Everyone deserves some privacy, I don't care how long you are married. Showering, bathing, using the toilet, all qualify. I would have a real issue if my spouse was breaking and entering when I was doing those things
Riiight. Because you dated nothing but eloquent goddesses and reframed from sex when you were 14. Like a true gentleman! Pretty sure you were jacking off in dirty socks and wiping Cheeto dust on your pants in between Fortnite matches.
Making changes is easy for 3 weeks that's the truth. If expectations have been spoken about then when the ring comes back should have been 8ncluded in that conversation.
Your feelings are absolutely valid. Seven years ago, you made a commitment to each other that it would be monogamous. He doesn’t get to change the terms without both of you agree. If his ADHD is so bad that he wants to cheat and blame his condition, then he isn’t getting appropriate treatment. Lots of people, with autism or with ADHD or both, have successful monogamous relationships without infidelity issues.
This is a situation, where the damage is done. You worked as an individual therapy because obviously this is a lot for you to work through, and your relationship needs professional help like with couples counseling. It needs to be addressed, and probably with a third-party which can hold you both accountable and honest. I say that because a therapist will call him out, that he’ll try to be as faithful as possible and that ADHD can make him unfaithful.
Have you people seriously never head of trust, but verify?
He had doubts that were easily validated. And solved them without accusing you of anything. Raising someone else’s kid is a huge and realistic fear and is confirming it’s yours is easy and cheap. Most people who are cheated on trusted there partner, and romantic partners take advantage of trust all the time. Reading through these comments are unhinged.
You seem to put the idea of infidelity as something unimaginable and that your husband is accusing you of cheating baselessly. He isn’t. He is validating a rational fear. This is no different than going to check if the door is locked after hearing that it is. The stakes are so high and the ease of checking so low.
I think the real fear is that had he decided that it wasn’t his kid he’d leave.
You have kids with another father and this is your first kid together so they wouldn’t look like their step sibling.
Your gf is a serial cheater. The fact she doesn’t care enough about your feelings to cut off the guy she uses to utilize the cheating speaks volumes about her decision. Be prepared for a repeat of her previous relationship.
Hi fellow friend who has an ED diagnosis – I just wanted to say that if he is truly the reason why you want the surgery, please don’t get it.
If you truly want a cosmetic surgery for yourself, then by all means do what makes you happy.
The title and the way you wrote this seems like it’s for or because of him and not for you. Although it’s a cosmetic surgery, it still comes with risks and a tough recovery.
Maybe you could talk to a therapist or counselor about it to really sort out your feelings and mindset first.
Well, for those of us that graduated the 3rd grade, 23 – 2 = 21. /r/indesomniac, the person you're reply to, gave HIM the benefit of the doubt that she might've just turned 22 when they started dating and she might just be about now to turn 24.
But it's cool, seems we triggered you. Maybe you've got some skeletons you don't want us to know but you're sus reactions to a very reasonable extrapolation of the ages in the story lead us to believe you're really sensitive to something.
As in, did you masturbate too much? Only you can decide that. Personally, I would not have any issues with my partner masturbating as long as it didn’t interfere with our sex life together. She wasn’t there, you satisfied yourself…would she have preferred that you cheat on her? ?
I don't know any women (of my acquaintance) who think like her. That's just crazy!!! Even if she was joking, the fact that her mind works in that way is enough for me to suggest you break up with her to protect yourself.
And if/when he doesn't like you, this feature will be worse/ugly again, according to him. A compliment isn't worth anything if it involves putting someone else down imo.
Your BF shouldn't be commenting on people's appearances in such a negative way, it's bad manners. This girl isn't for his viewing pleasure, she's just living her life. He shouldn't have to be told this lol, pretty immature behavior tbh. It costs nothing to be kind.
I would feel pretty uneasy about a comment like this, and I would not be ok with it. A respectful partner will build you up without having to tear anyone else down. If he only doesn't think this feature is “gross” because he likes you, that's very conditional. I'd be worried your BF would use it as a putdown if he was unhappy with you. You don't need that kind of negativity or stress.
I would talk with him and be straight up about how this is unacceptable. Sometimes people are just ignorant about how to behave properly. Teenagers are just learning how to become adults, which is ok. However, if he doesn't shape up, I would personally ship out since I'd find those flimsy compliments not something worth tolerating. Finding someone that loves all of you is so powerful and worth the vetting of poor partners.
The gender of the photographer shouldn't matter. Ideally this entire photoshoot would be undertaken in an atmosphere of professionalism and confidentiality.
You shouldn't have to be a woman to be considered a trustworthy professional to other women.
