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❤, ️❤️Stripdance❤️❤️ [Multi Goal]
Date: February 11, 2023
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OP said “future kids”. Why are we pretending this is baby weight we're talking about?
I am not on your side on this one
Yes never speak to him again, but this asshole isn't stopping, both his wife and any innocent girl he picks up will be hurt by him.
But full disclosure i am an asshole, my girl friend he is hitting on….I would enjoy the revenge.
Is it hypocrisy if ahe's reflected and does not consider it disgusting?
She also didn't mention that it was disgusting, she just expressed a fear of becoming a mother-girlfriend.
The reason people cheat is because there is something they aren’t getting in their current relationship and they are looking for that thing they aren’t getting elsewhere or sometimes it can be something brought to them and they weren’t even looking. Maybe it was just attention. We fall into these habits and sometimes neglect things that were more important early on in our relationships. Talk to her find what is missing fix it.
You’ve been obsessing over this for god knows how long, and no matter how many people have told you that this is perfectly normal and that you are the one with the unreasonable hang up, you can’t accept it. You keep posting the same scenario and disregarding everything that’s been said to you.
I know you mentioned in a previous post that you have OCD, so I get that this kind of ruminating is something you struggle with. But you need professional help if it’s affecting your life this much. Treating your OCD is the only way to get over this.
Your partner does not deserve to be viewed as “disgusting” for perfectly normal behavior.
Don’t refer to us as “cousin-fuckers.” What makes you think we’re whites supremacists?
I’m so sorry to hear that. Good for you for not putting up with any BS anymore.
I asked him about a few art pieces that were in his room and if he had made them. He said no that a friend gave them to him when she moved away. He told me a little about his ex in the past and I asked him if they were from her. He said no. I asked if I knew her and he said no just some girl he hooked up with on the past but not his ex. I asked a few more questions and he continued to lie and I felt he was lying and he finally admitted they were from his ex. I honestly would not have cared but the fact that he lied and continued to make up more lies is concerning.
I'm sorry you've been dismissed so far.
I think it's perfectly understandable that you are upset by this. She's done it before and you informed her how it made you feel and she went ahead and did it again. She isn't fooling anyone, we all know the inference behind the eggplant emoji. What she said doesn't even make sense. So, it's concerning that she had poked fun the first time, you told her it hurt you and turned around and did it again, but what's more concerning is that she doesn't even seem to want to take responsibility for it and is trying to tell you it wasn't what it obviously was. I'm assuming because she knew she crossed a line. Making fun of someone's body isn't a “joke”.
I hate to be one of those type of people, but we all know if this was reversed and you had made fun of her small breasts (example), especially after she already told you she doesn't appreciate those types of jokes, no one would be saying she was overreacting. I can't really tell you what decision to make, but I just wanted to say I hear you and there's nothing wrong with deciding that someone you're in a relationship isn't showing you enough respect. If shes making you feel insecure, how will you feel comfortable in that relationship? It's also okay if you want to have another talk with her and really make the point that you will not tolerate it and see how it goes from there.
This makes totally sense to me. My question is, how to break free of a unconscious pattern? I mean, I agree with you that this is related to the adoption and my childhood, I'm aware of this, but in a deeper level I still feel chemistry with unavailable men and not with healthy ones, is this like trying to change a bad habit by being aware of it and making better choices for oneself? And sorry for asking this, I hope you don't mind, it's about your profile name, anxiety is energy. I tend to have lot of anxiety from time to time and it made me think that maybe it's energy that I'm not using in the right way. Is it that? Love it btw! Thanks once again, you have given me more clarity and I do appreciate it.
You got married too soon and your marriage is collapsing. Hot to digest but it's inevitable. If your wife is going out and coming back home after 2nd breakfast, she's no longer your wife. The only thing left to settle here is how long it will take you to accept that fact.
Still just seems dumb.
Therapy. You’re quite insightful around your issues. Now you need to address them so that you don’t have anything to hide.
she'll have that view until she's about 25 and no longer hot shit
I get the knee-jerk reaction, I'd be mildly concerned until I heard the explanation. But I'd trust my partner enough to let it go after that, or they wouldn't be my partner.
Honestly, I'd be more annoyed in his spot, being thought of as a potential cheater over something so innocuous.
I completely agree with your disagreement to the take. People naturally going through relationships and eventually finding one that works is not the same as being asked out and then asking someone else out and getting rejected before accepting. He feels like a second choice bc before asking mark out she literally had two choices and chose mark. my current wife isn’t my second, third, or fourth choice bc i was never choosing between her and any of those other relationships.
You’re the side chick
It's on you to say no in these situations. This guy obviously doesn't know what he wants (“It won't wok out between us” -> “I can't live without you” -> “I don't want to be your boyfriend”) and if you keep going along with people like that you're going to get hurt while they struggle to decide what they're actually after.
