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  1. I don’t think it’s technically cheating but I think peoples boundaries are different as to what is appropriate. I know my boyfriend would hate if I did this and it’d be a deal-breaker. While I don’t agree I feel like you should already know how your partner feels about things like this and respect it.

  2. NTA

    Your brother hasn't a leg to stand on until he starts raising BOTH of his kids. Anything out of his mouth until that happens is absolutely worthless, and until he rights this wrong, he's hands down the biggest piece of shit in the family and you're not wrong to treat him that way.

  3. Some further comments for context:

    We’ve been together for about a year, but some of the time it feels like we’ve been together longer because we see each other 2-3 times a week, and speak on the phone for 1-2 other days out of 7. We chat a lot about long term stuff, but never anything concrete – it’s always stuff that’s far, far away in the future with no real timing.

    Whilst I do see him in my long term vision, the rational side of me is telling me to cut my losses early and find someone else who wants the same things at the same time. I’m really torn.

  4. Come on. He KNOWS that his gifts are shitty, he just don't care. It is more important for him that he keeps his money as that you get a nice gift. And why do you still spend do much money on him?

    If you think about the past, if you want to do something or go out, how much does his penny pinching affects your time? You want to do something but it is to expensive in his eyes. Or you must pay for it. On dates, who pays?

    Just think about your future. How will living with him be? Or just think if you get pregnant and can't work. Hor will he react if you must online of his income. Or worse, if you get ill and can't work or just unemployed…

    This is more about the gifts, it is about the behaviour, the thought he invest into you, respect and his relationship with money.

  5. your wife did not want you to meet this woman, you crossed that line and still did it. it seems like the misses may have some underlying trust issues but you still crossed her boundaries. were you always (platonic) friends with this woman before you got married? she may feel like you are having an emotional affair with this woman since you have dated her in the past. have a heart to heart conversation to resolve the issue at hand.

  6. It’s obviously so different for men, for me as a woman I will never understand strip clubs. Like why would a man pay to see a woman’s body when they know the woman isn’t interested in them? I would be embarrassed to be found attracted to a guy who was not interested in me in the least. Like doesn’t that make men feel bad to know it isn’t reciprocated? To get excited about someone that thinks nothing of you and pay them to give you attention? Maybe I just have some pride but to know how one sided it is would be such a turn off for me.

  7. This path will only bring unhappiness to yourself and everyone around you. All you're doing is settling because you don't have a choice not because you want to. Dont be surprised or point fingers when it becomes a shit show after you've decided to drag this on

  8. Viagra will most definitely help especially psychologically. Yes. 1) Go with a low dose on empty stomach and then just getting into a very slow romantic sensual encounter and take it easy with no pressure . 2) if that does not work then move to total imagination recall of the sexy girl at the gym, or that you saw in line at Starbucks etc. you get the point 😀

  9. Hello /u/idontsellfood,

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  10. Dude, straight up. Jerking off before bed is a routine for a lot of guys. There is nothing sexual about it, it's maintenance at this point. Your wife doesn't understand because she isn't fueled by testosterone. I hope you can show her this thread and how many people are on your side.

    Tl:Dr The male orgasm results in nighty night, biological fact. Also, masturbating once a day isn't an addiction.

  11. Do these kids actually exist yet or is this a theoretical discussion?

    No matter what you both agree on with regards to household chores, being a parent may occasionally mean you would have to cook for/feed your kids.

    If your fiancé was late home/stuck in traffic/had to go away for a night, you’d have to cook for your kids then, you can’t let them starve because it’s not your job to cook/prepare food?

  12. He's showing you who he is and what's valuable to him. It's up to you to decide if that's what you want the rest of your life to look like. I'd have a naked time with a partner that didn't show passion, have friendships , no thought into gifts or romance. Of course you can talk to him about it but I don't know that you have the same values.

  13. Personally I would call off everything including the engagement and I would take my best friend on the honeymoon vacation!

  14. Yep this. It's absolutely abusive for a parent to make a child responsible for their emotional well being. Op needs to tell mom that there's no reason to meet bc there's nothing to talk about. And if she can't respect her decisions, ultimately she will have to cut get out of her life. Giving mom any foothold to continue controlling or manipulative op's life will only end in disaster. Op establish these boundaries now, before marriagecbc this won't be the last time the attempts to exert control over something that's none of her business.