The real issue here is either OP being unreasonably jealous or OP's wife being suspiciously engaging with a friend unknown to OP. She is old enough to know better.
Honestly, it's nude as F**k to think that I will be losing someone who's practically become a staple in my life for the past half-year, but You're absolutely right.
I think you are best placed to make the call here. Did you ever have the chat about one of them turning up with a boyfriend? I think unless you are absolutely certain your husband is going to be cool with this, it's better, with their permission, for this to come from you. At least you will know the right words and phrases to use after all these years?
There are probably better subreddits to seek advice on personal growth and learning how to say what you feel in the moment.
From a relationship perspective, properly receiving love, attention and affection is just as important as knowing how to give it. You have to be clear about what you want in order to give your partner peace of mind.
Its okay to be selfish. You're supposed to look out for yourself, first and foremost. You are valuable and your needs and wants are important. Ultimately adjusting to that mindset takes time and practice – there's no special trick to it.
Make new friends and distract yourself with hobbies. There are FB and Meetup groups for everything—ladies’ nights, book clubs, volleyball, hiking, climbing, camping, drinking, dating, crocheting, hunting, you name it. Don’t know what your jam is, but pick a few things. Honestly—I know it’s a bit toxic to think this way, but I’d start enjoying yourself/making friends/being hot/being active/staying happy in spite of him. Take pictures with your new friends and doing your new hobbies and look back on them when you start missing him. Eventually you’ll stop doing things in spite of him and start to thoroughly enjoy life and online it for yourself only. You’ll likely meet someone new and get over him, too.
I mean it happened just once that I left him on read. The other times he texted me late at night so I could response only in the morning and usually he’s not the one who reply back in the mornings. Also I’m quite an enthusiastic texter and I was even afraid that maybe I’m too much for him and A bit overeager with my messages since he’s a bit I experienced.
Marrying someone quickly and marrying them young, and then it working out, is the exception not the rule. A small percentage of people get lucky and it works out, but I have seen one success story like that in my life and many failures. And the success story wasn’t someone marrying someone they just met, it was getting married a little less than a year after they had been dating and after they knew each other for a while before that.
I’ve been in my relationship for 7 years, and my biggest piece of advice to people is do not get married until you go through some form of hardship together. Death in the family, financial troubles, illness, etc. You don’t know someone’s true colors until you know how to weather those storms together. Sure, you don’t see any red flags now because you’re still in the honeymoon phase. Someone buying you flowers isn’t indicative of being a good partner – literally anyone who wants to charm you can do that.
Obviously tell her, but there will be a reason for this. Either a blockage or hormones or whatever but its usually treatable with either surgery or drugs.
Couples therapist will frequently have 1-on-1 sessions which each member of the couple with the goal of improving the relationship. It’s not individual counseling, but individual sessions so that each party has a chance to talk to the therapist without the other individual present. I’m assuming this is what she is talking about
He knows she knows, and if she is ok with moving past it/giving him another “chance” so to speak, who knows? Maybe they'll be laughing about it 10 years from now.
That’s not what he said. According to OP he disclosed his diagnosis during an argument and told OP’s mom there was “nothing she could do about it.” Then, instead of showing any understanding that he disclosed his concerning diagnosis in the worst way possible so no shit OP’s mom is panicking, he is suggesting OP just cut contact.
It is not uncommon for abuse to present itself or ramp up after a major relationship milestone, such as pregnancy. Its extremely concerning that he chose to initiate these chain of events after OP became pregnant.
You’re also ignoring that this particular diagnosis essentially lays out that he is incapable of feeling empathy and loving OP in the way she loves him. Of course her mother is concerned/upset.
Well, if that's the case…. I suppose you can lay out what you've said here, and make it clear that this is untenable for you and you are breaking up.
In this instance, I would not lay down an ultimatum about 'more sex or I'm walking' because that is just… well it won't work and there's lots of things that could go really wrong with that.
So yeah. It sounds like it's time to leave. I'm sorry.
You absolutely should start therapy asap. This is super unhealthy and is going to destroy all the good stuff you have with him now if you don’t deal with it.
Right? By one persons carefully crafted narrative of events that no matter what will give themselves off in a positive light and the other in an opposing. If it were this cut and dry I think it would be pretty obvious what was happening. If you want useful relationship advice don’t give the gender because you’re bound to be treated a whole lot differently on a sub like this.