Privacy aside, that is some obnoxious shit to everyone on social media with her.
Walk away
Easy tell him to leave
Rejecting 1 black woman doesn’t make you a dumb racist lol.
I think honestly you should fess up about how you found them. It will definitely be an awkward conversation, but without having that one first, you can't have the other discussion about why it bothers you.
When we were first Introduced I did but nothing ever happened.
The outcome of the pregnancy is not the issue here.
Don’t settle for this guy.
My guy, I thought maybe this was something you might be able to come back from but she wants to sleep with this guy. If she really wants to do so, she's going to. With or without your permission. I'm not saying the relationship is over but there is a dark stormcloud hanging there and don't be surprised when it comes down.
No technology has a 0% failure rate, and even if a vaccine works perfectly you could lose immunity
You have outgrown your man child. Time to leave.
Relax. She chose you. Men obsess over dick size way more than women. Also – you make her cum with actual skill and because you care.
You're letting insecurity run wild. She chose you buddy!!!!
I so badly want to bring it up again and just spill to her how much lesser I feel, but I'm controlling that impulse because I want to exude confidence to her and because that kind of insecurity is not a good look.
You can bring it up! If this is a healthy relationship you should be able to talk about things, be honesty, be yourself, and be vulnerable. Why do you want to exude confidence? You should be yourself in a relationship don't pretend.
??
Known since they were 7 years old, not for seven years. More like known each other for 14 years.
I don't vent to my family or regular friends about major arguments that my fiance and I have. If it is just my best friend and me, we tend to talk a little more about these things but they never go farther than between us. We also have an understanding that there will be no judgement towards the others spouse if such things are discussed.
I don't discuss these types of things with my family as I don't want them to ever think badly of my fiance. I am not sure if your BF knows or understands this. In all honesty if you are having these blow up arguments only a year in and he is griping to his family about it, that isn't a good thing. Especially because he told his version of things to them, who knows what he really said. It may have been some trumped up version of the argument where there was no possible way he could be wrong, thus his family can only see you as the bad guy/crazy GF.
You can try communicating with him but I fear that he may just take the same path he has already taken, avoidance and then discussing it with his family. I feel like this is a no win scenario for you. You may wish to take a step back and evaluate if this is how you want all of your major arguments to go and if this is the relationship you really want.
Therapy? Sounds like you're not really asexual, you have trauma that is blocking you from sex
There's no reason a married man should be exchanging numbers with a woman.
This is ridiculous. I’m not saying it was right or wrong in OPs instance but generalized and absolute statements like that don’t work in real life and sets up unnecessary expectations for couples which only worsens their relationship further. For instance, I am a single guy and I just exchanged numbers with a married female friend of my best friend (also female). Why? Cos this other friend is from a different city and here on a gig and doesn’t speak the local language AND doesn’t have any friends here. Please don’t pass on your own insecurities in the name of advice!
He's lying through his teeth. He took the meds, retook the test and showed you the second one. Dump his ass
This is wild and there is a chance this is fake, but even if its not, you gotta report this right away. If you confront him he's just gonna delete all the evidence.
If you really wanna prove it idk use internet mobile or something and try finding some drugs. Spoiler, you won't be able to. Algorithms, on Reddit especially, work really well so yeah
consulting with your boyfriend is a lot different than asking permission. wouldn’t you want to know about a trip your boyfriend is planning too?
consulting with your boyfriend is a lot different than asking permission. wouldn’t you want to know about a trip your boyfriend is planning too?
I think part of the work I need to do is organizing my thoughts in a way that I can express them the proper way…. So far I haven't managed to express that I feel her distant without her being taken aback and making her feel bad. I don't expect sex x5 per week, but I would actually like some more intimacy. It is difficult for me to not feel rejected, and I know this is not the kind of thing you ask for… It's not cool to be with someone only because they want to please you.
Very logical advice, thanks. I'm a bit inclined to react emotionally, eventually anyway. I did try to communicate it was going too far for me, but never got anything back. Other than I don't knows or, maybe laters if something happens.
You told him about your CSA… and his response was “that's a you problem”?
Friend, this man is subhuman and incapable of any amount of empathy. There is no path forward, please get out and get out safely.
I’m SO SORRY that you were abused and much more sorry that you ARE being abused.
You don’t have to have past trauma to not enjoy being sexually groped at random. And your body is YOURS. He doesn’t have any ownership over it or you just because he’s married to you. That doesn’t come with a transfer of bodily autonomy.
Your husband sounds really awful in how he responded to you too. Does he care about you at all? It doesn’t seem that way. I try not to jump to the “divorce” card but I would definitely get away from this SEXUAL PREDATOR asap. You deserve so much better!!!!!
forget about everything else – you are missing the main point in your relationship – “but has not told her he’s in a relationship and has no plan to yet” = BIG RED FLAG.
