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So what’s your magic explanation for how she got pregnant if the husband didn’t fuck her? This post is ridiculous. You’re talking in circles and the solution is obvious. All he has to do is get a paternity test. Him freaking out before doing it is just another layer to that toxic relationship that you and your husband are getting involved in. All of you suck and I feel bad for that kid and the wife that stays home like a slave because she has an insecure man child as a husband. She needs to get away from all 3 of you. You do realize she’s a human being right? And that pos husband of hers doesn’t own her? And she can leave her apartment and have friends and have a life right? And if her husband wants to be a better man, he should get a job that keeps him home with the woman he committed to or he should have stayed single.
So here is the thing, most of the people here (me included, want you to say something. But before you say, make sure you both are aware of as many of the consequences as possible. For example:
As someone has already said, there are some serious power dynamic issues to take into consideration for your husband and the business. It opens it up for so many legal issues where a partner is having a sexual relationship with their employee. Serious disaster and your husband really needs to talk to his partner for it to stop. If AP decides to sue, she has more standing. In other words, your husband needs to get legal advice ASAP! He may have to distance himself from his partner if things hit the fan. He also needs to ask himself if he wants to have a business partner who would be willing to put his business on the line with such a risky move as to have an affair with an employee. It's really reckless.
The wife may not appreciate or want to know. There are some women who not only don't want to know but also may make you the villain. You aren't but be prepared that this may be a potential reaction.
This will definitely affect the relationship between you, the wife and business partner. The business partner may resent you and lash out. Again, not your fault but you need to be aware of this potential reaction and decide what to do as a married couple should this happen.
They may be in a open marriage.
As for how to tell her. If you are close and good friends, go to somewhere neutral like a coffee shop tell her over pastries and coffee, present her the evidence. If she gets angry or hostile, leave her there.
If you aren't, make a fake email address/social media profile or number and send her the info. I dont think she will appreciate you telling her face to face if you arent close but that's my opinion.
Either way, you are a good friend. I would appreciate you doing this for me if my husband was cheating. All the best
Kudos to your mom, she's a hero.
Would you say it is a typical situation here? The fact that OP has an actual history of cheating and he only just found out seems to be the triggering even rather than him spontaneously becoming abusive.
If a rational man thought he was living with a woman, his gf/wife, who had betrayed him and was pregnant with another man’s child, what would he do? Pack a bag, move out, talk to a lawyer, never speak to you again.
He's trying to leave, getting tested for STDs and saying he will divorce her if the child isn't his. It could be constructed as him being rational and just reacting poorly to the new info that she has a history of cheating. His extreme reaction is concerning, and her safety is absolutely key. I just wish we knew more about him and their relationship before this. It sometimes surprises me how much can be sorted out in therapy when people don't know how to handle their emotions or communicate properly.
Even if they had an awesome relationship before there's a risk that his perception of her is forever altered, putting her at risk
I know that but it's just the prospect of always having him sharing our location or his friends being able to see where I am. I don't use social media aside from reddit if that counts so I find it really creepy. It's also he's way too close with his friends like he gets visibly upset when he has to leave them to spend time with me or his own family. They control his life so much that they made him stop hugging me at one point because they didn't like it
She asked you not to tell her, and so you don't tell her. If she finds out on her own and gets mad, that's a separate conversation. But tbh it sounds like she is being pretty reasonable so far.
Yeah, seriously, it isn't Luke Cage black coffee lol Going for a coffee is just going for a coffee. It's a time to get to know someone a little more, and talk a bit.
I'm in a good relationship, and I'd still go for coffee with some people, I'd just try to make it clear that I want to talk about XYZ and/or that I'm in a relationship (like as in I'll try to make it come up but not be too weird – and having z focus for the chat also changes some people's expectations).
You did basically just tell her “Come!” which is nude to cope with. Ask some gentler questions around it next time (with someone else, or after several months with this one at least).
When are you available???? No. That's not right. Hopefully you'll learn from this.
Both of you sound ridiculous and exhausting, tbh.
I understand wanting to maximize time while together, but not everyone is going to have the same need or tolerance for clinginess. Some people need at least some time to do their own thing every day, even if only a half hour. AND a lot of people do get antsy after being online a while or arguing, much less both. It sounds like you let your own needs and demands dominate without consideration for his at all. He was probably at his own internal emotional limit, and then you crying put him in the position of feeling guilty for needing that respected (even if you didn’t mean for it to).
Of course, NONE OF THAT excuses his anger issues, which honestly sound manipulative. His responses and complaints seem over the top and immature, and I can easily see it forming a very toxic cycle between you too or devolving into emotional abuse. I honestly cringed reading because it reminded me of my own ex. It took me a long time after breaking up to see how unacceptable some stuff he did, what the motive probably was, and how much of a toll that relationship took on everyone.
You both have a lot of growing to do and probably need therapy more than a relationship with each other. If you are going to stay together then you need a very frank conversation about needs, expectations, and what each of you does that hurts the other (and then not get defensive about the answers). I’m not sure either of you is in the space to really work on any of that, but attempting it is the only way I see you two working out.
fair point. maybe I'm not being the fool it just feels that way ig. thanks for the comment btw dude appreciate it
Cut your losses
Thankful that I saw the comment that mentioned your post history. Your relationship died years ago. You've been cheating on her as per your OnlineAffairs subreddit activity which is sad. It really puts your post in a different light. Emotional cheating is still cheating and that is never okay. Tell her now, there's no use is dragging this out any further
that’s biology looking out for you ?