So today I went shopping in a different area of the city without my phone for a couple of hours. I stopped responding for like 6 hours because I just left it at home and went out. „Suddenly “ I ran into him. He claimed that he needed to buy something too. Idk how he was able to find me without my phone
i don’t know what i want at this point. But my relationship with him was so good. and it’s like i can’t let go of that, not yet anyway. it’s so much easier said than done to just walk away
Discharge happens any time of the month. Whatever you're describing doesn't sound like anything honestly. Is there a smell? Is she red or itchy? Is sex more painful for her?
Discharge happens daily. It's supposed to – that's how the vagina stays clean. Dried discharge can become discolored.
I suggest you just get tested yourself without her. Chances are you're just 20 years old and over thinking.
In 5, 10 years are you going to regret being known as “the girl that hooked up with Jake” (which I don’t think is a bad thing at all, and frat boys opinions don’t hold that much weight in the long run), or are you going to regret not giving a really great guy a chance?
ask him out for a coffee. tell him that you need work advice. do that and see how the convo going. if all going well, in the end of it tell him that you fancy him and ask whether he's interested to go on a date.
if he says no at least your feeling hasn't gone too deep
Friends and family is pretty much impossible. Family lives on hour away and if I needed help from friends it would be too much almost daily. So I think I am gonna have to reach out to my employer and/or start looking for something else. This in between period where I still need my job and don’t have the solution right now and where I am still dependent on him is just extremely stressful. I just atarted the job 3 months ago and it is my first job after finishing school.
I don’t think you are silly at all . The feelings you have are natural and perfectly reasonable . I hope you can find a way forward .
Because he is a psychopath.
Everyone deserves some privacy, I don't care how long you are married. Showering, bathing, using the toilet, all qualify. I would have a real issue if my spouse was breaking and entering when I was doing those things
Riiight. Because you dated nothing but eloquent goddesses and reframed from sex when you were 14. Like a true gentleman! Pretty sure you were jacking off in dirty socks and wiping Cheeto dust on your pants in between Fortnite matches.
Making changes is easy for 3 weeks that's the truth. If expectations have been spoken about then when the ring comes back should have been 8ncluded in that conversation.
Good luck
Definitely update
Your feelings are absolutely valid. Seven years ago, you made a commitment to each other that it would be monogamous. He doesn’t get to change the terms without both of you agree. If his ADHD is so bad that he wants to cheat and blame his condition, then he isn’t getting appropriate treatment. Lots of people, with autism or with ADHD or both, have successful monogamous relationships without infidelity issues.
This is a situation, where the damage is done. You worked as an individual therapy because obviously this is a lot for you to work through, and your relationship needs professional help like with couples counseling. It needs to be addressed, and probably with a third-party which can hold you both accountable and honest. I say that because a therapist will call him out, that he’ll try to be as faithful as possible and that ADHD can make him unfaithful.
Have you people seriously never head of trust, but verify?
He had doubts that were easily validated. And solved them without accusing you of anything. Raising someone else’s kid is a huge and realistic fear and is confirming it’s yours is easy and cheap. Most people who are cheated on trusted there partner, and romantic partners take advantage of trust all the time. Reading through these comments are unhinged.
You seem to put the idea of infidelity as something unimaginable and that your husband is accusing you of cheating baselessly. He isn’t. He is validating a rational fear. This is no different than going to check if the door is locked after hearing that it is. The stakes are so high and the ease of checking so low.
I think the real fear is that had he decided that it wasn’t his kid he’d leave.
You have kids with another father and this is your first kid together so they wouldn’t look like their step sibling.
Your gf is a serial cheater. The fact she doesn’t care enough about your feelings to cut off the guy she uses to utilize the cheating speaks volumes about her decision. Be prepared for a repeat of her previous relationship.
Hi fellow friend who has an ED diagnosis – I just wanted to say that if he is truly the reason why you want the surgery, please don’t get it.
If you truly want a cosmetic surgery for yourself, then by all means do what makes you happy.
The title and the way you wrote this seems like it’s for or because of him and not for you. Although it’s a cosmetic surgery, it still comes with risks and a tough recovery.
Maybe you could talk to a therapist or counselor about it to really sort out your feelings and mindset first.
Leave. What a horrible way to online.
Bf [36M] wants me [23F] to buy him a gun
So, we’ve been dating almost two years.
Well, for those of us that graduated the 3rd grade, 23 – 2 = 21. /r/indesomniac, the person you're reply to, gave HIM the benefit of the doubt that she might've just turned 22 when they started dating and she might just be about now to turn 24.
But it's cool, seems we triggered you. Maybe you've got some skeletons you don't want us to know but you're sus reactions to a very reasonable extrapolation of the ages in the story lead us to believe you're really sensitive to something.