“He reassures me that he doesn’t love her, but entertains her games” – means nothing as its bullcrap.
whatever gonna happen there, with her will not be her fault as he DID NOT Tell her he has a gf & in a relationship now.
Your bf is playing both fields now – you need to decide what to do now.
Its better to leave & get a better man.
Have you, idk, asked her what she wants/needs and then tried to do those things?
Are you actually in therapy yet?
Right now, you're an unsafe sexual partner. Maybe reflect on that for a while and do some deep soul-searching and therapy for why you treat people you think you care about this way instead of asking the internet to give you some script to lure her into thinking she's safe.
Sweetie, you can have chemistry all you want but it’s been in plain sight that he is NOT ready for absolutely any kind of relationship.
If he doesn’t want to get help, don’t try to save him. He is not your responsibility. Specially for a grown ass man.
Right. He has shown that he is not prepared to do even the tiniest bit of work to care for her.
There are layers, but you think liking the music his dad liked is a sign that he has the same mentality, and that's just not true. But yeah, do him a favour and break up. No one deserves to be with a paranoid overthinker
Dude. No mean no.
Agreed. I'm in my late 40's, grey hair, glasses, and I got hit on while on a walk a few weeks ago, in a park while wearing a big neon pink safety vest over my exercise clothes – like the kind construction workers wear. If there was any type of clothing that was an Invisibility Cloak to prevent getting hit on, it would be a giant neon safety vest, but no.
Im so happy she escaped your cruel and abusive home. Leave her alone
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Tldr; he has just discovered this now and he’s messaging me asking me why I didn’t tell him and he’s wanting to meet my kids but I don’t want him involved in their lives.
When I got pregnant we were at a bad point and he had broken off with me because he thought I was cheating with my guy best friend, I wasn’t we knew each other since we were kids and there was no romance and my husband (not ex, my current husband) is fine with me seeing him still and let’s me talk to who I want. My ex was controlling and accused me of cheating after I stayed over at his place. I admitted that that was wrong and learned from my mistake that it looked bad to him and said I wouldn’t do that ever again but my ex still split from me.
I found out I was pregnant shortly after, contacted my ex and he told me that he wasn’t going to come back to me and “it’s not mine ask one of your other boyfriends”. I then blocked his Facebook and cut contact completely as he wanted no responsibility and just told me he knew I would get an ab***ion which is what he thought I’d done but I didn’t. I moved to a different place with my best friend and her boyfriend far away from him and started fresh. We all put money together to buy a 2 bedroom apartment and we lived like that for a while until I saved up money and we went separate ways but they helped me so much in getting stable and they’ve gotten married now and my daughter was a little bridesmaid at their wedding.
Anyways, I met a new man who I’ve fallen in love with and we are now married and I’m currently pregnant again. He’s the emotional father of my kids and he is their dad even if not biological. They call him dad and he is their dad in a way. He’s raised them and loved them as his own.
Now, my boyfriend’s mom has (don’t ask me why) looked at my Instagram. She was nosey so maybe but it’s odd she’s done that after so long, maybe because he’s single and she’s thinking of his exes? And she saw that I had 2 kids the right age that do look a bit like him, they both look like him especially my son. But she brought it up to him I think and he’s now messaged me on Instagram asking if they are his which surprised me. I told him they were and he didn’t reply for a while until he then sent me a massive text saying that it’s unfair I made him miss out on so many years with his kids and that he wants to see them. I explained that they already have a dad and that they won’t know him. We also live a long time away and I don’t want to disrupt my kids lives like that because they’re going to highschool soon and I want them to settle well.
His mom and other family are now harassing my social media and I’m not sure on the best course. Maybe let him meet them? I don’t want to send them away with a stranger now. Maybe he’s changed but I still don’t want him in their lives as he’s a complete stranger and even though he’s biologically their father he’s not their emotional father. I’m not sure on the right thing to do.
I think it would be nice and would be great for her self esteem, physical health, and overall state of being.
If that's really what this is about (yeah, right), let her have it with someone else.
This is the real issue You are afraid of confrontation Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself She will be fine
Your boyfriend is a bad guy who works in a horribly sexiest office. Aside from being an asshole and rape apologist, what does he bring to your life?
He did not cheat, OP says that in the post
I think you're looking for problems. Just keep doing what you're doing, and you'll get to know everything. Ask him things if want. My gf said it took her 4 years to figure me out completely. We were friends a long time before she wanted to get romantic.
You celebrate when she gets back. 34???
I now have to listen to both of them complain of their grievances while trying to be an objective and good friend to both.