  15. It’d be naked for me to date someone that lived with their parents. How separate is his living space from them? I can understand the financial incentives but I guess I’ve just always prioritized independence and privacy which I think would be naked if he’s down the hallway from mom and dad.

  16. Thank you for your kind words they mean more than you’ll ever know 🙂

    I have always tried to forgive whatever he’s done because I believe he could so easily be better, he’s shown me he can be good so many times and that glimpse to me seems worth it. It sounds sad and naive haha. I really believe/believed in him.

  17. You have gotten some very good advice on getting out of this abusive relationship. I’m only commenting so I can say that I wish you well, I hope you have the strength to stand up for yourself, and I truly hope you believe you deserve to be treated better.

  18. She is irl , I suppose part of it was the fact were freinds in college and we had Christmas break , she went back to London.

    She wanted to give it back to me sooner but she wrapped it in this letter and was insisting I was “patient” before I read it.

  19. You don't want that picture in your head. Saying he is cute or handsome, I am alright with it, but Cummings in her is a bit to far.

  20. I think that's really unfair, you're expecting him to have had some sort of future sight, it sounds like he did as much as he was able. No one can predict exactly how things will go especially with variable illnesses that can go so many different ways. You're scolding him like he (or his wife) should have somehow known this is EXACTLY what would have happened, which is absurd.

    You can be as prepared as you like for this sort of thing, the reality can still batter you and caretaker fatigue is a real and exhausting thing. I assume he already feels like shit so im not sure how you think being sneery about it now and going “well you clearly didn't do enough research” is supposed to help?

    Obviously you're infallible and have never once made a mistake and realised that hindsight can be a bitch.

  21. Our marriage counsellor says some marriages get better after betrayal? Communication gets better but I can’t move forward without a true sorry! I’m not going to beg for one!

    If it was my friend I would tell her to leave him but this the first time I have expressed myself and I’m heartbroken 💔

  22. Excellent response to that violent narcissist. He is still the same abusive asshole he always was. Now he knows he will actually face consequences of the law if he continues to harass you. An actual apology requires naming the exact harm caused and having real remorse. George is incapable of that.

  23. Honestly online and learn and then let go. Karma goes around, and sooner or later this kind of stuff comes out and his wife will learn just by ways of the universe.

    If you absolutely feel the need, Cyber stalk him a little, Find his Facebook or Instagram, look up his wife Facebook or instagram, and send her an anonymous message with his tinder profile.

    But do you really want to do that? “hi, I'm the homewrecker that had a one night stand with your husband. Just thought you should know. Sorry about what this will do to your marriage and your kids. bye”

    Just let it go and make better choice moving forward.

  24. Consensual polyamory is a thing. Berating someone into sharing is not the way you go about it. Neither is calling them names.

    Please end this relationship. He's abusing you.

  25. I highly doubt you will become dependent. It will just let you get out of your head. If you wind up taking more than 2 (with maybe one tucked away for Valentine’s Day) I would be very surprised, especially since you have no trouble keeping it up alone.

  26. You say it's a boundary, but you don't enforce it. A boundary is not “I don't want you to do X”, it's “if you do X, I will do Y.”

    This guy is showing you that he's extremely controlling and possessive, and it's only been three months. This is the honeymoon stage. This is him at his best behavior. Enforce your boundaries and get out.

  27. If people kill them selves over trauma all the time, IE images in there head from bad experiences how am I being dumb? My friend killed himself after the things we had done and seen fighting overseas. I'm thinking of the general aftermath of the situation. I gave a general rundown of my perspective, not the whole thing. We will both have to deal with the trauma after the event it's not one sided and it's not a competition. It's not anymore trauma for her as it is me or vice versa, it's the same trauma. It's a bad situation for both people and treating the trauma is not easy and i acknowledge that. Idk, maybe the army made me a mad man or something for being able to ask questions like this to anyone. We in the service have talked like this all the time but I'm learning that civilians are not ok with questions like this and I apologize for making anyone feel weird or mad or anything, that wasn't my intention. Just a yeah I would or na I wouldn't, but I understand everyone seeing be as dumb or unreasonable or unlikable or any other thing that could be said. Idk I'm just a guy on the internet with a dumb question.

  28. Because OP was a sahm wife. Op has literally earned that inheritance. She stood by him through thick and thin and someone who has had known 6 months, while he has brain cancer which changes and alters your brain, should not be able to take advantage of a dying man. She doesn't have to stay with him, she just shouldn't divorce him.