This would make you a “straw purchaser”, which could get you in serious trouble if the gun is used in a crime, or is otherwise misused.
Don't do it.
As in, did you masturbate too much? Only you can decide that. Personally, I would not have any issues with my partner masturbating as long as it didn’t interfere with our sex life together. She wasn’t there, you satisfied yourself…would she have preferred that you cheat on her? ?
Talk to a lawyer!
Get him to put you thru school!!
I don't know any women (of my acquaintance) who think like her. That's just crazy!!! Even if she was joking, the fact that her mind works in that way is enough for me to suggest you break up with her to protect yourself.
And if/when he doesn't like you, this feature will be worse/ugly again, according to him. A compliment isn't worth anything if it involves putting someone else down imo.
Your BF shouldn't be commenting on people's appearances in such a negative way, it's bad manners. This girl isn't for his viewing pleasure, she's just living her life. He shouldn't have to be told this lol, pretty immature behavior tbh. It costs nothing to be kind.
I would feel pretty uneasy about a comment like this, and I would not be ok with it. A respectful partner will build you up without having to tear anyone else down. If he only doesn't think this feature is “gross” because he likes you, that's very conditional. I'd be worried your BF would use it as a putdown if he was unhappy with you. You don't need that kind of negativity or stress.
I would talk with him and be straight up about how this is unacceptable. Sometimes people are just ignorant about how to behave properly. Teenagers are just learning how to become adults, which is ok. However, if he doesn't shape up, I would personally ship out since I'd find those flimsy compliments not something worth tolerating. Finding someone that loves all of you is so powerful and worth the vetting of poor partners.
why are so many of the reply’s getting deleted
The gender of the photographer shouldn't matter. Ideally this entire photoshoot would be undertaken in an atmosphere of professionalism and confidentiality.
You shouldn't have to be a woman to be considered a trustworthy professional to other women.
The real issue here is either OP being unreasonably jealous or OP's wife being suspiciously engaging with a friend unknown to OP. She is old enough to know better.
Uhhhh leave?
Your bf is overreacting. I have three cats and two of them (the female cats) always hiss and swat at each other. We just keep them in different rooms
I don’t. I really don’t care that he likes black women just the fact that he just saw a skin colour and went with it. Nothing even the face
Well if you wanna set everything on fire you could press the issue lol. Kids is definitely a deal breaker.
Cutting it off, seems likely the best option.
Honestly, it's nude as F**k to think that I will be losing someone who's practically become a staple in my life for the past half-year, but You're absolutely right.
Take my Masterpiece Award because this is fucking PERFECT!
I think you are best placed to make the call here. Did you ever have the chat about one of them turning up with a boyfriend? I think unless you are absolutely certain your husband is going to be cool with this, it's better, with their permission, for this to come from you. At least you will know the right words and phrases to use after all these years?
And she is absolutely right. Your sister is toxic. You have no respect and you both need therapy.
Hey thanks for responding! Would you mind sharing why you feel that way? That would be really helpful!
There are probably better subreddits to seek advice on personal growth and learning how to say what you feel in the moment.
From a relationship perspective, properly receiving love, attention and affection is just as important as knowing how to give it. You have to be clear about what you want in order to give your partner peace of mind.
Its okay to be selfish. You're supposed to look out for yourself, first and foremost. You are valuable and your needs and wants are important. Ultimately adjusting to that mindset takes time and practice – there's no special trick to it.
Make new friends and distract yourself with hobbies. There are FB and Meetup groups for everything—ladies’ nights, book clubs, volleyball, hiking, climbing, camping, drinking, dating, crocheting, hunting, you name it. Don’t know what your jam is, but pick a few things. Honestly—I know it’s a bit toxic to think this way, but I’d start enjoying yourself/making friends/being hot/being active/staying happy in spite of him. Take pictures with your new friends and doing your new hobbies and look back on them when you start missing him. Eventually you’ll stop doing things in spite of him and start to thoroughly enjoy life and online it for yourself only. You’ll likely meet someone new and get over him, too.
I mean it happened just once that I left him on read. The other times he texted me late at night so I could response only in the morning and usually he’s not the one who reply back in the mornings. Also I’m quite an enthusiastic texter and I was even afraid that maybe I’m too much for him and A bit overeager with my messages since he’s a bit I experienced.
You are being used by an immature idiot. He is 10 years younger & seems to be more interested in your breasts than you as a person.
Dump him & find an actual adult.
UpdateMe!