Heres the thing though, no you dont. You do not have to sacrifice your own emotional wellbeing/mental health to be their therapists. All you have to do is say that you empathize with the difficulty of the situation but bc you care about them both, you dont feel comfortable being in the middle and prefer that they choose someone else to talk to about the other. If either of them dont respect that boundary or try to demean you over it, well, they're not really your friend then.
I would say this relationship is toxic and they both need therapy
I agree with neither. A good reset and some time away to refocus on your priorities could be helpful
I think you're making a big mistake by not addressing with your therapist what you feel is your lack of experience/knowledge in healthy relationships. For all you know, your relationship might be causing or exacerbating your anxiety.
Why not take a session to speak with your therapist about your expectations in a romantic relationship. Get his/her take on whether they're realistic. Also how you can know what healthy boundaries are and how to enforce them. Being better prepared with knowledge about romantic relationships may actually ease your anxiety.
You’re either extremely monogamous or you are not. Which is it? If you’re still sure you are, you should end it now. This will continue to come up.
You’re either extremely monogamous or you are not. Which is it? If you’re still sure you are, you should end it now. This will continue to come up.
He used to, but doesn't now. My issue with it is that it's seemingly excessive in that his friends do it all the time and I'm not sure that he'll fall back into it one day. I also think that who your friends are is very important because you inevitably end up being like them. I don't want to punish him but also kinda just don't want to be around all that.
But she was aware she had it and didn't tell him. That's disgusting.
I miss your gorgeous ass. I want to rub you, and kiss you, touch you and feel you. I want you, I need you, I desire you. Hurry home.
are you in open relationship?
The where doesn’t make it any better, actually makes it slightly worse, as diary’s are meant to be kept, to be used to bring back memories of the past etc.
It also makes it worse for you, as you should never read another person’s diary.
So if you want to try to make the relationship work, go for it. Just don’t be surprised when she cheats on you in the future.
So then leave him. Trying to tell him what kind of porn he can look at is incredibly controlling.
Also cigs and porn aren’t comparable. If you never snooped through his phone, the porn thing would have absolutely no effect on you. Can’t say the same for cigarettes
block
This is total nonsense. Most is not even coherent talk.
Until you’re ready for therapy (and you have to want it in order for it to work) maybe make a vent post? Some vent posts stipulate that they’re venting and don’t want a “fix.” This seems to be where your at right now and just need some girlfriends to hear you out (but not ad nauseam)
Tell to stay home if he is not happy
You're very welcome and I'm happy to help. Hot to accept doesn't mean rejection and we're none of us broken, just mishandled. But yes seeing how you were and weren't treated I hope will help ease her into taking some steps forward. I never had good friends and it's absolutely linked.
I saw what the other guy was posting (and almost commented there too) but figured I'd focus on just her as I've been where she is. I'm not sure where you're located so I don't know if they'd be available there(I'm in the US) but I used the Cerebral app, BetterHelp and just had regular dr appointments virtually with a therapist and psychiatrist.
Dump him, and wear all the skirts you like without shorts underneath, this guy sounds like a narcissistic sociopath.
You telling her that you were embarrassed at the performance was like the nail in the coffin. The fact that she had to make the first move says it all. You gotta go on more dates and have more sex man, she can smell the inexperience on you. You have to lead in the bedroom.
Thank you for taking time to comment. I will definitely consider this. I’m just worried to hurt her any further, I truly love her. But you’re right I do think something needs to happen.
My husband and I argued about my engagement ring.
He said he could afford to spend much more than the ring I wanted cost.
I said I didn't care, and I wanted the one I wanted, even if it wasn't very expensive. Once he realised I was serious, I think he respected me more for not demanding expensive just for the sake of it.
I absolutely love my ring. And it has nothing to do with how much it did or didn't cost.
I think having values in common is important. I know people are saying screw it, take the free house. But that free house is going to come with a prenup. So the only valid question here is whether you love her enough to look past this difference in values. Only you can answer that.
I agree with this comment. It sounds like the situation is no longer compatible with how you feel and what you want/need. It sucks but sometimes where we are at just doesn’t work for our prospective partner. You guys sound like you could be good together, but forcing yourself into something where your needs CAN’T be met because of what the other person needs is not something that will serve either of you. I know it’s hot to give up something that feels like it has potential, but maybe take inventory of what you need and ask if he can provide that right now. If he can’t, maybe just be friends. If you can’t be friends, maybe lose contact for a while. That’s not wrong to do
I agree with that commentator.
If social media is that important to you and it’s not to her than you’re gonna keep feeling this way.
But OP does. And she's the one who's ready to leave.
no insecurities here. the questions i put in my post were generic. everyday questions couples would ask. which is why i used them. we come from different cultures. she mentioned something about hers. i questioned it to educate myself, attempting to learn more about her and her culture. she still got upset about it. no matter the question, she gets upset