even if it was subtle

  40. Doormat alert.

    Why are you asking if something is wrong with you, when something is clearly wrong with him? You can't “perfect wife” your way into reforming an asshole. All it does is give the asshole someone really nice to treat like shit.

  41. you tell her if she goes it’s over…… it will be either way. the fact she’s even considering going with someone that said they want to fuck here is a big no no!

    sit her down talk to her and ask her to flip it….. would she be ok you going with someone that wanted to fuck you?

    somethings probably already going on tbh

  42. Right??? I’ll say this, it’s inventive at least. The fertility issues make zero sense too. They’d never let this go 7 rounds of IVF if husband didn’t have viable sperm.

  43. Is respite care available in your area? Can you turn to a local church – this is just the kind of project that would be doable. please TALK TO HER DOCTOR ABOUT SOCIAL SERVICE OPTIONS.

    Do not fix yourself, you are human being struggling under a load. You are not a martyr to her cause. You need to be ok to have anything to give to her.

  44. Grandparents rights are no where near as simple as you seem to think they are. They aren't “i wanna see my grandkids waaaaah”. Grandparents rights are given when parents are found not suitable to basically be good parents. You're fucked in this aspect.

  45. May I suggest … you stop responding to me?

    You are very self assured, judging from here and your post history. Let's leave the OP's thread and you can take it up with me elsewhere if you still feel the need. Start your own thread.

  46. Maybe she's just using writing as a way of letting out fluttering feelings. Try and put yourself in her shoes.

    On the other hand….. Y'all are also very young and have long lives ahead, God willing, don't get too attached to anything this young.

  47. Ye okay ty for confirming it. I think you hit the nail on the head with this.

    Will try to keep that whole rl stuff on a backseat for now and see where she/we stand in a couple of months time. Its really just the fear of rejection and uncertainity after she gets better that haunts me.

  48. I mean, I would say for him its wasting time and money and ruining his health – physical and mental.

    And for us its empty promises i guess. Which kind of makes me not trust him or feel I cant take what he says seriously. And I would prefer not to go to bed by myself and he's high on the couch lol.

  49. LMAO Making snarky rude comments about some one else’s post. Than cry foul and victim when treated the same way you treated others….priceless!

    Scrolling past comments to much to read is your friend.

  50. Women can and do have their own form of internalized misogyny. As well, the ultimate decision makers continue to be men.

  51. It is at this point in your life where you are gonna be a mama too (Congrats!) and it is time to put on your big mama bear pants and go to bat fucking hard for this child. Because your parents will absolutely mess them up if they get extended access to them in any form. I cannot even fathom a mother saying to their thirty-year-old married daughter 'I hope you aren't pregnant'. That's disgusting.

    I think it's time to just go very cold naked facts with them. If they start lecturing or being nasty, you hang up the phone. I'm absolutely fucking serious. You tell them in no uncertain terms that if they want anything to do with this child that they will back the fuck up with the emotional abuse and stop with the lecturing. And if they get on the train again, you will block them and cease giving them any information about your life.

    Call them at the same time you're telling everyone else, share the news as you would with anyone else, and then if they start on it just say very clearly (and you can have a notebook nearby to read off!) that you do not want to hear anything but congratulations from them or you will hang up. And if they keep on with it, stick to your guns and hang up.

    You owe them nothing.

    You have a new family that adores you and a husband that is sticking by you. Time to rip the band-aid off and stop trying to people please and avoid conflict and draw a fucking line in the sand for your child.

    Also book in for therapy because that's a lot of parenting baggage to bring to a new child.

  52. Also remember if you’re basically preparing for them to be unhappy either way, might as well wait and enjoy the peace while you can. It’s not like they’ll be happy if you tell them early, you’re just making yourself unhappy all that much sooner.

  53. You have long time female best friend who is jealous of your wife, and you setting boundaries. Yeah, this never ends well.

  54. At the end of the day you have to set your priorities straight, would you rather stay with an asshole who beat you and called you names or be able to live your life without fear and stress?

    With setting your priorities straight comes confidence in your wise choice, with confidence comes strength and indifference.

    He never cared about what people would think of him so why should you?

  55. This seems like a pretty reasonable choice on their part. You say you're single right now – why does it bother you so much that you didn't have the opportunity to invite a stranger to your family members' weddings?

    To me, this seems like you are upset with yourself for being single, and projecting it onto your family members for reminding you of that. But I see zero problem with their invitations. If you have somebody you want to bring to their wedding whom the bride and groom don't know, or if you have nobody to bring and you're sad anyway… that's just a wee bit entitled.

  56. To me this would mean that she instantly lost access to my phone. I would also look at websites such as the hotline that have descriptions of controlling and abusive behavior, to help you look at rather this is a one-off situation or a pattern.

  57. I'll tell you why: she's an enabler. You shouldn't feel bad for people who either a) allowed the abuse to happen by not intervening and/or b) refuse to acknowledge there was ever any abuse happening/acknowledge the damage that was done to you/your psyche.

    Personally, i wouldn't attend. But then again I don't give a fuck what any of my family thinks, I was abused for so long that their opinions of me or lack thereof have no bearing on my actions.

  58. She cheated on you, so in my book it's over – I'd never tolerate that, and I wouldn't recommend you do, either – you'll never fully trust her again. So I'd suggest moving on and finding someone who isn't unfaithful.

    And having said that, you said later in your post that sometimes you feel like she's hiding things from you – in my experience, trust in your instincts.

  59. Then why are you still dating him? In fact, why did you start dating him knowing that he cheated with a taken girl? How did that not instantly make your attraction to him evaporate?

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