I highly doubt this is the last time she'll have to deal with those insecurities. That all depends on how irrational his fear is. If it's irrational enough, he could still end up accusing her of cheating later.
I decided to do some silly shit in my mum's Tarago in an empty carpark when I was younger. No snow, not even any rain, but it saved me when I aquaplaned a few months later.
First thing I did when I bought my CR-V was take it to an empty carpark and do some more stupid shit, just so I knew how it handled. A few years later it saved me again when I found myself in snow hiding black ice…
But the difference is I chose very large, empty carparks and I was perfectly willing to pay for whatever damages I inflicted on the cars I was in and anything else I might have hit. I've also never totalled a car and the only collision I've ever been in was very minor and dealt with outside of insurance because it was a broken tail light.
My point is if she hadn't told you anything your feelings wouldn't be hurt because you wouldn't know…
If it hurts your feelings then tell her. But in the end you two should really keep your sex lives separate. There's no reason you two should be telling each other that information. It's like your asking to be hurt.. you guys my be friends but your still exs and fairly new ex's at that.
If you don't allow me to control what you call yourselves then I refuse to be a part of your lives. They should absolutely take him up on that offer without guilt or regret.
You cannot control how other people treat you, you CAN control who you allow in your life.
Thank you so much for your response. My family wasn’t very supportive, my sister was but my mother and brother were not. my mothers response when the original thing happened indicates to me that if I told her what happened here she would say something similar. That I put myself in the situation. And maybe I did? I ignored red flags.
He ignored me all day yesterday and I was hoping he ghosted me, but he contacted me this morning trying to be sweet and I used him ignoring me as a springboard to act completely bat shit crazy over it. And then break up with him. He was still insistent about trying to meet in person to talk about it and so I FaceTime him and I deserve an Oscar for my performance. I think he took the bait.
So I think it’s going to be OK. My doctors appointment went OK and I have pain meds now.
And no one is saying he should. There is a difference between having time to yourself and spending a whole weekend away from your partner and children regularly.
You can't really change who she is and what she does. In the end it is her life and her body and if she wants to show off herself in lingerie than you can't really do much to stop that.
You can only decide whether this crosses a boundary for you, and come to accept that she is not the kind of partner you're looking for.
This is so laughable this guy thinks taking out the trash and cleaning the litter box as equatable to what he has listed she does. He probably left out a huge number of things she does that he doesn’t even notice.
Girl you don't need relationship advice, you need to break up with that dickhead.
It's one thing to make a joke, in bad taste but still, and then acknowledge your shitty behaviour and not repeat yourself. It's another thing to keep on hurting your partner's feeling willingly. That's what he's doing and it's abusive behaviour.
One thing I should add is that he’s a person who likes to say he will do things and never does.. if you have anything else to add on please do, thanks for your comment
I am also not sure if I am making the right decision in wanting to leave him.
Are you waiting for actual physical proof of infidelity? Why? You already know he's lost interest, you already know he's flirting, you already know he's actively looking around.
Are you waiting for him to dump you? Why? Better to leave a bad relationship with your dignity intact.
If you have the funds to leave, then do so. Start looking today for somewhere new to online. If you do not have the funds, then start collecting them. Pick up a part-time job, if necessary, to get the money together to leave. Once you have the money together, look for roommates, if needed.
As for HOW to tell your bf that you want to break up, the simpler the better. “I'm ending our relationship because it's not what I want anymore. Thanks for the good memories and I wish you well in your life. I'm moving out on (date). I'd appreciate it if you could make yourself scarce that day as I'll be in and out a lot moving my things. Thanks.”
Don't tell him all the things wrong with the relationship; he'll just want to argue. Don't get sucked into an argument; focus on the task at hand. This relationship is NOT what you want…how can he argue with that? That it IS what you want?!? Nope. I don't like it, I don't want it, I'm leaving. Say it like a mantra in your head if need be. Don't agree to a meet-up at a later date; remind him that you've told him repeatedly what makes you unhappy, nothing's changed, so you're done. Don't argue; pack and leave!
Remember: The reason you're dating is to find a partner to share your long-term goals with and you work together as a team to reach those shared goals. THAT is not THIS relationship. Every month you spend in THIS relationship is a month you're not finding your true PARTNER in life!
Like everybody else says, cheating is cheating. Plus, do you really want to be with a guy who talks like a fucking douche?
I highly doubt this is the last time she'll have to deal with those insecurities. That all depends on how irrational his fear is. If it's irrational enough, he could still end up accusing her of cheating later.
He needed to do all this before cheating, though.
