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Yuli, y.o.
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Date: October 9, 2022
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I thought she would find out if I changed birth control and she would kick me out. I love my boyfriend and there’s nothing wrong with our ages. He wanted to marry me before I let him go.
She mentioned how nude she worked back in college while taking these two majors. Me being an immigrant, the hardworking mentality goes hand in hand. I didn't think this is how she would become later on.
Schooling is one thing, work often a whole other.
. She says that no one is going to pay for her school even if she does get in.
She already has two undergrad…what was she planning on doing with them?
. She insists that she doesn't want my help or anyone's help. I can't seem to make sense out of this.
Then how comes she's not working fulltime? Yes, pcos is a pain in the ass, but tons of women have it and still work fulltime and study.
She never mentioned any of this until a year ago. If I had known that she was giving up on opportunities, I would have told her to not do it.
Sounds like she's just making excuses.
Okay sooo bit of a different perspective here. The closer you get to a person, the more them leaving you is going to hurt. So for some people the fear of getting hurt raises its ugly head unconsciously and they start distancing themselves by becoming passive and sexually disinterested. There's some great writing on this by a German psychotherapist called Stefanie Stahl.
No advice can be given. You fucked up.
Most people celebrate at the end of the year
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So recently my wife met a new friend. He's a friend of a friend, so not a complete stranger. Anyway, he's a photographer and mostly does weddings and stuff. Anyway, he apparently asked her if she'd do some 'bikini modeling'. He's apparently trying to get into doing boudoir shoots, but has never done any. He's looking to build a portfolio of some 'sexy but tasteful' photos. Well my wife volunteered.
They've done a few photo shoots. How many I dont know, at least 3. I told her I wasn't super comfy as I don't really know the guy. She says he's a professional and to not worry. I've asked to come watch, but they're always when I'm at work. They can never find a time that also fits my schedule…
I've asked to see some of the photos. But they're “Not ready yet.”
It feels off and I'm not really sure what to do.
Idk that I like that you did it, but I also have no sympathy for people who cheat even if it was in the past.
I'm getting weird vibes from this interaction though. Feels like your motivations are not kosher.
She cannot be trusted. She is the one who saved the pics (no matter where!) so they could be disseminated in the first place. She broke your trust so I would not be trusting anything she says at this point. She's just trying to save herself. I would end this. She's already a proven liar.
I asked if everything is okay and he immediately got irritated and found it ‘odd’ that I asked. Waited for another day. Last night, I said good night x and he was live! for at least half an hour, did not even check my text neither replied.
Today I decided to take the bandaid off all in one go so told him that if he was trying to drift away. He became that person again and accused me of being needy and crazy even.
I just fail to understand how did he come here from planning our wedding? I don’t understand if i did something wrong. According to my specialist friend he is borderline sociopath and self centered.
At this point it hurts even worse than before since I let myself fall for him again…
Some details I might forgot to mention, any help is appreciated. Ready to answer any questions asked.
Thank you.
Never had that encounter.
When you have young dogs, you put your shit away or you have the dogs crated when you can’t supervise them. That isn’t a nude concept.
Personally, I (44F) would bail with the dogs if she’s that bat shit crazy.
Make sure they’re chipped in your name and you’re on the vet records. Then take the dogs and ditch crazy lady.
I’m going to be blunt.
You are 24 years old. You don’t need a husband. You need to get some life and relationship experience to show you what you actually want in life and relationships.
If I had married the guy I though my I’d marry at 24, I’d be divorced.
This is why you don’t shit where you eat. Bring this to HR.
And look at how many that have kids compared to countries that can afford it. The birth rate is far below. And those who have children are those who have more resources than the others and can risk sparing them or have children to get more resources to survive off of.
Yup. Don’t be passive. Be proactive with intention. Cmon bro
The first mistake was getting married before you had worked through this. The second mistake was continually apologizing for something which you’ve apologized repeatedly. The third was apologizing at all. You didn’t do anything wrong by sleeping with people before you met your now wife. This is her problem and she needs to find a way past it. Help her where you can but stop apologizing.
yup! I will too!
Why not cook your own food instead?
Basically, boys are assholes. I know this for a fact because I used to be one.
OMG I MEANT IM ALSO 20 OMG
Likely she sensed you were holding back and pulled back herself. After all, part of why that dynamic was so meaningful to you [and likely the same for her] was that you were so open and raw with each other. It was cathartic and real. And yet in the end you ended up doing your own mental gymnastics, albeit ones that resulted in you keeping her at arms length.
And sometimes that can be a consideration. You avoiding the risk of losing her may have lead to you accidentally alienating her. Sometimes when feelings come they change the dynamic whether you like it or not.
So I suppose be real about that. If you don't want to bottle it up maybe just be honest. At this point there is no longer much to lose, you are already getting increasingly distant.
Well said
Why not try to impress your date with jokes you really did make up or anecdotes that really did happen to you?
Although actually, why try to impress your date? Why not just try to have a good time together?
I mean. Does it matter? If he thought you were a downgrade, why would he bother being with you? Unless, call me crazy, he thinks you’re just as beautiful and wonderful as the last person ??♀️
Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to comment ?
Thank you