  29. No, I know that. Stating unequivocally that waxing is just how “someone styled their vagina hair that month” is a bit of a stretch. Waxing is a bit much to just call styling, no matter how you want to spin that.

  30. My kids are 5 and 7, so still young in all of this. I feel like he manipulates me as well but in a way it feels like he is helping me, so for example buying a house together.

  31. And then this afternoon he told me that he has hsv1 and apologised for not bringing it up sooner.

    Red flag. He should've communicated that sort of thing with a potential sexual partner ASAP.

    I don't have a very high libido, and honestly have been nervous about the idea of having sex with him because he's very well endowed. However, I think sex is still something I want in a long term relationship.

    Two things, 1) Do you think this relationship will be long term? Maybe wait till possibly making any

    2) Are you willing to risk contracting herpes / sacrifice sex? You have to really think about how much sex really means to you in regards to relationships. You're also very young still, and probably haven't experienced much since you said you have only been dating around for a year, are you willing to contract herpes and potentially limit future dating options?

  32. She specifically asked for space and wants you at arms length. She most likely doesn’t want gifts, daily compliments, or good night texts. She isn’t asking for your support or for you to continue to show interest. You’ve known her for 2 months.

    ASK HER what she wants, specifically, and decide if you can handle that. Communicate like adults.

  33. If lying is your boundary, then it's your boundary and that's ok. However, I would assert that there are different types of lies and this doesn't seem to be a lie meant to manipulate you or done with malice. It seems like the type of lie that he told just because he didn't want you to know about that particular part of his life and that's okay.

    Ask yourself how this particular situation actually hurts you and if that hurt is worth ending an otherwise great decade long relationship.

  34. It’s simply not a priority for him. For him, it’s not a big deal. For you it is a big deal. What’s your standard of clean versus his? Is there anything else he could do in the relationship to contribute in a different way to make you feel more valued? You said when he does do things it’s not the way you’d like it, so you may find yourself to be critiquing and then doing it over again yourself. That’s just extra negative energy that you don’t need. What if there was more date nights, weekends away, or simply getting out of the house together? Or if it’s a deal breaker for you, set that boundary and stick with it. Move out and he’ll find out quick how much you do.

  35. First off, congratulation on getting out- it's tough and you're brave.

    I imagine you care what other people think because so much of what he did in gaslighting you was make you question what you thought, and that his behavior was okay and you deserved it. Keep going to therapy. A real one, not a church therapist or counselor.

    Eventually with the right therapist believing you it can be enough to validate your lived experience so you can believe it. Meanwhile, make friends outside of the church where he is a pastor. Those people are conditioned to believe he's good/ you're bad because they need that to believe they're in a good church. Work on your own sense of self & find support away from that circle.

    If you hear murmurs or rumors you are bad or to blame you can respond “No one ever knows what goes on behind closed doors, so they should refrain from commenting.” This way you don't have to reveal details you feel won't be believed, and it shuts it down.

  36. Update-

    Turns out my boyfriend came to the city but didn’t come to visit. He had work to do and that was it. Don’t overthink like me. We talked turns out his phone was broken, now all of his family hates him because he got a girl pregnant when he’s not ready, he comforted me and said that no matter what he would do the maximum to stay with me but sometimes thinks go out of hand. We will not keep the pregnancy because booth are not ready, I’m still in school and so is he. I scared tho that I’m will get rid of my first baby. It makes me sad however we learned that we ought to be careful next time.

    Thank you all for the kindness

  37. Seems like someone could benefit from a crash course in mindfulness. It feels like the classic well-intentioned phrase “I don't see race”… when in reality this mindset is destructive because it disregards experiences that have happened solely because of race.

  38. The easy answer is that he texted a girl about being able to call/video call later that night. The fact that he deleted his outgoing message obviously means he didn’t want you to see. The 2 am part probably means that your BF proposed talking later in the night so to not alert you. The fact that she brought up 7 pm probably means she isn’t aware that you guys are dating or living together.

    But there are some other possible explanations.

    Maybe he was looking to buy some weed/other drugs. This kind of looks like a response to a “Hey can I swing by later tonight after the show to pick some up” kind of text.

    Maybe he was trying to set up a time to play video games with an online buddy? That would require him feeling like he had to hide that from you though, so unless you’ve forbid him from playing video games that’s not it.

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