That does not make sense, I have had close friends become FWB then go back to bring just close friends again when we didn’t want to be FWB anymore
It’s just like is it easier to just start fresh and be done I dunno
I decided to do some silly shit in my mum's Tarago in an empty carpark when I was younger. No snow, not even any rain, but it saved me when I aquaplaned a few months later.
First thing I did when I bought my CR-V was take it to an empty carpark and do some more stupid shit, just so I knew how it handled. A few years later it saved me again when I found myself in snow hiding black ice…
But the difference is I chose very large, empty carparks and I was perfectly willing to pay for whatever damages I inflicted on the cars I was in and anything else I might have hit. I've also never totalled a car and the only collision I've ever been in was very minor and dealt with outside of insurance because it was a broken tail light.
Honestly, the only thing missing from the post was a “Stay toxic!” at the end.
My point is if she hadn't told you anything your feelings wouldn't be hurt because you wouldn't know…
If it hurts your feelings then tell her. But in the end you two should really keep your sex lives separate. There's no reason you two should be telling each other that information. It's like your asking to be hurt.. you guys my be friends but your still exs and fairly new ex's at that.
I do love upsetting the dog freaks ?
He's wrong for extorting them.
If you don't allow me to control what you call yourselves then I refuse to be a part of your lives. They should absolutely take him up on that offer without guilt or regret.
You cannot control how other people treat you, you CAN control who you allow in your life.
Mental illness is not a cause nor an excuse for cheating. No need for armchair diagnosis here, shes just a terrible person.
thank you, that was really validating. i'll speak with them both one last time i think and see if we can meet in the middle
Thank you so much for your response. My family wasn’t very supportive, my sister was but my mother and brother were not. my mothers response when the original thing happened indicates to me that if I told her what happened here she would say something similar. That I put myself in the situation. And maybe I did? I ignored red flags.
He ignored me all day yesterday and I was hoping he ghosted me, but he contacted me this morning trying to be sweet and I used him ignoring me as a springboard to act completely bat shit crazy over it. And then break up with him. He was still insistent about trying to meet in person to talk about it and so I FaceTime him and I deserve an Oscar for my performance. I think he took the bait.
So I think it’s going to be OK. My doctors appointment went OK and I have pain meds now.
Life must be great if our complaint is not meeting our partners barber. What a time to be alive.
And no one is saying he should. There is a difference between having time to yourself and spending a whole weekend away from your partner and children regularly.
You can't really change who she is and what she does. In the end it is her life and her body and if she wants to show off herself in lingerie than you can't really do much to stop that.
You can only decide whether this crosses a boundary for you, and come to accept that she is not the kind of partner you're looking for.
This is so laughable this guy thinks taking out the trash and cleaning the litter box as equatable to what he has listed she does. He probably left out a huge number of things she does that he doesn’t even notice.
Girl you don't need relationship advice, you need to break up with that dickhead.
It's one thing to make a joke, in bad taste but still, and then acknowledge your shitty behaviour and not repeat yourself. It's another thing to keep on hurting your partner's feeling willingly. That's what he's doing and it's abusive behaviour.
One thing I should add is that he’s a person who likes to say he will do things and never does.. if you have anything else to add on please do, thanks for your comment
I seem to remember something about “in sickness and in health.” Hmm.
it would be very helpful if you could give me actual advice instead of a judgement.
I am also not sure if I am making the right decision in wanting to leave him.
Are you waiting for actual physical proof of infidelity? Why? You already know he's lost interest, you already know he's flirting, you already know he's actively looking around.
Are you waiting for him to dump you? Why? Better to leave a bad relationship with your dignity intact.
If you have the funds to leave, then do so. Start looking today for somewhere new to online. If you do not have the funds, then start collecting them. Pick up a part-time job, if necessary, to get the money together to leave. Once you have the money together, look for roommates, if needed.
As for HOW to tell your bf that you want to break up, the simpler the better. “I'm ending our relationship because it's not what I want anymore. Thanks for the good memories and I wish you well in your life. I'm moving out on (date). I'd appreciate it if you could make yourself scarce that day as I'll be in and out a lot moving my things. Thanks.”
Don't tell him all the things wrong with the relationship; he'll just want to argue. Don't get sucked into an argument; focus on the task at hand. This relationship is NOT what you want…how can he argue with that? That it IS what you want?!? Nope. I don't like it, I don't want it, I'm leaving. Say it like a mantra in your head if need be. Don't agree to a meet-up at a later date; remind him that you've told him repeatedly what makes you unhappy, nothing's changed, so you're done. Don't argue; pack and leave!
Remember: The reason you're dating is to find a partner to share your long-term goals with and you work together as a team to reach those shared goals. THAT is not THIS relationship. Every month you spend in THIS relationship is a month you're not finding your true PARTNER in life!
Ok, but then you don’t let it be an issue.