Marrying someone quickly and marrying them young, and then it working out, is the exception not the rule. A small percentage of people get lucky and it works out, but I have seen one success story like that in my life and many failures. And the success story wasn’t someone marrying someone they just met, it was getting married a little less than a year after they had been dating and after they knew each other for a while before that.
I’ve been in my relationship for 7 years, and my biggest piece of advice to people is do not get married until you go through some form of hardship together. Death in the family, financial troubles, illness, etc. You don’t know someone’s true colors until you know how to weather those storms together. Sure, you don’t see any red flags now because you’re still in the honeymoon phase. Someone buying you flowers isn’t indicative of being a good partner – literally anyone who wants to charm you can do that.
Obviously tell her, but there will be a reason for this. Either a blockage or hormones or whatever but its usually treatable with either surgery or drugs.
This is the way.
Fire the counselor and consult an attorney. Make a plan to end this. Your husband doesn't care. He's never going to help.
Couples therapist will frequently have 1-on-1 sessions which each member of the couple with the goal of improving the relationship. It’s not individual counseling, but individual sessions so that each party has a chance to talk to the therapist without the other individual present. I’m assuming this is what she is talking about
I think this is good advice.
He knows she knows, and if she is ok with moving past it/giving him another “chance” so to speak, who knows? Maybe they'll be laughing about it 10 years from now.
That’s not what he said. According to OP he disclosed his diagnosis during an argument and told OP’s mom there was “nothing she could do about it.” Then, instead of showing any understanding that he disclosed his concerning diagnosis in the worst way possible so no shit OP’s mom is panicking, he is suggesting OP just cut contact.
It is not uncommon for abuse to present itself or ramp up after a major relationship milestone, such as pregnancy. Its extremely concerning that he chose to initiate these chain of events after OP became pregnant.
You’re also ignoring that this particular diagnosis essentially lays out that he is incapable of feeling empathy and loving OP in the way she loves him. Of course her mother is concerned/upset.
Well, if that's the case…. I suppose you can lay out what you've said here, and make it clear that this is untenable for you and you are breaking up.
In this instance, I would not lay down an ultimatum about 'more sex or I'm walking' because that is just… well it won't work and there's lots of things that could go really wrong with that.
So yeah. It sounds like it's time to leave. I'm sorry.
You absolutely should start therapy asap. This is super unhealthy and is going to destroy all the good stuff you have with him now if you don’t deal with it.
Right? By one persons carefully crafted narrative of events that no matter what will give themselves off in a positive light and the other in an opposing. If it were this cut and dry I think it would be pretty obvious what was happening. If you want useful relationship advice don’t give the gender because you’re bound to be treated a whole lot differently on a sub like this.
He perceives that you’re rapidly ascending to a level that will soon be out of his league, and he’s feeling very insecure about it.
You are being abused.
Being alone sure is better than being verbally mistreated and artificially groomed into being a person you are not.
But that is acvording to his likings.
This is powerplay. Domination. Breaking your will and self-esteem.
Girl … run. This won't get any better! It will get worse.
So today I went shopping in a different area of the city without my phone for a couple of hours. I stopped responding for like 6 hours because I just left it at home and went out. „Suddenly “ I ran into him. He claimed that he needed to buy something too. Idk how he was able to find me without my phone
Tell him he has a magic peen that makes all the girls scream
i don’t know what i want at this point. But my relationship with him was so good. and it’s like i can’t let go of that, not yet anyway. it’s so much easier said than done to just walk away
Tell her to grow the fuck up.
And this is what I have a problem with that it seems like she doesn't appreciate him.
Discharge happens any time of the month. Whatever you're describing doesn't sound like anything honestly. Is there a smell? Is she red or itchy? Is sex more painful for her?
Discharge happens daily. It's supposed to – that's how the vagina stays clean. Dried discharge can become discolored.
I suggest you just get tested yourself without her. Chances are you're just 20 years old and over thinking.
In 5, 10 years are you going to regret being known as “the girl that hooked up with Jake” (which I don’t think is a bad thing at all, and frat boys opinions don’t hold that much weight in the long run), or are you going to regret not giving a really great guy a chance?
You decide.
ask him out for a coffee. tell him that you need work advice. do that and see how the convo going. if all going well, in the end of it tell him that you fancy him and ask whether he's interested to go on a date.
if he says no at least your feeling hasn't gone too deep
Friends and family is pretty much impossible. Family lives on hour away and if I needed help from friends it would be too much almost daily. So I think I am gonna have to reach out to my employer and/or start looking for something else. This in between period where I still need my job and don’t have the solution right now and where I am still dependent on him is just extremely stressful. I just atarted the job 3 months ago and it is my first job after finishing school.